Somatic Shakedown




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Understand more about the way they look, their attitudes towards clothing, fitness and fashion, their characteristics, the way they regard home improvement, material items and appliances, delivered into their approach to money matters, how their delusions manifest, intellectualism and sporting prowess and of course, sex. An encyclopaedic array of entertaining material which will have you informed, surprised and amused. Be taken on a detailed your of the various similarities and differences across the wide range of sub-schools, from Lower Lesser all the way through to Upper Greater. Many of you will have been ensnared by Somatic Narcissists, now it is time to get even…..

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HG Tudor as The Ultra has no allegiance to other narcissists and for you this is a good thing.

You are about to be educated and entertained as HG Tudor takes each cadre of narcissist and gives them a compact mauling for their failings and their collective disgrace to the narcissist brethren! This bulletin provides you with a mass of information about Somatic Narcissists, so you can understand more about this particular cadre, its similarities and differences within the cadre itself.

HG has summoned the various groups of narcissists before him as he delivers this compact mauling about their shortcomings which result in his visceral disgust for them. This mauling will enable you to understand far more about the characteristics of the relevant cadre of narcissist which includes the following

1. The differences within the Somatic Group affected by the various sub-schools

2. Appearance

3. Overall approach to impact on the control of others

4. The nature of dynamics with romantic partners, friends, family and colleagues.

5. Differing styles of behaviour and how this manifests

6. The weaknesses of these narcissists

7. The self-perception adopted by these narcissists

8. How they approach manipulations

and more.

This collection will enable you to understand far more about what each cadre looks like and how they behave which adds to your armoury of knowledge. Even better, it is delivered in the form of a mauling from HG Tudor so you can gain a vicarious pleasure from his verbal volleys without any risk to you.

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60 thoughts on “Somatic Shakedown

  1. leelasfuelstinks says:

    Oh yes the Somatics! This is my favorite HG Mauls. Interestingly, the Somatics appear somehow more human to me than the Cerebrals. Could be because Patri Narc is a Somatic and it´s familiar to me but the Cerebrals appear to me way “colder” and so much more “Android” than the Somatics. I met two Cerebrals, while one is actually Elite, but more on the cerebral side. They appeared to me more robotic, crueler, nastier, meaner and way more damaging than the Somatics.

    Besides I can spot a Somatic much easier than a Cerebral or cerebral leaning Elite. I would say, that is my own personal impression, that the Cerebrals and cerebral leaning Elites are more dangerous than the Somatics. At least for me.

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      The somatic idiotic that I was with suffered a total transformation. When we were just friends, he even looked like the typical nerd with glasses that was kind-hearted and loved to entertain friends at home. All of a sudden he “confesses his love” to me and starts morphing into a gym poster, eventually becoming a social media slut in the literal sense. Now, I have to be careful as both this idiot and the guy I mentioned above know each other, though they are not exactly friends. It is a small world, here in academic Narcland!!

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        Is he really a Somatic? Could it be that he´s maybe Elite?

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          If HG said he is somatic, he is somatic.

    2. Jasmin says:

      I must agree with you that the Somatics are easy to spot. Much easier than Elite and Cerebral.

    3. alexissmith2016 says:

      different agendas I guess Leela, that said I can think of a couple of somatics who can be quite cruel. One is likely some sort of Lesser and whilst I always got on okay with her, I certainly witnessed the damage she can do even though not the most intelligent. Another, very intelligent, definitely somatic. Again thankfully not someone I ever got on the wrong side of, although from what I have observed and with this one, especially with triangulation between IPs, he can be incredibly cruel.

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        Oh yes, I know Alexis! Somatics can be very cruel. I´m the child of one and the ex of one. They can be terrible, but what I thought of is that Cerebrals and cerebral leaning Elites are way more subtle, so that you don´t notice the abuse immediately. I had a cerebral boss and a cerebral leaning elite “friend”. While I quickly could notice the abuse of the Upper Mid Range Somatic (my own Patri Narc) and the Upper Lesser Type A Somatic (my ex), I totally missed the red flags with the Cerebrals. Both, my former boss and my Middle Mid Ranger Type A False Angel stabbed me behind my back. They smeared me, they took the subtle way to abuse me and other people. That´s why I said that they may be more dangerous, because you don´t realize first that you are being smeared and abused.

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          Completely agree, it is really subtle with the elites.

