Razed To The Ground
I am the master architect. I will amaze you as I create golden cities that reflect the magnificence of our relationship. With glass and chrome I create those skyscrapers that soar high into the air as a testament to the sheer height to which I will take you. Clean, sparkling rivers run through the centre of these cities, spanned by intricate bridges. The stonework on the most elegant buildings bears the hallmark of the master craftsman that I am.
My technique and brilliance surpasses anything that you have seen before. Carefully landscaped parks and gardens provide a verdant oasis at different parts throughout these cities, a haven for flora and brought to life with the sound of birdsong. Beyond the city limits lush meadows undulate away to the imposing grandeur of mountain ranges. I keep the sky an amazing azure through out the day, save for sunset when I allow a few clouds to wisp across the horizon and contribute to the breath taking hues of red, orange, yellow and violet that I weave through the sky.
My empire is vast. It is resplendent and awe-inspiring. It is all my own work, achieved through my careful application of building something worthy of representing our relationship. It is built on the most solid of foundations, from the most reliable and durable of materials. There has been no corner cutting, no use of cheap and suspect stone, wood or steel. Nothing shall fall but instead it will prevail for ever in tribute to you and me.
Yet for all this splendour that I have single-handedly created I will take a match to it and bring about an all consuming conflagration. I want to see it engulfed in the inferno of my making. It makes no sense. There is no logic to burning down what I have created. The wanton destruction of such beauty is abhorrent and flies in the face of any reasoned individual. The flames burn with such intensity that the steel melts, sizzling drops of molten metal that scar the stone which fractures and crumbles. Glass shatters, blackened shards that collapse to the ground, the noise of destruction masked by the roar of the flames.
I will stand and watch this terrible destruction with a twisted grin on my face, my hollow eyes reflecting the shooting pillars of orange flame. You are knelt beneath me as I hold your head in my hands, forcing you to watch this display of carnage and obliteration. Your tears stream down your face, cutting through the soot that has adorned your features, the heat haze shimmering before you and your sobbing inaudible compared to the fierceness of the fire that will burn for days.
I will build you an empire and then I shall raze it to the ground.
That is my way and it shall always remain the case.
3 thoughts on “Razed To The Ground”
HG – I also meant to mention that emotional empathy is mostly learned in infancy and childhood; so with a narcissistic mother, she would have been incapable of teaching or demonstrating empathy; and with your father submitting to your mother and retreating, he failed to teach or demonstrate empathy. I think you were born with the capacity for it, but it needed to learned. It seems that it can still be learned in adulthood; possibly not as easily or effectively, but it is possible. Of course, in your perspective, there is nothing wrong with not having empathy, or you find the lack thereof to be beneficial; but, juuuuust in case, I thought I would mention it. 😉
I cut and pasted some excerpts from an article I read that describes the effects a narcissistic mother can have on her son, which I think is relevant. You may already be aware of all of this; if not, it may interest you. Either way, your readers might be interested in it. It strikes me that it seems that male narcissists are repeating the treatment they received from their narcissistic mother onto the narcissist’s victims. Some possible reasoning is given. I added some of my thoughts of how it ties in, in parentheses below; the statements not in parentheses are quotes from the article. *The website source link is at the bottom, and can be used to read the full article.*
*Whether or not sons have worldly success, they risk growing up insecure and codependent.* (The insecure true self Creature that is loathed by the false self narcissist, and the need for admiration and fuel from others.)
*Their individual identity has never been supported. Their self-worth and self-esteem have been undermined by verbal abuse and lack of love for their authentic self.* (The dreaded Creature, whereby the mother made the son feel unworthy, so he created a false self.)
*Many narcissistic mothers idealize their young son. They build his confidence and sense of importance. As he matures and challenges her control, she disparages his emerging individuality and tries to correct and change him.* (This initial idealization might repeat with the partner, fueling the narcissist in the beginning of the relationship; then as the relationship becomes normal/routine, losing its initial luster, the praise from the partner diminishes, and the narcissist fears a repeat of what happened with his mother, fears that the partner will try to control and criticize, so the narcissist controls and criticizes and pushes his partner away. The narcissist is also repeating the way the MatriNarc treated him, by treating his victim this way.)
*From feeling controlled and/or exploited, the son may harbor deep dislike toward his mother, even if he remains close. This often extends to other women. As a result, a son can feel used, resentful, and exploited by women. When a son feels unsafe to express feelings and needs to his mother, it feels unsafe in adult intimate relationships, as well. Having been manipulated and emotionally abandoned, he fears being judged and/or abandoned by his partner. Additionally, having been enmeshed with his mother, he fears being engulfed and controlled by an intimate partner. Thus, he’ll avoid intimacy, prompting his partner to demand more closeness, which escalates his apprehension and defenses. Generally, he will react to women with compliance, resistance, or anger. Some men will be aggressive and distrust women. Other men have learned to be manipulative or be passive-aggressive. They overly accommodate, lie, or passively refuse simple requests from their partner as if they were their mother’s demands. Resentment and intimacy fears might drive them to be dishonest or unfaithful, especially if their father was.* (Effect MatriNarc had on son’s feelings and, therefore, his treatment of partner.)
*Above all, she uses and exploits her son to supply her with attention, admiration, and to fill her wants and needs. She makes him feel loved, important, and valued, reinforcing his dependency. However, it’s only at her pleasure.* (The narcissist repeats the way the MatriNarc treated him, by treating his victim this way.)
‘The Rise and Fall of an Empire’……