Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
13,027 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
@Carole
„..HG, I am more than happy for you to hold the door open for me (understandably for control on your part, or just the impeccable manners you have or the gentleman that you are), and I will smile and thank you very much.“
What about the scenario when the door will be impeccably slammed before your smiling face in order to get a different flavor of fuel from you? How would you respond?
To better understand you and the scenario circumstances you described. What is the full picture of your fantasy? Non intimate random encounter situation? Seduction stage? Golden period? Benign hoover?
Thank you.
Hello HG and everyone
Forgive me for being so sporadic but I get no comment response emails anymore from wordpress, hope I can sort it out.
Monday after Mother’s day I had a somewhat funny observation. I had a quick coffee at a store café. A lady came to the counter and said “OH I’m so sorry I forgot my mother yesterday, I’m late, can I buy some of these flowers?”
“Sure I’m glad to help”
said the girl selling coffee. She went over and got flowers for the lady who kept on saying “So sad to be so late for my mum!”
I thought to myself, yes of course, many moms are great and nonnarcissists. They deserve all celebrations.
Then the lady said “could you please give me a coloured ribbon and help me with this to my dear mom?” The girl at the counter helped and helped. “OH, but can I please think some more about the colour of the ribbon and flowers? I’m not sure they suit perfectly!”
“Thank you ever so much for your assistance!” she kept saying with a crying voice.
When I left the cafe 10 minutes layer the cafe girl was still helping the lady with the flowers, ribbons and wrapping pappers.
It was not until hours later that I thought this lady might have been a narcissist.
Hi Another Cat, I have similar in regard to WP comment email notifications, I don’t know exactly what it is either.
The story you shared was interesting to read and consider. Not always, sometimes, I do similar – thinking back to a particular observation from earlier in the day yet I do not necessarily reach a conclusion either way, unless, it is a regular person is in a shop, where I may ie wear sunglasses so that there is less opportunity to see my eyes. I find that I am observing their behaviour(s) while being mindful about my own. It is easier when one knows what to be aware of and how to respond (or not). Not everybody I meet is a narcissist.
AspEmp and Another Cat,
I see behaviors, like you mentioned AC, at work. The one co worker, she uses tears, speaks loud enough for everyone in the lunch area to hear, you can’t ignore her conversation, or have another one of your own. She’s also one of those, loud talking, on the phone people…It happens often, I suspect she’s a Lesser narc, she shows other behaviors for attention getting. She’s not well liked because she’s mean, but she seems to think everyone must hear her, whether they want to or not. Xx
Rebecca, may I suggest a review of HG’s Empath Grenades as I think one is apt ie “Could you repeat that?” 😉 (or, “who said that?” while looking around the room yet avoiding to look at her 😉 )
Asp Emp and Rebecca,
thank you so much for your input!
yes of course, not everyone we meet are narcissists, they are only every 6th or every 7th person statistically. A minority, even though a big one.
I think, Rebecca, that I’m very sensitive to hearing the crying narcissist – even though the lady from the cafe might have been empathic – they keep monopolizing your time, they cling and cling, and their conspiracy theories are out of this world. Very fear mongering and fear inducing, sometimes it is the Middle Midrange Type B. They use their crying voice to demand more and more and more, and more, and more …
Though I do recognize that some empathic ppl can also have a crying voice, but with them I am somehow not bothered. In my country we have a minister with a grating voice, but for some reason I don’t mind at all in his case. I don’t think he is a narc.
Rebecca says:
“speaks loud enough for everyone in the lunch area to hear, you can’t ignore her conversation, or have another one of your own.
She’s also one of those, loud talking, on the phone people…”
I understand, Rebecca. Each one of those features are ok, just the one. But taken together, that seems like a piece of work of a collegue! I hope you don’t have to meet her every day. The fact that she is not well liked sounds like another red flag.
Hi Another Cat,
Sorry that I took so long to reply, I had an issue with getting notifications on the blog. Xx
I usually see her 4 times a week and I avoid her as much as possible, but she does manage to take breaks, when I’m taking scheduled lunch. I just don’t speak to her or make eye contact, seems to work. I still have to listen to her loud talking, like a dog barking, I tune her out and ignore her . I learned from HG that it annoys them to no end, which is just an added bonus for me. Win , win. Xx 🙃
Hi AC!,
Its always nice to see your name pop up!
Even though I know we’re not supposed to judge off of one instance, she sounds like a Middle Mid Ranger to me. I feel bad for the poor girl helping her.
P.S. I’ve seen several bloggers state that they’re not getting notifications either. Maybe its an issue with WordPress.
Hi Leigh,
Nice to see your comment! Xx I miss the email notifications I used to get and I hope you’re well. Xx
Hi Rebecca!
I’m well. I hope you’re well too.
I saw your comment about the Educating HG series. I’m enjoying it as well.
Hello HG:
Everyone talks about online “ narcs this fear of the creature, “ this feeling of weakness, vulnerability, anxiety, back to being a helpless child. If fuel is low, what COULD happen.
1. What does happen?
2. Do narcs with no fuel fall into psychosis? The internal world becomes external. No reality?
3. Commit suicide?
4. I do feel my ex did completely fall apart last December. It was a genuine crisis last year with his mum and he LOST it. He was isolated with his mum whom he was living with ( she requires isolation and isolated him as a child, didn’t even educate him, he went to a mental health institution ages 16-18) , as they had another one of their dramatic fights, he ended up paranoid, threatened police etc… and they put him under mental health watch . It was not fake. He lost his mind. It was NOT a fake crisis. I think that’s what a fuel crisis looks like in part. He sent videos sounding like a total madman.
3. Can you describe what happens to a narc who has no fuel?
4. Sam vatnim says narcs can self supply? “ Be their own follower to a guru… their own fan to a star, etc…” he says their are techniques to do so….. true?
5. Why do narcs change in prison, lose their grandiosity for example to survive? There are studies showing narcs who go into prison change.
6. Is grandiosity a choice or a choice in coping to survive?
7. Why then narcs in fury and rage and abuse sometimes say in a DV situation suddenly become calm cool and collected when police arrive if fury isn’t a choice? Is fury a choice ?
8. Does the narc who meets the creature, crumbles, rebuild?
9. How?
10. In your no contact, is it ok to assist helping a fuelled deprived psychosis narc or suicidal narc who is genuine by alerting police, social services, medical personnel or responding to them while not wanting to be in the narcs life?
11. How does any empath shut the door 100% if alerted of a genuine crisis? It seems inhumane.
12. Can an empath love from afar, wish the narc well, want him well while creating a separate life? It’s thought fuel. …Keeping him in her prayers while not inviting him into her life. Is that ok in your book? Healthy?
1. Already detailed this.
2. Already explained this.
3. Already explained this.
3 (again) already explained this.
4 (again) A narcissist can utilise a fuel substitute such as alcohol or drugs, the narcissist also gains fuel (not supply) via Thought Fuel, but it is weak and short-lived.
5. What do you mean by change?
6. No.
7. Control achieved/facade management.
8. Already explained.
9. N/A
10. Breach of no contact. Get somebody else to do it.
11. Already explained.
12. Breach of no contact.
For that matter let’s talk about anyone dealing with charitable organizations. Narcs are there too if not at the top the bottom. I will share. First I mentored foster children in law school. I had a bright creative troubled 9 year old assigned to me. We loved each other and bonded. One day she said to me that she “ saw us as the same but our skin color was not” so how could we be the same? The next visit I brought her a bracelet that had the words blood on it, I put it ion, she smiled and I explained that if you cut anyone the blood was the same. People are the same. She liked that and we had a great day. She was removed from me. Went to a foster family out of state. I wanted to remain in touch. She was my girl too. But the greater powers to be ended it. Why? I was allowed no contact for privacy reasons. Broke my damned heart! Then, I next joined the hospital program to help sick children. I took weeks of courses and started. I knew it would be tough but my senior partners insisted in my law firm that I travel each week to run the Las Vegas office. I traveled each week for six years. The hospital threw me out as you had to make a weekly and not a biweekly commitment. All that training gone. Why? Why couldn’t I do biweekly? Ugh! So then I started a charitable arm for a national organization to help Orangewood. A home for abused and neglected children. I did the first 3 events. A success. I could write a novel at what I saw and experienced. Yet they fired me and took over my plan after 3 events making it their own. I would not mind but I was not invited anymore as I was a lawyer outside of the organization. WTF? I put my son in the big brother’s program as he loved to fish. He said at age 5, all mom caught was leaves;) He had a long time connection with his amazing big brother and his father was often busy so his father was notified but he didn’t mind. I will leave this in a positive note. But my experience with nonprofits had not been empaths overall.
Hello Leigh, thank you so much!
I hope you and yours are well.
I created a new gmail account, new address, but it didn’t help.
To be fair, the toggle here used to say:
“Subscribe to replies to my comment”
It doesn’t say that these day, but instead:
“Email me new comments”
and
“Email me new posts”
The word ‘replies’ is taken away.
I wonder if there is anybody here who still gets email notifications of replies to their own comments.
HI AC,
Something happened because this morning I had several notifications and emails. Something was going on but maybe now its been corrected.
AC and Leigh,
I got one email notification of one comment from TS and that was it for last week.
I’ve been checking the blog daily, but I worry about missing a reply.
Hope you’re well and hopefully the issue gets fixed. Xx
Me and WordPress, like that. 🤞
Xx
Rebecca, I also got that notification about TS’s comment. Maybe wordpress removed the function of telling us about replies.
I don’t have time to visit other blogs than HG’s so I’m not upto date with WP, but maybe wordpress has this policy to encourage us to look at newest posts instead of staying on ancient ones…
Blog owners might appreciate it.
She could have been AC but equally she could be an ACON and desperately worried about what her mother would approve of?
AlexisSmith, Hello, it was a thought of mine that the lady seamed so eager indeed, maybe the mother was a narc … but my problem with this lady was that she kept the cafe girl working and working and fetching items of different colours for her. She was monopolizing the girl’s time, kept her working, and whining loudly five times about how much she cared for her mother. (Only two older men and myself heard the conversation, but normally, this is a quiet place). But this was as you say not a clear sign of a narcissist.
Hello everyone:
I hope this invites a discussion. But I used to help out dog rescuers for free for their legal issues. My high school gf asked me to set up a nonprofit for her in LA then I donated my free time. I loved the cause! But I had to stop as I never met a more crazier, cruel, nuttier group of people. stealing dogs even if in a dog rescuers home to defamation ( nonstop) to nonstop disagreements and competition and fights over money and fights over issues. Violating laws and rules and the platforming. It’s a weird world animal rescue. Noble cause but the people I found to be unusually strange. You had rich benefactors, aircraft personnel, people that chose certain animals over others and nonstop fighting. It was too much for me. Also as an empath I would foster dogs and fall in love with each one of them never satisfied until I knew a good home and as found. And I admit, I can’t walk into a kill shelter. I just can’t so I admire them like I admire my son the marine. Some people can do jobs I cannot do. Has anyone else got involved with animal rescue or rights groups? Thank Gos they exist! But what a world it is….
Oh hi Contagious! Love your insightful comments!
My experience in bird watching and bird saving organisations is also of … Highly Sensitive Persons. Some narcs but also many empaths. Sometimes we got to tell some ladies to give it a rest: “We can’t save All nightingales, those owls also need to eat” … People can be rather nitpicky with eachother in these rescue groups as you say.
Another Cat:
I hike daily and see these bird watching groups. They are fascinating. All ages, sexes, races but their technology, those fancy binoculars and cameras look the same. They are so serious in their quests. I am aware of a new 401 acre nature park being built by my home. An environmentalist put up 50 million, the Native Indians put millions and others and the federal government put up 20 million as 20 endangered species live there including the burrowing owl. I tell them where it is and it is public, park not done but they can walk there. Everyone would not take anytime to chat but on that subject their eyes light up. Truly a passion!
Good point, Alexis! A scapegoat child may act this way because nothing is ever right. However, would a scapegoat child wait until the next day to bring flowers to her mom? That seems like a manipulation to me.
Another cat, having re-read your comment, I cannot see an indicator as to whether the ‘mother’ is dead or alive. Interesting to consider though.
Hi Another Cat and AspEmp,
I have the same issue with not getting email notifications from the blog anymore. I get the “like” notifications, but that’s it. I have to check the blog for any new comments and I’m sure I’m missing a few replies, so if anyone replies to me and I don’t reply back…please understand I might not have seen your reply, I’m not ignoring you at all. Xx i hope this issue gets fixed. I tried fixing it, nothing worked. Xx
Rebecca, regarding WP – it could very well be a type of link within the WP program. As I suggested before, there is a planned version release in July 🙂 xx
Hi AspAmp,
I got the comments in my email today, so it fixed itself! Yay! 😄😁xx
Hello AC and Asp Amp–
I, too, have experienced this issue. I discovered when I subscribed to a new article of HG’s that somehow all my notifications had been switched to “Do not send”. I don’t know how or why. I turned them all back on 6/8/24 after HG posted comments…so I don’t know if it will make a difference yet. But you might trying subscribing to a new article of HG’s. When you click the link to confirm, you will be taken directly to the page where you can check if you have it set to send comments on articles that you are subscribed to.
I’m hopeful that it will work.
Thank you for this to Dani, I will try it
A.V.–
Did you get this issue fixed? Are you getting comment replies again?
I have, but it didn’t work the way I had hoped it would. What I am currently doing is making sure I select that I want to be emailed with new posts and new comments every time that I leave a comment. Thus far that has been successful. As far as I can tell, I’m getting emails for posted comments and posts.
Hi Dani, I did, yes, thanks. There still seems to be an issue with WP itself but I am getting notifications again. I am not sure how, I think I updated my WP account somehow, that may have helped.
Hello HG
If you are having phone sex – do you or can you get physically turned on by a womans verbal reactions/dirty talk/moans?
If you do/can, are the physical results the same whether youve already slept with them or are yet to conquer that endeavor? (Ie never met/met but no sex/met and already had sex with).
Or would it just provide you with fuel, seeing as theyre not with you in person and wouldnt know if you were lying about having an erection? Because youve said before, if you could get fuel from not having sex, you would. Obviously youre going to.appeal to the nature of said woman sexually (over the phone)and already know what she may like/enjoy.
Very interested to know
Sarah
1. Yes.
2. Yes.
Hg:
This is sensitive. The neighborhood children and dog owners flock to me. I think some of the parents love it as I am a free babysitter and I have dogs and grass and a view of the ocean. I like the parents a. I make each child feel strong, smart and beautiful or cool daily. Mostly I listen then I hear about their worries. Mom and dad fighting. Dad sleeping in another room or worse what was said or done to them. These are confidences I won’t reveal.its not physical or sexual abuse but I hear telltale signs of narc abuse.i never criticize the parent but validate the child. “That must be hard to hear but you are so wonderful” and I give examples. Narc abuse is not illegal in all its behavior yet damaging. Could you do an intervener video on how to help narc abuse without upsetting the family? HG; you want to help narc abuse, start with those 0-9.
I’ve made a note.
Thank you! You are the best and the kids cannot access your material:)
Contagious,
So glad you asked for this. I’ve been thinking along the same lines. So much time and energy waisted on trying to heal and fix who cannot be healed or fixed. Better put the time and energy on children. To be that intervener.
Contagious, I think that’s a wonderful idea!
Hi Leigh,
No worries, I didn’t know any different, it was the way I grew up. I don’t pity myself and it gave me some strengths, as well as some weaknesses. Xx I wish my mother was different, but she couldn’t fix herself, she wasn’t aware of her own behaviors and how much she hurt other people. She was abused when she was a child. She had her own demons on her back. Despite everything, part of me still misses her and loves her. Part of me still holds resentment too. I feel like two halves of one person, when it comes to how I feel about her and how I feel about a lot of my childhood/ life in general. The two halves of me fighting, the emotional thinking side and the logical thinking side, Dark wof and White wolf. Your empath make up is like mine, Triple split….Do you have that fight within yourself too? Xx
Excellent suggestion, Contagious. I know there are many people who can use that information.
Dani and Leigh;
It’s a tough one. If it’s physical or sexual, of course you go to authorities. But if it’s the other, it’s so sad. You can never put down a child’s parent as they worship them. I don’t even criticize the behavior ( but quietly I weep inside as I know). What I do is to try to provide a nourishing sanctuary. Greet them as if they are Christmas incarnate. Listen. Tell them how smart, and wonderful they are but in truthful ways. We had a mild earthquake and my neighbors 4 year old said “ I think a pipe broke underground.” I told him that was a wise observation as fault lines are like pipes breaking underground. He is often sad as his parents are divorcing. My neighbors daughter mimics me lol. She’s very fashionable. She even wears pink sparkling heels! lol I often complement her on the specific choices she makes. I have noticed recently her doing the same to me and others. Kindness is contagious. But it’s tough when a child shares something that is clearly narc abuse repeatedly. Beyond what I said I do, I do nothing. I hope HG advises in the future. Narcs can’t change. No reasoning but is there more that you can do? I don’t know. Also interesting is I think empaths attract children, dogs, animals , people in need of all types and narcs. Not sure psychopaths. My ex narc said part of me is a 5 year old. And I write children’s books and paint characters from them as a hobby. I will probably be criticized by saying so but do empaths have a child like aspect of them? If so, why? It would make sense then that children, dogs ( toddlers), those in need and even narcs ( wounded children) are attracted or our we motherly or both?
Hi Contagious,
I agree! Kindness is contagious!
Children and animals don’t gravitate towards me. Actually people in general don’t gravitate towards me. I’m a bit of an introvert and I have difficulty drawing people out.
When I do have conversations with children, I try to be as encouraging as possible.
A couple of days ago I witnessed a mother ask one of her sons, “Whose my good son? Are you my bad son? Is your brother my good son?” It was deplorable. I think encouragement and validation is so important. This mother did the complete opposite.
The kids in your neighborhood are lucky to have you!
Don’t you have Magnet in your makeup? Maybe that’s why they’re drawn to you? Although I guess it could be childlike innocence too. Whatever it is, they feel safe with you.
Leigh: How awful! That poor boy! When an animal or child mistreated I just lose it inside! If you are a regular, and they are young, it takes only one person to intervene. I know this as true ( ok maybe not maybe she didn’t have the gene), but I once had a 5 year old neighbor who would come over my house ( always my case) and her father died and her mother was an older mother who never worked and was inconsolable holding seances to talk to her dead husband. The poor girl couldn’t sleep feeling ghosts were all over the house, often hungry ( of course I fed her) and feeling she was all alone in the world. She felt she caused her fathers death and her mothers sadness. She worried about death and asked the big questions. She is Jewish, I am Christian so a tricky one. I did my best. But for years I was her friend. Holding her hand, saying lions, tigers and bears as she moved forward confidently , giving her a teddy bear that gets rid of ghosts and bad dreams ( my kids had them too- it works!) going to her school functions with her mom’s permission. Her mom recovered slowly, got a job, sold some stuff and eventually moved. My little friend lived with her Aunt as her mothers recovery was very slow but we spoke on the phone on occasion. Now she is 36. She is Still my friend as is her mother. During my child custody suit, my child evaluator said it only takes one person: a grandma, a teacher, a neighbor, even a sibling to change a child’s course in life. So this is true! I right now have my 8 year old neighbor here but I adore her parents! Great peeps!
Hi Contagious,
The woman is a co worker and I don’t know her that well. This is the first time I’ve met her children. My heart sank when I heard her speaking to her son that way. I almost said, “You can’t speak to him that way.” But I refrained. It was hard to watch.
Yes, I agree. It only takes one person to change the course of a child’s life. You definitely made a difference in that young girl’s life. That person for me was my older brother. He holds a very special place in my heart.
Hello Leigh! Great to chat with you again. No magnet! Contagion majority but carrier too: then cadre martyr majority but I still think it has more to do with my tendency to dig in with anyone if a deeply held belief or cause, geyser and super. But small percent super like 8% I think. I am going off memory as I sadly deleted it and I have trouble with WordPress. But magnet is such a cool cadre!
Hi Contagious,
Mr. Tudor is very gracious. When my daughter lost her empath results, I suggested she reach out to him and he resent them to her.
I assumed you were magnet because the children gravitate to you. They run from me, lol!
Hi Contagious and Leigh,
I’m sorry, for interrupting your discussion on children, narc abuse and the seemily child like behaviors of some empaths….
Contagious,
You asked why it is empaths have child like behaviors and why animals and children are attracted to empaths….I think it has something to do with the trauma experienced and the time, during the trauma, that creates a stunned emotional growth for the empath, so the empath is emotional stunned in childhood for a longer period than a normal person. I’ve been told, in therapy, that I was emotionally stunned from trauma and why I can still enjoy things, like amusement parks, like a child would and why kids enjoy being around me because I enjoy things like them. Some of my friends have little kids and they love playing with me, I get into the imaginary play as they do and I have fun too! I don’t have any Magnet in my Empath make up, so it’s not any Magnet in me at all. I think animals are attracted to kindness, like children are, like narcs are. Who wouldn’t want to be treated with kindness? Xx
Hi Rebecca,
Your input is always welcomed!
