Lonely
I like it when you are lonely. That is my favourite place for you. When we first meet if you make mention of feeling lonely, or send a self-pitying tweet decrying your loneliness then I am straight on to you. You may as well have taken a knife to your chest, slit it open and shouted, “Come and get me.” Those in a state of loneliness are massively susceptible to my overtures when I decide to engulf you in my bombardment of flattery and zealous appreciation. Those who have tired of their single status and wallowing in solitary confinement seize on this interest of mine. The red flags may be fluttering but you never see them or if you do, you think “how pretty”.
I may make you feel wanted and special but all I am doing is moving you. I am transporting you from loneliness in the real world to isolated splendour in my false reality. Once I have positioned you there I shall busy myself cutting you off from family, friends and acquaintances.
You will readily go along with my fabricated denigrations of people you once held dear and who you saw regularly. You want more of the sugar that I am pouring on you. To do that you need to spend more time with me and thus less with anyone else. It is hardly a sacrifice though is it? Any dissenting voices are marginalised by cleverly constructed smear campaigns against these people (watch out – that campaign will be used against you in the not too distant future). You are an eager co-conspirator happy to discard these people (how can you be so callous?) with the repeated promise and reward of more of my intoxicating attention.
Once all those ties have been cut you are mine. You are dependent on me for everything. You have nobody to turn to and thus your focus will always be on me. As you try harder to please me, the realisation of your isolation becomes all the more apparent. You can feel the tendrils of loneliness wrapping around you once again.
I know you will feel this and I know you will do all the more to cling onto me, your life raft, your beacon of hope in the wilderness. Anything to avoid being left alone. I am afraid it is too late. Your isolation was sealed the moment you listened to me. You are so alone nobody can hear you scream.
58 thoughts on “Lonely”
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I’m never lonely even when the narcissist sociopathic psychopath isolates me from everyone….because the deep recesses of my mind are greater than his narrow mind will ever understand.
…your boat is at sea
Your anchor is up, you’ve been swept away
And the greatest of teachers won’t hesitate
To leave you there, by yourself, chained to fate
– Live, “I Alone”
“God frequently works in bank shots.” haha
…and how often does God call the shots?
Interesting post, some of these narcissistic people expect the world from people but cannot give the same. Ultimately though, it is God that saves us from fake people. You just never know who is playing nice for pretense purposes and who is actually a good person. Only God knows, that is why a relationship with God is key, that way, he can guide us.
The Bible says in 2 Thessalonians 3:3
“But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.
You can connect with God today if you want. Simply begin by saying a word of prayer to him.
May God’s blessing be with you, Amen. 🙂
God will not aid you with regard to protecting you from narcissists, however I will.
You can engage with God, if that is your choice, in other ways, but do not rely upon Him with regard to protecting you from narcissism.
HG, only you can protect us from them.
Correct.
But God created you, HG. Haven’t all your exes reviled Him for it?
Yes this is so true!
After reading this comment, i remember the many times that i praid to God to make the N. stop the abuse, and leave me alone, it never worked!
I begged God For years to tell me Why? Why? Why? and He led me to HG. How else can me ending up here be explained? He didn’t know the answers, but He introduced me to the Dark Angel that does. God uses his resources like that. He is well connected. 😊
I move in mysterious ways MB, nothing to do with that chap upstairs.
God frequently works in bank shots.
I prayed for for si many years myself MB! But HG gave me the strength to leave . To me he is my God in my book because if it wasnt for him I would still be with the cry baby Narcissist.
I prayed to God to protect me and my siblings from our parent’s abuse but it didn’t work so, when I was seven, I swiped baby Jesus from the manger/creche, killed him and dumped his body.
Later on, my mother asked me if I knew where baby Jesus was; I lied and said: No.
If there is a God, he can go fuck himself six ways from Sunday.
Savage K!
Hahahahahaha…damn skippy!
The Trinity: after Jesus, God was next; he supplanted my parents on my Hit List, when I was nine, and, once I took him down, the Holy Spirit just disappeared
into the ether. The world is a Godless place.
