The Online Narcissist : Somatic



How do you spot a Somatic Narcissist online?

I have explained before how the advancements in technology have created a haven for our kind. The internet has become a prime hunting ground for all schools and all cadres of narcissist. From social media to dating websites to chatrooms, the existence of cyberspace has created so many opportunities for us to target and hunt down our victims. Not only that, technology has extended our reach, allowed us to target multiple victims, remain in contact with scores of prospects and do so at any time from nearly any part of the world. It is little wonder that our kind cruise, shark-like, through cyberspace, seeking our victims.

There is much to be said for you staying away from the internet. Not only are you closing down various avenues for the narcissist you have just banished through no contact, to prevent hoovers, you are also reducing the risk of being ensnared by another one. However, the internet and all of its accoutrements are regular fixtures in most people’s lives and therefore such blanket avoidance is not only impractical it may not be desired. Why should you let our kind force you into no longer enjoying the benefits of the information superhighway?

Accordingly, you wish to maintain a presence in cyber space and so you must adopt a position of vigilance. I have detailed previously the ways in which we look for our victims through the various portals of the internet, the types of behaviour, the profiles, the postings and the engagements which not only show you are susceptible to being seduced but highlight your empathic traits so you have a neon light above you, drawing us to you. How about you being in a position to spot our kind when we are on the internet? This is clearly a worthwhile skill to hone as part of your Narcdar, in identifying us.

One of the most prominent places that this identification takes place is with regards to dating websites and it is there that I shall show you what you ought to be looking out for in two distinct stages. The first is the type of indicators that you might see on the profile page of our kind on a dating website. The second are the tells that occur when you first engage with our kind on such a website when you begin the excitement of flagging your interest and exchanging message. I will therefore detail the indicators in these two stages which you ought to be aware of so that you can determine whether the person is one of our kind and therefore you can dodge the bullet, escape the tendril and evade the narcissist.

Keep in mind that these are indicators, two or three is nothing to be concerned about. Yes, this shows that there are narcissistic traits in evidence but once it goes beyond three of these indicators you need to become wary. The more indicators there are, the more likely it is that this person in cyberspace is a narcissist and you are skirting on the edge of being seduced.

Let us begin with the Somatic Narcissist. The Somatic Narcissist is one of the four cadres and is generally defined as a narcissist who has a pre-occupation with appearance, looks, material possessions, sex, status and the earnings of himself and those around him. What should you be aware of when you are working your way through those dating profiles and what should you pay heed to should you commence in messaging somebody on these sites to determine whether this person is more likely than not a Somatic Narcissist ?

  1. In respect of a male somatic narcissist the profile picture will show the individual bare-chested to show off his physique. In the case of a female narcissist the picture will be glamorous with the narcissist made-up, pouting and quite possibly utilising a professionally taken picture. In both sexes the photo may also show the individual next to an expensive or flash-looking car, undertaking some kind of adrenaline pursuit, such as flying through the air on a mountain bike or a grinning shot as the individual parachutes from a plane or the picture will be of the individual against the backdrop of a chasm or a luxurious beach.
  2. If the profile contains more than nine additional pictures as well as the profile picture, this is an indicator of a somatic narcissist. Pay attention to the individual striking the same pose in each picture such as the man flexing his muscles to show off his ‘guns’, adopting a Usain Bolt stance, pouting or standing with one hand on hip. These are all indicators.
  3. If the pictures only have the profile holder in them, this is a further indicator.
  4. There will be no mention of having been single for some time, looking for love for a period of time or anything to denote that the individual has been alone.
  5. The individual will make mention of his or her employment, job position and/or earning capacity in the profile text. If the site provides a bracket for the individual’s earning to be entered, they will be and they will be listed in six figures whether this is true or not.
  6. The individual will not make mention of wanting to engage in pursuits such as staying in and getting cosy by the fire, going for romantic walks, watching films together. These are regarded as vanilla and boring by the somatic narcissist. An absence of mentioning these things is an indicator. If phrases such as those above are included, this is a downward indicator.
  7. The somatic narcissist will make reference to various interests which will include outdoor pursuits, adrenaline fix pursuits, attendance at a gym, sports and anything which denotes the pursuit of competitive physical excellence. If there are references to winning events such as an Iron Man Triathlon, running the New York marathon or similar this is a double indicator.
  8. There will be repeated reference to travel. Specifically, look out for reference to exotic beach holidays and holidays which involve pursuits such as ski-ing, trekking, kayaking around islands and such like. There is unlikely to be mention of places where one might undertake sight-seeing of landmarks and such like. The somatic narcissist is there to be the sight seen, not to sight see.
  9. If there are references to where the individual lives in terms of an upmarket area as opposed to the region or city, references to the size and style of accommodation or reference to additional places where the individual lives, these are indicators.
  10. If the profile states that the individual dislikes lazy people, people who do nothing, out of shape people etc. this is a firm indicator. The somatic narcissist has no concern about letting people know what he does not like and his lack of tact will mean that it will be rude and disparaging.
  11. If the profile makes reference to sexual prowess of proficiency this is a firm indicator also. Again, the somatic narcissist is unlikely to apply tact to the situation and is content to brag about such matters.
  12. References to shopping, shoe collections, extensive technology collections, record collections trainer collections and similar are also indicators.
  13. The profile of a somatic narcissist is likely to make reference to nights out at glamorous places, going to bars, wanting to be seen, mixing with people and such like.
  14. If the individual references somebody famous in their profile either purporting to know them or quoting from that individual – who is likely to be a sports person – this is an additional indicator.
  15. Re-read the profile. If you read it back and immediately hear the voice of someone talking quickly as if pumped up on adrenaline and Red Bull, with exhortations of ‘yeah’, ‘hell’ and ‘woo’ whilst a fist pump or a high five is being delivered, this is a considerable warning sign.
  16. The profile of the somatic narcissist will be 90 per cent about him or her with a smaller section reserved for what he or she does not want and also what he or she is looking for. The looking for section will be up front about wanting someone who is physically attractive and engages in similar activities. This is actually paying lip service to considering the other person. The somatic narcissist IS the draw and really is not overly interested in what the other person does. Not at this stage.