I wonder if the difference is because I had to take on the role as parent very early on. As a child, I had to be the grown up.
Although sometimes I can have a child like innocence, most times I’m the stoic caregiver who just needs to get everything done and isn’t a lot of fun. Lol! I think that’s why the victim cadre likes me so much. Yuck!
Hi Leigh,
Thank you for welcoming my input. Xx
I think you have a higher percentage of Carrier than I do. I think also it’s because my Dad catered to my mother’s “nursing needs” more than I could, because I had school, homework and friends pulling me away from her more, than my Dad, who worked for 8 hours and devoted the rest of his day to her and her needs. He was the IPPS she was a LMRVN. She spent more time with him, than me. I learned to avoid her and escape outside with friends. There were times that she had me making her insulin needles and catering to her, but I wasn’t her prime caregiver. I was the stand in for Dad at times, enough so I learned some things I nurse knows about medicines and what works for pain relief and providing comfort. I was 8 when I started being her stand in for Dad/ nurse duty. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
Ugh! 8 years old is so young to be worrying about your mother’s medication. I’m sorry you had to go throuh that.
I just meant that because I had to take care of my mom & brothers at a very early age, I had to grow up quicker.
I’m the person that gets it done without any fuss. When I’m focused on getting it done, there’s very little emotion. To me, emotion is a hindrance and unproductive. However, I can fountain with emotion sometimes too. I love to laugh and I laugh loud. It uplifts my spirit.
For the most part, I’m stoic and that can be off putting to children. When my kids were little they preferred their father. He was more fun. Now, as grown ups, they prefer me. Now they see him as a child who can’t take care of himself.
It’s ok. I don’t mind not being the fun one, lol!
Hi Rebecca,
There was no reply button under your comment so I’m responding here.
I definitely have a dark side but I’m not conflicted. Its there to protect me and I embrace it. I wouldn’t say I have a light side though. I think a better description is neutral.
I also don’t feel conflicted about my parents. Once I’m done, I’m done. My father is gone and I don’t miss him. My mother lives 5 minutes away and I haven’t seen her in over 4 years. I won’t ever see her again.
I’m also not conflicted about my narc daughter. I’ve made the choice to continue that relationship even knowing what she is. There’s no conflict about that decision.
I do feel some conflict about my victim narc husband. Not about my feelings. That’s done. The libe is drawn. But I don’t want to give up but I also want my freedom. That’s where I’m conflicted.
Rebecca,
In my last comment, I meant to say that I don’t want to give up half my assets. I was thinkng that but I didn’t write it.
That’s so interesting! I don’t really think of trauma being in my childhood…. My father was a Vietnam vet and musician but an alcoholic and I was daddy’s girl but he was the kindest most nonjudgmental compassionate, understanding person I ever met. My mother’s father was a true As$ho&le who I never liked but we rarely saw him. I have secure attachments and 90% of my long term relations are with wonderful men where we split due to life choices like I wanted kids, he didn’t. Almost all are friends BUT and it’s a big BUT I spent 12 years with my current ex. We are finally divorcing. We have been legally separated for 6 years. And he still causes me grief. I was SHOCKED like a traveler coming to a new land and not knowing the language or the culture. It was complete culture shock. I had never experienced narc abuse and found myself first in such pain then angry and always confused… until our one and only HG educated me! I was as an early follower and devout ever since. It changed my life and I hope never to find another narc. So both sides of my family are amazing loving people and my dads sisters were near saints , I have had one friend who was a narc and of course lots in the workplace but an IPSS! In my case too, he is an utter wreck. Not at first, but he dropped years later. Real crisis after real crisis but after consultation, I no longer I feel I have to take doctor calls, social services or even the police! Everyone has different life experiences but if dealing with a narc , HG! Who you going to call? HG! lol I hear you…
I mentioned a story about a predatorial person who took advantage of my social circle and my narcissist was so triggered by this story. It turns out the narcissist was predatorial as well engaging in the same behavior the person I mentioned. Why was the narcissist so triggered? From my understanding of your work an unaware narcissist with midrange facade thinks they are a good person and don’t acknowledge all their predatory behavior. I can understand a normal person getting triggered bc they have a conscious. But why did the narcissist get so triggered every time I shared stories about others predatory behaviors.
When you say you “mentioned” a story, what did you say exactly?
I shared a story about a woman who came into my community and turned out to be a predator. She used and manipulated everyone in my circle. She was a con artist. Dated and used several people at the same time, stole money, lied, cheated, pretended she was a self help coach to get clients, even got caught stealing jewelry from someone’s house. Narcissist was so triggered had to leave the table. I then apologized for gossiping. Several instances when I mentioned stories of man eaters, players and predators in my community always triggered. I understand a NORMAL getting triggered bc of the conscience factor but why the unaware narcissist. Also I was not allowed to use the ..ore,wh… or anything like that. I was forbidden even if playfully or flirtatiously. The narcissist a female somatic was a man eater, very promiscuous. I don’t understand being so triggered since she was so unaware and thought of herself as an amazing spiritual and gorgeous Dalai Lama, she was far from it. Underneath the school teacher facade was a monster who preyed on communities and left a trail of spit out men/women.
Hyperia has opened at Thorpe park HG, when are you going?
I’m banned from Thorpe Park, so next week.
Are you actually banned? 😂
I can imagine you have had a few fights in the queue
No, I was joking. I understand there was a VIP launch for it which was festooned with “influencers”. I ought to have gone and disincentivized them all, the world would thank me.
Not all of them HG!
I found out about it through philc84 on TikTok and I like him. Although he’s not the typical “influencer” he makes comedic videos about places you can visit in the UK. Only the ones who aren’t funny
Damn. Too bad you’re joking. I wanted another good story to read with my bedtime snack.
Dear HG,
I have some questions and I’m approaching this opportunity with anticipation and a keen desire for enlightenment. I’m eager to read your thoughts!
1) If you were a fictional character in a story, what type of villain/antagonist would you like your fictional self to be?
A) The grey antagonist-mastermind mentor, who represents an antagonistic force but he’s not “evil”. He’s efficient, charismatic, highly intelligent, disciplined and often operates within a personal “moral code”. e.g. Carl Elias, Raymond Reddington (the show went to shit but the character was captivating), etc.
B) The classic-masterful-ruthless-tyrant Villain: A sadistic, Machiavellian genius, who will stop at nothing to get what he wants. E.g.: Lord Voldemort, The Emperor, King Richard III, etc.
C) The terrifying and yet entertaining sociopath, who is def an absolute See-you-next-Tuesday, but he has occasional moments of humanity, and his character 100% enlivens the plot. E.g.: Homelander, Killgrave, Patrick Bateman, etc.
D) The hiding in plain sight- devil in disguise: Behind the façade of a seemingly normal or/and successful man etc, lies a fucking monster E.g.: Norman Bates (1960!!), Perry Wright, etc
2) Imagine that you held the reins of power as Prime Minister of the UK, which first five laws would you introduce under your leadership?
3) What do you most often look down on people for?
4) What’s your most preferred everyday outfit?
5) Do you support or oppose the death penalty?
6) Peter Jones is my absolute favourite dragon.:) May I ask which (UK) dragon is your favourite?
7a) Have you ever watched the show “Banshee”? (It’s one of my all-time favourite shows, and I highly recommend it!)
7b) In case you’ve watched it, I strongly believe that the character of Clay Burton (played by the very talented, theatre trained actor Matthew Rauch) is one of the best and most accurate depictions of a “psychopath” on television. Would you classify Clay Burton as a “pure psychopath”?
8) I wholeheartedly agree with some of your political views, and I find your stances and analysis on those topics both intelligent and noteworthy. Are you planning to do more videos about social-political issues? (Please say yes!:) )
9a) While I don’t agree with Douglas Murray’s opinion on Brexit (even though I do understand his reasoning behind his view) I find myself completely agreeing with some of his other political views (e.g. about Israel <3, about Wokeness, etc) and I definitely admire his intelligence. What are your thoughts on Douglas Murray?
9b) Did you ever meet him in person?
10a) Personally, I find Greta Thunberg a hypocritical, attention-seeking, spoiled little brat and I believe she’s a narcissist. What is your opinion about her?
10b) Are you planning to study/analyse her?
Thank you so much for your time.
1. I would be me.
2.1 Restriction of suffrage
2.2 Abolish net zero
2.3 Revise the law surrounding drugs
2.4 Introduce national service
2.5 Extend my tenure
3. Their weakness.
4. Astronaut suit
5. I oppose it. I wouldn’t let people off that easily, my alternative would be worse.
6. I do not have one.
7a. No.
7b N/a
8. Thank you. Yes.
9. He offers some cohesive thinking. No, I have not.
10. Too suggestible and now enjoys the attention. No.
Dear HG,
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and answer my questions. I truly appreciate it!
1) Very interesting answer. I didn’t expect anything less! To be honest, I always thought the “fictional you” as an “A type”, but I think that’s probably my wishful thinking, so my assessment might be completely wrong:) Would you be comfortable discussing this subject further via an audio consultation?
2) Bold vision, Sir, but I hope you aren’t planning on making spacesuits mandatory for citizens because I would be totally forced to start a revolution. 🙂
Btw in the country I grew up, national service is mandatory for men but not for women. Regarding your proposed national service, do you envision this being mandatory for both men and women?
4) Space couture! You must be over the moon about it…
2. Yes, you want equality, you will get equality.
Thank you for clarifying things and for taking the time to answer my second question. I appreciate it. Cheers!
Not all of us seek equality, Sir.
While my comment may irritate some, I do not see men and women as equals.
I have had a professional career, working alongside both male and female colleagues, and while those female colleagues (including myself) were quite capable of doing the job, there were certain aspects of it that were more suited for the males to deal with.
I do not mean that females should stay at home pinned to the kitchen sink, although I do feel that bringing up a child is the responsibility of the parents and not for the child to be placed into childcare while both parents go out to work all day.
Society as a whole appeared to thrive a little better in years gone by, mothers (or fathers), being readily available to show love, support, compassion and guidance to their children, the family dynamic being a closer one.
My grandmother, who did work after bringing up my father and his brother, always kept an immaculate home, always made sure that there was a nutritious meal waiting for her family on their return home and attended to all the chores that were needed, and did so happily, I admire her and would be proud to follow in her footsteps.
Men and women are built differently and are not the same, so HG, I am more than happy for you to hold the door open for me (understandably for control on your part, or just the impeccable manners you have or the gentleman that you are), and I will smile and thank you very much.
Sending you love HG ❤️❤️❤️❤️
It’s a good thing that you are safely over there. What with all this talk about equality and disincentivizing “influencers”, the climate around you would get awfully huggy, with a heightened risk of kissy fits.
Hello HG:
I am curious as an Ultra how you escape control of your narc mother’s tactics and at what age did you do so.
For example:
1. did she try to use guilt? Ie I gave you life, I raised you, you owe me?
2. Did she try to micromanage your life? Ie bribe you with money, free lodging, assistance or connections?
3. Did she engage in emotional incest? Ie it’s you and me the special unique ones against the world?
4. Did she engage in explicit acts of control? Ie I will disinherit you, punish you if you don’t adhere to my values, opinions, wishes.
5. Did she try to eliminate any competition such as girlfriends, your wife, friends by telling you they aren’t good for you, they are dangerous, you can do better?
6. Did she react harshly when you didn’t give her attention or be present to witness her life moments so as to replay them back for her? Ie become aggressive, Rageful, engage in emotional or psychological abuse like silent treatments, scorn, criticism, verbal abuse?
7. Are you able or were you able to have agency, ie have your own opinion, own voice, own autonomy.
8. Did she try to make you an extension of herself where your achievements were your own? Or
9. Was she envious of your achievements?
10. If yes to some or all, at what age did you realize her selfish dependence on you and her control?
11. How did you break the control to become the Ultra?
1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. Yes.
4. Yes.
5. Yes.
6. Yes.
7. In certain circumstances.
8. Yes.
9. She was.
10. In my teens.
11. That will be revealed in due course.
Dear Anna Plyance,
disincentivizing “influencers” was not my intention, each to their own, live and let live, if they or anyone else becomes offended by my own personal opinions and my choices in life then that is something they need to address with themselves, we are all entitled to our own opinions and shouldn’t be made to feel bad because of them. That said, I personally would not want to intentionally upset anyone.
Influences as the title suggests, attempt to change the thoughts and opinions of others, in a healthy world it is good, and in my opinion, positive to expand ones mind in order to compassionately understand and accept others, therefore it is important and necessary to hear other’s opinions and to have a healthy discussion around them.
We all come from different religions, cultures, socio economic background etc. in fact you could argue that growing up with a narcissistic parent or not for that matter would influence how you grow up in adult life and the choices and decisions you choose to make.
Just because I do not feel the need for equality and I do not feel that men and women are equal (in everything), does not mean my opinion is any less valuable than those who believe in equality, and you could argue why should I accept their opinion if they do not accept mine ? I repeat, respectfully, Live and let live 🤍
I don’t usually do that, Carole… Responding to a random person on the internet about something they wrote. But since your comment appeared underneath my comment and I had a notification in my email about it, and I nearly choked on my coffee and cookie after I read it, here we are… I am not even a feminist anymore and yet I don’t think I ever read a more toxic, self-serving, pick-meeeee-I-am-so-much-better-than-all-the-other-bad-women and backwards comment on this blog so far. (Ave Maria, this is NOT a challenge). Your comment gave me an instant flashback from my time in high school and reminded me so much a former classmate who had a major (and a very unhealthy) crush on our maths teacher and she had no problem throwing all other girls under the bus just to have some crumbs of his attention. Yes, Sonia was pathetic… but she was only 16, she was just a kid, you know… But you Carole…ahh… a completely different level…
It’s one thing to be able to acknowledge the fact that men and women ARE actually different (e.g. men are in fact physically stronger than women. That’s simply a biological reality) and that’s absolutely okay and it’s another entire thing to say, “I do not see men and women as equals.” You are definitely entitled to your opinion, but your opinion doesn’t reflect reality and is utterly devoid of any factual basis.
You cling to outdated and misogynistic stereotypes, deluding yourself that you have some “profound insight” into the nature of human equality… You parade your “professional career”, as if it’s somehow “solid proof” that “women can’t do it as good as men” and you actually attempt to justify your archaic views by citing the isolated experiences of your limited professional circle…
Your crafted disclaimer about not meaning to “pin females to the kitchen sink” is about as convincing as Nicolas Cage’s performance in The Wicker Man (“Aaah not the beeees…”), and by immediately following that with your deeply regressive view on childcare, only proves that this is exactly what you believe… I know actual misogynists-abusers who would be proud of you, so… congrats! Who cares if your assertion is an absolute insult to the countless working mothers out there who provide for their families? As long as you managed to “elevate” yourself from all the other “bad” women out there, that’s all that matters!
You are longing for a bygone era that *never really existed the way you painted it and once again, it doesn’t reflect anything remotely resembling reality. You are romanticising a past era by having this fantasy that society was “better” when women stayed at home, and you seem to conveniently ignore the fact that back then, women were actually FORCED into those “traditional roles” and they lacked the resources and the fucking autonomy to choose their own paths. Your grandmother sounds like a woman who was probably exhausted and overworked and the reality is that many women like her had NO CHOICE but to shoulder the burden of the “perfect housewife”. That’s not admirable, it’s actually fucking unfair and sad and it’s a product of a system designed to keep women subservient. You are also ignoring the countless generations of women who have been denied opportunities for education, employment, and self-fulfilment and the fact that many women of that era were often trapped in abusive marriages and had no way out.
Your comment it’s actually a very good case study, psychologically speaking. It lays bare the deep-seated contempt and envy you harbour for other women; You seem to think you’re spitting some kind of truth bomb, but all you’re doing is simply revealing your insecurity, your condescending “superiority” and your desperate need for validation and attention. And btw It’s quite obvious *Who you’re trying to “impress” with that comment.. Come on… It’s not Homer’s Iliad where we need to search desperately to find out “what the poet truly wants to say”… nop. You’re absolutely desperate for HG’s validation and approval and in MY opinion your attitude towards HG, an actual sociopath, is not just pathetically laughable but it’s also so unbelievably cringeworthy that makes me wonder if you are actually mentally okay. Many women in this blog, myself included, have been helped tremendously by HG. I am personally indebted to him for his assistance. However, It’s one thing to appreciate his intelligence and feel gratitude towards him, and it’s quite another to make a fool of yourself just to gain his attention and to blindly idolise him to the point of fantasising about him “opening a door for you” (?) and promising to “smile for him”… (??). In MY opinion this is deeply disturbing, but at the end of the day, no es mi circo no son mis monos… What truly annoys me is the hypocrisy. Let’s be clear here, you are acutely aware of the audience you’re addressing, aren’t you Carole? This blog is frequented by survivors of narcissistic abuse, and you are promoting the very same attitudes used by abusers to control and demean their victims. You are perfectly aware that your words are likely to be read by survivors who have been hurt by the very type of manipulation and control that you seem to romanticise. Your “opinion” isn’t just a harmless take; it’s a harmful echo of the very systems that some of us fought really fucking hard to escape from. But no worries… I’m pretty sure you are SUCH an “empath”.
To clear up an apparent misunderstanding, my previous comment (https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-17/#comment-455207) was directed at and referencing comments by HG. I would have thought that, since Carole’s comment did not actually describe equality but sameness / identity, this would have been obvious. I apologise if I have caused any confusion.
Carole,
In response to your comment in which you expressed your opinion that not all women seek equality, I would like to convey some of my well-intentioned observations.
I do not wish to berate or criticise you or what you have said. To some extent, I agree with you when you say, ‘live and let live’.
We are all here on the blog reading and commenting because we all feel some kind of pull or attraction in being here. In that, we all have something in common.
While reading your comment, I noted that you said you had a professional career and that you worked alongside both men and women. In order to have a career, I am guessing that you were able to have an education that enabled you to obtain a qualification to work in your chosen profession.
You had that choice to work and have a career. You had the opportunity to obtain an education and a qualification.
You can have an opinion, just like everyone can.
However, the choices available to you to educate yourself, work and have a career alongside both men and women are largely due to women who came before you who fought very hard for very long to make change so that others after them can have such choices and opportunities.
You are now able to look back at your experiences and *know* what it’s like to have the choice available to you. You *know* what having a professional career is like.
For that, you can thank women who didn’t have those same choices and opportunities. You can thank women who didn’t stand back and stay quiet but stood up and fought for other women like you.
Carole and Oh la–
I’m a traditionalist in many ways, but I’m also a fan of equality. I’ve met some of the most formidable women in the world whilst pinned to a kitchen sink, and each lady was absolutely my equal.
Equal in value, different in physicality, making some “roles” more obvious for one or the other. Not necessarily cut and dried even then. But always equal in value.
Dear HG,
I personally have had issues with equality at work. There are some, whom I work with, that believe women are beneath them and not worth hiring. I’m currently dealing with this very issue at work.
I think people are people, not meaning to sound like a DM song, but the truth is there are some men who can do a job well and some women who can do the same job just as well, as the men. There will be somethings, some men can’t do and there will be somethings some women can’t do. We are all different, even among our own sex….some are stronger, some weaker, more intellegent etc. I can’t honestly say that all men are better than all women, or vice versa. We’re all human, with each of us capable of doing what we excell at, whatever that may be. There are some women out there who are bodybuilders and they’re very strong, stronger than some men. She didn’t listen to the people, who told her not to do it, shs did it and excelled at it! Your own limits are your limits. People are capable of doing what they want to accomplish, if they have the desire, will and determination to do it. Male or female, makes no difference, you are what you want to be, the goal you set for yourself, man or woman. It’s up to you. Xx
“I also find the weaponising of empaths and having them go into battle with my kind entirely in accordance with my worldview.”
From your home/about page.
Can you elaborate?
Thank you.
Sir, did you come across Saltanat Nukenovas’ case? She was beaten to death by her husband Kuandyk Bishimbaev (former Minister of National Economy of Kazakhstan). They were married for just about a year (2022–2023), so basically a dynamic where the devaluation period ended up deadly. The beating took place in a restaurant for about 8 hours and there’s video footage showing parts of it, which was demonstrated in court. Bishimbaev must be a narcissist with a sadistic streak of a Lesser variety, would be my estimation.
What raised a question for me is the 8 hours period of him repeatedly leaving the room where it took place and then returning and continuing. I understood it to be caused by a circling ignition of fury, wounding and threat to control because of her reappearing on his radar by proximity as she couldn’t flee at that point.
