10 Years of Knowing the Narcissist : The Future
I have explained that there is still much to convey to you.
Here is your chance to have input into that.
What would you like me to address in the future? What aspects of narcissism and psychopathy would you like me to cover? Is there a burning issue you have that you want me to turn my attention to? Is there a series perhaps that I have not concluded you would want to see finished? Are there ideas you would like me to expand on?
This is your opportunity to tell me what you want me to talk and write about.
For once, you have a narcissistic psychopath listening to you.
Use it well.
237 thoughts on “10 Years of Knowing the Narcissist : The Future”
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To TS and all,
I’m sorry this came across as me trying to bash TS. Thats not what this was about. TS, you were correct that I was deep in this conflict and it was in the forefront on my mind. Although, not for the reasons you believe. This whole thing was very upsetting to me.
I did learn some valuable lessons though. I’ll share more of that in a minute though.
I believe Jordy is a narcissist. TS, I believe your addiction NEEDS me to be the one thats wrong. Otherwise you’d have to reassess your interactions with Jordy and your addiction does not want to do that.
I think NA suggesting that I asked you to compromise your principles is a disservice to you. I think your principles may already be compromised
Mr. Tudor has said on multiple occasions that empaths shouldn’t interact with other empaths who are fully ensnared because it will affect their ET as well. That’s one of the lessons I learned. I dug my heals in deeper and I couldn’t let it go.
I desperately want you to see the truth, TS. Not for me but for you. Another valuable lesson I learned. Its not my responsibility to show you the truth.
I wanted to share this because I believe one of the aims of this blog is to teach us about narcissism and the affects of narcissism. I believe that’s what happened in this scenario.
Hi Leigh,
I’m interested in why you think my principles have been compromised. I have endeavoured to remain out of this conflict responding with my opinion only when asked directly. I have continued my discussions with Jordy across several threads, discussions that others were free to join and often did. I have also continued my discussions with others involved in the conflict.
I am here to learn like everyone else here. If it transpires that Jordy is a narcissist, then that would mean that I was wrong in my estimation of her and I was unknowingly interacting with a narcissist on the blog. That says nothing about my principles and would prove only that I was wrong about another commenter.
I’m ok with being wrong actually. I have been wrong about Tudorscope candidates, many times, and I have a full character profile and clear evidence to go on with those!
Hi TS,
Here’s my thought process. Since you’re further down the path of learning about narcissism, I see it as you as a guide to help newcomers. When you interact with Jordy after she’s denigrated another blogger, I think it causes some confusion for the other blogger. If you don’t see it, maybe they’re wrong as well even though they continue to be denigrated by Jordy.
There are several bloggers on here who’ve had issues with Jordy. AA pointed to several of Jordy’s questionable comments. By calling Jordy unflinchingly honest or rough around the edges, it minimizes what she’s doing.
Based off my perception of you, I believe you want to help empaths in general. I see that as one of your core principles. I think that principle has been compromised because if you downplay Jordy’s behaviors towards other bloggers, are you really helping them?
I see two options, Leigh:
1. Jordyguin is not a narcissist.
If that is the case, you have not taken on board what HG teaches to the point where you are capable of accurately assessing a long-time commenter.
2. Jordyguin is a narcissist.
If that is the case, you have not taken on board what HG teaches to the point of actually following his advice of No Contact. Instead you are keeping the discussion about and with her going, with the repeated excuse of “I only said something because I was upset.”
You are voluntarily entering and re-entering several spheres of influence and giving a narcissist as much fuel as is possible on a blog. You are talking about her constantly whilst repeatedly stating how you are not going to talk about her any more, instead expanding the circle of people you complain to about her, when the only narcissist we talk about here to such an extent ought to be HG.
Whichever option is the correct one, there is a common denominator here.
Yes, talk about me, I’m well worth doing so!
Yes, you are, HG. You are always worth talking to and, as the second-best option, talking about.
AP,
I was talking about Mr. Tudor on the Why I Relish It Thread. Then Jordy sucker punched me by bringing up my home life and narc husband. What does my husband have to do with a conversation about Mr. Tudor. Nothing. Jordy did it because she’s a trouble maker.
This is the shit that pisses me off. You’re suggesting that when Jordy drops a nasty comment and then when I defend myself, I’m the one with the problem. That doesn’t work for me. If Jordy can’t take it, she shouldn’t dish it out.
You’re right, there is a common denominator. Jordy is a shit stirrer and likes to cause chaos. Then runs away and hides.
Hmm…
You can complain about me complaining about Jordy, but I’m not allowed to complain about Jordy’s offensive comments.
Hypocritical much?
As a majority Standard Empath, Leigh is never going to be driven by pure cool hard logic. It’s always going to be filtered through empathy, through emotion and feelings and it’s not going to be as cold and clinical as a non empath or even as an empath of a different majority school who might be able to pull that empathy back more easily.
The way Leigh is managing this situation is very instructive, actually. I expect her questions and comments are resonating with readers who are also primarily empathy and feeling driven and who don’t like an environment where empathy necessarily takes a back seat.
You may not be able to connect with her approach, AP, may not agree with where she’s directing her empathy and you may want to give her what seem like purely logical options for continuing which preclude addressing the problem as she sees it, but she’s already using an available option – an empath option – an option which relies on her many empathic traits – and which has its own strengths. She’s not ensnared, she’s not using emotional thinking. She is using her empathy in a constructive way to deal with a problem.
HG: Mark said he sees you as more of a psychopath than a narcissist. Mark wonders why women follow you and he gives an example of women who write to men in prison. He says it is highly likely you killed someone. He said he was just getting the story and he did not show a flicker of fear or being disturbed. He says they love fear and being disturbed. What’s funny is as a DA when meeting a cartel member who was known as a torturer or killer, I did not feel fear nor was I disturbed. I recall just wanting to do my job but I was curious. I recall feeling a pressure like get out of my way despite his bland monotone responses and he was a small man. It’s odd. Also has resent being a woman who writes love letters to Ted Bundy as equivalent to being a long term me follower of you. I follow you as you are excellent and in my opinion the most accurate in identifying narcissism and psychopathy. It helps me in identifying people in the world and the whys and in work. And in preventing a second encounter personally. Mark says stupid things and I have no doubt from his interviews misinformation will be spread. What a shame.
Hi Contagious, Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the film. I thought their might be a lot of misinformation in it.
Hi AA,
If I’m correct about Jordy, as much as it pains me to say this, technically I’m ensnared. I’m not obeying the first golden rule of freedom. Once you know, you go. Get out, stay out.
Am I trying to be instructive. Yes. But thats my emotional thinking conning me to interact. I might not be interacting directly with Jordy. But I’m talking about her and that’s just as bad
As much as I hate to admit it, I’m being led by my emotional thinking. I’ve known that from the beginning but chose to pursue it anyway.
The reason I said your approach was instructive, Leigh, is because, to me, in the course of your back and forth with TS, your main approach became explaining how you felt. I thought it showed respect for TS because it gave her information and let her decide what to do with it. People aren’t always going to do what we want with the information we give them, but it shows trust and respect to give it to them. That’s the empathic approach, in my opinion.
AA,
Thank you for your further explanation.
You bring up a good point. I did trust TS enough to share the information I had with her. I knew I’d be safe with her and that we could maintain some semblance of civility towards one another. Although sometimes I was less civil than I prefer.
You’re also right that people are going to do what they want with the information they receive. I can’t do anything about that.
Thank you, AA. I appreciate your thoughts here.
Hi Leigh,
Thank you for further explaining your thoughts.
You’re right in that I do try to help newcomers. I will continue to do that to the best of my ability. My comments will resonate with some and not with others. I think that is to be expected and is why I think it is important for readers to view a variety of opinions from a range of commenters.
I have described Jordy as unflinchingly honest yes. She is unafraid to communicate opposing opinions on a range of subject matter that might be described as ‘hot topic’ or controversial. Whilst I might not always agree with her views, I believe she has the right to air them.
I think I could agree with you more if I was actively endorsing Jordy’s “problematic” comments. I have stated previously, if you are asking me if I think Jordy has made provocative comments on the blog, the answer is yes. I have neither endorsed those provocative comments nor have I signalled any agreement. It’s only fair to point out though, Jordy has also been in receipt of plenty of provocative comments. Those comments have been largely passive aggressive in nature, for example, referring to Jordy as ‘he’. That is an identity provocation, passive aggressive, less recognisable, designed to demean. ( I am not referring to Josephina’s honest mistake.) Strangely, no outrage there. I think perhaps readers either don’t pick up on passive aggression, or if they do, they somehow see it as less provocative. It isn’t.
My overall view about other blog commenters is that in this environment, I can only take as I find. In this way I am certain of exactly what I said, the full context and the response received. Yes, Annaamel has provided links to comments. The issue with other people’s links is that I see the comment, if I have time I might read the thread for more context, but I don’t see what was happening on other threads around the time the offending comment was made. I therefore still only have partial context.
Just because I discuss articles about narcissism, psychopathy and empaths with Jordy, (and others) this doesn’t mean I share her every opinion or endorse every comment she makes and vice versa. I would hope most newcomers are able to separate those two aspects for themselves.
Hi TS,
I had wrote another comment to you about how it looks like Jordy’s being ganged up on but it hasn’t been posted yet. I agree that calling someone a “he” is meant to demean. But I don’t feel bad for Jordy. She demeans bloggers every chance she gets. What you put out is what you get back. If she can dish it out, she better be prepared to take it also.
Maybe not having context is part of the problem. Jordy called WN a “he” first. WN was responding to Jordy’s provocation.
I do agree there are a lot of passive aggressive comments flying around. I prefer directness to the point of being blunt. I’ve even called people out on their passive aggressive comments.
I know you have the right to talk to anyone you wish. I just wanted to share how it looks and feels from my point of view.
Hi Leigh,
Yes, I think context is important. I haven’t seen any comment from Jordy referring to WN as “he”. I’d be interested to know what led up to that. Do you have the comment?
I think we can all only respond in a way that feels right to us. On this occasion the approach that feels right to us both just happens to be different.
TS and Leigh,
I’m being mentioned in ways that are incorrect.
As far as this discussion between you two is concerned, I’d prefer to stay out of it. However, if I am being mentioned repeatedly, then I need to correct your inaccuracies for the record.
1. Whenever I have commented to Jordyguin and used the reference ‘he,’ it has been written as the dual and ambiguous ‘he/she’.
In addition, in a comment that’s still in moderation, I have explained openly and transparently why I have sometimes referred to Jordyguin as ‘he/she’. It has nothing to do with being passive aggressive. Nor was there anything demeaning about it. It has everything to do with receiving a distinct impression from the tone and wording in some of Jordyguin’s comments.
2. The accusation by TS that I’m being passive aggressive while she has stonewalled me and given me the silent treatment for about five years is simply laughable.
There has never been any kind of ‘agreement’ between TS and me that would require ‘no contact’ between us. If TS regards it a “breach” to either comment to me or about me in the absence of an agreement, then what is the “breach” based on? It sounds like it’s based on whatever is going on in her own mind.
3. The references to “free speech” in the comments under this post and elsewhere are also laughable. Some of my comments have been censored, or never published at all, or published long after they were first written.
If the accusation of ‘passive aggressive’ is being thrown around, what do you think the silence of other commenters looks like to me?
Again, I’m saying this to correct some of the things said here about me. Otherwise, I’d prefer to stay out of your discussion.
I think I have to eat my words, TS. I can’t find the comment where Jordy questions WN’s gender. I may be mis-remembering. This isn’t about WN though.
I’ve been thinking about the empathy cake lately. When Paul called his coworker “Babs” he was just sharing his point of view. One could even say it was unflinchingly honest. It still lacked empathy though and it was also unnecessary.
When I was talking about Mr. Tudor and Jordy brought up my home life it might have been unflinchingly honest, but it also lacked empathy, was unkind and unnecessary. That’s it. Can’t we just call it like it is?
WN,
I completely understand why you’re upset. I apologize. I know you’ve asked me before as well. Unfortunately I saw this comment after I responded to TS’s comment. Going forward, I’ll respect your wishes.
1. That would be far more convincing if the same passive aggressive identity provocation had not been used against another commenter previously.
https://narcsite.com/2021/06/07/what-goes-on-below-16/#comment-408552
2. Stonewalling is incorrect.
I implemented Full No Contact five years ago based on repeated behaviours I witnessed on the blog. For clarification to newer readers, there is no requirement to announce or explain a decision to implement No Contact, quite the opposite in fact. An empath announcing her intention to implement No Contact goes against HG’s advice, as by doing so, she risks the Grand Hoover.
3. Implementing Full No Contact means the empath does not interact with the individual either directly OR indirectly. This means not responding to the individual but also not making any reference to the individual or discussing the individual with others. To do so raises ET and invites the arrival of the Devil’s Pitchfork. Since implementing No Contact five years ago, I have been indirectly in breach of No Contact only twice prior to this conflict. Post this conflict I now stand at a total of six breaches, five indirect, one direct.
I will endeavour not to make it seven.
For further clarification, I also implemented No Contact with AV as a result of a dispute where unfortunately there was no further possibility of resolution. I have a great deal of respect for AV. On this occasion I did clearly announce my intention to implement No Contact and unsurprisingly, given her empath status, this decision has been mutually respected. In addition, on the rare occasion AV has addressed a comment to me, I have responded. I will continue to do so should AV wish to address me again in future. As such, this agreement more closely resembles Almost No Contact.
Since arriving on the blog (seven years ago?) these are the only two instances where I decided that No Contact (or ANC in the case with AV) was the best option for me.
To all,
For clarification, because inaccuracies do not sit well with me, since TS imposed NC with me, I have not once addressed her. I do not now. I did not in my recent comment regarding our previous falling out. I only made that comment so newer people would better be able to understand the big picture. I do not know if it was needed or if it helped anyone to know this but that is irrelevant.
Thank you HG for ending the recent conflict.
Thank you, Anna P, Truthseeker, and NarcAngel, for your contributions and for the help they have given me.
I must admit that I am far more emotionally led than the three of you, something undoubtedly amplified by my Geyser traits.
Whenever I read your calm, measured responses, they have a grounding effect on me. They prompt me to reassess my own and recognise where Emotional Thinking has led me away from objectivity.
Perhaps the greatest lesson for me is recognising that, when Emotional Thinking takes over, I can temporarily become the very thing I am criticising. I become too personal, too combative, and lose sight of the distinction between challenging an argument and challenging a person.
Thank you very much for continuing to set the example I aspire to follow.
Jordyguin,
You are very kind to say that and I appreciate it very much. HG, for one, can attest to the fact that I do occasionally respond in a manner that is not so calm and measured. It is far easier when you are not personally engaged as one of the main parties.
Distinguishing between challenging an argument and challenging a person is an excellent way of putting it, something to remind ourselves every time. It becomes even more difficult when the arguments are not processed on the same level.
A rather striking demonstration of paternalism, entitlement, and grandiosity in action.
Annaamel’s statement to HG:
“But I will encourage you to stop and pause, because it does seem to me that you currently have the perspective you need to see what you are doing clearly. When I listen to your video atop this comment section, I see you portraying yourself as a victim (yes, a victim) of censorship, grandiosely telling his audience not to fear because you are going to be a champion of free speech and together you can all ride into the future to do battle with those who seek to bring good folk down. I cannot imagine you would post a video or message like this if you were coming at this from the position of the Ultra with all the composure and dignity that the Ultra possesses….
So I urge you to take whatever time you need to marshal all of your inner resources. Don’t publish any major statements to your your loyal followers and the public until you feel you once again have all the skills and awareness and control that is your norm. This is not only the HG that you have worked hard to become but who so many have come to appreciate so much.”
https://narcsite.com/2022/08/28/a-further-important-message-from-hg-tudor/comment-page-1/#comment-435100
What struck me most is not the criticism itself. Criticism is perfectly legitimate. What strikes me is the role reversal.
You tell HG that he lacks perspective, composure, awareness, judgement, and control. You urge him not to make public statements until he has regained those qualities. In effect, you assume the authority to determine whether he is psychologically fit to address his audience.
That goes well beyond debating ideas. It becomes: “I know your current psychological state better than you do.” That is a remarkably paternalistic position to adopt.
1. Paternalism
“But I will encourage you to stop and pause…”
This is not merely disagreement. It is the assumption of authority over another person’s judgement.
Rather than saying, “I disagree with your conclusions,” Annaamel positions herself as someone qualified to tell HG when he should stop, pause, and refrain from speaking.
2. Mind-reading
“…because it does seem to me that you currently have the perspective you need to see what you are doing clearly.”
This is not a critique of an idea. It is a claim to know HG’s internal psychological state better than he does himself.
3. Presumption of authority
“Don’t publish any major statements… until you feel you once again have all the skills, awareness, and control that is your norm.”
Here the role reversal becomes complete.
Annaamel no longer debates HG’s argument. Instead, she appoints herself as the evaluator of whether he currently possesses sufficient awareness, composure, judgement, and control to address his audience.
4. Appeal to identity and reputation
“This is not only the HG that you have worked hard to become but who so many have come to appreciate…”
Instead of examining the substance of HG’s argument, the discussion shifts towards his identity and the expectations of his audience.
The implication is no longer:
“I think this argument is mistaken.”
It becomes:
“You should not communicate publicly until you once again become the version of yourself I believe you ought to be.”
5. Epistemic authority
The most striking aspect is that she implicitly assumes the authority to evaluate his internal psychological condition.
She is not merely saying:
“I think you are mistaken.”
