I didn’t ask for this you know. I know you did not either but for once let’s not make this about you and let’s talk about me, yes? I never asked to be created so that each and every day I must gather the fuel that is necessary for my existence. Yes, I must eat, I must drink water and I must breathe the air, just as you do, but for me I have another staple requirement of daily living. I must have fuel. Did you choose to always needs food and water? No, you did not. Neither did I. I did not choose to require this fuel either but without it I will cease to exist. What I have created in order to survive in this world will come toppling down and that will be the end of me. How far would you go to eat? At first it is simple enough is it not? You go to the grocery store or you order online from the supermarket and acquire the ingredients to make a meal or receive a pre-cooked one. You chop, you peel, you mash and you stir and you make that meal. A hundred thousand different recipes to choose from. Instead you may remove the packaging, pierce the cling film and pop it in the over or the microwave. Either way you have food, ready to eat and to sustain you. But what if you had no money to acquire this food, how would you quell the rumblings in your stomach? Perhaps you might ask to be given food from neighbours, from food banks or left overs at supermarkets. It is demeaning but you need to eat don’t you, so what does a little pride matter so long as your stomach is filled? However, what if that charity ends? What if the benevolence of friends and neighbours dries up? What would you do then? What if there are no friends and no neighbours? Would you look to survive on berries you find by the roadside, drink the water from a stream? Would that sustain you for long or would you tire of that? Would you scavenge through the bins outside a supermarket for food that has been thrown out but is perfectly edible? Is that stealing? Perhaps not. Would you cope with the stares of pity and disdain from those who saw you surfing a dumpster?
Would you steal from the shops in order to quell the hunger pangs? Snatch a loaf from a bakery, sneak into a house and steal that cooling pie or rifle through the cupboards in order to find something to eat. What if there is no edible food in the dumpster, would you remove the mould and eat what you find, risking illness? What if the supermarkets ran out of food and there was nowhere to steal it from? Would you scavenge from the orchards until that fruit ran out? Would you catch fish or hunt a lamb or grab a chicken in order to cook and eat it over an open fire? What if the usual sources of meat began to vanish, having fallen prey to starving wild animals following the collapse of civilisation, what then? Would you try new sources? Would you, driven by hunger hunt down and eat a sparrow or a robin? How about an owl? Seagull? Would you slaughter a fox in order to eat its meat? Where would you stop? Would you eat another human being in order to survive? When needs must where would you draw the line? How far would you go to feed yourself and your loved ones? Begging, growing you own, stealing, savagery, cannibalism? Do you have a limit or when the chips are down and your stomach is knotted with the agony of starvation would there be no limit? How far would you go? Would you fight another person for a packet of rice? Beat someone up in order to steal their hoard of windfalls? Would you consider their loss of their food source and their injuries an acceptable consequence of your own necessary survival? Would this become collateral damage in the pursuit of survival? Abhorrent as it may sound, I should imagine, when the need really arises, that you would go beyond the unpalatable in order to survive.
Now replace food with the need for fuel and you will understand that I have no choice other than to gather this fuel from different sources and in different ways throughout the course of each day. The consequences which arise may seem regrettable to you but they are purely the result of this need for me to gain fuel. I did not ask to have to do this, but the way I have been created makes it so. In the same way that you would fight to ensure your own survival, rather than curling up and dying in a hole, so must I. Does that make me what would be regarded as a bad person for just doing what I need to in order to exist? I suggest that it does not. I know that what I do has consequences for others. I am not blind nor am I a fool. I understand fully the devastation that I cause as I tear through someone else’s life like a whirlwind, sucking everything in, hurling it about and then discarding it broken and shattered. I have heard the complaints, the stories, the recollections and the accounts. I have heard the cries of dismay, the wails of misery, the screams of terror and the slow sobs of pain. I know what is caused by my actions but what choice do I have? I do not set out to achieve these things but they must always arise as a consequence of what I must do.
I feel no guilt nor remorse. I am devoid of those emotions. Another consequence of the way I have been created. I feel no shame in these actions, no pity for those who suffer from my behaviours and no sense of empathy for those who are remorselessly cut down by my machinations. I am not burdened by such emotions so I do not toss and turn at night, I do not have my sleep peppered by nightmares of torment, I do not sit in anguish and seek absolution for everything I have done and everything that I am to do. Those concepts are not applicable to me. What I do is invite you to understand me. I want you to understand what I am, what I must do and what arises from this and if you were in my shoes then you would do the same. This does not make me a bad person does it? I am a good man who is having to do a bad job. Yes?
