Do We Ever Listen?



You may not think it but we do actually listen to you. I appreciate that may seem odd because you think the way we act means we cannot possibly be listening to you. We take no notice of what you say because we still go ahead and do the same things that we have done before. We keep repeating a comment as if we have never heard your answer the first time around. You remind us about the time we are meeting and we turn up late or not at all. You could be forgiven for thinking that we are very poor listeners. The reality is that we are very good listeners. The difference is that we choose to hear differently.

When you are shouting at us, advancing your argument in a forceful manner we will be responding to what you are saying, usually with denial and deflection. We are not interested in what you are saying, we are concerned with hearing your feelings. We want to hear the strangulated and seething anger that manifests in your words because then we know (along with seeing your contorted and reddened face) that you have reacted to our provocation and accordingly you are providing us with fuel.

If you are hurling insults at us, calling us names and berating our dress sense, weight and intelligence we are not wounded by these criticisms because the fact you are spitting with venom, shouting them in a rage or shrieking with delight as you insult us means you are providing the emotion that equates to fuel. The harsh names just dissipate because we are not hearing them. We are hearing the emotion of what is being said, that is what matters. You can devise the most original insult the world has ever know but if you throw it at us with emotion then all we hear is your emotional reaction. Have you often wondered why we are smiling when you are arguing with us? It is because you are giving us what we want; fuel. Oh and also because we know that smiling at you will infuriate you all the more.

We listen to you with considerable attention during the initial stages of the seduction. We ensure that every snippet of information, every morsel of knowledge that will assist us in seducing you and binding you tight to us is heard and absorbed, filed away in readiness for use at the appropriate time. Each time you reveal to us a new restaurant you have found or a new play that has just opened which you like we take notice. When you tell us about your friends we listen in anticipation of bringing them under our spell also. When we listen at this juncture you think we are attentive and interested in you. Indeed, we are and your reaction to this is to praise us, thus providing us with fuel, and to feel attracted to us, thus binding you to us. Our interest however is not as you would normally perceive because our interest is borne out of the use we can make of what you tell us, in order to further our own agenda.

We also listen to you to understand how our behaviours affect you. We listen to the praise and delight you gush forth and we note what we did that caused this. When we subject you to devaluation we soak up the fuel you pour towards us but we also listen to how it is affecting you. You tell us about how it hurts, how you cannot sleep, how you feel anxious, how you feel sick, how you are frightened, how you do not understand.

We do not care how you feel but we are most interested in you telling us this. This forms feedback based on our various manipulations. As we gather the fuel from your tearful pleading we also ascertain how what we have said has had an effect on you. We listen to you explaining to us how you feel because we do not feel it ourselves. We need to learn from you in this respect.

We need to learn so we can mimic is when the need arises. We need to learn that if somebody feels a sense of loss then they will cry. Accordingly, if we anticipate losing you then an appropriate reaction would be to cry. We have learned from what you have shown us and what you have told us. See, I told you that we pay attention to you. We also listen so we know just how effective our manipulation has been. Is what you are telling us explaining a minor degree of hurt and sadness or is it more substantial? We do not know ourselves because we do not feel sadness ourselves.

That redundant emotion was either stripped from us or never allowed to develop in the first place. Accordingly, in order to understand what makes someone sad, a little bit sad or devastatingly sad we have to observe your responses and listen to what you are saying. We do not stand and listen because we are concerned and because we want to find a solution to your state of sadness. That serves no purpose to us at all. What we are doing is listening to the detail of your misery so we can replicate it. We can replicate both in terms of pretending we feel miserable when the occasion suits us and we also replicate it to make someone miserable for the purposes of control and the gathering of fuel.

It is through listening that we hone our manipulative skills. It is through listening that we learn all about you, what you like and what you dislike, what your hopes are and what vulnerabilities you have that we can exploit. Through listening we understand how you feel so we can mimic this. It is through listening that we are able to comprehend how you are affected by what we do. Yes, we spend a lot of time talking, telling the world about how brilliant we are and this is of course the way of what we are but you would be surprised at just how much we listen. Just because we may not be listening based on what youdeem to be important is does not mean we are not listening at all. Far from it.

Accordingly, next time you plead that we listen to you for once or that you beg us to “listen to what I am saying” you will find that we are and you will come to regret it.

