You Should


What is the prevailing mind-set of the Mid Range Narcissist? What is going through the mind of the member of the largest school of narcissism when an appliance has been treacherous and disloyal? Does he manifest the malice that is exhibited by the Greater school or is his response different? What is he thinking when there is treason committed in the Kingdom of Mid-Range? Whether the applianceΒ has escaped him, exposed him, challenged him or some other capital crime against the nation-state of narcissism, the Mid-Ranger’s mind goes into overdrive. This is a glimpse inside to understand what he or she believes.

You should not have done that to me. You should be thankful for who I am. You should be giving thanks to whichever god you follow that you have someone like me in your life, someone who cares, someone who is considerate, someone who only wants the best for you. You should be ashamed of the way you have treated me. You should apologise this instant. You should say sorry to me for the way you have behaved. You should treat others the way you want to be treated and not going around behaving like you are something special. You should realise I am something special and you keep treating me terribly. You should understand that I am a good, honest and decent person and not everybody would put up with your hysterical outbursts. You should know how hard it is to love somebody like you, but I do. You should be grateful for that.

You should know who you are messing with. You should be wary of getting on the wrong side of me you know. You should make sure you keep me happy because you will not like me when I am not happy. You should be looking out for me and not gadding around after other people. You should learn what your priorities are. You should spend more time with me. You should know when to leave me alone. You should be here and doing what I want. You should try giving for once rather than doing all of this taking.

You should be more aware of the way that you treat people and especially me. You should think more about how your actions impact on me. You should take my feelings into account and stop being so selfish. You should realise just what you do hurts me. You should understand that the things you say and do to me have consequences. You should stop making it all about you and let me have a say from time to time. You should stop being so obsessed with your friends’ lives and think about our lives together. You should spend less time with your family, they do not appreciate you in the way I do.

You should stop telling lies about me. You should get your own house in order before you start telling me how I should lead my life. You shouldn’t live in a glass house you know and throw stones. You should stop being such a nasty person to someone who has only ever been good to you. You should stop smearing my name to other people. You should take a look in the mirror. You should take a good look in the mirror actually.

You should stop putting me down. You should do what I want for a change. You should come back and apologise, I am a reasonable person and you should recognise that. You should make things right again because after all this is all your fault. You should stop fighting with me, I do not know why you have to do this. You should stop trying to tie me in knots. You should be more considerate. You should think about me more. You should sort this mess out because you are the only one who has caused it.

You should see how hard I have been trying for us. You should recognise a good person when you see one. You should know I have made the changes you demanded but you should be making some of your own as well. You should realise just how much I have tried for you and me.

You should know what other people say about you. You should realise that I put up with people saying bad things about you and you should be grateful I defend you to them, but I won’t keep doing it forever. You should realise you are not as popular as you think you are. You should be aware that I am a popular person and you won’t come out of this looking good at all.

You shouldn’t treat me like this. You shouldn’t destroy what I have built. You should recognise a good person, an honest person, a truthful person like me. You should learn just what you have lost by behaving like this. You should see just how many people hold me in high regard. You should be so happy to have someone like me, someone who people think well of and they do, just ask anybody and they will tell you. You should take the time to realise that I am a good person and consider what you are doing to me, to us, to what we have.

You should stop hurting me. You should stop getting a kick out of this horrible treatment of me. You should stop being mean to someone who loves you. You should help me. You should love me more. You should show me that you mean it. You should stop with the pretence. You should be genuine like me. You should stop playing the games. You should be the person that would make your grandmother proud. You should be the best person you can be for me.

You should get some help. You should see someone. You should go to therapy. You should sort these problems out. You should stop blaming me. You should stop projecting your problems and insecurities on to me. You should stop the game-playing, I am cleverer than you so I see straight through it. You should tell the truth for once You should stop making up stories about me. You should reflect on what you do. You should get some insight into what you are actually doing. You should shut up and listen to me for once. You should go and see the doctor. You should take your medication. You should stop being such a borderline. You should stop being such an attention-seeker. You should stop dodging the issue. You should address your issues.