But on the other hand she would have been under control within the first sessions of beatings and automatically compliant, ‘out of order’ by the injuries and the hurt thus not presenting a threat anymore. So why would his narcissism continue with fury and assertion of control in this repeated manner? Is it because it would have established that after this event she would definitely leave him, this time (she tried previously), and he was trying to assert control of the future event? Or was he in a fury-rush or fuel-rush or is it both and he was only asserting control in the now? Or perhaps there was a switch where he decided that she would not get out of this room alive? The sadistic streak would have also compelled him to continue.
Is it that; in his reality she was disrespecting him by not being compliant with his (devaluing) treatment of her on that evening and in general from the moment she entered the sustained devaluation, and the sensation -challenge to his control- summoned up in that instant and caused the repeated ignition of fury, where she (threat) would reappear on his radar, thus him walking in and out, back and forth throughout that night unable to solve the situation in a more evolved manner. And it would be based on the challenge and threat to his narcissistic pillars of a Lesser, in particular Attention Seeking (public persona and image threat) thus deciding to get rid of a malfunctioning appliance/threat, Entitlement and Lack of Accountability (I commence what I must -make you pay for your transgressions- and no one can stop me), subconsciously, and only focusing on the now.
Gosh Jordyguin that’s horrific. Thank you for sharing! Your questions are good. For me, it’s all fury and lack of impulse. In war, you hear of torturing like this. It’s torture as she was under control earlier but it continues way beyond the point of control. Sadism ? Extended fury? Awful. Just awful!
Contagious,
Yes, it’s horrific. It’s beyond awful. It’s gruesome and absolutely abhorrent.
The murderer is a lowlife, lower than scum. He is a spoilt, overindulged brat; a sadistic bully and pathological liar.
It’s evident that his self-entitlement is off the charts, aided and abetted by his family and others. He has never been properly held to account for anything, even when convicted previously for the crime of corruption.
It raises a strong and compelling argument to reinstate the death penalty – a life for a life.
WiserNow,
The United States still has the death penalty, but the penalty is rarely carried out and individuals can remain on death row until they pass of natural cause.
Athena you are correct it’s slowed down in MOST states not in Texas. the death penalty’s status varies across the US.
States with Active Death Penalties
1. **Texas**: One of the most active states in carrying out executions.
2. **Florida**: Frequently conducts executions, primarily by lethal injection.
3. **Georgia**: Uses lethal injection for executions.
4. **Alabama**: Carries out executions, mainly using lethal injection.
5. **Ohio**: Also performs executions, primarily by lethal injection.
6. **Arizona**: Conducts executions by lethal injection.
7. **Mississippi**: Actively carries out executions.
8. **Oklahoma**: Uses lethal injection but has contingency plans for other methods.
9. **Missouri**: Conducts executions primarily using lethal injection.
States with Moratoriums
Some states have imposed moratoriums on the death penalty, meaning executions are temporarily suspended even though the death penalty is still legal:
1. **California**: Governor Gavin Newsom issued a moratorium in 2019.
2. **Oregon**: Has a moratorium imposed by the governor.
3. **Pennsylvania**: Governor announced a moratorium on executions.
States with Recent Executions but Low Frequency
1. **Tennessee**: Has conducted several executions in recent years.
2. **Nebraska**: Carried out its first execution in several decades in 2018.
3. **South Dakota**: Occasionally carries out executions.
### States that Have Abolished the Death Penalty
A significant number of states have abolished the death penalty altogether, including:
1. **New York**
2. **New Jersey**
3. **Illinois**
4. **Maryland**
5. **New Mexico**
6. **Connecticut**
7. **Washington**
8. **Colorado**
9. **Virginia**
Federal and Military Use
The federal government also has the authority to carry out executions, and the death penalty is used in the military justice system, though it is rare.
Execution Methods
While lethal injection is the most common method, some states have alternative methods:
1. **Electrocution**: Authorized in states like Alabama.
2. **Firing Squad**: Recently reinstated as an option in states like South Carolina.
3. **Gas Chamber**: Legal in a few states as an alternative.
I must admit, I am not in favor. Religious reasons for me but also the appeals. It costs a million or so on death penalty cases. I just found the story so mind boggling horrible I wish he would fry. It’s interesting as if I was there no doubt with a gun in hand and I am licensed that I would END him but if after a trial, someone asked me to pull the switch. I could not. It’s morally complexing. When I applied for prosecution jobs, I had to agree to work on death penalty cases. I did on one. Anyway this torturer murderer waste of life must never be allowed to harm another. I hope he is stopped forever. I wonder who kills more, narcs or psychopaths or narcissistic psychopaths? Or others? When you throw wars in it makes it even more complex. But Jordyguin gave a great example of how narcs can harm beyond belief.
Hello again Contagious,
Considering the numerous factors in the case of Saltanat Nukenova’s murder, there are things that seem apparent to me, as follows:
– the hideous brutality and length of time that Saltanat was being beaten shows the sustained rage of the murderer and the devaluation of her.
– after listening to news reports in the Kazakh language, it appears that the murderer was communicating with one or two other women in a romantic way at the time he attacked his wife.
– on the day of Saltanat’s death, the murderer was communicating on social media with another woman.
– it seems that Saltanat and the murderer may have been arguing about his cheating and infidelity. In court, he accused her of being jealous and aggressive. Clearly, a case of projection and victim-blaming.
The sustained brutality of the murder appears, to me, to show the narcissist’s hypocrisy and entitlement.
The murderer wants to kill his wife and also wants the fuel received from her. He attacks her because he is angry that she is standing in the way of him conducting extra-marital affairs. His self-entitlement wants her gone to enable him to have relationships with other women. Yet, he needs her to stay for fuel and control, and to sustain his facade. He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too.
It’s delusional, hypocritical and grossly self-entitled. It shows he is void of remorse and reason. It is an utter lack of empathy, self-reflection, conscience and realistic thinking.
Interesting input WN.
„It raises a strong and compelling argument to reinstate the death penalty – a life for a life.“
My thoughts exactly, but where there is psychopathy involved it becomes very difficult. Psychopaths just can’t understand what they did wrong. They have an alien mind of processing life or the worthiness of life. They can describe it as being the best feeling ever when „someone else is gone, but I’m still here“. Death of others makes them content in a positive way if one could describe it as such. And they don’t understand or don’t agree why they are not allowed to feel “happy” when they just try to alleviate that boredom which sort of kills them. They completely lack the ability of understanding/feeling/accepting/respecting the other human being as alive, as human, as a free individual. It is very difficult for us to understand how it can be.
Further point:
He beat out a confession out of her that she had an affair and filmed it as evidence. So there was a jealousy issue as well. Which brings us again to the control and fury issue. Usually it’s the Lessers who murder on the basis of jealousy.
Youtube therapists categorise him as a pure psychopath, but I think he can’t be.
I wasn’t planning on watching the whole thing, but ended up doing it because of the judge actually. She was fascinating to observe and follow and rocked this trial. Bishimbayev is such a handbook Lesser and delivered himself on a plate… The YT population (in my video recommendations) continue to put him on an aware psychopath shelf and assign him far more abilities than he actually has. His actions were based on a challenge to control/ fury/ ‘in the now’ and alcohol based, no planning involved whatsoever, in my opinion.
Saltanat would have been a Super=Contagion, Co-D, Magnet,Savior and for his type way too difficult to control. Devaluation commenced swiftly. Even though he pulled all manipulations and abusive tactics possible, she „fought back“ and let her fam and friends sporadically know what went on, sended them pics and made attempts on leaving him but the codependency interfered and she returned each time, even though she wrote to her friend that „Therapy is not changing him, he belongs to those who never change…“ She understood it, but unfortunately for her, she stayed for too long…
________
Contagious, remember the red aura thing? I came across it. It’s in the video: Narc Magnet. You were correct😽
Jordy,
“…but where there is psychopathy involved it becomes very difficult. Psychopaths just can’t understand what they did wrong.”
I don’t see it as ‘difficult’.
Murder is murder. It’s a crime. It’s illegal and punishable.
Sultanat Nukenova’s murder was perpetrated by her husband, someone who also professed to ‘love’ her.
The murderer is deluded and devoid of personal conscience. He cannot be trusted and is an outright threat and menace to others. He does not belong in ‘civil’ society.
If, for example, the murderer was a diagnosed schizophrenic, took a knife and randomly began stabbing people, he would very likely be shot and killed by police to stop him.
In the instance of a murdering schizophrenic being shot by police, there would be no argument from the surrounding public. It would not be ‘difficult’ to understand.
I understand what you mean WN, I agree with you.
Let me rephrase it. In relation to the death penalty – a life for a life. If going deeper into the ‘civil’ society rabbit hole; what is the difference between Bishimbayev, a murdering schizophrenic, a psychopath, a soldier following orders in war murdering the innocent population or the bad guys on the other side of the fence?
Jordyguin,
“She understood it, but unfortunately for her, she stayed for too long… ”
When reading these particular words in your comment, I first found them jarring. I then stopped to consider them in more depth.
Please know that I am not blaming or criticising you for saying them. Like everyone else here, you are free to express your thoughts and opinions. Upon reading your comment, I would like to express my own thoughts and opinions in response.
You may not see it or mean it in this way, or even recognise it, however, by using these words and conveying the sentiment behind the words, you are blaming a murdered woman for her own murder.
“She stayed for too long…”
So, if someone gets brutally and fatally beaten over eight hours and left to die alone, suffering from numerous, serious injuries, fractures, broken bones, holes in the skull, and more – it is ultimately the murdered person’s fault for “staying too long” in a relationship where the murderer also purported to love him or her?
You are placing the responsibility of the heinous crime right in the lap of the defenceless and physically weaker, non-aggressive victim.
I’m wondering if you can see that?
Jordyguin,
“.. what is the difference between Bishimbayev, a murdering schizophrenic, a psychopath, a soldier following orders in war murdering the innocent population or the bad guys on the other side of the fence?”
When considering each person you have pointed out, the thing that comes to my mind is that each one is operating as an individual (that is, a separate person with his or her own thinking and actions) within a particular situation that he or she is in.
The situation is important because it provides a context.
Along with context, there are also laws that govern within a society. Each individual must act according to those laws or otherwise be held accountable for not acting according to those laws.
When I consider the individuals you have mentioned, it also reminds me of the children’s game ‘Pick the Odd One Out’ where there is an odd member that doesn’t belong in the group.
The odd one that doesn’t belong with the others is the soldier. The soldier is following orders in war. The soldier is operating as an individual in a certain context, however, the soldier is also following orders to act in ways in which he or she has been trained.
If the soldier elected to become a soldier of his or her own free will, that would be a matter of personal choice. If the soldier was mandated to be a soldier, that is a different matter.
Personally, when it comes to war, I see it as a necessary but highly, highly unwanted part of ‘civil society’.
To my mind, I would rather ‘fight’ every minute of every day in ways that prevent a war. I don’t want to see soldiers – or anyone – have to go to war.
What do I mean by ‘fight’ every day? I mean argue and debate, raise questions, upset the status quo where possible, change expectations where possible, change my own mind and behaviour where possible, gain knowledge where possible, point out hypocrisy and lies where possible, etc.
Fight in small ways every day, not just in a war. Guard against it not just when a war actually happens.
WN,
„Like everyone else here, you are free to express your thoughts and opinions.“
Ain’t everyone else and I’m fortunate to be reminded by you.
…
After I have watched every goddamn livestream of that trial (have you, WN?) and several interviews with Saltanat’s brother and her best friend:
1. Saltanat understood what B. was. She was into psychology btw. alongside the astrology consultations.
2. Bishimbaev was in therapy and a diagnosed narcissist and Saltanat talked about this to her friend.
3. She proceeded on leaving him once and for all.
4. It would be too much to go into detail about the trial and all the information Saltanat shared with her friends, brother, assistent (texting and meeting up), but it’s a full accurate proof of all what we learn from HG about narcs’ dynamic from A-Z. From how B. came across her, stalked, seduced, devalued. And how she saw what he was from the beginning. She was clear about him: “his past is shady and nope, he is not my type at all”. And then she disappeared from everyone’s radar and the next thing was an engagement photo on social media…
And finally, if you missed that detail, WN, her brother was waiting for her the next day to leave B. and come to his (brother’s) place to stay there.
Just for you WN, one more time: Unfortunately Saltanat stayed for too long with Bishimbaev on that day and in general in that relationship she didn’t want to enter in the first place.
Research better, instead of throwing judgments such as „You are placing the responsibility…“
Oh and I’m not wondering if you can’t see that.
WN
“What do I mean by ‘fight’ every day? I mean argue and debate…” <– The reason wars will continue. Circular conversations which lead to nowhere. Only providing fuel to narcissists.
WN, I simply asked about the difference of the four and you went on and on with your delusion.
The only difference between the four is their justification for an unnecessary corpse at the end of the day.
That's all.
And since you went there: in order to end wars, you'd need to remove every single weapon from the face of the earth and make creation of weapons inaccessible.
Wars exist since people have differing opinions. But what goes too far is the creation of mass weapons in order to solve their needs in how to deal with their differences.
Jordyguin,
All the research in the world doesn’t change the fact that Saltanat Nukenova was brutally killed by her husband.
If I had the ability to turn back time so that I could be in the room while the beating was happening in order to research the event with my very own eyes, it would not change the fact that a husband brutally beat his wife to death.
She could have married him and stayed with him every single day for the rest of her life. That would not mean that she “stayed too long” and therefore was somehow responsible for her own murder.
The fact remains: her husband is an out-of-control thug and murderer. He used his hands, feet, aggression and anger to kill her.
Wiser Now:
Psychopaths know their behavior is considered wrong even if they see nothing wrong with it. They intellectually know right from wrong which is why they get convicted and unlike a schizophrenic who are rarer to kill. The FBI does a report on psychopaths and serial killers. It’s fascinating in that most are middle class community leaders regular seeming people and not what we see on TV. They can stop when they want but it seems to be a compulsion of sorts. They say psychopaths are the extreme end of ASPD and it’s not a word accepted in DSM who are typically your random criminals. Robert Hare is the lead authority on it but he was a psychologist in prison so his studies are considered skewed. I read the Sociopath Next Door years ago and there’s a new autobiography out where a person writes about living with this condition called Confessions of a Sociopath 2024. Anyone read it? Comments? I don’t get that term. I hope HG educates more on it. I have read a significant percent of CEOs and surgeons and leaders of countries are psychopaths but who did the studies and what was there sample? Unless in prison I don’t think most go to seek help… I look forward to HGs work on the subject. It seems very relevant today sadly,
Good analysis! If he were in America , he would fry.
Hi Contagious,
It’s unclear whether you are responding to Jordyguin or me, but I’ll reply anyway.
If you’re responding to my earlier comment, thank you for your reply.
If Saltanat Nukenova’s murder happened in America, would the murderer actually receive the death penalty? It would probably depend on the laws of the state in which it happened, I think. I’m not familiar with the US laws in each state.
Also, as HG has commented, it would depend on cultural factors in the US too.
The overall cultural norms in Kazakhstan were definitely a significant contributory factor in the social and legal norms surrounding Saltanat’s murder.
Ultimately though, her death was caused by her husband who murdered her.
Sir, I’m already victorious by proxy, anticipating how young HG (adore!!) made the mustache teacher’s day not so pukka. From your description, I think he was a Normal?
Why would a somatic female narcissist chose to not wear make up? I would think the lipstick and sensual make up would give her even more power and fuel. What does she gain from this behavior of never wearing make up?
She believes she is so beautiful already she does not need it.
Hi H.G.,
Why does the narcissist need to control others? What benefits do they get from control?
The narcissist needs control because they are hypersensitive to the need for it. If they perceive that they do not have control, they feel weak, vulnerable, useless, it eats away at the narcissist, conflicting with their mindset of superiority and brilliance and that cannot be tolerated, in terms of knowledge and how it makes the narcissist feel. Accordingly, the narcissist must have control to remove such a state of mind and feeling.
Hi H.G.,
Thoughts on David Goggins?
He is not someone I am familiar with.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Have you seen the latest Piers Morgan interview with said Baby Reindeer, real life Fiona Harvey?
The plot thickens 🕵🏻♀️
What is the role of a Former Intimate Partner Primary Source if divorced for 17 years? By instinct I’ve resisted most of the hoovers over that time span even though I’ve only just recently figured out the Cluster B component to her behaviors.
For the past 6 months I’ve been dealing with her in person due to our daughter having cancer. After about 3 months, I heavily limited my time around her due to her behaviors like manipulation, projection, gaslighting, flirting with me, hostile silent treatment, and triangulation with her husband of 17 years.
A couple weeks ago, the last time I dealt with her she was acting very hostile and unhinged. I kept my cool for the most part, but I told her that she needed to get some counseling for her childhood issues. Our daughter has since told me that I’ve been blocked by my EX everywhere even though I haven’t contacted her electronically in months. I was trying to keep communication open for our daughter’s health issues, but I guess I’ll just deal with my EX in person on an as needed basis. In your opinion, if I never contact her again aside from seeing her in person a few times a year, is this her final discard of me? God, I hope so…
The Former IPPS is an appliance in the narcissists fuel matrix. That individual is there to be controlled as and when they come up on the narcissists radar, they may be used for the extraction of fuel, the acquisition of character traits and/or residual benefits.
There is no such thing as a final discard. She most likely has placed you on the shelf and will hoover again at a future point or she has disengaged from you (it is unclear how reliable the evidence is in relation the alleged blocking of you everywhere). Even though there may have been disengagement, you are at risk of a future hoover.
Given that you are having personally proximate interactions with a suspected narcissist, there are further steps you should be taking and I would invite you to organise a consultation with me so that I can receive more information from you and provide you with the information you require.
Dear Mr. Tudor:
Can a narcissist be codependent? The Matrinarc in my life (NPD) has exhibited what appears to be strong codependency in her past intimate partnerships.
Thank you.
I categorise certain empaths as codependent. The narcissist may appear codependent, but it is better described as a reliance or need so as to avoid confusion with the empath.
HG
Is it possible for a narcissist such as a matrinarc to be a co dependant on a psychopath? or an Ultra? In a way they show Machiavellianism. They can maybe manipulate for material or financial gain?
It seems very common the wealthier people are in a way.
Have you seen the Netflix series “Monsters- Lyle and Erik Menedez”
I would love to see an analysis from you.
I only use the term codependent in relation to the empath, therefore a narcissist could not be a codependent with regard to a psychopath.
No, I have not watched that series.
1- Have you ever experienced narcissistic collapse?
2- Apparently fury is a response to narcissistic collapse in order to regain control, has your fury whether it been hot or cold always been able to prevent the above? If answer to 1 is no then disregard this question
3- Does your psychopathy protect you from narcissistic collapse?
4- So in a way psychopathy is a defence mechanism for narcissistic collapse if the answer to question 3 is yes.
5- So is it maybe plausable that a child who has developed NPD as a defence mechanism , if they are traumatised futher, may develop psychopathy due to protection against a narcissistic collapse which may have occurred?
6- There are different levels of ASPD, as you are diagnosed with narcissistic psychopathy, are you therefore NPD with ASPD?
7- What is more dangerous, a sociopath or a psychopath in your opinion.
Thank you in advance.
Can a narcissist Hoover an ex without a Hoover trigger. Hoovering just bc they are single and need fuel, not necessarily that you came upon their sphere of influence?
No, there must be a hoover trigger with regard to that specific appliance.
Hello HG:
From my many readings of your books, the knowledge blog etc… it seems to me you admired your mother’s behavior and saw it as powerful and adopted her coping strategies.
BUT what of other narcs?
1. Do you admire other narcs for their achievements? Their fame? Power? Access to Fuel?
2. Do you envy them?
3. What about empaths? Are you able to admire any achievements? For example, Harriett Tubmans role in ending slavery or Dolly Parton’s fame or book charity?
4. Is there anyone you consider your hero or mentor?
5. If no, is this the same for all narcs? Ie they put themselves as the best of everything in every category and no one compares?
6. Take a lesser, who loves football, would he put a picture of a famous footballer up in his wall and admire him?
1. I recognise achievement.
2. No.
3. Yes, I recognise achievements by empaths also.
4. No.
5. No.
6. Yes.
Thank you!
Hello H.G.
1. What percentage of tik toker influencers are narcissists?
2. What percentage of successful stand up comedians are narcissists?
3. What percentage of fire fighters are narcissists?
4. If the fuel is not proximal from lives why do they go live all day long?
5. If narcissists cant resist fuel, what would make a narcissist reject a woman hitting on them? Does that mean i can hit on any narcissist and they would play along as long as im flirting with them and providing them with fuel? Would they ever turn down a sexual proposition since it’s such powerful ways of obtaining fuel? (Obviously not from the devaluation with an ipps)
Thank you !
1. I have not undertaken any analysis to establish that percentage.
2. I have not undertaken any analysis to establish that percentage.
3. I have not undertaken any analysis to establish that percentage.
4. Who goes live all day?
5. Bad teeth and awful accent. The narcissist would accept the fuel until they no longer needed to or your flirtation was getting in the way of something else.
