Offspring : The Narcissist and Children
I have detailed previously why it is that we regard the act of impregnation as a material asset in the narcissistic armoury. It is not only the promise of impregnation, but the act itself and what this act creates that produces a whole host of benefits for our kind. This is the approach adopted by numerous of our kind, those who see children as additional appliances from whom fuel can be drawn, pawns to be used in the repeated triangulations which can be orchestrated with the primary source and the method by which we are able to claim the achievements and the accomplishments of our issue as our own. Not all of our kind adopt that approach. There are those of us who regard the idea of offspring as a threat and a hindrance to our agendas.
Why would we want someone to come along and steal our limelight? From the moment a child is born it is sufficiently pathetic that it requires nigh on twenty four hour assistance. It cannot walk, it cannot feed itself, it cannot clothe itself or wash itself. It must be tended for on a repeated basis. If you were to look to us to do this, you would find that there would not be any assistance forthcoming. Not only are we notorious in our desire to shirk menial tasks (unless we see that there is some considerable benefit in us doing so) but we do not see why we should have our needs pushed to one side in order to facilitate the care of another. Even though that child is a product of our loins, there are those of our kind who adopt such a view. You ought not to be surprised by that. We behave the same with our parents, siblings and wider relatives. We are like that with friends of both short and long-standing duration and naturally we behave in such a way with the person we supposedly love, our intimate partner. Why then would you expect anything different from us in respect of a child. In such circumstances therefore, the decision not to have children would be regarded as a blessing I am sure by your kind. We could not countenance that all of the emotional attention would be directed and fixated on such a helpless being. Here we are, magnificent and brilliant and you choose to direct your fuel to somebody else. That is an insult indeed to us and a mighty criticism which would wound us considerably.
Our resources would also be sought for this new arrival. Time, energy, finances and so forth. We regard our resources as ours alone and begrudge sharing them, unless such largesse brings additional reward for us. This selfishness is necessary in order to preserve ourselves and the fact that a child needs our resources is not going to change that mind set. We do not do anything just for the sake of doing so. There must be an ulterior motive to our actions. Pouring our resources towards somebody who will be oblivious to this for some time is not something that finds favour with some of our kind.
From your perspective we know you regard us as selfish for behaving this way. We regard it as self-preservation. You are the givers and the carers, we are not. If you wish to judge us for adopting such a stance, so be it, but for those of our kind who regard the issue of children as something to be avoided, that position is most unlikely to alter. We see only loss. Loss of our resources and loss of our fuel. Whilst some of our kind regard the additional benefits which can be derived from having children (the binding of the primary source, additional fuel provision, potential for traits and triangulation etc.) as worth obtaining despite the likelihood of reduced fuel from the primary source and reduced resources, there are also those from our ranks who assess the situation and decide it is not a price they wish to pay.
What is behind that? Why is it that some of our number opt to have children and others refrain from doing so? I cannot offer a definitive answer, although I consider, from my experience and those that I have engaged with that the proportion of our kind who decide to have children is greater than those who do not. I suspect the temptations of further fuel provision and triangulation prove quite the draw. It also highly likely that the idea of securing our legacy through children proves attractive as well. Seeing our own image and knowing that it will, more likely than not, outlive our mortal selves, does appeal to the need to maintain our idea of omnipotence. See how mighty we are that our influence lives on in our offspring and will do so in their own as our dynasty is forged. Such a notion does provide its own appeal.
What of me? What tipped the balance for me so that I opted to remain child-free in order to remain light on my feet, unhindered and fully-resourced. Was it the factors I have described above which caused me to decide that having children was not for me? In part yes, although I readily admit that the other elements and benefits from having issue are attractive. No, whilst I weighed up these various benefits and disadvantages it was something from my past which proved to be the deciding factor. It was something that has resonated with me for some time and something that somehow buried deep inside me and stayed there for a while until I decided to act on it and made my decision as to my destiny in respect of children. The idea of seeing those in my own image wending their way through the world and following in my footsteps was a strong pull, a strong pull indeed, but ultimately it came down to something else. This may be applicable to others of our kind as well, but for me the decision came down to this.
