To Have and To Hold




We marry. Sometimes we keep dangling the carrot of matrimony for the purposes of future-faking and keeping a primary source interested and working hard to keep our favour. Other times it happens quickly in that whirlwind of the narcissistic seduction for the purposes of ensuring that you are bound to us as tightly and quickly as possible so we have the comfort and satisfaction that you, as our wonderful new primary source, are firmly embedded and attached to us.

A swift engagement with the wedding following hard on the heels. It is customary move of our kind to enter into a marriage. We give the appearance of being utterly devoted to you, smitten and with our love bombing and repeated protestations of love and desire it is little wonder that the victim readily says “yes” and has the engagement ring slipped on her finger and the planning for the wedding itself happens minutes later. Marriage is important to the narcissist. Not the actual institution, although we will make a great show of emphasising just how important it is, what it means to us and how we could not wait to get married. All good material for ensnaring the victim and maintaining the façade.

When that day comes, what goes through the mind of the narcissist when he or she is stood before the altar, in a registry office or atop a cliff overlooking the sea in a civil ceremony? What is the narcissist thinking about as the priest or registrar conducts the ceremony? What thoughts percolate through the mind of our kind with the guests all stood behind us, staring in rapt attention and admiration, smiles plastered across faces and the occasional tear trickling from the eye of the emotional onlooker?

What are we considering as the hymns are sung, the readings are read and the service proceeds? I shall endeavour to tell you, from the perspective of a male narcissist by reference to a traditional ceremony. Bride and groom are stood side by side, excited smiles exchanged and eventually the vows are reached.

“I HG Tudor, take you Victoria Tim, to be my lawfully wedded wife.”

I chose her. I chose her above all of the others. She looks amazing but then so she should, for me. I knew she would look so beautiful and all these people gathered here will be looking at her and thinking how beautiful she looks and how lucky I am to have married her. There was no luck involved of course. I planned this and it made perfect sense to marry so she is bound to me now. I don’t mind them all looking because although they might be looking at her, I chose her, so their admiration of her, is actually admiration of me. I am looking forward to walking down the aisle with her.

So many faces and all looking at us. I can barely keep still as it is now, knowing that so many hundred pairs of eyes are fixed on my back, watching us. This is brilliant. I should get married every week. The whole day is about us, but I know it is all down to me. I chose her. I drew her to me. I am the one that created this wonderful union and I get to spend the entire day basking in the glorious attention and well-wishes of the congregation and wedding guests.

Even more of them will turn up for the evening reception. So many guests, but that is what comes of being so popular. I wonder if the Predecessor Primary Source, what was her name again, Wendy, that’s it, I wonder if she turned up. She accepted the invitation. Not that Victoria knows she is a former girlfriend but the pained look and frozen smile that I am expecting from Wendy will give me an extra special boost.

“to have to hold”

Oh she is mine alright and I want to make her happy because then she will make me happy. I do think I have got it right this time. Everything seems so right about her. She lies everything that I like. She is so helpful and caring, I picked very carefully after the disappointment of the others, like Wendy and so on. I should have invited some of the others actually. That would have been very entertaining to see their faces when I walked down the aisle with my beautiful wife. My wife. Mine. She belongs to me alright and this time it is going to work.

I am sure I have selected the right one. I have her and I will have her time and time again. I know how to delight her and she responds magnificently to my touch. Well, to be honest, they all usually do, but this one, more so than the others. Another reason I chose her. Yes, she is mine to have and I am always going to hold on to her. I treat her well. I really do. That’s because I adore her. There are so many reasons why I do. She is clever, she is witty, she is beautiful, she looks after me, she understands what I need. I know that to be the case. This is why I chose her and this is why I married her. You don’t let someone this good wriggle free, so I will indeed have her and hold her Mr Priest, I will hold on to her very tightly indeed.

“from this day forward, for better, for worse”

There will be plenty of better because that is what she and I are about. We fit together so perfectly. My soulmate. I deserve her and she is delighted to have me as her new husband, I know because she has talked of little else since the engagement. It was quick but so what, you snooze, you lose as the saying goes. Yes, lots of better, we are so fortunate to have what we have, more than most people, but then we are not the ordinary people.

I know I have elevated her, but she has accepted that with good grace and enthusiasm, just as I thought she would. She will do as she is told. I was pleased she didn’t go in for that modern rubbish of excluding her vow to honour and obey. If she had resisted that, well, there would have been a problem. I know some couples both say it to one another but I am traditionalist. I wear the trousers. Of course I will honour her, she knows that, but I do not need to say it, besides, I decide what I do, not some vows. Don’t get me wrong, I intend to stick to them, but if something happens, well, I have to do what is right for me.

