“You’ve done what? I cannot believe it. What on earth possessed you to do that? Are you mad? Are you completely unhinged woman? Sweet Jesus I don’t believe what you just said to me. How many times have we been over this before? Countless times. Hell, I said it only yesterday didn’t I?

I cannot believe you would be so stupid as to do something like this, it just beggars belief. You know I am starting to think that you do this on purpose don’t you? It’s no good shaking your head and staring at me like that, do you think I will feel sorry for you if you give me those eyes? Do you? I said DO YOU?

Yes, you may as well shake your head again, it’s about as much as someone of your idiocy can do. I swear I am living with an epsilon semi-moron, have you always been this fucking dumb? I guess you have. It was such a simple thing to do, straight forward, a child could do it, but no not you, you had to go and be clever and go and royally fuck it up. You absolute idiot.

You have ruined everything now; you do realise that don’t you? I mean it is completely ruined and how about that for a fantastic start eh? Yes, I am being sarcastic, I suppose I have to explain that to someone as brain dead as you. Jesus, why on earth have I been saddled with you.

Don’t you fucking dare speak when I am speaking, you’ve done enough damage as it is, you will shut the fuck up and listen to me when I am setting you straight. I have pointed out to you so many bloody times what you should do and you assured me, you stood there and assured me that you knew what you were doing. That was a lie. I SAID SHUT UP AND DON’T INTERRUPT ME! I swear you want me to hit you don’t you? That’s what you are trying to do.

Oh I know you alright, you think you are so damn clever but I have you worked out. I know what you are up to. That’s right, wind me up, get it wrong, disappoint and frustrate me and then you want me to explode and land myself in some hot water. Well it isn’t going to work with me. I am not stupid. I am not you, you know. I know what I am doing. I am the one that keep this place together, you would do well to remember that when you are busy ruining everything with your mind-blowing and monumental incompetence.

It is breath taking. It truly is. I told you what to do. I told you once, I told you a hundred times and you said to me and I can specifically remember what you said, you said ‘don’t worry, I can be trusted to get it right’. Yes, that is what you said. It is no point looking like that, don’t pull that face with me, don’t you fucking dare, I am sick of you not showing me enough respect around here. I work my backside off to keep things afloat, not that you give me any credit for it though.

Oh no, you are too busy taking the piss, fucking things up and spoiling it for everyone and especially for me. I don’t know what I am going to do now. I mean, you’ve just, I, I am almost lost for words. You see, not only have you cocked it right up but you have lied to me as well. I don’t know which is worse, but that’s you all over isn’t it. The liar, the deceiver, you flatter to deceive.

Don’t think I don’t know what you get up to. I have my eye on you, yes, you would do well to look worried, I know all about you. What are you looking over there for? Look at me when I am talking to you. Look. At. Me. Oh here we go, the waterworks. If you have messed up and you are being corrected start crying and it will be all okay again. Well it won’t will it?

It won’t be okay after what you have done. It won’t be fine. It won’t be good or great or fine and dandy. You have messed it up. I knew this would happen. I knew I shouldn’t have left it to you, but do you know what, I thought to myself, no, give her a chance, let her prove she can do it, let her demonstrate that she can be trusted to get it right, I mean, after all, that is what a relationship is all about isn’t it? Trust. Without trust there is nothing.

Do you see what you have done? Do you? Do you really understand the impact of what you have done? Somehow I doubt it, that is why I am having to do this. Do you think I like shouting at you? What’s that? Were you going to nod then? Why you ungrateful and nasty bitch, you have some cheek to accuse me of enjoying this when I am the one who has to put up with the consequence of your outrageous incompetence. I am the one who is put out.

I am the one who has to suffer. You will just walk away muttering about having understood, how you have learned your lesson and you won’t do it again but I may as well be speaking in Mandarin for all of the notice that you take. I told you to stop crying. If you don’t stop crying, I am going to seriously lose it with you. Christ, what am I going to do? You’ve messed it up and ruined it for me. You don’t care, you don’t. If you did care you wouldn’t keep doing this would you? You wouldn’t keep making these mistakes and winding me up.

You are trying to send me to an early grave aren’t you so you can have all this to yourself aren’t you? Got some fancy man on the side have we? I bet that’s what this is all about isn’t it? Ruin me through your incompetence and then waltz off into the sunset with some Johnny Come Lately after I croak it, sent to an early grave by your scheming. You’d love that wouldn’t you, to see me off. You nasty cow, no wonder nobody likes you, no wonder nobody asks you out.

