Poll : Which Sexual Manipulations Has The Narcissist Used?
Which sexual manipulations has the narcissist (or narcissists) used with regard to you during your entanglement with the narcissist?
You should know by now that narcissists use sex as a weapon of mass seduction, primarily this is the preserve of Somatic or Elite Narcissists, but sex will also be used by Cerebral and Victim narcissists too.
Detailed below are 25 different ways the narcissist may use sex to manipulate you. Which ones have you experienced? You may choose as many as are applicable before casting your vote. Do expand in the comments section with your observations and queries with regard to this subject.
To understand more about the way that the narcissist uses sex, access the following
The Role of Sex in the Seduction Stage – Part 1
The Role of Sex in the Seduction Stage Part 2
Will the Sex Tape Be Used Against Me?
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What is the difference between sexual assault and being forced to do axts one doesn’t want to?
There is no difference.
Thank you.
And is manipulation assault in this context, like, saying “I gave you an orgasm, so now you must satisfy me with your mouth, or … (I am unhappy / not satisfied with you / regard this is bad sex, … whatever).” While trying for a moment to force the woman’s head down? And saying then “I want to be alone now, go home, if I am not getting what I want” and refusing any alternative, too ….?
I mean, where does assault begin? It is like the volunteer question, – one is not really forced or controlled, on the other hand, in that situation, yes?
What do you think?
2. And the opposite, saying “we don’t have to have sex, if that leads to any complications.” (such as … discussions about him seeing another woman the next day for sex.) … What category would that be?
My NARC is well endowed and has sent me hundreds of dick pics to get me to come over for sex. He also sent me a video of himself jacking off to completion. I watch it when I masterbate. I refuse to see him, yet, masterbate to this video. I know,,,,this is not ok.
He has never had troubles orgasming, and can even orgasm multiple times. He engages in tantric sex. He has way too much pride in his sexual prowess to fail. When he had me under his spell, he never went down on me, and was extremely fast to orgasm. Once I realized who he was, I understood this was lazy selfish NARC behavior.
Later, when I was trying to escape, but continued to break down and see him for sex, he was masterful at going down on me. When I would go down on him, I would look up and he would be staring blankly off into the distance. It freaked me out and I had to stop looking.
He has jokingly threatened to expose a very short video of us, together, but I am confident he won’t. It will hinder his game too much with all the women he is grooming. He is without a primary intimate partner at the moment and, from where I stand, he is greatly suffering from lack of fuel.
Confusion.
He engages in tantric sex but was extremely fast to orgasm?
Tantric sex sounds like his excuse for: he took a long time to be able to cum.
NA, yes, I can see your confusion! He didn’t practice tantric sex all the time, only select occasions. Most of the time it was fast and furious. I had the tantric sex thing on my mind, since I had found out recently he did that with another of his victims.
This sex-thing is so sick! I read and re-read “Sex and the narcissist”, this is just so weird! Those people are sexually so dysfunctional! They prefer w@nking to good sex, they cannot get aroused like normal people, they need power and control for that, some use sex to get fuel, others do not, they are horrified of intimacy, male narcs are misogynists, they just masturbate with the partners body, my goodness! This is totally dysfunctional!
“Mine” would always point out how disciplined he is and how much control he has, how superior he is by withholding sex from women and enjoying to j€rk off instead. Others withhold sex from their IPPSes, some are serial cheaters, some stop having sex with their IPPSes, watch porn and w@nk.
The hardest part for me is to understand the weird sexuality of narcs because I´m really into sex and enjoy it very much, I have a good healthy sexuality, and then I read THIS! Crazy! Totally dysfunctional people!
Dysfunctional to you, not to us.
Yes, for your kind it is normal and totally makes sense. For “normals” and “empaths” it is really hard to imagine and even harder to understand. 🙂
Wow interesting. I didn’t check off many because sex wasn’t really an issue but I did notice sexual withdrawal early on as part of his hot/cold behaviour. And there it is in the top spot.
I was no IPPS. But I told the story how this maniac shattered my ego first by ALWAYS making compliments but pointing out that he is not interested in me AT ALL (“negging”).
My narcissistic traits and my ET fooled me and so my ego got hurt (but could clear my mind now).
I suspect that I have a high degree of somatic narcissistic traits. TDC in progress!
But anyway, I chose “withdrawal of sex” cause that was a manipulation.
