I remember the day, or more accurately that the floodgates were opened on my promiscuity. It was when I attended a particular university for the purposes of an admission interview. It was early December and this historic and beautiful university city was lit up by orange and yellow lamps as a little mist clung to the narrow alleyways and courtyards. I had concluded my two interviews (read Fury if you want to know more about how they progressed and how one interview impacted on me) and returned to the junior common room to meet up with two other candidates. They were applying to the same college but to read a different subject to me. They were both English literature students. He was from Greenock in Scotland and she was a bookbinder’s daughter from Cambridge in England. Beer was consumed, stories swapped and the fellow from Greenock retired to his room. The bookbinder’s daughter, she was called Sarah, came back to my room and we talked before we climbed into bed together. I had a girlfriend at the time and whilst there had been dalliances with other girls I had not slept with another. That changed that night. And in the morning too. Sarah wandered away across the quadrangle to her room and I rose from my bed to seek out the bathroom. She decided to stay another day at the college because she wanted to spend time with me. I was happy for her to do so as I waited around, as was customary, in case an interview arose at another college. The following day we both departed, she to the east and me to the west and once I alighted at the train station near to my girlfriend’s house I went straight round to see her. She was pleased to see me and embraced me with enthusiasm. I returned the enthusiasm. I had no sense of guilt at my infidelity. Nothing at all. Instead I revelled in the way I had taken Sarah to my bed and now strode into my then girlfriend’s bedroom with her asking with admiration how my interview had progressed and what the college was like.
Following that first time I never looked back. I cheated left, right and centre. With that girlfriend and with all subsequently. Why did I do it? Way back then I realised how good it made me feel but I had no understanding of why I actually did it. Something always drove me to do it. I realised that the relevant girlfriend would be upset if she knew what I had done but this never stopped me. I never gave it a second thought. Even as I was locked in an embrace with some relative stranger and an image of the girlfriend formed in my mind I felt no tug of conscience, remorse or guilt. All I knew was that I was able to seduce, pull, entice and ensnare everywhere I went. I would meet someone and always find something attractive about them – it might be the colour of their hair, the length of their legs, their accent, the way they rolled the letter r, the fact they drank with a straw or the size of their breasts. It might be their enthusiasm for a particular band, their recollections of travelling or the manicured nails. Each and everyone had some kind of attraction. I could not resist trying to ensnare someone in order to bring them under my spell. It was then that I realised what it was that really drew me to them, it was the promise of their attention. I realised I was able to get them hooked on me. I had convinced myself that I was drawn to them for some other reason but it dawned on me that I was just telling myself that as a reason. A reason that I required to explain this compelling desire to couple with someone. But that was not the real reason. The truth was that I wanted their attention on me and this was the way to get it.
Yes it was pleasant engaging in that first kiss and I enjoyed the sensations that arose when the embrace escalated but it was not what I actually I wanted. I wanted them to praise me. I wanted them to become transfixed by me and for them to shine their spotlight firmly on me. The promiscuity has always continued and it does not matter who with it is the fact that I am able to do seduce and by so doing gather that starry-eyed admiration, those pleasing words and the attention. This engagement does not end with behaving in a promiscuous fashion. I will engage in discussions with a stranger of my own sex,at a bar, a railway platform or in a lift. I have no desire to seduce them sexually for that is not my preference but I do cause them to like me and in so doing give me that fuel that I need.
Often I feel like admitting my repeated transgressions straight away to the relevant girlfriend of the time but I have no desire to puncture my primary source of fuel by doing this. I do find it interesting how they always react with such alarm and distress on the odd occasion I do make such a confession. If I tell them how well I got on with a random male in an exchange at a bar, someone with whom I have swapped views, thoughts and opinions, I receive a smile and a comment of,
“Always good to make new friends.”
Yet an admission of coupling with a stranger results in hysteria even though to me these interactions are similar. Yes, one might yield greater fuel than the other but in terms of intimacy they are equally redundant. That is not why I do it. I do not do it because I want to savour the sensation of another’s mouth against me. I do it because I want them to give me fuel. I can understand how you may be aghast if in a normal relationship a partner behaves with infidelity but to our kind it just about the attention, the admiration, the fuel. You have such a great hang up because sex is involved. That is just the gateway device to me. If I could get the attention another way so that it provides such fuel then believe me I will do it. However, in your world, on the whole, the act of a sexual union accords a greater connection between two people which means you yield more fuel and are more inclined to keep providing it as you seek more from the liaison.
Our promiscuity arises to enable us to achieve fuel. From the new target who is seduced by us and from you should we alert you in some way (either in whole or in part) to our new interest. The condemnation that is attached to promiscuity when in a relationship means that your reaction just provides us with even more fuel. There is a risk of your supply being punctured by this revelation but it is a calculated risk and is often done when the quality of your supply generally has started to wane.
To us promiscuity when in a relationship is merely a means to an end. To you, well, you behave as if it is the end of the world. It really isn’t.
25 thoughts on “Promiscuous Boy”
Why then the jealousy from the narc if the the two interactions are the same? Isn’t that a double standard?
Can you clarify what you are referring to when you state “the two interactions are the same”.
“Yet an admission of coupling with a stranger results in hysteria even though to me these interactions are similar. Yes, one might yield greater fuel than the other but in terms of intimacy they are equally redundant”
If we, the partner of a narc, should even contemplate intimacy with another, there is extreme jealousy and rage from the narc. Why the double standard? Why does it mean more when we engage in this type of behavior?
Thank you for clarifying NFL3.