She is effectively saying:
“I know what psychological state you are currently in, and I know better than you whether you are fit to continue addressing your audience.”
That is an extraordinary position to adopt.
Rather than engaging with HG’s reasoning, Annaamel repeatedly assumes the authority to assess his emotional state, self-awareness, judgement, perspective, composure, and readiness to communicate publicly. The communication itself displays a consistent pattern of: paternalism; presumption of superior judgement; role reversal; and an implicit positioning of oneself above the person being criticised.
Ironically, for someone describing her analysis as “logical and clear-eyed”, there is remarkably little engagement with the substance of HG’s actual argument. Instead, the emphasis falls upon judging HG’s psychological state rather than addressing his reasoning.
To me, this is not an isolated incident but a recurring pattern in Annaamel’s communication.
What she presents as a logical, detached, and unemotional assessment frequently shifts away from engaging with another person’s arguments and towards making judgements about their character, motives, or psychological state.
The pattern itself is noteworthy.
Whilst claiming to value debate, Annaamel repeatedly shifts the focus away from the substance of another person’s arguments and onto their character.
Interesting points there, Jordyguin. Amusingly, on the page of the comment you refer to there was also another commenter fiercely defending freedom of speech in relation to Youtube’s suppression of HG’s channel. If memory serves, the same person was among several who were complaining, some time after this comment, that they were being made to feel terribly uncomfortable on the blog because other people were having a bit of a debate, i.e. trying to guilt other people into staying silent so they can have their “safe space”. Not so much of a fan of freedom of speech after all.
TS
You telling me that I’m not actually being bullied and I only FEEL like I’m being bullied, is you blaming the target again. Where’s the perpetrator’s responsibility in all this? I know. She has no responsibility in this because she’s not bullying me. I can’t keep explaining myself. I’m tapping out. I won’t respond to anymore comments on this subject.
How is it that expressing the opinion that you are in denial about your own emotional thinking in relation to your personal circumstances is labelled as bullying…
…whilst you and two others engage in what could reasonably be described as a smear campaign that has continued for six months, and in reality even longer?
Is it because, in your view, I am not permitted to hold an evidence-based opinion that WN is a narcissist…
…whereas you were perfectly entitled to form and express the very same impression?
Dear Mr Tudor,
Why has paedophilia surged in numbers and become such a huge problem?
Why are the powers that be turning a blind eye ?
Many thanks
Hello Bubbles:
I have asked HG for years to address this subject especially after Sound of Freedom and I learned how the internet has caused an explosion against Gods children. To me, it is the most important topic on planet Earth. I hope he does someday….and it has been proven that some psychopaths do engage in this so not off topic.
Dear Contagious,
I believe anyone who engages, are “psychos” and “sickos”, and those who “do nothing” are that way inclined themselves. From my perspective, most “big players” with money, use it for power, control and corruption to satisfy their egotistical, narcissistic and kinky needs. They do not deserve the “elite” status. They are literally criminals who avoid tax! The more money they get, the sicker (in the head) they get !
What really shocks me, the “women” in Parliament who say nothing and do nothing in relation to this. Why are they continuing to allow illegals into our countries who are the perpetrators? Why aren’t they defending the rights of children? Why has the justice system and police let us down ? (I know they’ve all been given orders from the ladder of power)
Forced and underaged marriages have occurred in Australia, 118, 2024-2025 up from 91 the previous year! How is this allowed and not investigated?
I thought “all citizens” were protected (under their constitutions) by their govts from invasion !!! Appears not ! What rights do we have ???
Just because some highfalutin “wackos” sat around a table (probably high as a kite) ) and brainstormed some psycho barbaric ideas, doesn’t mean these piss weak heads of govt should comply because they are being held to ransom!!
How about NOOOOOOOOO !!!!! ?????
The deeper you delve Contagious, the darker it gets, believe me ! Why haven’t they released the Epstein files without being redacted ? Hmmmmmm ????
The world right now is “cooked” and has gone way beyond the bounds of decency.
Look up “Taharrush”, it’s already happening in the west ! Absolutely horrific !
Hello Bubbles:
You are brave and right!
I will look it up but Trump hurt himself and his party by not releasing those tapes. I have not forgot. Next election, many will remember.
I didn’t know much about pedophiles so I read the FBI files, watched educational videos and it comes down to 3-4 reasons.
1. Born with a fucked brain so that you are only attracted to children. BUT you are aware and you can avoid harming them and MANY take steps to do so.
2. I cannot recall the word but it’s basically a sex addict who wants to try everything… animals, kids various sexes, etc…
3. Psychopaths: They are curious the way they are curious about torturing a pet. They don’t care.
4. Sadists
It’s a small percent but pedophiles are world wide every religion, every class but while there are a tiny slice of women mostly men while the children can be boys or girls.
I also think that some cultures and religions subjugate women and abuse them and many of the women have cultural Stockholm syndrome where they support it. Personally I find burkas dangerous as you can’t identify a face or a concealed weapon. Personally although I believe in freedom of religion, I think they should be banned and many cultures do. Even nuns don’t cover their faces. Face coverings are wrong in general in my opinion. Not safe. I see a man in a ski mask, I run. I literally jumped back at a coffee shop in London when a woman covered head to hands, yes even gloves was behind me in line. I thought assassin. I know wild imagination but I don’t see it as safe. There are only 4 democracies in Muslim nations most are hell holes orobably due to the oppression and the 4 that exist are questionable democracies at best- that’s why they run to other places, they live in hell. But leave it then behind or what didn’t work when moving to another culture.
Back to pedophilia- what saddens me it is often poor, vulnerable children at risk whether it is the poor boys of Afghanistan who become a “ dancing boy” to some military freak or the Slavic countries Epstein and his French co-conspirator haunted looking for pretty poor vulnerable children or the missing children of Mexico or as Sound of Freedom shows Columbia but it is world wide and the internet has exploded it.
Children are not rich powerful sources of donations which is why their voices don’t get enough protection but to me, they are the worlds greatest resources and need us the most. Gods children are not for sale!!!!
This topic of pedophilia has not been addressed by HG…. Yet.
Hello Bubbles,
I do not have the evidence but would guess it may have always been a huge problem, it’s just more people are aware of it now, ‘because innernets’ and perhaps enough of a shift in consciousness to pay more attention to reports of it.
If numbers *have* risen significantly, that’s probably ‘because innernets’ too. The mind addling material available on Porn Hub is but one example.
Just as an aside, on the matter of the internet and sexual proclivities: I once complained to the NHS Trust in Sussex because a male nurse was LARPING as a female nurse, in charge of a ward of females with psychological issues, several of whom had suffered abuse from men. This bloke calls himself Rachel. I had his surname and looked him up. He had an account on Tumblr, so I observed his rise to Womandom over the years.
First, he was a tattooed-up baldy bruiser, then appeared at a fancy dress party in drag.
What was his costume, you may ask? Why, a nurse outfit!
Eventually he morphed into full time drag and BECAME that female-styled nurse. A ward manager, no less.
I mention it because the rabbit hole I fell down on Tumblr was toe curling. Clicking on some of his mates, some of whom were middle-aged/senior pervs in drag and some of the media they published was vile. Some was available on Porn Hub. I doubt they’d be able to publish it on Tumblr now, I dunno, but alongside Contagious’ remark about the web:
Is it the web triggering a ‘cancerous spread’ of degenerative sexual behaviours in society – monkey see, monkey do – or is the web serving to reveal it, thus bringing the same amount of paedophilia, into public awareness?
Eg, after watching a certain channel on YouTube at times, which gives a space to Skid Row residents and others to talk about their lives, addictions, childhood experiences or sometimes meth pscyhosis babble, it sheds light on the rampant child sexual abuse occurring in the foster system in the USA. I didn’t even give the US foster system a second thought until I heard the subjects repeatedly talking about it on there. My main question is, will consciousness shift enough for paedophilia to be a thing of the past, or become rarer, or will some humans be too hardwired and ‘broken’ to stop? Which brings the bigger question to my mind, which is generally WTAF?
But sometimes questions get in the way of what’s in front of us and under our noses. Do we need to know the whys and wherefores re: paedophillia or do we just need to be more like Contagious and act on that primal and empathic sense of protection for children in vulnerable circumstances? Things often need to come up and out before the clean up can occur.
Just to close, guess who got threatened with the police/arrest by the NHS Trust Sussex after my complaint about a man pretending to be female and running a hospital ward of vulnerable females? Clue: not ‘Nurse Rachel’, even though the complaint was not abusive but perhaps a bit emotive, including links to some of his less than salubrious Tumblr pics? Soz this went off topic, but the level of degradation available online for free, probably does encourage all manner or horrible sexual behaviours being ‘OK’d’. Sadly there seems to be a lot of money in exploiting children. I bet that’s a major link in the chain that needs breaking somehow.
It would appear that I am now to be labelled as toxic through defending Jordy, who in turn has been labelled a bully. I would like to respond, as I reject the label of “toxic” and am not in the habit of routinely defending bullies.
Firstly, to suggest that I am defending Jordy in this conflict is highly questionable. I was asked directly to comment on my ongoing interactions with Jordy as her behaviour was seen by some as abusive. I responded to the contrary. I then further responded to additional questions from Leigh, Annaamel and a statement from AV. This was in December, I have neither participated in the conflict since then, nor have I made a single negative comment about, or even challenged the views held by Annaamel, Leigh and AV.
If I am defending Jordy, then apparently I’m not very good at it.
It should be noted that I have been involved in lengthy conversations with Jordy on several threads totally unrelated to the conflict. I have no reason to exclude Jordy. I do not see these conversations as my defending her. I see them for what they are, interesting conversations. I have also interacted with Leigh, again in a conversation unrelated to the current conflict. I saw no reason to curb my interactions with Leigh either.
I have not commented about the conflict up until the comment on this thread a week ago where I raised a concern with Jordy and in addition, asked that long term bloggers in general prioritise the blog environment as it pertains to new arrivals. Not an unreasonable request, but one other commenters might reasonably have different views on.
Secondly, if I am to be accused of defending a bully it makes sense to look at what exactly constitutes bullying as I think it merits further examination.
The definitions used by schools, workplaces and psychologists are actually very similar. Bullying is said to have three core features.
1. Repetition. Bullying must happen repeatedly over an extended period of time and be a sustained pattern of behaviour.
2. Intent to harm, intimidate or dominate. The behaviour is aimed at causing distress, humiliation, exclusion, or fear. The goal is most often to establish power or control rather than to explore or resolve an issue.
3. Power imbalance. This is often overlooked. One person has some form of advantage: social status, authority, popularity, group support or simply, outnumbering the other person.
As per this widely used definition, power is the key feature and Jordy does not satisfy the criteria for being labelled a bully in my view. Without a power imbalance, we are far more likely to be witnessing mutual conflict rather than bullying. This is very much what I see happening currently, a conflict loop.
I disagree with the labelling of Jordy as a bully.
I disagree with being described as toxic and regard it as an insult.
Whilst I do not accept that bullying occurs on the blog, I will say that when people are involved in a period of sustained conflict I think it can FEEL to them like they are being bullied. Feeling something does not automatically make it true. The golden period FEELS genuine, but is not. This does not mean that I think those feelings should be dismissed, I believe they are valid. Conflict can be upsetting for all those involved and I find it painful to watch, but I also think it is damaging to apply labels to people when those labels are unsubstantiated.
Using power balance as an excuse is emotional thinking. You’re blaming the targets for “feeling” a type of way instead of blaming the actual aggressor.
I know you needed to defend yourself but I can’t keep doing this. I need to tap out.
TS
Your history of relentless decency and inclusion on this blog is substantial and requires no defence on your part. Attempts to have you compromise your principles to adapt to “group think” is regrettable and signifies extreme emotional thinking on the part of those who would demand it of you.
NA,
I’m not asking her to compromise her principles. If you actually read the thread, you’d know that.
My issue is with TS blaming me for holding onto this conflict for 6 months when it was Jordy who came for me and I actually ignored her. Jordy reopened this conflict, not me.
Just like TS can do whatever she wants, it’s also my right to say I’ll no longer participate in that dynamic.
NA
Thank you. Your comment means a lot to me.
You’re insulted and so am I.
Jordy made an unprovoked attack at me on the Why I Relish It thread. I ignored it. Then on this thread you say to me that I’ve held onto this conflict for 6 months. That was insulting to me because Jordy is who reopened this conflict, not me.
TS: Bullying is wrong. When my son was a child at elementary school, he stood up to a bully. Some white rich kids were picking on a poor black boy and my always a marine son quashed it. My son is 1/2 Cuban. Looks like his nice daddy. The principal called him in to give him an award with me present. While I was there this audacious man asked my son if he identified as black!!! I would have snapped his neck but my son age 8 or 9 said it best: I am brown. Cuban. But I relate to black people. My President is black. And to bully black people is an assault on my President. Tears come to my eyes as I write this of sadness and pride. My son became a marine served in Afghanistan and Iraq. He was bombed in Iraq. He lost fellow friends. To me, bullying is disgusting. And I don’t direct this at Jordy or any person. . We must turn our attention to real fucking life matters and STOP bickering among ourselves. Life is hard. 80% of homicides in the USA are about someone you know. 80%. 4 million children are abused a year. Get a grip. Fight the real fight! Get your fucking swords up and let’s educate ourselves on what matters!!!!!! The more we learn. The more we protect ourselves others and children. I challenge each and everyone of you to put a child first before anything including your own grievances against each other ! WTF? Let’s join together and focus on the topic! With all my heart and soul, I mean this! X
Hi Contagious,
I agree, bullying is wrong. That’s exactly why I had to respond to the suggestion I was defending a bully.
My daughter was bullied, or rather, was targeted by a bullying operation. A group of boys in her sixth form set up a TikTok account, on it they posted images and ‘secrets’ about various targets. They then posted follow up content with memes depicting the reaction of the target to the first Tik Tok video. At the end of the videos they would pan round the common room and ask “Who is next?” People could message the Tik Tok account with who they wanted to be targeted, together with the gossip about them. Everyone knew who was running the account. No one dared report it. Seeing the success of the account, the year below set one up for their year too.
My daughter was distraught watching the number of views go up on her videos. She was targeted three times. This then fed in to her social anxiety to the point where some days she couldn’t face going in. To add insult to injury, her ex narc boyfriend was in most of her lessons as they had chosen two of the same subjects. He did what narcs do, hoovered, smeared, hoovered some more. Of course he was a part of the bullying operation. He was feeding them the ‘secrets’ about my daughter. She had two years of his narc bullshittery with no way to avoid him. Fortunately, she finished her exams three weeks ago (like me, she suffers from exam anxiety) and doesn’t need to set foot in there again. We are working on the residual anxiety, removing the stressor isn’t an instant fix, she is still a shadow of her former self.
She reported the account to the school the week before she left. Both accounts are now closed. I expect it’s only a matter of time before another account is created.
I never sought revenge with my own narcs. I can guarantee that now she is out, revenge will be exacted on hers. At every, single, opportunity.
You know… when your family is threatened… … just tell the parents of the bullies that you will take every dime of equity out of their home if it happens again. I have found this to be better than threats of violence. And oh…. I would do it. No tolerance for bullies…
Hi Contagious,
I love this, a non- violent, yet extremely effective, resolution to a tough situation. Thank you for posting it.
Dear Contagious and truth,
I’ve been bullied all my life! One, because my parents were divorced, two, because I had an ethnic dad ! My last job, I was bullied by two horrendous narcissist bosses for being “too nice” and because I got on with everyone.
Another job was in the govt, the dept head told me to stop smiling so much! 😁
All our kids were bullied at school (from kindy onwards) and all teachers did nothing, except protect the perpetrator. I stood up for all my kids !
Bullying always has, always is and always will be…….now, it’s “just because” and for any made up reason !
Like I said Bubbles… profit from it monetarily. If I knew you… I would write a demand letter, either cease and desist or be prepared to make me and my client VERY RICH! Bullying is a tort. You can sue and recover nicely.
Dear Contagious,
I’ve never liked the education system when I went to school, I still don’t), I asked too many questions (I still do haha) and they didn’t like it. Basically, they want you to shut up, do as your told and not question the system. Even at uni, I asked too many questions. I had to because of that giant puzzle involving narcs in my life.
The empath, always searching for answers haha
I had another dept head, he tried to look down my dress at a Xmas party with both my hands full. I whacked him across his shoulders in front of everyone, (they all saw it), however he made my working existence hell after that. He became Chief of Police (vile human being)! It’s ironic because at the time, the Sex Discrimination Board was under our umbrella, they did nothing because of who he was. I ended up leaving over stress. Thankfully, I was in the union and got a little compensation. Not much.
I wish I had known you then Contagious hehe
If I had a child “today”, I would home school them, no if’s or butts.
Mr Tudor’s works would definitely be included !!!! Hehe
Hey Bubbles,
That’s really tough, to have all of your kids go through that. I agree teachers often make the situation worse, not better. My two recounted many instances of that happening to kids in school.
My son, never got bullied. He was always small for his age but has a very cheeky and quick sense of humour. That saved him. He’s over six feet now but he only really grew in sixth form. (18-19)
My daughter escaped bullying also. Different approach, could slay her opponent with words. No opponent was too difficult, so if they came for her they were going to be royally shamed in the process! That held until the narc. He drained her confidence and with that her ability to generate the killer pithy remark. Once she lost her armour she was wide open. She retreated further and further inside herself. Now that she is out of that environment, hanging out with me (she’s my best girl friend) bit by bit she’s starting to re emerge, but it’s a slow process. Small targets, little nudges, calm, a lot of talking and focus on rebuilding that confidence. It’s there, she never lost it, it was just inaccessible to her, kind of buried.