I only got hugs and kisses on my cheek which were the worst of my life! Robotic! Mechanic! 🙁
OMG, I checked off more boxes than I realized I would. I can remember all the days he walked outside naked. At first, I found it interesting..a bit of confidence- he was only walking around in our backyard which had a privacy fence. He encouraged me to do so, I found it freeing. Until the one day we got into an argument, I left out the front door-clothes and thinking that he wouldn’t come after me because he was naked! Fooled! He walked right outside fully naked in front of all of our neighbors still yelling! He stood outside like that while I pulled off. Narc didn’t even try to cuff his sack, just fully exposed. He did it a few times after that during the early mornings. I stopped altogether.
The almost rape occurred when I wouldn’t do “ass sex.” So, the next time, he turned me over doggy style and I thought we were just going to do that position..One quick turn he pinned me and tried to enter my ass! I started screaming it hurt so badly. He stopped.
Ohh, I could go on and on!! Almost everything on this list!
Well, if he wants anal, he can f…. himself, because he IS the a… hole 😉
Triangulation (a lot), no interest in sex, mechanical sex, inability to orgasm, wanting me to have sex in public, criticizing my performance.
Cerebral Victim Narcy is angry with me for blocking him on social media. He has taken to making a music track using my sexual moans, and playing it loudly.
You are in good company. Listen to “I Love to Love You Baby,” “Je T’aime…Moi Non Plus,” any basically anything by Barry White (aka the Walrus of Love).
What about Justify My Love by Madonna .
I suspect Madge has always faked it.
Karmic:
Oh, and if anybody asks you about the moaning recordings, say, “I always had to fake it with him. Don’t tell anybody. I know I can trust you.”
No, you do not talk about it at all.
What if someone asks you, “Is that your voice on Fucky McFuck-Face’s recording?”
Do you just say something like, “No idea what you’re talking about”?
Minion: “Well, let me play it for you…”
Recovering Empath: “No, thank you. Gotta motor: hairdresser appointment. Very difficult to get during Lockdown.”
Fucky McFuckface! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I spat my drink out! 😅🤣👏👏👏
Karmic:
Were we all imbibing over the weekend? At least partly explains some of the stranger threads on here.
HG,,sorry but what does the Narcissist being absent during sex mean?
It is as if she or he is not there, a distant look in the eyes, as if their thoughts are somewhere else.
HG , thank you , would that included looking away too.
Yes
Thank you for answering all of my questions I really appreciate it !
Not sex, but occasionally I have to have business calls with pantman. Sometimes he goes all vacant and types while we’re talking (unrelated to our conversation) perhaps an email to someone else or carries on with another project. It’s so rude. The first couple of times he did this I just told him how rude it was and that I would hang up on him if he did it again. After that I would simply hang up on him and not answer further calls until several weeks later.Thankfully we don’t have to speak that often but After a few times of me hanging up he doesn’t type any more.
Would that have been wounding or challenge fuel?
See The 3 Interactions With the Narcissist, that is what it is for.
Triangulation comparing to me others – that I was sexual/kinky & his exes weren’t
Wanted a 3 some but it didn’t happen
Hypersexuality which I wanted
Pressure to perform a sexual act I didn’t want to perform – I want nothing to do with the anal area haha because I’m a germaphobe. No matter how clean I am, the bacteria way up there is a no for me. He didn’t force me because I said if I get a urinary tract infection I cannot cater to him
He wanted someone in particular to walk in on me giving him oral sex but he wouldn’t tell me who
He wanted me to have sex with him on the balcony of one of his vacation properties so others could see us
Wanted me to send him sexual messages while he was in business meetings
Pity play that he couldn’t keep up with my libido due to his older age even though he wanted sex with me every day
Ashley,
Mine would tell me all the time that he couldn’t keep up with me too! He said he was an old man and needed to time to rest. He was only 3 years older than me. Pity play for sure!
Hahaha. In my case he’s 34 years older than me but still. I hated those pity plays. I felt like make up your mind!! 🤣
Ashley, same sort of age gap for mine too. Yours wasn’t a Texan, was he?
Mine at times said he needed time to recuperate afterward and that he would never be able to keep up with my libido yet he went after sex way more than I did sometimes even stopping in the middle of the act bc he was having orgasm issues and would say we had “the rest of our lives” so we stopped whether I was done or not. He suffered from impotence due to health reasons yet he got off nearly every time thanks to my “abilities” and not once did he get me off in a year and a half. He didn’t want to take the time to get to know how I enjoy it bc he was so egotistical that he “already knew how.” Very selfish indeed. He was older than myself by almost 10 years but always complained like he was older… Oh, and he is a Texan.