It is rooted in control. We are entitled to do as we please owing to our lack of emotional empathy, sense of entitlement and lack of accountability. Most narcissists do not see it as a double standard because either they have no awareness (Lesser) or if they do, their narcissism causes them to find a justification (no matter how flimsy from YOUR perspective) for the infidelity (Mid Range). A Greater knows of the double standard but does not care owing to an absence of remorse coupled with awareness and indeed entertainment at such behaviour and it consequence. We must be allowed to do what we want in order to exert control.
You, by contrast, threaten our control by contemplating intimacy with another and therefore it is prohibited. You threaten out fuel provision, you threaten our sense of superiority, our sense of omnipotence, by acting in a way which offends these matters and others besides, you are threatening our control of you and this can never, ever be tolerated.
Hypocritical? Yes. Contrarian? Yes. Double standard? Absolutely, but from OUR perspective it is permissible for the reasons detailed above.
Thank you so much, great insight. Xx
HG I’m just wondering your golden period with SM seems to be very very long are you sure you are not changing your ways
Surely there must have been some devaluation by now .
Just a question
I’ve thought the same question …. I’m sure others have as well
I do believe a narc “adapts” to the situation that most suits their needs at the time and cannot “change their ways”
I sense SM is a most valuable asset to Mr Tudor and the dividends will be extremely high in the long term
Once the acquisition if “firmly secured” ….then the games begin
We just wait
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I would say there have been some moments where SM is painted black but then that is quickly brushed away. The black moments will get longer over time and lead to devaluation once boredom and reality rear their heads. I hope this isnt the case but just going by npd patterns.
You’ve hit the nail on the head ….”boredom and reality”, I couldn’t agree more and the familiarisation plays a huge part
I really don’t know how Mr Tudor manages to keep secrets especially living together
Im usually pretty good at sniffing something out with people, it may not happen overnight, but it will happen, eventually
I remember the first time we met our greater friend, I said to Mr Bubbles …. “I don’t like him” …..I had no idea why, I just didn’t
Time is a great revealer (just like your horror flick trailer)
Thank you lovely one 😊
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi bubbles…ty for your reply and i fully agree time is a revealer. Just like the saying give a person enough rope and theyll hang themselves.
Your posts always bring a smile. Hope your days a great one 🤗😘
Aw, you’re too kind pretty one ☺️thank you
Precisely …. “give a person enough rope and they’ll hang themselvles”
Classic case yesterday with my mum in conversation as she was reflecting in the mirror
“Ohhhhhh…… whats happened to that gorgeous face of mine” ? I’ve always enjoyed looking in the mirror. Mwah ! (as she blows herself a kiss) Men have always found me attractive. I often wondered who I’d to get to look after me when “whats his name” died. I always knew he’d die before me, you know I’ve have never cried over “what’s his name” …..I was more upset over my cat”
(The cat and “what’s his name” both died within days of each other)
Just another day in the life of my mum 🤣
Hugs right back at ya lovely one 🤗
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
This is an old horror flick from the 80s the stepfather but it to me reflects the idolization, on and off blackening of the partner and eventually the discard or in this case murders of that partner. They murder us all regardless in degrees of damage. I think theres always blackening on and off and only progresses as the infatuation weens and the reality sets in which threatens the facade bubble in the narcs mind. Once infatuation diminishes and reality sets in you can get ready for devaluation.
Dear Mr Tudor,
What do you say when the doctor asks
“How many sexual partners have you had” ?
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
More than you.
Dear Mr Tudor,
You aced it again
You never fail to impress
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
HG, I forgot to tell you, during sex he would suddenly pull out, lay on his back and say “I want you to suck my c***”.
What is this? Grandiose?
The MMR who choked me.
He bit my earlobe a few occasions. It hurt but I ignored it. Is that BDSM?
It is control. It is a form of provocation designed to control you and to draw fuel from you.
His biting you was not BDSM, it was not with your consent and was an assault. This was also done to provoke you for the purposes of control and drawing fuel.
HG thank you so much. You are a good person and a great person.
You are welcome.
This article I commented on last month as well
Re: cheating is not equal to a drink with the boys as it requires an element that a man is completely unable to give you.
Today I will say… if it’s not such a big deal… then why do your kind loose thier minds about it ? You see… it’s the same for us… we also have an ego… we also have some pride… so we get furious at the thought just the same way a narc would. And on top of that… a lot of us see it as an intimate connection.
the way this one is written makes fun of us a bit. Which ok. Whatever. We make fun of your kind too. Fair enough.
But the empath is not without an ego. And I can’t speak for others but I will show mine when I need to.
And just between all of us who read here… I get quiet turned on by making up after one of these “hysterical” fights… maybe that makes me odd. But sometimes a good jealous fight is just what the doctor ordered.
Hello HG. Interesting article and what I took from it was basically narcs have nothing meaningful in their lives which is truly sad. Love, friends, spouses, holidays etc they ruin and addictions, cruelty, pain, and no morals encompasses them which equates to emptiness to me.
If you take those two polar opposites and compare it seems “we” have a purpose and narcs have none minus fuel – that’s a sad realization for me.
Always an interesting perspective. Having been raised Christian, its really difficult for me to wrap my head around, yet at the same time, I know both sides of this equation. I’m not even sure monogamy and fidelity actually exist, though we are raised for that to be the everything in life. That may fall into the category of the Easter bunny and Santa Claus.
I agree monogamy and fidelity is up there with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. If we had not been indoctrinated that it was wrong, I doubt we would subscribe to it or feel guilt or remorse. We would likely go where our needs (and not all of them are sexual) were best met.