“Glow worm”

From the obvious and well-used to the corruptions and bastardisation of your first name through to the downright bizarre, pet names are a standard feature of relationships. Parents may have a nickname or pet name for their child, we use nicknames for our friends but most often they are used in the context of an intimate relationship. Their use is to denote endearment and to highlight something special and unique (although using babe is not going to win awards in that category) between that person and their significant other. When used in the context of a non-narcissistic relationship they are relatively harmless, perhaps hinting at something which teases and might be mildly embarrassing (e.g. calling someone glow worm because they go red and become embarrassed easily) but generally they are used as a fond and kind epitaph. That situation becomes corrupted and entirely different in our hands. We regularly use pet names for our primary sources, but our motives for doing so are not about being genuinely endearing but for a host of more nefarious reasons.

  1. It is done to appear  endearing to you so that you think you are special to us. You merit being given a pet name and therefore you are led to think that we naturally care and love you since we have taken this step. This is done because it is a standard step in many intimate relationships and all we are doing is mimicking that for the purposes of making you think that the relationship between you and us is wonderful, special and marvellous.
  1. You are our possession. By giving you a label in this manner we are branding you and stamping on you that you belong to us. It enables us to exert control over you.
  1. We objectify all of our appliances and by giving you a pet name we are reinforcing that. We may call you “angel” but in our minds you are just an angel, one of hundreds no thousands out there. In the way that those who find themselves in a perilous situation might use their name with an aggressor of kidnapper in order to humanise themselves and the other person, we utilise pet names to dehumanise you. It is our stand point that you are an object to us and it is far easier to control and abuse an object.
  1. We use the same pet names for many of our appliances. There will be differences when for example the pet name plays on your name, so if you are called, Rebecca, we may call you Beccipops, but if it is a pet name which is nothing to do with your actual name or a distinct attribute of yours then you should be aware that several primary sources before you all got the same name and the ones that comes after you will as well.
  1. By using a pet name and keeping it the same for all our primary sources we minimise the risk of calling you, accidentally, by the wrong name and bringing about questioning and a challenge. Thus, if we call you “Sugarbumps” and we are having an affair, the other person will also be called “Sugarbumps”. If you were ever granted access to a narcissist’s phone, do not be surprised to see Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2 in the directory.
  1. As with many things narc, what we grant we then take away in order to upset you and exert control over you. Thus if we always referred to you as “Hot stuff” you can expect that come devaluation you would be referred to by your actual name instead of there may even be a corruption of the pet name, for instance calling you “Cold stuff” instead. This is done to make you react and feel hurt by this change in the affectionate pet name.
  1. In some instances, the pet name may actually seem like a compliment to you but actually has a hidden meaning to our kind and whilst you smile when you hear this name being used, we are actually laughing at you on the inside because you do not realise that you are being insulted. One example might be by jokingly referring to you as the boss. Thus in front of you and our coterie we may say,

“Thanks for asking, I will have to run it by the boss.”

You smile at this affectionate deference to your authority oblivious to the fact that my coterie and I know is means Best Of Seven Sluts, being a reference to how we regard you sexually.

  1. In some cases, we forget who you actually are (because we regard you as an object) but if we call all objects “Munchkin” then we can fall back on that and refer to you by this name without appearing stupid for forgetting what you are called.
  1. We may invent new and different pet names which are insulting, disrespectful and unpleasant when we embark on our devaluation of you. We may call you The Rash because you keep appearing everywhere when we do not want to see you. We may call you The Pirate because you have small breasts, e.g. a sunken chest. We may label you as The Thorn because you are a pain in our side or we may just go for It as regular readers will know from my treatment of Lesley.
  1. We will also insist that you use a pet name for us but we will choose it. Nobody normal chooses their nickname and then tells people to use it. Nicknames and pet names evolve from characteristics witnessed by those around the recipient of the name. The fact that we appear and tell you to call us “Goldenballs” is evidence of our sense of entitlement and grandiosity.

The use of a pet name by our kind is never to be regarded as pleasant and complimentary. It is a device for demeaning you, upsetting you and exerting our control over you, in the same way that one keeps a pet animal, that is how you are regarded as we keep you in one of our gilded cages.

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10 thoughts on “Pet

  1. Jas Burke says:

    Oh geez, no fewer than 3 nicknames!!! I heard him say my real name literally once for sure and maybe twice! Ugh!!! This is insane!! And one of the nicknames was the same as his ex-wife, the only woman I think he’s actually been married to. I am laughing at the whole thing at this point, we used to call these people players, narcissist is so much “player” and more. And, again, grateful for this site and the truths here. Wow.

  2. December Infinity says:

    The narc only every addressed me as baby (which he couldn’t spell properly as he is illiterate!). At the beginning I said to him that I have a first name as I didn’t appreciate being addressed as baby. He ignored that of course. Once I ended things by text message and phone, four years later (almost 6 months ago!) the ONLY time he called me by my first name is when he harassed me repeatedly for several days… leaving me messages and texts that he wanted to make arrangements to get his stuff out of my place and that it was urgent due to coronavirus and he was unable to work and trying to get government money blah blah blah pity play. I didn’t reply to him. As per the police/victim services I had to block his number and then change my phone number. I know TMI (aka Too Much Information). That is how it went down.

    Only took him 4 years to use my name … at the end.

  3. Suzie guest says:

    Oh so accurate,, my ex narc demanded that I have a nickname , I told him that I don’t like them and that I think I think it’s childish to use them beyond teenage years , but he Insisted , he also insisted that I pick one for him , for which
    I really struggled to find anything endearing as by this time I was on to bed fakery 🤣

  4. WokeAF says:

    No. 5 was how I confirmed (in my mind, no actual evidence…yet) ..that my MR was banging the neighbour/his IPPS’s best friend.
    He called her Sweetie on a vague phone call, in the same tone he called me and his IPPS Sweety.

    We’re all Sweety.

    Also ! He’d call other women Sweety in front of the IPPS to triangulate them , once she hit devaluation

  5. lickemtomorrow says:

    Gawd, I’ve always hated the pet name ‘pet’. No one ever applied it to me thankfully.

    Interestingly, my narc applied a pet name to me right away which related to an element of how he drew me in. What is also interesting is that he applied it only on certain occasions, so it wasn’t a constant. More like a ploy when required. Otherwise it was a standard ‘sweetheart’, which was music to my ears whenever he said it.

    I really hung at times on the use of the nickname he had given me, the more generic ‘sweetheart’, and even variations on my own name. When they weren’t forthcoming then my guess is neither was he and an element of devaluation had begun. I never told him I didn’t like the nickname he had chosen and applied to me. The term of endearment counted for more at the time. So I just accepted it. I couldn’t imagine telling someone what to call me.

    I did have a chuckle at “Goldenballs” and I’d love to know what nicknames your g/fs gave you (at your request) HG. It would definitely be interesting to hear the other side of this story 😉

  6. Asp Emp says:


  7. Heather says:

    If your name is Heather and he has you as “heat” in his phone, run!

  8. KJ says:

    #5 Right on the money! The only time my name was used was in an argument!

    1. HG Tudor says:


  9. Gina Gonzalez says:

    The nex used one for me, I think as part of the facade. Even when we were hardly speaking he would call me honey. I finally had to tell him to stop it, which of course makes me look like a witch to those who don’t get it. It was also a boundary violation and as you said to show ownership. He did this by posting on my wall as well. I blocked him a full year before I moved out and divorced him.

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