Dr E explained that he wanted to discuss with me the issue of regret.
“Have you ever regretted anything?” he asked.
“No,” I answered promptly.
“I see. What do you understand by regret?”
“It is a feeling of sadness or perhaps disappointment over something that you have done or failed to do.”
“When have you experienced that feeling?” he asked.
“If I tell you that most people have regrets, which ones would you remember?”
“Which of their regrets would I remember?” I asked. He looked up at me over the top of his red and black note pad and raised his eyebrows.
“I haven’t had any,” I repeated.
“Why do you think that is?”
“Let me see. Probably because I have had nothing to express regret about. The absence of something tends to be the reason why you have not something, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Okay. Now in your many explanations to me you have explained some of the things that you have done. Yes,” he noticed I was going to interrupt him but he kept going, “I know you detailed those at my behest and I appreciate you sharing that information with me. Those acts of commission and omission led to people feeling angry with you, hurt and upset. Would you agree?”
“Okay. Now I would suggest that one might feel regret at having caused those people to feel that way. Would you agree?”
“You might feel a sense of regret Dr E but I do not.”
“Why is that?”
“Why to which part? Why you might feel a sense of regret or why I do not?”
If he was irritated by my pedantry he was not showing it.
“Because I am not at fault. In all those instances it is the other person’s fault.”
“How about some examples?”
“Okay. Kate’s dog went missing. Do you remember me telling you about that?” He nodded. “If she had cared for it properly and given me the attention I deserve it would not have been lost. Christopher who was fired from his position, he was incompetent. Emily kept asking me the wrong questions so that is why she was treated in that way. Sophie kept asking me what I was thinking so that is why I lost my temper and smashed her television. As for Paula, she was late so I walked off and left her to find her own way home. Do you want me to go on?”
“No, that is sufficient.”
“If people tried harder, if they were more thoughtful then this would not happen. I can do it so why not they? I will tell you why. They become weak and complacent. They think that they can not invest any energy into our relationship, whether intimate or not, any longer. If you do not feed something it will wither and die. They brought it on themselves and they are the ones at fault. My reaction was perfectly natural. I was entitled to respond the way I did. They cannot judge me, they have no jurisdiction to do so, certainly not when they let me down every single time. They bring it on themselves with their weakness and their whining, their reluctance to do what is needed, what I need. It sickens me doctor, it truly sickens me.
Have you any idea how difficult it is to find someone who retains my interest, someone scintillating enough to match my brilliance?
It is impossible. I try Dr E, I bloody well try to I offer them the world in the hope that just this once they will match my expectations and not let me down.
It always happens. I am always let down. She did it the first time and then it happened again and now it is repeated.
Why? What did I do that was so wrong to deserve being treated like this?
I regret nothing doctor because nothing is my fault.”
13 thoughts on “Regrets”
Oh this is so very true. Everyone else is to blame. They take no responsibility or feel accountable for anything.
He completely smashed my new phone the other day (I knew better than to make an issue of it so just started using a really old phone I had from years ago) and a couple of days later he started saying how he was buying himself a new top of the range phone. When I suggested he should buy me a new phone as well to replace the one he destroyed, he was outraged! Said because I’d ‘used’ the phone, it was only a second hand anyway! He flipped out and then left me (again!)
Just one of many, many, many examples!!!!!
That was my father, several bosses, and the bastard who sexually abused me when I was a teenager. None of them showed any remorse . They had no feelings. Sometimes I would like to not have feelings. Feelings just drag you down. The last boss who disrespected me – I got up, said nothing, threw the door open very loudly, walked out , got in my car and left. I took control by withdrawal. I only came back a week later to throw my keys at her accross her desk. I said nothing and left. I will never let anyone hold a job over my head.
HG. I have been curious for a while now about your “good doctors”. Assumed from your writings is that these 3 individuals know your identity (with one of them intrinsically linked to a nefarious agenda of at least one member of your family). As such, also assumed is that the doctors must therefore know your true identity. Given that the doctors also support and provide guidelines & protocols about how you approach and carry out your HG Tudor consultative work (phone & email consultations, Narc Detectors, Empath Detectors, etc), is it the case that at least three people do in fact know who HG Tudor is? If so, are you concerned that they could “blow your cover”?
Ok, thanks. Can I ask why you are not concerned HG?
Is it because the doctors do not in fact know that you are also “HG Tudor”, or is there some other reason why you are confident that one or more of the doctors could not reveal your identity?
I am aware I may be doubling up on some comments (cannot get a handle on the very “special” WordPress interface) ..
Ok, thanks HG. Could I ask you to explain why this is the case?
Is it that the doctors do not in fact know that you are also HG Tudor, or is it there some other reason that you are confident that they could not reveal your identity.
There are several other reasons why they would not disclose my identity.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with Shithead McGru….LMRSOMATIC….I asked him, if he regretted his previous 4 failed marriages, if he missed any of them?? He said, no, I don’t have regrets, what’s done, is done, they’re crazy and the divorce was their fault. I don’t miss them, I don’t even think of them, eventhough they hurt me. I’ve moved on.
If I only knew, what I know now. Red flag, red flag….blame shifting, lack of empathy and no remorse and let’s not forget the pity play at the end.
I cannot wrap my mind around it, you, HG. Sometimes I think I understand, but then, no I do not at all. How can all the qualities that you present fit together in one person? A couple of years ago, I called a psychiatrist a sociopath and told her she fits the criteria. She then beat me to pulp and tried to get me locked up. The biggest struggle afterwards for me was everyone who seemed to look away, the judge, the lawyer, the witnesses, the doctor at the hospital etc. But I am now beginning to understand. One cannot wrap one’s mind around it, it causes a breakdown in the brain. I did understand my event back then (attractive female btw), but I cannot understand you. I have to confess, I cannot stop listening to you, it is a puzzle that won’t fit.
Keep reading and if need be, arrange to speak to me and I will give you the understanding you crave as I have done with so many others.
Mustering the courage, eventually, to consult with you. For now, drinking from your voice is quenching my thirst and satisfying my needs. Thank you
Hi Dorette, when you come to an understanding, and you will, it will be the best thing you ever did. It will take a lot of work on your part, you will go through a lot of emotions and you will eventually get a grip on ET which is incredibly important. Don’t think this is going to happen overnight, it won’t. If you put in the work and continue reading and watching all of HG’s work you will get a better understanding and knowledge. Remember when HG says GOSO and no contact that is the best advice you will ever get. We are all here for you to sound things out and there is no better adviser and guide than HG. Listen to what he says and respect his advice. Hope all is well with you.
Indeed, they fail me too.
In fact, I think I regret anything either. Perhaps I could have done a few things better.