This is one of my favourite articles. It gives a different perception on the requirements of how those narcissism need ‘fuel’ and what ‘actions’ the narcissism would ‘lead’ the individual to do in order to achieve a source of their need, to ‘survive.
In this article, using food, as an example, people cannot survive without food, water, warmth – using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (‘Maslow’s Theory’), unless they have access to their basic human needs.
In my view, one main difference where it comes to narcissism and those who do not have narcissism – a narcissist would rather go hungry for physical food as their need for ‘fuel’ comes first (in their perception). In the perception of non-narcissists (those unaware of narcissism at all), the narcissist may come across as not feeling well, because it could be assumed that they need physical food or ‘lost’ their appetite. This may draw those who are non-narcissists, to ‘project’ a small amount of fuel, by saying “What’s the matter?” and the narcissist may unconsciously ‘milk it’ until they ‘sense’ the fuel is forthcoming and it gives them enough to “feel better” to eat some physical food. **I have seen this ‘pattern’ with regard to MRN – if I did not give the ‘fuel’, he’d seek it from other people, ie around a table at a meal out**
Taking this out of context a bit here, if a baby starts crying to ‘communicate’ a need that they have – a parent may offer it some food, should a baby stops crying at this point, it can indicate the needs of the baby was food. However, there may be occasions where the baby is not ‘responding’ to food but simply ‘seeking’ attention – ie ‘love’, a parent may pick up the baby, give it a cuddle, some soothing words etc. Sometimes, the ‘love’ from one human to a baby can ‘relinquish’ (reduce) one of the baby’s basic human needs of that ‘emotional requirement’.
Using this as an example – the MRN is low on ‘fuel’ supplies and instinctively seeks out a good ‘fuel source appliance”. In the MRN’s perception, any source of ‘fuel’ would ‘suffice’- if he ‘instinctively’ knows where to get this, he’d think “Oh, I know, I’ll go and see the Fridge because the Oven was non-contactable – for whatever reason. The narcissism would ‘force’ the MRN to cross more ‘boundaries’ with the sense of ‘self-entitlement’ and may even resort to ‘extreme’ (increased level of) ‘manipulations / machinations’ in order to obtain the fuel he is ‘sniffing’ out for. The MRN would go through his “list” of ‘fuel sources’ (usually a list on their mobile, the higher ‘functioning’ narcissists may have this ‘list’ in their mind as well as a phone). Some narcissists would ‘work through’ their “list”, even as far as ‘downgrading’ – always being ‘’led’ by their instincts to go “shopping” for the quality and the quantity of ‘fuel supplies’.
Hmmm, 100 years ago, maybe narcissists used pencil and paper!! Ah, that is how the idea of ‘shopping lists’ was created. LOL 😉
So, a narcissist seeking out fuel may be acting out on their ‘primal’ needs of human survival. The unaware narcissists would do this led by their ‘instincts’.
The instincts of aware narcissists would lead them to ‘calculating’ and using ‘methods’ they know that work in order to obtain their ‘fuel’ needs.
The more a narcissist spends time and effort to obtain ‘fuel’, the more ‘energy’ they are consuming. Thus possibly leading to an increase to anxiety, frustration, anger (depending on the school of the narcissist). The lower echelons being unaware narcissists may eventually come across as ‘desperate’ (ie become angrier, with the frustration) unless they can source the fuel quicker.
Similarly, animals in the wild where the environment is in a drought (no water) = potentially, less ‘prey’ available to eat, hence the primal survival behaviours (driven by hunger) of those animals would ‘force’ them to use more energy to seek and obtain food / water (from elsewhere, if absolutely required). Their ‘inner’ strength would ‘guide’ them and not give up until all else (other ‘avenues’ dries up) fails. Effectively, it can be an ‘all or nothing’ in this instance.
This is a great article and, in my view, should make people stop and think, only to understand the concept of the ‘fuel’ requirements of the narcissist and what their narcissism ‘drives’ them to do. It may appear ‘illogical’, yet it’s human nature. It’s primal. It’s instinctual.
Poor fucking narcissists. No sympathy any more. Bunch of big babies is what they are, all “Take care of me, my needs are more important than your very life.” Sorry HG, you get a pass for what you’re doing, but the rest do not.