Oh yes, we never get invited anywhere these days because of you and your behaviour and is it any wonder. You are a walking disaster area. I mean people put up with you, they did it for my sake, I have good friends like that, or should I say I had good friends like that but thanks to you they are disappearing like rats on a sinking ship. You won’t be happy will you until you have completely ruined everything for me will you. That’s what you want.

You want me on my knees, gasping for breath, miserable and wretched as you cavort and carry on with some other mug that you have seduced and promised the world to. I can’t believe I fell for it, but then I guess you keep the real you hidden don’t you, tucked away until you have your feet under the table, your name on the deeds and the joint Amex account. Well you are not that clever because you won’t beat me. I am cleverer than you. I am going to make you pay for what you have done. I am the one who is in charge here, this is my house and you do what I say.

I am going to unleash hell against you after this catastrophe, it is an outrage, a complete outrage. I pity our neighbours having to put up with this, but you make me do it, it is all about you. I am not fooled by the frightened looks and the tears, other people might be taken in by it, but I am not. I know it is all for show. You disgust me, you scheming, manipulative, hateful cow. I curse the day I met you. Now look, you’ve made me late, thanks a bunch, that’s all I need. I’m going and don’t think I’ve finished; this is far from over.”


“I thought you would prefer raspberry jam to marmalade,” you say softly to nobody in particular after that tirade.


Understand more about the Tirade

Understand more about what drives the Tirade

Understand one of several sub schools of narcissist that uses the Tirade



67 thoughts on “Tirade

  1. Fiddleress says:

    Oh my, this tirade sounded like my mother, to my father.

    1. Fiddleress says:

      I came back to this thread to check, and it is as I thought: I wrote my previous post on the day that my father died. Not that I knew. The funeral took place two days later, 27th November. Not that I knew either, until five days ago. I was not allowed to attend his funeral, and neither was my brother (or our respective children), because we dared to do that which is not done: we went no contact with our parents over ten years ago, because we had finally mustered the courage not to take any shit from our narcissist mother any longer. Our father always sided with her. I am quite sure he wasn’t a narcissist, but now I really have no idea what he was. He had said he didn’t want us at his funeral, so said my (unsupportive) uncle, the only extended family I still see once a year,
      (Side note: I reckon that you kind people would be tempted to say “sorry for your loss”; please don’t. I lost my father years ago, when he rejected my attempts at communicating with him, and even keeping in touch with him after I decided to GOSO with my female genitor.)

      My mother had managed to pit the whole family against me and my brother. Including our father, by pouring poison in his ear, as she did with everyone behind everyone else’s backs. My relatives are probably for the most part normals. Shitheads, those normals, when I think about it. Lazy, cowardly shitheads. Didn’t want any conflict, knew they’d get it from my mother if they kept in touch with me, so they deemed it more simple to just let me down. And let my brother down, who is himself a normal, and who simply does not want to speak about our parents or anyone in the family. Offering no support.

      The only person who I thought was ‘normal’ and who would not let me down, is not letting me down, is my son. His current reaction, and other things he does for other people, tell me he is empathic (not an outright empath) rather than normal.

      What I cannot wrap my head around, is that those people, my relatives, knew me as a child, knew me until I went NC with my mother, liked me, and they still just look(ed) away. Although I did hear them agree that my mother was abusive, as they could see she was towards my father.

      I sincerely hope that it is only my unfortunate experience with normals, but what has just happened makes me think that normals are not just boring, they are also not decent human beings from my perspective of what decent human beings are.

      What I am feeling right now is disgusted anger. More disgust than anger. I feel as if I had crashed my car into a wall and got out of it unbroken, and ready for battle. Oh, how I have some questions for you, HG. Because I was right about one thing at least: my mother attempting to hoover.

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dearest Fiddleress,
        My thoughts are with you on this, I’ve been there, same same but different!
        Just know, you are not alone
        My mother came back … the rest is history
        Rest your anger sweet one and slowly let the calm in, as slowly wins the race
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. Fiddleress says:

          Thank you Bubbles, it does help to know I am not alone.
          It took me years, but I now have lost all compassion for my mother, horrible though this may sound.

          I take this opportunity to let you know you that I was sorry to read you have lost someone dear lately.

