Love Me, Hate Me, Never Ignore Me

 

1-17

I want your love. I want your hate. I want your joy. I want your tears. I want every single emotional ounce that you possess and I want it directed at me. It is easy to understand why anybody would want to be loved because isn’t that what everybody only ever wants to have? To love and be loved. Of course it is. I only ever wanted to be loved and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried it was denied to me. Push yourself harder, go further, work harder and you can have it. I was promised that gain repeatedly and I complied. I strove and I toiled and I grafted. I studied, I obeyed, I trained, I ran and I ran fast, I jumped and I jumped higher than anyone else. I tackled, I shot, I pushed, I swam, I wrote, I complied, I answered, I read and I read. I did everything that was ever demanded of me. Does that sound familiar to you? Of course it is. You know what it is like to give your all and it still not be enough. You know what it feels like to keep trying until you feel like you have nothing left to give anymore. Why do you think that we are so effective in extracting that sensation from you? It is because my kind has been schooled in such a technique for so long that it becomes second nature.

Of course I was praised. I was encouraged. I was supported. I was pushed. I was told and instructed and ordered. The plaudits came but there was always the caveat.

“That is an excellent result, next time try for one hundred per cent.”

“Brilliant time but I know you can do it faster. You just need to try harder.”

“It is good but not as good as you can do. You are better than that.”

“Not bad but you will let me down if you do not get to the top of the class.”

Still, although it was conditional praise it was still praise nonetheless and this combined with my endeavours meant that I was never ignored. The achievements accumulated, the prizes were gathered and the accolades were acquired. Upwards, always upwards. Accordingly, your praise and admiration means so much to me. It was always the standard by which I was judged and so it is the same now. I crave the adulation and the passion, that is why I work so hard to cause you to give it to me. I want it, I want to be seen, I want to be recognised and that means I must receive your emotion sodden attention. It does not matter if you are shouting at me or beggin me to stop, so long as it id directed towards me. This is why everything I do is calculated to provide a reaction.

When I am seducing you, you must never ignore me. I have too much invested in your acquisition to lose you to someone of something else. My bombardment of you with messages and attention is to draw you to me, but it is also to ensure that you do not venture somewhere else and I am denied your attention. This is why I will text you and if there is not a prompt response I will text you again, then again, then call you and then turn up at your house. I need to know you are responding to my seduction. I need to control you. There is too much at stake to allow you to ignore me.

Once devaluation begins then I need once more the emotionally charged attention that comes from you weeping, shouting and screaming. It never troubles me in the same way that it troubles you to be shouted at. I require it and all it does is make me feel powerful because I know that I can prompt these responses from you by virtue of my manipulations. I know by saying nothing that you will beg and plead with me to explain what is wrong, hang around me, eyes wide in confusion as you beseech me to tell you what you have done wrong.

I am not fussy about the emotions which you pour my way. Good or bad I will take them all. The bad do admittedly make me feel more powerful but the sweet potency of favourable responses and eyes glowing with admiration are most welcome too. That is one of the reasons I alternate back and forth, making you happy and joyful towards me and then full or woe and anger. The contrast reinforces my omnipotence because I am the puppetmaster. One moment I can make you laugh and then with a flick of the switch I have you in tears. That is power. That is control and this is what emphasises my greatness. Yes, I know you consider such behaviour wrong. I am well aware of that and do not be fooled by any pretence to the contrary. I am fully aware that such behaviour is considered, bad, wrong and evil, according to your values but you ought to know that this game is not being played according to your rules. It is played with mine and I always have to win.

Should you be treacherous and be the bad person that I always suspected you to be and ignore me, then I will provoke you all the more in order to gain my reaction. Few of you realise that this is the aim, at least, not until much later. You are unable to understand this sudden escalation, this switching because of the confusion that you are mired in. I am grateful that this is the case for when you ignore me I begin to crumble. The edifice that I have built up begins to crack, splinter and fracture and I must escape your betrayal and seek out the emotions of others in order to compensate for your seditious behaviour. If I cannot bring your love or hate to the fore, I cannot remain to be ignored, for that is my death sentence and I am not allowing you to sign that warrant. I must be loved for I am worthy of the most perfect love, I must be hated because my works are that of the devil and attract your furious ire. Always look my way, always give me your emotions and never turn your back on me. Do that and all will be well. At least, for me, but then, isn’t this all about me anyway?