When with a narcissist, we need to walk away. God can give us the courage we need to walk away, or create opportunities to make this transition easier. However, we as humans have free will and what we choose to do with it matters. I hope this helps.
As someone with a deep faith in God, I can attest to the fact that God was not able to save me from the narcissist – either in my family of origin, my marriage or my most recent entanglement. I have been subjected to narcissistic abuse all my life and become a victim to it partially because it is a default from my childhood. I know God loves me. He has shown on multiple occasions that is the case. But, he does not interfere with my free will and that of others. And herein lies the dilemma. My woundedness leads me along paths that are not always righteous and God will not stop me from walking those paths. But, what he does do is sometimes put people or situations in the way. We can either take heed of those things or not. HG has been put in my way. As a manner of helping me to both pick up the pieces, gain a greater understanding of something it has been my unfortunate experience to be exposed to all my life, and to help arm me for the future. I don’t think that is necessarily the way HG would see it, but it does help explain my suffering and how that relates to my belief in God. He never said we would not suffer. It’s part of the human condition. And there are those who would manipulate our suffering in order to alleviate their own pain. Vigilance is key. But until we know what we are dealing with it is very difficult to be as vigilant as we ought. Most of the time we don’t even know what is happening to us, or why. We just know it hurts and we want it to stop. I know God loves me. Now I just have to learn to love myself more <3
Excellent post lickemtomorrow. He doesn’t interfere with our free will. I didn’t have a choice to escape as a child under control of a narcissist but I made a decision that even though it sucks and I’m angry I’m not going to do things that I would regret or ruin my life as a reaction to it. I thought that it will be me who would have to live with the consequences of whatever I decide to do. I waited and when I had a chance to escape as an adult I did my very best to seize it and God was there to guide me and make it possible for me. And if I didn’t find HG’s work I would still be under some control of the narcissists in one form or another. It gave me awareness to protect myself. And I see it the same way as you that it was put in place on our paths to be able to help us.
Thank you, MP <3
The reason I am so adamant about child protection is because children don't have a choice. You are never more vulnerable than when you are a child. And you are right when you say as children we are under the control of the narcissist. This makes escape nigh on impossible unless someone else steps in to do the job for us. So there are the abusers and the 'rescuers', those who seek to put themselves between the perpetrators and the victims. I am always going to be one who stands in the gap. I had one teacher in first grade (when I was 6 years old) who stood in the gap for me. She didn't try to rescue me, but she let me 'see' me which my mother had never done. I felt for the first time like I was seen and I clung to that moment and it clung to me for a lifetime. It's the only time I remember truly being seen as a child. But, going back to my comment and my beliefs, God had put someone in my way. It may seem little enough now, but it was everything at the time. My appreciation for her has never gone away. I still have two letters she sent after she left our school the following year. Don't ask me how I still have them after all this time, years spent travelling, but they are still with me 🙂
So, that is the time when I could not escape. And never would I want to victimize anyone further with thoughts that they should have/could have escaped by mentioning the notion of free will, though I see you've taken it as I meant it, MP. The first thing is being able to see through the fog the narcissist has created. Until we can do that it's very difficult to see we even have a choice. I made choices related to my marriage that were purely instinctual in terms of recognizing what I now know to be narcissism, its abuses and effects. I did come to the conclusion I had married my mother (doesn't always need to be the opposite sex parent we are drawn to in a partner – that one took me by surprise) and so knew I had to get out. A very long story attached to that one so I won't go into it here. But, I willfully entered into it and I willfully exited it. So where there's a will there's a way. As an adult, and in knowledge of what you are entangled with (even though I couldn't put a name to it at the time).