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Fiddleress,
            Thank you so kindly for your thoughts lovely one
            I have already spent 21 years grieving the loss of my mother, my feelings are not so much of compassion but one of sorry n sadness for her
            I understand Mr Tudor’s explanation of instinctiveness with them……I now view and observe her in that light ! It’s so true !
            Quite oblivious they are, as they go on their self indulgent nonchalant little paths! Normals can be just as bad
            A loss is a loss, no matter whether a normal or a narc …. it’s final !
            I understand your thought processes as I’ve been there…. it simply isn’t worth the time or energy
            I hope you are able to reflect, refocus and take a little time for yourself as we all need to take care of ourselves
            Thinking of you 💕
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. Fiddleress says:

            Dear Bubbles,
            The ‘instinctiveness’ is one thing I still haven’t fully accepted yet. Or, I accept it, but not enough to put it into practice and not feel angry, for instance. I am glad you have managed, and I trust I will get there.
            I will have time over the next two weeks to refocus.
            Thank you Bubbles, and I hope you have been, and are, surrounded by warm people to support you and Mr Bubbles in your recent circumstances.

          3. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Fiddleress,
            Thank you lovely
            Our nephew’s death has made us as a family, feel even closer, we support each other fiercely (except the youngest, that almost goes without saying right now)
            Mr Bubbles has been quite clingy recently. I feel, that n covid, has highlighted the realisation of our vulnerability with mortality and this is why we should live life to the fullest and not waste it
            I can relate to all your frustrations Fiddleress, having gone thru the alphabet of emotions with my mother, family and the weasel
            I had to let go all those feelings that weren’t in sync with my personality and made my health no 1 priority (just had a check up and all green lights to go)

            The ” instintiveness” trait, I thought at first was a joke from Mr Tudor, however, upon reflection and consideration, I see that with my mum and in fact the weasel and our greater …… it just is ! It makes up their being, as awful as it is
            We, as empaths, question everything, we want answers and justification and it’s extremely unsettling to us when we don’t get it
            We are so hurt by what they do, we desperately need validation !

            Simple truth, we aint ever gonna get it ! Acceptance of this is the hardest !

            The reason my mum gave not seeing me for 21 years was “it was a joke” and also blamed it on my stepdad (deceased) …….. of course it was, lay blame onto others haha

            We need to accept the fact, there are heaps of shitty people out there and there’s nothing we can do about it, except move on, even though they get away with it (they have an excuse for everything)
            I wasted so much energy on feelings, anger, disgust, hurt, sadness n tears …… over what ? The truth being my own mother couldn’t give not one iota about me

            I hope with our support here, we can help you in your time of need
            Please take care extra of yourself as you’re extra special 💕
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          4. Fiddleress says:

            Dear Bubbles
            I am really glad to know that your family is present and that you support each other. And great to know that you are in good health!
            There is one narcissist in my family who justifies their own nasty words and behaviours by “it was a joke”, but coming from your mother about not seeing you for 21 years… leaves me speechless! It shows that nothing they say should be taken seriously, but it is unnatural to us to dismiss what people ‘close’ to us tell us without responding emotionally.

            Your support – yours, Bubbles, and other readers’ – absolutely helps. I am extremely touched by this. More deeply than I express it in words here.
            Thank you also for your lovely words!
            I can certainly see how each person here is extra special 🙂
            Take care, Bubbles ××

          5. NarcAngel says:

            Hi Bubbles.

            You’re so right, there are heaps of shitty people out there and chances are good we will be related to some of them. We will have good ones also, of course and we grieve them both when they pass.

            The good because they added positively to our world and we are happy that they felt and shared in that.The shitty because they were positively not of our world and we’re sad they could never really know the value in that. We don’t really grieve them, we grieve the loss of the potential we had envisioned for them and how that could have enriched both our lives.

            I’m sorry to hear of your nephew passing. You bring honour to him and the positivity he brought to your life by continuing to share in the legacy of his children. They will witness what you and Mr Bubbles have together and that is a gift your empath nephew would want them to have.

