Knowing the Narcissist : Entering the Sphere of Influence
Few people are unfamiliar with the Star Wars franchise. In the first film, A New Hope, Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker and Chewbacca have emerged from hyperspace in the millennium falcon only to find an imperial tie fighter and an absence of the planet that they had hope to reach. Instead as a perplexed Han Solo tries to figure out what is going on, the tie fighter is seen racing towards a small moon that Luke has identified. As the sphere comes into view, Obi-Wan states with a calm dread,
“That’s no moon.”
Indeed it is not. It is in fact a space station and specifically the machine of mass destruction that is the death star. Once recognition has dawned on the quartet along with the fearful consequence of being near to such a powerful weapon, they try to escape but it is too late. The millennium falcon has been caught in the death star’s tractor beam and they hare slowly dragged towards the waiting death star.
We are that death star. We glide along appearing at first to be something benign or at least neutral, our true purpose masked to those we seek to pull into our sphere of influence. Our tractor beam is powerful, unceasing and almost impossible to resist as it attaches to our victims and with our legendary seductive ability hauls them into our world. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights you are unable to escape as we pull you closer and closer to us. By the time you realise what has happened and that we are indeed ‘no moon’ it is too late, you have been caught and escape is extremely difficult. Our true purpose is hidden from and if you ever do realise that is a ‘death star’ you are sailing towards you will find it so very difficult to escape the iron hold we have over you.
There are those, through the intervention of others and the application of learned knowledge, who do manage to free themselves from the tractor beam’s hold. It is rarely immediate. The escape that might occur usually only takes place after a long period of time subjected to our burning lasers of hurt and our photon torpedoes of misery. If you manage to escape you know by now that you must stay away and keep away. We will continue to drift along, like that death star cruising through space as we take hold of fresh victims along our route and drag them towards us. Occasionally we will shift our path and make towards you once again. You remain in one place at your peril as we will approach you and once more seek to suck you in with our mighty tractor beam. We may plot a course which takes us to pastures new where we busy ourselves with fresh and shiny new victims who provide us with delicious and exciting fuel. This will occupy us but we will never forget about you. You will similarly never forget about us because of what we have done to you and the way we have conditioned you. This conditioning engenders a sense of curiosity in you. You need to know what we are doing, you want to know who we are interacting with now and thus you decide to fly past our death star, just for a distant view of the edifice that once nearly destroyed you. You feel safe watching from a distance as you fly by but be warned. Fly too close and that tractor beam will take hold of you again. If you give us any opportunity to hoover you back in once again we will seize it. You appear on our sensors and we will increase the power of the tractor beam in a bid to capture you once again. It may have been years since there was any interaction between us but if you fly too close to our death star then you will be sucked back into it and subjected to our machinations once again.
When you first try and escape we apply the tractor beam to keep you where we want you, but if you are determined and manage to depart then we set a course for new horizons and new fuel. We may at a later date decide to alter our trajectory again and move back to your solar system in the hope of grabbing you once more. Should you see us coming you need to jump in your space ship and fly somewhere else quick. If you wish to flirt with danger, feel free to follow us to the new galaxy where we are destroying new planets, but if you come too close, we will detect you and we will apply that tractor beam once again. The passage of time does not matter. It might just be a few months since you made your escape or it could be a decade, either way, if you come close to our sphere of influence our tractor beam will take a hold of you and pull you back towards us. You will always be of interest to us, it may be in a week’s time, a year or ten years but if there is a window of opportunity to take hold of you again we will gladly take it because the fuel to be gained is exquisite.
So, if you manage to escape our grip, fly to the other side of space from us and keep that distance otherwise our tractor beam will draw you in once again. That is the only hope you have to remain free of our grip. Unless of course you somehow manage to fire that photon torpedo down that exhaust chute but we both know you are never going to be able to manage that, right?
3 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Entering the Sphere of Influence”
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Dear HG, in your conversation with Sam on „Do We Need Narcissists?“ you touched upon very important themes! Thank you for doing that! And as you asked, I would like to offer my thoughts on the theme you briefly touched upon towards the end of the conversation — Balance. Which also fits with the analogy in this article and a favorite Star Wars theme of mine — the battle of the two forces. To contribute on why there is a „pulling“ in the first place and why it may or may not result in Balance.
There may be different approaches to what Balance is and why it is important to find it. Opposed to the Unbalance which originate from a certain state and there are differentiations.
1. DUALITY. This word conceptualise the battle of two opposite forces over the power and control this forces execute against one another. This stance comes from the position of lacking an essential component, which would suggest completeness. The Good is not complete and The Bad is not complete as long as they fight over superiority and exclusion. Both come from a position of lack and thus are unable to achieve Balance. Their starting position of lack is the catalyst for the Duality and its unfolding.