You should let me speak. You should give me a chance to make things right again. You should come back because you owe me. You should let me show you what I can do. You should understand sometimes I don’t know what comes over me. You should make allowances for my behaviour because you are worse. You should not focus on the handful of supposedly bad things I do when I do way more good things. You should listen to why I do those things because if you did you would realise there is always a very good reason behind it. You should understand I have to disappear once in a while because your behaviour becomes too much. You should understand I am not sulking, I am just being quiet. You should accept I have to tell people about the way you behave because otherwise I would go mental. You should think about the names I call you and realise I am actually trying to help you because otherwise you will not listen. You should stop trying to blame me for everything that goes wrong and instead be grateful for what I do for you.

You should give it a rest now because you are giving me a headache. You should go and let me rest because I have been working hard all day. You should rub my back. You should make me something to eat. You should be there when I come home. You should stay out of my way when I am fed up of you. You should ask me how I am and not keep telling me about what you want. You should stop telling me how I should behave. You should see what I have to deal with. You should try being me. You should understand how much pain I am in from my back and not complain about your own supposed ailments. You should show some consideration for me now and again. You should get off your high horse. You should give it a rest. You should try walking in my shoes. You should try being me for a day. You should look at it from my point of view. You should make allowances. You should be more tolerant.

You should do it because you want to. You should do it for us. You should have more faith. You should have more discipline. You should have more resolve. You should let me in. You should keep out. You should learn when to speak. You should learn when to stay quiet. You should be seen and not heard. You should follow me. You should watch what I do . You should learn from an expert. You should stick with me. You should be mine. You should stay away from him. You should not speak to them. You should know what is best for you. You should know home is where the heart is. You should know where you bread is buttered. You should know how lucky you are to have me.

You should come back.

You should because I say so.

You just should.

57 thoughts on “You Should

  1. Cup Cakes says:

    Do narcissists apologize to gain power back?

  2. shannah says:

    wrote 5 pg letter trying to mend things with guy i was seeing. texted me that he was sorry. hopeful, i responded “its okay but what happens now” he said “you need to forget about me” oh. okay. devastated wtf. he literally said last time i saw him “you already cant forget me” cool. great. love it

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      Hi Shannah, pretty sure most of our responses to the narcissist end up being WTF?!

      He sounds like a classic. And your 5 pg letter compared to his return txt probably says a lot as well. You were an empath pouring your heart out and he’s got you on the end of his line.

      Hopefully you are in the throes of dusting yourself off and moving past the experience. Though it can take a long time for the feeling of devastation to go away. They really don’t care, and his taunting you with “you already can’t forget about me” proves it. Sounds like he’s relishing the thought of the position he’s put you in. Or thinks he’s put you in.

      Just keep moving and don’t look back <3

      1. shannah says:

        thank you so much for the reply! its my first time commenting here but i always love the articles, they are the most helpful and honest ive ever found. i appreciate you validating my situation; ive told a couple of friends, trying to figure out why did he say forget about him?! one person said “boundaries” which made me feel worse. they dont understand. its been 4 months of intense romance and euphoria but every time after seeing him, im left crying and destroyed because of something i did wrong and he makes it like he doesnt want anything else to do with me. he will text here and there, call a couple times, etc. last time i drove 300 miles to see him out of state. he made me leave his house after like 5 hours so he could go work. that was NOT the plan. cried the whole drive home and for days after. i feel like i am so in love with him and its crazy, ive dealt with “narcissists” before but this is on another level. and like i said he always acts like hes mad at me but then he tells me its okay we will see each other..this time its different.its like he wanted to really make me fall for him and then just get rid of me. nobody has ever told me “you need to forget about me.” in my letter i said “please tell me what i can do .. id be okay being anything to you besides this. ” sounds pathetic i know but was my last attempt.. tried pulling away, tried lots of things.. i wish i could just move forward but this has me so depressed like i am really really having a hard time with this. cant eat cant sleep. i just want to talk to him its the only thing that would make it stop even if he wasnt nice i just want him to acknowledge me i just want some sign that hes not done with me ughhhhhh πŸ™ sorry for long rant. thanks again

        1. A Victor says:

          Welcome Shannah!