            Take care,

          6. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Fiddleress.
            Thank you for your warming n kind thoughts
            I decluttered all the coat hangers on Facebook, deleted and blocked phone numbers taking up space, stopped sending Xmas cards to people who weren’t in our life and only replied to us as a courtesy. Our social life has changed drastically and we only invest in those who truly care (we can’t get rid of our greater friend, he’s too entertaining, knowing what he is ….haha)
            I always look twice at a person who says “it’s a joke” or “I was just joking” ……not at my expense, you don’t !!
            People perceive what they want, you can’t change that …. let them ! Sadly, it hurts more when it’s family members n relatives
            I don’t take my mother or our greater friend seriously at all
            You and your precious wise and sensible son are worth all the “tea in China” ….. and some !
            Life is constantly changing and warrants reevaluating, your father’s demise has sadly made you confront new decisions and new directions
            Perhaps it’s been a blessing in disguise!
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          7. Fiddleress says:

            I admire your capacity to be entertained by narcissists once you know what they are, Bubbles. I am not there yet and don’t know if I ever will be. No contact, as much as possible, is my only option as far as I can see.
            I did think what happened could be a blessing in disguise. Your saying this too is very comforting and helpful !

          8. Bubbles says:

            Dearest NarcAngel,
            I couldn’t agree more
            I’ve had that many people say to me over the years, ” you’re mum is the one who’s missing out ”
            My mum doesn’t see it that way and never will ….. totally oblivious !

            Your warm sentiments have touched the cockles of my heart, truly overwhelming… thank you kindly NarcAngel 💕
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          9. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Fiddleress,
            Thank you lovely
            It’s taken me a very long time to get to a different mindset with regards to viewing the narcs we know in a different light
            Our greater friend is fairly predictable and consistent, my mum is pretty “cooked”
            as our daughter loves to describe her haha
            I have a lot less tolerance now and can contain my emotions to a level I never thought possible …..I’ve surprised myself !

            Retraining your brain and redirecting your energy is a good start in the right direction. Some family members aren’t even worth wasting your breath on
            We’re all here for you -((—-))- hugs xx
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. A Victor says:

        Fiddleress, thank you so much for sharing this. It shows the power of the narcissist and I agree, normals can be shitheads, downright horrible at times. Good to hear you are feeling ready for battle. And so glad for you to have your son.

        1. Fiddleress says:

          Thank you for your kind words, A Victor.
          I know you had a narcissist mother too, so I imagine you had some horrible experiences too.

          1. A Victor says:

            Still having actually. It was my dad that died in Nov, he was the “good” one. But I’m practicing ANC and your story gives me strength. Best wishes as you move forward, I hope you can have a wonderful Christmas season.

          2. Fiddleress says:

            Oh, A Victor, I am so sorry to hear that your father passed away recently. I didn’t realise. I remembered you had mentioned your mother was a narcissist.
            Re your mother, I understand better now why you wrote “thank you for sharing” previously; I was surprised – in a good way – to be thanked for this, though I thought it was really kind of you.
            You have all my support in this, it is a tough battle.
            Thank you for your wishes. Have a wonderful Christmas season too, A Victor.

          3. A Victor says:

            Fiddleress, thank you for your condolences and also the offer of support re my mother, they are appreciated.

          4. njfilly says:

            A Victor:

            I’m sorry for the loss of your father. I forget if I said this to you previously.

            It’s very difficult having a narcissist as a parent. I believe both my parents are narcissists. I agree that only people who have experienced their insanity can understand what it does to their children. I gave up long ago attempting to explain to people how horrible they treated me.

            I’m still trying to understand what people here are talking about with normals.

          5. A Victor says:

            njfilly, thank you for your comment. I can’t believe how much the aspect of having her be a narcissist is affecting me. I agree, other’s don’t, can’t, understand, they only see her at her best. Or, they’re people who can’t affect her so she doesn’t care. It helps knowing what it is and being here where others have experienced it. It is also helpful that my children see it even if they don’t want me to call it narcissism. The two who live here call it that, they know. The other two didn’t live with her, they’ve seen it from a different perspective so it’s harder for them to swallow that wording.

            I don’t follow your last sentence, regarding normals?

        2. Bubbles says:

          Dearest A Victor,
          Please forgive my lack of a sooner response to the loss of your loving dad!
          My heartfelt thoughts and wishes are with you in these sad, painful and enduring times
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. A Victor says:

            Aww, Bubbles, no apology needed, I appreciate the thoughts and wishes. It is getting easier all the time. Thank you!

