Just The Way It Is



By now you all know that I am driven by the hunger that rages within me as I must seek out fuel to feed the beast. To begin with, my fuel comes from the compliments and admiration you send my way during our golden period. Yes, that blissful, wonderful time when everything tastes better, smells more fragrant, looks brighter and sounds sharper. I was asked why can I not contain my need for fuel to receiving admiration and plaudits? Why must I embark on such a destructive course which brings mayhem to everyone around me. Why must it hurt so much? A fair question.

In my case, there are two reasons for this. The first brings forth that old adage of familiarity breeds contempt. Imagine that strawberry is your favourite flavour of ice-cream. I bring you a large strawberry ice cream in a sugar cone. You take a lick and it is delicious. So fresh tasting, so creamy and there are even little pieces of strawberry contained inside of it. It simply is the most sumptuous ice cream you have ever introduced to your taste buds. These strawberries have been grown in God’s garden, tended to by angels and grown with the purest water, the most fertile soil and vibrant sunshine. The milk has been taken from cows which graze on nothing but the most verdant grass, free from pollution and contamination. In fact, every ingredient that has been used in the creation of this magnificent iced confection is the best and perfect. Not only that, it has been crafted by the Supreme High Creator of Gelatos. I bring you a second one. Why not? This is an ice cream fit for champions. You eat this second one but by now you are feeling full. I bring a third, the taste is still great but not as good. Now I give you the good news that you are eating strawberry ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner and nothing else. Soon, the amazing taste of the ice cream no longer brings you pleasure. In fact, you start to dread the sight of the ice cream as it is brought to you and then it makes you angry that you have to eat it. You are sick of it now, it has lost its allure.

This is what happens to me. It always happens. Since I am wired to seek out instant gratification, even the most wonderful sensations soon pale to me. I am not built for the long-term, I have no desire for longevity. If it was me eating the ice cream, I need to go and seek out mint choc chip or even vanilla or perhaps a juicy steak instead. I need something different in order to give me that hit. Why not then just leave the strawberry ice cream along and seek out that new taste sensation, why do I have to subject the ice cream to a campaign of savage and nasty behaviour. One reason is that since I have invested so much energy in securing all that strawberry ice cream I am not going to let it go. I need to treat it differently and thus generate a break from its taste. With you, I need to have a break from the now stale praise and admiration you provide to me. It just does not do it for me. Similarly, I have invested energy in ensnaring you and I do not want to let you go. I have to treat you differently to change the dynamic. I need to keep you around so I embark on a confusing campaign that means you cling tighter to me. I will of course be seeking out new admiration from new sources. There are so many flavours for me to taste. You were once shiny and new. Not any longer. Someone else is shinier and newer.

I will return to you, like I will return to the strawberry ice cream. I have forgotten how it sickened me so I will eat it again and wow, it tastes good. Similarly, I will grant you a short return to the golden period. You lavish me with praise and love borne out of relief and I enjoy it. The law of diminishing returns applies however and soon I tire of your admiration as I tire of the strawberry ice cream and once again I must take a break from it, whilst never actually severing ties with you or giving away the ice cream. Back and forth I will go, occasionally being good to you to receive your admiration as I occasionally have a scoop of the strawberry ice cream. Thus this familiarity and unwillingness to let you go means that I have to treat you badly in order to resurrect the positive fuel on an infrequent basis whilst drawing on the negative fuel to provide the contrast.

I mentioned two reasons. The second reason arises from occasional glimpses of reality. For the most part we dwell in our false construct that we have dragged you into. You may achieve something or a colleague may secure a new contract or we notice a friend purchase a flash, new car. This provides us with a painful reminder of our own limitations and our hatred of the limelight being moved elsewhere, however temporary. In such a case we have to lash out. We must denigrate, despise and demean in order to create that contrast again, we make you look bad and we look good. By putting you down, or the friend or the colleague we feel powerful and in control again. The horrible sensation vanishes. On these occasions, envy and fear drives us to be horrible to you. We have to do it to make ourselves look superior in comparison.

In both instances we need to provide a contrast in order to maintain our fuel. Thus, all cannot be rosy in the garden, we need to spray the weed killer over the flowers you have grown to ensure we receive the fuel that is our primary aim in life.

12 thoughts on “Just The Way It Is

  1. AR says:

    I recalled an American sitcom Drake & Josh when i read your article HG. I watched it when i was a child. Drake was a womanizer and he used similar example to yours but with chocolates when he was explaining the reason why he dates multiple women to his monogamous stepbrother who was total opposite of him.

    1. Believer says:

      I cannot change the name from back then as it is a deleted blog of mine from long ago.

  2. Dawn Wolf says:

    Give and take. Empaths give, the narcissist takes. But with you and this site, we also take. We take the understanding you are giving us, and we feed your ego. I am new here, but I am no stranger to the narcissist. I am a clairvoyant empath… and there are many of us…but it is easy for the narcissist to take us by surprise because many of us can not see for ourselves. I can predict certain things, but can’t see in front of my eyes. So, I will feed you what you want, and I will take what you give. We are helping each other. I want your k knowledge and insights. I didn’t understand how anyone could be so callous and unfeeling. Now I know and I won’t be fooled again. So, thank you for helping me see and extricate myself from the narcissists in my life. Dawnwolf

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Welcome Dawn Wolf (by the way you used your real name in the handle, so I changed it. Just so you are aware).

      You are welcome. Since you admit you take, how about a bit of giving and using your skills let me know:-
      1. Should I back ‘Light the Fuse’ in the 15:20 at Ripon today?
      2. Which teams will win the EPL, ECL, League One and League Two in the 2019/2020 season for my accumulator; and
      3. What are the jackpot numbers for the forthcoming Euromillions lottery please.
      Thanks in advance.

      1. KellyD says:

        HG, I accidentally used my real name once, and I was going to ask you to change it for me, but I figured it would be buried before long. Hopefully, anyone who knows me won’t be combing through your site!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If you email me with the information I can search for it and change it. I don’t mind doing this once or twice for a name, but beyond that it is rather laborious. If I see a full name, I usually attend to it anyway as I doubt many people want their full names mentioned here.

          1. Believer says:

            I need help with this, as well. In the beginning, I did not know not to use my name, as I was naive about blogs, search engines, and comments being made public. And, I was told no different as you are telling commenters, now. I do not mean this in a critical way; I just mean that I find myself desperate for the help at the removal of my name from several of my comments back in 2016.

          2. Lorelei says:

            I think I’ve settled on a name finally! I like this one. Can all my old stuff be under my new name somehow?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Yes if every entry is altered but no, I’m not changing it as it will take too long.

          4. Lorelei says:

            I don’t blame you but if I’m ever famous I’ll need this laborious favor.

      2. Caroline R says:

        That made me laugh!

      3. Believer says:

        I wish mine had been changed back when the blog was new. It would have better protected me, as well.

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