Hello H.G.,
You said you can sense an empath. How does a narcissist sense an empath? Do u feel the magnetic 🧲 force the same way we feel magnetized to narcissists?
It is a recognition of their existence as a consequence of a hyper fast assessment of the signals that they emit.
Dear HG,
congratulations on reaching 7500 videos! That is more than 4 for every single day since this channel started in 2019, and the live premieres should really count double, as you first create the video and then watch it all again in the chat. Thank you for sharing your time so generously with us, you are the best company anyone could wish for.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Have you seen the latest true story of the Baby Reindeer series on Netflix ?
No, I’m watching Fallout first.
Gorgeous HG,
You will never cease to amaze me, I am in awe of you ❤️
You have a private life, professional life and a blog life where you post at least eight videos daily, you have to research the subject, record, edit, post and monitor them, you post on F/B, I/G, X, Threads, Rumble (and others), you answer emails, hold consultations, monitor and answer comments on this blog, write books, take part in interviews, go to concerts, football matches, play guitar, see beautiful parts of the world… when do you have time to watch a series?
You are a man of immense talent, a genius.
Sending you love ❤️❤️❤️
I have limited time, I don’t binge watch but rather watch on a drip feed basis, often when I’m waiting at airports.
Gorgeous HG,
Thank you for taking the time to reply, it is appreciated.
You deserve every bit of downtime that you can get, you always work extremely hard… enjoy xxx
Do you have a powerbank? Also do you use the airport WiFi?
Has there ever been a series which you have binged watched as you found it so good? or where you able to control yourself?
I have several.
No.
I do not have time to binge watch.
Dear HG,
Have you watched “EVIL” on Netflix? I think you’d find it interesting how the characters and stories are played out. Xx I find it entertaining to see the behaviors and compare them to real life behaviors that I learned from you. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and your works. Xx
No, I have not seen that.
Dear HG,
Thanks for your time and reply xx
Do you think you’ll watch Evil and analyze the characters? Xx
It is not on my immediate list of things to do.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I’ve heard it’s excellent, enjoy.
It met with my approval.
Fallout was great. Baby Reindeer was good too. I preferred the former myself.
Hi HG! I am curious about how God like or delusional narcs are.
For example;
1. A narc goes to see Pavarotti live comes home and sings in the shower. Would he think, I am better than him….?
2. A somatic narc watches Jim Thorpe at the Olympics and thinks, I would have won more medals…..?
3. A cerebral narc finishes all Charles Dickens books and says my book published on Amazon is better….?
4. An elite learns guitar himself and posts songs online with 35 followers and thinks, I am better than Hendrix or Segovia put together….?
Are their limits to their delusions?
5. I have seen narc influencers say that narcs “ don’t interact with external objects or people outside of him. Rather they take a snapshot and interact with that representation in their own mind. “ This never made sense to me. How could you live in a big city, hold a job if you only lived inside your head filled with nonstop snapshots of interactions with hundreds of other people? If so, wow. Does this make sense to you?
6. Similarly this person says narcs are “ empty, empty schizoid, dead, walking zombies, no one is there, there’s no soul, they are an absence” . Does this ring true? Horrific if so.
To me, narcs are humans with early childhood trauma that learned to survive by pretending to be what they think is wanted by others or their view of perfection ( and by ultimately rejecting others because deep deep inside they feel unlovable and felt all they had was themselves. ) So fuel is when others support the narcs view of himself, what he has chosen to be. So I would think “godlike” would be subjective. They might admit they can’t sing ( but blame it on a lack of interest or their parents failure to give them lessons) but if they are an actor, they see themselves as the very very best … unique… a world 🌍 f their own…. No one touches their abilities… correct?
Thank you as always for your unbridled education.
1. He might if he is singing something Pavarotti sings or he may not even be thinking about Pavarotti.
2. Yes, that may well be a thought process.
3. Yes, that may well be a thought process.
4. Yes, that may well be a thought process.
No, by their very nature there are no limits to delusions.
5. There is some merit in what has been stated. The narcissist interacts with what the narcissist sees through the distortion field and does so on a moment by moment basis (which could be regarded as a snapshot).
6. The narcissist is empty. The comparison with a zombie is inaccurate.
HG,
Can an Aware narcissist be as delusional as a Midrange, or would their awareness of self behaviors keep them from being as delusional?
Thank you for your replies today and your time on the blog. Xx
The aware narcissist is more capable therefore more likely to achieve. There will be those that will regard an aware narcissist as delusional but that is simply their perspective.
Thank you for your answer, HG, it makes sense to me and helps me understand narcissism more. Xx
I’m shocked to hear, feom your video today, how many victims came forward over Diddy’s abuses over the years. The flood gates are open, indeed! Good for them!
I wonder why so many kept quiet for so many years, fear? Media coverage? Scandal? Whatever it was, nothing is stopping them now! Diddy is a huge bullseye target and so many are aiming at him now. Xx
Hello HG:
1. Why do narcs live moment by moment?
2. Is that the same as hand to mouth?
3. Why do they snapshot? I have read this before that they live only internally not externally… hard to understand.
4. Psychopaths deal head on with reality. Do you? I think so.
5. Some say that psychopaths aren’t mentally ill at all as they deal with reality. Do you agree? They say it’s a choice.
6. I think you said before, your psychopathy dominates your narcissism, true?
Thank you!
1. Owing to the need for control and fuel, however aware narcissists operate in the moment but also have regard for next steps.
2. You might describe it that way.
3. Already answered.
4. Their reality.
5. It is a matter of perspective what is deemed to be mental illness.
6. Already answered.
Dear Bubbles,
I saw the ad for that series recently, looks good. I’m currently watching, “EVIL” on Netflix, it’s surprising and interesting, and I think HG may like the series too. Xx A few narcs, empaths and psychopaths in the series, guess who is which one? Xx
Dear Rebecca,
Jessica Gunning who played “Martha” was superb. I shall look up Evil, thank you for the heads up . Xx
Dear HG,
Thanks, I’ll be checking out, Baby Reindeer, after Fallout. Xx Please let me know what you think? Xx
Dear Bubbles,
Please let me know what you think of the characters in EVIL? Xx
Hi Rebecca:
I am watching it too.
Here’s my guesses:
1. Dr. Leland Townsend is a narcissistic psychopath;
2. Dr. Kirsten Bouchard: normal. She loves her children and friends but she is quick to find scientific excuses for others to close the case and she has narcissistic traits of haughty and know-it-all. She killed a man but it appears to be in self defense as this “ victim” is called an evil psychopath;
3. David Acosta: empath as he cares about others beyond his family and takes big risks to help others he shows standard, carrier, maybe martyr, super traits maybe contagion;
4. Ben Shakir: narcissist- this arises from his discussions with the demon my guess is middle mid range as he thinks he is a good person;
5. Sister Andrea: ( I think she is the older brunette): super empath as she always is ready to jump in and help others and listens carefully;
6. Father Joe Millville: narcissist as he is a gambling addict, tells lies, blame shifts and engages in hypocrisy. Lower mid range narc? But not a sex addict but rather a gambling one.
What’s your thoughts? Of course it’s a series so no long time observations over time
Hi Contagious,
I agree with all your analysis, except Kirsten. I see her as an Empath, whose anger can be triggered and used against her. I thnk her husband is possibly a midrange narc, as he blows off his family for months at a time, climbing mountains for his business and a few other behaviors I noticed from him. He offered for Kirsten to go climbing this time, but is that because he suspects she’s having an affair and figures she can’t be with someone else on a mountain? Could be indicators and nothing more…? I enjoyed it. Dr Towensend was definitely a psychopath and narcissistic one, he enjoyed tormenting Kirsten excessively, but moved on to her mother and then he’s back tormenting her.
What do you think of her mother’s behavior? Xx I think she’s narcissitic. Your thoughts? Xx
Hi Rebecca:
I was not certain about Kirsten either but something is off. I changed my mind when she was so empathetic to the silent nun. But her kissing David and his reciprocity at the end of season 2 made me wonder about them both BUT David is a sex addict and HG says they are all narcs. It’s a tv series so our analysis is limited. The mother is being injected by Leland so before that I agree with you narcissistic! Fun series!
My best to you always! X
Contagious,
They said there’s going to be a Third season….I’m looking forward to it! I think David maybe a narc, due to his sex addiction, but these are fictional characters, so it’s going to be interesting to see how David continues to act like…The series is very good. I hope HG does an analysis of the characters….Please HG? Xx
Season 4 has been released. Every Friday there is a new episode of evil. I am watching on Paramount+
It is really fantastic. I think my favourite character is the priest “David” What is your favourite character Contagious?
Candied, it’s great!
I watched EVIL too. Excellent series.
I really found it amusing when Dr. Kirsten Bouchard’s daughters wind up Dr Leland Townsend on an online computer game. Brilliant! No Spoilers, you have to all watch it for yourselves. It was hilarious.
Another one I recommend is on Amazon Prime called “The Boys”
It is really good. I love how it is about the “bad” side of so called super heroes, showing they are not all perfect. It would be brilliant for HG to analyse, that’s for sure.
HG,
1. Have you interacted w/Patric Gagne (sociopath, hot blonde)? Charlize vibes.
2. If not, would you, or do you find your kind annoying / threats to control?
1. Is that the supposed therapist who has been caught out spouting a lot of nonsense. Nowhere near as clever as she thinks she is.
2. I largely ignore the less evolved of my kind save where I have a use for them.
Former therapist. Some people think she’s legit because she’s “out”.
1. Gaining views for your YT and site is a u$e. Time for a Dr Plagiarizer vid?
2. Is a narc mother more harmful than a narc father? Thinking of Patric, Angelina, Charlize, Elizabeth Holmes but to be fair they’re all psychopaths too.
“I largely ignore the less evolved of my kind save where I have a use for them.”
For example you use them as fighters and soldiers in war. As great or less great war machines (maybe they will get a decoration) or if not they become “Kanonenfutter”. Then they are somewhat useful but not even objects for you anylonger.
Narcs fight a constant war and people must learn to understand the language of the Narcs and face the truth. Otherwise nothing will change much.
“Ronald”: a song and music video about and with the singer Ronnie Radke of the group “Falling in Reverse”
The empath he thought was looking for a knight. She actually just wanted his sword. ( lol double entendre)
Hi, HG. I have a question, if you would like to answer it 🙂. What do people with narcissistic personality disorder have in mind when they refer to themselves as being superior? What I’m thinking is: the people they use for supply are hurt temporarily, but can very well recover. The narcissist however is forever doomed to depend on the strategies of extracting emotions from others since they are unfinished by nature. They lack emotions and they have to get them from external sources. So how can an incomplete product be superior to a whole one? I don’t get it, what is the mental gymnastics needed to see things this way? Thanks.
The mindset of the narcissist is one of superiority, it is innate in the nature of narcissism. A narcissist who makes reference to superiority is simply stating a fact (from the narcissist’s perspective). Your argument is based on the way you see the world and therefore makes sense to you and thus the narcissist’s perspective does not make sense to you. You wonder “how can a clearly incomplete individual consider themselves superior to a whole individual,” however you are missing out the fact that the narcissist does not see themselves as incomplete. The narcissist is complete, superior, effective and YOU are inferior, incomplete and ineffective.
I’m having trouble processing that where Sean Combs is concerned. I recently caught up with your 6-part series on him (which was excellent, of course–I was pretty sure the answer would be Yes, he is, but the way you laid out all the evidence to determine school and cadre was an eye-opener even for a longtime Tudoriteq).
It seems to me incomprehensible that he could not see (and resent) how the performers he produced had all the talent and creativity he lacked. His supposed tribute to Biggie, “I’ll Be Missing You,” wasn’t a “sample”: he just put altered lyrics with the same melodic line over the original accompaniment of “I’ll BeWatching You” (without
getting permission from the Police–which even Weird Al always does, although parody is protected–thus Combs having to pay Sting thousands of dollars every day).
Even early rappers did better than that. “Rapper’s Delight” uses the base line from “Good Times” but not the melodic line, and throws in a sample from “Here Comes That Sound Again.” Run-DMC’s “Tricky” mixes a riff from “My Sharona” with the rhythms of Toni Basil’s cheerleader chant on “Mickey.”
Biggie’s video for “Big Poppa” not only throws Mary J. Blige and K. Love samples together with an Isley Brothers song, but it also shows Biggie creating a character, as he boasts of his skill with the ladies, his importance in the club scene, the way he nails the girls other guys fail to pick up girls.
Then the camera cuts to Puffy in a hot tub, and the song falls flat. He mumbles, he monotones, he doesn’t even stay on the beat. He may be thinner and better-looking than Biggie, but you don’t care. You have no curiosity to see if he’s really all that with the ladies.
Combs is the dictionary definition of Aquisition of Traits, exploiting everyone else’s talent. His biggest hit as a performer not only stole from Sting, but also capitalized off Biggie’s death, which he may have arranged himself (Biggie was leaving Bad Boy Records).
We know This One’s Wife can’t see that she’s a mediocre actress compared to others, but Combs did have the ability to spot, promote, produce, and exploit the talents of others. Does he really not know that despite those abilities, he’s really not a creative performer at all himself?
Hello HG. Have you ever tried to ensnare a victim that knew from the very beginning that you are a Narcissist (might he/she have though he/she could manage it maybe, or any other emotional thinking in the like), and if yes, how did the relationship look like and what was the outcome? (Might be an excellent Video/Audio topic 😉
I have not tried, I succeeded.
I don’t like you, but I have learned a lot from you. There is a response you once said to me in a consultation — and then from time to time I have chosen to remind myself of, especially when I really, really want to hate you A LOT. I’m not going to repeat what you said — it wasn’t hugely groundbreaking or anything, but it was very pertinent, and not the usual “take” on such circumstances. Now and then I remind myself of what you said, and take solace in its accuracy.
HG: would all empaths love animals or pets. I lost my dog today and it’s like losing a person. My tears were never ending, the heaviness of grief, I held a funeral and it’s my belief dogs are angels from God. It’s unconditional love. Their lives are so short and they bring such joy. I just thought any person with empathy must love pets or dogs. Even if they don’t own one. I know you found my ex to be a narc but he shows high devotion to animals. He was a vegetarian. He gave to animal causes. He owned and doted on dogs even walking a disabled woman’s dig for free. My thought was in his abusive childhood that he had two safe things: his dog and his music. He is absolutely more loving to a dog than a person.
1. Is it possible that a narc child who suffered abuse who was isolated but for an unconditionally loving dog could grow up to be a narc to people but see dogs separately or extensions of himself?
My ex…He would almost make the dogs grandiose as the best, the smartest, the most charismatic and talented etc… his dogs were special and unique. Or dogs he bonded with ….not all dogs. I do not see any evidence that he just “ loved them”to look like a good person. “ He painted them, wrote poetry to them, wrote songs to them, loved bombed them and never devalued them or abused them. He often took photos together never posted. He had paintings and photos never shown in a drawer for him. He truly loved HIS dogs as if he was an Empath loving his children plus. He has fallen literally apart upon losing them near suicidal. They could be fuel but he doesn’t devalue or abuse them. He treasured them. He didn’t publically pronounce his time and effort to them. And the loss is REAL.
2. Any inkling what this could be?
Contagious, I feel for you, pets are little angels and it hurts when we miss their hearts beating in pure affection for us. You’ll be fine, dear. Remember, there are no survivors on this planet and no one gets out of here alive. There is one true certainty we can count on in life – that is death. All what we represent and cling on to will turn to dust. We have very little time, that’s why we must make all our decisions count. They are all that we have…
(Can’t wait to read through your clue-hunter discoveries! I saw it briefly already!Mwaa)
Jordyguin:
Thanks! They are angels! Mankind is not so good. I know it’s a part of life and am blessed to have experienced it with them.
I saw your input. It’s so good! Please keep playing still answers unsolved. Mwaw
Living in a countryside one is surrounded by the death of animals all the time and it’s still not that easy to get used to…Just lost my moony kitty last year, this year the fox returned and snuffed out my boss girl hen who was like a pet and the leader of the pack, followed me everywhere and talked and talked and talked. Though I forgive the fox since it took care of a dead deer on my territory this winter and basically does the job of cleaning the space (wild animals hit by cars usually) along with other scavengers. The fox can stay but leave the hens alone, yes? My cat boy brings me dead gifts regularly, all the rodents you can think of including squirrels, birds, young rabbits and once a little snake even, who played dead🙄.. I can open a cemetery.
Your exes love for the dog is so lovely though. Power of angels💓🐾 (for some).
Contagious,
I’m sorry you lost your dog and friend. Xx I hope your heart heals and be extra kind to yourself, take comfort in the company of friends, music and spend time outside, smell the roses and enjoy the sunshine…it helps. Xx
Rebecca, that is such a lovely comment and it touched me (reminded me of my dog & her company, her loyalty…..I missed her today). You really do understand & have a lot of empathy for others, so comforting / nice to see xx
Thank you sweet Rebecca! I buried her in the sunshine and gave a nice funeral. Local kids put flowers on her grave and her doggie friends attended. It was my ex narcs dog and he wrote poetry and sang songs that were beautiful but of course reminded everyone it was his dog more than mine and he is the true sufferer in her death. ( eye roll)
Thank you dear Rebecca!
You’re welcome, Contagious xx
https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-17/#comment-455224
yes, I agree about the dog being the sanctuary and when it’s gone, it’s gone. xx
Contagious, I am sorry to read about your loss. It is possible for a human (with emotional empathy) to feel closer to a dog than a person. Very few people would understand this in it’s entirety. Despite a narcissist not getting character traits from a dog, they can obtain prime aims by triangulating the dog with other people but a narcissist may appear to ‘care’ for the dog by giving it food etc because the narcissist knows the dog needs it’s basic needs taken care of. A dog is far less a threat to narcissists control and much easier than people to control yet the fuel ‘quality’ may provide a different ‘sensation’ than humans do ? I used the word sensation instead of emotion(s) because narcissists have no emotional empathy (not feel happiness, joy etc yet feel anger etc). What I felt for my dog was different from what I felt for people – it was ‘settled’, no anxiety, no questioning (I did not ‘question’ my father / grandmother & my sister when I was a child, I “questioned” my sister especially in the last decade). The pain of narcissists of my past was different to the loss of those that did not hurt or destroy the loyalty I had for them. Emotional pain is pain yet is different as I have explained previously. What am I getting at? Your suggestion of the narcissist “doted on dogs” – maybe that narcissist (and some others) also do not get the anxiety / no questioning when it comes to some dogs (and maybe some other animals) because of the far less threat to control and therefore their narcissism does not get ‘provoked’ as it would / may do with another human? I am just writing, not making a statement. Having said that, it would differ between, say, a Lesser compared to a Mid-Ranger when it comes to treatment of animals. It was interesting to read your comment, Contagious.
Contagious and AspEmp,
Thank you both for the kind comments. Xx A furry friend can mean so much to us and I know it really hurts when they die. I still have fond memories of my dogs I had in childhood, they do make such an impact on our lives, especially in childhood. Sometimes your dog is your only santuary and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Xx
Asp! Thank you! Interesting points! I think narcs get fuel from pets. Who else could you lock up in a trunk that would be happy to see you once you opened it? Just kidding. Dogs give unconditional love, attention, validation and the narc is master so it makes sense BUT what’s interesting with the narc I mentioned is how attached he gets, spends weeks bemoaning the loss, cries, writes poetry and sings for the dog, and even dog walks disabled peoples dogs for FREE. It’s the dogs not the owners he loves to take care of. Empaths or normals I get but he doesn’t really broadcast his time, doesn’t get money and truly loves his time with dogs. Must be fuel. But I swear he does better with dogs than people lol. The odd narc;) I have never lived without a pet. Be strange. I love them so. Family. But I love my children more;)
Asp:
One last thing. I find it interesting that in his horrible childhood. He was isolated from peers and not educated. He found comfort in 3 things. His pet dog or bestie, music and cricket. This remains in life. It might be a comfort “ sensation.” For me, I have 3 Frenchies: Inspector Clouseau, Lulu, and Jean Jacques ( stranglers bassist) . JJ is 5 months. I kept him and gave away cheap to neighbors who had loving families the other puppies this March or Louis, Baptiste and Amelie. Now, I get love, joy, happiness, and good exercise from them but I would not say comfort as they are soooooooooo much work;)
X
Greetings HG, will you ever do a video analysis on Jordan Peterson?
It is not amongst my priorities.
Hello HG:
1. Can a narcissist self supply when out on fuel supply?
2. If so what about tv, the internet or radio? Can that alone keep a narc from disintegrating?
3. What about hermits? I think of the isolated mountain man full of scorn for society? Can hermits be narcs?
4. Is there any class ( not cadre) that is exempt from being a hermit narc?
5. Are schizoids ever narcs?
Thanks!