          Yes, I’m mildly concerned re a MMR type A who I suspect may smear me. He’s a stakeholder whom I usually interact with a few times per year. I’ve moved on, completely away from his clutches ans he has desperately tried to seduce me for the past five years or so without success. I’m aware from another fucking stakeholder! Not even one he works closely with, it was a one off interaction! That he told them, ‘he ans I were close’, we were bloody well not! And it was highly inappropriate for him to have said this to such a person. He’s absolutely mad (although covering it up well) that I’ve escaped him for good. I know HG says never say never, so I realise I will get hoovers from time to time, but at least never again in person. He has contacts where I am relocating to and I’m sure he’ll be telling them how close we were/are. Ewwwy ewwwy! Absolutely the most grotesque thing in the entire world.

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        I agree Alexis. Mine was not the devil, but his coldness was really cruel. That was the shocking moment of realization HG talks about for me.

        1. leelasfuelstinks says:

          I personally experienced the Somatics as loud, arrogant, boastful with brutal and cruel verbal lash outs directly on me. The Cerebrals were way more sneaky, smart, two faced. So at least I did not see the abuse at the beginning, I noticed that something is off but could not point my finger on it.

        2. alexissmith2016 says:

          Coldness is the absolute worst SP! I hate that. At least have a bloody row so I can feel better, even if it does fuel you hahaha

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Exactly! I hate reptilians.

  2. Sweetest Perfection says:

    The somatic times are gone, time to study the MRN! I’m being hoovered at the moment. An email out of nowhere after almost 10 years; pity play that easily predicts the lockdown divorcee news; an open schedule to let me see he’s not attached to anyone’s constraints at the moment, and a signature that appeared only after I emailed back pointing out his recent academic promotion. And the news that he’s fully vaccinated, in case I have second thoughts. Hahaha!! What did I do to deserve this???

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      I’m not sure he’s a narcissist but I can sense he is. When we had more contact in the past -he’s an old colleague- I always thought he was magnetic but there was something off, and he was incredibly haughty. I’m going on research. I know HG won’t approve.

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        You´re the same school of Empath as I am. Trust your feeling. It´s our logic and our empathy which is giving us signals. If you sense that something is off, it very probably IS! Trust your gut feeling and take the NDC if there´s enough information about that individual. Then you can be sure and GOSO asap!

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          I know, Leela! I am not interested in a relationship. He probably is but that’s his problem. I said the somatic times are over because the narc I was involved with is a somatic UL. This other guy seems to me elite and not an UL but more in the middle. He came out of nowhere after years of not talking to him -not my choice, I really admired his discipline and wanted to make friends with him but he was really petulant- . Now he seems super impatient to meet for a coffee or a drink. I received his email at night, I didn’t respond until the following morning. I sent my reply at 9:45 and got an answer back at 9:46!!!! So I decided to test him and set a few boundaries to see how he reacted. He was waiting to know what my schedule was like as his was “totally open.” I emailed him back and told him I am really busy with a lot of meetings -which is not untrue- and would prefer to make plans for next week. Then I said I could only meet from this hour to this other and not on this certain day because I had an appointment. Since my last email yesterday, I have been suffering the silent treatment hahaha!!!! I’ll let you know how this progresses. I am willing to meet with him just out of curiosity, but if he confesses to me that he had always secretly loved me I am gonna have a hard time not exploding with laughter in his face.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            If he is a narcissist, you will be on the shelf rather than “suffering the silent treatment” unless you are emailing him repeatedly since yesterday, in which case you are being given repeated silent treatments.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Emailing him repeatedly? Hahahahaha!!! No. I don’t even do that when I like the guy.

          3. Sweetest Perfection says:

            In any case thanks for the clarification, HG. I am just observing this with curiosity, though emotionally I don’t care if it’s one or the other since I’m not invested. I used to like this guy when I was single, but once the crush is over I don’t see the attractiveness anymore. It’s like drinking a flat Coca Cola.

          4. leelasfuelstinks says:

            I´m really curious what happens and especially how you react to him and maybe his Love Bombing.

          5. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I actually feel forced, like when you have to attend some event you really don’t want to go to because you prefer to stay at home reading a book. I know I could say no but I feel obliged and don’t want to be rude. If I had received this email 10+ years ago, I would have followed him like a puppy. It’s interesting how time really puts things into perspective.

          6. leelasfuelstinks says:

            It is just incredible how we have the same thoughts. All those were exactly my thoughts by interacting with my narc back then. Exactly the same!

          7. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Update: I got another email saying he’s looking forward to meeting any time this week. Why is he so interested? Boredom? Urgency to communicate he is dying? FUEL DEFICIT?

          8. leelasfuelstinks says:

            FUEL! What else!

          9. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I’ll let you all know soon. We’re meeting later today.