23 thoughts on “Do We Ever Listen?

  1. Asp Emp says:

    In my experiences, in reality, they never listen – not really…..

  2. Truthseeker6157 says:

    So, if you scroll down to ‘further reading’ and click on the image of the guy covering his ears.
    If I had to point at any of the male models on Narcsite and say which is HG, I’d say this one.
    Look at the eyes and reach.
    If that isn’t HG, then that guy is definitely a narcissist. 100% guaranteed, no doubt about it. All the alarms would go off, hurricane sirens, whole nine yards.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      I find him attractive. So yeah, probably a narc haha.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Ha ha NA. I like you’re logic. He’s sexy for the same reason he would also cause my guard to go up. So I’d be drawn, but similarly spooked.

        If I was an Ultra Narcissist, had a website with thousands of hits and was a showman, I would be tempted to put my picture in there somewhere, in plain sight, just for kicks. Also, given that I moderate thousands of comments and respond to many directly, I might also be tempted to attach my photo to an article entitled ‘Do we ever listen?’

        Maybe that’s just me.

        1. JB says:

          Ha ha, Truthseeker6157 this did make me laugh! 😂

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            JB, I’m surprised I get away with it 😉

          2. JB says:

            TS6157, so am I! 😂

        2. NarcAngel says:

          It was confirmed previously that HG has appeared here on the blog and many guesses have been made. None confirmed of course. And remember – his appearance changes.

          So everyone, squint a little harder, expand those images, and surmise away. While you’re at it you will begin to see many other things take shape as well. You will question if you are seeing things. You are not.

          But what do they mean?

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            I bloody knew it! Impossible to resist!

          2. K says:

            Remember the interview Out of The Box with Christine.

            Fast forward to 20:08. Aviator sunglasses, watch on left hand and very similar hair if you compare it with the image on HG’s Ultra channel: What is narcissism?

          3. K says:

            never mind, you don’t have to FF, that’s the image I was thinking of.

      2. StrongerWendy says:

        NA, you’ve stated previously that you have not been ensnared by a narc romantically, your pov is via abuse via parental narc. Has that changed and you joined the ensnared romantically team? Welcome.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Haha. No, but a lot of men that I find attractive are narcissistic or a narcissist.

    2. Asp Emp says:

      The MRN (the ex, whatever he classed himself) has eyes like the ones you mention (his have a more blue tint, or appeared grey at times) – interesting. Hmm, I wonder if it’s usual whether someone with narcissism (or narcissistic traits) has the darker rings on the outside of their iris?

      1. Another Cat says:

        Interesting question Asp Emp.
        I heard those outer darker rings indicate youth/health and with age the outer iris looks more blurry.

        I would chance it that this goes for Nonnarcs as well, but what do I know, I have no medical skill.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Yeah. It is an interesting ‘observation’. Your’e right about the health part – I noticed my uncle’s once totally brown eyes now show a blue tint on the ring / edge of the iris – possibly a result of long-term diabetes medication. I’m assuming. He’s not displayed any narcissism. Well, let’s leave this one for HG to ask “medical experts”.

    3. Duchessbea says:

      Wow, if that is HG, I would.

    4. Empath007 says:

      Ha ! The guy in the cover for this article has a classic narc expression on his face too though. Don’t let those nerdy boys fool you…. they are just waiting to play the victim haha.

  3. December Infinity says:

    Of course. This makes sense. Either for fuel and for present/future manipulations to be instigated at any moment.

  4. blackcoffee30 says:

    As an IPSS he never stopped listening to me. I often wonder whether it’s worse to be an IPPS or IPSS.

    This is NOT a competition as to who had it worse. It’s musing about my relationships with #1 and #2.

    1. Leigh says:

      Blackcoffee30, I was a DLS and mine would often not listen to me. He would talk over me, change the subject, pick up his phone, or even walk away. He constantly checked out. Everything had to be about him. He needed me to listen to him, ALL THE TIME!

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        I’m sure all our experiences are slightly different, and I’m sorry you had to hear him! LOL I can’t imagine what wild, stolen, and false tales he told!

        1. Leigh says:

          I’m sorry I had to hear him too, lol. He was quite a story teller and could be quite charming. On the other hand, he was a cry baby and could drone on for hours whining and complaining. They really are full of themselves!

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