Ah there we have it, everything is bigger and better in Texas!
Ashley, similar age gap with mine. Yours wasn’t a Texan, was he?
Could I just ask, did he have a cowboy hat?
Nope!! I’m glad to know of someone else who experienced a situation with a similar age gap though!!
Ashley,
A Urniary Tract infection is no fun! Very painful not worth it. That’s for sure.
Oh yes!!! When I was 19 I had it escalate to a kidney infection very quickly & it was the worst pain ever! They put me on morphine & vicodin & it didn’t even TOUCH the pain. So from then on I made all my bf take a shower immediately before sex & me as well before & after. I get extremely ill fast because it goes straight to my kidney. So I was like the last thing you want is for me to get a UTI – I’ll be in the hospital!
Ashley. i hear you. You are also suppose to pee before and after sex too. It can spread very fast to your kidneys . They dont understand they just want to get off and have fun.
Sorry if this sent already my phone is being weird on here when I try to reply haha. Yes, I peed before & after & got it anyway because the guy didn’t shower immediately beforehand. I have a genetic predisposition to UTI so that’s why I have it all super clean!
Got a bad one from bubble bath in the ’90s. Was on 5 different meds before they knocked it out. Per my dr’s advice, I switched to showers altogether, and any potential partners better leave my porthole alone. It’s not a turn-on for me anyhow.
I’m sorry you had a bad one Violetta!! I cannot take baths either!
Bubble bath is a weird name for a guy.
Not if he is a humorous fellow, NA.
Yes. a bubble bath will do it and douches can too. Showers are much safer and better if you are prone. They say cranberry juice or cranberry pills are a preventive. But drinking lots of water is just as good.
Haha. Bubble Bath is better than Bath Salts I suppose.
Eternity:
I switched to blueberry juice. Cranberry too irritating, actually made it worse. Avoid blueberry “drinks” with added sugar or other juices. “Just Blueberry” is good, but expensive; blueberry teas are cheaper and work pretty well
NarcAngel:
You must have military vets in the family. The old joke was:
Enlisted man: I must have caught it from a toilet.
Doctor: that’s a strange place to take a girl.
A toilet is certainly a strange place to certain ‘girls’ on here .
I am replying to this one too as for some reason I cant reply to your other one. You need to be careful with your kidneys because you can develop kidney failure or stones. Some people have had kidney transplant from a lot of infections.
People should shower before after in general and.Hygiene is so important for all it can prevent some many illness too. Plus who knows where there hand have been.
Also who doesnt llke smelling nice anyways.
Take care
For sure. Exactly, people should be showering anyway!! Some people are just gross. I once knew very pretty women who had absolutely awful hygiene habits & you’d never think because they appeared well-groomed.
The favorite play by my ex was to reject sex from me, saying he wasn’t in the mood, and then immediately close himself off in his office to watch porn and masturbate instead. Once we broke up, he was after me again like I was the sexiest thing alive. Definitely messed with my head.
HG, I am replying to your comment about why some of us women have toliet troubles it’s because the men always leave the toilet seat up and sometimes they will leave pee on the seat without wiping . Yuck.
From what I have read it is nothing to do with that Eternity and all to do with being bothered to find one in the first place!
So far withdrawal from sex takes the lead. Wow!
Which is the most obvious example of idealisation and then devaluation. You get it, then you do not.
Exactly , your are right HG, that’s the first thing I noticed . I would buy really nice Victoria Secret lingerie and no reaction. I thought he was gay but then came here cand now know what he is. Unbelievable .
I hope some day some other man will appreciate it because he does not.
Eternity
I hope they still fit when you find him. Victoria has been revealing more secrets than I’d like for some time now haha.
Ha Ha NA, that’s a good one!
The narc did this with me but it backfired bc now ive friend zoned him. Not out of revenge but bc i lost the fantasy its been ruined. I guess you could say im a malfunctioned appliance lol
Chimum
You’ve been with him a long time. Don’t you think friend zone will lead back to the way it was?
Hi narc angel….no because my feelings have drastically changed towards him in that respect i can never see going back. The giving and taking away worked at the beginning and id try harder to please. Id also get upset and wonder if he lost attraction. When hed be sexual again id be relieved. Id also be very angry. I rode that rollercoaster so many times it dulled the original magic we had shared. I no longer feel sexual towards him. There are other ways im still attached but so much has changed other the years.
Chimum,
I’m curious about what you describe here because I found myself in this position a while back with MMRN also.