          10. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Red flags: he’s obviously divorcing (no surprise here), he’s talking shit about his wife (obviously she is to blame for everything), he mirrored me a couple of times, he tried to flirt a few times too, and he monopolized the conversation which he used to do in the past as well. He’s still good looking but I would think he’s a cerebral. Or a victim. Hahaha the irony!!! Just when I complained I am tired of somatics! My stomach didn’t feel queasy next to him though, maybe he is just lonely and curious to see if I was available.

          11. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Which in any case would be breaking boundaries since he knows I’m married. I am very inclined to help him cheer up, become his best friend for support, meet often for intellectual conversation (that is really appealing btw), and adopt him if necessary. I’m an idiotic empath.

          12. Jasmin says:

            Set some boundaries = challenging individual. The Elite likes that.
            If you haven’t thougt about this individual during the past years then I wouldn’t recommend you to meet him. After all, you as an empath have an addition to narcissists and engaging with them result hightened ET. Why play with the fire?
            Take care and good luck whatever you decide.❤

          13. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Thank you, Jasmin. Yes, it’s like being a mouse that is contemplating having a coffee with a snake. It’s just an innocent coffee, right? What could go wrong?

          14. Witch says:

            All that is just the addiction talking!
            Block that bitch

          15. Chihuahuamum says:

            Hi Sweetest Perfection…i feel the exact same way about the previous narc flat coca cola lol I cant imagine why i was ever interested. I have had curiousity how he’s doing but that’s my nosey side lol It is amazing how things can change! I used to get emails, but never replied and since the pandemic he’s stopped. Hopefully he’s alive snd kicking in Liverpool. I think he gave up or maybe has latched on to a new source.

          16. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Hi Chihuahuamum, naturally, because time passes for everyone, and for some people in a more noticeable way than for others, and because unlike them, we are not inclined to show up after ten years to test the waters. Who does that? A narc.

        2. A Victor says:

          Leela, would all schools of empaths trust their feeling, their logic and empathic signals?

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Good question. I have no idea 🤷‍♀️ Ask H.G.! 😊

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I know I didn’t trust mine the first time and the signs were obvious. I got physically sick every time I was near the narc. Now I know better.

    2. Violetta says:

      “What did I do to deserve this???”

      You emailed back pointing out his recent academic promotion.

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        I didn’t say that Violetta. For clarification, this was the whole interaction: He: Hey, How are you? Long time no talk. I was catching up with this other colleague the other day and your name came up and was wondering how you are doing. Me: Hi! Yes it’s been long! How’s the pandemic treating you? I miss the days when we all could hang out and grab a drink at the end of the semester. I hope your fine, glad to hear from you! He: Hey do you want to meet for a coffee or a drink? My schedule is fully open (in this email he added his new academic signature and I noticed it. Me: here I said I preferred next week and a specific hour range. The end. I didn’t mention his promotion to him.

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        I see the confusion, Violetta. My bad, the syntax in this line: “and a signature that appeared only after I emailed back pointing out his recent academic promotion” should rather read in this order: “and a signature pointing out his recent academic promotion that appeared only after I emailed back.” In any case, he didn’t email me for anything I did to cause a hoover (that I know of, you know, he could have seen my face on his morning toast). His email came out of nowhere.

        1. Violetta says:

          Okay, got it.
          Should you have answered the initial email? I’m not sure if I can see enough of a pattern in your previous interactions to say he’s a narc. For all I know, he was just something of a stuck-up jerk and grew out of it.

          Just tread carefully. And review Red and Black Flags. I’m not sure what constitutes Critical Mass, but if you find he’s ticking multiple items in HG’s list, start distancing yourself. Resist the temptation to meet him Just Once to show him how hot you now look since you got that gym membership/new hairstyle/new outfit, etc.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Well, that’s a good question. If I were absolutely sure he is a narc, my honest answer is “no, I wouldn’t have answered that email.” Because I still don’t know, and I try to be polite with colleagues regardless of how pretentious they have acted in the past (which is common in academia as you well know), my spontaneous reaction was to reply in a friendly manner. I am a sucker for everything related to this guy’s field of research so much so that, in the past, I would sit in his classes to audit his lectures (speak of giving fuel, ha! If he is a narc he definitely had a gas tank in me). So I felt obliged to respond out of respect and gratitude. But there’s more. I have a slight suspicion that maybe, just maybe, somatic narc talked about me post-escape. If this guy has received any info from the smear campaign, it could be that he has gotten the impression that I am a little too liberal about my marriage, using a euphemism. I need to find out what the fuck is going on. So I really don’t want to meet with him to show him that I’m hotter than ten years ago, but to figure out if there’s something sketchy behind this sudden urge to be my friend. It doesn’t hurt to look great while playing detective, though. Because it’s true that those ten years look better in me than in him. And… there go my vanity traits!! Haha

    3. A Victor says:

      This is a bit scary, as in me scared for you. I don’t know nearly as much as you do about narcissism but using the word “hoover” to describe this sounds worrisome. I hope you are very careful SP.