          1. Shannah says:

            thank you πŸ™‚

        2. lickemtomorrow says:

          Shannah, I was happy to reply and I’m so sorry you are going through this. It sucks, I know, and he certainly seems to have taken you on quite a merry-go-round ride. The type none of us enjoy, but it does make me think of those fairground rides where you get off a ride and the thrill of them makes you want to get right back on again. I think some of what you are saying links into the addiction empaths have to narcissists. We find it hard to resist them, especially after becoming entangled. And for the most part other people don’t understand, so I’m sorry to hear your friend’s comment made you feel worse. It’s nothing to do with him trying to apply boundaries and everything to do with him manipulating you. Since you are here you will have begun to get an understanding of that. And I’m so glad you’re here and decided to comment <3

          It's one way to get support in the circumstances and most of us arrive here pretty broken. In all honesty, your letter doesn't sound pathetic to me. It sounds like something I would write. Or any empath for that matter. I remember one really pathetic moment in my last relationship where I practically begged the asshole to talk to me and take me back. WTF?! I am not that person, but I was for him. That's how entangled I was and how little I thought of myself in the end. Thankfully, being here has helped to change all that. And the information you are accessing will all lead you in the right direction x

          Don't be sorry for sharing your thoughts, and not being able to eat and sleep is an indication of how big an effect this narc has had on you. I know you want acknowledgement as a means of stopping the pain and we've all been there. What we've also found is that it just puts us on the merry-go-round again. Which is where I ended up after my narc took me back. The devaluation in the circumstances was almost immediate.

          Keep reading HGs work, Shannah, and there are many useful products in the Knowledge Vault to help get you back on track. In the meantime we're here to support you. I didn't know what I was entangled with and slipped back many times. You have the advantage of knowing. That's a good start xox

          1. shannah says:

            ahh you totally get it. i like your analogy about wanting to get back on the ride bc of the thrill. exactly.. it feels so exhilarating and you just want/need(feels like need) more which goes along with what you say about it being addictive. well at least at first it does. i have an ex who was similar to this new person and he was the love of my life…but he used me financially and i deluded myself into believing he really loved me. he faked like he did really well..he to this day fakes to be my friend when hes in need of something and ive always been so quick to help even if it hurts me to do it..its like an automatic response even. and after im like..what. why did i even do that. at least it doesnt hurt anymore. it only took 7 years to get over him lol. sigh

            will definitely keep reading and trying to learn as much as i can.
            im glad to have found such a supportive community. i have felt so lost. i know nobody i know wants to hear it and its so hard to explain anyway, except for here. like i just wrote a little summary and its like you completely understood. <3

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            Glad you feel understood Shannah, and you’re in the right place to get the support you need. I get the automatic response as though it’s somehow built in. The addiction is real. In that sense accessing the Addiction Package might be one way of combating that. I also found Chained helpful to read. That’s because I have co-dependent tendencies as well. It might be worth considering doing an empath detector which is what I did to get a better understanding of myself and my tendencies when it comes to my empathic traits and how that relates to my addiction to the narcissist. Lots of very helpful options to set us on the right path and my first choice was the empath detector as I wanted to put the focus back on me and my good qualities and strengths while taking the focus off the narc. The main thing is you are here and have many people who can understand your situation plus expert advice from HG. It all adds up to a win for us in the long run if we can stay the course. And even if we step off the path at times there’s always a way to find our way back xox Glad you are here <3

        3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest Shannah,
          Welcome lovely one
          Please just breathe for now…… slow down and try to calm yourself, take slow deep breathes
          It’s ok
          One slow step at a time
          You’ve done nothing wrong and you’re not pathetic
          Try to eat something and get some sleep
          Don’t worry or focus on talking to him for now
          Mr Tudor will guide you. You’re in the best hands ever and we are all here for you
          Your priority is to take care of yourself first …….the rest will follow
          Sending you lots of heartfelt hugs
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. shannah says:

            aww thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words and support. <3

          2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest shannah,
            You’re more than welcome precious
            These lovelies are a wealth of understanding, support n experience
            Mr Tudor will be your rock and your beacon
            Stay tuned, you’ve got this and we’ve got your back
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Fiddleress,
            My favourite colour is red, same with Mr Bubbles
            Don’t even go there 🀣
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Fiddleress.
            Red…… represents power energy assertion passion vitality survival
            But I wear predominantly black…….makes me look slimmer 🀣
            At least I’ll be ready for my own funeral 🀣
            You can now use your colour meaning as your mantra lovely one
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        4. Fiddleress says:

          Hello Shannah, and welcome!
          Glad to see you have started posting and that you have found this site and blog.
          I thought I could feel your pain when I read your comment; it sounds so familiar, this ‘push and pull’, unfortunately. Don’t worry about ‘ranting’ or sounding ‘pathetic’: the relationship with a narcissist gets you there: totally bewildered, the mental pain becoming a physical pain too, not eating (yes, that in particular), the realisation somehow that you need to get out of that relationship, or it is going to take you down a dangerous road, but at the same time the readiness to debase yourself just to hear his voice or see him again…
          This seems like a typical case of being ensnared by a narcissist . Which means that you need to get out, as you probably know already. It is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but we are here to support you if you need us, and of course, HG will really help you.
          You may have heard or read the following from HG: the fact ‘your’ narc has asked you to forget about him is a blessing in disguise, this is giving you a headstart, it is your cue to escape and block him!
          I wish you all the courage in the world, Shannah.
          Sending plenty of support your way.

          1. Shannah says:

            hi! thank you so much for your response.. i never expected to comment here and receive so much support and encouragement, it is so nice and really making me feel not alone.

            right now i just am not even at the point of wanting to get out… i dont want to block him or erase him. im not ready for it to end πŸ™ all i can do is hope he didnt mean what he said and that he will come back. ugh. every time i look at my phone i wish for a text or missed call or every time i get a notification i want it to be him and its not you know?

            anyway i so appreciate your kindness and i am happy to be here. thank you so much <3

          2. Fiddleress says:

            You are very welcome Shannah.
            I read somewhere else that you are thinking of speaking with HG. This would be a very wise move.
            Let us know how things go with that individual (who does sound like a narcissist)! xx

          3. Shannah says:

            Fiddleress yesss i really want to speak with him. I want to tell him this whole story so I can really understand whats going on and what exactly to do. i will keep you guys updated. ty πŸ™‚

          4. lickemtomorrow says:

            Beautifully said, Fiddleress <3

          5. Fiddleress says:

            Thank you, lickemtomorrow.
            In fact (and Shannah, if you read this, this is for you too), I was happy to say a few words to Shannah and make her feel welcome. It reinforced my resolve to maintain No Contact with the last narc. Something went wrong with my phone apparently, in November (it erased the blocked numbers list, most of them being shops’ numbers whose adverts I didn’t want, but one was the N’s). And I was hoovered by narcex on Christmas Day. A lovely message. I fought with all my might on that day, and for the next two weeks, to resist replying – I really fought extremely hard against myself, and went through the whole rainbow of emotions again. It was bloody painful (I am guessing cross pollution, with the events of the end of 2020 in my family), but I thought of all of you here, and of HG, and I felt I simply could not betray you all.
            One of the many wonders of having found HG, and the lovely people I interact with here. I am very, very thankful.
            Feeling a bit better now, in that I know I will NOT get in touch with him.
            Oh, and I changed my number (at last!) on 26 December.

          6. lickemtomorrow says:

            OMG, Fiddleress! How awful that he was able to hoover you on Christmas Day and even worse you assumed you were safe from any future hoovers! You just can’t account for some of the things that happen, but it was through no fault of your own. Where there’s a will there’s a way. And thankfully you withstood the test and were able to rectify the problem. I can imagine the struggle you had to ignore him and then take the final step towards no contact by changing your number. Well done to you and congratulations xox I will need to get the info on cross pollution as I’m in a cross pollution situation at the moment I think.

            My narc returned to an online platform we both used to share and hoovered me indirectly there. I’ve no idea how I would handle a direct hoover, and I don’t think he’s got the balls to do it after the way things ended, but never say never. They have no shame!

            And I understand the notion of not betraying others here, too. I would feel I was letting people down if I provided a response to him. The main person we would be letting down of course would be ourselves. When we have come this far there’s no way we would want to turn our backs on all we have learnt and let the narc get to us again. Easier said than done, though. They are very sneaky and we will always be set up for a fall unless we are careful.