He would do the things he used to do that would immediately get me fired up (suggestive comment, send me sexy pic of him, compliment me etc), but my only reaction was to cringe. I couldn’t get it up for him, even though I tried a few times, trying to get myself back into the golden period mindset. The see-through was complete (thanks HG…I think) and I didn’t/couldn’t see the sexual relationship the same way. I couldn’t even get any enjoyment out of knowing he wanted the sexy fuel from me, I couldn’t feel validated by it.
Sex was what hooked me and kept me for so long when it came to him, and the change in pattern was absolutely the beginning of the end for me. I found myself more and more saying “what’s the point of any type of contact with him?” Fantasy was killed and there was no getting it back…..
I feel like that’s where I’m heading right now. I used to be so worried he was “going off me,” or he “had someone else.” Now, I just don’t care. It feels great!
Wow. I ticked off way more boxes then I thought I would. It made me feel a lot better to see delayed gratification or inablity to orgasm on there. One of our first times together… he told me to stop, because he was getting turned on… never heard of a man ever telling a woman to stop so they wouldnt orgasm. And that was the beginning of delayed gratification.
His most favourite though was triangulation both in negative and positive lights. My response was to do it back to him and compare him to my ex. And when he called me out on it I told him he shouldn’t school me in a subject he failed so miserably in.
Third was hypersexuality. That’s all we did together which at times I wanted and at times I didnt. His hard on was constant and embarrassing. We couldn’t have a proper conversation anymore towards the end.
Wow. This poll may be the first time I allow myself to see our sex life in a different light … which is : not great.
Thanks HG.
Love the polls HG! Also there was a little bit of almost violence during sex… Like going to the edge of injury or hurting me where I was like a little bit frightened. I remember distinctly feeling “what’s going on here” And thinking are you trying to hurt me… Needless to say everything About that relationship… Or I should say entanglement right…was mostly a chaotic, murky, confusing disaster
HG, after he devalued and disengaged, he wanted to have sex, which I refused and left. He said he masterbated three times after I left.
He was always extreme.
The 3 Narcs from the Narc Detectors all did plenty of wacky things. They are my only experience with sex so I don’t know what’s normal!
There’s no such thing as normal when it comes to sex, it’s about the existence of emotional empathy manifesting in decency, honesty etc. If you wholly consent and get off on dressing up as animal whilst having sex on a cliff with Wagner playing and the other person consents and nobody else is adversely affected then its normal for you.
The Ring or Tannhäuser, maybe, but if it’s Parsifal, I’m outta there.
Alexis,
Where are you? Think we’re a go with the pantomime horse!
TS, I’m behind you
Hahahaha x
Thank you for explaining that me to HG! I understand. It is not the sexual preferences or acts that are abnormal and characteristic of narcissism, it is the lack of emotional empathy.
I have lots of examples.
1. Choking without asking permission (Narc 3). On the audio consultation you said a normal person talks and asks permission to do something like that. Doing it unexpectedly shows a lack of empathy, sense of entitlement, wanting control, trying to provoke me for fuel etc.
2. Pretending to be asleep and putting his hand down my pants when I wasn’t ready for sex yet. That is assault. Lack of empathy, honesty and decency. Entitlement. (Narc 2. I despise him. Makes me think the others are sweet).
3. Saying he would fuck another woman in front of me because I refused to have sex (Narc 1). That is lack of empathy, grandiosity, trying to provoke me for fuel, assertion of control etc.
Narcs use sex for fuel and control and they lack emotional empathy.
Thank you HG, the God.
Go figure I’m worried about you HG – quotidian creeping in here 🙂
I have experienced both Hypersexuality – frequent sex which I wanted and Withdrawal of sex from my ex. To be honest , I was delighted and deluded that his sex drive matched mine and had such a stamina and endurance. Thus , the suffering during the devaluations when the sex was non existent. But after reading SATN I finally understood why someone could cherish your body one day and going cold turkey next day.
Narc2 confessed his infidelity albeit expressed a false remorse. It was the final straw and without hesitations I cut any ties the little bastard .
I have been in on/off shitty relationship with another Narc before my marriage and once I knew he cheated, the fact gave me carte Blanche to have few flings. Somehow he knew and one day he pretended to trough a slow punch in my jaw . I still remember placing my hand at the back of his neck , pressing my fingers firmly and hissing that if he would ever dare again to do this , he won’t see me anymore .
Apparently it worked -he never dared to treat me physically , he hurt me with his cheating. No, they were not hotter or younger, I was young enough to be his daughter, the age gap was significant. Needless to say when he proposed out of the blue, I rejected it.