          2. Bubbles says:

            Dearest A Victor,

            Luv Bubbles

          3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest A Victor,
            I did send (Two pink hearts)
            They seemed to have disappeared
            Just so you know
            Luv Bubbles xx

          4. A Victor says:

            Dear Bubbles, I did 🤔, but then I 😃 and thought 🥰! No need for 🙄, it’s all 😊. Thank you! A Victor

          5. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest A Victor,
            Aw…. that was soooo clever n cute! Ta lovely.
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          6. A Victor says:

            Bubbles, done because I love your use of emojis! I am not generally a big emoji user, nor fan, but I have enjoyed your use of them and when HG said he did not use them because he’s not a child, as I laughed and typed “wow”, I was thinking of you. I think I remember seeing you said you’ve been married over 50 years, making you, age-wise, not a child. But, I am young at heart and I feel you can relate. I am so glad you’re here, you are one of the success stories that is so encouraging with regard to your long, happy marriage.

          7. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest A Victor,
            Awwww……☺️Thank you lovely for your support on emojis haha
            We all start with chunky board, soft fabric and vinyl bath books…..I believe a picture can tell a thousand words and can convey a beautiful heartfelt message to normals n empaths (narcs n batteries not included) 😂

            Our greater friend sends me fairly sarcastic kinda tongue in cheek gifs, usually in response to my funny gifs, he doesn’t like emojis either, he is not a wordy text person (neither was the weasel) Having said that, the weasel overused words and sent emojis/pics (in response to mine) to me in the beginning, couldn’t shut him up……followed by deathly silence after devaluation, everything just stopped !

            My mother is not warm n fuzzy, she “pretends” to be, in order to get her way and only likes what “she” likes, so I HAVE to buy cards with cats or sheep on them or she’ll be crawling around the floor looking for it ………
            the dummy she spat 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

            We had Xmas lunch with her the other day and I put on an Il Divo Xmas cd ….. all we got from her was “I hate Xmas songs, I hate Xmas songs” ……….so I played it 5 times repeatedly 🤣
            101 how to annoy a narc 😂

            I am Mrs Claus at Xmas, my home is the Magic Cave and everyone who enters is transfixed back to their childhood and the spirit of Xmas lives on …. Mr Tudor would’ve loved it here as a kid, as my family still do …… aromas of ginger biscuits, gluewine and pine, in fact, my family have always walked in the front door sniffing baking or cooking …. it’s always been a guessing game, although now, they’re spot on ! 😂

            One can’t just rely on …..”it’s only words and words are all I have to take your breath away” …..big red flag !!!!!

            Long live emojis 😍 (at least I make Mr Tudor’s blog look colourful, ahhhhhh my English teacher would’ve been so proud) 🤣
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          8. A Victor says:

            Bubbles, thank you for your response, I can feel the Christmas spirit that emanates from your home even from here!

            I’m glad to know more of your narcissistic interactions, thank you for sharing that, it sounds like you are also an ACON. Being newly aware and practicing ANC, I am very interested in how others do this or otherwise proceed with parental narcissists.

            Have a wonderful Christmas! 🎄💖

          9. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest A Victor,
            Thank you for reply lovely one, you’re in the best place here
            I’m an definitely an ACON, an ex NISS, have a greater friend and our youngest is codependent with his somatic narcissist
            What fun 😂

            May you also have yourself a very Merry Christmas 🤶🏻🎄🎅
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      3. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Fiddleress, I understand your anger. My experience with normals with regards to narcs has always been very frustrating. They side with the narc and even if recognizing that person is unstable, they prefer not to go against for fear of seeming unpopular or losing their favor. Hypocrites, brown nosers, disgusting cowards. I am glad your son is supportive and not like them.

        1. BC30 says:

          SP — I don’t even know who you are anymore. Because you keep changing your avi!! Hahaha Anyhow, your comment makes me think that it may be, more often than not, that empaths are the ones most compelled to be supportive and try to help.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Haha because I’m being festive, BC30! This is how I understand supporting your beloved people: if someone hurts somebody I love/care for, it doesn’t matter what that person does for a living, who his/her connections are, or whether that person tries to be nice to me while also being a bitch to my beloved friend/family member. That person immediately becomes my enemy too. “You killed my friend, prepare to die.”

          2. BC30 says:


        2. Fiddleress says:

          Thank you, SP. It is indeed as you say.
          I am sorry that you had similarly bad experiences with the same sort of people.
          ‘Brown nosers’, that’s a good one. I wouldn’t be surprised if their tongues were brown too.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            That’s probably because in both your language/culture and in mine, the term “ass licker” is preferred, hahaha!