I could not take the risk of him or her or them reminding me of you and what you did to me.
Those words will never be forgotten.
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Mr. Tudor–
“I could not take the risk of him or her or them reminding me of you and what you did to me.”
What you personally believe you would experience if you had chosen to have children:
1. Is this a thought that you imagine would be pervasive in regard to a child?
2. How would the status of the mother (in your case) being painted black or white alter this experience of looking at the child and being reminded of them? Is it a risk to look at the child and be reminded of the mother if she’s painted white?
3. Had you had children, would you have preferred to have an empath, normal, narcissistic or a self-aware narcissistic psychopath?
4. Would you clone yourself?
Self-aware in general:
If the empath parent was gone (by the narc’s/narcissistic psychopath’s choice)
5. Would it be more likely if the child was painted black that you would be reminded of the other parent negatively? If the child were painted white–would you more likely experience positive reminisces of the other parent? Or are they mostly/wholly independent of each other?
6. How would the mother’s imposition of a no contact regime impact dealing with an adult child?
7. Could you also look at the child have a positive experience at the memory of performing an action that was particularly devaluing/emotionally devastating to the empathic parent? Would this be considered “positive”?
8. Do self-aware have preferences for the personality of their child prior to having one? An empath would be easier for them to control. Another self-aware narcissist might do better when inheriting a successful business/kingdom/etc.
9. What does the self-aware narc/psychopath/narcissistic psychopath experience when they see their child in an abusive relationship (if the child is painted white)?
This article reads very much as blunt facts.
10. For me, it’s very sad to read that statement, “I could not take the risk…” I know you don’t experience sadness. What did you feel as you realized that?
Thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate it.
1. I do not know.
2. The reminder remains.
3. I do not have children therefore the question is redundant.
4. Yes.
5. It does not follow that every single time there would be a reminder of the parent.
6. I do not understand the question.
7. I do not understand the question.
8. Yes.
9. An attack on themselves as the child is an extension of themselves.
10. Nothing, other thank knowing I was correct.
Thank you so much for answering! I really appreciate your time.
“I could not take the risk of him or her or them reminding me of you and what you did to me.”
1. Who is you? I interpreted “you” as being the potential mother of your child. Reading the article a second time, I wasn’t wholly sure.
2. Why is it that you don’t want to be reminded in this particular circumstance?
Regarding the questions I poorly worded…
Circumstance: The non narcissist parent goes no contact with the narcissist, helped by the law. The child is an adult, an empath who loves both parents. The adult child remains in contact with the narcissist. (I can’t leave x. X is my parent.) The child had a relatively positive relationship with the narcissist.
3. How does no contact impact the parent/child relationship in the above situation when it first starts and as it moves forward? (Assuming the empathic child refuses to help the narc contact the former IPPS.)
When presented in This or That with “Golden period/Devaluation.” You chose devaluation. You have stated multiple times that you’re sadistic. There are probably many from the ranks of aware narcissists who favour devaluation, if not all.
If a GN shared your sadistic tendencies and had children…and the child did something similar to the disengaged from parent did when earning a harsh emotionally draining punishment. The greater witnessed and revelled in the fuel and control of delivering that punishment. The greater is reminded of that punishment by whatever they are hearing from their child.
4. Is that more likely to be viewed a “good” memory or a “bad” memory in that moment? Would they be reminded more of their masterful assertion of control and get thought fuel at the same time…or would it more likely be a reminder of the other parent challenging their control?
5. What factors impact the view of a specific memory if brought up in those circumstances (by someone connected to the other person as closely as parent/child)?
6. How does the painted white or painted black status of the child bringing up the memory such as the one above impact the view of the memory?
7. Is the subject from a “bad” memory more relevant in the resurfacing of it than the person who inadvertently brings it up?