            I’m so glad you are feeling better and are feeling assured of not getting in touch with him. The more you refuse the drug on offer hopefully the easier it becomes. And being here with others who are also fighting the good fight against their addiction helps immensely <3 xox

          7. Fiddleress says:

            Thank you LET
            Yes, he was able to hoover because I understand nothing at technology – I didn’t know that when your telephone reinitialises itself, you lose the blocked numbers list!
            You are right to say that the main person we would be letting down would be ourselves. I’m afraid I still don’t see that as bad enough (progress has to be made, there!), and I “need” to have a sort of promise to someone else to honour. A loyalty to honour. If that makes sense.

            At first, I was extremely angry at receiving his text. I could feel that he was treating me like an object. I felt like throttling him. That is why I changed my number the very next day. But then, emotional thinking skyrocketted and all the dangerous ideas came to my mind, like sending him HG’s video about the fuel crisis, to let him know I knew what he was and that he must be hoovering because of a fuel crisis.
            Or thinking that me changing my number was a good excuse to send him a text, to give him my new number (I know it sounds mad; I am beginning to think that that is what emotional thinking is: a form of madness!)
            Or, not being able to stop fooling myself that he really did want to see me, because he realised how much he missed me, and things would be fine now if we started seeing each other again.
            Or thinking that now that I knew what he was, I could handle him and manipulate him too!
            And each time, in my mind I heard HG’s voice saying with great assurance: “This is emotional thinking!”, haha! It did help lots.
            Still, I was horrified to see how quickly all the hard work I’d put in since last year could come tumbling down with just one seemingly nice text.

            You are right to think they have no shame, and the rewriting of history might mean that your ex could hoover you directly, you never know.
            “Cross Pollution” is really good. Have you listened to it yet?
            Stay strong, beware the hoover! XX

          8. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ah, Fiddleress, <3 this comment.

            Every thought you put out there I could see myself having, and potentially using the same arguments to give in xox So on point in each and every aspect. At least in terms of how my mind works, too. Thank you so much for sharing those thoughts which I'm sure will be helpful to others. Seeing them written out in black and white as a means of capturing and clarifying them is a blessing. What is even more of a blessing is a way you have been able to tie them all to emotional thinking <3 It's our downfall and one that HG reminds us of time and time again.

            I'm glad you heard his voice in your moment of need and your description also reminds me a little of the crossing of the emotional sea. I came across those pieces again in one of HGs books and had to skip them. because they made me very emotional, taking me right back to the time I got here. They were some of the first pieces I read. And how quickly it could all come tumbling down, and all the good work be undone, with one simple txt as you say. Imagine having to start all over again? It's taken months for me to get where I am now, and I'm sure you are the same. It's no easy road in recovery.

            Thanks for the reminder about rewriting history, too. Narcs are very good at it and have no remorse. They don't care what they put you through before and are happy to put you through it again. Haven't got a hold of Cross Pollution yet, but I will xox

            I can completely understand your anger at the hoover and I had the same reaction to my more indirect hoover. They think they can just walk right back in again without so much as a "by your leave". That's a definite button pushing experience which will raise the ET for sure. It can be a death spiral from there if we let it be. So glad you didn't let that happen, Fiddleress. It must have taken some strength, but you did it.

            And I also understand how being beholden to others in a sense helps to keep you on the straight and narrow of the path of no contact. It does help in a way to have others who can hold you accountable. Not that anyone would give you a hard time if you hadn't been able to maintain your position, and most certainly would lift you up again in the circumstances, but there would also be the reminder about how to keep yourself safe.

            And it seems we are the same when it comes to technology also πŸ˜› I fight it at times like I fight the narcissist! I think technology is narcissistic, lol. It's certainly given lots of advantages to narcissists.

            Let us both stay strong and avoid the hoover xox

          9. Fiddleress says:

            Haha, I agree that technology is narcissistic, but then probably designed by narcissists too!

            I am sure no one would give me a hard time for breaching no contact, you are right. I wouldn’t do that to anyone either, that’s for sure.