The more indicators you identify from this profile and its accompanying pictures, the higher the likelihood that this individual is a somatic narcissist.

If you engage with somebody on a dating website and exchange messages, then you should be aware of the following indicators which all evidence that you are engaging with a somatic narcissist.

  1. They will respond quickly to your messages. They will also badger you if you have not answered their message promptly. If there has been a flurry of messaging, then you have slowed in your response times and you have been badgered to respond, when you do respond there is silence, the somatic narcissist has moved on to a different target and you have been forgotten about. Understand that all narcissists using such sights will have multiple prospects in order to maximise both fuel and the opportunities of ensnaring suitable prey and anyone who fails to keep up with the pace will be left behind.
  2. Expect messages to be short and to the point. The lesser somatic will use text speak a lot. The mid-range and greater less so, but their messages will not be long or flowery.
  3. You will be asked for your mobile number and offered his or hers within five exchanges.
  4. You will be asked direct questions about your profile pictures. Is it you? Is it a recent picture? Where was it taken?
  5. You will be sent bare chest and dick pictures by the male somatic, topless and bottom pictures by the female somatic, whilst you will be repeatedly pressed to reciprocate.
  6. The content of the messages will become sexual between five and ten exchanges. If mobile numbers have been exchanged expect to engage in sexting and talking dirty down the phone to one another. This will be wanted or engaged in before any suggestion of a date has taken place.
  7. The somatic narcissist will appear to be interested in you experiencing his or pursuits ‘I would love to take you rock climbing, you will really enjoy it’ or ‘We could go camping and do some hunting, it will be a blast.’ There will be an assumption that you will enjoy it. The somatic narcissist may appear encouraging by offering to instruct you, teach you etc. so this appears that they are kind and taking an interest. This is being done purely to show that they are an expert and to test your credentials to be their victim by ascertaining whether you have the right class traits.
  8. You can expect to be asked your opinion about various matters which are of value to the somatic narcissist. What you do for a living, how much you earn, where you live, where you holiday, what type of car you drive, what you think of certain places, what you think of certain famous people. This may appear like taking an interest in your preferences. It is being done to garner information to ensure that you accord with the somatic class traits and to mine for intelligence which can then be used to mirror and seduce once the somatic narcissist is satisfied that you are a decent prospect worth expending further time and energy on. Do not expect to be asked about books, art, religion, politics, economics, current affairs or similar matters. If you engage in a conversation using those topics you will witness the topic being shut down and moved to something else in order to return to relevant somatic topics.
  9. The somatic will appear very keen and enthusiastic but it will border on pushy in terms of wanting replies, wanting pictures and wanting to meet up. You are likely to put it down to being very interested in you and the somatic narcissist will only confirm that to be the case if challenged. He or she is keen to draw fuel from your messages but even keener to move to meeting you and this will be pushed for quickly, in around ten or so exchanges and within just a day of making contact.

A significant aggregate of these indicators both from the profile and the subsequent engagement will tell you readily enough that you have been interacting with a somatic narcissist and therefore you should heed all these red flags before meeting the individual concerned, since doing so means you will become at a far greater risk of being successfully seduced in person.

30 thoughts on “The Online Narcissist : Somatic

  1. Eternity says:

    Nothing wrong with being Naughty .
    We can sit on the Cold Comfort HG chair.

  2. leelasfuelstinks says:

    Long time ago, young Leela was chatting with a guy who had almost exactly such a pic as show here in his profile. He pointed out, how important esthetics and beauty is to him and he wants a woman who is pretty, hot and sexy. Sad truth: For young Leela who grew up with a somatic narc-“parent” this was totally normal. 🙁 Didn´t date him eventually, found him too arrogant. Lucky me!

  3. BC30 says:

    I got my first unsolicited D pic last night! He said he was married; I said that was an absolute dealbreaker. He replied with pic and the message, “Even with this?” Sir, no. 😒Blocked. Now I know it was a N sense entitlement, lack of boundaries, among other things.