To imagine that process with both kids, that would be a lot. I live it with her. I’m both thankful for and drained by my Contagion aspect but it does enable me to pinpoint where she is emotionally. I see that aspect of my make up as a real blessing, tiring, but I would never want to be without it.
Dearest truth,
Many times, the teacher was at fault! I caught them out !
All the school bullies ended up adult bullies ! Surprise not !!!
Your daughter is so lucky to have you. So many of us get caught and sucked in by a narc, it certainly is life changing.
The thing is, we could so easily repeat it. I’m aware I’m easily drawn because they have this certain pull. We see ourselves because they mirror us and of course, we like what we see, who wouldn’t ? Haha
Sadly, our son is still going down that spiral. He reluctantly visited me the other day because he wanted something. Didn’t ask after his dad, was nervous, on guard and on edge. He’s not the same beautiful soul anymore, he’s been conditioned by his narc. It really shows! Now he has what he came for, I doubt we’ll see him again! So sad !
Everyone I know and meet goes thru the mandatory Tudor checklist haha
Hey Bubbles,
Thank you, I’m incredibly lucky to have my girl, and my boy. Funnily enough my son’s girlfriend is really lovely and I now hang out with her too. We went to the gym together this morning, had a really nice time just chatting and doing our workouts, quick coffee afterwards, little snackette!
I’m so sorry that you can see the deterioration in your son. It’s true, it’s really visible when you look at them. Don’t lose hope. I think he likely is the same beautiful soul, but it’s like they are just out of reach, that light dims and feels a long way in, that doesn’t mean it isn’t still there though. It takes a while to get them going, then suddenly you hear that same tone in the laugh or catch the mischievous look in the eyes and you realise, this is just time, it will just take time.
I know Mr Bubbles hasn’t been well so I know time isn’t in inexhaustible supply, but we also know what happens in the dynamic with the narcissist. Devaluation might speed up realisation. I truly hope so. Be ready. 😘
Dear Bubbles, I am so sorry to hear of your being bullied. Apart from my home life, I was bullied for one school year, we moved 10 times before I was 12, and it was the worst year of my life for a very long time. I learned some useful things from it, I have come to believe everything happens for a purpose, but, I’ve also wondered why we can’t learn some of these lessons in less painful ways. So sorry to read of your experiences.
HG,
How do you think this conflict should be resolved?
Through cold logic? Reason? Empathy?
When they gang up on me, that is one thing. But when they turn on Truthseeker, that is where I reach my limit.
How would you like to see us move forward from here?
What, in your view, is the best way of resolving this situation?
I have allowed all parties to articulate their views and positions as this is a place which allows those who ordinarily might be silenced, a place where they feel able to share their thoughts, views and opinions.
What is clear is that those involved in the discussion have entrenched positions and I do not see the parties convincing one another to alter their position. I am of the firm view that the discussion has run its course and is now entering “tennis match” territory, where nothing new is being advanced and it is just a case of people responding to one another.
I am drawing an end to it now and therefore commentators should refrain from further responses or observations and focus on discussing other topics.
I would like to make one thing very clear for anybody who is new to this blog. This dispute should not be taken at face value, because there is someone involved who has chosen for years not to follow HG’s advice to get out and stay out. A person who deliberately ignores this most fundamental element and continues to live with a narcissist will not be able to achieve a state of low emotional thinking and low or no stress. Therefore she should not be taken as a trustworthy source of counsel in these matters, as has been proven by the different comments throughout the course of this discussion.
Mr. Tudor,
I know I can be a dog with a bone sometimes. Thank you for giving me the freedom to express myself. I really do appreciate it.
Message received.
Over and out.
“A newcomer in June ’23?”
I discovered HG in summer 2022 and began both my education and my participation in the comments. HG once answered a question about newcomers, explaining that anyone with less than a year of education is considered a newcomer.
That said, all of you refer to Josephina as a newcomer. However, she herself wrote that she had been reading the blog for four years before she began commenting in 2025.
She presented as a newcomer because of the nature of her comments. For example, she was unaware of the distinction between the Ultra and the Greater(s), along with a few other minor points, which led everyone to assume she was entirely new. She later explained that this was due to the language barrier.
Again, when we turn to the evidence, it is remarkable how you attempt to present the situation despite the readily available facts.
I am grateful that Josephina clarified the matter herself and, at the very least, pointed out why she had stayed away from commenting. I also remember her mentioning that she generally avoids participating in forums and blogs, so once again the situation is now being presented somewhat differently.
(That comment is also available, should proof be required.)
But hey, accuracy no longer seems to matter at this point.
Jordy my friend:
Please let it all go. I am here to learn from smart bloggers and HG how to sharpen the mind and sword against those who harm society. 80% of murders are against those you know. To be honest, I could be one. You never know. My ex after two years has escalated to smearing me online with a song. I was sent it by someone who knows him. And is a man of God and was concerned. My ex narc had never focused on anyone else for over 12 years. He has made so many death threats I lost count. It’s not a good sign that he still lives in simmering hate. In the past police got involved after he was locked up for mental illness out of a fight with his mum. England called me in California to offer support. I feel relatively safe 6000 miles away and with guns and a ex marine and ufc/ boxer in the house. But how many women can say thus? 4 million children are abused each year. My GOD, there is an important issue in front of us and no one should ever be speaking g about she said this or she said that. Please there is a troubling world out there. I ask each and everyone of you to put empath swords up! Light is the only thing that conquers darkness and let’s help each other help each other, others and whoever we can to make this better world!
Next time you resound to what you feel us bullying, ask yourself like my 8 year old school kid did when he fought racial bullies, is there a greater purpose TO OTHERS ? Please? I miss your minds. I miss your greatness. I want it directed to what truly matters. Let’s try to educate ourselves to help the children! And my friends you never know…
Contagious,
letting it all go does not help us get to the truth and most certainly does not sharpen our minds. Debate based on facts and going to the evidence does, which is what Jordy is doing. Just as you would in court to win your case, she is presenting evidence to support her opinion. That is perfectly legitimate, no matter whether her opinion is a popular one or not. You wouldn’t tell your clients to let it all go either when they are accused of something.
Having such discussions is part of educating us.
As we have seen clearly in this jumble Anna, and as HG teaches, “truth” varies substantially based on each person’s perspective.
I have thought that might be why HG permits the endlessness of it and I guess I can just read something else. I just miss the days where all these voices were focused on something else Anna. And by the way, the best lawyers settle their cases:) Not that I stand a chance here as I have no power, no ability, there are no rules of law or motions to file or discovery to do or therefore an ability to resolve. Sigh. All I have is an authentic deep heart felt wish that we could just talk about some meaty topic and all join in in that way… my best always Anna!
Wouldn’t that be something, Contagious, if HG made us file our comments here as Motions to Dismiss when we do not like a comment, or ask for a Writ of Certiorari, and Chief Justice HG Tudor would decide whether to take up the case or not! Actually, that is not too far from what we are doing…..
But Annaamel, you forgot to post the following links:
1. The one where your apparent empathy misfires and Leigh is not impressed with your fake help, telling you how insensitive you are. Leigh almost wrote the very same thing, namely that you came across as: “Someone who struggles to put themselves in others’ shoes to see how their comments would be felt.”
2. The links to the comments where you drop your poison into vulnerable readers’ ears, smearing other readers who are supportive of HG by calling them his lieutenants.
3. The links to the comments where you team up with WN in doing so.
4. And my favourite, the link where HG himself calls you out for doing it.
By the way, on this article, and on the others celebrating 10 Years Knowing the Narcissist, *The Blog*, *The Articles*, and *The Future*…
Where are your comments?
Where are you congratulating HG?
Where are you expressing gratitude?
Where are you showing support for HG and his work?
***Nowhere.***
You don’t give a damn. Your one and only concern has always been yourself and your facade.
“Oh, I believe I was classified into the wrong category of empath! HG, if you post another article on Contagions, I will take over and talk about myself and how I experience it all, so you can reassess me publicly.”
If I had to classify you, I would say you are a master of indirect aggression disguised as compassion.
A jellyfish in an angel costume.
More comfortable recruiting allies than facing your opponent directly.
Brave only through other people.
Never the one to step into the ring alone.
TS,
I believe that Jordy is a bully and targets me. This latest conflict isn’t because she targets me because I know that’s what bullies do. Its because I see you as continuing to minimize her bullying behaviors. I can’t change your actions. I can only change my own. I didn’t want to ignore you but saying something has caused another conflict and I don’t want to do that either. I think it’s best that we no longer interact and that’s the approach I’ll be taking.
“I’m not the provocateur here. Open your eyes.”
This comes from a person who, out of nowhere, called one of HG’s interviewers “full of shit” and a narcissist on the basis of a single interview, despite it being a pleasant and respectful exchange.
It simply did not fit your understanding, and whatever empathy you claim to possess for a person who had never done anything to you disappeared instantly.
When I challenged you about it, your response was, deal with it:
“This is my opinion. Not a nice one, but still my opinion.”
Yet when I challenge you about your own double standards, you suddenly invent an entirely different set of criteria in order to present yourself in a favourable light, despite behaving in a manner that is not empathic at all.
Jordyguin and Leigh,
“This comes from a person who, out of nowhere, called one of HG’s interviewers “full of shit” and a narcissist on the basis of a single interview, despite it being a pleasant and respectful exchange.”
I remember the interviewer in this instance. Leigh wasn’t the only one who thought the interviewer was insincere and questionable. I thought she was too, based on ‘evidence’ in relation to the subject matter she claimed to know well.
The interview may have seemed to some to have been a pleasant and respectful exchange. This doesn’t automatically mean the interviewer was trustworthy or that she knew her subject matter in a well-informed or well-intentioned way.
Also, people can have empathy and still have an opinion that may be negative. Having empathy doesn’t automatically mean you agree with, or condone, what someone is saying or doing.
I’d like to ask you two questions, Jordyguin:
1. Why do you repeatedly dredge up the past? and
2. Why are you so antagonistic with the same people over and over again?
“This doesn’t automatically mean the interviewer was trustworthy or that she knew her subject matter in a well-informed or well-intentioned way.”
Nor does it automatically mean she was “full of shit” or a narcissist.
Your concern was simply that she did not share your views on astrology. That was all.
“Also, people can have empathy and still have an opinion that may be negative. Having empathy doesn’t automatically mean you agree with, or condone, what someone is saying or doing.”
Double standards.
You and your pals are allowed to hold negative opinions. Others are not.
“2. Why are you so antagonistic with the same people over and over again?”
This comes from someone who repeatedly calls me “he”, despite my having told you on numerous occasions that I am female 😂
“1. Why do you repeatedly dredge up the past?”
You need to learn to examine the evidence before opening your foul mouth.
It was Susan (“this autistic…” – a reference to the past), Leigh (claiming Josephina left because of JG – a blatant falsehood), AV, and AA who brought up the past first. That then forces me to revisit the past in order to correct the distortions they create.
It is an utterly pointless exercise.
Even Leigh wrote this about WN (in the thread Truthseeker linked), once again demonstrating just how hypocritical and contrarian Leigh can be:
“At first I felt bad that WN felt like she was being victimized. After reading through this thread though, I see red flags flying everywhere. I’ve seen her be argumentative before too. I gave her the benefit of the doubt though because she seemed kind to others. My antennae are up now though.”
Yet when I pointed out exactly the same thing about WN, I was not allowed to do so.
LOL. I’m so done with it.
It is such a waste of time continuing to engage with this little group of contrarians and hypocrites, who are not even clear about where they stand with one another.
When it suits them, they either condemn one another or ally with one another.
So glitchy😂
Hi Jordyguin,
Thank you for your reply.
“Your concern was simply that she did not share your views on astrology. That was all.”
I need to correct you here. If you insist on going back in time to refer to a specific conversation, then you should ensure your reference is accurate.
My opinion about the interviewer *was not* based on her not sharing my views on the subject matter.
My opinion was based on her lack of knowledge about the subject matter. My opinion was also based on the interviewer conflating three different subjects as though they were all the same. Her answers to HG about astrology were very superficial and very basic, yet she had a YouTube channel advertising herself as an ‘expert’ who charged people for readings. She clearly wasn’t an expert.
My opinion about the interviewer wasn’t based on my “views on astrology”. It was based on my knowledge about astrology. This knowledge is based on many years of reading about the subject as well as listening to numerous people who actually can be described as ‘experts’ on the subject. The difference between such experts and the interviewer was obvious to me.
“Double standards.
You and your pals are allowed to hold negative opinions. Others are not.”
In my opinion, *everyone* (here on the blog or elsewhere) is “allowed” to have a negative opinion. This remains the case whether they are ‘pals’ or not.
Repeated provocations and blameshifting are not the same as “negative opinions”.
In my opinion, you regularly engage in repeated provocations and blameshifting. Many times, this is the case even when a conversation is peaceful or when a fellow blogger’s comment is benign or has nothing to do with you.
“This comes from someone who repeatedly calls me “he”, despite my having told you on numerous occasions that I am female”
If I refer to you as “he,” I usually write “he/she.” This is because your tone and responses sometimes come across as though you are male. Also, even though you claim to be female, I can’t hear your real voice or see your real face, so I can’t be sure whether you actually are female. I can ‘read’ and sense your tone in your responses though.
“LOL. I’m so done with it.”
I can relate to you here. I know what it feels like to be “done” with arguing while trying to get others to understand my points. It’s tiring and distressing. Generally, it creates more division and conflict; and the irony is that by continuing to try to get others to understand and empathise, it actually results in the opposite reaction.
If we continue this ‘back and forth’ exchange, Jordy, it will become a circular conversation. This is something I’d like to avoid. Therefore, this will be my last comment in this thread.
Again, thank you for your reply.
I just chose this spot randomly but I could have picked other spots. There are many on this blog….
Ladies…. Please….. I miss the dialog and debate about topics that we joined this blog for…. Who cares what was said in the past or now… really…. Can we come up with something interesting and exciting to fight about? Or agree upon? Or debate? Give us all something meaty to chew…?
HG has not allowed me into this discussion so HG may never post this but I hope he does….. because I realize I sound like a banal Rodney King “ Can we all get along?” And that is not reality…
But one way to diffuse the circular conversation is to break it off with a new idea, off topic and fresh and interesting that we could all pounce on. Surely you have realized in reading your various comments: you are ALL bright , intelligent , educated , etc…
Ok I leave it to you…. but here is my new idea. I was watching a YouTube on the formation of narcissism albeit by a prominent narc who I don’t really like ( guess who, and obviously not HG). We have discussed the topic of narc formation before and there are many theories some uniform and HG’s position is it is a combination of nature and nurture in an unstable early childhood environment.
Now this might sound bat shit crazy but what role do dogs have as interlopers in early childhood formation or perhaps pets in general. Studies have shown that owning a pet can increase your life! So why wouldn’t a dog entering a child’s very early life at a very early childhood age… why could not the dog or pet help? Ie, many children are isolated from peers, others, etc… in these environments in many ways but their dog/pet who is “man’s best friend “ who validates the child, gives it unconditional love and acceptance in reality…. Could that not help?
I say this as my middle lesser narc has a good side and consistency in reality with dogs. He came from a very un-stable isolated environment and was traumatized. But he was raised at birth with his dog and that was his constant comfort and best friend through it all. In fact, he was VERY attached and had a mental breakdown when his dog died in his teens. He has consistently shown nothing but love for dogs, ie walking a dog for free for a sick elderly neighbor, giving to dog charities when poor, and he was a solid, loving and attentive doggy daddy to our dogs when married. In fact when our senior dog died after a year of our divorce, he created a blog for her where he wrote poems, painted 20 pictures, created stories and has about 50 pictures of her. His first album has a photo of her and he dedicates the album to her and calls her the “ love of his life.” It has done well on YouTube. I like it as I loved her too. They say narcs can’t love. Well what is that all about? Now I know that dogs don’t speak back and they don’t challenge reality and narcs live in a fantasy…. But I wonder if a little toddler surrounded by the attention, adoration, validation, unconditional love and acceptance that a dog gives can be helped by that little angel. While plenty of studies have been done about pets in prison ( positive) , the elderly and loneliness ( positive), disabled vets ( positive) emotional support animals ( positive), has anyone considered their impact seriously on cluster B? Are there any studies on it?
Thoughts?
My best to each and everyone of you!
May you hold your swords up high and hope you smile while you do!
X
Hello Contagious,
I think you meant dogs as intervenors?
In my opinion, having a dog ( or other pet) can help develop cognitive empathy in children through the learning to care for something more vulnerable then themselves. So it could be a contributing factor in the development of empathy.
I think in the case
of your ex narc and apparent “caring” for the family dog, it is pure triangulation. The narcs in my own past are very convincing when attempting to look like animal lovers.
Dear Contagious,
I was gonna jokingly say “world peace”
Has there ever been a Miss “something” pageant participant who “hasn’t” uttered those words “world peace” ?
How can 8.3 billion people not fight with each other, let alone 2 people? These days, you see more and more people fight with themselves haha
More often than not, “fighting” is a waste of time, although, some people do actually like it! To fight, one must first engage. Merit can be found in all our lovelie’s comments. It does make for interesting dynamics and gathers learning from all (which is what this blog is all about).
