The 10 Laws of Narcissistic Possession



1. You belong to me.

I own you. From the moment I first engaged with you, you became mine. That is the unwritten contract that forms between you and me. I engulf you, I possess you and I subsume your identity into mine. I do not recognise you as someone who is separate and distinct from me, with your own hopes, fears and desires. You have been plugged into me from the start, my appliance which is there to provide me with fuel, obey me and accede to my commands. This mind set is what governs the entirety of our relationship and is what is behind so much of what I do and say to you. By understanding that this is how I view you in relation to me you will realise that once I have begun to entangle you, the concept of you evaporates and you become part of me.

2. What is yours is mine

As part of this unwritten contract I immediately take power, custody and control of everything which you own. Your money is mine to spend. Your friends become my friends and ripe for recruitment into the ranks of my lieutenants. Your house is my house where I shall install myself before you know it, using your utilities freely although never paying for them. It is not your car, it is my car now. I recognise no boundaries and therefore you will find that your possessions will always be sequestrated for my use. You are not allowed to own anything in your own right. From the cake you have saved for later to your shower gel, I will take it and use it. This sense of entitlement extends beyond the material. I will take your dignity, your sanity and your self-esteem too. I have no use for those things, they cannot serve me in any way but I will take them all the same. I am an asset stripper and you will be stripped.

3. Blame belongs to you

I am never at fault. I am never responsible and I am never accountable. Culpability and I are not bedfellows. I escape liability for anything and everything that I do and instead the blame will always rest with you. Even if you have done nothing wrong I will pin the blame on you as this serves my purposes to draw fuel from you, control you and denigrate you. If I forget to remove something from the cooker, it is your fault. If I forget to pay a parking ticket on time, it is your fault. If I forget an anniversary, it is your fault. Each and every mishap, failure and problem which arises will always be attributed to you because I cannot be held to account.

4. I take what I want from whomsoever that I choose

I walk this world as a colossus and it is my right  to do as I please. I will take whatever my eye rests on as I am entitled to do so. I will steal because I can. If I want something then I will take it. I will take the credit for achievements when they belong to someone else. I will pinch the partner of a friend because I want her in my bed and not his. I will park my car where I like and I am not to suffer any consequence. I will borrow from neighbours and never return anything. It is my right to take and you must never challenge or criticise me as I exercise this right.

6. What is mine stays mine

All resources that are mine remain mine and are for my exclusive use. I will not lend anything to anybody, they should go and buy their own. I will not share. I will stockpile money secretly, notwithstanding that we apparently have a joint account. I have my own shelf inside the fridge for my food which nobody else is to touch. Nobody is allowed to sit in my favourite chair, not even when I am not there. Nobody is to play my CDs or read my books. They are not for you, they are for me. My friends are my friends, yes they will pretend to like you, purely for the sake of appearance but they will never actually be your friends. Anything that is mine remains as mine.

7. I go where I please

I own the right to go anywhere that I like. I am not to be stopped or questioned as to where I am going or where I have been. I move in between and through, an unstoppable force in light of my vast sense of entitlement. I walk through doorways marked private, I attend meetings to which I have not been invited, I will turn up at your social occasions even though I was not asked to attend. I will step over the threshold, vault the red rope and penetrate all areas because I must always know what is going on. Besides, my presence is such that I am always welcome, who would not want someone as brilliant as I with them? I am access all areas.

8. I own the spotlight

The spotlight must be trained on me at all times as it belongs to me. It is for my use to highlight how interesting, witty and successful I am. It lights up my podium where I stand elevated and superior and woe betide you should you try to point it anywhere else. You must never interfere with my ownership of the spotlight for to do so will invite my fury at your transgression. It is a device that must be aimed at me so that the world is always to see me, so that I can receive the adoration which I am entitled to.

9. I owe you nothing

I owe you nothing because in the beginning I gave you everything. It does not matter that since then you have given me your all, your love, your affection, your time, your money, your dignity and your will to live. You can festoon me with gifts, run around after me, nurse me, pleasure me, support and soothe me but this is what you ought to be doing as I am entitled to be treated in this manner. I have no sense of needing to reciprocate, someone as high born as me need not deign to fawn over you, not any more, not once I have captured you and bound you tight to me. You are nothing without me, worthless and pathetic and therefore I owe you nothing, despite the fact you gave me everything.

10. You belong to me.

I thought I would remind you of this fact. It would not do to forget that now, would it?

Number 5? Of course there is a fifth rule – You are imagining things. Again.

18 thoughts on “The 10 Laws of Narcissistic Possession

  1. Truthseeker6157 says:

    Number 9. This comes up over and over through the articles.

    I owe you nothing because I gave you everything.

    This is what I mean by selling out. The narcissist will morph into whatever is necessary to secure the target. He mirrors all the likes and dislikes regardless of his own personal preferences or opinion. Markedly, in the bedroom, he forgoes his own pleasure in order to deliver the ‘perfect’ performance to the IPPS. That in particular really doesn’t sit well with me at all. If I was with a man in that context, and knew that he was with me in bed, when he didn’t really want to be, when every element of that interaction was done solely to please me, that really he didn’t like the intimacy of my being close to him in that way, you know how I’d feel? I’d feel like an abuser.
    Continue with that chain of thought. The narcissist elects to do this for himself. It’s a trade off. Sleep with me, draw me in. Secure my fuel. The narcissist does not understand intimacy. Love and affection were always withheld until eventually he threw off the need for them. The narcissist knowing nothing of love and intimacy thinks he is doing what I want by sleeping with me. Abuse again, but in his mind, he has the power, he has the control this time.

