Never Let Go

I was engaged in a discussion recently with Dr E. The conversation concerned relationships.

“So, when you end a relationship, tell me how do you feel about it?” he began as he unfolded his notebook and found a fresh page.

“I do not end my relationships,” I replied.

“I see, so they are always ended by the other person are they?” he asked.


He waited to see if I was going to say anything else but I remained silent. Come on Dr E, let’s see where you are going with this. You cannot outsmart me. He sat looking at me and I at him.

“Those answers suggest to me then that your relationships do not end.”

Give Dr E enough time and he always gets there.

“Exactly,” I answered.

“I see. We have discussed a number of relationships that you have and have had. With family members, acquaintances, friends and of course lovers. Now, from what you have explained to me I would certainly regard many of those relationships having come to an end, either by your doing or, though admittedly less often, at the hand of the other person.”

“Your concept of a relationship evidently differs from mine.”

“Please, expand on that point.”

“My relationships begin when I determine that they should begin,” I started to speak. Dr E frowned but said nothing. I could tell he wanted me to provide clarity to that assertion and I was happy to oblige.

“When I detect somebody who will prove of use to me then our relationship has already begun. It matters not whether we have spoken in person or even made any kind of contact. The decision that the relationship has begun rests with me.”

Dr E was making notes as I spoke.

” The nature of the relationship is defined by what use that person is to me in providing me with my fuel. If the fuel they provide is strong and potent then I will be spending a lot of time with that person, others less so. I dictate the pace at which the relationship will develop by such criteria that I understand people like you apply to relationships.”

“What criteria are those?” asked Dr E.

“Instances such as familiarity with one another, whether there is a hand shake or a kiss on greeting, the name by which we call one another, whether they can be relied on to provide information, whether they will lend money, whether we go to certain places together and how often, whether we live together, all of these things are what you measure a relationship by.”

“And do you regard those criteria as instances that ought to happen over a particular period of time?”

“No. They are all measurements by which I know people like you determine the nature of the relationship. I use them as markers by which the level of fuel can be influenced, accordingly, I will move them along at a pace which suits my demands for fuel.”

“But not according to anyone else’s input or say a generally accepted norm from society?”

“Well, the other person has to consent to the act, I mean, I haven’t imprisoned anyone in my home. Yet.” I smiled.

“But if they are to provide their consent surely that means the timescale is taken out of your hands?”

“Not at all. I just make them consent in accordance with my timescale,” I said.

“By exerting the influences you have described to me previously?”


Dr E remained silent as he continued to write.

“So you determine when the relationship begins and the pace at which it proceeds and this relationship never ends?”


“But some of the instances of your intimate relationships that you have described to me certainly fit with the concept that they have ended.”

“Not at all. If I have cast someone to one side because, as they always do, they have let me down in some way, then I will not let them walk away. They might think they have been able to do this. Indeed, in certain instances I encourage that train of thought so that the person’s defences remain down and thus they are susceptible to me resurrecting our interaction. Nobody leaves me and I do not leave anybody. They will always serve some kind of purpose, at some point and therefore there may be a pause in our interaction but there is never a cessation.”

“What if the other person decides they no longer wish to interact with you?”

“Why on earth would they think that?” I asked puzzled.

“Well, your treatment of many of them was harsh and unpleasant.”

“But no less than they deserved. People need to know their place and if they step outside of that they must be brought to heel.”

“Why?” asked Dr E.

“Because I gave them everything and each time they repay me by letting me down. That is unfair. Each time I give them the world, I really do doctor and no matter how wonderful I am to them they do not do enough in return and they let their affection become dull or they fail to provide me with the adoration that I deserve. It is wrong and they must be made to see how wrong they are punished for their transgressions.”

“So you maintain a relationship to punish the other person?”

“In part yes, but it is usually because they still prove of use to me and they have their debt to me to repay.”

“I see,” remarked Dr E and he continued with his writing.

“And when do they repay this debt?” he asked.

“That’s the problem doctor, ” I said with a sigh, ” they never do. That is why I never let them go.”

14 thoughts on “Never Let Go

  1. Cyn says:

    Mine would also just refuse to say goodbye during a final break off email or conversation. He would tell me he was refusing. Or he would later come back and just say he was not done yet; that I was being a quitter and he was not a quitter and that he had never given up on me before so I shouldn’t either. It was as HG said, like it really wasn’t up to me at all. Somehow it would plant enough doubt that it would work! That’s why no contact is the only way.

  2. Cyn says:

    “I’ve invested so much into you and into us and always at my expense.” Lol

  3. Leolita says:

    Thank you for the reminder of no contact

  4. Karen says:

    Excellent article. What about the stalker behavior! Same or different?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Stalkers are narcissists, Karen.

      1. cadavera666 says:

        If you ever feel the need (unless you have previously and I’ve missed it), I’d really appreciate an article written on stalking. Last year, I was briefly involved with a narcissist, not sure yet what category he falls into yet, and who’s projections were very transparent. As in, not very good at projecting because it was so obvious to me what he was doing. During his smear campaign on social media, he called me a stalker a couple of times. He also had mentioned to me that he’d been stalked previously while we were friends. He called me a stalker because I had been trying to get him to squash the b.s. since we run into each other sometimes and I didn’t want to feel awkward. I told him that I didn’t want to be friends but can we just not be enemies? And got called a stalker, among other choice words, for my attempts at trying to reason with him. As much as I could’ve thrown him under the bus like he did me, I resisted commenting on his smear posts (he even mentioned me by name in the second one) so that they just fell flat. I doubt his friends really give a crap about what I allegedly do and the mutual friends we share know what’s up and they don’t care much for him. But yeah, I’d be interested in this topic if you ever care to write more on it and I thank you.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello C666, stalking is a series of hoovers, so if you read the articles appertaining to the various forms of hoovers this will provide you with more information. If you need assistance with regard to your specific circumstances, do organise a consultation.

          1. Lorelei says:

            “A series of hoovers.” Brilliant

    2. MB says:

      There’s a show now on Investigation Discovery. “Obsession Dark Desires”. The victims of extreme stalking tell their stories. So many examples of No Contact Suicide, Malice Campaigns, and Malign Hoovers! It’s good viewing for Tudorites.

  5. mollyb5 says:

    HG …You make them do good on their debt to you ,like Scrooge ? Ebenezer Scrooge ?

  6. Pati says:

    The Narcissist thinks we belong to them no matter what. We are their property.

  7. Mary Robinson says:

    HG, when you give them the world, is it because you genuinely want to or it’s because you have to to gain fuel?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is done for the purposes of control.

  8. Esther says:

    Great article! Thanks! The last 2 sentences pretty much nailed it:”And when do they repay this debt?” he asked.That’s the problem doctor, ” I said with a sigh, ” they never do. That is why I never let them go.” Wow!

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