1. No.
2. Read Fuel.
3. Theoretically yes, but they would struggle.
4. All narcissists would seek to avoid such a position.
5. There may be co morbid conditions.
Also 1.
2. do you follow the DSM?
3. The ICD?
4. Others like the ICF or even the CCMD?
5. How do you know there are other comorbidities? Like when you say psychopath and sadist?
6. I know you don’t hold yourself out as a psychologist or psychiatrist but did you have training or is it all innnate self taught?
7. Did you ever work in forensic psychology?
8. Give input?
2. I do not follow it, but I do have regard to its content.
3. No.
4. No.
5. I have witnessed this.
6. I have not had training.
7. No.
Thank you HG. For someone who is not a psychologist, I suspect you educated yourself on everything in it. You know the lingo, the theories but chose this platform to be about your “ experiences.” Hands on knowledge. That’s why people “ get it” with you. You speak layman language. You are from UK where object relations theory was born but you don’t refer to a person as an object but a person. But it’s clear you have delved into psychology, philosophy and history that add to your advice. I have said for how many years that your work should be taught in every classroom in psychology but because you don’t hold the degrees sadly it might not.
Question:
1. have you ever thought about getting a psychologist degree?
2. Why not?
3. Do you have some favorite leading psychologists that you like or works or studies done such as Robert Hare? Or the DSM?
Thank you! X
1. No.
2. I don’t want to.
3. No.
HG, are you going to cover J Lo’s recent vanity project and/or her P Diddy association?
I do not have any immediate plans to do so.
Almost immediate! *crosses fingers for P Diddy update* thank you for the video.
Hi HG,
The stabbing attack here in Australia has apparently been perpetrated by someone with schizophrenia. I’m skeptical of this. This vast majority of the victims were women which may indicate misogyny, he was in control of his actions, he was not yelling; it just doesn’t feel correct.
And while I may be proven incorrect in this instance and he really does have schizophrenia, do you think some schizophrenia diagnoses may actually be that of lesser level narcissists?
There is always the potential for a misdiagnosis I do not see this as something that would occur with any regularity.
HG and Elke,
The stabbing attack in a shopping centre in Sydney was shocking. After following the news the following day, I got the impression that the perpetrator had a mental illness and was probably under the influence of drugs.
CCTV footage of the man several hours before the attack showed him going to a restaurant and ordering a meal. He seemed normal but confused, as described by the woman who served him. Other footage showed him walking and staggering along a footpath and falling over as though he was drunk or under the influence of drugs. There were onlookers when he fell and one man went over to him to offer help.
These occurrences seem to show that he didn’t look threatening or behave in a threatening or angry manner. People were not afraid or wary of him.
In the news, it was also reported that he was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of 17. In the few years before the shopping centre stabbings, he was essentially homeless, or as the police described, ‘itinerant’, and he had sporadic contact with his parents. As the police have also said, there are questions that will probably never be answered now that the perpetrator is deceased.
Also, I have heard of people diagnosed with schizophrenia who can become violent due to paranoid delusions or drug-induced anger, paranoia or psychosis. It may be rare, but it does happen and I personally know of an incident where this has happened.
The Bondi Junction killer was a long term diagnosed schizophrenic with various tendancies who in reality should have been institutionalised (if such a system still existed). The “deinstitutionalisation” of the mentally ill that took place since the 1970s has been argued at length, and at the end of the day was deemed simply the most economical way for the government to handle this issue. Not having government institutions to house the mentally ill is of course so much cheaper, with government properties/land being sold off left and right and new developments built in their place and subsequently sold for millions. The deinstitutionalisation that took place succeeded in making the public “feel” soooo much better about themselves because now the mentally challenged in our society were no longer being “institutionalised”, which is a very bad tag. Instead they are now often are homeless and aimless and floating amongst society without the relevant connections to assist their situation. The Bondi attacker was mentally ill, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a certain awareness and proclivities as we all do. His preference was to calmly attack those weaker than himself (by way of gender, age, location or other).
TBS,
Your comment about the Bondi Junction stabbing attack is interesting and you have made me think of a few things in relation to what you have said.
Firstly, on the subject of ‘deinstitutionalising’ the mentally ill…
This observation will probably come across as very dry and technical, even though it’s meant to be much more humane.
From an economic point of view, the fundamental reason for people paying taxes in a society is to provide funding for things the society needs where those things are not provided by the ‘market’ system. The market system is made up of producers of goods and services and consumers of goods and services. In a very brief nutshell, producers and consumers, through their supply and demand, set the parameters of what is produced and in what quantities.
Getting back to taxes, there are goods and services that a society needs that are not appropriately or adequately provided by the ‘market’ system. Such goods and services are sometimes called ‘public goods’. This is where a tax system is used to fund such ‘public goods’. Examples include: social benefits for the unemployed; housing for the homeless; roads and bridges; defence and military; public schools; public hospitals; medical services; services like waste collection, water utilities, sewage systems; environmental protections; etc.
In economic terminology, such things are sometimes called ‘economic externalities’ because they fall outside of the scope of the needs that are produced and provided by general private business.
To call such public goods ‘externalities’ is a cold and dehumanising way to think about them. Instead, I believe they should be considered fundamental necessities with regard to building strong, safe and productive societies.
When it comes to mental health, this is also a ‘public good or service’, or perhaps, more to the point, it should be. To hospitalise the mentally unwell in a way that doesn’t ‘institutionalise’ them would be a more humane way to assist those who are unwell, and it would also be a public service in the interest of society as a whole.
As it is, when the publicly funded mental institutions were ‘deinstitutionalised’, the mentally challenged were then left to fend for themselves or became the responsibility of their families.
In an increasingly narcissistic world, this creates even more narcissism in society.
Back to the Bondi Junction stabber, he was a 40 year-old ‘itinerant’ man living with schizophrenia since he was a teenager. At one time, he was homeless and slept in a public park. He would eat at a place near the park run by a charitable organisation that provided meals for the homeless. From the account of a man who served meals at this place, the individual who would go on to become the Bondi Junction killer was very polite, softly spoken, friendly and humble.
In saying this, I am definitely not excusing his later ‘stabbing rampage’ and ‘shopping centre massacre’ (as described by some of the mainstream media). I am very aware that he killed six people and injured many others, including a 9-month old baby. His actions shocked and saddened millions of people across the country.
From some of the video recordings taken on the day, it seemed like he attacked people at random. I don’t believe he had a determined preference to attack women in particular. He backed away from some men who confronted him or were bigger than him as though he was frightened and decided in the moment that he would go in another direction. At least two eyewitnesses I watched on television talking about what they saw, said he had a blank look in his eyes as though there was nobody there.
About a week before he took a knife and started stabbing people in a shopping centre on a Saturday afternoon, he was on social media, looking for people to socialise with. At some point before this, he also advertised as a male escort providing sexual services. He was probably also using drugs. As it is, I can imagine that homeless people who have mental illnesses are prime targets for drug pushers or perhaps long-time users in relation to their mental challenges and living conditions.
All in all, it’s a sad and also frightening indictment of what can happen when mentally ill people are left to fend for themselves, alone and neglected, in a cold and unempathic society.
Schizophrenics hear voices that tell them what to do sometimes. Maybe the voice was a narc? They are rarer in serial killings, ie Son of Sam if you read the FBI website on it or reports ( best in the world on serial killers)
HG, you have told us about Munchausen syndrome by proxy.
I have noticed that many girls with anorexia have a domineering, engulfing narcissist mother. All the gaslighting and manipulation might wear the child down. These mothers often mention their daughter’s mental state on social media.
I have also come across the opposite, namely that the adolescent was a narcissist herself, “having” anorexia/selfharm to get attention.
Do you think that in families where a child is anorectic, then either one of the parents, or one of the children, is a narcissist?
One cannot say that the existence of an anorexic child means there will always be a narcissist parent, however, there is force in the suggestion that there is a greater likelihood than usual of there being a narcissist resent. Anorexia is a form of maintaining control and could be a response to a child being exposed to an absence of control, something which is invariably experienced when dealing with a narcissist.
I understand, thank you.
Thank you HG, for clarifying that about anorexia and narcissist, and that it can come about from having a narc mother. It was definitely true in my case, though I understand how it can come about occurring with a narc too, it’s all about creating control in the self. I get that, thank you. Xx
I was an anorexic adolescent/young adult. Not to the point of needing hospitalisation (no where near it), but I was very, very thin. I vividly remember the time I decided to change the way I felt and looked. It was a clear and conscious decision on my part, and there was absolutely no going back. I was 14. To the outside world I looked marvellous — I was super THIN after all, I was tall, and my clothes hung on my body beautifully. I sewed a lot of my own clothes back then, and made them to specifically to suit me. A few of the older men where I worked encouraged me to eat the Kentucky Fried Chicken lunch boxes that were bought for the office staff some days, joking that I looked like a refugee from Belsen. It was light hearted but there was some concern and truth in it. My anorexia was the result of needing to exert some CONTROL over my life, there is no doubt about that. Neither of my parents are narcissists, but my childhood was quite haphazard, with many twists and turns, however I had a good Dad (maybe he fits the description of an intervener). I’d suggest that anyone who’s guessing or doesn’t really understand or experienced the fundamental conditions of anorexia (or its cousin bulimia), that they don’t jump to cliche and well-worn erroneous conclusions on this topic. The dynamic involved is very complex.
There are many types of “absences” of control that could lead an individual to make a decision to control their environment via anorexia. As HG Tudor states, this does not a narcissist mean .. nor, is there necessarily a familial narcissistic background to be found for that individual. The human psyche is complex and the reasons for one behaviour or another are best not deduced because of a lack of understanding.
Hello sir, hope u are welll.
How can we differentiate between a narcissist and machismo. They share extremely similar behaviors.
The narcissist will exhibit indicators that go beyond simple demonstrations of machismo as set out in Red Flag and Black Flag.
But at the end of the day misogyny is brutal, subjugating women like that is extremely evil. How can men engage in parallel behaviors as a narcissist and not be a narcissist? What’s goin on there? Why are so many men cruel to women and don’t have the narc gene/diagnosis? What do you believe is this phenomenon that makes men act so cruel towards women, and yet not be a narcissist.
Cultural influences.
HG and Jenny,
On the subject of male violence toward women, a young mother was brutally killed in Australia earlier this week and the alleged killer is her ex-boyfriend.
Whenever a murder such as this occurs in Australia, the immediate reactions by the mainstream media and the general public is outrage with the predictable statements of:
– “this needs to stop”
– “something needs to be done”
– “another woman has become a statistic”
– “the judicial system is not tough enough”
– “all men need to respect women”
– etc, etc, etc
In this particular case, which happened in a rural area, the focus is now on the circumstances surrounding the granting of bail to the ex-boyfriend prior to the murder. He had been previously charged with three counts of rape, four counts of stalking, as well as intimidation, reckless destruction, and aggravated animal cruelty.
Obviously, the perpetrator did not change his behaviour as a result of legal orders and should have been locked up. However, if all domestic abusers are locked up to prevent potential crimes, there won’t be enough jails to hold them all.
The public reactions to this murder are wide-ranging, including calls for: men to respect women; the bail laws to be changed; domestic violence to be better understood and discussed; and regional women to be better protected because they have less ability to hide or escape from violent perpetrators.
Amongst the various points and solutions discussed in this case as well as many others, it is starkly evident that narcissism and psychopathy are never broached or discussed.
Despite interviews with domestic violence experts, trauma counsellors, police, legal practitioners, women’s refuge operators, etc, the topic of narcissism is never raised.
HG,
Why do you think narcissism and/or psychopathy are not discussed in such cases?
Lack of expertise or where it exists a reluctance to discuss the same without a formal diagnosis. This is where I have the advantage, I have the expertise and I am not shackled by ethical considerations.
Yes agree misogyny and male dominance is cultural, but why so many men engage in such behavior without experiencing any type of remorse or just good old empathy. Just a sense of morality, guilt, or good sense like this behavior is hurting someone.
Thank you for your reply, HG.
Considering the gravity of the crimes, and the utter brutality against comparatively defenceless people, there should not be a reluctance to speak about psychopathy and narcissism where there is no formal diagnosis.
As you are aware yourself, even formal diagnoses given by so-called ‘experts’ can be incorrect or misguided.
Also, discussion about psychopathy and narcissism does not have to be based on a specific diagnosis of an individual perpetrator. Instead, the discussion can be about the typical romantic relationship with a narcissist – that is, lovebombing, devaluation, discard.
The lack of expertise, I believe, is due in part to lack of awareness. The lack of awareness is due to the subject not being discussed widely and therefore not given importance or attention in the mainstream media and in the general public.
It’s a self-perpetuating situation. The lack of discussion creates lack of awareness, which creates lack of knowledge. This then worsens the incidence and number of violent domestic relationships.
Another factor is that the murder of women is becoming normalised – and that is shocking and abhorrent.
How many times does the media state that ‘x’ number of women are killed by a partner each week?
It’s a pandemic around the world, yet the general attitude is that it’s just another statistic.
It’s not about ethics or statistics. It’s about murder. It’s about orphaned children and devastated families. It’s a social madness and decay.
As a follow-up regarding the case of the young mother who was brutally killed in Australia in the last week, there are now peaceful public rallies being held across the country to demand that the government makes changes with regard to ‘gendered violence’. The focus is on male violence against women.
There are women killed at the hands of violent men every week in Australia. According to the statistics reported by one organisation, the numbers are escalating and there is currently one woman killed somewhere in the country every four days. (On a side-note, it is unclear whether this number includes all murders of women, or those murders where the perpetrator is known to the woman in a domestic relationship.)
The rallies being held across the country this weekend are about ‘male violence against women’. While this is definitely a problem, it sends a message that blames men in general. It blames men for either perpetrating the violence, or for not doing anything to stop other men from perpetrating violence.
To me, it seems like the message is the use of a sledgehammer when a finely tuned arrow would be more effective.
On the one hand, the rallies are a way to attract attention to the problem of physical male violence, which is a positive thing.
On the other hand, the rallies are sending misleading messages. The misleading messages are that ‘all’ men are to blame, and also that physical violence leading to murder is the extent of the problem with regard to domestic abuse.
There is a stubborn lack of discussion about psychological traits like narcissism and psychopathy.
This lack of discussion is creating more confusion about the problem. It is shifting blame and fostering anger – anger at men, at the government and the judicial system.
While the anger is righteous and founded on a real problem, the anger would be better utilised by taking a serious look at fundamental behaviour.
Mr. Tudor–
Jenny: What do you believe is this phenomenon that makes men act so cruel towards women, and yet not be a narcissist.
HG: Cultural influences.
1. Is the more serious cultural influence an empathic culture/culture that takes pride in being accepting of others or those that are overtly controlling/brutal toward women (have laws about flogging women as punishment)?
I’ve heard from women who live/have lived in both environments…and I’ve observed women (and men) who come from more overtly controlling environments say that they see the seeds of those societies growing amongst different social movements now.
2. Does a culture that takes pride in acceptance of others have weaknesses that can be exploited by normals/narcs/narcissistic people who immigrate from less accepting cultures?
3. Do empaths respond differently to sudden changes in the government, going from more democratic/more freedom to more authoritarian, than other classifications?
4. Are empaths more likely to fight against these changes, or is it the more narcissistic/narcissists/normals?
5. Which classification is more likely to continue fighting even after being tortured?
It would be interesting if you have time to analyze those going through or who have experienced that type government change and fighting/fought back. There would be a lot to learn there. I know you have a lot on your list of videos to make and a long list for the Tudor Scope. Toomaj Salehi is an interesting story that keeps popping up. The rapper sentenced to death in Iran, essentially for speaking out against the government. He wrote songs calling out how police brutality caused a young woman’s death and then speaking about the torture he experienced in prison over the internet (to my limited understanding).
6. Is there any likelihood of you selecting someone from that kind of background in the future?
Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it!
Hey HG, I’ve been watching your videos and they’ve been very helpful, thank you for your work. I have a question. As far as the references you use in your videos, would I be considered the shelved intimate partner secondary source, shelved non intimate partner secondary source, or something else? I’ve been divorced from my ex wife for 17 years and haven’t been intimate with her since the divorce. However, I have been propositioned for sex in the past and as recent as last month she admitted that she wanted to have sex with me. With all sorts of hoovers in between
You are welcome.
You are a Former Intimate Partner Primary Source.
Hi HG:
Have you read the killing field by Hudson?
2. Can you relate in anyway to the reporter in the book and film?
3. Any review?
I wanted to be an international correspondent. I spoke Some Spanish and French. I Interviewed after law school with the LA Times. I was told then that news journalism was dying and look around as many would lose their jobs. They offered me a beginner entry that I would never survive on. So off I went into law. In the beginning I did contract writing as was published in the San Diego union tribune but…. End of journalism dreams. I admire war correspondents. War is in my sons bathroom.
I have not read this book.
Hg: a fellow narc blogger spoke on war mongers:
1. In part he said it death was about control. Agree?
2. He also said it was catharsis? I don’t get that… you?
3. Finally what does a narcissist war correspondent get from covering wars?
4. I think those involved in war as military or news could get addicted to the adrenaline rush… where civilian life does not have. So says Junger in war? It would appeal to psychopaths agreed?
5. Have you been a war correspondent?
1. “It death”? I don’t understand your sentence.
2. What was a catharsis?
3. The Prime Aims.
4. Yes.
5. I’ve written about war.
This narc said death was about control and it brought about catharsis too. I don’t understand how a narc would find killing or a death cathartic… do you?
Grandiosity and a form of blame shifting.
As to war, “darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that; hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that” MLK
People talk over me alot. It is incredibly annoying.
They literally do not let me finish a sentence.
I have often told people how rude it is to do this. I have sometimes even carried on talking. I have stayed silent and just ignored it. I have been passive and also stood up for myself. Alas, it does not stop it. They keep doing it. I even have got up and walked away.
I find solitude more pleasant because of this.
HG
How do you deal with people who talk over you?
Interrupt what you are saying and are just plain rude?
1. I point out they are being rude and invite them to remain quiet whilst I finish.
2. I subject them to “the stare” which often brings about silence.
3. I keep talking until they shut up.
4. If they persist I either have them removed (where circumstances permit) or I walk away and leave them to their inane ramblings.
Could ‘the stare’ be an asset to an empath?
How does one learn ‘the stare’?
No.
Giggle .. I also use all of these and I stopped caring as much.
Hi HG:
There are 2.3 billion Christians in this world. 1.9 billion Muslims. 1.2 billion Hindus, 500 million Buddhists, 14 million Jews, 30 million Sikhism , etc… there are 8 billion in this world. Theoretically then most of the world adheres to principles that contradict narcissism even if 15% or 120 million exist.
1. Why then do narcs behave outside the tenets of faith? Psychopaths often are defiant to rules, regulations and norms. Are narcissists?
2. If they are unaware, ok.
3. But what about greaters? I doubt their heroes would be Christ, Buddha, Muhammad? Do greaters reject religion even if pretended to others that they believe as the tenets of those faiths contradict theirs? Why?
4. And I would think greater must feel immortal or above death as it takes as much effort to believe as to disbelieve. True?
1. Have you considered that narcissists might be over represented within those who are religious?
2. N/A
3. Because religion is a very powerful tool by which people are controlled.
4. I do not see the link between feeling immortal and the effort placed in believing or disbelieving.
Thank you HG!
No, those who teach love and act lovingly and with compassion and forgiveness aren’t the founders of great religions in my point of view, ie Christ. Although Sam Vatnim did a terrible job as saying Jesus ( the Prince of Peace) was a narcissist. He ignored his major teachings. And to say Mother Mary was an unwed woman who slept around is not what Christians believe. You can’t analyze something if you reject what is stated. It’s like saying God is a narcissist as he created Jesus. You would have to know God and his background lol. It was awful! Many of his videos are. It is not the reason I favor you as the leader of this topic. Anytime I venture out to another, it’s regurgitated information or lacking. Sam bothers me as he has this whole theory that narcs are created at 0-36 months. And he discusses what the baby is thinking. I don’t know how he knows what a baby thinks but his whole theory of narcissism is the baby has a “dead mother “ so he never separates and grows up and his cycle is repeating this childhood wound. Finding an IPSS like an ideal mommy then devaluing her to the bad mommy then disgarding her to separate and grow up. Repeat. While I recognize that 0-36 babies with a “ dead mother” selfish, narcissistic, drugs or alcohol etc… can have devastating effects, I don’t buy his theory. I think yours 0-9 makes more sense. The brain grows, others enter, etc… there was an article in the National Graphic on stress and studies on orphans in Romania. The neglect was severe and they had BOTH cognitive problems, brain deficits and lots of mental health disorders but the conclusion was not: they all became narcs. Sam cites to all kinds of psychologists and psychiatric organizations to prove his points. But do they really? Anyone can cite to anything. It would be interesting to see if those published authors agreed with him in the slightest. Also I think he does this and uses unheard of terms to deflect the reader into thinking this man is brilliant, I don’t get it so he must be right. A closer study finds gaps, holes, inconsistencies. A good cross exam would demonstrate that. The thing about you is you cite to no one because you don’t have to cite. You are a leading authority and your work has gathered hundreds of thousands of followers because it rings true.