I am hoping she keeps giving me what I need and that day does not come, but if she does mess up, I don’t think she will, but let’s just say for the sake of discussion and argument that she does mess up, well I will ensure I have other options. I mean, she will be a grade A idiot if she does that, after all, she is getting a great deal with me, but you can’t be a fool and rule it out. Not after what I have seen with the other ones. I do think she is different so fingers-crossed we will not have to go down that route. So, yes I intend to honour her. Obey? You can fuck that sky high! I do what I want. I am the doer, not the done too. Obey? Seriously? That one is for her and believe me she had better fucking comply with it or there will serious repercussions, but hey, I am getting ahead of myself here, I know she will, that is why I chose her.

It is important that she does obey me because that way we stand the best chance of happiness and success. If she obeys me, which I know she will, I will keep her happy and not have to do what I have done with the others. Still, let’s not think about that on a day such as this. I don’t have to obey. She will. That is all that matters.

“for richer,”

No problems there El Vicaro, I have wedge and so has she. That box is well and truly ticked. How much longer will this go on for? I think I will have a cheeky peek over my shoulder. That bridesmaid is rather tasty; Natasha isn’t it? Victoria’s friend from university. She is totally wanting some of me. There we are again, that little grin and the bite of the bottom lip. Oh yes. Well too bad Natasha, this isn’t your gig but if it does go tits up, not that it will, I will look you up, of that you can be assured.

“for poorer”

Not going to happen so no concerns about that. Easy to agree with that one man of the cloth. Come on, when are we getting finished, I want to show off the vintage champagne that I bought. That will impress her old man. He loves that kind of thing. There he is, proud as punch that his girl has been chosen by HG here. Let’s give him a wink. He liked that, winked back. You wouldn’t be winking at me like that if you know what I am going to be doing to your daughter tonight. Hell yeah. Must have laughed then, I am getting a sideways glance from the soon-to-be Mrs HG, give her the smile. There we go, melting straight away. Easy.

“in sickness and in health

Bollocks to that matey boy, who do you think I am? Some kind of fucking nursemaid? She gets ill she deals with it and anyway she can go and see the quacks, that’s why I pay private health insurance. Don’t expect me to be arsing around looking after her though, I have other things to get on with. Of course, it is a different proposition for me. I am in rude health, strong as an ox, fine mind and so on. I don’t get ill. Being ill is for the saps and the weaklings, but if I am hurt, I daresay with me it will be something pretty serious if it going to slow me down, then I know she will run around after me. After all, who wouldn’t. I am worth it.

“until death do us part.”

Absolutely right daddio. That’s the only way she is getting away from me, when either her or me shuffles off this mortal coil. This is for life.

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46 thoughts on “To Have and To Hold

  1. Kiki says:

    Oh God HG you were right about everything, the narc is on AM right now after calling me tallying about wet pussy because it is me .
    I had to know I had a niggle , I’m not a stalker but I had to know .🥺

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Of course, I am the expert Kiki. You need to up your NCR.

  2. Karen maher says:

    Some stay with narc for life Evan if treated like doormat it really bad

  3. dollysupreme says:

    HG……I’m right in thinking that you yourself realise that nobody is ever going to be the ‘one’ for you……The ‘cure’……So for you and other greaters, youd be skipping the to have and to hold part in your head? Or do you still feel that when you get with a fresh supply even though you know what you are?!
    Is marriage less likely in the greater category than with the mids and lessers?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Alexissmith2016 says:

        HG, when Tony Blair was in the GP with Cheri, would he have viewed her as attractive? Or would he have been able to recognise her level of attractiveness (I realise attractiveness is subjective but if most people subjectively perceive someone as not terribly attractive then that’s objective really) but just didn’t care?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Can anyone with a letter box for a mouth be attractive?

          1. Alexissmith2016 says:

            Hahahah awwww that’s mean! But true.

            So would he have found her attractive in the GP?

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Apparently my narc thinks so as he married someone with a broken letterbox for a mouth! That’s mean, sorry not sorry.

          3. K says:

            I Googled it and Cheri really does have a letter box for a mouth.

            TB must have really loved her fuel!

          4. Violetta says:

            You did a dumpy looking Virgin in SatN!

          5. Asp Emp says:

            Ouch! Made me laugh out loud though.