Imagine if we all went out for drinky poos ? What a hoot !!! We’d probably all end up “besties” by the end of the night and make it a regular event Haha
However, I do love your idea about dogs!
I favour dogs to humans! Unconditional love and devotion 24/7 !
What’s not to love ?
Good one Contagious
Hi Contagious,
When it comes to small children being raised with and around dogs, I would be somewhat apprehensive.
All dogs bite, especially when provoked. There are some breeds that are known to attack small children (e.g. Pit Bull Terriers; German Shepherds) and can cause severe injuries or even death.
I think it would depend on the dog’s breed and temperament and if it has been trained.
For example, the Labrador Retriever is the breed best suited to be a guide dog for blind people. Even so, each puppy is trained in specific ways and undergoes intensive temperament assessments to rule out reactivity to things like noise, distractions or other animals. Although the breed is well-suited, not all puppies pass the rigorous tests to become guide dogs.
Generally speaking, I don’t think dogs would be a suitable replacement for humans when it comes to a baby’s socialisation. The point of socialisation is to make a baby feel safe subconsciously, and to be emotionally regulated, specifically when with and around other humans.
On a personal note, when I was about ten, I remember walking home from school one time and passing by a house with a big front yard. This house had a dog. As I walked by, the dog came sprinting at high speed towards me from out of nowhere. It looked like it was about to attack.
There was a fence between me and the dog however the fence was fairly low and had three narrow horizontal palings across it. The dog ran right up to me and its head protruded a fair distance through the top gap in the palings. It barked loudly while only one or two feet away from me. I was terrified. I couldn’t step back from it and out of the way because on the other side of the footpath there was a drop of almost a metre with a ditch and then there was the road.
I have never forgotten that incident.
Your comment is interesting and I think children can benefit in general from having a family pet. I also think that not all dogs are friendly, predictable or safe.
Contagious,
Thank you for this comment, I agree about missing the dialog regarding narcissism, psychopathy etc. The dialog each makes regarding themselves or in support of others. It will be good to get back to that, I hope it is sooner than later. .
Hi Leigh,
A few comments have come through together. I’ll answer them one by one so I don’t misunderstand. I have questions.
As regards this comment. How am I minimising Jordy’s behaviours? I answered your comment before Christmas as regards abusive behaviour. This was not me intervening but me responding to you. I gave an honest opinion and stayed out of it up until the comment on this thread where I raised a concern direct with Jordy, and in addition pointed out that prolonged conflict – despite motivations that can be well meaning- can be off putting to new arrivals who I see as a priority. This is my opinion, just my opinion, am I not entitled to state my own opinion?
Is it because I have continued interacting in conversations with Jordy outside this conflict that causes you to say I am minimising Jordy’s (in your opinion) bullying behaviour? Am I expected to fall in, not speak to Jordy because you have decided I am not to speak to her? If Wiser Now, you, AV and Annaamel are in conflict with Jordy, am I required to pledge allegiance and pick a side? Just me? Or are all bloggers not allowed to speak to Jordy? What then is the end objective here?
Personally, I don’t have an issue with you, with Jordy or with Annaamel. I would prefer to interact with you all as I have done up until now. Have I ever tried to tell you not to interact with Wiser Now? I’m afraid I won’t be told who I can and can’t interact with on a public blog.
“I think it’s best that we no longer interact and that’s the approach I’ll be taking.”
No longer interact with me, or with Jordy?
TS,
I’m not saying you can’t speak to Jordy. This is because you said I was holding onto this latest conflict for 6 months. In my eyes, you’re saying I’m the problem, not Jordy.
I made a comment on the Why I Relish it thread. Jordy came sideways at me and through my life choices in my face. I said nothing. There were other bloggers that made comments and I didn’t want to ignore them, so I try respond respectfully. Jordy went on a rampage against me. Even suggested I leave the blog. I’ve chosen to ignore Jordy and it’s not because of eroded empathy. I have no empathy for Jordy because she continues to bully me. I didn’t dredge this all up again, she did. So when you suggested that I was holding onto this conflict for 6 months, it lit a fire in me.
I can’t be receptive to your comments when I think you see me as the issue. And by saying that I’ve been holding onto this for 6 months when Jordy came for me first, is exactly what you did.
I want this conflict over. The best way I know how to do that is to no longer interact with you either. And it won’t just be you. If anyone speaks to me about Jordy, I’ll ignore them as well. I’ve already given Jordy way too much attention.
TS,
Using WN is a perfect example of you minimizing Jordy’s behaviors. WN doesn’t bully you on an ongoing basis the way Jordy bullies me. If she was bullying you, I would say something to her as well. You and WN had a disagreement. Lots of people have disagreements. That’s totally normal in life. That’s not what’s happening here. Jordy repeatedly bullies me and every time you interact with her, you’re telling me you’re okay with her bullying me. That dynamic doesn’t work for me anymore.
Maybe I’m being unreasonable. I don’t think so though. Just like you get to decide who you’ll interact with, so do I. I hope we can put this to rest now.
Hi Leigh,
No, my reference to WN (NC breach 5) was to remind you of where this conflict began. Jordy’s repeated highlighting of WN’s behaviours.
“You and WN had a disagreement. Lot’s of people have disagreements.”
I agree with you, her treatment of me appeared mild when compared to how she habitually demeans other empaths on the blog, several of whom pour their time and energy into guiding others, and have done so for years.
I don’t agree with your belief that bullying and abuse take place on the blog. I do understand why you feel upset with me though, we are close and you wanted my support in this. I’m sorry that I was unable to offer it directly. How we see this conflict and its development is fundamentally different.
I hear and respect your decision. As requested, I won’t interact with you further.
TS,
I just need to clear up one thing.
This conflict didn’t start because of Jordy going after WN. You’ve misunderstood me. I was using her as one example If anything the conflict started on the Key to Entry thread when Jordy described the CoD empath as a victim narcissist. Its just gotten worse over the years
Hello Truthseeker:
I am genuinely curious and I hope you kindly take the time to respond as I don’t get it. But how does the dispute provide a benefit to resolving conflict and development.
In law, we compromise, we settle typically.
Ok this is not a legal dispute.
Please help me out. How does this benefit you…. How does it benefit others…. How does it benefit newcomers? …. How does it benefit HG?
I would love to understand the benefits to all of this as for me, I truly value each blog member in it.
Also I think that if HG threw a membership party, it would end up in laughter and friendship. Something about in person. A masquerade ball? HG could attend in costume? HG: it would be a money maker!!!!
Something about online is different then in person but?
I hope you answer. This is not at all a criticism … it is a genuine wonder that I don’t seem to grip!
Thanks TS! X
Thank you for the clarification Leigh. I was under the impression that it was Jordy’s analysis of WN’s comments that was the origin of the current conflict.
If I might also clarify something. This comment.
“My additional and broader comment was simply to highlight that despite often honest motivations, conflict itself if prolonged (six months for the height of this one currently) can still impact newer arrivals to the blog. I see that as an unintended consequence.”
This was not me saying “ Leigh, you have been holding on to this for six months.” It was a comment about the conflict itself and my view of it as a whole. People might agree or disagree with the impact of conflict on new arrivals but my comment was certainly not pointing the finger at any single participant.
Hi Contagious,
Sorry for the delay in answering your question. If I respond to more than one comment under the same thread reply button, I often lose the first and keep the second, or vice versa, no rhyme nor reason to it.
I’m not sure if I am understanding your question. I think you mean, “What are the potential benefits of seeing this conflict play out? How can conflict benefit regular readers, new readers, and HG?”
I’ll start with HG. There is no personal benefit as the conflict doesn’t involve him. Arguably, he tolerates the conflict as he sees an educational purpose in allowing it to play out.
In terms of how I view conflict personally, that depends on the context. In general terms, I enter conflict more readily in real life within my own arena.
In terms of benefits to commenters or readers of the blog. I don’t see benefits, as much as possible learning opportunities. Those might include :
1. Understanding how we are perceived by others and why.
2. Understanding how we ourselves perceive others and why.
3. Conflict can reveal our default behaviours, it’s a kind of personality stress test.
4. Hidden dynamics become visible. Sometimes a group can appear harmonious only because difficult issues are not discussed openly.
5. Conflict can help people discover their boundaries and how they enforce them.
6. It can sometimes strengthen a group because people have an opportunity to learn how to disagree without relationships collapsing.
7. It can highlight the fact that despite being empaths some of us are just plain incompatible with each other.
8. It can illustrate the interplay between empathic and narcissistic traits and what triggers one over the other for different empaths.
9. Understanding the role ET plays with all empaths.
10. Understanding the role empathic schools and cadres play in conflict situations.
That’s not to say that all ten are accessible through this conflict, or that this is a complete list. In general terms though, those are some of the possible reasons conflict might be said to have educational or developmental value as I see it.
In terms of new readers, I think it’s a balancing act. We are very different people with different backgrounds and life experiences. I don’t think it’s realistic to think we will all get along just because we have higher than average emotional empathy. This might also be what Asp Amp was driving at in her comment to me. I don’t want to misinterpret / paraphrase her though.
I think that being allowed to express openly what we truly feel is a positive thing. Some empaths have not had the opportunity to do that too often. I also think that there is a limit to that in blog terms. A tipping point where conflict can be off putting to new arrivals, hence my earlier comment on this thread. People will have different levels of tolerance to conflict and their views on the ‘tipping point’ will likely differ dramatically.
Hopefully I understood your question!
Thank you for this comment, Leigh.
TS,
I made a comment on the “Why I Relish It” thread about Mr. Tudor. Jordy decided to come at me unprovoked. I was quite content ignoring Jordy’s comment because I don’t care what she thinks. It wasn’t until you decided to say something that I spoke up. If you insist on saying something, then I need to set it straight. I don’t want to be dealing with this nonsense 6 months later either. I’m not the provocateur here. Open up your eyes.
Hi Leigh,
Are you referring to the “I’ve shared a lot of my life on here” comment? My response was to you and for you, in that I see sharing too much online as problematic. Online narc used what I shared against me, I learned my lesson. I’ve never been open online but I’m less open now. I see that as prudent. Again, this was my opinion in response to your comment, particularly given that empaths in general have a high degree of openness and are prone to sharing online.
I wasn’t commenting in relation to the ongoing conflict or referencing anything to do with who was provocateur and who wasn’t.
For what it’s worth, I don’t see you as finding this conflict pleasant and I would estimate it is pretty much first and foremost in your mind when commenting on the blog just now. I’m not involved in the conflict, it isn’t first and foremost for me, I simply commented in relation to your statement “ I’ve shared a lot of my life on here.”
My eyes are open. I’m afraid I see things very differently and I have my own reasons for that.
When we look at conflict once it has escalated, it gets further and further away from the original source and therefore more and more difficult for anyone to decipher and resolve. All four of you, (you, AV, Annaamel, and Jordy) are now demonstrating pronounced empathy erosion in my view.
I’m looking far less at the words and far more at the structure of the conflict, the order of events, the comings and goings, (in fairness, that’s far easier to do when I’m not in receipt of the hurtful words and comments from either side) when I look at it this way, I get a very different view from all four of you.
I forgot to say this in my last comment. Did you see AA’s comment about how Jordy’s negative comments to bloggers with autism? How many negative comments does she have to make and how many people does she have to offend before it becomes a pattern?
Please don’t patronise me by framing my logical and clear eyed analysis of the abusive behaviour on this blog as ’empathy erosion,’ TS. I recognise you are being questioned by a few readers in this thread but in describing me as suffering from ‘pronounced empathy erosion’ you are using me to enhance your own perpsective while deligitimising my own.
I am not experiencing empathy erosion. My empathy levels are as strong as when I arrived, although I am perhaps more judicious in where I direct it. I read the blog with significant detachment most of the time, and I’d like nothing more for it to be a place where adults can debate each other respectfully. I don’t believe AV or Leigh are experiencing empathy erosion either. I’d be more likely to describe their empathy as weaponised than eroded.
As to all the questions you asked Leigh, I don’t believe she asked you not to engage with Jordy, so there wasn’t really any need to argue that it was your right to do so.
Thank you for this comment AA, spot on.
Hi Annaamel,
My observation was not designed to be patronising but explanatory. There is no longer a clear desire for conflict resolution (driven by empathic traits) and instead there has been a marked escalation in provocation (driven by narcissistic traits).
I am not delegitimising your perspective. I understand why all four of you are engaged in conflict. (You, AV, Leigh and Jordy) It’s rare for empaths to engage in conflict of such intensity and duration if they do not first believe in the cause they are fighting for.
The point raised in your final paragraph was clarified in Leigh’s comment to me of June 30th and my subsequent response to her.
TS,
I know it appears as if my narc traits are driving me. This conflict isn’t about trying to make Jordy look bad. This has always been about trying to save you.
I will say that my narc trait of pride is probably pulling some strings too. Its not my responsibility to try and save you. My pride often makes me think it is my responsibility. For that, I apologize.
Hi Leigh,
I’m not sure if you want my response to this or not. Going off the time stamp, I think I’m probably ok to respond.
Firstly, you have no need to apologise for being protective. I know you are doing what you feel is right. I don’t think your narcy traits are in play there, as in, the driver is the empathic need to do what you think is right.
This is what I find most unsettling as I have seen this conflict unfold. I actually think all four have been motivated mostly by empathic drivers, or at least were originally. Very different views, traits and communication styles no doubt about that, but I don’t see malice or a desire to control. I see strong opinions, disagreement, hurt, then defensiveness and the various manifestations of it.
Where I see narcy traits in play, is in context of the conflict as a whole entity if I can describe it that way. In general, there is a move away from resolution, listening, attempts to communicate openly and resolve grievances (empathic) and a move towards increased defensiveness and provocation (narcissistic).
It isn’t the case that I see or attribute fault to any one of the four involved. To me, what’s happening now is more a function of how conflicts can evolve and escalate, particularly online. Once a conflict loop is established, it can run and run.
In terms of the protective aspect. To that I can only say thank you and gently let you know that the saving isn’t necessary. If I have or at some point do misread a situation or a commenter, then that’s on me. Like you, I can only call it as I see it. Even when I have a lot in common with another commenter, or, I get along well with them, I would never expect them to defend me, or ride out into battle with or for me as a function of that relationship. First, I ride out alone, and second, I think that people have to do what is right for them. Perspectives can differ, views and opinions can differ, so for me, there’s never an expectation of agreement or solidarity just because I have a good relationship with somebody. You really don’t need to be protective. I don’t see that protectiveness as pride by the way, I see it as a function of being a Saviour.
“I read the blog with significant detachment most of the time.”
No. You do not read the blog with significant detachment most of the time.
Your cold fury, envy, jealousy, and manipulative behaviour are recurring features of your communication.
You appear to resent successful women such as JK Rowling, Truthseeker, NarcAngel, and others because they possess something you don’t: a backbone.
Josephina, captured it rather well when she described your communication as “mean and jabby.” And laughs at it.
She may also wish to tread carefully, because now that she has publicly ridiculed you and, in my view, seen through your behaviour, she may well become your next target.
And again, not so long ago, when criticism was directed at you, you suddenly deflected by resurrecting the old Key to Entry thread involving Leigh and AV.
Their reaction was essentially, “What are you doing? What does this have to do with the current discussion? What are you trying to achieve?”
You were simply redirecting the trajectory of the conflict away from yourself and towards others because it better served your interests.
https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-22/#comment-461587
Everything I wrote about your behaviour a year ago still appears, to me, to apply today.
August 15, 2025 at 06:14
“Leigh, AV, you were wondering why Annaamel brought this up all of a sudden?
She simply deflected from herself. Deflection is a staple manipulation utilised by the narcissist in order to nullify a threat to control. It can also come under the head of whataboutism and can be utilised by people who aren’t narcissists when they lack forensic intellectual ability to sustain an argument and therefore they bleat on about something that is irrelevant. I was debating a particular point with her and she decided to bring on a different comparison which was completely irrelevant to the argument. She had no defence to my argument and had to engage in whataboutism. I was pointing at the evidence in relation to WN’s narcissism but AA turned around and sidestepped the actual argument by smearing others. Being the hypocrite that she is, she’ll berate me for criticising WN and then rather than meet my argument and realise why my criticism is legitimate she’d engage in her own criticism by using a deflection.
She simply wanted readers to look elsewhere rather than at her. It was a misdirection and distraction and you, Leigh, AV, LET and myself from that debate, are just a means to an end for her. Back then I wondered why all of the sudden she jumped into action to defend and assist me in the debate I was having with the three of you and didn’t need her assistance whatsoever but later I realised she did it because she had ongoing tensions with AV and simply used my situation to get back at AV.
Overall that’s the reason why I’m naming her a selfish manipulative hypocrite. It is due to her behaviour over a sustained period of time.”
“I’d like nothing more for it to be a place where adults can debate each other respectfully.”
There is ample evidence that you do precisely the opposite.
You do not debate to begin with.
When an opportunity for genuine debate arises, you make one or two provocative remarks and then withdraw.
You either evade the debate altogether, sidestep it when your hypocrisy or manipulations are challenged, or redirect it into a smear campaign.
Again, all of this is readily provable. The evidence is substantial.
You appear accustomed to manipulating and devaluing children or teenagers who are unable to defend themselves against your behaviour, and you seemed to expect that the same approach would work on me.
You never anticipated the level of pushback you ultimately received.
You lack the ability to sustain a substantive argument. Instead, when challenged, you resort to smearing, as you did both here and in the Reality Gap thread.
Truthseeker,
Remember when I told you that certain people would try to draw you back in, just as they had tried before?