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        I can relate to that very well. “I know I should not, but I´m curious, what happens, if….”……oh, oops! 😊

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Curiosity killed the cat, Leela! I know I know!!! I haven’t talked to him since though. Hopefully he realized I am not dropping everything (including my panties) to meet him, and he will try to lure someone else.

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Exactly! 😂 I know, I would act the same way. 😊

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Leela, I don’t know if you also have a high percentage of vanity traits like I do but since we seem to act similarly, please tell me I’m not crazy: I have no interest in meeting this guy and won’t push it if he doesn’t respond anymore; having said that, I would want to look my best if that happens.

          3. leelasfuelstinks says:

            You are not crazy! And yes, I´m high in narcissistic traits, a large portion of vanity among them, but mainly defiance and pride 😉 And yes, I fully understand you, because I am the same! Exactly the same here! You know what?

            With my recent narc I was zero interested in sex or anything romantic. I was even terrified that he may want something like that. And then: He´s a withholder, a cerebral-leaning Elite who is zero interested in sex. And Leela is pissed off! 🤪😂 Terrified that he may want me but then pissed off when he rejected. 🤪 So, there it is, the vanity and the pride! Hurray!

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Wow, Leela, I had the exact opposite experience with the somatic (understandably so). Because we both were colleagues and had been “friends” for a while, when we got entangled and he started revealing his somatic tendencies I felt like a peace of meat. I made every effort to redirect our conversations to more intellectual issues, or at least to try to discuss feelings (ha, little did I know) but he immediately went back to all things sex. So in my case, I was missing the cerebral aspect! Listening to HG’s recording about somatics made me realize how fucking shallow they are.

          5. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Haha, SP! And exact the opposite here. When it came to talking about sex or making dirty jokes (which is very common among friends here), he got utterly disgusted, sulked and then quickly changed the subject of the conversation. 😂😂 Sex was a topic which ignited his fury. 😂 Witnessed this in three narcs. They got utterly disgusted, their fury was ignited and they lashed out. 😂 Two Elites, one Cerebral.

            The fully Somatics loved to talk about sex, I can testify on that one 😉 😂 When it comes to talk about sex, they´re in!

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Yes, but at least in my case, it was all talk 😤

          7. leelasfuelstinks says:

            And in my case I was seen as disgusting whore. 😂

          8. Sweetest Perfection says:

            You never win!

          9. Sweetest Perfection says:

            ***piece of meat. My phone corrected it and I didn’t notice until I saw the comment posted, oops.

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        I feel it is a hoover. And when I saw the email it’s the first thought I had in my mind. Also, a normal or an empath would not react like a child if the other person tells him to postpone the meeting for professional reasons, I for example would be disappointed but would answer something like: I understand, no worries! Let’s catch up next week. HG said if he’s a narc, he put me on the shelf. Blessed the damned shelf!

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          I blessed and cursed at the same time that makes no sense haha. Anyway I’m happy to be on the imaginary shelf.

        2. leelasfuelstinks says:

          You know what? Narcs mostly preferred me on the shelf. 😂 I couldn´t really get along with them: neither with the Somatic, nor with the Cerebrals.

          I fought back pretty quickly either to defend myself because I didn´t feel pretty enough or I was way too proud to give in when it came to intellectual discussions (and I knew that the clear facts are on my side)! 😂

          I have never been submissive enough, I have always been too hard to control. I have always been perceived as a big threat to the narcs grandiosity: at work, at home, as IPPS or NISS. My fuel stinks! 😂😂

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I have the same reaction!! I quickly rebelled against triangulation with the somatic and with this other guy we had long intellectual arguments because my pride -I knew he was wrong- didn’t allow me to stay silent or give in. I am definitely not submissive. The narc at work is my witness. However, think about it: maybe they also like this part of us as in negative or challenge fuel? At this point, I am more than confused.

          2. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Not sure if they like that because we´re threatening their control, even though we provide fuel. From my experience: They did not particularly like it 😂

          3. Sweetest Perfection says:

            What can I say. I’m on the shelf. Like a difficult book you struggle to understand but cool enough to pretend you own it.

      3. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Thank you AV, it’s sweet of you to feel concerned about me. I promise to be strong.

  3. Whitney says:

    HG my God. One of the best things I’ve done in my life is purchasing the Somatic maulings. The psychological genius has stuck with me and I understand people everyday 😃
    My head was in the sand before I met you HG.

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