          2. Fiddleress says:

            Haha, SP, that’s precisely the word I was thinking of as I wrote this. We also say “boot licker”, but it tends to conjure up images of films in black and white with fetishism in them when you’re just trying to work out your anger. Not efficient.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            We use “brown noser” and “boot licker”.

          4. Fiddleress says:

            Interesting to know, thank you.

      4. BC30 says:

        I’m sorry to hear you’ve so much to deal with and are having such feelings, sending all my love and support. 💜

        1. Fiddleress says:

          Thank you for your lovely message, BC. What you wrote means a lot to me.

      5. Truthseeker6157 says:


        I’m angry for you.

        Normals lack strength. As you say, they choose the path of least resistance because things just don’t worry them as they do us. They might deliberate a few days at most, then they take the simplest option.

        We can’t do that, we can’t understand how others can, and here lies the source of your rage. ‘How could they?’ They do it because on the whole, they are weak, they are insubstantial but mostly, they do it because they are followers.

        Interesting isn’t it? When the chips are down, you see everyone so clearly. I’m so pleased that your son is following in the footsteps of his mama. Proof if you ever needed it, that he is cut from your cloth. He understands what counts.

        As requested, I will not say that I am sorry for your loss. I will say instead that I am sorry you had to have your eyes opened further in this way.

        It shows at least, that your decision to sever ties was the correct one. Be thankful for that. Xx

        1. Fiddleress says:

          Thank you so much, TS. You are right, I am thankful that I broke up with them years ago.
          My son was actually the first of us to say that he didn’t want to see my parents anymore; he was 8 when he asked if he could come out of his room only to say hello when my parents were around and then go back again (he is now 26). He also said he didn’t want to spend a single day or weekend away with them anymore as they kept arguing, and criticising me. So he has no addiction to narcissists, at least.
          I try not to put the burden of what I am feeling on him. He is the one my mother called to tell the news. He is not in the slightest moved by her attempts to hoover the rest of us through him. I still don’t know why he doesn’t block her. He doesn’t need to, probably. I am extremely lucky to have him.

      6. lickemtomorrow says:

        It’s hard when you have so few people in your corner, Fiddleress. I’m glad your son is standing with you. Normals are a nightmare when it comes to expectations involving the narcissist. Your sense of disgust resonates with me. And I do hope you will receive some of the support you need with HG <3

        1. Fiddleress says:

          Thank you very much, LET, for your kind words.
          I also have one friend I can freely talk to as she has known me since I was 15 and met my parents. But I know that even if we here have never met, readers will have a depth of understanding that others cannot have, even her, my closest friend. This is extremely important, and to think that this is all thanks to HG is in itself a revenge on the narcissists in our lives.
          I am humbled by all the replies and support I have received here.
          The “no fluffy stuff” approach by HG will be a great help. I might as well look at it all as it is and shed any illusion I may still have.
          Again, my deepest thanks.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            You are welcome, Fiddleress. I’m so glad you have a close friend from your youth who will be there for you, too, but there’s no doubt when it comes to the narcissistic element there will be an added layer of understanding here <3 When I read your comment my heart went out to you and I also recognized that will be my situation one day. My mother is getting older, she will die, and it's likely I will not know, will not attend the funeral or both. I don't know how I will feel about that, but I deeply appreciate you sharing your own experience of loss in the circumstances. It is unique in the context of narcissism and there are times when it seems the pain and trauma will never come to an end. I know you made peace with your choice before your father died. I hope at some point you can rest in that peace again, knowing in the circumstances you did all you could. You reminded me recently that "this too shall pass". May it pass in a way where your strength is renewed and in the meantime may you receive consolation <3

          2. Fiddleress says:

            ‘This too shall pass’: thank you for reminding me in turn, LET.
            My friend knows I wouldn’t lie and she remembers how I tried to be in touch with my father, but she never witnessed the dark side of my mother, only its effects on me. So although she believes me, she finds it hard to reconcile with the oh so ‘lovely’ lady that she saw. Here, I know that I will be believed and truly understood, by people who have experiences with narcissists.
            I can understand your own questioning as regards your mother. It is tough to be in this situation.
            Thank you very much for your wishes, LET.