    I owe you nothing because I sold myself to you.

    I can’t help but think that this is the source of all that is wrong. It is little wonder that he feels so aggrieved at the eclipse of the golden period. He really did give his all. He mirrors me because he doesn’t feel he is enough for me. He doesn’t think he is enough because he was always told he wasn’t enough. So he creates what he perceives to be enough for me. It’s a debt I could never ever repay.

  2. December Infinity says:

    This opened my eyes and forced me to remember many things I had blocked out while HE was around dominating my life. He took over my place of residence. Stole from me, used things I had in my place and then took them for his own use, destroyed things I owned, used me for all my money and a place to live, blamed me for his financial problems and then threw me in the ring to deal with it, barely contributed to household expenses, took me for granted, used my place as a base camp while he took off frequently for days, weeks and longer supposedly to work and I was never to question what he was up to and if I did he blew up at me. When I would attempt to confront him it was never a good thing. Usually ignored or at the receiving end of a rage fit.

  3. Leela says:

    Oh, by the way, H.G., you know this good old song? 😉

    “You don´t own me,
    I´m not just one of your many toys
    You don´t own me
    Don´t say I can´t go out with other boys,
    so don´t tell me what to do
    don´t tell me what to say
    And please, when I go out with you
    Don’t put me on display ’cause
    you don´t own me”

    (Lesley Gore “You don´t own me”)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, does not compute.

      1. Leela says:

        Thought so! 😉 When I read this article this song immediately came to my mind along with “Goldie Narc” 😀 😉

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          Leela, my narc (this was a year or so after I escaped) actually whispered in my ear, “I own you”. Not sure whether he’d been reading HG’s work or not. He is a mid who believes he is a greater. He had no power over me what so ever when he uttered those words. I found it amusing because of everything I’ve learned from HG. But still pretty stunned that he would actually say this. Because he could never own me.

          1. MommyPino says:

            AlexisS, in his delusional perspective he does but reality is totally far from it. I bet a lot of thought fuel might also come from their own delusion.

          2. alexissmith2016 says:

            hahah yer I bet it does , once upon a time their thought fuel would have bothered me. It doesn’t any more.

          3. Another Cat says:

            “I bet a lot of thought fuel might also come from their own delusion.”

            Haha! Hadn’t thought of this, MP.

  4. Leela says:

    Reminds me on “Goldie-Narc and the three little Empaths” – Aw, I love that story! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  5. Emma286 says:

    Absolutely nobody EVER pinches my morning coffee! That’s the one thing that I draw the line at! That’s my essential fuel that I can’t do without.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thanks for that, note made.

      1. Emma286 says:

        I’ve just listened to your “What do Narcs Feel” video on YouTube. If I’d found it/done so sooner I’d have thought twice about submitting that last comment of mine.

        Would you prefer I refrain from making humorous comments on here with you in future (if you didn’t already share/say something in a humorous light to start with)?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You may make humorous comments if you wish.

        2. do expect your morning coffee to mysteriously disappear from time to time Emma

          1. Emma286 says:


  6. Asp Emp says:

    The previous narc (from absolutely years ago) – numbers 1; 2; 4; 6; 7; 8 applied.
    # 1. Before the relationship started – he stuck to me like a ‘limpet’ so that other men were given the impression that I was his. He also told me that he wanted to “possess” me. I had no idea of narcissism at this time, but obviously these behaviours were massive RED FLAGS.
    # 2. He used my car when he fked his up. But my friends stayed mine – he never met them, I didn’t give him that opportunity.
    # 4. He used to ‘strut’ around as if he was Omnigod. Seriously, he was not ‘all that’ at all.
    # 5. What number 5? It’s missing 😉
    # 7. He turned up at my house uninvited several times. It was usually when he had been a total w**ker earlier that day and he knew it, so effectively was trying to ‘make up’ for it so that “everything was ok”. Again. I refused to open the door. Every time. Then he’d probably be standing around outside my house when sending me text messages accusing me of having someone else inside my house. I was on my own and didn’t want to see him.
    # 8. (see response in number 4 as above).
    He lost his house. Didn’t have a lot of anything really. He physically hurt me a few times but not badly. One time he lost his rag simply cos I was telling him that I was right. He threw some books on the floor and jumped all over them, stamping on them. While he was doing that, an image of a silver backed gorilla came into my mind. Honestly, I had to stifle laughing out loud at this. I’m No Contact & he doesn’t like. Tough s**t.

  7. Natalie says:

    It must be really difficult to live being wired that way. In many situations the inability to connect, lack of curtain feeling or emotions, following only logic can be helpful. But when a narc is pushed to give or share he must feel awful but has to keep the facade 😉 It is a threat to his control and well-being. He can do nothing but restore the order – to prevent and punish the intruder. What a mess! I suppose sometimes when they play a victim they probably do feel a victim when those rude, cunning, envious and unworthy in their opinion people treat them badly trying to diminish their greatness!!!

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