Her ego appears to be repeatedly wounded by each unsuccessful attempt, and she has been patiently waiting for an opportunity to diminish you.
I think I know why. Just read my thoughts.
There seems to be another motive at work here, one that cannot be openly admitted, yet quietly reveals itself over time. It is part of a script from which she cannot deviate.
That is how the more dominant narcissistic traits attempt to “resolve” an issue with an opponent they cannot measure up to: by trying to drag that person down to their own level, and beyond.
“…my logical and clear-eyed analysis…”
There are no words to describe how detached from the available evidence that statement appears to be.
“…weaponised empathy…”
That is another example of the reframing she employs to support her narrative, despite the readily verifiable facts.
Within her own internal narrative, it undoubtedly makes perfect sense.
Objectively, however, it simply does not reconcile with the available evidence.
Her audacity in inventing falsehoods in plain sight and expecting everyone to accept them is remarkable.
And others accept those falsehoods because you are a thorn in their side, for reasons that are obvious to me.
Living up to the standard of decency and empathy you are guided by is difficult, so instead the tactics become dirty.
Please, TS, listen to NarcAngel.
Do not allow yourself to become entangled in AA’s little web.
She has tried it before, and I have no doubt she will try it again.
This is a recurring pattern, not an isolated incident.
Hi, Whitney–
“They are the most genuine people- they have the opposite of a narcissist’s facade.”
It is true that they are different conditions, but I mask nearly all the time when I’m around others. Owing to some of my behaviors and non-standard affect, people who don’t understand have at times accused me of being haughty, uncaring, or a narcissist. Because of this I have a diligent practice and several systems in place to avoid detection or trouble.
I wouldn’t say my mask is the opposite of the narcissistic facade–they’re both about survival and control. I think the main difference is that autism isn’t structured around seeking the Prime Aims. But I think where the ASD and NPD facades align is in terms of control/survival, and that narcissists who maintain effective facades and autistics with effective masks can appear to you as quite genuine and just being themselves. But, speaking for myself, I’m not really in touch with a stable, central “me” (my self exists but it is like smoke), while I think narcissists have an empty core if I’ve understood HG.
All that to say I’m just as phony as any narcissist in terms of the person I put forth, but the source and the reason they must maintain control are different. I think it’s part of why until I took HGs detectors I thought I was a narcissist (in addition to my typical empathic over-introspection and sense of guilt). All the same, as with the narcissist who maintains a facade, no one really knows me. I operate in the shadows while putting forth that I’m an open book. I imitate. I act. I pretend. There are those of us (as with narcissists) who cannot or do not maintain a front, but for those of us who do we mirror, imitate, perform, etc. So as narcissists with facades who aren’t known, we are not known while appearing genuine, as effective narcissists do. And for different reasons we both must keep it that way.
…..”When people arrive here, I think they need to see support from us all as a group, not prolonged conflict and point scoring obvious or otherwise. They certainly shouldn’t feel chased out. If they do, then that’s a fail in my view.”…..
……..”I also don’t dispute that if people take offence at a comment they have the right to respond in a manner of their choosing.”……..
Ok.
Did this kind of approach / thinking work when new students attended a new school ‘environment’ despite there being older students who had ‘lived’ in the same learning environment? Think back to when you went to school. How were you treated? How did you treat the other students? Apply similar thoughts within social activities / work / family / etc, back then, during and now.
There’s a difference in spotting someone (or their comment) and following that up with a provocative answer as in a ‘locked on target’ approach and continuing to do so over a period of years. Of course, the ‘target’ may respond coldly, or, not at all because they have learned HG’s work too.
In my opinion, it is not fair to suggest that it is only new readers of HG’s work that need to feel safe AND supported “above all else”. To me, it appears quite divisive and dismissive. I have seen long time users of HG’s work struggling and yet only get supported by, what I’ve seen, the same people.
In my view. The priority is for HG’s work to continue without restriction. To be available to to anyone, including those outside his KTN blog. Without prejudice. Without imposing restrictions on Human Rights, the right to be a human, to be heard and to be listened to. To have access to support without being excluded by an elite group that decides you do not belong. There should be many pipelines to HG’s work, not just two. Even if some of those pipelines are underground. Trees cannot survive without roots! The galaxy cannot survive without it’s scientific and mathematic formulas. Yet some of humanity keep interfering and upsetting the balance to ensure that the formulas continue to serve the galaxy in the way it needs to be nurtured.
Thank you HG for moderating.
Hi Asp Amp,
“Think back to when you went to school.”
Do I have to ?!
“ How were you treated?”
Some people were approachable and welcoming, others less so.
“How did you treat the other students?”
Evenly, at least I hope I did. I was obviously closer to some than others. The girls in my school were cliquey. People tended to stay within their own groups. I think the guys had a better set up, they all seemed to hang out en masse.
“Apply similar thoughts within social activities / work / family / etc, back then, during and now.”
The main difference now is that I am less easily hurt by negative comments. Similarly though, I am more dismissive in that I’m more likely to just move on if I suspect the same issues will keep coming up. I’m also not a girl’s girl. I have learned to just accept that.
“There’s a difference in spotting someone (or their comment)…. Because they have learned HG’s work too.”
Agree with all of this. I would add also that there are many forms of provocation, some more subtle / less obvious than others.
“In my opinion it is not fair to suggest that it is only new readers that need to feel safe AND supported. To me it appears quite divisive and dismissive.”
My thinking there is that I see new readers as a priority because when they arrive on the blog they are often confused, upset and more vulnerable. Long term readers are likely less so as they have had access to HG’s work for longer. HG’s work provides the tools to deal with narcissists. These tools also offer solutions for prolonged conflict with non narcissists. Long term readers have these tools at their disposal whereas new arrivals have not yet had opportunity to learn them, this is why I see conflict as more impactful for them and therefore see them as a priority. It was not my intention to imply that long term readers are undeserving of safety and support.
In reality, I think there are far more supportive comments on the blog than provocative comments. I see the blog as a safe space for people to express their varied views. I believe in free speech so I also think that people should be free to express themselves as they see fit providing that’s in line with blog rules. I agreed to those rules when I arrived. I don’t enjoy witnessing conflict, particularly when it is prolonged and has passed the point of resolution, (I am no longer active on the Questioning Me thread for that reason) but I think sometimes it can have its place and with this type of subject matter bouts of conflict are almost inevitable. I don’t spend as much time on the blog as I used to so I am now more selective in terms of threads I read and am involved in. I also won’t be privy to every bout of conflict that breaks out.
I agree with your thoughts in your last paragraph. I recommend HG’s work in various forums but readily admit that the blog is my first love and that is largely due to the positive I experience I’ve had being here.
Mr. Tudor,
You are so good to me. Thank you for completing Tom Hardy. I was a bit surprised. I thought he might be narcissistic, because his analysis in some ways reminded me of Depp’s. I’m quite curious about the line where someone ends up as narcissistic vs a normal. At least one difference I noticed was that Depp took much longer to stop the drug abuse. I like how you’re sharing examples of people who have outside influences on them, like industry pressure and mistakes in youth. For me…it was the charity and his children as the driving force of getting clean that proved I wasn’t looking at a narcissist. I’m super excited for the Candace Owens conclusion too…because some of her circumstances are similar. Where profit or parents may have had more to do with the situation than pathology. But she has the lack of control environment to become the narc, whereas Hardy did not seem to.
Anyway, Happy Christmas! Thank you for everything!
Mr. Tudor,
I hope I can still make requests. I’m curious about what happened with Chloe & Mike. You left “When HG Met the Narcissists” on a cliffhanger. Will you please give us an update?
Mr. Tudor–
I found something today that brought up a thought of something else that it would be really interesting if you covered. You’ve shared a number of stories about your therapists…could you share some of the psychological techniques they taught you (if any) to address thoughts driven by your narcissism? How have you, being the Ultra, used these techniques to improve yourself and your dealings with others? Have you turned them on your victims or against the therapists to make them think you were healing?
If your victims (IPSS or IPPS) attended therapy whilst remaining involved with you, how did you address that situation, whatever the therapist was advising them to do to help them in their relationship with you? Did you ever get invited or charm their therapist? Something like that, while deeply disturbing, would be very beneficial to your readers and listeners in my view.
Thank you so much for all that you do and this lovely space for making suggestions. I’m super looking forward to whatever is next.
Thank you so much for the lovely hoover, sir. You called us all in easy as you please…it was such joy to see so many all digitally together, united in their appreciation for you and your work.
Dear HG, I just wish that all of your books were finished!
Indeed.
Thank you for this opportunity, sir!
I would love to continue to learn more about the Ultra! Your past and present, from all realms of your life of what would be okay to share with us and about your views on history, art, education, science, spirituality, global challenges and society!
My addition to the lists in more detail:
1. Mankind – its past and its future.
I would love to know about your observations regarding the evolution and devolution of our societies of today. The chaotic and structured matrices and their formations?
Ruling systems, leaders and the population (all classifications) and if they all need to work together at one point in order to evolve out of the destructive ideology and course?
What would be the identifiable characteristics of a leader and his/her leading pack who can unmistakably unite the opposing clans and help populations to identify a cause which will create an impact over lifetimes, helping humanity to unfollow the self-destructive mechanisms and course?
2. Power. The undeniable importance of power and the law of nature is impeccable but unbalanced power competes with life itself and causes destruction of all living organisms which are initially balanced out. Prey-predator cycles are initially intact but get then disturbed and destroyed by the build of society. Why the cruel and incomprehensible war with life when the society begins to distance itself from nature?
Is it the case that the art of power can also manifest, by those individuals who are imbued with it extensively, in ways to create a constructive outcome for the co-creation of life not against it?
I wonder if individuals simply do not feel like it’s their home because they are largely isolated from nature and that’s why they don’t care.
What needs to happen in order for them to begin to feel the connection with their home and care for it out of their own volition?
3. If I Ruled My World – by HG Tudor the Ultra: your world, sir, how would it be? Who would be the Knights of your Round Table? And how would your Kingdom be structured? The vision for your beautiful continent, your home and its prosperity?
Thank you, sir!
Thank you for your suggestions.
Addition to the list.
4. It is still difficult to keep narcissists and empaths (or normals) with autism or autistic traits apart. The behaviour can be so similar; the strong focus on the self, misunderstandings over simple things and ignition of fury/anger really fast, over nothing really. Apologising afterwards truly genuinely and I’m clueless to if it’s genuine or not. The only indicator I can base my decision on that a person can’t be a narcissist is the absent fuel matrix, so I tend to think it must be the similarity of the autistic traits and no more. But then remembering that narcissists can also have skimmed fuel matrices and also can have fuel substituted like alcohol or drugs (which is not the case in this situation) or video games, if I remember correctly re games.
Could a skimmed fuel matrix only involve a tiny number of colleagues at work, a tiny number of friends, a pet and just an IPPS and that’s it? And if a narcissist who for instance has autism is also prone to have skimmed fuel matrices, because of autism, or it doesn’t play a role at all? And for a narcissist with autism; how does it influence the whole thing, the construct? Would autism make them light versions of narcissists with smaller fuel matrices?
Thank you for considering, sir!
Speaking as an autistic empath (yes, I finally submitted my Empath Detector, which HG kindly scored despite my three years of trying to answer what were very difficult questions for me–oops, did I mention myself; sorry, should one have said “one” as if one were King Charles?) who’s been out of the loop here due to health reasons, I’m curious whether this suggestion was followed up on. I’ve done a search and can’t find any new content by HG on autism, only his existing video and interviews saying that they are two different, unrelated conditions. And two of the interviews were with an autistic host with PDA whom HG assessed as an empath.
In fact, here’s AI on the subject, including HG’s already addressed assessment of autism: https://share.google/aimode/6QG6UnMWQS3N2ISyg
PS: Are you the same person who chased me away from this blog by referring to me as “that autistic”? Whereas you say you are an empath???
Hi Susan!
I am not aware of anything on autism BUT I know some bloggers here have referred to autism. Maybe they know more….
Hey Susan,
“Speaking as an autistic empath (yes, I finally submitted my Empath Detector…) who’s been out of the loop here due to health reasons, I’m curious whether this suggestion was followed up on.”
Welcome back to the loop, and thank you for letting us know. Otherwise, I would not have been able to tell you and a narcissist apart. Certain autistic individuals can be very difficult to distinguish from narcissists.
“I’ve done a search and can’t find any new content by HG on autism, only his existing video and interviews saying that they are two different, unrelated conditions. And two of the interviews were with an autistic host with PDA whom HG assessed as an empath.”
Yes, I’ve watched all of them. I only wish Harry had spoken a little less and allowed HG to speak a little more.
“In fact, here’s AI on the subject…”
Thank you, but I prefer HG’s view on the matter.
“Are you the same person who chased me away from this blog by referring to me as ‘that autistic’? Whereas you say you are an empath???”
I remember you having several clashes on the blog in the past, and one of them was with a reader named Elodie, with whom I got along very well. Unfortunately, after that clash, she left the blog. She also had the impression that you were a narcissist.
That is the only exchange I paid particular attention to. I did not really follow the others.
Later, you made sure to reference autism and certain disabilities in your comments, and I think people then became more cautious and gave you more latitude.
As for whoever tried to chase you away from the blog, they clearly did a poor job. You’re still here, so that point goes to you. Well done!
This is my only exchange with you, and let’s keep it that way.
I find autistic people come across the opposite of narcissists. They are the most genuine people- they have the opposite of a narcissist’s facade. They are just themselves. They are honest. They have poor cognitive empathy but their emotional empathy is usually high. Have you actually met someone with autism in real life Jody?
Hi Whitney! No, I don’t have a real life anymore 🥲
Kidding. Yes, I have met some. Some are all the things you describe + …
Hence my original request.
Whitney, hi again.
I hope you go to the thread of the named article and read the whole thing, so you can see why autistic people can sometimes be very different from what you described, and how strongly their thinking can resemble narcissistic perception when they express it openly, as in this example here, which is connected to an even better example if you go to that thread. https://narcsite.com/2025/08/02/i-second-that-emotion-27/
I could not have imagined that Susan would repurpose my comment to Annaamel into an attack upon herself. I did not read the exchange further at the time, but I went back and saw what a distortion her mind had constructed.
You can see the self-absorbed spiral she fell into, making it central to her reasons for leaving, only to return now and again create false claims and further distortions.
I am actually thankful to Susan and Annaamel for popping in and demonstrating so vividly what I was asking about. Susan demonstrated how this can play out by taking criticism that was directed entirely at another person, namely Annaamel, who in my view is generally a thorn in the side because of how manipulative she can be towards readers and how passive-aggressive she is towards HG, demonstrates this throughout the named conversation. It is important to read all of her comments. She calls him an ox and makes obvious smears, such as the passive-aggressive “sheeple” dig directed at him, whilst simultaneously elevating Susan.
Yet Susan cannot imagine any explanation for my criticism of Annaamel other than that it must somehow be about Susan herself.
As a result, she repurposed my criticism of Annaamel into an attack upon herself, held a tear-jerking pity party, spiralled into a victim narrative, left the blog in distress, and has now returned to identify the supposed perpetrator of the injustice committed against her. In doing so, she repeats the same false claims and distortions in the same self-absorbed manner, seeking not to resolve confusion but to deepen it, not only for herself but for other readers as well, with the assistance of the same players.
Whether those distortion fields arise from narcissism or autism, the outward behaviour can often look remarkably similar. The diagnosis then becomes an excuse for the behaviour and a justification for being treated differently.
And people like Annaamel immediately seize upon such distortions when they appear, taking the opportunity to deepen them further while proclaiming:
“Look at us, we’re empaths!”
So far on this blog Jordy has suggested that Dani (a diagnosed autistic reader) likely does not have autism because Dani seems to keep up pretty well with all the discussions. https://narcsite.com/2025/11/07/erika-kirk-the-red-flags/#comment-466364 Allison, another reader with diagnosed autism, felt compelled to step in because she felt Jordy’s comment had crossed a line. https://narcsite.com/2025/11/07/erika-kirk-the-red-flags/#comment-466471 Dani, once a prolific poster, has posted much less since this informal assessment.
Susan, a reader also diagnosed as autistic has been reclassified here by Jordy as a narcissist rather than an autistic person. It’s worth noting that Susan has criticised Jordy. Anything Susan posts now will be analysed for narcissism by Jordy rather than looked at throught the lens of neurodivergence. A rather appalling way to target someone who may misundertand comments or social cues given that this is an aspect of autism itself and has probably been an ongoing issue and a source of distress for a person.
A Victor, who has also challenged Jordy, who has never been diagnosed as autistic, was identified by Jordy as a potential candidate for autism because she can get angry and jump to conclusions at times or misread comments. https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-21/#comment-461640
WiserNow, a reader who sometimes misreads comments, gets angry and jumps to conclusions has been firmly classified by Jordy as a narcissist, and her posts are deconstructed from this angle repeatedly. https://narcsite.com/2026/05/13/narcissistic-psychopath-why-i-relish-it/comment-page-1/#comment-471072
Despite Jordy’s having ‘met some’ people with autism in real life being her qualification for conducting assessments, readers here, including those who have had traumatic backgrounds involving exposure to narcissistic abuse, are periodically exposed to her informal diagnoses of their autistic status. She picks and chooses from behaviours she sees and interprets similar behaviours in different ways, often determined by who is being nice to her or who is not or who has recently not shown her adequate appreciation.
