Twisted

TWISTED

Twisted.

How could you be so twisted? I gave you absolutely everything. I opened my heart to you and gave you a perfect love which is beyond compare. I let you in to my world and shared everything with you. Nothing was kept from you. I knew that you were the one, the one person who amidst all the treachery and deceit in this cruel, harsh world who would take care of me. I recognised that you would shield me and protect me from the perfidious foes that lurked seeking to destroy me.

I gave you everything that I had. I poured my love into our relationship, investing in it because I knew that this time it was my soul mate who stood before me. You made me so happy because you knew what I needed. You gave me what I wanted and also what I needed and you lifted me heavenwards with that beautiful brand of love that only you can possess. Our relationship was built on the firmest of foundations and promised a glittering and marvellous future.

We had so much in common. You liked what I liked and I liked what you liked. So many times I would remark to my friends that it was such serendipity that we had found one another. There is so much hurt in the world, so much darkness beyond the front door and we found one another, two shining lights that when combined we burned brightly and brilliantly.

Nobody made me feel the way you did. At times, eloquent and articulate as I am, I struggled to find the words to convey what you did for me. Your selflessness and devotion were breath-taking and naturally I reciprocated. I put you first. From the moment I rose until the moment I let slumber take me, I had you and only you in my thoughts. As our mighty empire grew around us, I planned for us both. I looked forward and constructed a happy, fulfilling and most of all loving future for us both. We had no need to look back at the past. We had both been hurt by those who acted to their own agendas.

I suppose that is why we found such a need in one another and one that we could both address. It was as if we had been cut from the same cloth. Two pieces of a fabulous and stunning garment that just needed to be stitched together and once combined cloaked us in magnificence. Our brilliance was never ostentatious. Most definitely other people would look upon us and comment as to our satisfaction, but not smugness. People would remark about how happy we looked and they were genuinely delighted for us, there was no envy in their words or expressions.

We had it all. We had found one another and I believed in you, I believed in us. I gave every ounce of my being to you in order to ensure that what we had did not crumble to dust. I strained every sinew, fired every synapse and poured my very essence into us. I could not have given more of myself to you. From the material to the ethereal I ensured it was all directed onto you in order to ensure you knew how deep and perfect my love for you was and is. I melded with you, combined, conjoined and became one because I knew. I knew with a certainty that I had never met before that this time, this time I had found my angel, my muse, my protector and my soul mate.

Such was the treasured nature of this find that I knew I had to do everything in my power to maintain that you and I remained as one. There was no hope for anything else. I could never do anything to hurt or harm you and thus spoil this most precious union. Every waking moment was dedicated to preserving our special relationship. Each word, each act and each thought revolved around the concept of us and I wanted more than any desire that I have ever known to keep us together.

Yet you destroyed that. How could you? How could you render into the dirt and ashes what we had? How could you betray me so viciously? How could you twist what we had built together so that it was no longer recognisable? A warped and corrupted image of what had been so magnificent, so perfect and what I thought was so impregnable. You perverted our creation, the poison which flowed so readily and alarmed me with the speed by which you were able to summon it.

The toxicity which clouded my vision, stinging my eyes, filling my nose and mouth as I choked on the malevolent fumes. Where did this come from? I had never seen this about you. In all the time we spent together, and we spent a lot of time together, not once did I see anything that would indicate that beneath your beauty and your tenderness lay this vast repository of hatred and malice.

How could you be so twisted as to unleash all of this against me after everything that I had done for you, after everything I had done for us? It makes no sense. There is no logic in what you did, no rationale for taking what we had and then rending it apart, pouring acid upon it so it melted into awful shapes, searing it with flame so that it bubbled, cracked and split becoming something terrible and fearsome. So many times I have asked myself why did you do this? We had the world beneath us and then for some incomprehensible reason you wrapped your hands around it and began to dismantle and destroy it.

No sane individual would do this would they? Only someone sick would act this way. Someone who has something very wrong with them would let me down in this way, after giving and promising so much, to then cast it all asunder. A twisted and hateful game is what you made the concept of us become and your warped actions have exacted a severe cost to my well-being. You have tried to break and destroy me. Why did you do this after all that I have given you, after everything I have done, after all the love, affection and dedication that I have shown to you? Only someone twisted could behave this way.

Do I speak these words or am I hearing them?

Perhaps I speak them as they are spoken to me as I look into the mirror?

Are these my words, your words or do they belong to both of us?

Tackle the Twisted 

Read more about Twisted behaviour.

3 thoughts on “Twisted

  1. December Infinity says:

    A rather delusional train of thought. How twisted indeed.

  2. Asp Emp says:

    RE: link on ‘recent comments’……

    Misogynistic – do you really, deep down, think this? You wrote the book. I read it. Other people have read it. Some haven’t.

    re-reading my comment on the article under this ‘link’ made me laugh though – maybe I am the ‘black’ sheep for being me…..

  3. Asp Emp says:

    I last commented – 22nd August 2020
    It depends on who is reading this article, either it could be:
    a) a narcissist (probably not a Lesser, as they may not think “rational or reasoning” as the other schools), or
    b) a mentally and emotionally confused empath (one that is still under the spell of the narcissist), or
    b) the dark side of a narcissist speaking to their own (their other and ‘white’ self) reflection in the mirror, quite possibly when they are not in a position, or failed to obtain ‘fuel’, or
    c) an empath reading one of HG’s articles
    The title of this article is so apt for the way it’s written. Very cleverly done, HG.

    I re-read this again just now What do I think about it? What do I feel about it? I have to admit, that I have actually pondered (doubted myself, argued with myself) in the last couple of weeks. Am I actually a narcissist myself? Is this why I seem to ‘contradict’ myself when I comment on other articles? Is it my aspergers that is getting ‘in the way’ here? Is the ‘covid-isolation’ getting to me (cabin fever)? Is it ‘fear’ of getting ill with covid and not surviving it? I question myself. A lot. I question and analyse. A lot. I don’t actually miss my ex-narcs – at all. I don’t actually think about them – have no reason to. I don’t feel anything for them. Maybe I feel too much. Maybe I don’t. I don’t feel negative, I don’t actually know how I feel. I looked at the 5 ‘layers’ of the emotional “levels” on ‘Empathy Cake’ and I said to myself, I am capable of ‘feeling’ all 5 layers at one time or another (never at the same time) – it varies. But why? I have no answers, because I have not had opportunity to ‘explore’ them. Yet, I understand myself more than I did before. Yet, at the same time, I seem to have more questions now on who I am, today.

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