The other thing to take note of is the part the narcissist plays. The narcissist is also applying their will in the situation. They are equally responsible (though they will never accept that) and we are subject to both our own will and that of others in general in life. For me, I have to get that aligned with the will of God. In my adult narcissistic situations, it's a fact I haven't been able to do that. Partly because I was wounded, and partly because the narcissist is so adept at pulling the wool over our eyes. The literal wolf in sheep's clothing. They are so convincing and we are so vulnerable. It's hard to make that combination a win for the empath. In fact, it's damn near impossible. So, trusting that there will be an intervention at some level (possibly divine) – and HG may or may not want to take that back to himself – there is always the possibility of rescue and recovery. But we have to be willing participants and that means we finally have a choice in what is happening in our lives.
Here endeth the lesson 😉 And I haven't tried to reread and edit, so hopefully it makes sense!
Lickemtomorrow I totally agree with everything you said from both your original comment and your response to me. I just wanted to add that even when the choice to escape wasn’t present as a child of a narcissist, I felt that for me the choice on how to cope with it was still there. The choice and free will wis always there for us whether it is a choice to escape, to learn or to just merely change our perspective it is still there. There are many stories where apostles still found joy in the midst of hardship and in those circumstances the only possible way to find joy was changing the outlook or the way we see things. And I just wanted to say that it has been helpful to me to exercise that choice at that time and I am trying to go back to that and strengthening that again.
I’m very thankful for you that there was that teacher who was a blessing to your life when you were six years old. I’m glad that she was there and her impact have been incredibly strong and good to you. It is amazing how much impact our actions can have to a six year old even if we are not that child’s relative or family. What you shared is so inspiring. I’m also glad that you still have her letters to you. It is obvious that you mean a lot to her for her to leave those letters for you and maybe she understood your situation. I wonder what it was in her life that made her understand your situation and recognize that you needed you to see yourself and you to feel that she sees you. It is wonderful that you are carrying on her legacy through your actions for other kids in similar situations.
I totally understand what you said when you felt that you married your mom. When I was in the fog of attraction to the narcissist who tried to seduce me I kept being reminded by my MR half sister by him. The only excuse or rationalization that I was able to find was that they share the same zodiac sign. I don’t even believe in zodiac signs but I was trying to look for ways to explain what was going on. Now I know that their similarities are just because they are both narcissists. And just like you, that feeling of them being similar was a warning and so I knew that I should resist the temptation even though my attraction to him was so strong and he seemed so perfect for me I had a feeling that I was going to make the worst decision in my life if I followed my heart. All of the narcissists in my life reminded me of each other regardless of their schools. They all share some similarities in one way or another. And whenever I started having that feeling of being reminded it is my signal to leave the dynamic.
Thank you for the lesson. I loved it and I totally agree with you. 😊💕
MP, your comment means so much to me. Thank you <3
The choices we make as children are out of necessity, I believe, and the need to survive by any and all means possible. Our minds instinctively tell us what we need to do in order for that to happen. HG has pointed out the combination between genetic dispositions and lack of control environments which have an impact also. But, somewhere, somehow, we determine how we are going to survive. My 'choice', and part of my downfall, was to become co-dependent. That's where my empathic nature led me. Into the service of narcissist's for a lifetime! Until I understood.
And the Apostles did indeed find joy in hardship and the Gospels would encourage a level of acceptance coupled with the grace of God in order to overcome difficult circumstances. It is not always possible to move out of a situation and therefore we need to find ways to manage it. So I'm glad you found a way to manage your situation with the inspiration you needed.
I don't know what inspired my teacher to 'see' me. But she did. And it made all the difference. To have one person see you, acknowledge you and encourage you. I try to keep that in mind. Sometimes we feel there is little we can do in different people's circumstances yet even that little part we can play can make a big difference. I think she got married and that is why she moved away.
That's so interesting that you've had a similar experience in recognizing the narcissists in your life and especially in the narcissist's attempt to seduce you. Being able to sense the similarities with your sister and your discomfort around those makes me think you are finely tuned to these behaviours MP, even if comparing star signs was the first place you went to try and make sense of it all. Before I knew there was such a thing as narcissism I could draw the comparisons between my ex-husband and my mother, but now I can see them as clear as day. And at times they were in cahoots!