It strikes me that it takes a grandiose, haughty and arrogant sense of entitlement for a reader on a blog to subject other readers on that blog to a classification of autism or deny their professionally diagnosed autism. These assessments (of autistic or not) tend to be used as smears more than anything else.
This is someone trying to insult and dominate readers on the blog. Someone who is willing to cross boundaries. Someone who struggles to put themselves in others shoes to see how their comments would be felt or how such comments might be perceived by a wider readership.
I might now be called a woke, virtue signalling narcissist. Or maybe I will luck out and be given an autism diagnosis. But I doubt any assessment won’t be the correct one. I and a few others here are her worst nightmares because our empathic make up means we are internally compelled to hold her accountable.
Hello Susan
I am not at all surprised you were classified as an empath.
HG has not identified overlaps between narcissists and autistics. If anything, he’s highlighted that there isn’t an overlap. There are a few autistic participants on the blog (I can think of three aside from yourself but there may be more) and they have all been classified as empaths via HG’s detector.
As you’ve correctly identified, the commenter in this thread is also the one from the Second That Emotion thread last year. She’s helpfully added a new response to you here in case you forgot how unpleasant she is.
For me, one of the signs for me that you are a super empath is your capacity to fire up people like Jordy and her friend Elodie. You clearly recognise a problem when you see one.
Please don’t worry about Jordy’s perspective (or Elodie’s for that matter). Rest assured that there are still people here who can and will show you empathy and understanding.
@Annaamel,
What prevented you from posting the evidence, the link to that response, here? Everyone could then see for themselves what was actually said and draw their own conclusions.
If anyone is interested, I have the link and can share it here.
@Susan
Susan, you were not referred to as “that autistic”. You were referred to as a loyal reader who is autistic and who may experience difficulties seeing through Annaamel’s manipulations.
The full comment at Annaamel was:
“Annaamel, your repeated digs at HG and smearings of him to his loyal readers who are on top of that autistic and can’t see through what you’re doing, are disgusting neverending ridiculous nauseating displays of your stupidity. Grow the fuck up, lady.”
Sorry, Susan, but I think this illustrates my point about how easily misunderstandings can arise when people read a statement through a particular lens and attribute a meaning to it that was never intended.
I was really mad at Annaamel at the time, not because of that one instance alone, but because that instance was part of a repeated smear campaign against HG. That was the context in which the comment was written.
That does not excuse the wording I used, but it does explain why I reacted so strongly at the time.
As for Annaamel, I think her latest response speaks for itself.
Look at the evidence from that original comment and then compare it with how she responded to it here.
She showed no interest in clarifying the origin or context of the wording, despite the fact that the criticism was directed at her, not at you. Instead, she repurposed it for a different aim.
Nor does she know who Elodie is, what her comments were, or why the two of you clashed in the first place.
She cannot reference any response, comment, or evidence relating to Elodie, yet she is comfortable making assertions about her. She does not know what Elodie wrote, what her position was, or why the clash occurred. Yet she is willing to make statements about her regardless, painting her black.
By looking at the way she attempted to keep you in the dark about the intention of that original response, despite the criticism being directed at her and not at you, I think she hanged herself rather badly and, in doing so, reinforced my original point.
She demonstrated a willingness to repurpose the situation to suit her own narrative rather than clarify the actual context of what was said.
Given that you are autistic, I find that particularly telling, because my original point was that misunderstandings and misattributions can arise more easily in such circumstances. Instead of clarifying the matter, she is perfectly content to use the misunderstanding.
People can draw their own conclusions from that.
Hello Susan:
I don’t know you but if new to this blog. Hello and welcome! There are many different personalities here but many here to support you! Know that I am one! This blog is dedicated by the owner to help people get out of narcissistic and psychopath relationships and to educate. And there are many here that are happy to share our own experiences and support you through your journey. Autism is irrelevant. You are a human the same as me, putting one foot in front of the other on planet Earth:) I have RLS… who cares? Right? X
Hello Everyone:
No offense dear Susan! And again please join us! But we need to get away from the Jordy dispute and focus on something meaty. Ok you come up with it or consider this:
So I am divorced a year from a middle lesser. It’s over. I would have liked a positive ending after 12 years such as an end with blessings, goodwill and blessings but NO. I am the villain. As he said “ I make Mary Magdalen look like an angel”. lol. No, I did not sleep with every man in my orbit.
Anyway moving on as a single lady, I have not been ready. Only one I thought about who I met on a vacation…. But not ready. I have been 100% single. Life is peaceful. I like it! Then there was this one man who approached me online with the need for legal advice. Normal. He was attractive, rich developer and trucking company from NYC. He is worth online 1/2 billion to 100,000 million. Remember they evaluate companies. I double checked he is licensed owns a home in NYC and wealthy. BUT it’s been interesting. I told him right off I saw a woman in his photos and if married, don’t talk to me. He said I am not married and don’t really know you. lol. If I say I like Italian- would I like he replies would I like to go to Italy? I mentioned a past relationship of dating a man who rode Harleys. He sends me local routes here in California and motorcycles he would buy and offers to take me. I told him my ex husband was British and he gives me the town in England that he was born in England. He messages daily but it will go nowhere. I mean how many women would love to be with a single very rich man who wants to meet your dreams? And he is intelligent and charming and nice and…. Very attentive. But… I share this to demonstrate I see red flags everywhere. First, I have been with rich men, it has wonderful benefits, the downside is they are the employer and the boss whether empath, normal or narcissist or psychopath. Men who get to where they are, unless inherited-and I have loved and been with the rich trust fund kid too- different breed as their issue is they are insecure and their goal is to protect their money and thus their identity- but self made rich men no matter who they are … get there by making decisions, taking on risks and responsibilities and that’s what they know. So if empaths or normals, narcs or psychopaths…. dealing with a strong man has its challenges but an empath or normal …. they will respect you, nurture you and listen. Where with a narcissist or psychopath, nope ….unless it’s manipulation or fake. Easy to figure out in time. So I have hesitations with the strong rich men yet… men in general don’t want to be with a woman more successful than them. My own son shudders at the thought. Men were culturally raised to be protectors, nothing wrong with that. Now the victim narcs or some call them vulnerable look for the woman to mother them. My middle lesser narc was like this but not at first. They are little wounded boys who want a mommy. They are never successful. They can be handsome and charming and intelligent too but life long leeches.
Me? I just want a really authentic together man who has empathy. Not easy to find I think. I have loved a few. Never married one but I am done with marriage. I want a companion.
Any advice?
The other thread unrelated to the Jordy dispute would be my advice:
If with a narc or psychopath, yes HG is right… no contact or you let go, you grieve. But your heart is not a light switch you can turn off and on… as much as you want to. So here is a trick I learned. If with an abuser, throw him off track so as you leave it’s not so painful. So every woman or most has body issues. I do too. But I accept my extra middle age weight. But I would throw him off making him think I was fat was an issue. He used it towards the break up. Also he knows my love of God, so he used God against me telling me I was a sinner wanting out of the sanctity of marriage. But I knew he did not have a personal relationship with Christ so I sought my own counsel on the issue with my friends who are religious leaders as I did have a conflict but his opinion was less in weight. In short, if leaving him, don’t reveal vulnerabilities or weaknesses. And if with a psychopath, have a safety plan. Rely heavily on public community resources. They can help and consult with HG too.
Anyone else have input or experiences?
Last thing:
Ever notice that narcs and psychopaths come from damaged families. So you aren’t just dealing with your narc but their families? I could go on… anyone else deal with this?
I wrote my first meeting with my monster in law and anyone I tell it too says I should write a book. I mean her ex short term boyfriend was buried in the back yard! True! It’s a Halloween horror story. I literally almost died. One meeting. And that’s his mother?
HG: It would be a good topic. How did your mother treat your wife?
There was a 2019 Liverpool study did a study comparing psychology to science and concluded it was pure quackery.
I have had a bad experience with a psychologist in my 20s. He tried to sleep with me. He eventually lost his license because he was sleeping with his clients. Nice guy but dodgy. . I saw another psychologist who was to help my second marriage. He had to look up narcissism in his book. Sorry, HG is better!
Hi AA,
Its no longer my goal to hold Jordy accountable for her actions. I see no point. Its just wasted energy on my part.
I said something because I was upset that TS said I was holding onto this for 6 months. How could she possibly think I’d be receptive to her comments when she sides with the person who bullies me? I need to limit the toxicity in my life.
There’s a risk vs reward factor. With my narc husband, the reward of financial stability outweighs the risk of toxicity. So I deal with the toxicity from him. What’s the reward of dealing with bloggers who are toxic towards me? I can’t think of any. Whether they want to admit it or not, defending a bully is toxic. So I’ve decided to draw a line.
I didn’t want to ignore you, but I won’t be talking about this anymore.
Hi Leigh,
There’s no need for you to be upset. Nowhere have I stated or even insinuated that you specifically “ have been holding onto this for six months.” I summarised my original comment by saying that “conflict if prolonged (six months for the height of this one currently) can still impact newer readers.”
It is not the case that I hold you responsible for six months of conflict.
Hi annaamel,
this is actually in reply to your comment here https://narcsite.com/2025/08/31/10-years-of-knowing-the-narcissist-the-future/comment-page-1/#comment-471215, but I thought you might find it more easily in this place.
HG has said before that he counts anybody who has been active on the blog for less than a year as a newcomer (https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-11/#comment-447973), this might be what Jordy is using as a point of reference.
Hi Leigh
“What’s the reward of dealing with bloggers who are toxic towards me? I can’t think of any. Whether they want to admit it or not, defending a bully is toxic. So I’ve decided to draw a line.”
I can understand you feel this way, Leigh. You’ve shown a lot of courage so far, Leigh. You’ve also received a lot of push back and which makes it much harder. I know how much you value the regular give and take and social exchanges on this blog. I can completely understand you wanting and needing to draw a line to protect yourself and your wellbeing.
“I said something because I was upset that TS said I was holding onto this for 6 months. How could she possibly think I’d be receptive to her comments when she sides with the person who bullies me? I need to limit the toxicity in my life.’
I recognise her comments will have been difficult to read.
‘I didn’t want to ignore you, but I won’t be talking about this anymore.’
For the record, I never mind if you ignore me. But I totally understand.
@Susan,
I’ve reread the “I Second That Emotion” thread and what took place after my comments (two comments to Annaamel and one comment to WC), and I need your assistance because I could not find the evidence for several of the claims you made.
I could not find where I referred to myself as an empath. In fact, I’m generally quite open about describing myself as having plenty of narcissistic traits, but that’s beside the point.
Nor could I find evidence that I attempted to chase you away from the blog.
What I did find was a substantial rewriting and repurposing of events which transformed a comment directed at Annaamel into a narrative in which you became the victim of an attack.
You claimed that I tried to chase you away from the blog, that I referred to myself as an empath, and that I somehow harassed you by referring to you as “that autistic”, whilst omitting the wider context of the exchange and the full wording of the comment itself.
Autism does remind me, in certain respects, of narcissism. Not because they are the same thing, but because self-absorption can become a significant feature. Looking at language through a highly personal lens, interpreting remarks as being about oneself when they were directed elsewhere, and then reconstructing events around that interpretation.
What I observed was a strong focus on how the event affected you, despite the fact that the comment in question was directed at somebody else.
You took offence at my observations regarding self-absorption, yet your response seems to reinforce the very point I was making.
My concern is that the diagnosis then becomes part of the explanation for why these distortions should be accepted without challenge. Meanwhile, people who were not present, or who have not reviewed the original comments, are left with a partial account of events and are asked to accept it as fact.
And once again, Annaamel appears perfectly content to make use of that misunderstanding for her own purposes.
People can review the thread themselves and draw their own conclusions.
https://narcsite.com/2025/08/02/i-second-that-emotion-27/#comment-461723
Hi Jordy,
I find the comment from Susan concerning.
My priority has always been trying to help new arrivals to the blog find the information they need. Part of that ties in to supporting them through the emotion and confusion that ensnarement creates. I remember how I felt when I first arrived on the blog, exceptionally low, fragile and I also remember those empaths who listened and offered support.
You are often very welcoming to new arrivals. You are able to handle the mixed emotions they display incredibly well, not put off by any lashing out, able to handle anger and frustration whilst understanding the role of Emotional Thinking and the impact it has.
When we see comments like Susan’s though, whilst reference to ‘that autistic’ is in my view a misinterpretation of what you wrote in your comment to Annaamel, it speaks to an honestly held general impression. When people arrive here, I think they need to see support from us all as a group, not prolonged conflict and point scoring obvious or otherwise. They certainly shouldn’t feel chased out. If they do, then that’s a fail in my view.
I’m all for debate and freedom of expression. Many empaths have been forced to hold their true opinions in, forced to lighten what they say, keep their honest opinions to themselves, don’t talk about this subject or that, be agreeable and they have been controlled and abused as a result. There is definitely a place for the person who delivers the uncomfortable truth or who holds to logic over emotion, I don’t dispute that. There’s a place for challenge, debate, conflict and expression of anger and frustration. I also don’t dispute that if people take offence at a comment they have the right to respond in a manner of their choosing. This blog in my view was never intended to be an echo chamber of agreeableness but, I do think above all else, new readers need to feel safe and supported in order to tell their stories and recover. If that opportunity is being put at risk through prolonged episodes of conflict then in my view, we need to introspect and re calibrate.
I would ask that you and in fact any long term readers who happen to read this, pause to consider our priorities. I’m not asking anyone to self moderate how they express themselves, but for me and I suspect for most of us, the priority surely has to be new arrivals to the blog. We got the information we needed, we used it to recover and move forward. This information works and we want others to access it. To do that readers need to feel comfortable enough to stay and preferably, participate. The beauty of the blog for me, was that I was able to access accurate information whilst being supported by others who shared their own experiences. For me, it is these two strands that make the blog so effective.
Can we at least agree that this should be a collective priority?
Hi TS,
When I’m repeatedly told that I’m playing victim and complaining by Jordy, it makes it difficult to share my story with newcomers. I share to empathize and show commonality.
Do you not realize that when Jordy victim shames me, she makes it difficult for others to share as well?
Josephina was appalled by the way she spoke to AV & I. She was a newcomer. She wanted to leave. I said to her it was imperative for her to stay. I suggested she could limit interacting with bloggers and just read and listen to Mr. Tudor’s material.
I do pause to consider my priorities and even with being victim shamed on a repeated basis, I’m still here trying to help others.
Leigh,
“Josephina was appalled by the way she spoke to AV and me. She was a newcomer. She wanted to leave.”
To that I can say that I was appalled by you and AV when I was a newcomer. I made one wrong comment and the two of you spent the next month whinging and seemingly hoping I would leave.
Now, either take a break, and come back when you’re divorced with a success story from which newcomers can draw inspiration…
Or stay, but stop whinging.
Hi Leigh,
“Do you not realize that when Jordy victim shames me, she makes it difficult for others to share as well?”
Good point. Great point really. Victim shaming anyone sets an expectation, that a person must be at a certain point of “recovery(?)” on the shamer’s time table. As we know, this is not how it works. People come here from all sorts of places and in any condition known to man. Arriving abused and battered, more often than not, and needing a place where all are safe. For some, any hint of unsafety will cause them to run far and fast, likely never to return. Which is the worst outcome since this is the best place for them to be, for the information they seek. For the information they need to make sense of what has happened to them and do any kind of putting the pieces of their life together.
Who is so arrogant as to impose their time frame on anyone else? Every single one of us is at some point in our own recovery, some feel pretty much recovered and others at various stages. Yet for those of us here for any period, a large part of it is helping the new person as we are able. Victim shaming does the opposite. And anyone who calls it “unflinching honest” instead of what it actually is, is not doing the newcomer any favors either. If abusive, uncontrolled and rampant “unflinching honesty” is what one can expect from fellow bloggers, and it’s not called out as abusive, uncontrolled and rampant, there is seemingly no safety here.
Because I am a long time subscriber, I know who is trustworthy. The most recent attack, on Susan, is just another example of one who is not.
Hi AV,
I agree. Everyone gets to choose what they’re going to do and how they’re going to address it, in their own time frame. Belittling someone because they haven’t done it according to their time frame is rude, not unflinchingly honest. Calling it unflinchingly honest is sugarcoating abusive behavior.
This latest attack from Jordy was unprovoked. I made a comment about Mr. Tudor,s article wondering if some might think the article was attempt at false bravado to cover up a vulnerability. Then she came out of nowhere on the attack. But I’m the one who has to check myself. I don’t think so.
Hi Leigh,
I agree, you are extremely welcoming to new arrivals and I understand why you share your own experiences as you do. I think that is a very positive thing.
I actually think that most long term readers overall are very welcoming and supportive of new arrivals to the blog, including those involved in the current bout of conflict.
I addressed a specific concern directly with Jordy and she responded.
My additional and broader comment was simply to highlight that despite often honest motivations, conflict itself if prolonged (six months for the height of this one currently) can still impact newer arrivals to the blog. I see that as an unintended consequence.
@Leigh,
You mistake Josephina for Aria.
Aria and Josephina are two readers with whom I have had far more interaction than you ever will, and whom I assisted and encouraged on many more occasions than you did.
I took the time to read their responses, understand where they were coming from, and communicate with them in a manner they found insightful, entertaining, and interesting. I can provide links which easily demonstrate that.
Josephina also took a step towards consultation because I encouraged her to do so despite her belief that her English was not good enough. Later, she thanked me for encouraging her to do it, not you.
The same applies to Aria. She wanted to leave the blog for reasons entirely different from the version you are now recounting. I had a lengthy exchange with her about those reasons, explaining what I thought might be happening and encouraging her.