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            Fiddleress, I’m glad you feel understood here as I think we all do. It is a real saving grace at times, but maybe especially at a time like this. It’s good to recognize that your mother’s facade may have impacted your friend’s thinking, just in the sense you can temper your expectations of her and the level of understanding she can bring. She will be sympathetic about your father, of course, and it must be reassuring that she is aware of all your efforts on his behalf. We need others to know these things and acknowledge them, too. We did our best, tried our hardest, gave our most. Somebody needs to know that. Somebody needs to acknowledge it. And I’m glad you have a friend who can <3 She was there and she knows. There was nothing more you could do. And you needed to look after you. No one else was doing that, it seems.

            I can only imagine how tough it is for you right now, Fiddleress, but we are in your corner and we understand. You've suffered a number of losses over a short period, and with Christmas just around the corner I hope you will keep checking in. We will be here when you do xox

          4. Fiddleress says:

            Lickemtomorrow, your reply is accurate in everything that you say. It is also extremely kind and caring, and thoughtful (about other losses of mine this year). Your response has moved me very deeply, because I am always moved when I see support coming my way. This is not a reflection on the people who offer support, as if I were surprised that they should be supportive and understanding, but rather it forces me to be in touch with my real emotions, which I always tend to cut off at first (I have heard that this tendency is typical of children of narcissists – I will ask HG his view on this-, so you may experience this too).
            I will keep checking in, no doubt about that.
            I hope you are doing well, and that you are enjoying the Christmas preparations. A heartfelt Thank You, LET ××

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            You are welcome, Fiddleress <3

            And I also experience the cutting off of emotions (did not realize this was part of the phenomenon) with a sense of being overwhelmed at times at the kindness of others. I don't expect it. Maybe part of me believes I don't deserve it. So I understand your thoughts around how moving it can be and how appreciative we can feel. As you say, the surprise is not so much others offering support because they are loving, kind and gracious individuals, but more our inability to believe we are worthy of the same. And we are xox

            I hope you will find moments to enjoy during the Christmas season with those closest to you, Fiddleress, and for the moments that are difficult we will be here x.

          6. Fiddleress says:

            LET, just a short note to say that you understand perfectly. And it feels so good.
            Thank you x x

          7. lickemtomorrow says:

            I’m so glad, Fiddleress, and your are most welcome xox

            I know I will be back for support myself at some stage x

      7. Leigh says:

        To have written on this specific post which reminds you of your parents on the day your father died, you must have felt it on a subconscious level.

        I know you don’t want to hear your sorry but I am. I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye. I’m sorry that the people who you call family have done this to you.

        1. Leigh says:

          Oh shoot, I meant to say I know you don’t want to hear I’m sorry.

          1. Fiddleress says:

            No problem, Leigh!

        2. Fiddleress says:

          Thank you Leigh, your message goes straight to my heart. Really.

      8. njfilly says:


        I’m sorry for what you experienced from your parents. I hope you have no regret for the actions you had to take to save yourself and your son. I have a similar situation with my parents.

        I wish you peace going forward.

        1. Fiddleress says:

          Hello njfilly
          Thank you, no I don’t have any regrets about the course of action that I took, save for the fact I wish I had taken it earlier. I hope that you managed to do what was needed to protect yourself from your parents too.
          The discussion around normals was me ranting about the lack-balls normals in my family.

          1. njfilly says:

            I don’t think there are any “normals” in my family.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I agree.

          3. njfilly says:

            Are you being serious or sarcastic? Can you really tell that there are no normals in my family, I assume due to my consultations?

  2. Duchessbea says:

    I would love to see you in action HG. I imagine it would be poetry in motion. If that is you in the photograph HG, Pretty Hot. Brilliant article.

  3. December Infinity says:

    Quite the tirade. Reading this gave me a headache. I have been subjected to this many times in the past. The tirades only get longer and more brutal.

  4. A Victor says:

    I watched the video on YT just now, it made me cry as so much of this is what I grew up with as constants. So difficult to believe that this is so consistent amongst narcissists. And I feel so badly that I used a couple of the phrases on my own children as they were growing up. Not many times and not with the same venom but still, I will need to apologize.

  5. Asp Emp says:

    That would have been my response had I been subject to that kind of treatment and certainly would have left the room even before the first paragraph’s words finished…… I’ve grown a back-bone.

  6. Asp Emp says:

    (slamming the door as I leave the room)…..

    1. A Victor says:

      Hahahaha!! I missed this back in November!! Super funny!

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