Little Acons – No. 23

I DO LOVE YOUBUTI DON'TLIKE YOURIGHT NOW

Advertisements

14 Comments

  1. The thing is ….When someone says this …it hurts a child . And whether they are acting like a brat or doing something “ you don’t like” or against the rules or embarrassing …whatever …..a child interprets this in their own mind as his mom doesn’t really like who he is as a person . It’s mean ..I hear women say this because they hear other women say this ….even empathic kind mother’s have probably said this at some point …..but it doesn’t help a child to feel this way. A narc mom doesn’t really love at all …it’s all about her and how she turns a moment of child foolishness into a moment about her .. and how the child is embarrassing her for even crying for example or how the child’s achievements are showing what a great mom she is …. and whether she likes the child or loves the child it’s a matter of whether they please her , or make her look good in society ..or to her mommy group.

  2. I think with narcs it’s in the delivery. Because personally I don’t see what’s wrong with a lot of these phrases… my parents said some of them. And I never felt sorry for myself. They are humans, they don’t need to be “perfect” and some of these phrases are true. And my parents are NOT narcs. I think during a certain time period these phrases were just acceptable.

    1. I say a version… „I really honestly don‘t like you right now – when you‘re being like that.“… Except it‘s for extreme cases. For vestiges of abuse modelled on how their dad speaks, vestiges that still surface sometimes, about 5 years after I left their father and whose abuse I couldn‘t stop no matter how much I tried.

      He usually abused the kids to get to me. It’s one of the hardest things in recovery to forgive myself for taking so long to work out that he never wanted to change.

      I think what makes it narcy about the sentence is the BUT. But sentences with but suck in most cases anyway.

  3. HG, how likely is it that a normal/empath parent would make an identical comment in a moment of frustration? I heard this statement verbatim a few times from my mother who I’ve always pegged as a co-dependent, but now I am concerned.

    1. It is possible that some of these comments might be made by a non-narcissist and if they are they are said as a consequence of an external stressor which induces a temporary reduction of empathy resulting in the comment being made. For example, an exhausted parent under pressure may make one of these comments owing to the external stressors of exhaustion and pressure. However, their ongoing response after this comment would be different from the response of a narcissist.
      Just because narcissists say these comments does not mean however that the fact someone says such a comment is a narcissist. It is an aggregate of behaviours.

      1. Thank you HG! This post jumped out at me because during an audio consultation, you explained that one of the possible reasons for my innate addiction to narcissists was through imprinting by a parent. I will reflect on your comment about aggregate behaviors, and if I can identify any other red flags, I will be sure to contact you for further consultation.

    2. I told my my kids to get out of the house and wait on their dad the other day because I’d had enough. I couldn’t handle them for five more minutes. I meant it and they had to wait outside. I was way done. Kids are hard work.

  4. Huge blowout with narc last night. He walked away as usual. I know I should be happy and grasp onto that and run but in usual emotional, sensitive empath style I’m in pain, torn between my addiction I suppose and hating him for his callous coldness and ease of walking away. Again. How do I steel myself agains these dumb feelings and get real already? I hate my feeling side. I truly think I’d be better off cold and uncaring. How do I shut my mind and heart off to him?? I want to be hypnotized and wipe him from my memory and energy. How do I not be effected if I see him on my commute? I just want peace and calm and a free heart.

  5. My mother always lets me know how she doesnt like me thru her treatment of me but thats ok bc the feelings mutual.

Vent Your Spleen!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.