Somewhere during those exchanges, you happened to join in and offered your own thoughts on why she should stay.
It is true that there was an instance where Josephina addressed me and I expressed my disgust with you and AVictor. However, the reasons for that reaction were tied to your own requests and conduct at the time, which you have conveniently omitted from your retelling.
Back then, you also oscillated between presenting yourself as the victim and acting as the provocateur, making statements such as:
“I actually hope you attack me now. It’ll show people your true colours.”
Stop rewriting history, and stop relying on pity plays and false accusations in order to paint yourself as the victim.
“When I’m repeatedly told that I’m playing victim and complaining by Jordy, it makes it difficult to share my story with newcomers. I share to empathize and show commonality.”
In my opinion, it is not particularly helpful for newcomers to discover that you are a long-term reader of seven years and remain entangled with a narcissist whom you are not eager to leave, whilst reframing your reasons as valid and making excuses for the distortions created by your own emotional thinking, all whilst presenting yourself as having significant insight into narcissistic dynamics and how to navigate them.
I agree that you seek to help newcomers and assist them by sharing links, information, and your experiences.
What I find unhelpful, however, is the creation of an atmosphere where self-pitying exchanges take place and where the narcissist is assigned the full burden of responsibility for a situation in which you continue to exercise your own choice to remain.
This includes provocative behaviour which, by your own account, you direct at the narcissist and which predictably results in challenge fuel and corresponding reactions, dynamics you are now very well educated about, yet repeatedly choose to ignore.
You understand how challenge fuel works. You understand the consequences of provoking a narcissist. You understand the likely responses. Yet those aspects are often omitted when responsibility for the ongoing dynamic is discussed.
That is one of the reasons I find your position difficult to reconcile with the level of knowledge and insight you claim to possess.
What inspiration or strength can a newcomer draw from that? Very little, in my view.
I have never criticised newcomers for sharing their stories. Usually they are seeking help on how to escape those dynamics, or they are already past them. Those who recount their escape stories are generally no longer consumed by them to the extent that they feel compelled to retell them repeatedly. They share, find validation, learn, move forward, and either leave or remain engaged with the subject matter in a broader sense.
Many of them also quietly wonder why you remain in a relationship with a narcissist after all this time. They are simply less direct than I am in asking the question.
When that question is raised, however, you appear to retreat into a familiar victim-and-perpetrator narrative, whilst continuing to share complaints about the ongoing situation in which you remain.
To me, there is a significant difference between newcomers sharing their stories whilst seeking escape, and a seasoned reader who does not seek escape and, when challenged about it, offers repeated justifications for a recurring narrative of victimhood and diminished personal responsibility.
@AVictor
Your goldfish logic could not be more damaging to someone seeking your assistance in escaping a narcissist.
Once you know, you go. You get out and you stay out.
That is the time frame.
As soon as possible.
It is not:
Try to recover whilst still in a war zone, amidst the battle.
It is:
Leave the war zone first.
Recover in a safe zone.
Scenario:
Your daughter is in an abusive relationship. What do you tell her?
a) “Take your time to recover, darling, whilst you’re still in it.”
b) “Run!”
“Because I am a long time subscriber, I know who is trustworthy.”
Whoopi-fucking-doo.
Now people know who they can count on.
TS,
This newest friction isn’t by my choice. Again, Jordy came for me. I made the choice to ignore her comments. Other bloggers made the choice to comment on them and I didn’t want to ignore those bloggers.
Trust me, I would very much prefer not be pulled into this nonsense.
Hi Leigh,
You brought up Josephina and I was reminded of a comment from her from September last year.
While she was definitely shocked and disappointed at the verbal assault she saw meted out to blog readers – https://narcsite.com/2025/10/30/forever-wrong-upon-the-throne-10/#comment-465682 – I think the reason she largely abandoned the blog was because she recognised a familiar pattern. For months afterwards I kept coming back to her comment and it definitely helped me put more pieces of the puzzle together.
Here it is: https://narcsite.com/2025/08/16/restraining-an-appliance/#comment-462276
It was taken (unsurprisingly) as a compliment but it was anything but.
‘To that I can say that I was appalled by you and AV when I was a newcomer. I made one wrong comment…’
A newcomer in June ’23?
https://narcsite.com/2022/07/18/the-narcissists-desiderata-6/
@annaamel
“For months afterwards I kept coming back to her comment and it definitely helped me put more pieces of the puzzle together.”
Here, to help complete your reality-gap puzzle.
Josephina’s comments to me:
Josephina October 14, 2025 at 10:23
“Where the hell is Jordyguin with his funny comments? I demand him in the studio!”
Josephina October 29, 2025 at 18:25
“Jordyguin Am I the only one who sees how cool you are? Seriously, that salad you create out of words — it’s magnificent. Like a master illusionist. ✨
I can’t help but wonder who’s hiding behind the nickname Jordyguin. A slightly mad (sorry!) genius, perhaps?))
What you write is so unusual… I don’t even know which word would fit best to describe what I feel.
It’s simply impossible not to notice it.
You really are very interesting.
Sometimes I read and think, “How the hell does he do that… juggling all those words, meanings, metaphors,” and so on.
Jordyguin, what you wrote about toasters and traffic lights… awesome!!!!!
It’s really magnificent.
I’ll take a screenshot and save it.
When it’s great — it’s great. Nothing more to say…”
***
And it goes on and on, as we continue to exchange thoughts and arrive at mutual understanding.
Hi Leigh, AVictor, annaamel, and everyone else on the blog.
The truth is, I didn’t leave the blog because of any particular person or group of people. I left because being here increases my emotional thinking, and that’s simply not good for me. Every new article from HG makes me want to engage, and sometimes it feels as though I’m literally interacting with a narcissist. As a result, I can’t seem to let go of the whole situation.
I usually come back whenever I find myself confused by yet another situation involving a narcissist. There are many things here that genuinely help me in the moment, but that’s a separate topic.
annaamel, regarding the familiar pattern. Your comments are certainly a bit mean at times and often come with a little jab, but they’re also so funny that it’s impossible for me to be offended. I genuinely laugh out loud when I read them.
That said, you were right. (And again, this wasn’t the reason I left the blog—you can always choose not to interact with someone if you don’t want to.) There really was a familiar pattern. Jordyguin appears to be a woman, but the way she communicated reminded me very much of my ex. The resemblance was striking. But my relationship with my ex was unbearable. It’s possible that I reacted to that familiar pattern. However, the Josephina I am today finds that kind of communication off-putting in the long run. So, for me, that interaction simply ran its course.
What genuinely puzzles me is this: Leigh and AVictor, you’ve both said that you were no longer going to interact with Jordyguin, yet you still continue to do so.
For me, once I’ve decided not to communicate with someone, I have no difficulty sticking to that decision—whether it’s on a blog or in real life. That’s why I don’t quite understand it. Especially on a blog, where it’s actually very easy to avoid interacting with someone. Real life is much more complicated.
Leigh and AVictor, I hope you’re both doing well. Thank you so much for the support you gave me in the past. I truly appreciate it.
Hi Josephina,
I’m so pleased to hear you appreciated my support.
You’re 100% correct! At some point I just have to draw a line and not engage with Jordy at all.
I hope you’re doing well too! Its been nice to see you back commenting.
Hi Josephina,
You’re welcome for three support. Glad to give it.
As far as NC with Jordy, I have not spoken to her in a really long time, I usually don’t read her comments, which is a break in NC and you’re right, I should not do that at all. Thank you for the advice. There are people here that I do read, so I am aware of the ongoing issues with Jordy, and I have commented to people regarding that. But I don’t see that as breaking NC, it is not to Jordy, it is to the other person, whoever they are. I suppose it could be perforce as breaking NC since it is on a blog where Jordy could e it potentially. But, is a person potentially seeing something a reason to not write to another person? I guess if it was going to be 100% seen and a trigger or whatever for that person, maybe, but anyone can ignore another’s comments if they want to. Like I do for several people here.
Hi Josephina. I can absolutely be mean but I hope I have not directed any mean comments towards you. I have found your contributions to the blog enlightening and they have shifted my perspective in a few ways.
P.S. Josephina,
You may also wish to listen to HG’s series on the Empath and Psychopathic Traits (Superficial Charm) available on his channel Narcissism and Psychopathy with HG Tudor.
The fact that I was able to read you and engage with you in a way you found invigorating should demonstrate that I was simply able to adapt to your personality with ease, though not for the purposes a pure psychopath would.
(To help your memory: https://narcsite.com/2025/10/13/i-just-cant-get-enough-too/#comment-465208)
I sought to help you and you thanked me, and you complimented me on numerous occasions.
The reason for that was twofold. On the one hand, I was able to mirror aspects of your personality at that time (you changed now). On the other, I also brought something genuine of myself to our exchanges by actually seeing you, looking for a solution, and trying to help you with the reason you came here in the first place.
That was after it became apparent to me that you were not a teenage girl in distress, but an interesting individual who, on the one hand, tends to project an exaggerated emotional perspective onto others, yet who is also a deep thinker and researcher.
In the end, you did find some answers. Not because of me, but because of HG’s work, consultation, all the participants who interacted with you in one way or another, and your own efforts to understand.
To portray me now in the way you have is neither accurate nor helpful if your genuine aim is to understand other people, your patients, or even yourself.
Jordyguin
You definitely see me incorrectly.
You see me through your own lens — through your projection of me. You only see what you want to see, or perhaps what you are capable of seeing.
I never truly knew my ex (because he simply never gave me the opportunity to). And he never truly knew or understood me either.
I thanked my ex many times too, so I don’t think that’s much of an indicator. When your emotional thinking is through the roof, it can make you do and say all sorts of things. There is certainly nothing to be proud of.
My memory is perfectly fine, Jordyguin. What I wrote does not contradict that.
Your contribution has been acknowledged.
Let’s leave it at that. Расходимся
Hi Joephina,
I thought I responded to you but I don’t see my response.
I’m so pleased to hear that you appreciated my support. I hope you’re doing well. Its been nice to see you commenting on the blog again.
Hi Josephina,
Just want to let you know I did write a reply to your comment of June 27, 2026 at 20:43. It hasn’t been posted, perhaps it will not be, which is fine. Since I wrote it and it has not been posted, I won’t rewrite it, but i wanted you to know I was not not responding. I hope you are well.
Truthseeker,
Agreed 🤝
I will rein myself in
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cfP8EBSIeew
Hi Jordy,
That video cracked me up. It’s the music as well, that music should be the background for most of my life right now I think!
Thank you for considering my concerns.
Love the video! Jesus throws the knife away and smiles. Not the plan it’s about love!
Also I said I thought you were an empath! Glad you took the detector!
Curious why you waited so long but glad you did!!!!!
No Jordy, I did not make mistake. You did.
Here’s Josephina’s comment.
https://narcsite.com/2025/10/30/forever-wrong-upon-the-throne-10/#comment-465682
“No Jordy, I did not make mistake. You did. Here’s Josephina’s comment.”
No.
Where, exactly, does she say what you are accusing me of?
She doesn’t.
That is a poor attempt to reinterpret her words in a way that fits your own agenda.
HG,
I have often wondered about the relationship between Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer. It’s become quite a sordid situation. Among other things, I would love to listen an analysis of each of them. I think it’s a case of Gaiman being ensnared by a Greater narcissist.
We all patiently await more on yourself, of course, through the various publications you have said are in the works.
I was wondering if you do still intend to write something on narcissism for children or, possibly teenagers?
Thank you for your suggestions WC.
Hi HG,
I would like further information about the following.
1. The Addiction. Specifically how it drives the emotions of the empath post disengagement / escape. Others I have supported experience enduring sadness. One described himself as similar to an alcoholic, choosing not to return to the narcissist whilst underneath it all still wanting to. Another has been out for a year and still feels sadness and loss. She accepts / believes that only time will resolve it. I experienced sadness too for a long time after escape, which makes me think I’m missing something. I couldn’t easily beat my own sadness, therefore perhaps I can’t adequately help with theirs. I want to know what I’m missing. Why do some empaths go through sadness, whereas others want revenge, feel anger etc? I know it isn’t down to schools, all three examples are of different lead schools, so what is the driver here?
2. Psychopathy. Ideally, a framework of different psychopath schools similar to your framework of narcissist schools, I imagine cadres would be similar to narcissist cadres.
3. Psychopathy. More on how you experience your own psychopathy. Life events, snapshots to illustrate.
4. You as a narcissistic psychopath. Drivers, which of the Prime aims and Necessary Triad take precedent in different circumstances and why ? Under what circumstances would narcissism be driving your thoughts and behaviour as opposed to your psychopathy? I feel like I could estimate the reasoning of a narcissist and of a pure psychopath but put the two together and the thinking becomes far less predictable.
5. Psychopathy. Anything. Haha!
6. I’d like you to write about the dinner party scenario you introduced.
7. Targeting. I’d like to see more targeting examples. Why women in the Asylum were targeted, why some were viewed as secondary sources without being promoted to primary, when is that decision made, how does that decision impact seduction?
8. I’d like to know how your interactions with the good doctors ended. Were there other memorable episodes that stand out to you? How do you view them both now in the context of your enhanced awareness? Were there benefits that you can now point to that enhanced your own well-being, stability, quality of life?
9. Anna’s suggestion about the blog and its impact on you.
10. Future you. What do you want for your future? How do you plan to acquire the stimulation provided by what you do professionally when you decide to step down from that role? How do you envisage your life changing? Have you noticed changes to your own temperament that might be occurring naturally now that you have a greater understanding of yourself and others?
11. I’d like to understand more about how the different empathic schools form.
12. I’d like a backpack of articles that you believe are the core articles we should give to people that come to us for help. The starting line up / foundation if you like. I kind of have my own back pack but I wonder if I’m missing something that you might include.
Thank you for your consideration.
Thank you for the suggestions TS, just a small list eh?!
Concise is my middle name after all HG!
TS: you made my wish list! Excellent requests! I hope HG provides…:)
Contagious,
Haha, did I? I hope so too.
Hi TS,
You weren’t very clear. Did you want to learn about Psychopathy? Lol!
Leigh,
See I tried really hard there. I voiced what I needed. And what do you go and do?! Hmm? Hmm?! 😉
TS,
Lol! I couldn’t resist!
TS,
I like the idea of the addiction. That’s a big part of my request about the third party hoovers issued to Swift’s exs. I think it’s a really different kind of hoover in a different than normal environment. It’s a public hoover. And I have seen such different reactions. Some that I think are the addiction…others not.
More wanting the dinner party! YES!! Please, sir. Please… *eager pleading look* We’re hooked with the promise.
I also love the future plans question. Super curious.
Hi Dani,
I really like your addition about the psychological techniques introduced by the therapists. That would be very interesting to know. I wonder if HG has surreptitiously passed some of them on to us already, or taken a technique and improved upon it?
The mirror technique?! Similar idea, different script!
Xx
Hi Truthseeker!
I wondered if some had been passed on already as well. And I wonder what ways Mr. Tudor found to thwart them when applied against him.
Imagine it…HG sitting there with steepled fingers behind a fine desk. Everything has a place, and everything is in its place. A fine suit in black or deep charcoal with a white shirt and a lovely tie held in place by a Death Star tie clip (every image should have a tinge of whimsy). The painted black appliance tries to explain as icy blue eyes drill a hole through appliance’s skull. The brilliant mind percolates with a dozen ideas for exacting future retribution as the appliance begs forgiveness.
*Wanders off, pondering the image*
I’d never wear a tie clip.
Hahaha!
Good to know, Sir. Tie clip deleted…
I shall alter my mental image to include…a Death Star mug on the desk holding steaming hot tea to keep the vocal chords of the Darth Tudor lubricated. The sun shines through the window behind him, casting a ethereal golden glow around the darkness…I hope this is better. I need whimsy…
Dani –
Great visuals.
And this so cracked me up:
“I hope this is better. I need whimsy…”
Dani,
nooooo,
never a white shirt!!
Go back to start 😉
Well, Z…if I must start again…
I imagine some wayward appliance approaching a deliciously tan man on the beach. He’s wearing only tangerine board shorts as he soaks up the sun. His sharp eyes spot a fin in the shallows…A brunette lady wearing a Princess Leia slave costume bathing suit sits beside him holding a drink tray and a bowl of fresh berries and pineapple. He pets her thigh and she giggles. The failed appliance stutters…trying to explain himself…A long elegant finger points to the waves…and the appliance begins a long march…as a guitar is played…the Jaws theme song.
Hello truthseeker6157,
HG has touched on the first part of your number 10 a little in the most recent livestream from November 2024 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB9QGYi9vts, about 1 hour and 11 minutes in.
Hi Anna,
Thank you for posting the link and finding the relevant section for me. That’s really kind, I appreciate it. 🙂
You are welcome, Truthseeker6157, no problem.
Dear HG,
It would be great if you cover the following in the future:
1. Character traits. Can they change over time or/and due to abuse ? Like for example, love devotee – can several heartbreaks reduce it to a minimum level? Or anger?
2. Empath creation. Especially, the part about the environment. Does empath also either “slowly cooked” or in instance or born that way? Can an empath be born in a family without an abuse?
3. Narc Island. If I may suggest, just as an idea for men’s one, to do an island with a mix of narcs and psycopaths and play it like in mafia game. You appoint two or one killers among them in your mind. Each night after some interaction between them, someone dies and voters have to guess who is it. If correctly, throw this man into the ocean. If not, murders continues. Though maybe YT won’t like a video with killing or throwing into the ocean some political leaders. So probably no politicians to be included then.