Thank you again for the compliment, MP, and I also loved what you had to say <3
Thank you so much lickemtomorrow. And it is my pleasure! 💕
What you said about the choices we made as children were out of necessity makes perfect sense. I have been thinking how different I am now compared to how I was. For some reason I had more self control as a child and especially when I just got out of my mom’s control I was compensating for the freedom that I didn’t have and was not in any mood to be disciplined or focused. I’m much better now though but I have lost a lot of years.
I’m glad that you found out that you’re a codependent so now you are aware of your tendencies and weak spots. I was not happy to see a Martyr element in my ED even though it is really small, especially when I found out that the Martyr is the Doormat cadre. Most people would be surprised and say no way but knowing myself and the things that I did for the narcissists in my life, I really have a doormat in me even though it is just very small. It is interesting how there are things about us that we can’t see and even the people who know us can’t see until it is pointed out to us and then our past behaviors make more sense. And now we connect that with our past experiences and we are able to predict in the future a possible trajectory of a relationship that we have with someone.
I am the same way, I can see the comparisons now as clear as day. Even though at that time I have that strong warning signal, there were huge potentials for me to ignore those signals. With this narcissist it just so happened that I am already married when he seduced me so my responsibility to my husband and kids was another factor that prevented me from being ensnared. I would bet that if I was single I would totally ignore those signals and happily jump off the cliff to follow my heart. Even though I remember how I was very critical and cynical of men and extremely picky when I was single there’s a possibility that if a narcissist seduced me at that time I may have ignored my standards because of my pathological attraction to them.
The idea of getting out from under our parent’s purview got me thinking, MP. I think the level of control they apply creates an automatic response when you’re finally released from it allowing for a great degree of ‘slack’. Which could mean a lot of things, but one of them is finding yourself. Because you have often not been allowed to do that with a narc parent. It can be a tortuous time as they have not prepared you to think for yourself. I lost years as well, but hopefully am making up for them now, too.
I’m majority codependent (54%) with a high percentage superempath (32%) and almost equal magnet and saviour (40/45%) with some martyr thrown in for good measure. I say I am codependent now to acknowledge that aspect of my empathic nature, but it is countered by some strong narcissistic traits. The recognition of these things really is helpful in terms of determining the future and the impact on our relationships. And definitely helps to clarify some things from the past.
There is always potential for us to ignore the signals and jump off that cliff. And you obviously weighed all the factors when it came to your possible ensnarement, MP. I’m sure that wasn’t easy as narcissist’s are so good at what they do and have no qualms in terms of who they target. They make it easy for you to do what they want you to do because they make you think that is what you want to do, too.
And the pathological attraction is the thing we need to beat. Our own vulnerability if you will. Thankfully HG provides the tools we need to do that here 🙂
And plenty of people in similar situations to support us along the way <3
Thank you LET.
I totally agree with your first paragraph. You did a great job explaining it and that is exactly what I went through. Finding myself indeed. I escaped her by moving here to the US where she could not follow. I lived with my dad who insisted that I take some courses in a University 50 miles away from him and he rented an apartment for me where I could walk to school. I shared the apartment with a roommate too. All of a sudden I really felt like an adult. Just prior to that I was in my home country living with my mom as a 26 year old woman and sharing finances and budget with her. Even with my income from work she had some say on how I should spend it because we are sharing my income and the money my dad was sending us in order to pay for everything. Even with the clothes that I bought and way I wore my hair she always had something to say. Then all of a sudden here in the US I was able to choose the furnishings and accessories of my apartment and I am living with someone who is at the same age as mine. I went home to my dad on weekends and he was always an amazing pleasure to hang out with. I am so thankful that my dad gave me that experience even though I was already in my mid twenties. Finding myself was definitely a phase and I am not sure that I am completely over that phase but if I am not I feel that I am at least really close to the end. I even have dreams lately with flashbacks of my childhood that makes me feel back to my roots when I wake up. I really feel more and more centered recently. I wonder if my mom’s death last year has anything to do with this.