Yes … my heart answers, and my protective instincts make me hug every “wasted and strayed soul”.
No … when I think that even when he is full, he also loots other canteens and leaves no crumbs in any of them.
Gluttony and eating – that’s the difference.
And if in the canteen they stop cooking as tasty as before, you can give it up. There is no need to smash plates, mistreat the cook and set canteens on fire.
Unfortunately, despite security measures, a monitoring system and open recordings of evidence, in my canteen they still allow me to express my dissatisfaction with terrible dishes and mistreat the cook to make him cook better.
Ah, that hopeless staff and that unruly clinet 🙂
It’s good that the customer pays at least 🙂
Understanding, forgiving – yes.
To be eaten and burned – no.
As empathic people we ask these questions all the time. But it’s emotional thinking at its finest, as it leads to us feeling sorry for the narcissist, which is a slippery slope as that leads to us excusing unacceptable behaviour and continuing to put up with it!
My husband and I debate this a lot, with regards to my dad. I am more ‘sympathetic’ to his behaviours, because I know he actually can’t help it as such, he was wired that way. My husband says he’s still a twat! I argue back that he wouldn’t talk that way about ‘X’ (someone we know who has a mental condition which causes them to do things which aren’t socially acceptable), but the key difference is that person X doesn’t hurt people emotionally, and that makes my husband much more sympathetic to their plight. But neither can help it..can they? Funny how we view some mental conditions as more ‘acceptable’ than others! Of course my husband’s view is the desirable one – if you just say ‘fuck it, he’s a twat’, you liberate yourself hell of a lot more than if you continue to try (in vain) to understand and help them!
JB, it was good to read your comment. It shows that people do have different perceptions – unless, I suppose, you are both reading from the same ‘book’ and reading the same words? Even then, the brain-wiring is different. It’s science. In some way, when it comes to the human psyche and more ‘complexity’ of the subject in question – ie understanding ‘conditions’ and other people’s way of thinking / feeling (or not feeling) – can invoke arguments between a couple compared to friends of the couple. Why? Maybe it is partly because of different upbringing /backgrounds. Different cultures? Male & female biological neuro-patterns in the brain. Lots of ‘variables’. Yet it can make life more interesting…. (LOL) 🙂
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This is one of my favourite articles. It gives a different perception on the requirements of how those narcissism need ‘fuel’ and what ‘actions’ the narcissism would ‘lead’ the individual to do in order to achieve a source of their need, to ‘survive.
In this article, using food, as an example, people cannot survive without food, water, warmth – using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (‘Maslow’s Theory’), unless they have access to their basic human needs.
In my view, one main difference where it comes to narcissism and those who do not have narcissism – a narcissist would rather go hungry for physical food as their need for ‘fuel’ comes first (in their perception). In the perception of non-narcissists (those unaware of narcissism at all), the narcissist may come across as not feeling well, because it could be assumed that they need physical food or ‘lost’ their appetite. This may draw those who are non-narcissists, to ‘project’ a small amount of fuel, by saying “What’s the matter?” and the narcissist may unconsciously ‘milk it’ until they ‘sense’ the fuel is forthcoming and it gives them enough to “feel better” to eat some physical food. **I have seen this ‘pattern’ with regard to MRN – if I did not give the ‘fuel’, he’d seek it from other people, ie around a table at a meal out**
Taking this out of context a bit here, if a baby starts crying to ‘communicate’ a need that they have – a parent may offer it some food, should a baby stops crying at this point, it can indicate the needs of the baby was food. However, there may be occasions where the baby is not ‘responding’ to food but simply ‘seeking’ attention – ie ‘love’, a parent may pick up the baby, give it a cuddle, some soothing words etc. Sometimes, the ‘love’ from one human to a baby can ‘relinquish’ (reduce) one of the baby’s basic human needs of that ‘emotional requirement’.
Using this as an example – the MRN is low on ‘fuel’ supplies and instinctively seeks out a good ‘fuel source appliance”. In the MRN’s perception, any source of ‘fuel’ would ‘suffice’- if he ‘instinctively’ knows where to get this, he’d think “Oh, I know, I’ll go and see the Fridge because the Oven was non-contactable – for whatever reason. The narcissism would ‘force’ the MRN to cross more ‘boundaries’ with the sense of ‘self-entitlement’ and may even resort to ‘extreme’ (increased level of) ‘manipulations / machinations’ in order to obtain the fuel he is ‘sniffing’ out for. The MRN would go through his “list” of ‘fuel sources’ (usually a list on their mobile, the higher ‘functioning’ narcissists may have this ‘list’ in their mind as well as a phone). Some narcissists would ‘work through’ their “list”, even as far as ‘downgrading’ – always being ‘’led’ by their instincts to go “shopping” for the quality and the quantity of ‘fuel supplies’.
