The Key To Entry
With the brief injunction from my mother to ensure I spoke up or suffer the consequences I returned to the consulting room of Dr M. We took our seats and he smiled before adjusting his suit trousers, pulling them up at the thigh. I cast a quick glance to his nether regions but no hole had yet emerged.
“Now Mr Tudor, we did not make much progress last week. It is of no concern. I wondered if you perhaps felt more amenable to speaking with me on this occasion?”
I started to nod and then spoke.
“Very well.”
“Excellent. What would you like to talk about?” he asked.
“Why am I here as in why am I sat in your consulting room,” I clarified before he started providing me with some smart alec response as to the meaning of my existence. I knew why my family had insisted that I see Dr M and more recently underline the necessity of speaking to him, but I wanted to know what he thought. That way I would be better prepared to deflect him.
“Why do you think you are here with me?” he answered casually. Marvellous. He was one of those people who answered a question with another question.
“I asked first,” I pointed out. He nodded.
“Your family are concerned about you.” I snorted which seemed to take him by surprise.
“Those bastards only care about themselves.”
“Why do you say that?” asked Dr M seizing on my remark.
“It does not matter, go on, you were saying.”
“Your family are concerned about you. I met with them and they provided me with background information. I am aware that you are a high achiever and have always been so. Your family are concerned however that you stop at nothing to get what you want, that you have disdain for most people and you leave a trail of carnage in your wake. I think that is a succinct way of putting it. They want me to discuss this with you and to receive my opinion.” he explained.
“It’s bullshit all of it,” I remarked. My voice was low but the venom was tangible. Dr M remained silent.
“I have no idea what they are talking about. I stop at nothing to get what I want? They have never complained about my achievements before. They don’t like it that I am outshining them. That is the problem here. They always do this. Try and make their problems my problems, I am sick and tired of it. I have forged my own path and done bloody well too and all they want to do is bring me down. It is jealousy. That’s why I have little to do with them. Did they tell you that? I bet they tried to make out that I am aloof and never attend family gatherings didn’t they? They never invite me to them. I keep in touch most with my younger brother and he tells me about these gatherings and I always find out after the event. Did my younger brother speak to you?”
Dr M nodded.
“Who else?” I asked.
“Both your parents, your sister, your younger brother and your cousin, Charlotte.”
“Huh, the usual cabal. All of them are liars. Do you have any idea what it is like having to put up with all of them? My god it is a wonder that I am a success. My mother is always trying to pin the blame for her shortcomings on me. She would love to plant a microchip in my head and control me. That would be ideal for her. She has controlled my father for years. He isn’t a bad fellow really but he fell under her spell and believes anything she says and if he dares not to well let’s just say he has suffered the consequences too many times before so he has learned his lesson. It’s weak of him and I hate him for being like that. He should stand up to her rather than be her metaphorical punching bag. Always tries to keep the peace at first and then takes her side. He is brainwashed and my sister is just as bad. Jesus she always defers to my mother, but then she could never make a decision for herself. So Charlie has weighed in as well has she? Do you know why doctor M? It is because she wants me for herself and I won’t let that happen. Bet they did not tell you that did they? She is totally in love with me and because I have rejected her this is how she goes about paying me back by making up lies about me. I would not put it past that harpy to try and section me you know. You don’t want to believe anything that lot say to you.”
Dr M was jotting down the odd note as I spoke. Yes, make some notes Dr M and you can tell them what I think of them. How dare they? How bastard dare they make out like I am the one with the problem. I should be used to it by now but it still infuriates me. I stood up, agitated at this unwarranted attack on me.
“This is what they always do doctor. I am the one who was suffered at their hands. Years of it but they twist it around and try to pin the blame on me. I have made the best of a bad hand and they cannot stand to see me doing well so they conjure up this. Liars the lot of them.”
I was pacing up and down in front of the fireplace and fighting to resist the urge to grab one of the logs and hurl it at the large mirror which hung above the fireplace.
“I wish they were all dead doctor, you have no idea. The times I have wished that they would get wiped out in some car accident or a building falls on them when they are inside. They have made my life hell and just as I am pulling free of them they pull this stunt. I hate them. I am surprised at my brother joining in with this as well, I thought he had some sense.”
“Your brother expressed considerable concern about you and wants to help you,” offered Dr M.
“I don’t need any help. I suggest you fill your sessions with them. You will have plenty of material for your shrink times or whatever publication you write for. My mother is a control freak with a drink problem,my father is spineless, my sister is a professional victim oh yes, ask her about her failed marriage but make sure you have the bleeding heart and violins to hand. My cousin, well as I said, she is a lecherous nymphomaniac and as for my brother, he has gone down in my estimation joining this cabal of perfidy.”
I spat the words out as I waved my arms around, windmilling through the air. I felt a little better for this explosion of annoyance and I returned to my seat and sat down. Dr M was still writing.