Thank you for sharing your EDC results. What a cool combination of schools and cadres. It does really sound like you would be a huge Narc Magnet with your Co-D and SE combo. I can totally see both the Magnet and Super in you. You are very assertive but your Magnet keeps you balanced and still diplomatic. I think my dad was a Saviour too. I used to think that he was a Magnet but after seeing HG’s list of famous empaths I am more sure that he was a Saviour.
Also I have just thought, the difference between finding myself after my freedom is that even at that time I have always had a strong sense of self. I knew my principles and who I am and it has always been very strong. What I was finding was how to apply myself in the world around me and how I want to do that. A lot of the things about me have been pushed to me by my mom and I have learned to rationalize myself into liking it such as the course of study that I took in college etc. It has been a hard phase finding out which parts of me is really me or was just pushed into me. And also unlearning the programming that my mom has done to me in terms of socializing with people.
Thank you for giving me credit for being able to avoid ensnarement. It was indeed very hard. I have even described here that I felt like a vampire craving for blood when I was depriving myself of accepting his invitation. But now it is much more easier with the things that I know about them. But I always need to remember that the vulnerability will always be there and keep my guard well fortified. 💕
Thank you for sharing more of your story MP. That was such a big move for you to make and it definitely paid off for you in the end. Your father seems to have been very encouraging in all of that, too. It’s good he was able to step up when you needed him.
I think I felt more ‘thrown out’ by my mother when the time came. She’d made me dependent and then just threw away the apron strings once schooling was done and it was time for her to get on with her own life! That may sound weird when you think of the control that has previously been applied, but it may be another form of control. It was like “good luck, you’re on your own now” and that probably left me feeling pretty helpless. Especially with the lack of preparation concerned. A weird kind of parental discard, if you will. LOL. Of course, the connection had never been there, and that was more proof of that. Lots to this story which I’ll save for another day, but having a supportive person like your dad sounds like it made all the difference. And the opportunity to get far, far away. I think it’s the combination of both that really gets you there in the end.
I think in many ways we spend a lifetime finding ourselves and sounds like you’ve done a great job whether you’re completely there yet or not <3 The flashback in dreams seems to be more of a subconscious healing journey you are taking to maybe complete that work. Either way, it sounds positive for you. I hope so. And it's quite possible your mom's death has something to do with that.
Thanks for your kinds words about my EDC x It's fascinating to know what is influencing people and how that means we relate to eachother. And your dad was an empath, too? He certainly sounds like one.
"A lot of the things about me have been pushed to me by my mom and I have learned to rationalize myself into liking it such as the course of study that I took in college etc. It has been a hard phase finding out which parts of me is really me or was just pushed into me." Yep, my story, too. You've described it perfectly, MP x
And you definitely deserve credit for avoiding your ensnarement by the narcisisst. It's not an easy task and finding your way here I'm sure has validated you in your escape/resistance. The vulnerability will always be there, so lots of great material provided by HG to help shore us up.
Always lovely to hear your thoughts, MP. And so encouraging, too. Thank you <3
MP
” I really feel more and more centered recently. I wonder if my mom’s death last year has anything to do with this.”
An interesting thought and I think it did in my case. I felt differently after SN died. A kind of sense that he no longer had any physical/continuing effect on the world through his ongoing actions that could trickle down to me (his abuse of others for instance). That there was now a limit to the legacy of his abuse if that makes sense. His only reach could be through memory and I control what, when, how (and even if) I choose to think about him. He has no power himself – only that which I afford him.
This is not to assume that you would feel the same about your mother because I know you have happy memories about her that you can draw on, but I do think that there comes a sense of relief that their abuse and any effect from it on us and the world has finally been halted. We may always be guarded against abuse in general, but there will be no more damage coming from them to deal with.
Does any of that resonate with you or relate to your feeling of being centred?