Hmmm, 100 years ago, maybe narcissists used pencil and paper!! Ah, that is how the idea of ‘shopping lists’ was created. LOL 😉
So, a narcissist seeking out fuel may be acting out on their ‘primal’ needs of human survival. The unaware narcissists would do this led by their ‘instincts’.
The instincts of aware narcissists would lead them to ‘calculating’ and using ‘methods’ they know that work in order to obtain their ‘fuel’ needs.
The more a narcissist spends time and effort to obtain ‘fuel’, the more ‘energy’ they are consuming. Thus possibly leading to an increase to anxiety, frustration, anger (depending on the school of the narcissist). The lower echelons being unaware narcissists may eventually come across as ‘desperate’ (ie become angrier, with the frustration) unless they can source the fuel quicker.
Similarly, animals in the wild where the environment is in a drought (no water) = potentially, less ‘prey’ available to eat, hence the primal survival behaviours (driven by hunger) of those animals would ‘force’ them to use more energy to seek and obtain food / water (from elsewhere, if absolutely required). Their ‘inner’ strength would ‘guide’ them and not give up until all else (other ‘avenues’ dries up) fails. Effectively, it can be an ‘all or nothing’ in this instance.
This is a great article and, in my view, should make people stop and think, only to understand the concept of the ‘fuel’ requirements of the narcissist and what their narcissism ‘drives’ them to do. It may appear ‘illogical’, yet it’s human nature. It’s primal. It’s instinctual.
Poor fucking narcissists. No sympathy any more. Bunch of big babies is what they are, all “Take care of me, my needs are more important than your very life.” Sorry HG, you get a pass for what you’re doing, but the rest do not.
Yes … my heart answers, and my protective instincts make me hug every “wasted and strayed soul”.
No … when I think that even when he is full, he also loots other canteens and leaves no crumbs in any of them.
Gluttony and eating – that’s the difference.
And if in the canteen they stop cooking as tasty as before, you can give it up. There is no need to smash plates, mistreat the cook and set canteens on fire.
Unfortunately, despite security measures, a monitoring system and open recordings of evidence, in my canteen they still allow me to express my dissatisfaction with terrible dishes and mistreat the cook to make him cook better.
Ah, that hopeless staff and that unruly clinet 🙂
It’s good that the customer pays at least 🙂
Understanding, forgiving – yes.
To be eaten and burned – no.
As empathic people we ask these questions all the time. But it’s emotional thinking at its finest, as it leads to us feeling sorry for the narcissist, which is a slippery slope as that leads to us excusing unacceptable behaviour and continuing to put up with it!
My husband and I debate this a lot, with regards to my dad. I am more ‘sympathetic’ to his behaviours, because I know he actually can’t help it as such, he was wired that way. My husband says he’s still a twat! I argue back that he wouldn’t talk that way about ‘X’ (someone we know who has a mental condition which causes them to do things which aren’t socially acceptable), but the key difference is that person X doesn’t hurt people emotionally, and that makes my husband much more sympathetic to their plight. But neither can help it..can they? Funny how we view some mental conditions as more ‘acceptable’ than others! Of course my husband’s view is the desirable one – if you just say ‘fuck it, he’s a twat’, you liberate yourself hell of a lot more than if you continue to try (in vain) to understand and help them!
JB, it was good to read your comment. It shows that people do have different perceptions – unless, I suppose, you are both reading from the same ‘book’ and reading the same words? Even then, the brain-wiring is different. It’s science. In some way, when it comes to the human psyche and more ‘complexity’ of the subject in question – ie understanding ‘conditions’ and other people’s way of thinking / feeling (or not feeling) – can invoke arguments between a couple compared to friends of the couple. Why? Maybe it is partly because of different upbringing /backgrounds. Different cultures? Male & female biological neuro-patterns in the brain. Lots of ‘variables’. Yet it can make life more interesting…. (LOL) 🙂