“So Dr M there really is nothing to see here. I know you will want to make some money from us and I respect that, you are like me, you see an opportunity and exploit it. Nothing wrong with that. Let me give you a tip. You need to suggest working with those liars and parking your involvement with me. You have nothing to achieve here but as for them, well you will make a fortune sorting out the quagmire that is their lives.”
I sat back and smiled as Dr M continued to write. I had spoken up just as she had urged. I had done as I was told. Again. This time though I was fighting back.
5 thoughts on “The Key To Entry”
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For one thing, there is no clear indication as to whether the family were together when they ‘talked’ about you to Dr M.
Background information from the family, including “….that you stop at nothing to get what you want, that you have disdain for most people and you leave a trail of carnage in your wake”.
Hmm. Mother, drunk as usual, says to me “If she had called the police on the number of times…..” – making it out that it was ME that was the “problem” SHE had “suffered” at MY hands. Utter BS. Utter bollocks. Totally re-writing history, refusing to see HER actions towards her children. Good thing, I ‘spun it round’ on her immediately, calmly – my ‘logical’ mind was switched on simply through my own ‘instincts’ responding, maybe it’s a trait of honesty coming to the fore. I ‘smacked’ mother in the face, verbally and truthfully.
I am not angry as I am typing this, yet I can understand the anger that is shown in this article.
There is a difference in between the ‘addiction’ and the ‘influence’ of narcissism that I am seeing in this article – especially where father is concerned. Your father was (in my view) ‘fighting a losing battle’ in a logical sense and ‘gave in’ to the narcissistic ‘influence’ when he should have given his ‘allegiance’ to his son instead. Alas, that is the result of gaslighting, deflection, blame-shifting, and other characteristics of a narcissist who ‘ruled’ the household.
Hmm….. “I should be used to it by now”…… I’d said “I am used to it” when mother says next morning “I don’t know why I do it” but the key thing is, she never said “I’m sorry, I don’t know….”.
Sounds as if you were attempting to make a way out for yourself before you are ‘slapped’ with “attend therapy or face the consequences” (as per ‘A Missive From Mother’ letter in between this appointment and the one the previous week ‘Seconds Out, Round One’ ?).
This article is a prime example as to why it is so difficult when you have a household with a very strong narcissistic parent ‘influence’ that is more ‘powerful’ than the traits of ‘justice’, ‘honesty’ and ‘love devotee’ that were ‘dimmed’ within the empath parent.
To find out about your brother must have been difficult to ‘process’ yet not surprising in the circumstances to get the impression of being ‘stabbed’ in the back.
The sense of ‘being let down’ by a father and a sibling and having to endure ‘knowing’ that as an individual creates much more distrust in other people, added to the lack of trust that has been present since a child.
I suspect my own sister did a lot of ‘learning’ herself after she left home, spent time with her partner and others of her own age. Her partner’s mother was such a loving, generous and confident woman – she did not seem to have ‘permitted’ her husband to ‘rule’ over her. Yes, my mother had ‘influence’ over me and my sister but it was not strong enough to totally ‘take over’ – the empath and other characteristics were stronger.
Having said all of that, it was really good & enjoyable to re-read the thread about sign language again. It was really funny.
All, absolutely all narcissists are about control by any means necessary.
The mother for “my” narcissist is both a saint and an executioner. He fights with it all his life, but he cannot oppose it. He needs her.
“I came here and stayed because that was my mother’s order.”
Relationships in their family are terrible. In a word, from his mother’s approval, he can live for months or even years. He idealizes such moments a thousand times over.
He is well aware of her playing, and at the same time “covers it” and pretends. A bit like an empath 🙂
Nobody speaks out there. Everyone communicates in “circles” (its term), transmitting messages through someone else.
There, no one really cares about the other person. Selfishness. Rivalry. Rivalry. Rivalry. Triumph. Defeat. Mocking laugh. Frustration.
He speaks with satisfaction about the autism of his niece – as a punishment she had such a child (about her sister). “This Dog” – about the brother-in-law.
I remember once it hurt when they talked about him, how they mocked him at family events …
And all this is watched over by the Queen Mother, who draws profits. One child is told this, another one another, another version for the extended family. They are like her gears. Like her puppets.
By giving him fuel, I also power the mother. That’s how it works…
Recently, my mother even sent her daughter’s husband as a lieutenant to me. Worried about my relationship with her son too long.
I was very lucky to raise our daughter myself and that she did not know them.
Although they are already stretching their tentacles for it …
That’s why I understand him sometimes … How could he be different in this generation?
Thanks for sharing this hg I like when you talk about your visits with the good doctors
Knowing about Matrinarc, I always want to shout “Bravo” for HG for fighting back on this article. I hope it was successful in whatever way it needed to be.