One question:
1. Did you get input on Baby Reindeer from anyone? Erotomania was something I never heard of. I guessed wrong. I do better at reading the energies. I get that right but I don’t know enough about psychology so I am often wrong.
2. Did you study psychology? If no input, how do you know the various psychological illnesses out there like erotomania?
1. No.
2. I have not studied it formally, but it is necessary for me to understand the mind, thus whilst my expertise is narcissism and psychopathy, I have knowledge about other conditions.
You asked two questions, not one by the way.
Dear HG,
I’m enjoying your Educating HG Series. It’s fun hearing about your antics growing up! I hope you continue the series. Thank you for giving us more stories about you, I appreciate it! Xx
Can music make us whole? Bring together the fractures inside?
Or is it love, sweet love? Or both??
Who are you really?
I wanna see the real YOU.
Teaser “Joker: Folie à Deux”:
HG,
1. Will you do more content on a narcissist’s victim (not a Victim narc) losing empathy, as in your video “watch the narcissist in action : the erosion of empathy”? I’ve been guilty of acting like the guy arguing with the narc lady. It helps to see that others are guilty too, though it’s sad.
2. If one’s lost their empathy to that degree is there a way to get it back, other than giving up on and GOSO-ing with the narc, or are they just stuck like that? Thank you.
1. Probably.
2. It will return after removing yourself from the external stressor.
Hello, HG. Clearly the US and, increasingly, the UK are widely and bitterly divided politically, and echo chambers on social media are obviously a factor in that. Do you think democracy can survive long term in the internet age?
There is a compelling case for the removal of democracy.
Leaving aside the whole complex of Human Rights, here are a few arguments for democracy:
“From 1816 to 1987, democracies won about 76 percent of their wars, while nondemocracies won about 46 percent of their wars. Even more striking, democracies rarely lose when they start wars, winning 93 percent of the time. (…)
Past studies have found that citizens in democracies are healthier than citizens living under tyranny and that democracies suffer lower mortality rates than dictatorships in epidemics.” (Foreign Affairs, May 7, 2020)
I suspect those outcomes are little to do with democracy and more to do with something else.
Will your suspicion secure you a conviction then? “Something else” is a bit vague, would you like to elaborate on what you see as the cause?
No.
Thank you for answering, HG. If the relevant scientists did the thing properly, they should have controlled for any “something elses”. In any case, it’s a whopping margin.
Dear HG,
please allow me to express my gratitude for your service in your professional life. Your passport is different than mine, but I am sure the benefits of your work extend beyond the borders of your own country and her people. Thank you very much for putting yourself in danger so that others do not have to. We do not need to know the details of your work to understand that very few people possess the necessary skill and character for it and fewer still can continue to do it without being impacted to some degree in a negative way. It is almost unfathomable that anyone can carry out such duties without suffering serious psychological damage, but if you can do it and find it interesting as well, it is a fortunate combination. I know you do not do it to be altruistic, but the end result is beneficial for all of us and I am very grateful to you. Please take care and be safe, or as safe as possible to still keep it interesting enough for your tastes.
You are welcome.
HG I have loved your cluehunters forum and knowing HG. I became obsessed! I spent two days reading about 4000 messages then went to work. It was illuminating to see narcissism develop and family relations. And an insight to your mind. I made discoveries, some have been published…and the investigation itself educated me. All bloggers! It’s a must to read and join! Oddly it reminded me of the test I took to join a cold case group. I did well. No time to join but if I am right with your mysteries, maybe I should reconsider. I know a couple I got it down. But not all am I so certain. I loved participating. Thanks! And wow Jordyguin, Mery, Who Cares, FIT, Narc Angel and others… some of their analogies were Sherlock Holmes worthy. I am very very late to the game but I don’t think you HG pulled back the curtain to the answers! But it was exhilarating! What is weird to s I see things different from many while admiring their take. It’s the same with the 100k interviews ( I live Sammy!) as almost all were so nervous to consult with you. For me it was like anticipating going to a planetarium! I knew I would discover something awesome and I did. I was not nervous but waited with baited breath. BUT oddly when you first connected it felt like standing in the arctic circle with a freezing wind blowing at me. That was my contagion feel. Just like the cold of my dream about my best friends death… then your voice reached out and warmed the room like it was a fire in a hearth. Wise and comforting. I always seem the be different. See things different. No idea why any more than my dreams. If you’re got big clues right maybe that’s not a bad thing. 4 days built on the magic ant work of others. But I think the thing that hit me hardest was the loss of your sister and what that meant in various aspects and long affirmed aspects of you. There are no words. It’s too deep and profound. The word tragic doesn’t cover it. I just cannot fathom the experience but my sorrow resonates for you… and her.
I have read with interest your responses and it is clear that you immersed yourself in the process.
Yes but I missed the ship. The party was over when I arrived. The house empty But H.G., thanks, many many thanks it was wonderful and educational! I loved it. I am just a few years late:)
Will you be doing more videos on your psychopathy section?
Will there be some more blogs about the difference between sociopathy, psychopathy and narcissism? Also how they are intertwined?
Yes.
That will be material that will appear in the Knowledge Vault.
What kind of art work do you collect? Any particular type? Artist?
Landscapes mainly. I do not have a preferred artist.
HG, when you collect your art, what are some of your major considerations? In other words, is your taste based mostly on things such as aesthetics, skill of the artist, market value, or the potential to use the art for manipulation? Have you ever purchased art to control someone? Thank you.
Excellent! Looking forward to it!
I would add sadism, sexual sadists, pedophiles, Machiavellism and “ dark triad” if you use that term. For example Ted Bundy is said to be a sexual sadist, psychopath and narcissist. But what type of narcissist? So much overlap it seems…
How well do I need to know a person to answer questions in your Narc Detector?
Well enough to be able to answer questions about them.
Hi Hg , what’s the youngest sex worker you have employed? Do you have any issues with using young people like this, given your obvious advancing age? Silly question?
Everybody is of advancing age, so your attempt at a sleight falls flat.
I do not employ sex workers.
Yolande
I was taken aback by your question and curious to know why you would believe that HG would need to employ the use of a sex worker?
I found the question to be extremely offensive and insulting for these reasons:
1. In my present job and a previous one I have come into contact with children who have been abused and specifically sexually abused. The impact that this type of abuse has on a child is devastating.
2. Human trafficking is a serious issue, it is the use of humans for the purpose of sexual slavery or commercial sexual exploitation, many ending up in places like you suggest is used by HG.
3. HG has been open and honest regarding his sexual abuse as a child, in order to assist us with our learning about narcissism.
4. We are all aware of the claims made against Prince Andrew, and the abhorrent feelings towards him by the public.
I am sure that I have seen you during premieres on HG’s YouTube channel, therefore you will be quite aware that he has many females who swoon over him.
He is charismatic, has a great sense of humour, intelligent, well groomed and smells delicious, has an incredible body and I am sure regardless of his age he is extremely good looking, why would HG need to pay?
HG, I think your response to this comment was extremely professional and polite.
Sending you love HG ❤️❤️❤️
Carole,
Thank you for replying to Yolande. There was no reply button for to do so and I had a lot to say about it, so thank you.
I was disgusted by Yoloande’s post. To insinuate that someone hires sex workers on anyone’s blog is bold and crass.
I’m grateful my anger has dissipated because I might not have been as kind in my reply.
I
@Carole
“…and curious to know why you would believe that HG would need to employ the use of a sex worker? I found the question to be extremely offensive and insulting…“
a) because HG is a fascinating man, b) because he doesn’t discriminate, sex workers are victims too, c) search for the article „Whore“ (I don’t remember which year exactly, it was the one from either 2021 or 2022) and read HG’s response why, a sex worker. The answer was very interesting.
Hello Mr Tudor.
Would you please consider to share of your knowledge on the following case? I’m wondering how he is most likely to behave going forward, so I can stay one step ahead.
I found evidence that my (now ex) fiancé have been filming my children in secret. And after that shock, understanding of what he is started to unravel, including what our relationship was truly like. Long story, as I cannot make it short;
I pressed charges, he was arrested, admitted to just enough to seem like he wanted to cooperate, but of course also to get reduced sentence. And not even close to everything, there is plenty of hard evidence for things he is denying. Turns out, he’s been doing this for at least 3 years. Probably longer.
So not only a narcissist, but also a child molestor. He thought he outsmarted me and had full control over me, but he did not, as I had already provided police with evidence he thought he had deleted in time (when he started to suspect me of knowing). He is the type of narcissist that has a huge network, and has a foot in “everywhere”. Typical of how they describe covert and communal narcissists, just combined. Everyone used to think he’s super nice, always helpful, super empathic and would never do harm….
Of course, he is none of those things, though he might think he is. What he is, is the very subtle kind. I’m not sure if you would classify him as greater or mid-range. Maybe in between, based on what I’ve read so far. But he loves playing the victim, when he is not the great hero and protector of all, and is of course doing this now too. He is, or at least was before this massive injury to him, a master manipulator. But now most people want nothing to do with him, so only his disciples (some empaths he has been using for years, his parents and some lesser narcissists) will listen to his rather ridiculous lies, twisted words and events, and half truths. So his smear campaign isn’t exactly super effective.
He’s of course pretending to not be using social media (highly unlikely, as he is addicted to it), and is giving me the silent treatment. He made contact yesterday, but only because he had to, to prevent further legal injury to himself. Now I am the one ignoring him.
I want to strip him of everything that gives him fuel and destroy him in court. He used to tell me I was the strongest woman he ever met, and how impressed he was that I never gave up, no matter what. Built his own funeral pyre by choosing me, but he couldn’t resist using my victories and strength as fuel, by displaying me to everyone like a trophy. I may be an empath, but I’ve been to hell and back more than once, and he crossed the final line. No one abuses my children and gets away with it.
Any and all advice, insight or thoughts would be highly appreciated, as you are probably the only one who might have an understanding of what to expect from him. Though I do understand it’s an intricate question, and a detailed story, and that you may not have the time for a very thorough answer.
Thank you for sharing your insights into the narcissistic mind. It has been a great resource so far.
Best regards,
Lioness
This is a matter which should be addressed through consultation given the need for the provision of more information and also by virtue of the responses I would need to provide to you.
Is there a type of narcissist who is only pleasant in person but acts cold when apart, taking ages to answer messages?
Many different narcissists can behave this way, I recommend you use the narc detector https://narcsite.com/narc-detector-2/ to gain clarity and understanding.
1. What is the most valuable advice you have ever received?
Never take other people’s advice.
Well HG, I am taking yours. I purchased the addiction to a narcissist from the Knowledge Vault and it was eye opening. I come from a long line of empaths. My father and his side are chock full of them. I have written about my beautiful kind Aunts. Kindness is their very DNA. On my mother’s side it’s a mix but there were many and some founders of the Salvation Army. Very involved. My romantic history had a list of empaths and normals ( not long as I have had long relations) but I married a narc. He did not feel like home. He was utterly shocking. I never heard or understood what a silent treatment was. In fact when he first did it, I thought something physically had happened to him. Violence was not known in my family. There had been shouts, criticisms etc… but normal not complete drama. I have secure attachment style. My results were very high, I know this isn’t a field you follow in your works. It was like entering a new realm meeting my husband. Then you came in and made sense of it. This freed me from him except for my overall need to hope he is ok and wish things could end on a positive or a friendship ( but I make no effort to make it happen.) I have recognized one other in a friend where I realized I have always undertaken the role of healer without reciprocity. I don’t mind giving for the sake of giving but being valued or loved is another thing. You answered two things that bothered me. One: if my childhood did not involve narcs why pick one. Two : can I change myself fundamentally, where does this come from. In understanding the whys, I can move forward with understanding. By better understanding my nature, I can apply myself better. Narcs are not worth the effort BUT I am pleased that my traits don’t need to go anywhere except to better sources and there are plenty: personally, professionally and all around. Thanks HG!
You are welcome.
Dear HG,
When William becomes King, do you think he’ll take away TOW’s title? Xx
I believe he will put in place the machinery for that to happen.
Thank you HG for your reply and time xx
Dear HG,
I think William is levelheaded and he sees TOW’s manipulations. I wonder if you’re giving him advice about TOW and he doesn’t know the person giving the advice is you. I know you won’t confirm it, but it’s a thought. Xx
Also HG I would love to see you expand your store. I would buy some of your cool imagery. Great pics! And why not a scent line? Who wouldn’t want to buy Narc Repellent? It could be black currant based scented. No Contact?Fresh ? Contagian? Earthy scents ? Super Empath? Sort of a Gucci pepper scent. Savior? Magnolia Martyr? Rose… Even banana with a coconut scent for the beach. Not sure about the Chicken. I know you’re busy but you are unique with merchandising.
Narc Repellant spray for the evenings out to attract only real relationships. Unisex? Please consider!!!!!
😉
Hi Contagious,
I asked HG to consider adding some of his thumbnail graphics to t -shirts in the shop, or make them available to print. I’m hoping HG will expand the shop too. Xx
Mr. Tudor–
You mentioned in the KateGate Live from Sunday that you had been injured and were in the hospital for a week and that there was a risk of permanent disability.
1. If you did take an injury that caused permanent disability, what would your emotional experience be? Loss for yourself? Threat to control? Fury?
2. Would you expect the experience to differ dependent upon the circumstances of how you acquired that disability? Injured in the carrying out of your professional work vs injured in a car accident on vacation?
3. Would you push for full recovery, even if your medical team thought the chances of full recovery were quite low?
4. Did your doctors/nurses mention any observations about the way you took the news of the injury and made decisions being unusual? Did they seem to appreciate it?
Narcs in general:
5. How does the experience of permanent disability taken by injury impact an unaware narcissist differ from that of an aware narcissist, if at all?
6. Would the experience differ for a narcissist with a job like a firefighter/police officer, knowing the risks?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated!
1. It would be a threat to control resulting in annoyance, but it would not last as annoyance would ultimately hinder an appropriate and effective response.
2. Yes.
3. Naturally.
4. No, they are too busy to be bothered about such things.
5. Too detailed to state in a comment.
6. This would have an impact on the response.
Thank you so much, sir!
1. Would any self-aware narcissist be able to adjust better to permanent injury because they know that being a jerk in the long term will result in greater disruption to them? A person can only be horrible so long with that kind of excuse before most people will speak up or walk away and not look back.
2. Were the injury sustained in a driving accident where a NISS was driving you, and they were not injured/made a full recovery, would that have an impact on your relationship with that NISS in the long term?
3. Would the answer to number 2 be impacted by the fault of the NISS driving you? e.g. The car was hit by a drunk driver or someone driving unsafely where the fault is that of the other driver, not your NISS.
4. How do you feel about visitors while you are in the hospital? Does it bother you for non-medical professionals to see you in an injured and vulnerable state or is it all good fuel?
5. During recovery, do you follow all the recommendations of the doctor/physical therapist to the letter? Or do you push yourself beyond (slightly) what they ask? I’ve seen individuals who repeatedly pushed harder till they delayed their recovery or needed more surgeries.
You’ve said repeatedly that your actions have had major impact, though your real name is only well-known within specific circles. You’ve repeated that you know you’re HG Tudor, and it doesn’t matter if the person beside you on the train who is reading an HG Tudor book knows that you’re there. Your legacy is about you knowing as opposed to anyone else connecting all the dots.
6. If you were injured (severely enough to believe it could be permanent) in the course of actions that changed the world, and only you and a select few were aware, but it was world wide news for some time…what effect would news coverage have on you during recovery?
7. How would media coverage (if only local) impact in the situation of permanent injury on the unaware and relatively unknown narcissist? A narcissist injured saving a baby from a burning building by jumping from a window just before it was engulfed in flames. Their reach is suddenly and temporarily magnified.
You’ve mentioned that the fuel potency of a recording of a person’s emotional response diminishes in listening to it repeatedly.
8. Is fuel from media magnification muted if not experienced in real time or is it just as heady the first time? e.g. A narcissist ends up in a coma for heroic actions and by the time they wake up…the hullabaloo has died down. But they learn about how they were national news for a while.
9. Does the answer to 8 vary based on the awareness of the narcissist?
I think it would be interesting to learn more about the ways in which dealing with permanent injury differ between the aware and unaware narcissist. Also how those in service jobs (first responders) differ from the rest. If there is a popular or well-known fictional character or a news story…it would no doubt be riveting with your additional commentary.
Apologies if this is a partial double submission. (Computer trouble, and I don’t remember sending this one.)
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciation.
Mr. Tudor,
Did you have a reaction to the news of the cancer diagnosis of Catherine, The Princess of Wales? If so, can you share your reaction with us? Since she’s an empath, did that have any bearing on your reaction? Would your reaction be different if she was a narcissist?
Thank you for your time.
Yes, my reaction was there are videos which need to be made about this topic.
Mr. Tudor,
Please allow me to clarify my questions. I meant to ask the following:
Did you have an emotional reaction when learning of Princess Kate’s cancer diagnosis? If so, would you share your emotional reaction with us.
Would your emotional reaction be different if the person diagnosed with cancer was a narcissist? This question came up because your video about King Charles’ cancer diagnosis was informative and matter of fact. I had wondered if if would be different for Princess Kate.
Whenever you speak of Kate, you do it with fondness and appreciation. At least that’s my interpretation. Its very similar to how you spoke about Doug and Queen Elizabeth when you did their tributes. You’ve said that Doug’s death irritated you. I had wondered if you felt a similar reaction to Princess Kate’s cancer diagnosis.
1. No, I did not.
2. No, it would not.
3. It did not irritate me. I recognise that speaking about Catherine in a warmer tone finds favour with viewers which is advantageous to me.
Thank you for your response, Mr. Tudor.
These videos re: Catherine TPOW are anticipated. I will look forward to those.
Hi Leigh,
Your question to HG is an interesting one. Since I have recently been in a situation where a close family member was diagnosed with cancer, I would like to add my own perspective.
My family member – whom I love – is a narcissist, a Middle-Mid Range A (overwhelming angel) as confirmed by HG’s Narc Detector. With regard to explaining the situation, I trust HG will allow me to provide the results of the Narc Detector.
When I first learned the news of my family member’s diagnosis, I was shocked, concerned and very saddened. This initial reaction was instant and genuine. It was not dependent on whether or not my family member is a narcissist. Simply put, I did not want them to have this diagnosis and was concerned for their wellbeing.
On a side-note, when I heard the news about Catherine, Princess of Wales, and her cancer diagnosis, I felt a similar sadness and concern. For Catherine, it wasn’t as deep or ‘real’ in the sense of it being so close to me. I don’t know Catherine, so I can only imagine what she and her family are going through. As I do not know her, it’s a more distant, less visceral feeling of sadness. However, I still feel moved to do something about my sadness for Catherine and that is to stop reading all the news about her in order to give her the space and privacy she has requested.
With my family member, I also had (and have) secondary emotional reactions, which were like a second layer of emotions – not as deep or constant as the sadness and concern. These secondary emotions were annoyance and anger due to knowing that I needed to navigate the situation in a careful and strategic way because they are a narcissist. I need to be aware of my instinctive reactions all the time, *while also* providing support and showing that I care. In short, it’s a case of walking on eggshells. It’s emotionally taxing and frustrating, so I knew (and know) that this situation is going to be very difficult to navigate.
As a comparison because I don’t know her, with the sadness for Catherine, she is an empath so there is no need for me to be aware of and to moderate my instinctive sadness and emotional reactions. I can feel my initial primary reactions without the secondary frustration of feeling that I need to be careful or strategic.
As it turned out with my family member, I was supportive because I wanted to be and to me it felt very much like the ‘right’ thing to do. I made sure I wouldn’t be busy during the period of time when they underwent treatment; I cooked some nutritious meals for them; I bought or gave them certain items they may need; and I attended medical appointments with them to hear the information explained by doctors and to ask questions of the doctors that would assist my family member in knowing more about all the details of the treatment, etc.
Doing these things was not a burden to me and I was happy to do them. At the same time, I felt the manipulations, triangulation and subtle contempt from this family member at certain points in the process. I also felt their need for fuel too. I knew that it was easier for them in some respects for me to be there with them. It’s a catch-22. I still care about my family member even though I know I am going to be manipulated.
Now, in hindsight, I can see that I am an appliance. My own needs do not matter. I am needed and used at particular times for particular purposes and during those times, I may be painted white to keep me on side. When not needed in the way they want, I may be painted black, probably because my family member needs to downplay my actions and devalue me.
I still love my family member and I definitely don’t want them to be going through cancer.
One thing it has taught me is that narcissism doesn’t change even with a life threatening illness.
WN,
I’m very sorry to hear about your family member’s cancer diagnosis. I understand your need to be supportive and helpful. I hope they’ll be ok.