            And thank you for everything you wrote, LET xox

          10. lickemtomorrow says:

            You are welcome, Fiddleress <3

            Good point about technology being designed by narcissists, btw. I think there are quite a few people questioning how it is being put to use and a recent documentary called "The Social Dilemma" puts some of the original players squarely in the corner of calling that into question. It's an excellent watch if you ever get the time xox

          11. Fiddleress says:

            I am definitely going to watch this documentary, thanks for telling me about it. I am really very interested in this issue. I’m actually reading a book at the moment about the detrimental effects (on our brains, and health) of the omnipresence of screens and digital life, by a German psychiatrist and psychoanalyst called Manfred Spitzer. Not exactly uplifting, when you think of how digital everything has been and is still being forced upon us.
            I think I will watch the documentary now!

          12. HG Tudor says:

            I recommend closing your eyes and just listening to it Fiddleress!

          13. Fiddleress says:

            “I recommend closing your eyes and just listening to it Fiddleress!”
            Haha, too late! But that’s one of the good things about listening to your videos, I don’t look at the screen.

          14. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hi Fiddleress, I watched this doco when it came out and my eldest daughter had watched it around the same time. She eluded to being quite shocked by it and it made her more wary in terms of social media. At least at the time! I have watched it three times now and the last time took notes, mainly consisting of the more significant remarks and some of the quotes which were used. My notes ran to six pages. I have also “joined the conversation” which is also an option they give you on the connected website to follow up on the documentary and continue the conversation.

            So interesting you are reading that book at the moment. It sounds like a deep dive into the issue and well worth a read. Especially as it relates to mental health.

            And, no, it’s not uplifiting when there is a sense you can’t get away from social media in the current context. You can remove yourself from anything if you are determined enough … keeping the narcissist in mind.

            But it is a challenging look and perspective on how social media is impacting the world and our subsequent addiction to it. Which also reminds me of the narcissistic element of technology and social media.

          15. Fiddleress says:

            Hi lickemtomorrow
            That documentary was so interesting! I can see why you wanted to watch it again and take down the quotes. It is an excellent complement to the book I’m reading, which does not cover all the aspects the documentary deals with. I notice that the words “manipulation” and “manipulate” are used quite a lot, of course.
            I was surprised that the people talking all worked or had worked for Facebook/Twitter/Google etc, and were giving us the inside story. This might be cynical of me, but I tend to think that if they are able to explain how worried we should be, without the fear of any backlash from those companies, that is because said companies are very safe in the knowledge that not many people at all will heed their warnings, and that it is too late anyway.
            The people interviewed say that “something needs to be done” and they are optimistic about finding a solution; but these are the very people who were enthusiastic about starting all that, not foreseeing the extremely dangerous downsides. So them saying that they are optimistic about finding a solution sounds like another way to hell paved with good intentions.
            In any case, I really enjoyed it. If you are interested, I will write a piece when I have finished reading my book. There is a whole chapter about computers/the internet and education: I find that I have excellent reasons to feel like throwing the computer out of the classroom’s window at every beginning of a lesson, haha! (Because we are forced to turn it on first thing after opening the classroom’s door. I deeply resent the way we have been and are *forced* to use computers for everything, whether we like it or not.)

          16. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hi Fiddleress, I appreciate the feedback and good to know it complemented what you were reading πŸ™‚

            I understand what you are saying about the fact these people are/were insiders of all these companies and seemingly did not suffer the expected backlash. In actual fact Facebook did respond to counter some of their claims after the documentary came out. That’s the only one I am aware of at this time, but I would agree with you that these companies have such a monopoly in the context of social media that they likely feel they have nothing to fear. A few naysayers are not necessarily going to put much of a dent in that. Raising awareness was the big takeaway from this for me.

            I was fascinated to learn that one of the most outspoken of the critics, who we see bringing the argument for more regulation, was actually a design ethicist from Google. Of course ethics should come into it, but I had no idea such people existed. And now he is taking it to the next level. Funny enough his experience reminded me of the movie “Jerry Maguire” where he puts out a mission statement (an element of conscience creeps in) and immediately after doing so has second thoughts. The response to that was lots of congratulations and chatter (same as this guy) before they fired him! I don’t know if the Google guy was fired but it appears he has joined with some others to set up his own company. Seriously, these people are geniuses and kudos to them for their abilities, but that doesn’t mean they should get to run the whole show. At least some of them are thinking outside of their little tech bubble box.