I am wondering if “Delayed/inability to orgasm (by the narcissist)” can also include a refusal to climax during sex? Like he was denying me the completion of the act….
He would either pull out and climax or go into the bathroom to finish the act. Bloody weird.
Well, he is his favorite partner.
The narc loves to say,
“It’s never failed to satisfy me.”
Well have at it and leave me alone you stupid prick.
He sure is . I dont need him anyways I am my own favourite partner too. Sucks !
Mine loved this one too. He wouldnt finish at all. I didn’t feel punished. I had done just fine and already finished. I thought he was punishing himself. Once I told him to stop after about 2 hours and him not finishing. The fury was in his eyes but he walked away.
Empath 007, 2 hours huh?, I am likely if mine lasts 5 whole minutes. I dont understand, I thought the N performance means a lot to them and how they did overall.. In this case it would definitely be a F for fail.
Yes we spent hours upon hours… he loved delayed gratification. I’m honestly not sure why. Normally that time went by fast though And I enjoyed it. This particular night I was wAy too tired though.
My previous partner In contrast was how you described. 5 minutes. Straight out of bed. I could have been a blow up sex toy and it would have mAde no difference to him. And yet, when I’d try to bring up connection he had no clue.
I swear … I’m giving men one more chance then I’m giving up lol.
Wow Emapth 007, it went either way for you. Blow up.doll good one . He should have used his own hand instead like seriously. Why bother having sex for 5 min quicky after quicky..
Now 2 hours I cant believe it!
I honestly have given up myself .
Yes. And he never understood either which was weird. And I don’t even think he was a narc… he was definitely not an empath but he never played a lot of games or devalued me.
And so true… just use your hand, it’s not as though when it’s like that all the time they give a shit about connection anyway.
So I enjoyed the narc in contrast. Lots of build up. Foreplay. Cuddle time. At least it was an improvement haha.
I think it all comes down to finding someone compatible and likes the same things you like etc. That can be tough to find. I think relationships are kind of a waste of time to be honest. I realize that sounds negative but it’s true…. many
People whether with a narc or not are not all that satisfied. So why bother ? When I can make a life of my own.
Mind blowing..same here..sometimes if he was happy with me I had the privilege of his semen. Other times, WE would both watch HIM finish himself off. Then he would want me to comment on the performance we both watched! Reading all of this now allows me to see how dysfunctional this all was. I had no clue.
It’s so crazy he made you watch lol. Especially if you weren’t into that sort of thing. Ya. I guess mine was just seeing how long I would take to please him ?? Or make me feel undesirable?? I don’t know. That’s his problem not mine, I had many wonderful orgasms… so whatever he was trying to do to punish me… in that respect failed miserably.
Whoa! Hadn’t even known they were manipulations! Especially the withdrawal of sex. But the threat of disclosure post-escape has been the most horrifying. Still wondering…will he? won’t he? how? where? when? Oh God!
Then Help, help is at hand. See “Will the Sex Tape Be Used Against Me?” just before the poll. You need it.
Thank you, HG! I listened to that particular recording, and it helped a lot.
But now I’m suddenly unsure whether i’m dealing with an upper lesser mid-range narcissist or a mid mid-ranger. Which is why I’m talking to you soon!
Use the Narc Detector that’s what it’s there for
The sadistic streak came out. He didnt start sexually assaulting me until things were over. But while we were together, he was psychologically sadistic. He would drop hints that he was cheating, and then laugh at me when I tried to confront him about it. He would start massive fights with me, so he could go out and cheat, and claim he was single. He would cut off contact with me for a week at a time, and when I was ready to move on, he would reconcile. He would always claim that I hurt him some how. As long as he was blaming me for something, everything was on his terms.
Before I became an intimate partner, he told me once that he had masturbated to me and that he hadn’t had an orgasm like that in years.
Once we were intimate, he would always tell me I rocked his world and that it was mind blowing.
Bastard!
Revision of History and Flattery.
Bastard indeed!
I didnt actually realise how many of those were deployed on me until i started ticking so many boxes. All from one narc all though i could have answered for a couple of them. The stupidest ‘game’ was if ex narc considered I hadn’t been obedient enough then he wore his pants to bed (the big type pants too, for you lovely Americans read underwear For pants!!). It was a signal of dont touch me I’m cross with you, you have done me wrong. It actually gave me back a measure of control stupid narc.
That is truly pants.
Wow. Interesting in how similar the responses are in this poll.