Thank you, Leigh, your kindness is appreciated.
When a close family member is a narcissist – and this is something you also know well – I find that I am constantly debating in my own mind what my actions should be and what would be most appropriate.
Relatively speaking, it’s easy to say appropriate things after something has already happened to someone. For instance, when a tragic situation occurs, people send messages of ‘thoughts and prayers’ and say things like, “You’re in my thoughts,” etc.
When it’s a close family member who needs help and the person is a narcissist; or a situation that will get worse if some kind of action is not taken; it’s a case of taking the bull by the horns and making a decision about what to do. I find that whatever my decision, it will not be my most preferred way. It’s a case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Or, a case of walking on eggshells.
After years of having these kinds of debates in my head, I think the most beneficial thing is to nip something in the bud before it can get worse. In other words, tackle problems while they are still manageable and while something can still be done to resolve them. Do what is possible to eliminate bigger problems.
When it comes to cancer, I think it’s important to be vigilant and aware. Go and get tested as soon as possible if you think something is not right. If there are health tests available, don’t hesitate and get tested.
HI WN,
I’ve learned that those debates we have in our head are often our addiction conning us to think about the narcissist. I know it can be difficult when they’re sick or ailed. Our compassion will want us to help. Its still a battle for me for certain familial narcissists. I agree though, that the most beneficial thing to do is to nip it in the bud. I have to shut that debate off in my head because I don’t want the narcissist renting space in my brain. I think I’m experiencing empathy fatigue because even when the narcissists in question are sick, I don’t want to help or even interact with them at all. If I do decide to help, I do it begrudgingly and its very limited.
“Now, in hindsight, I can see that I am an appliance. My own needs do not matter. I am needed and used at particular times for particular purposes and during those times, I may be painted white to keep me on side. When not needed in the way they want, I may be painted black, probably because my family member needs to downplay my actions and devalue me.”
Not sure my dad’s a narc and he hasn’t had cancer, but I’ve gone through this w/his overall dysfunction (getting more physical now, as he refuses to care for his health, so I won’t leave) I understand being seen (even subconsciously) as an appliance. You care about the family member (not sure I care, but I feel FOG – fear obligation guilt) but they really don’t care about you.
“One thing it has taught me is that narcissism doesn’t change even with a life threatening illness.” Yup.
It’s probably hard for us to believe just how little this news would affect him. It could seem like he might be interested because 1) he’s British and many Brits feel some pride in their Royal family 2) he talks about members of the RF in his YT videos and 3) speaks favourably about Kate in those videos.
But his response highlights that he has seen her public statement and diagnosis as little more than an opportunity to be utilised. He does not (he likely cannot) care beyond that.
Hi AA,
I agree that Mr. Tudor doesn’t care about her diagnosis the way you or I would care. Mr. Tudor does feel emotions though. I think it was KIt Kat who posted a list of emotions on one of the “I Second that Emotion” articles. Mr. Tudor responded yes or no to each emotion.
I realized I wasn’t clear in my original question so I reframed it and asked it again. One thing I was wondering was if it irritated him in a similar way that Doug’s death irritated him.
Leigh,
I believe HG feels negative emotions. Apathy, rage,
irritation and such.
The only emotions all narcissists have.
Hi Sonya,
I know Mr. Tudor has more negative emotions then positive emotions. But I think he has some positive emotions in there as well. I know he feels power and amusement. I think I would classify those as positive. Although, he probably feels powerful and amused even when he’s being malignant so is it really a positive reaction then? I don’t know. Probably not though.
HI AA,
I found the list of emotions and it was actually you who asked them You and KitKat have gravatars that are similar in color and I think that’s how I confused the two of you. Here’s the list, I think its worth resharing.
https://narcsite.com/2022/03/17/i-second-that-emotion-17/#comment-434743
Annamel:
Hi! I have found H.G. to be very patriotic! People can criticize their leaders etc… and be very patriotic. HG is very British. I lived in England, studied there, had a British boyfriend for 2 years, have a British husband for 11 years, been there dozens of times, all over so I have a good inkling on the culture. HG’s superbwhit, his humor, his cultural nature, his love of certain hobbies like of course football etc… very British. . I have often felt he chose MM not just because she is an easy narc to educate others and many dislike her so she is “ popular” which gives a high readership but for the scandals she brought its institution, the Royal family. And know Brits who want to abolish it, H.G. is not one. I think his grandiosity extends to his mother country and he dislike this interloper inferior MM. I think H.G. is a patriot. I read one of his IPSS had an interest in England and their colonies. Some English would say they are unfairly judged on their past and they did many good things for their colonies. America was founded by Brits for example and our constitution and laws etc… took from the mother country among other things ( not the right to bear arms, that’s totally American;) I bet H.G. would agree. I think H.G. is patriotic. Not sure that’s an emotion….
Mr. Tudor–
In the recent, amazing Yellowstone series, you assessed Beth Dutton as an Upper Lesser Type B for her narcissism. You also assessed her as being a psychopath.
1. Are there narcissistic psychopaths unaware of their narcissism but aware of their psychopathy?
2. Are there narcissistic psychopaths aware of their narcissism but unaware of their psychopathy?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciation.
1. No.
2. No.
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated!
Sir, re “The Prison Boss Narcissist” and “It Couldn’t Happen Here – The Power of the Narcissist’s Facade”, I watched the documentary after your analysis, would Richard Spencer be an example of a majority Martyr empath and the decision of recording the abuse be seen as having faced the ’cliff-situation’ where he was pushed over the ’cliff’? His empathy towards his wife basically never eroded and he even thought to delete the recordings, but as a result of his actions she faced the consequences of big nature, which I think would fall into the Supernova character, in terms of the consequences but not how it was executed on his part, because it was a silent taking of the abuse, yet he remained cataloging it. And it still wasn’t him, who exposed her. If not for others, he probably would have remained recording without going to police. In terms of his majority school I’m indecisive between Standard and Codependent.
1. Cliff fightback.
2. Yes he would exhibit very strong or majority Martyr.
3. Likely majority standard with strong codependent.
Thank you, sir! The influence of a very strong/majority Martyr, in some of the examples of the abuse he was willing to take, and yet still continued to excuse her/remain with her, is shocking. The follow up video “10 Reasons Why the Victim Maintains the Narcissist’s Facade” explained why. Thank you!!
Hi Jordyguin:
I worked on domestic violence cases. Betty Broderick was in jail in my county while I worked at the DA. She murdered her husband and lover when he left her then raised the defense that he emotionally abused her.( ie criticized her weight gain and left her for the young secretary) She said she had “ Battered wife syndrome. “ he was a well known and respected rich doctor and lawyer in San Diego. Betty lost but it raised the issue of domestic violence and all its forms. Meredith Baxter played her in a TV film. Its not just about being a certain type. I guess if Richard felt a sense of duty to his wife or children ( although leaving would be best for them), he might have been a martyr but people stay because:
1. They die if they leave and they fear it. individuals may fear further harm or retaliation if they attempt to leave the abusive relationship. Fear of physical violence, emotional manipulation, or threats may keep them trapped in the cycle of abuse.
2. Abusers often isolate their victims from friends, family, and support networks, making it difficult for the abused individual to seek help or escape the abusive situation. This sense of isolation can contribute to feelings of helplessness , not a duty bound ideal.
3. In some cases, financial dependence on the abuser can pose a significant barrier to leaving the relationship. The lack of financial resources or economic stability may limit the abused individual’s ability to break free from the abusive environment. Not sure what Richard did for money or if he had any.???
4. Low self esteem caused by prolonged abuse. The person loses his or her sense of self worth. And it can be rebuilt when leaving it.
4. Cultural norms, social stigma, or religious beliefs may discourage individuals from leaving an abusive relationship. Societal attitudes and expectations can influence how individuals perceive their options and their ability to seek help. This is where “ Richard is lucky” as in other cultures particularly for women they are property of the man to do what he wants with… so sad.
5. : The intense emotional experiences in an abusive relationship can create a bond between the abuser and the victim, known as “trauma bonding.” Again they are mentally damaged by the abuse. Their mind is injured. They don’t think clearly on both a cognitive and emotional level.
5. Lack of support. I met a woman at the dog park who said she heard I was a lawyer. She started shaking and crying because she had no family, parents were dead, no siblings and no children. She said her husband had cut her off. No money. She didn’t have money to eat or get a lawyer. I gave her money for food and explained she could get free shelter and food and a free lawyer. She had no idea about a free lawyer. I said financial abuse is domestic violence in California although ususally there are other forms of abuse. She said he never physically abused her but told stories of emotional and financial abuse. She had been married for 22 years and wanted out but felt she couldn’t afford a lawyer to do so. I gave her all the numbers to assist. She was so excited! She told me she finally had hope. “ a free lawyer” for the divorce. Wow she didn’t know they existed.
I wrote a legal thriller at 28 ( went nowhere) and one part involved a woman who was a victim of domestic violence. In it, the lawyer told her she would NEVER ask why she didn’t leave. I know you never asked this question Jordyguin….but it angers me to the core when people do or make assumptions something is wrong with the victim for staying. It’s a complex issue and I have seen it in every race, religion, socioeconomic class and sex and even gender identity. It’s so awful. I hate and deplore it. I think the focus should be why did that animal think he could treat another human this way. The victim of DV needs safety, support and laws to protect them. Did you know sexual assault was not considered a war crime to be addressed until 2008. . As of 2019, the UN is still working on regulations to hold perpetrators accountable during war conflict. So much to be done…. I once was in a trial of the death of a little boy who was locked in a refrigerator by his stepfather. The biological father had tried and tried to get custody and warned he was at risk due to the DV both parents engaged in. When the potential jurors were questioned, I was horrified at the hands raised when asked if they experienced childhood abuse, domestic violence and/or … rape. I was sickened to see how prevalent the issue is in Southern California . Outside the DA office which obviously has a skewed sample. And the jurers were randomly picked from every background. I personally think the sentences are too light … angers me.
And don’t get me started on pedophlia. The laws are a joke.
Here’s what ChatGPT says
Yes, mentally healthy individuals can become victims of domestic violence. Domestic violence can affect anyone, regardless of their mental health status. Here are some important points to consider:
1. **Impact of Domestic Violence**: Domestic violence can have a profound and lasting impact on the mental health and well-being of victims. The trauma, fear, and stress caused by domestic violence can lead to various mental health challenges, such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and low self-esteem.
2. **Complex Dynamics**: Domestic violence is characterized by complex power dynamics and manipulative behaviors that can affect individuals regardless of their mental health status. Perpetrators of domestic violence may use tactics such as gaslighting, isolation, and emotional abuse to exert control over their partners or family members.
3. **Vulnerability Factors**: While pre-existing mental health conditions can potentially exacerbate the effects of domestic violence, they do not determine whether someone will become a victim of abuse. Factors such as lack of social support, financial dependence on the abuser, cultural norms, and societal attitudes towards violence can also contribute to a person’s vulnerability to domestic violence.
4. **Barriers to Seeking Help**: Survivors of domestic violence, including those who are mentally healthy, may face barriers to seeking help and leaving abusive situations. These barriers can include fear of retaliation, social stigma, financial constraints, and limited access to support services.
5. **Intersectionality**: It is important to recognize that individuals experience domestic violence within the context of their intersecting identities, which can include factors such as race, gender, sexual orientation, disability, and socioeconomic status. Intersectionality influences how domestic violence is experienced and the barriers individuals face in accessing support and resources.
6. **Support and Resources**: It is vital for individuals who are experiencing domestic violence, including those who are mentally healthy, to seek support from trusted individuals, domestic violence hotlines, counseling services, shelters, and legal resources. Supportive interventions can help survivors regain a sense of safety and empowerment.
7. **Prevention and Education**: Addressing domestic violence requires a comprehensive approach that includes prevention efforts, education on healthy relationships, bystander intervention, and legal protections for survivors. By challenging attitudes that condone or minimize domestic violence, society can create a safer environment for all individuals.
In conclusion, domestic violence can impact individuals from all backgrounds and mental health statuses. Recognizing the signs of domestic violence, supporting survivors, and advocating for prevention strategies are essential steps in addressing this pervasive issue and promoting safety, dignity, and well-being for all individuals.
Like murder, rape, theft, DV is a crime that can happen to anyone. It’s an ugly vicious crime and in my opinion, the perpetrators need to be removed from society for a very long time.
4 years is a SICK joke. It demonstrates how ignorant people are about the issue. UGH!
I’ve engineered a couple of prompts for relationships. It writes decent break-up letters. Gives my emotionalism a break.
Another crime that inflicts people and is DV is stalking, I met a famous star from criminal mind who told me about her ex stalking her and its effects. She couldn’t eat, sleep, and was seeing a therapist. There was no recognizable DV when together but she left him and he would not let go. He was clever with injunctions but my friends father was assisting her as a celebrity attorney. Stalking is considered DM in California in and of itself. It is terrifying and does much mental damage. I was pleased H.G. did a series on it. The damage the perpetrators of DV is immense. Life long. We need to lock them up for a long time. 4 years is a joke especially with early release laws in California. I am not shocked but saddened. Perhaps HG work can help prevent engagement with these types but once it starts…support is needed as it’s very complex. If laws were stricter I think there would be a deterrent. Ever notice how quickly an unaware narc gains composure when a cop is called. We see it in H.G. videos. It’s insidious and more police officer training is needed too.
Hi jordyguin:
I consulted with HG and I finally understand the martyr cadre. The label threw me. You can be a martyr in every sense of the word. And throw yourself at good people and causes and ideals, but HG explained it’s when you do this for a narcissist, that’s his definition. Total waste of time. You self sacrifice for nothing. You only harm yourself. I was slow at understanding unlike you and others…
Jordyguin go to cluehinters and get the others NA, Mercy and FTC;) I made a big discovery;)
Hello H.G.:
I have questions about the movie Alfred Hitchcocks Psycho. It involves a narc mother and a DID son who must have parts that are psychopathic or narcissistic or both given Norman’s voyeurism and killings. It was based on real life Ed Gein and his controlling abusive and isolating mother.
1. You said a parent -child as IPSS is rarer. They were isolated. Low fuel yet not greaters. How is it they live on low fuel? Is that why the DID or psychosis? Ed Gein not necessarily Norman. BUT this happens in real life and we all know with abusers isolation is a factor. In the movie, Norman’s secluded existence at the Bates Motel reflects his disconnectedness from the world and his own psyche. Psychosis.
. 1. Do narcs with low fuel or when decomposed slip into psychosis. I.e. no defense…they meet the creature with no defense. Go mad?
2. Also there is Voyeurism. Is this a sign of narcissism? it does not respect boundaries.
3. Finally the mother dies and Norman gets worse. Kills people. If the IPSS is a parent and there is great isolation ( tertiary sources being tv, substances or the postman for example) when the IPSS parent dies can this cause the narcissism to become worse or malevenant like with Ed Gein or the movie? Why? Is it the fuel source is gone?
4. Was Alfred Hitchcock a narcissist? He mistreated Janet Leigh…
Thanks!
I think many narc parents are threatened by the independence and autonomy of their child. They use a wide range of tactics to make the child see them as their world. Isolation is one. They have trouble in sustaining any healthy relationship so the parent hijack s their child for fuel who has no choice. This theme is in many of your videos … the movie psycho is an extreme as is Ed Gein. Perhaps. But I would love an analysis. Maybe someday?
HG, did you opt for majority Standard because had he had majority CoD he would have found it harder to sever ties with his wife and we likely would not know about this story?
Correct.
Jordy,
I love your analysis thought process and how you addressed his type of empath. I found it difficult to understand his lack of emotional erosion after all he suffered, and you nailed it!
I hope I will get to a point of figuring out schools and cadres like you have.
Thank you for your post and questions to HG, I am going to go back and listen to them again.
Sonya, hi! I’m certain if you continue to immerse yourself in HG’s work that you’ll begin to see the indicators for the different schools and cadres. I also do it as HG teaches in all of the analyses he undertakes – determining what classification, school, cadre a person is rather/definitely not and what is left fits more likely.
Hi Jordyguin:
Richard had to give legal consent to the film and it was his recordings. He made them. He had to consent to the release legally. It was brave of him to self sacrifice his experience and highlight to the world that men can be abused too. As a matyr cadre , I could never put up with that abuse. I had a husband slap me once drunk and I demanded he quit drinking and go to DV anger management classes if he ever wanted to see me again and kicked him out. He did. He remains sober. He took 6 months of classes. It never happened again and I recorded it with the threat of civil and criminal prosecution. Perhaps there are different matyrs or I don’t understand my cadre. I get carrier completely. I think of matyrs when I look at my Aunts with large families. H.G. says it’s a family thing and I can see my awe of them as role models left an impression. They self sacrificed, were charitable, they never complained, never gossiped, never criticized, were kind traditional women devoted to their families who didn’t wear make up, went to church and were devout to the core but never preached, were kind loving and compassionate with a sparkle in their eye. They didn’t travel, they didn’t care about material things but when they got old there was so much love around them. They inspired me. And I have written about classical matyrs who would die for their country, religion, ideals and beliefs ( where the name came from was based on religious prosecution and those who would die then denounce). So H.G.: are you saying he is a matyr because he stayed in an abusive relationship or because he exposed her and helped promote awareness of male abuse? Your only video on the topic is about kind, self sacrificing, duty bound people who are silent about their actions. They are ruled by duty which is an ideal. They also can hurt themselves when pursuing this duty. All this fits with the classical type. ( Death is harm;) BUT. I don’t see how being in an abusive marriage correlates. I do see how exposing your personal life is a sacrifice to further a cause. ???? Other than Jim Carviezel who HG stated was a matyr during his filming and willing to go on despite severe physical injuries due to his Faith in Christ, I don’t see many matyrs discussed in HG’s work. H.G. Is it a small percent? You say contagions are a rarer group in class but you don’t discuss rarity in cadres or I missed it. Could you point me in that direction?
Also HG any chance you could do a video on classical matyrs and how that fits in the matyr group. I feel I am on the lower echelon of them. Hanging by a hem. They are my heroes. Jesus, Martin Luther King, Harriett Tubman, Mathsa Gandi and others who gave their lives to change the world. The unsung heroes and soldiers too…Mother Theresa was on your list of maybes but there’s controversy. I think she is one but maybe I don’t get it. If my Aunts and the famous are even in the same category it must be a broad one? Rare?
Then you add in those annoying people called mature who do something just to whine about it and seek pity.
Jordyguin: thank you!
Contagious, hi! I read about your martyr-list you also commented elsewhere; those you named classical martyrs, but I don’t understand on what basis have you decided that they are Martyr empaths? You know what I mean? To determine what each person’s classification is, you’d need to analyse a lot of material on them. Especially the historical ones…Jeanne D’Arc for instance you’d need to read all the trial documents, what did she say, how would she contradict herself and so on. Yes, the church proclaimed her a saint but she may also have been a narcissist… Same with the famous historical figures and heroes. We cannot know until we examine them in the way HG teaches us, to put the sources under critical analyses and go to the evidence.
Regarding Richard Spencer.
I find the video on the Martyr empath is very clear and precise about what a Martyr empath is, so I’m wondering why you don’t find the explanation in it for how R. Spencer exhibits a very strong or majority Martyr. Perhaps you would need to listen to it a couple more times for it to sink in.
Hi Jordyguin:
I stand on thin ice perhaps but I am not exactly challenging the martyr cadre but more about any inference that could be made that he somehow permitted the abuse in any sense or contributed to it….very dangerous and a myth. I worked in domestic violence at the DA and I used to volunteer for DV organizations. Responding to HG YouTube, several women and I think a man responded the same as me. It is dangerously close to saying “ why didn’t he leave? “ “ why didn’t she leave?” These readers basically vomited at the thought. The myth of the long suffering spouse is a dangerous one. It makes the victim somehow complicit in the abuse. A character trait. It is a complex subject and I was trained on it at the DA office. Victims can be perfectly mentally healthy ( and many don’t know this) but fall prey to these types of animals. As Richard so generously showed by publically sharing his horror, it affects all types: race, sex, gender, class. But as I wrote, people don’t realize that the victim can suffer PTSD just like a war victim, they can fear being killed if they leave. Richard was afraid to leave as she put a knife to his throat and threatened to kill him if he did. He probably suffers PTSD. I would bet on it. They find themselves with no financial ability to leave. Richard said he had no money to leave. They are isolated often by the abuser and have no support. Richard said he was isolated. They fear the well being of their children. Will she kill or harm them? Richard feared for the safety of the children . Why wouldn’t he? She was a monster. Plus she told him that she would lie to the courts and he would lose them to this sick twisted no empathy cruel mother. How frightening?! Richard probably was unaware like so many out there of all the organizations out there that could help. There is a number 55 in the UK. There are places where you can go, their are free lawyers and mental health organizations. There are places that donate food, and clothing to DV victims and their children. I know the groups here and have helped women. I used to donate time to the OC DV organization. I went to groups to tell them about the free resources. It’s complex. If you are so mentally altered like PTSD, you aren’t thinking straight. It’s not just PTSD, your mind is altered. There are scientific studies on it. It’s like being a war victim. It alters you. I will dare to say that any normal, narc, empath that finds themselves in this life fearing mind altering horrific situation is not the same person who entered the relationship… at all. The focus needs to be on that animal. And only her/him. The best question asked is WHY did she only go away for 4 years? Why did the legal system fail her? Do you know it takes 2.5 years in the UK to get a rape conviction? I read it today in the New Yorker! I am not picking on the UK, domestic violence is insidious and invasive in every society and most fail them. I guess I don’t care what cadre Richard was…I don’t see any contribution for what she put him through which was torture. I do care what she was and to me… unredeemable as a malignant narcissist. She needs to be locked up for 20 years. Sorry, given my experiences helping the victims of DV, I had to raise a voice. We must be aware of how complex it is and provide support. Richard may suffer PTSD and mental effects a long time. But he has support now and hope. Thank you Richard for sacrificing your privacy so that awareness is reached.