            It was also interesting to discover most of these people do not allow their children to access social media, or only in a very limited capacity. One even admitted to being as addicted as everyone else to his social media and a couple more wrote their own software programs to help limit their use. I do believe they are sincere in providing their warnings and wanting to make a change. The doco did seem to be a bit disparaging of the idea that the tech companies themselves were the answer to the problem. Most lamented what they had begun as something positive and which now seems to have gone beyond their control. Another mentioned not being able to put the genie back in the bottle. And I think he is right. The most important thing, from my perspective, is the conversation has been started. Whether it’s another road to hell paved with good intentions remains to be seen.

            I would love to see what you write after you have finished reading your book and I may have to try to get a hold of the book as well. No doubt technology is having a big impact in the field of education as elsewhere and the reality is it has been sorely needed over the last year or so when so much has been done remotely, too. So, not to throw the baby out with the bathwater, but just to raise awareness of the dangers and concerns. I also resent at times our reliance on technology which in some ways feels like it is taking over while at the same time distancing people from eachother. The flip side is we are here and we are talking and benefiting from its use. A real Catch 22 and, like everything, finding the balance would be the best possible outcome.

            Thanks for your response. I enjoyed reading it <3

          17. Fiddleress says:

            Thank you LET for your reply, I appreciate your more balanced view of things (more balanced than mine!).
            Yes, one of the upsides of this technology is that we are here and it really is an excellent thing. As they said in the documentary, it is as much a utopia as a dystopia, hence the catch 22 situation. But I am here out of choice. What I resent is having to do things, through this technology, that can be done other ways (like making a medical appointment, for instance). On an other occasion, I will expend on the use of this technology in education – it is an utter failure, as was remote ‘learning’ back in March-May here. Being forced to use technology at work when it is not needed (except to spy on us), and in fact can be detrimental to the learning process for students, is part of the reason why I want to change jobs.
            I do tend to throw the baby out with the bathwater, haha!
            That’s interesting that Facebook reacted to the documentary.
            Anyway, I am now going away for the weekend until Monday morning, to the seaside with a few friends, without any internet connection! Have a good weekend Xx

          18. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hey Fiddleress, thank you for the reminder about utopia and dystopia, I had forgotten that remark, but it is true in so many ways.

            And I agree having a choice is paramount. So many options are provided now for us to do things online and I have a penchant for making direct contact as opposed to doing it that way. So, I will make the call or show up in person if that is possible. I remember one guy telling me I could do what I wanted to do online and I told him I was fed up with having to remember different passwords! He said “you could just use the same password” and I responded with “isn’t that less secure?” And obviously it is. He had to agree.

            I was interested to read your comments on the issues with technology in education in the current circumstances. I know a lot of learning has been lost during this period. For young people not to be able to socially interact in person is of enormous detriment, too. And not just young people. Mental health issues are going through the roof. Anyway, that’s another topic.

            And the thought of being spied on is disturbing, though I’ve no doubt it happens and people must feel very boxed in by that. The lack of privacy and ability to act more autonomously. That ultimately would lead to a lack of confidence as you are being “monitored”. Definitely one of the drawbacks.

            Rather than distract from the lovely weekend you have planned I’ll just say I hope you enjoy/ed it, and it’s nice to give yourself time off from everything, including technology, at times. Look forward to interacting on your return xox

          19. Fiddleress says:

            Also LET, I agree 100% that raising awareness, as the documentary does, is something that must always be done, so kudos to those who made it and explained things so clearly in it. I must have let the pessimistic side of me show when I said those companies have nothing to fear, but the latter doesn’t mean it is useless to let the world know how things are!

          20. Shannah says:

            hii yes im reading . omg good for you that you were able to resist replying. they all seem to know exactly how to lure someone back in so to be able to not give in is truly demonstrates so much inner strength and courage. im sorry you were suffering and i am glad that you are feeling better now. <3

          21. Fiddleress says:

            Thank you Shannah!
            I really think that what gave me this strength was everything I have learnt since last February (when I arrived here), and the interactions with others here. I honestly don’t know if I would have resisted otherwise. I don’t think I would have called my friend (as I did in the end) to let her know I was thinking of texting him. She saw in what state I was a year ago just before I escaped, and I knew she would talk me out of it.

          22. Kristin says:

            Thank you for sharing your story. You are a strong woman and have shown that if you apply HG’s work you can beat the narcissist. I love that you heard his voice! I have told him that I picture him sitting on my shoulder explaining what is going on and keeping my ET low when I have to interact with the narc. Sounds weird but it works for me.

