Why Not Let Me Go?



It is a common question that is asked of me. Why don’t you and your kind just let us be once you have discarded us, why do you have to keep coming back to us, why apply all that effort in hoovering us when you can go and get somebody new and concentrate on them instead? Those are fair queries but they fail to understand the dynamic that is at work in respect of why we keep coming back to you. Here are the reasons why.


1.      Control. As I have explained previously, the Narcissistic Relationship lasts until either one of us dies. We need to remind you that you belong to us. We need to exert our rights under the Narcissistic Covenant and by hoovering you, this is the most blatant and effective way of doing so.

2.      Perspective. You are an extension of us. We attach you to us when we seduce you and suck the fuel from you. We do not truly discard you but instead there is a temporary cessation before we engage once again and continue to draw fuel from you. Since we do not regard you as a separate and distinct entity, but rather part of our powerful and far-reaching selves, we consider you to always be available and thus we keep hoovering you since in our minds you are part of us and thus within reach.

3.      Punishment. In some instances, which is dependent on the type of narcissist you are being punished for your transgressions against us. These transgressions may be numerous but most often they are to do with the fact that you escaped us and/or you failed to provide us with the necessary fuel when required. In order to demonstrate that we are superior to you, we deem it appropriate to punish you and thus you will be hoovered through malign follow up hoovers.

4.      Hoover fuel. This is the chief reason why we hoover. Hoover fuel is very potent, it is edifying and invigorating. Why is this? There is every likelihood that when we seek to hoover you post discard or post escape that you try to resist our overtures. This is because you have been devalued and abused, admittedly it is not always the case as some victims want us back regardless, but there are many who are at best reluctant and at worst determined to resist us. If we manage to draw a positive reaction from them or even a negative one, it reinforces our power over this person and causes the fuel to be even more powerful. If we manage to bring about the resumption of the Formal Relationship, then this is even better. We have emphasised just how much control we have over you and to have you return, either exhibiting joy, relief and thanks, the quality of this hoover fuel is impressive. Even if the victim provides no resistance to our hoover and willingly returns to us, pouring with positive fuel as we have allowed them back into our arms, the fact we know we can treat people the way that we do and they still want us and provide us with fuel results in potent hoover fuel for us as well. Knowing we can still evoke such emotion in people, after everything that we have done, laces the fuel with a particular power.

5.      Investment. You ought to be aware that we have invested our time and energy in you. This may well have been through the preparatory work that was engaged in when we targeted you, working out the relevant traits that you had which appeal to us, assessing your susceptibility to our seduction hoover and so forth. It also includes all of the effort that we put into your seduction and the devaluation thereafter. We know you. We know how you think, how you react, how you respond, how you act. We understand your mind. We know your strengths, your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities and your pressure points. We have ensured that you are attached to us, bound to us and functioning and therefore this solid and substantial investment in you is not just for an initial period of time. It is done so we can rely on this investment, time and time again in the future. We do not want to waste such a significant investment. This should enlighten you as to why it is just not easier to go and seduce somebody else. We have invested much in you and we want the return from our investment again and again and again. We will of course expend effort in securing new investment opportunities but we are not going to forgo previous investments as well.

6.      Compassion. Don’t get excited, I am not going to tell you that you can expect it, quite the opposite. Somebody other than us might decide that you have indeed had enough and move on and leave you alone. However, the fact that we lack compassion and remorse means that we see no reason to leave you alone. Your condition and state of mind are only relevant to us with regard to whether we can draw further fuel from you. We do not care that you are hurting, upset or that you are in pain.

7.      Entitlement. Our significant sense of entitlement means we can do as we please and naturally as someone who was once our primary source you are always going to be subject to the manifestation of this entitlement by us keeping coming back to you, subject of course to the conditions of the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria which I have written about separately.

8.      Pleading. Do not think that pleading with us for relief, release and clemency will get you anywhere. Not only will this draw no response because of the lack of compassion as mentioned above but because you are providing us with fuel we will want more of it and therefore your pleading is something we want to see, but it will have no effect on us other than to make us want you to continue to plead and beg.

Thus there are several reasons why we will not leave you be and let you move on. We will not grant you the freedom. You have to secure it yourself.

12 thoughts on “Why Not Let Me Go?

  1. Esther says:

    “6.Compassion. Don’t get excited,“ – I literally got excited for a moment here🤦‍♀️😁

  2. Whitney says:

    My God HG, I blocked the one who choked me and I feel sunken from my own delusions and fantasies. I had to talk to my friend. I said the one who choked me is an empath. She said “he’s a liar and a manipulator. He isn’t capable of a relationship. He wanted to kill a dog just for barking. He hates things. He’s toxic”

  3. BL says:

    I’m sorry. I know you feel crazy, but you sound perfectly normal to me! It’s amazing how they get your head spinning. I hope it all works out for you! 💗

  4. Tired says:

    The above article describes to the very letter the person I was in a relationship with. He does all those things. I think now, this time I am strong enough to keep him away and avoid any contact. I have tried time after time and havent been able to keep him away…wish me luck. My heart cannot take another minute of this pain.

  5. mollyb5 says:

    HG , if a midrange narc doesn’t have the mind to know what he is , how does he know mine ? He is only projecting his way of thinking onto me ? How does he have the intelligence to know what I think ? Isn’t he just going off what he believes a generically ,sensitive female, love devotee might think ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because his narcissism has evolved to understand and harness the empathic victim. It is not always 100% accurate, he is Mid Range after all, but it works more often than it does not. Remember, it is conscious decision making which drives his “knowing of you”.

  6. mollyb5 says:

    HG , I don’t believe the narc ( mid-ranger ) knows me ?

  7. Pingback: Why Not Let Me Go? ⋆ NarcTopia
  8. Notme! says:

    This is bugging the crap out of me at the moment. In a few days time I am expecting a hoover. I thought I had done everything I can to be ready for it but I realise I am full of shit.

    I expect something to be delivered to my house as he can’t contact me electronically, in preparation, I have rearranged long standing plans so I won’t be at home to receive it. I have recruited assistance to retrieve said thing and take it away or put it in the bin. All good then?

    NO, now I’m stressing that he knows me well enough to believe that not sending something is more likely to draw a response from me as it would be the first time he hasn’t hoovered me on that day for more than half of my life. Even though I won’t respond to a benign hoover, I will see the abscence of one as a malign hoover and I’ll hate him all day. I hate him now just thinking about it.

    I feel like I will never be free of him and the bastard hasn’t done anything. Who is the crazy person in this? Er that’ll be me.

    1. Alexissmith2016 says:

      Notme as soon as you stop second guessing what he is or is not planning what he is or is not thinking uou will have seized the power. He’s practically a robot, he and his thinking do not matter at all. You do.

      So what if he does send you something, it’s akin to getting your car serviced because you need it to function so you can travel to work. So what if he doesn’t. You matter, he does not! He’s pathetic. You’re lovely.

    2. Claudia says:

      Hey Notme! Hang in there you’re not crazy! You will be ok.
      It can be a long process but keep true to yourself, read H.G. and the people here and on Quora, and you will get free. You will definitely be angry and that is ok. You can be angry and resist hoovers. You can be angry and not do what they want or expect. Then one day you will feel a little less angry and you will laugh. You’ll laugh more. You’ll even see them and remember that you cried and you will wonder why, because their spell will be broken. You will be different than before maybe, but you will be free. I am wishing you the best.

      1. Notme! says:

        Thank you Claudia, for your reassurance, kind words and your best wishes. It was very kind of you. I will keep on it xx

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