Angels With Dirty Faces



You are surrounded by Angels with Dirty Faces, albeit you are unable to see that encrusted filth that cakes them. You are oblivious to the touch which taints and the soiled footprints which beat a path back and forth to you. These individuals are the patient friend who listens to your tale of woe, the kindly physician with the twinkling eyes who resides at Bedside Manor, the soothing carer who chats to the elderly and infirm, the diligent charity worker and the host of the site which professes to guide you, the victim, out of the maze of narcissistic abuse.

The Angel with a Dirty face is an individual who is utterly convinced of their inherent goodness and moreover they have an unquenchable desire for the world to know that they are a good person, that they care, that they understand.

This facade of virtue and integrity is fundamental. It is how they truly believe that they are because this is what the world must know about them. It is not the quiet application of the nursery worker who looks upon those in her charge and smiles inwardly at a job being done well. It is not the sheepish looks of the diligent nurse when he is praised by grateful relatives. It is not the patient smile and humble response of the therapist who is hand-holding their distraught charge through their third meltdown of the year. The Angel with a Dirty Face has a towering conviction that they are good and you had better believe it because if you do not, well, then that makes you a bad person.

The Angel with a Dirty Face is not the Lesser of our kind. No. He does not have the capacity to emulate empathy. He does not care and is not even configured to even be able to try to look as if he cares. He is too rudimentary and brutal, too caught up in attempting to satiate his own needs to bother looking outside of his own bubble. He does not understand what it is to care and nor is he capable of doing so. It is not the Greater of our kind. True enough the masterful Greater Narcissist will easily be able to mimic those expressions and words of concern and is not beyond their occasional use purely for the purposes of driving his agenda, but be known for this faked empathy? No, that disgusts the Greater. He does not wish to be seen as caring, that is for others to do, his greatness comes from delivering – whether it is profit, great works of art, sensational film and literature, glorious rhetoric on the podium, lung-busting athletic records, mesmeric dance, intoxicating sexual congress and so forth. The Greater wishes to be known for pioneering achievement, the caring and the cuddling is beneath them.

The Angel with a Dirty Face is very much the preserve of the Mid Range Narcissist. He or she truly believes that he or she is a good person. They want you to know it too and you must accept it, well, because it is true. They think that they care about other people, they think that they do good work but they must be acknowledged for it and this must occur repeatedly. They want the recognition. They want you to tell them how good they are, that they are helping people, that they see you understand that they are honest and decent. Of course all of those responses are the fuel that they instinctively crave although  they are unable to recognise that. They see nothing wrong with being identified, highlighted and rewarded for their sterling work, after all, doesn’t that just tell more people about the good that they are doing?

There are those of the Mid Range school who are obsessed with such a portrayal. It matters to them that are seen as that local community pillar, the teacher whose pastoral care is second to none and the organiser of charity bakes and cancer research sales within the office. Where there’s a good cause, there’s a good chance you will find an Angel with a Dirty Face.

These individuals are everywhere and difficult to spot because of course they believe what they show the world. The Greater knows the charismatic front he advances which masks the seething malevolence and smiles that cold, reptilian smile as he sees yet more sleepwalking into his grasp. The Angel with a Dirty Face does not have that awareness. He or she has sufficient cognitive function to create the appearance of goodness, to appear to care, to put into effect what they believe themselves to be and in so doing this enables them to blend with considerable ease amongst all of you. The trusting nature of people, both normal and empathic alike means that they will see no reason to doubt the apparent caring credentials of these people. What you see is what you get, right? Seeing is believing, yes? This person is caring, helpful and good so they must surely be that way, after all, who on earth would ever put on one front and behave in a different way? Yet as you have come to recognise, not only is it our kind who do this, the depth of the front varying dependent on the school of narcissist, but its frequency is far greater than people realise.

So, how do you find the filth beneath the purity? How do you ascertain whether that person truly does feel that emotional empathy, is good of heart and mind and it is not just part of a facade? There are two detergents which remove the masking facade and expose the dirt that lurks underneath.