            What a blessing to not only share our successes but to know that should we falter, we can come here for support without judgement of any kind. You are doing great my friend. πŸ’•

          23. Fiddleress says:

            Hello Kristin! Thank you so much, and great to hear from you.
            I can totally understand about managing to keep your ET low thanks to picturing HG telling you what is going on. It’s really good that you have found this way of dealing with your interactions with the N. (I don’t find it weird, but I know what you mean, I almost wrote a disclaimer at the end of my previous post saying that it’s OK, there are not so many people in my head, haha!).
            I hope you are doing well. Sending you virtual hugs, take care xx

          24. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Fiddleress,
            Wow, what a champion you are, you stayed focused ….you should be so proud of yourself
            The power to go against our natural grain is extremely intense and heartbreaking for us internally
            We are “nice” empaths and do what is always polite, heartfelt, correct and right
            We feel for others feelings, we think they feel like we do…..they don’t
            Emotional ties bind us, once you undo that extremely tightly knotted and stubborn tie, you begin to replace and focus loving yourself with beautifully woven adorning ribbons πŸŽ€
            Time to select your colour gorgeous one
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          25. Fiddleress says:

            Ah Bubbles, this is so lovely of you to say what you said! This champion felt like the first emotional sea needed to be crossed all over again, after already crossing the second one a while ago! But the crossing was extra quick this time, I’ve learnt to swim and evade the sharks after all, haha!

            If I get to select the colour of the ribbons, then I have to go for blue, (‘midnight blue’ I think it’s called)!

            Hope everything is going well for you, Bubbles πŸ™‚

          26. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Fiddleress,
            Your journey of loving yourself more has begun
            Saying ‘no’ gets easy too
            There will always be sharks out there, it’s THEIR ocean ! 🦈
            Midnight blue is a stunning strong colour, it symbolises importance, confidence, power and authority ……..wear it proudly lovely one πŸ’™
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

            Ps I prefer swimming pools haha

          27. Fiddleress says:

            Wow, Bubbles, I had no idea that shade of blue symbolised these. I’ll just tell myself that these are my “true colours” but they’ve just been hiding away all this time!
            Is there a colour you particularly like?

    2. Leigh says:

      Welcome Shannah, this is best place to learn about narcissism. Mr. Tudor is an amazing teacher. We are all beyond grateful to him.

      Stay, read and learn. This site will give you the understanding and clarity that you need

      There are so many survivors of narcissist abuse here. We all get it and we are all here to support one another.

      1. Shannah says:

        thank you so much Leigh!

    3. Kristin says:

      Happy to see you here Shanna! You couldn’t be in a better place so just take it one day at a time and know you are in good company.

      1. Shannah says:

        aw thank you, Kristin!!

    4. Kelli Embrescia says:

      Shannah Hey you arent alone. I concur with lickemtomorrow, keep studying HGs work as you are now subject to a hoover and things will seem like such a perfect love that is meant and you just have to forgive. Dont fall for it, keep moving forward. I fell for the same then finally went no contact and no contact hurt so much that I delt like dying most days BUT fast forward to now and Im completely over him and rarely even think about him anymore. So in time it does get easier I 100% promise as long as theres no contact. Sending love and hugs and strength vibes to you. Stay strong.

  3. Asp Emp says:

    If one sees words “I need to nothing you”, how should that be interpreted?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      As a need for English lessons.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        That’s true, HG.

      2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        This is why we luv your comments, dry sarcastic wit, but bloody funny πŸ˜‚
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. HG Tudor says:

          And so you should.

    2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dearest Asp Emp,
      That this line comes from Avery talking to Juliette from the series Nashville
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Ah, Bubbles, thank you. I did Google it – young love, eh?

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest Asp Emp,
          So glad I’m past all that young love …. haha
          I had to google it as well ….. much ado about “nothing” really 🀣
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Asp Emp says:

            “much ado about β€œnothing” really”…. laughing

    3. Winning Path says:

      Coming from a narcissist, I would interpret it as meaning that he needs to turn you into nothing (nothing to him, nothing to yourself, nothing to the world at large).

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