12 thoughts on “Love Me, Hate Me, Never Ignore Me

  1. Rebecca says:

    Asp Emp,

    No, I haven’t read HG’s other works yet. I just heard about them from HG, during one of his audios where he answers readers’ questions. I’ll have to check them out.. Where are they found?🙃

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Rebecca, the two that I mentioned to you previously are:
      https://narcsite.com/2019/07/11/the-narcissist-manipulates-its-only-the-wind/

      https://narcsite.com/2021/11/01/a-fearful-terror-16/ (this is the same article as ‘The Fear’)

  2. Rebecca says:

    HG, You’re so good at inflicting pain from your appliances. I’ve often wondered if it’s because you,yourself have felt real pain, be it emotional or physical. How else can one learn the meaning of pain, inflicting it so well, unless you’ve experienced such pain in your own life? I’ve read before the empath and the narcissist have that in common, past trauma, past pain, perhaps that is why the two halves are drawn to each other…a dance with pain.
    Warm regards, Rebecca

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It must be accurate that part of my capacity to inflict pain is drawn from understanding what it is to have pain infected on me, however that is only part of the picture. My capacity to understand how to inflict pain also stems from my unquenchable need for control and the infliction of pain is part of achieving that, alongside the drawing of negative fuel. It also stems from my intellectual capacity to understand human beings and what affects them and what affects them the most (my studies of forensic medicine have proven especially useful in that regard) and also it is driven because of my sadism, I enjoy inflicting pain.

      1. Rebecca says:

        HG, The more you teach me, the more I want to know. I have a tendency to control my environment because when I was growing up I had no control of what happened to me, the chaos and the abuse, I was too young to stop it. Now that I’m an adult, I can control some things in my life, like who I allow in my life and who I spend time with. I know the need for control for me is based on my lack of control I had as a kid, much like you,except I don’t enjoy inflicting pain on others, unless it’s in self defense..or in defense of a loved one…then by all means it’s play time.
        I used to read my mom’s medical books to gain some knowledge and get answers, things I did when curious. I also enjoy forensic shows like Autopsy. I find it fascinating to learn how this person died and all that was involved. To each their own I guess. Thanks for the answers, looking forward to more.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Rebecca, I watched the film ‘The Autopsy of Jane Doe’ the other night for the first time. It was ok but it did remind me of ‘It’s Only The Wind’ and ‘Fear’ of HG’s articles.

          1. Rebecca says:

            Asp Emp,
            I saw Autopsy of Jane Doe too. I enjoyed it, horror films are my favorite movie genre. Did you see the series Bates Motel? That was soooo good.

            I haven’t read those articles, now I must read them. Lol

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Rebecca, yeah, I did see some of the episodes of the Bates Motel series, I found them interesting. They were ‘tame’ compared to the original film though 🙂

            Interesting about those articles I mentioned, I ‘view’ them differently from when I first started reading HG’s work to when I read them again now, for the good memories (ET / LT ‘changed’) 🙂

          3. Rebecca says:

            Asp Emp,

            Do you like slasher movies? I can’t watch them for two reasons. 1) The storyline usually is terrible and badly written 2) I end up getting mad at everyone in the movie, because the victims are dumb and 2 dimensional characters(must everyone break their ankle and hide under the bed?) The killers make me mad because they’re killing people and have no depth of character to them. Now imagine HG writing a horror movie….I like that idea. 🙃

          4. Asp Emp says:

            Rebecca, laughing at how you described your reasons in relation to these type of movies. HG writing a horror movie? Hmmm, I like that idea too 🙂 Having said that, have you read his Narc tales – I think you would enjoy those. I have read a couple of his Dark Cupid series, a different ‘angle’ altogether 🙂 Then there is his Treasure Trove contents. HG is truly gifted at writing.

      2. A Victor says:

        “unquenchable need for control” – really descriptive, nothing can stop this.

  3. Duchessbea says:

    Great article.
    Best,
    DB

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