20 Fuelling Admissions
There are many things that my kind like you to say. We want to hear your praise, your affection, your love and your adoration. We want to hear your anger, your frustration, your upset and your vitriol. You hear words. We hear emotions which fuel us and cause the powering flames to burn fiercer and higher. When you become ensnared by one of our kind, we make you a victim of our range of machinations. As part of this entrapment we aim to have you provide us with fuel and this is done by causing you to say certain things to us. We are obsessed with the concept of our status, our superiority and our power. We must always ensure that you are inferior to us, that we are in control and that you are obedient. If we ever feel that this imbalance is slipping, then we will fight to maintain it. We are the conqueror you are the conquered. In keeping with this need for control and domination, we want you to not only be the victim but ensure that you act as one and portray your status of victimhood at all times in your dealings with us, save when we decide to the contrary. The latter being usually for public appearances and the maintenance of the façade. We want and need to hear you reinstate your designated role. Of course this does not mean that you will declare that you are a victim, using those very words, because when we have you in our grasp you do not realise that you are indeed a victim. Instead we need to hear it through you stating certain phrases which amount to admissions that you are a victim. Understand that when you make these remarks you are fuelling us and also reinforcing the imbalance that exists between you and us.
- I am sorry.
- I just didn’t think.
- I don’t know what I am supposed to do.
- I can’t understand what you want.
- I can’t take this anymore.
- I will do anything for you.
- I just want this to work.
- I’m not giving up on us.
- I deserve better than this.
- Why are you doing this?
- Please stop.
- Please talk to me.
- Am I not good enough for you?
- Why is it only me that is treated like this?
- I just want to be happy.
- Tell me what you want from me.
- I didn’t realise.
- I always put you first.
- I want to make you happy.
- What’s happened to us?
4 thoughts on “20 Fuelling Admissions”
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I don’t think I outright said any of these things either, except maybe # 3. However, I do think I was “supposed” to, and he was trying to bait me into chasing him.
We were friends when we were younger, before he has substance abuse. In our communication over the years (we were in different states), there was a lot I didn’t know. So for a while I was barking up the wrong tree, and thought the substance abuse was the issue. Which it partially is, but I see now that he’s an abuse Lesser, with serious emotional and relationship problems.
I’m reminded of that article about appliances not working properly. I can see now that from my end, I was trying to pull him back into the old friendship dynamic that we had. And during my Golden Period, that’s what he showed me. But then his mask would slip, and it was too hard for him to go against the grain of who he is now. He started to try to pull me into his push-pull, baiting women to chase him, and he wanted me to be so distraught during his pushing away behaviors (which I was). But I guess fortunately for me, I didn’t “work” properly because I didn’t chase, and now I’m in the trash heap with the other broken appliances. His perspective though, because I’m almost through month 2 of no contact, and I’m slowly working through the ET, and starting to see I dodged a *huge* bullet. The more time passes, the more I see that I’m very fortunate to be free of his emotionally abusive, push-pull, jerk ways.
I don’t think I said any of these. I did apologize once when I blurted out that I would never have kids with someone like him. Right away I could tell he was not happy and I genuinely felt bad for saying it the way I did. I never said sorry again because I knew that I was not always at fault. One time near the end of the relationship he asked me for an apology because I told him I was not happy with him. I refused, I told him he never once said sorry for anything so why should I apologize. Also, I am not apologizing for how I feel.
“Why is it only me that’s treated like this?” Oh boo hoo! Maybe I’m a narcissist (although I suspect I am just a normal with some empathic traits) but that just makes me sneer and laugh!
“I just want a life. Why can’t I have a life?”
You had one. You left that con to con me. Then you went back to the original con because that one proved easier to manipulate. And there you’ll stay, and con others as you’ve always done. Your life is a con. So glad I’m away from it.