The first concerns recognition. As I mentioned above, the Angel with a Dirty Face must have recognition. Watch what happens if you fail to acknowledge that person’s contribution or if you accord it to somebody else. An empathic individual may be hurt that their efforts have gone unrecognised but they will largely keep it to themselves, not wishing to be seen as churlish or attention-seeking. They may leave it to another to correct the error but they will certainly not make a song and dance about being overlooked. Unsung hero is a medal they are more than content to wear. Someone normal might be irked and may speak up but they will not react to the failure to accord to them sufficient acknowledgement for what they have done.

Yet the Mid-Ranger who is the Angel with a Dirty Face who is not given recognition will be unable to contain the effects of this wounding. The failure to praise them, credit them for their endeavours, acknowledge what a kind and wonderful person they are results in them being wounded and this will manifest through the ignition of fury. Being Mid Range, the failure to recognise brings forth mainly cold fury. Accordingly, watch out for:-

  1. Complaining to other people as part of a protracted Pity Play – “I cannot believe that Mary forgot to thank me for my funding efforts, I mean, she knows I do this every year and all I wanted was her to say thank you. that’s not too much to ask is it? I didn’t notice her bothering her backside to help out.”
  2. Sulking at the event
  3. Giving a silent treatment to the person who has transgressed
  4. Passing passive aggressive comments either on social media or in person.
  5. Cajoling third parties to remind someone to recognise what they have been doing
  6. Refusing to offer further assistance until they receive an apology for the ‘oversight’
  7. Belittling the efforts of others in the same sphere
  8. Threatening to join a rival organisation

The nature of caring, empathising and demonstrating this goodness is, as I have witnessed, meant to be an understated endeavour, a vocation where the act itself is its own reward which requires no standing ovation or repeated praise and lavish thanks. Recognition is not required. If it is provided, the empathic individual or normal person will graciously accept it, but it is not a concern if it is not provided. Selfless individuals do not seek this recognition, but the Angel with a Dirty Face must have it and if they do not, you will know the reactions along the lines of those above and the dirt begins to show.

The second method of exposure is that of challenge. An empathic person recognises that people have views and opinions, that it matters that they should be able to articulate them and that they are not invalidated. I have learned much about this approach in my interactions with others and I am intrigued by their capacity to allow this. They will allow others to state their case, they will advance their own but recognise that the two can exist side by side. It is genuine tolerance, not done for show or for kudos but borne out of the empathic decency of allowing the voices of others. Not so the Angel with a Dirty Face. If you challenge their methodology of how they dispense their apparent care, if you disagree with their views, if you suggest there is a better way, you will then see the angelic coating recede and the dirt beneath come very much to the fore.

When challenged in this way, the Angel with a Dirty Face feels their superiority attacked and therefore since they are a Mid Range Narcissist in disguise, this attack on their perceived superiority ignites their fury and the attack must be repelled. You should watch for the following:-

  1. Being smeared and bad-mouthed to third parties for your audacious criticism of the Angel with a Dirty face “after all they have done” and “just because they are jealous of what I do” and “all I am trying to do is help people and this is how I am treated.”
  2. Directing Lieutenants and the Coterie to attack the transgressor. This is especially evident in an online environment where people will “jump in” on the accused and land blows on behalf of the Mid Ranger, after all, he or she most prefers others to be doing the dirty work.
  3. Invalidating the view of the transgressor and doing so without reference to any substantive point but saying they are wrong, because they are wrong.
  4. Going on the attack directly against the perceived transgressor.
  5. Acting hurt and crestfallen.
  6. Rolling out Pity Plays
  7. Accusing the transgressor through projection, most notable labelling them as  a narcissist.
  8. Isolating the perceived transgressor through familial or social ostracisation, removal from social media, removal from committees or employment.

The Angel with a Dirty Face is a dangerous individual because their facade enables them to inveigle themselves into positions of relative authority and from there when their endeavours are not recognised and/or others politely question or challenge their way of doing things, rather than listen and apply, they will allow the dirt to emerge and use it to smear and pollute the innocent and those who are genuine in their intentions. This dirt muddies the water to such an extent and so convincing are the performances of the Mid Ranger in these scenarios that those who have done wrong end up being made to be the scapegoat, they are pilloried and driven out. Of course, achieving such an outcome only reinforces the Angel with a Dirty Face’s notion that he or she is absolutely right and that what they did was justified.

You will know these Angels with Dirty Faces. Time to do some cleaning of your own.