          6. Violetta says:


            Oh dear …you weren’t being metaphorical:

            Cherie Blair:

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed, Violetta.

          8. Kiki says:

            Awwh guys not nice , I’m sure we all have our physical flaws from others perspective.
            I’m sure non of us are supermodels , even they have flaws.
            The woman can’t help her mouth shape .
            We shouldn’t be shaming women’s physical appearance is very old fashioned and ugly to do so.


          9. HG Tudor says:

            Okay I’ll shame her for being a hypocrite, a champagne socialist and a grasping, greedy social climber. How’s that to balance it up?

          10. Another Cat says:

            K said
            “TB must have really loved her fuel!”

            Yup and being outside of UK I still make the assumption that a guy like that looks at her social family network for some residual benefits. She is related to ppl who suited him for power I gather.

        2. Kiki says:

          Let’s be honest how many of the narcs we were \ are involved with were high in the physical attractiveness stakes . I bet very very few.
          A bet some were downright plain if nothing to look at .
          I’ve noticed a lot of very charming people tend to look well plain .
          What makes a person attractive is not simply physical.


          1. HG Tudor says:

            I think there’s force in what you write Kiki. Interestingly, of the Narc Detectors where a narcissist is confirmed, the applicant described the subject as good looking (and higher) in 75% of instances.

          2. Alexissmith2016 says:

            Interesting. My narc creeped me out and I was in no way shape or form attracted to him nor found him possibly attractive To anyone else either. But once I was under his spell I seemed to recognise his ‘good looks’. What the actual?now I’m no longer under his spell I see him exactly as I did in the beginning.

            Maybe that is also why pantman genuinely thinks he looks like George Clooney, because he thinks it and some how wish some magic fairy dust he makes those who fall for him see him like George clooney too.

            Right I’m going to start believing I look like Scarlett Johansson. If I squint my eyes tightly enough as I look in the mirror it may just work.

          3. Kiki says:

            With women HG , this is what occurs scientifically.

            An physically ordinary looking man can be perceived as very attractive by the same woman AFTER this woman has sex with him , especially if she orgasms.
            It’s a weird phenomenon.
            It does not occur in men , who after orgasm tend to lose interest and are not for a short time as attracted .
            Therefore perceived attraction is highly subjective and skewed even further after great sex , for women .
            I honestly doubt this number of narcs were truly objectively physically handsome , if you go by objective measure of pure physical beauty , handsomeness , whatever that is anyway?

            I suppose the measurements of facial bones , symmetry etc well whatever LeonardaDe Vinci did to measure it .

          4. Kiki says:

            I don’t mean to be forceful HG .

            I suppose criticising someone’s looks hits my buttons.

            I see it , and hate it , it usually done by catty , plain bitches who are jealous of another .

            Also us women do have to deal with that weird double standard.
            A man can be wrinkled overweight, with a face like a monkeys bum but oh he is so successful and charming , an equally successful woman would be labelled an ageing fat old bat .

            I just feel this is so wrong .


          5. HG Tudor says:

            You are of course, always welcome to articulate your view Kiki and thank you for doing so.

          6. NarcAngel says:

            True. We see what we want to see. Nobody wants to think they’re with someone unattractive so we find something else nice and that becomes the focus. Thus the expression: they grew on me.

          7. blackcoffee30 says:

            #1 was deliciously handsome, tall, blonde and well-dressed, with a soothing Southern U.S. accent—absolutely dreamy. I can still smell his cologne. I was in love the first I saw him at the bar. 10/10 would recommend.

            2# looked like Austin Powers—I’m serious. Frighteningly stereotypical and never had a good haircut. It was slim pickings when we met. Then, I was bewitched. 0/10 do not recommend.

          8. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Kiki,
            ”The Weasel’ was very plain n ordinary looking ( you certainly wouldn’t swivel ones head to look at him ) short, 100kg and very fair skinned
            Our greater friend (tall dark n swarthy) and dear old friend (tall n fairer) both did modelling
            My mother has been quite a stunner (high cheek bones, deep set eyes, full rounded lips, beautiful hair), men have always drooled over her, she knew the power she had over them at a very early age, even gays envied her haha

            Sadly, age has taken a toll on them and they are all struggling with their looks

            Whilst visiting mum yesterday, I heard her say (at least 7 times) looking in the mirror with sad reflection
            “aaaaaaaaahhhhh Gaaaarrrrrd, what do I look like, where did it go? ”
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. dollysupreme says:

        So that’s a no to both then? You don’t feel any new supply will be the ‘one’, and marriage is equal across the narc board as far as your observations go…….Interesting……Would you say all greaters realise no supply will ever be the cure ……Or is it just that you have a better understanding of yourself and your kind. If a greater knows what he is, does he realise his fate? … that his thirst for fuel will never be satisfied upon meeting what would seem like a perfect source intially?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I was answering your final question.