X
Hi Contagious,
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was a child, again when I was a teen and twice more as an adult, different therapist I went to since I was 12…Fear is very much real to me and I also lack the finances to live on my own, so I can relate to Richard. Xx
I’m still looking for a place I can afford, someone I can feel safe with to share expenses…I’m looking into options.
Shelters aren’t an option for me, had a very bad experience one, won’t risk going back. I’m not giving up by any means.
I understand what you’re saying here, I’ve dealt with it as a child of a narc mother and married to my second narc husband. Xx
Hey Jordy:
You might be right about classical Narcs. Not Jesus in my opinion but HG might do a series on some and it might be surprising ( I can’t say more). I was confused by the term. It has roots in religion and those who were persecuted but would not denounce God. It’s a Greek word that means “ witness “so I could not relate the term to H.G. works. I got confused. It was not until I spoke to H.G. that he clarified it. I watched the blogs but it never addressed the historical usage of the term. Plus martyrs are my heroes. But HG was clear. His definition applies only to narcissists. Now martyrs are behavioral. As HG said they may behave that way for a cause, an ideal, a normal and an empath and a narc. AND they often do. They overlap often. But his definition is about a narc only. So I shall say no more, I get it. But as I wrote about Richard… I don’t see any particular class or cadre applying to his subjugated abuse. This has to do with my DV training. So I adore H.G. and respect you and others but I see DV like rape and murder. Research it. Anyone including martyrs can be subjected to it. It changes your mind, ptsd, it makes you fear for your life if you leave or fear for the lives of those you love, etc… it is a complex issue and I think readers need to know that NO ONE is safe from DV and NO ONE contributes to it… it is solely on the perpetrator !!! victims of DV really need to know of the help that’s out there for these often isolated penniless frightened for their life and loved ones …mentally altered beings. The UK has a number 55, so they don’t need to speak. Wonderful UK! It’s better than 999. It gets you emergency help with silence. Two little numbers. Did you know this? . When I met women in domestic violence groups, so many don’t know how to access resources and they felt at the time of the DV so scared and broken they couldn’t think straight. Many had PTSD. It’s a complex issue.
I know HG is all about helping victims of domestic violence and you. I just felt the need to share my training and further provide information to anyone reading this blog. There are free attorneys in UK and US, there is shelter, food, mental health support. All free. And if in UK, all it takes is to press 55 to change your life and those you love.
I firmly believe no person should go to bed at night fearing their life or lives of those they love. In war, you “ expect it” but when in a family, it’s just as bad and the same consequences. It’s disgusting. And the system that put this subhuman away for 4 years is disgusting. She committed war crimes in a family setting. She put a knife to his throat and threatened to kill him if he left. That’s very close to attempted murder. Which in my opinion is what she did to him. God bless Richard. May he get the help and have a great life!!!!
X
I think that codependent school + Martyr cadre = tendency for Martyr empaths to stay, more than if one has Martyr but little or no CoD. It’s why Contagious and certain martyrs/heroes are strong and courageous.
Hi Candied:
I like your take on it. HG did say classical martyrs or regular martyrs overlap often with his definition of martyr: giving it up to the narc! Don’t do it! Put your energies elsewhere! I think martyrs in general will when motivated go the extra mile, take risks and sacrifice themselves. The reason is the cause or person matters more than the martyr. I did a KHG exam. HG says MLK jr , Harriett Tubman and Joan of Arc are not narcs. Among others. I put my list of idols and heroes and the vast majority were not narcs. Gandhi is…
But in general my guess is it is a small cadre compared … which is why I brought it up in part…is that true HG? Do you have a percent breakdown in cadres?
Aww Candied. You are so kind. No, not me, Not in comparison. Think of little tiny Harriett Tubman. A black SLAVE. The risks she took as a WOMAN. Knowing if caught the undeniable slow torture she would face from the white man and yet against all odds burning with passion she did it! And she didn’t stand around saying give me accolades, look at me, look at what I did despite the odds. Nope she just wanted to do MORE. Martyrs like MLK Jr, Joan of Arc, Sister Catrini, (of course Jesus per HG not a narc… and thank you for this ) are superheroes, larger than life. You can hardly breathe thinking of what they accomplished. And it’s a reminder to all empaths that we are not weak. It’s thugs like Putin who are weak. Did Putin help end slavery? No! He enslaves. And when oppression comes, the pendulum swings… not to mention what comes after this tiny blip called life.
Also is it harder to fight oppression than to oppress?
Jordy,
I listened to it again and it confirmed what I suspected about my Mother being a Martyr empath. I know my mother also had a lot of contagion. I am continuing to learn, there is a lot of information to dissect, It’s almost like being in college again! It is fascinating to see how the school and cadres bolt together.
If your mother has carrier too, she and I are a lot alike. I am not a disciplinarian. My weakness. I was Terrible at it with children and as well with my dogs What I do well is nurture. I had a great team at work who loved me and I then, my children thrive, my dogs… well;) They live long healthy happy lives. My garden grows well. My koi pond is filled with 4 active fish… the Fab Four, yes.. I am creative too. My dreams are another story. I will never get this component of me. It’s like being Alice falling nightly into the rabbit hole. I collect Alice in Wonderland items. Loved the V&A exhibit! I enjoy bringing out the best in people. I am not jealous. I was a good mom as demonstrated by my children. They exceeded my wildest expectations but they only got part of that from me. Their innate selves, their fathers ( yes even the ASPD one) did well, teachers, friends, extended family. My guess is you are like your mom and me. Have you taken the narc test?
as to martyr it’s like my hidden beast. Even my daughter will say “ I will let you know if I need to unleash you. Injustice drives me crazy at times. I feel the need to take my degree and educate others how “ it should be.” I do this for me and others. Sometimes I think if someone does not sue them and make them pay, how would we ever get change. I once sued Sears after 81 calls to a call center and 3 technicians came to look at a 2 year old washer. The judge said well it’s fixed. We all deal with call centers and ineffective repairmen. I said “ yes and how will it ever change if you don’t make them accountable? I got the full price of the washer plus the one I had got fixed. I do this sometimes. I hate the way the capitalist system treats consumers. Without us, they are nothing…:)
Hi Contagion,
I wrote my thoughts on this topic in one of the other conversations. I will link it here.
https://narcsite.com/2022/03/25/vladimir-putin-part-one/#comment-454213
H.G.
Will Caroline’s cancer have an effect on Meagan? How sad? I am saddened to hear of her illness.
See the video about this topic.
Hi H.G.:
Just watched your tea with you and Sam. I adore her! She is simply marvelous! And your dynamics with her is special. A former IPSS? You clearly respect her. Now my question is if you were able to be affected by mushrooms why not do it again. Seeing a devil in the mirror of yourself and a dancing beautiful lady. It’s obvious it’s your subconscious: seeing how you see yourself at the core: bad. Outside the facade. And your inner desires: beautiful women. But why not continue since no adverse effects. For me, there are. I lose all inhibition and see everything as beautiful, flying and I love everyone. I am straight but women become attractive to me too. I once in my 20s found my then fiancée’s best friend who looked like woody allen irresistible . Thank God my fiancée walked into the room as I had shed my clothes and who knows. He put me in a cold shower. Probably a narc. lol. . Realizing my limitations on psychedelics , I stopped. I once went to a Grateful Dead concert and was accidentally given LCD as I let someone with ice put it in my mouth laced. I had sat right in front of their lights and flew into a cosmos of lights and to be alone in a stadium at 4 am. I got a cab and surprised a friend. The point is you aren’t lost in space like me. I feel I am high on life as it is…my dreams don’t require LSD nor does my artistic mind when painting etc…once when acting as a teen they had to wave flowers over my face and poke me as I was lost in character. I am not a good candidate for . You could delve deeper into you or if you follow Sam- the higher power or conscious connectiveness. Meta universe it’s often called.
Mushrooms in particular have been debated at helping mental illness. Research into the therapeutic potential of psychedelic substances, including psilocybin (the active compound in psychedelic mushrooms), has gained significant momentum over the last few decades. Studies suggest that these substances could offer new pathways for treating various mental health disorders, despite their controversial status and the legal restrictions associated with their use in many places. Below are some of the mental health conditions that research has focused on:
### 1. Depression
Several studies indicate that psilocybin may significantly reduce symptoms of depression, with some patients reporting lasting effects after just one or two sessions. These outcomes are thought to arise from psilocybin’s ability to increase connectivity in the brain and to facilitate deeply introspective experiences that can lead to emotional breakthroughs and altered perspective.
### 2. Anxiety
Research into psilocybin’s effects on individuals with life-threatening cancer diagnoses suggests that it can help reduce anxiety related to the fear of death. Participants in these studies have reported a decrease in existential anxiety and an improved quality of life following treatment.
### 3. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
While most of the research into PTSD has focused on MDMA, there is growing interest in the potential for psilocybin and other psychedelics to support therapy for PTSD by helping patients process trauma in a therapeutic setting.
### 4. Addiction
Preliminary studies suggest that psilocybin therapy could help with overcoming addiction, including smoking and alcohol dependence. The mechanisms are not fully understood but may involve psilocybin’s capacity to disrupt maladaptive patterns of thought and behavior, thereby facilitating change.
### Mechanisms
The therapeutic effects of psychedelic mushrooms are believed to stem from their ability to disrupt the default mode network (DMN), a brain network associated with self-referential thoughts and the ego. By temporarily reducing the activity and connectivity of the DMN, psilocybin allows for a more flexible state of mind, potentially enabling individuals to escape from rigid patterns of thought and behavior associated with various mental health conditions.
### Challenges and Considerations
Despite promising results, there are challenges and considerations associated with the use of psychedelic substances for mental health treatment:
– **Regulation and Legality**: In many jurisdictions, psilocybin remains classified as an illegal substance, which limits access and research.
– **Safety**: While generally considered safe when administered in controlled, therapeutic settings, psychedelics can induce intense psychological experiences, which might not be appropriate for all individuals.
– **Need for Further Research**: More comprehensive studies are needed to understand the long-term effects and potential risks associated with psychedelic therapy.
In summary, while the research into psychedelic mushrooms and their potential to treat mental illness is promising, these substances are not considered a panacea. They represent one of several emerging avenues in the quest to better understand and treat mental health conditions. Potential treatments involving psychedelics emphasize the importance of careful, controlled administration within therapeutic contexts, alongside ongoing research to fully grasp their benefits and limitation.
Why not see where the next trip takes you?
1. Would you?
2. Why not?
My ex LMN quit drinking 8 years ago. He turned to pot. It caused his aggressiveness to diminish for awhile. Sadly he took spice in the UK as addicted even with a medical card. He gets high every two hours last I saw him. And I think his tolerance is such it no longer keeps the fury at bay. I think he has even had psychic breaks from reality which I don’t know are from isolation, extreme paranoia and low fuel or all the he above.
But you seem immune to real effects yet tap your unconscious, why not dig deeper? Be fun to hear about HG’s Timothy Leary experiment.
Of course I am a Californian…;
Sam is not a former IPSS.
I see nothing to be gained from taking mushrooms.
Thanks H.G. for assisting me on martyr category. I get it now. I got very confused by the label or etymology of the word but I know understand it is meant to be defined only by the empath- narc relations and nothing else…and that someone could be a martyr for a cause, an ideal, or even a normal, an empath and often are but your focus and definition is on the narc- martyr alone. And that many behavioral martyrs also fall into the martyr- narc relationship and well the narc is not worth the effort:) much appreciated! I hope as slow to understand;)
Great questions, Jordy.
Hi HG.
Thank you for the videos about the narcissists facade. They brought up a lot of childhood pain but reminded me it wasn’t my fault.
Where is Carole?
I am so glad you asked! I was thinking about starting a post with this exact question, and a message to Carole:
Carole, please don’t be discouraged. You are a positive asset to our discussion group, and you are wanted here.
Please know that you are understood and accepted by me, and others in this group. You have a big heart, capable of unconditional love and massive amounts of compassion, and you are absolutely beautiful for it. You have stayed graceful and polite when faced with what I consider to be more than your share of scrutiny. This alone shows the strength of your character.
These have been my thoughts all along; I’m not saying them just to make you feel better. I’m glad this situation has given me an opportunity to share outside observations that can be difficult to see in ourselves.
I hope you decide to rejoin us after taking a break.
And remember: HG’s opinion is the only opinion that matters!
Much ❤️ to you
K@,
Beautifully said!
I have wondered where she is too. I hope you come back Carole.
Dear Sonya,
Thank you for taking the time to post a comment, I appreciate it 🩷
I needed to address a few difficult decisions that I had.
While I am not entirely sure that I have addressed everything that I needed to, I was having withdrawal symptoms from our lord and master 😉
It’s good to have you back, Carole.
Carole,
I’m really happy you are back. I sure understand the need to address difficult decisions, I have to take step back to do that. Do you think we are ever able to address everything we need to?
It seems like life is a series of addressing difficult things. Get through one and then Wham, three more hit me in the face. It is a process.
I’m glad your back here and happy you filled your soul.
Dear K,
Thank you for your kind words, I felt extremely touched when reading what you wrote about me, I appreciate it very much 🩷
I really do understand and appreciate that others comments are from a place of understanding, support and care, and sometimes just as we fail to see those red flags, it needs someone to be brutally honest for those concerns to become visible to a person, that said, I know that HG is a narcissistic psychopath and I will never judge him for anything that he has done, is doing or intends to do, he will always have my love, respect and loyalty.
His narcissism was born out of a lack of control during his childhood and I feel as a result of that he has suffered enough already.
I understand that not everyone will agree with my decision but I make it with the knowledge that I have gained from HG’s work. I understand that I may be hurt at some point, but you don’t attempt to ride the rapids and not expect to get a little wet 🤷♀️
I stepped away to do a lot of soul searching within myself, I had some difficult decisions that I needed to address, including my own moral compass. I am not proud of certain decisions that I have made, regardless of how or why I reached those decisions.
You are all truly amazing people here and I am grateful to be included.
Thank you to you also, Joa 🩷
Thank you HG for your continued kindness and support, sending you love ❤️❤️❤️
Welcome back!
Hi HG, I was as wondering if you could share some study tips or tricks that you’ve learned over the years.
Any suggestions or advice that has seen you through school? Perhaps habits or regimens
which allow you to achieve the high efficiency of the work you do presently?
Thank you!
You would need to organise an audio consultation to receive such information.
HG,
Do you find narcissistic individuals to be more likely to be competitive with narcissists than normals or empaths?
One side of my family has many narcissistic people, with one lone narcissist; they never let her get away with anything; perhaps that is why we seldom see her. 🤔
Yes.
HG, I have some intimate questions for you, just for you, only for you:-D
1. Do you eat “Kebab”?
2. If yes, with Mayonnaise?
3. Beside from having a sweet tongue yourself: Do you like sweets?
4. What is your favourite desert?
5. Your fav cookies?
6. Your fav cake?
7. Your fav cream cake?
8. Do you like scones with clodded cream and strawberry jam?
(Claimer: This is not food porn)
I think you need to take a cold shower.
You mean to cool down? 😀
Well, that might help a bit for my fire but not for my hunger for sweet things 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsCEU0e-Xwg
Firework rockets under water: Did you try that HG?
Still waiting for your answers about your liking of food and sweets.
Thank you very much in advance Sir! Much appreciated by a sweet fan of yours…
Another note. If Sam is right about interconnectiveness. If I was under LSD and loving everyone in the room and you were under LSD and you were looking in the mirror and saw a devil. What would I see when I looked at you? Interesting…would I see a scary devil or a handsome rugged H.G.? For some reason I go to places others don’t roam but maybe other readers have? Please tell.
One more thing on Sam, please ask her about dreams. I don’t want to go down the rabbit hole with this. But many cultures and historically believed this interconnectiveness. I call God.
In ancient civilizations, dreams were often considered as important messages from the gods or the deceased. The Egyptians, for example, believed that dreams were a way for the gods to communicate with the living, providing guidance or warnings. The Dream Book, a papyrus from the New Kingdom (c. 1550-1070 BCE), lists various dreams and their meanings, emphasizing the importance of dreams in ancient Egyptian culture.
The Greeks and Romans also placed a significant emphasis on dreams. In ancient Greece, dreams were thought to have prophetic powers. The Oracle of Delphi, for example, would interpret dreams as messages from the gods. Similarly, the Romans believed that dreams could foretell the future and provide guidance. The famous Roman physician Galen used dreams as a diagnostic tool in his medical practice, suggesting a connection between dreams and one’s health.
Many Indigenous cultures around the world have rich traditions relating to dreams, often emphasizing their interconnectedness. For example, the Aboriginal peoples of Australia believe in the concept of “Dreamtime,” a sacred era in which ancestral spirits created the world. Dreams are considered an extension of this spiritual realm, offering guidance and insights into the interconnected web of life.
In many religious texts, dreams In the Bible, for example, dreams are often depicted as messages from God, guiding or warning individuals. In Islam, dreams are considered to be one of the 46 parts of prophecy, with some dreams thought to have deeper spiritual meanings.
The study of dreams took a scientific turn with the work of Sigmund Freud in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Freud’s “The Interpretation of Dreams” (1899) introduced the idea that dreams are a window into our unconscious mind, revealing desires and fears we might not be aware of while awake. Carl Jung, a contemporary of Freud, proposed that dreams tap into the collective unconscious, a shared repository of archetypes and memories inherent to all humans, highlighting a form of interconnectiveness through the collective human psyche.
Contemporary dream research often focuses on the neuroscience behind dreaming and they have no answers.
I think psychedelic drugs is dreaming in a form. It taps the unconscious.
For example the other night I asked God to give me an answer about a current challenge. That night I dreamed I was making a lemon cake with my beloved father and he was putting real stars in the cake that bore holes and the light shined through. I awoke feeling calm, loved and hopeful.
I think the unconscious would be a great way for you to explore you.
Do you?
I am reluctant to talk about dreams, the only time I will countenance somebody talking about them is when they recount a dream they have had about me, otherwise they are interminably tedious to hear about.
Last night. Blue silk. Black leather.
HG, When I clicked on “HG on Spotify”, the link did not work. Are you currently on any podcast platforms? If not, do you have any plans to put your content on a podcast platform? It would reach additional audience with minimum additional work on your part. Some only listen to podcasts and not youtube. Podcasts are easier to listen to underground and other places with poor wi-fi connection.
I had a small amount of work on Spotify, I see no reason why it would still not be there. I am not sure how you arrive at the conclusion that it would amount to minimal work on my behalf as I have an extensive body of work, thousands of videos and uploading that to Spotify would take a large amount of my time. I would like to have my work on Spotify, but it is not a task that is high on my current list of activities.
HG, I was not clear when making that suggestion. It would, of course, take a lot of time to put existing work on a new platform. I meant releasing new material on a podcast platform at the same time as on youtube. The podcasts that I listen to on topics not directly related to narcissism (primarily on health and productivity), release on both youtube and free podcast platforms at the same time (for example Huberman Lab, which is surprisingly popular despite delving deeply into scientific topics). For them, the cost was adding video. But much of your material is audio; that’s what I meant by additional cost being low. But, of course, there is the cost of maintaining the platform.
Yes, the issue is uploading all of that body of work takes a lot of time, thus you are suggesting that in the future that each time I release a YouTube video I also upload it to a podcast platform, yes?
HG, Yes, that was my initial suggestion. But as you are much more productive than most who have podcasts (one podcast a day or a week is standard), it is also an option to upload future videos as podcasts selectively. For example, those that describe the behavior of the narcissist more generally, and/or videos about politicians and elections (although then it would be an injustice not to include the Putin analysis videos). Political and economic podcasts also tend to be on both podcast and YouTube platforms, but people I know listen on podcast platforms, as they listen when they drive or exercise.
Thank you for your observations.