Hi, Mommy Pino, I agree with you. I did pray for God to give me the strength to leave. It lead me to this blog. He did listen to me and HG saved me
Absolutely Eternity. 💕
I know what you mean, lickemtomorrow. I definitely believe that people or situations are put in our path to teach us something, and whether or not we choose to take notice of this is down to our own free will. I believe that, as heartbreaking as it was, my own recent experiences happened for a reason, and reading H.G’s work has been invaluable in helping me to make sense of it all.
Thanks for the confirmation, JB 🙂 I have definitely learnt some heartbreaking lessons from my narcissists, but they’ve always somehow put me on the path to further growth and enlightenment. So, I take the bad with the good. God let’s his rain fall on the fields of both and HGs work has been the enlightenment I have needed for a long time (make that a lifetime), too. If I hadn’t met my most recent narc, I wouldn’t have found my way here. If I didn’t find my way here I may never have been able to make sense of what had happened in my life, and interact with one who in a sense is the epitomy of the darkness which had surrounded me. To be able to gain that perspective has been invaluable to me. To learn that I was an empath has also been invaluable. To be able to see how the two relate and are drawn together and subsequently torn apart is invaluable to me. The healing journey has begun (and has been going on for a lifetime). Sometimes you need to hit bottom before you can begin the journey out of darkness. And here we can find some of the tools we need to do that. Keep aiming for the light, JB <3
‘Sometimes you need to hit bottom before you can begin the journey out of darkness. And here we can find some of the tools we need to do that.’ So very true, on both counts. I am feeling pretty stunned and somewhat overwhelmed at the enormity of the realisations I am going through at the moment, but am so glad I stumbled across this blog as I feel like here there are people who understand x
The revelations here can be quite stunning, JB, and I completely get where you are coming from. It’s a real eye opener, and to see it from the narcissist’s point of view is incredibly helpful and healing. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. So often we take things back on ourselves without realizing we were being played. Then we beat ourselves up for the ‘mistake’ we made. Little knowing this was the narcissist’s ploy all along. To trick us into thinking they were heaven sent. All the signs are there. And there. And there. And who doesn’t want to grasp that chance at love? Now we have been opened up to the other signs. The ones that were there. And there. And there. In fact, they were everywhere. Becoming aware is the greatest gift that could have been handed to me. So that I could lay my burden down. It wasn’t me. It was never me. And that means I can let go of the responsibility. And the shame. And the distress. And the mess.
The decisions I made were based on a falsehood. Once that became clear it was easier to apply my will to the notion of escape.
All hail, HG, for giving us what we need to bring an end to our suffering once and for all.
Not sure if I am replying in the right place, as there is no reply option under your last comment.
There were so many signs, so many times when something felt ‘off’. It’s like I knew, deep down. But I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. I kind of know it wasn’t my fault, but the sense of shame I feel is immense.
I mentioned shame because that was my experience, too. I felt ashamed believing I should have seen, should have known, and admitting it to myself (that I had been played and allowed myself to be treated badly) was part of that. So, I need to acknowledge shame. It has definitely been part of the experience for me. And my narc determined to humiliate me as well in several acts of malice post escape/discard. Humiliation related to acts of malice is always designed to engender shame.
There is a wonderful Tedx talk on YouTube by a speaker called Brene Brown. She speaks directly to the issue of shame and the difference between guilt and shame.
Shame is not helpful, but we feel it anyway. Guilt is a motivator to action with regard to a wrongdoing. So it is helpful in terms of making amends as necessary. Shame is the opposite. It’s what causes us to beat ourselves up. It paralyses us. We want to hide and feel despicable because of shame. Shame is the accusing finger which causes us to turn in on ourselves and against ourselves. Shame needs to be banished with the narcissist.
So while I acknowledge shame as a sense I can have, I understand in the situation with the narcissist I am guilt free (I was hoodwinked) and shame has no place in me.
JB
Shake it off. Shame serves no purpose other than keeping you linked to the trauma. Focus and build on the awareness you now have.
Correct.
Thanks, NarcAngel. I know you’re right. Guess it will just take time to shake off, but I’ll get there!
Lickemtomorrow: that talk sounds really interesting, thank you. I will check it out.