4. 20 things HG loves/hates now or 20 more things HG wants you to know. An update would be interesting.
5. Ensnared series. 3rd part. I really love the intro and the ending music.
This series is very special to me, because of the circumstances under which I (binge) listened to it. I was in a small guest room, upstairs, lying in the bed, in the dark, watching the snow heavily falling behind the window against a light from a street lamp. I made a decision to file a divorce after holidays are over and already thought throw the steps I need to take to move out. I was just waiting. At that moment, I already absolutely didn’t care about his present silent treatments, he was engaged in, downstairs, pretty much all the time. I wasn’t chasing him asking what is wrong or please talk to me.
And my door was closed. Really CLOSED. Such a simple phrase – the door is closed. What does it mean? It means that you don’t want anyone to enter – simple as that, isn’t it? Who has never experienced that, wouldn’t understand. In my home, I did try to close/lock the doors, but it meant nothing for him. I cloudn’t hide, just be in my world, without an invasion. He would do things that would really creep me out. Due to his background and certain training, he was able to move very silently, like in a stealth mode. It was difficult for me to notice his movement. He often scares me off by jumping next to me unexpectedly from a corner or smth. Or I would be in our bedroom, with just bedside light, reading smth. The door is closed!! We had an armchair, diagonal from me, in the corner. So I continued to read, convinced I’m alone in the room. And then I would accidentally lift my eyes and in this almost dark corner, I would see him sitting in the armchair, just staring at me with a dead face. This was so creepy. It would freak me out. How long he was here? 20 mins, 30 ? It would be one, two seconds pause, while he continues to stare and then he would begin to laugh and say he was just joking, and that I should have seen my face. My objection, that I didnt find this fucking funny at all was dismissed. Or it could be, that he somehow gets under the blanket in the bed, probably while I went to a bathroom, and I wouldn’t notice the bump. And then like in some fucking “Grudge” movie, he would touch my leg, causing me to leap out from the bed, screaming. Again he would simply laugh. He would film me in the shower often, though I LOCKED the door, this hand with the phone. Fucking stop doing that. Squeaking sound of a baby monitor cameras following me.
Though I told him at the beginning how I hate such unexpeted things/surprises. Maybe others don’t and find this amusing too, but I hate it. How my abuser stalked me, so when I was outside, the world would seem to be behind a thick noise-muffled glass, people are laughing, walking, talking, doing things and me would just try to get from point A to point B thinking to myself, did he finally leave me alone or not. And then after several days had passed of not hearing anything from him, he would suddenly jump in front of me smiling, out of nowhere on the street. At the end, it almost drove me to commit a suicide, as the only way to escape him.
Now ofc, I understand, why my ex husband was doing it. He is a narcissist. But at the time, I couldn’t really get it how he says he loves me and keeps doing smth I hate so much.
So therefore, when I was listening to Ensnared Series, with a closed door, alone in a guest room, without him, absolutely determined to leave , it was a special state of my mind, like I’m coming back to life. I wanted to dig out myself from this grave. And since I figured that he is probably a midranger, I knew from HG’s videos, he wouldn’t try to physically prevent me from leaving and packing my things. I still wasn’t sure, but it turned out to be the case, luckily.
Now it’s such a pleasure not to sit in the car after work for an hour, just because I didnt want to go home. Plus my phone now remains in an exact spot where I left it, not mysteriously moving to another place.
Sorry, for so long message, I’ve just wanted to empathize how I would like to hear the continuation of an ensnared series and I hope Ian would escape Ashley, like me.
Thank you for your thoughts Arya and in particular the personal circumstances surrounding Ensnared.
Hi Arya,
It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You told your ex narc that you didn’t like to be surprised like that. He used that information against you, trashed your boundaries and went ahead repeatedly scaring you anyway.
I’m glad you found the strength to leave when you did. I’m thankful that Ensnared gave you the final push to do what had to be done. I hope that there is another series of Ensnared too. Next time you can curl up and listen in peace.
Xx
Ary, wow! The circumstances surrounding your departure… scary.
Arya,
What an asshole! I’m glad you got away!
Wow! That is horrible. So glad you’re away Arya. ❤️
I also wanted to second empathy creation as a topic, HG. Thank you.
Arya: you are my hero! Well done! So happy you escaped!
Dear HG, thank you for the immense clarity and knowledge you share through your work. Your articles have been invaluable for me and for so many others who are trying to understand and overcome narcissistic abuse. I was wondering if you might consider completing some series that have remained unfinished for years, which many of us readers would find extremely valuable:
The Narcissistic Path – the third part addressing the periods concerning escape and discard.
Exposure during Escape – the scenario of exposure following discard.
But What If He Is There Too? – Part Two – scenarios when escaped the narcissist. Part Three, focusing on what can be done to protect oneself in these scenarios.
The Blast From the Past Hoover – explaining what the narcissist seeks, what they think during this type of hoover, and the different forms it may take.
The Deathbed Narcissist – continuing with The Upper Lesser Type B, the LMR, the MMR (Type A and B), and the UMR.
These topics feel very important and would be greatly appreciated by many of us if you could return to them.
Thank you for considering this.
Thank you for the suggestions.
The Deathbed Narcissist complete set has been finished as a book and just requires editing.
This is exciting!
HG, is the “editing” part awaiting an epilogue of Matrinarc’s ‘time’ when it comes?
Ha ha, you could very well think that.
“The Deathbed Narcissist complete set”
Can’t wait!
Thank you for giving us this opportunity! I would very much like to find out more about the impact of all this blog/online interaction on you. What changes, if any, have you noticed in yourself over the course of these ten years? We know it has made you more effective, but has it given you anything beyond that to share so much of your inner life with us and learn about ours in return?
Duly noted.
Seeing an example of how the blog has made you more effective would be fascinating as well, as long as you do not feel it would have a negative impact on people’s willingness to share.
I love that suggestion, Anna Plyance!
Hi AP,
I think this is a fantastic idea too! I hope Mr. Tudor agrees!
Love this suggestion AP!
Hello HG,
Congrats my friend on your wonderful achievement of reaching a huge milestone of 10 years on your blog! You do amazing work and I am very honored to be your YouTube friend and that we have done several collaborations together. Your work and knowledge are impeccable and you are in a class all your own.
I would love to have you continue your Into the Woods Series and your Educating HG series as both of these are left on a cliff hanger.
All the best,
Michelle
Royal Daily Tea
Thank you Michelle. Both of those will be appearing in books which I am working on.
I can’t wait for all these new books, Mr. Tudor! I’m very excited!
Same Leigh! Super excited to read them!
Mr. Tudor–
I think I have already said…but I will say again…as I like giving you fuel and control from this distance.
What I would like to see more of:
I want cliffhangers resolved for:
“If you go into the woods…” — You left David stranded up a tree and Clare trapped in your icy gaze.
“When This One’s Wife met HG” — You mention getting back at the hornet’s fan later for his behaviour…and we didn’t get the front row seat to your thoughts during a speech given by She-of-the-Beige-and-Banal. Regarding this series…you also mentioned something about the Ultra attending the Wedding of Ginge and Whinge…Details, sir, details. (holds up hands imploringly and gazes into the shadowy chair where Mr. Tudor sits with shining hopeful eyes)
“Educating HG” — I’m sure you seduced all the young women in that house…and if they found out about it…it is worth knowing. You’ve also hinted at other stories–like getting even with secondary school teachers that I would like more of.
“Restraining an Appliance” — Please don’t leave it there. There are way too many unanswered questions…and I have guesses about what happened and how it happened.
New Stories about HG:
When Cordon (A**hole) met HG — I want to know…so badly…so so much…what that annoying narcissist did to earn such scorn from the Ultra.
A story with you and another self-aware narcissistic psychopath interacting would be incredible, the higher the stakes the better–especially if you give them a proper slap so they know their place.
If you could juxtapose two stories with the same IPPS where one time a negative behaviour was directed at someone (like a scathing comment to waiter who brought the wrong order) and it benefited her (she got what she ordered as she ordered it) as much as you (you controlled the waiter) and then an instance where that behaviour is redirected at her (she made you a dinner you liked the week before when she was painted white but you claim to hate it that day because she’s now painted black). Preferably with her seeing the parallel between her previous benefit from that behaviour when not on the receiving end. I don’t know if something like that has ever happened, and the example may be a bad one…but it’s all I can think of that’s close to what I mean and it’s not really perfect. What impact does it have on victims when they have benefited from what could be seen as bad behaviours from the narcissist when they are in the victim’s place, if any?
Anything and everything where you are part of the story.
Tudor Scopes generally for YouTube. I like the mini ones for historical figures as well as the full length ones. I would enjoy a full length for Diana, Princess of Wales. And I think many listeners would also enjoy that. (I would especially love to hear what you thought when you met her…as you mentioned that you had…but you were young and you didn’t know her. What did young HG think of the famous magnet empath, the most loved royal of my lifetime in the world?) Please complete Tom Hardy. Please, sir.
If you could cover something about how third party hoovers for relationships long over affect victims–like how people repeatedly ask Swift’s exs about her. How do those third party hoovers affect her victims when they happen years later and how does that victim’s classification of empath, normal, etc. also cause difficulty for them or others they know? A narcissist/narcissistic person might snap back and make it stop more quickly. An empath might not want to do that. We’ve got some of their responses in audio and/or visual. (Swift is really the best example I know of this particular hoover. I don’t think she’s orchestrating the majority of it.) The 22 second phone call breakup hang-up pout she had…and her ex’s response was finally something like…”Yeah…but she never said who hung up on whom.” To me Swift is a unique situation where it is more likely to happen–Swift is world famous and most hoovers are probably not coming from people in her inner circle/her lieutenants/coterie.
I really want to know more about what creates the empath schools and cadres. What similarities of story are shared (if any) by contagion empaths? What similarities by Supers? What keeps the standard empath “Standard”? You’ve described Standard as the cake of all empaths. I’ve come to think of the majority schools as being more heavily iced cakes…and whatever minority schools a majority contagion, super, or codependent has…I think of as piped roses or sprinkles. What drives the triggers for different behaviour triggers for quad hybrids…if someone is carrier/martyr/geyser/saviour…what triggers each cadre? How can we learn our triggers to get out of a rut where our behaviour is causing us trouble?
The pie chart of majority schools of empath–standard, super, codependent, contagion, hybrid. Majority Cadre…and if a bar graph or another chart could be done with percentage total with that cadre. The percentages of those with magnet, with martyr, etc. no matter how small. And maybe comparison of amounts, insignificant, significant, etc…that might all take too long…I’d still be interested. But whatever you think would be most efficient. I’m curious.
Those are my major wishes right now. Thank you so much for the opportunity to ask for what we’re wanting more of.
Thank you for the comprehensive list. Dani.
Thank you for answering. I’m glad to provide big lists…when invited.
Also there was a story where you mentioned attending a dinner party and how you interacted with the attendees…I’m really interested in that.
I’m really grateful that I found your work. It’s a source of reassurance to be able to come here and read some articles when I am thinking about contacting someone who treated me poorly. It’s just the reminder I need sometimes…emotional thinking is tough to deal with…but I believe with your work…it gets easier.
Hi Dani,
I like reading your comments, a lot of times you have ideas I didn’t think about and I often find myself wanting the same answers as you. Xx
Thank you, Rebecca.
Hi Dani, regarding the video you mentioned…..yes, I’d like to see the follow up to that story. It was the quiet one that piqued me.
hi Asp Amp! I’m just so excited to read more of whatever Mr. Tudor shares…
Looking forward to upcoming publications about Educating HG and such. I really want them in audio…there’s nothing like listening to HG tell his story.
Hi Dani, sorry I missed your reply sooner…..
video format serves as an audio and visual (whether it includes moving picture or not). I do enjoy the video analyses. I found HG’s story about being drunk at 4 years old rather amusing. Knowing HG series revealed quite a lot and I’m glad he shared that so that people can understand more about him as a person and why he’s doing his work.
Oh yes, Dani, The Analysis! It would be fantastic to see that continued, and I know of several people who would be absolutely thrilled as well.
HI AP,
What is this video that you guys are talking about? It sort of sounds familiar but I can’t put my finger on it.
Can you put a link to it here?
The video is called “The Analysis”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOmdg4eHQ1k
(No need to thank me, HG’s fingers must be close to overheating and setting fire to things all on their own with the deluge of comments he has been moderating for the anniversary!)
Hello HG:
I concur the origins of empaths and narcissist and their schools and cadres is my top choice
But I personally cannot get enough of your tudorscopes as it is like homework, I take what I have learned and do my own analysis. It keeps me on my toes! Anyone you do is interesting but I previously gave you a list of famous women in history. Anyway I have bought every book, most everything in the knowledge vault and merchandise…. I still think you should sell your art and develop a spray called narc repellent lol.
Always a loyal fan!
Thank you Contagious.
Dani,
Its so nice to see your name pop up! You’ve been quiet lately and I was hoping you were ok.
“A story with you and another self-aware narcissistic psychopath interacting would be incredible, the higher the stakes the better–especially if you give them a proper slap so they know their place.” – I would love to hear about that too!
Hi Leigh,
I’m not sure if there has ever Bern a major interaction with another self aware narcissistic psychopath that can be shared. But an empath can ask…when invited by the Ultra.
The creation of various schools and cadres of both narcissists and empaths, how they come to be.
More about what it is in the empath that makes them accept, and sometimes seem to seek out, the narcissist. The addiction fleshed out a bit, maybe in regard to the different schools and cadres. I feel like our addiction is more to that underlying need than to the narcissist sometimes.
How you’re doing, where things are at in relation to your life, has Shieldmaiden been replaced, are you considering retiring from your career any time soon, things like that. Not trying to pry of course, but you are interesting.
I will love anything new that you do, as I have enjoyed and appreciate what you have always done.
Thank you A Victor, duly noted.
Oh Mr. Tudor,
I’d like to know if Shieldmaiden has been replaced too. How long was her golden period & devaluation? If you have disengaged from her, how long was she the IPPS? Was she the longest?
Sorry Leigh & AV,
I don’t know why my post fell within the Shieldmaiden conversation – I swear I thought scrolled down to the main comment box.
But I second that: an update on the Shieldmaiden would be welcome.
No problem WC, yours is a great request!
That’s ok, WC! Its always nice to see your comments pop up!
HG,
Although this may fall under the more general topic of the formation of the schools & cadres of narcissists, I wonder about the specific and often glaring differences between two narcissists. For example, TOW vs Camilla, in the context of the Royal Family – what is the difference that caused TOW to be unable to harness the residual benefits etc., of being part of the RF and instead, flouncing off to Canada and later the US? Whereas, Camilla, as an LMRN and a less capable narcissist, was able to successfully be at Charles’ side and fulfill her role dutifully – and even improve her image with the British people and the world at large?
Is it that Camilla is more intelligent, or is it down to the fact that she was already part of British culture to begin with? Was TOW’s inability to gracefully accept a role in the RF due to her upbringing, always getting what she wanted and being daddy’s little princess? Is she extra-entitled, as a narcissist? Is that even a thing – do some narcissists have a bigger sense of entitlement than average?
These are some things I wonder about…
I have made a note WC.
Thank-you HG.
Ooh interesting question WC. I’m really intrigued to know this too.
Thank-you Alexis Smith & AV…
Actually, HG’s video on TOW, ‘The Making of the Little Princess’ – just posted today -provides some context and interesting pieces of the puzzle.
Thank-you, HG.
Love these questions WC. Look forward to any answer HG may give to them.
Good question about Shieldmaiden, AV!
Aw, it’s just me being nosy. I have thought many times of her and hoped she’s okay. But I understand that it is personal for HG and that he may not wish to share.
LOL, AV! Me too! I just want to be nosy! I hope Mr. Tudor indulges my nosiness, but its totally understandable if he doesn’t.
If you please, HG….
Tom Hardy. What is he?
Thank you.
I think you’re a very good listener, Mr. Tudor.
There are 3 that I’d like you to finish. The book about The Creature, the Educating HG series & your Into the Woods series.
Thank you.
Thank you Leigh, I have made a note.
Dear HG,
I hope you finish and publish your book, LITTLE BOY LOST, i think was the title? Anyway, I would love for you to finish it. Xx❤️❤️
Rebecca,
I second that!
Mr. Tudor,
May I add to my list? I’d like you to finish “Little Boy Lost” too.
Dear HG,
I would like you to expand on:
How empaths are made, how psychopaths are made, how narcissistic psychopaths are made.
What are the different Schools and Cadres of the Psychopath? I know there are different degrees of psychpathy from growing up with my psychpath brother. Please expand on the degrees of psychopathy.
Please expand on the psychopathic traits in empaths. I found that very enlightening and want to dig further into it.
Please expand on your schools and cadres of the different empaths.
Thank you, HG! Xx❤️❤️
Thank you Rebecca, I have made a note.
Thank you, HG! I’m eager and ready to learn more from you! I’m still hungry for more knowledge and I’m happy I came to your garden of many fruits! Xx❤️❤️
Thank you, HG for all your work and knowledge, and for your replies to my questions and comments! Xx❤️❤️
I love your suggestions, Rebecca. Especially expanding on psychopathic traits in empaths.
Thank you Dani, I liked your suggestions too. Xx
I didn’t know this was a thing.. interested to learn more!
I find the idea of the creation of the creature kind of hard to grasp (I may not have read enough here yet tho) so this in relation to narcissists would be helpful too.