6 thoughts on “Angels With Dirty Faces

  1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    The weasel was an angel with a dirty face who used us to his advantage
    Your explanation brilliantly and faultlessly equates
    I only wish I had known this before
    Thank you
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  2. Leela says:

    Already told about “my” narc-“friend” who is an Angel with a Dirty Face. BIG RED FLAG: Words don´t match the actions! They do not practice what they preach! They cannot keep up their masks all the time. From time to time you will get an ice cold and totally unempathic reaction when you talk about the poor, the sick, the hungry…etc. Just start talking about charity and poor, sick, hungry or otherwise challenged people in an unexpected moment. Sometimes you just get a blank stare and the narc reacts totally emotionless and ice cold. Another red flag: They contradict themselves all the time.

    One day they tell you this, the other day it´s something completely different. Ask them detailed questions about their views and their morality! RED FLAG: You only get a vague answer or even Word Salad! Or they just change topic! Memorize what they said and ask them about it at a later point in time: You get Word Salad or they tell you something completely different than they told you before!

    So ask them detailed questions, dig deep 😉 and ask for empathy when they expect it the least and you will see a blank stare and the mask crack and slip. There comes the Word Salad or they just “don´t wanna discuss that topic right now” and sulk! 😉 Pointing out their own discrepancies would probably lead to the ignition of fury, but I didn´t dare to try that one out 😀 Try it if you´re brave enough. 😉

    1. cadavera666 says:

      @Leela, oh I’ve done it and would you like to guess at what their response was? Let’s see here. How about passive-aggressive comments in another one of their rants…er…..I mean fb posts in reference to moi? Kind of like they were testing out the waters for a smear campaign but they’d already done so in response to the comment calling them out. They also don’t respond to compliments that have somewhat contradictory statements within them, such as, “I know we always haven’t seen eye to eye John but I have to say that I appreciate how you say whatever is on your mind with no concern about how others will perceive you….” I’m not sure why he doesn’t reply with even a short “thanks” but maybe it’s because he sees it as an insult or he knows that he’s attention seeking so he does care about how he’s perceived. Either way, if you say something derogatory to one of his rants, he won’t necessarily attack you like he did me but he’ll act confused as if he doesn’t understand why you told him that he sucks and you’re going to unfriend him. Maybe he really doesn’t understand but with all of his claims at how smart he is, I’d think he gets it. But, one of the things that stood out to me the most with him was his actions and words being completely opposite of one another. He makes it a point to say that he treats others like he wants to be treated. So, I did just that when he was being a complete ass to me just for asking him how he was feeling and if he needed anything from the store since I was there. I even told him after the fact why I said what I said (showing him how he was treating me). He never acknowledged this though and instead, chose to block me, then smear campaign and all of that. I’ve read some of his rants since then and there are so many holes and discrepancies that I really want to point out but I don’t bother wasting my time since it’s pointless and I’ll just be called a stalker if I do so.

    2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dear Leela,
      I can relate to every word you said
      You described the weasel to a tee
      They literally do your head in
      I was brave enough and obviously ignited such a fury he couldn’t bring himself to answer my final text, seeing as I called him out and provided evidence of his blatant lying
      He ended up giving me the silent treatment, such a coward and so predictable
      Thank you Leela, you detailed it to perfection
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  3. Bibi says:

    This is possibly the narcissist that irritates me most. I abhor sanctimony. ‘I am a better person than you, and likewise I am a tight-ass with no sense of humor.’

    I have had so many run-ins with these assholes. The UMR at my job chided me for not tipping enough at Starbucks.

    He made sure I knew that he gave to the homeless–those who are no threat and he feels superior to. But he trash talks everyone at work and makes himself look like the hero.

    They can be many types, but I see this with the Enneagram Type 2–the Helper. The UMR at my job is a 3w2, but I can tell you these Mid Rangers are fake as fuck.

    Inauthentic to the core. For so long I didn’t realize why they irritated me so much. I just despise this idea of, ‘Well you are a horrible person and I am better,’ bullshit.

    I simply won’t have it. I will walk out of the room. Adios.

    1. cadavera666 says:

      All in the name of “I’m better than you” when you didn’t know you’d entered a competition. And here you thought it was a bake sale…..smh

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