Please do. I think you will find it valuable. And she also has another which was recorded prior to that one on ‘vulnerability’. Another excellent Ted talk. I actually rewatched the one on ‘shame’ after mentioning it here and it’s definitely worthwhile.
I understand you, but pray to God to give you the strength to walk away from those relationships, and also pray to him to create opportunities for a better and new path. Our free will needs to source its power in God if you know what I mean.
Feel free to pray, but only the Hurt God is going to save people from narcissists.
I see you have a different perspective, that’s fine.
I do and fortunately for my readers mine is the effective perspective.
I enjoy alone time. I’ve never felt the need to constantly be out and about. I’d prefer to stay home and sit by the fire with a good book .
You know when I feel “ alone “ ? When I’m home with my narc. His presence makes me feel lonely.
He has never had friends, he goes nowhere and does nothing with his free time. He has no hobbies.
He prefers to stay home with his drug of choice, his constant trusted companion.
If I go out visiting, he comes with me. I don’t know why he bothers , he never seems to enjoy himself. Aside from that he never wants to go anywhere when I suggest going to see a movie, a drive, etc- . A vacation? What’s that?!
He’s attempted in the past to put a wedge between myself and my family and friends, it didn’t work, and that pisses him off . He’s crazy if he ever thought that I would choose him over my family.
He knows if /when we divorce I will not be lonely, I have a support network, he doesn’t.
I am, I suppose, in a self imposed prison with him. I am afraid to start over with less financial resources, but I wouldn’t starve.
Sometimes I think screw him , and then I feel bad for him because of his substance abuse problems and knowing without our kids and my family and friends , he hasn’t anyone. I don’t know why I care what happens to him in the future after the horrible way he’s treated me the past year.
I’ve done the same in the past with other people, they treated me like shit , but I’d feel bad for them and help them despite what they did to me. I’m not very good at holding grudges. It’s the way I was raised, my parents are the same. We are givers , not takers like my narc.
I almost wish he would get angry enough to hit me, then there would be no question, I’d file for divorce the same day.
Why can’t I stop caring? I know he doesn’t care whether I live or die.
I’m dreading the divorce process, I know him and it will be nasty and prolonged. But he’ll be in for a shock, I have enough dirt on him to bury him, and will use it as leverage.
As usual, my thoughts are all over the place.
This sucks .
Hello Tired… How are you doing? I realize that your post is a bit older, and perhaps you have explained elsewhere… but how are you doing within your marriage to a narcissist? Have you been able to make a step towards separation?
Thank you Bubbles. As he hasn’t done ANYTHING to remedy his supposed loneliness since he has lived in the UK (Instead choosing to blame the Brits for our “unfriendliness” and “backward ways”) I suspect you’re right.
Dear karmicoverload,
He’s probably telling the cute little chick in the local pub the same thing
When we met the weasel, he’s was supposedly “lonely” too, no friends, people didn’t seem like him for some “unknown”reason 😩Boo hoo
🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Shelley
No need for hope. You are here now and have the tools at your disposal to be successful. You are not lonely – you were actually lonely when you were with the narc if you think about it. You are now available for a real relationship. Things are looking up – so keep your head up.
What if it is the Narcissist saying he is lonely?
A Pity Play.
Thank you as always, H.G. Guess he should have started off his messages with the pity play rather than ending with it after a giant rant.
This has been my life for 3 and a half years …… every word of this cuts me to the bone because it is exactly what my abuser has put me through ….. i have gone from being an independant , fun but lonely lady in 2016 to a nervous wreck and a shadow of what i used to be ….. now …. and i have walked away from it all hopefully for the last time and hopefully there is better to come for me in the future …… meanwhile back to being lonely !
Dear Shelley,
Embrace your alone time if you can
It’s a positive step forward to finding yourself again
NarcAngel is right
Hang in there precious
We’re all here for you 🤗
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dear karmicoverload,
If the narc is saying he’s lonely, he’s lying 🤥
They’re never lonely
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Pretty much, this sums it up.