2. POLARITY. The natural synergy of two forces of life. The composing and decomposing forces. Two life-giving forces in unity, create the infinite transition and transformation of evolving aspects of our seen (physical) and unseen (thoughts/feelings) matter.
Polarity is easiest to observe via nature as it maintains Balance unless it is thrown out of Balance by humane disorientation. Not all but many humans lost(?), barely posses the understanding of how nature functions and what their role is in this synergetic composition. Nature creates itself and lives on. There is a synergy amongst species and elements which allow an endless abundance in the physical realm.
(Side note: Genetically modified food (seeds) can’t reproduce themselves anymore. Humane intervention (food corporations) sets an imbalance for the purpose of creating an artificial state of lack and Duality over a natural source of life which never lacked abundance to begin with.)
Another reason for the Unbalance lies in the esoteric approach to disdain physicality by viewing it as a reason for suffering. It is a very twisted approach which originated yet again from Duality which is placed over the Polarity in our society. Alienated position of conflict with oneself and the world around.
I know it is a riddle of interests where we arrived right now in our time. Eventually it will come down to the individuals level of awareness on how to continue and it will succeed.
In your conversation with Sam, as you both very accurately mentioned; the Empath/Narcissist dynamic — even both are befallen by Duality in different amounts — after their dance, both or at least the Empath may come out of it with a realisation. Becoming more free and stable afterwards, if he/she is able to make such realisation on their own or encounter your work, or find a good therapist and so on. This dynamic is almost a training camp to become immune or to develop certain abilities.
Do we all need to go through a narcissistic abuse as a premise of evolution? Many individuals don’t need to go through it in the same way as others. Many Empaths can „stand in the shoes of victims“ and experience the positive/negative state and the revelations, without being involved in those relationships directly. Some Empaths experience energetically (and physically) the chronicles of experiences of others so to speak and benefit from this ability on one side and are hindered by it on the other. As it can be very confusing and disorienting to tap into varies energy-fields, their aims, the false of the artificial inhumane approach and to distinct it, in order to reach the truth of our own humane being.
On the Narcissist part. I think a high functioning Narcissist who sprung from Duality, yet realises intellectually the importance of Polarity and the Balance — will participate and shape society differently. And don’t need ultimately to have empathy, but a realisation about certain things. And I assume (observe) there are Narcissists who are on the more balanced spectrum of understanding certain aspects of life. Would they bee good to society, yet cutting off the hand which feeds them – abusing their fuel sources behind close doors? Many Empaths will tell you, no. Based on the environment the Narcissist creates with his/her intimate partner and children (if they choose to have any) they will be evaluated. Because every abused and damaged child has a potential of becoming a mass murderer on a big scale after all, whilst the abusive parent may bring qualitative joy to millions, make inventions and create great art in his/her societal function. It is the whole package and not the main outstanding, prevailing element which will be evaluated, I think. Regardless of his/her function in the society, a human is a free Multipurpose for its own benefit and for the co-Creation around, which can be in Balance or out of it.
The overall Balance via Polarity in human society — is perhaps too much to ask for at this particular moment in time, as most(?) of the participants of the society are still caught up in Duality by aware/unaware choice or coercion. But it’s a process getting there if both sides will choose to continue to explore this dynamic one day. Freely and not via dark-or-light tyranny.
What do we need? I’d say for sure we need a clear vision most of all. We need you HG Tudor, your brilliant work and effort because some of us recognise your unique ability to lead a healthy Tudor pack, if you will. I find a huge complementation in your particular existence. I can’t speak for others as I don’t know what they need. But I can envision a particular cluster of the tertiary, secondary, primary sources who are involved with you on a „pulling level“ and there is a need for each other at particular time and via different avenues as you/them/us move trough life and death – both – stages of Balance.
My thoughts so far on this topic you initiated to think about. Thank you very much for this wonderful episode and the opportunity to share my thoughts with you.
Excellent again. I can imagine HG being like Emperor Palpatine, but of course much more attractive.
I guess the tractor beam as a projected force field that pushes and pulls, is the core component of this analogy, and remaining away from the sphere of influence. Making sure you stay far away from the narcissist, out of sight enhances the likelihood of “out of mind”. But to be honest I think that the projected push and pull was as much from my mind as his, it felt like we were in a dance, we both had particular dance steps, and roles.
I keep having a block against this idea of power, it was not that he was powerful. He was actually quite vulnerable. Two damaged people intertwined in a dance. I think I just need to read these articles in the frame of a ‘story’ of power that a narcissist needs to view life through, in order to survive, and not the actual reality. Everyone loves a good story.