      3. dollysupreme says:

        Just a plain old no……I’m feeling devalued hahaha

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It answered your final question, it was effective and efficient. Just like me.

          1. dollysupreme says:

            Nice to see you’ve not given up hope HG lol.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Nothing to do with hope.

        2. dollysupreme says:

          Call it what you will……God loves a trier haha

        3. Another Cat says:

          Kiki wrote

          “It does not occur in men , who after orgasm tend to lose interest and are not for a short time as attracted .”

          These days when I know about NPD I wonder whether this might be a bit of exciting role play narrative invented by narcs. And true for themselves.

          Empathic men might feel in love with her after sex too? (my experience from relationships with Nonnarcs)

  4. December Infinity says:

    Why am I not surprised as to the chain of thought here?!? LOL

  5. Michele says:

    He actually told me if I could last 5 years then I would have the ring on my finger because then I would deserve it .I did last 5 years and he did in fact then ask me to be his wife with promises things would be so much better between us. that I was his family, I was his home and for that I needed to be his wife .honestly the proposal didn’t feel right but he did it in front of my family knowing I would not say no especially in front of them ( they were a constant. He’s bad news ,he’s going to hurt you i told you so bunch ).I lasted another 3 years in good standing i was trusting him as my husband and we were working on things so I thought and then came the baby on the 4th year of marriage and everything changed for the worse that was ( on the outside to the world we were stressed out new parents, except for one nurse whom came to the apartment to check on me due to serious infection from a bad c section .she would ask him to give a hand throwing things away she did that twice and never asked again but would always ask me if I was being treated ok )but behind closed doors it was like he was jealous of the affection I was giving to our son and he would be cold and distant if he felt i wasn’t giving him enough attention physically or emotionally or he would be extremely overtly physical. (Mind you i was sick and my stomach literally stayed open and packed for 4 months with a nurse in our home twice a day to care for the wounds but he wouldsay your mouth and hands still work don’t they) finding out about me having cancer just before my sons 1st birthday and my sister in-law committing suicide just before my ex’s birthday the next year and him having to attend her funeral instead of going out to celebrate his birthday was the absolute last straw and he cheated the first time that i am aware of and my entire world shattered. 13 years with this man 8 of which we were married, poof gone and for what because I got sick and he had to be selfless for once ?

    1. dollysupreme says:

      I don’t know how to say it, but reading your story is heart/gut wrenching. I hope things have gotten brighter for you.

      1. Michele says:

        Slightly we have been divorce 7 months now , i am dealing with smear campaigns and threats mostly from his current source stating they are going to take my son from me or put me in jail but I have literally mostly ignored them and blocked them on social media and my phone. Its hard especially when visitation with my son due to his father not knowing how to deal with his (ASD ) is supervised and I have to be there due to the threats of them taking him .its extremely complicated and scary but when he’s here once a month he acts like we are best friends and if I even look at him sideways he says that if I don’t stop making his visitation uncomfortable for our son he will be forced to take me to court to get visitation in his house ( not a good idea since current just got her kids back and dss has been involved in her home for years ).and so I’m forced to pretend we are on good terms and nothing is different to the point at my sons birthday my friends commented how disturbing it was to see him act like we were still together. I honestly currently hate life

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You need to obtain How to CoParent With a Narcissist and an audio consultation. These will assist you considerably.

    2. Tammy says:

      I’m sorry you went through all that, my ex was the same and he actually said that I shouldn’t pay so much attention to our newborn son because I should be paying attention to him. Ugh what scum.

      1. Michele says:

        It’s extremely off putting to see a grown person that jealous over a new infant especially when said person begged me to have his child.

        1. Michele says:

          I’m sorry you went through similar in that regard .

        2. NarcAngel says:


          He only wanted you to have his child to bind you to him. Not for the reasons you thought.

      2. Violetta says:


        I hope your son learned the art of projectile vomiting. All you’d have to do is aim him in the right direction.

  6. lickemtomorrow says:


  7. blackrose1286 says:

    I felt this way down and talk about chilling.

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