    1. leelasfuelstinks says:

      Haha, BC, sorry, but I had a good laugh when I read this! 😀 😀 Hilarious! “Even with this?” 😀 😀 😀

  4. December Infinity says:

    I haven’t been on dating sites in over 5 years. I have reduced my time on FB since March. The information about the somatic narcissist online is pretty accurate. I ran into a number of those based on what is in this article. It would be interesting to see what the indicators would be for other groups – cerebral, elite and victim to see what to look out for as all schools of narcissists use dating sites to troll for victims.

  5. Asp Emp says:

    I’m still avoiding the online “dating” sites like the plague!!!! I’ve not even been on FB much either – I only ever once got ‘friend’ request from some guy in Europe somewhere – declined & blocked….. (fanks but no fanks)….

    1. Eternity says:

      Asp Emp,
      I think I will go on there for fun. Maybe I will get a good laugh out of it. Let’s see if I can see a Somatic Narcissist.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        “Let’s see if I can see a Somatic Narcissist.” (laughing) – there will be loads of them….. just be careful x

        1. Eternity says:

          Ha ha , oh I know I need to be careful. I have never gone on a dating site in my life. I just will find it interesting in seeing how they operate.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Stay away from them. Your current level of ET will be too high owing to continued interaction with the narcissist (notwithstanding the cessation of that relationship) and you run the risk of ensnarement by a new narcissist.

          2. Eternity says:

            HG, I wanted to go on there just so I can see for myself for entertainment reasons, but I will take your advice and not go on there. I obviously do not want to be ensnared again that is the last thing I need in my life right now.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            God has spoken, Eternity.

            I wanted to say “Stay away from them”. Online dating sites are actually more dangerous than coming face to face with narcissists in public places.

            I honestly would not go on those sites, purely to protect myself and I would never recommend anyone to join these sites either.

            Please do read HG’s article on the subject (I have tried to locate the actual article on the blog – maybe HG will provide the link? – thank you).

          4. Eternity says:

            Asp Emp,

            Yes he has .I havent gone on the site I was debating whether or not for fun, but I wont now. It was just a thought . Thank you so much !

          5. Asp Emp says:

            Oh, Eternity – I totally understand how and why you think. I think seeing that ‘hot guy’ and watching that ‘film’ in the same room was a bad influence on you 😉

          6. Eternity says:

            Ha ha exactly Asp Emp you made me laugh! It really was I wanted to rip his clothes off but I slowly came back to reality. He would be a bad influence on me plus he was taken . Too bad it’s ok.

          7. Asp Emp says:

            (laughing) “I wanted to rip his clothes off” – I know what you mean and I understand (too much 😉 ) I think what you are describing is PT (I just thought of that!)……

          8. Eternity says:


          9. Asp Emp says:

            I knew, I just knew that you wanted to know – can’t you guess? (laughing) – What is ET? What is LT? Have a guess what PT is…..

          10. Eternity says:

            Asp Emp. Can you give me another hint I am not thinking straight now.

          11. Asp Emp says:

            I am not surprised, that hot guy got to you!! Ok, I think it’s time for you to know….. Primal Thinking – consider the wording – every one has primal instincts (animals too) – this kicks in before emotions and cognitive responses – especially when it comes to ‘survival mode’.

          12. Eternity says:

            Ha ha thank you Asp Emp good one! I probably was thinking that way at the time. Then logic kicked in afterwards. I might see him again this weekend because my friend is really close to his sister. I will look but I can’t touch . I dont know would it be bad to touch ummm.

          13. Asp Emp says:

            Whatever you do – if you can keep your PT in check, with remain LT ‘switched on’ and your ET down – you can look at him objectively….. observe and remember what you have learned about narcissism (he may not be a narcissist)…… enjoy yourself but be good (not!). Be careful though. Maybe stay away from ‘racy’ films, eh? 😉

          14. Eternity says:

            Asp Emp, I will try to. I am so busy this weekend running around.,but If I bump into him I will try and be on my best behavior. He has a girlfriend and I dont llke to get involved. I am not like that .
            I will keep my PT in check. Maybe I will watch Home Alone part 1 and 2.

          15. Asp Emp says:

            Those films? I am sure you can do better than that! Either you try, or you don’t! (laughing) “If I bump into him” (don’t do it on purpose!).

          16. Eternity says:

            I might he is doing some work on my friends house so maybe I can see him in action.

          17. Asp Emp says:

            Oh, Eternity! And I thought I was ‘naughty’….. (laughing). I’d better go and sit on the cold chair…. (laughing)

          18. lickemtomorrow says:

            Oohh, that’s good AspEmp. Glad you solved the mystery of PT 🙂 It’s real.

          19. Eternity says:

            It certainly is lickemtomorrow

          20. Asp Emp says:

            Oh, thank you LET. Yeah, PT exists now. Yet the ‘mystery’ remains to be resolved…..

  6. BC30 says:

    I found one yesterday who met 80% of these flags. I was frustrated that he couldn’t even make up a hobby of any kind and continued to push what he had to offer (single, homeowner, travel, no children, high-powered job) and that he was a “good listener,” rather than share anything fundamental about himself.

    I cut off communication swiftly, but he was handsome, so I would likely have fallen for it in the past.

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