8. What is the likelihood of a hoover to be initiated for a disengaged from former IPPS and would it likely be malign or benign?
I’m quite curious about what impacts the view a narcissist or psychopath has on various memories when they are reminded. I know memories are forgotten until they need to be relevant. You don’t dwell. When you relate them to your listeners, you frequently state that you’re not looking for pity/sympathy. It’s about us understanding the creation of the Ultra. You have shared a story about your finding a note from a former IPPS in a book you selected to read some time after you disengaged from her (from what I understood and remember). She became relevant. She had faded to white. Whatever else was going on in your life, you chose to contact her again–I understood it to be a positive interaction for both of you. You also have a story about…another lady. She contacted you and prompted a hoover. You made it seem like it would be a nice time. You were nice until the very end, when you showed your true feelings with a “gift” to her that brought her to tears. Whatever happened between you and the second lady, she remained painted black and you played a game with her. I don’t know what she did…I only have a few details…In both examples, you were quick to take action to contact the particular woman.
The way I feel and interact with good and bad memories just strikes me as wholly different from you. I’m an autistic empath. You’re a self-aware narcissistic psychopath. I have read much of your history that you’ve shared with us. I’ve listened to many videos. AND yet the risk of being reminded with regard to children is so great that it outweighed what sounded like an experience you would otherwise have found quite stimulating…
Thank you so much for your time. I greatly appreciate the opportunity to interact with someone like yourself–so intelligent, self-aware, and charming in a way that I view as being the safest way to do so.
Dani
Hi HG:
I personally think Dani was getting into the intricacies of abuse. No,?you don’t have a child.? But despite being an ultra and cognitively aware I think you know then if you would abuse your own child. You admit to abusing IPSS and in my experience those childless men… the IPSS it’s a substitute. They have a genuine need to abuse. 1. Why?
What is great : no children. If an abuser we’re to have them.
1. Was it a Conscious choice as you know you would abuse them? You avoided it? You hear people say, I would be a bad father so I never had children..
Don’t say you never thought about the type of parent you would he’s not likely. So is that why?
2. My issue is with abuse is it’s Dna plus environment. And since the environment of an abuser with the DNA, only if they change before the child is 9 do they stand to have a child to be happy and not be a harmer of others. It happens. But what is the best way to intervene if not family? Tough!
3. The problem seems to be the dna and cycle of abuse is within families. Hard to see intervention regularly. And those outside can help and should…. But I imagine you ask why…
See I have an issue with abuse in general and especially of a child. I hate drama and trauma. I wish and even my enemies happiness. I may cut people out but I wish them well.
This is the deepest maybe darkness thing I don’t understand and probably never will as we are wired differently brain wise.
Why do abusers aka narcs have this anger?
Well of course unresolved childhood trauma and DBA.
But it’s so illogical, so surprising and may I say bat shit crazy?
I have seen it. I know. Substance abuse often unleashes it further. So even if an abuser wiggles his way to power or money, what is success if you can’t feel joy and happiness or love. Everyone works to get that!
Perhaps power but ever notice how fleeting that is compared to love?
Sadly I have come to the conclusion that those who cannot love, feel happiness and are empty are simply angry. You sense it. Then it becomes obvious and they create harm.
What’s weird is normally angry people have a reason. They usually don’t or it’s bullshit. They are just burning furnaces inside. Looking for any reason to blow up. It could be a trigger but it could be bat shit crazy. What I have found out my life are there aren’t many. None but one on my mother’s side but same motive: harm and same source: I was harmed.
4. And that is my primary grievance and wonder. WHY? If so angry why not take it back to the original source, why take it to society at large?
5. Finally the answer would be the wonder of money and power but if you can’t experience joy or happiness or love as what is this currency? Toilet paper in the billions?
6. Life is short, eternity endless. Most people who die don’t care about power or money. It’s love.
Narcs are bankrupt.
But are they really?
See I see them as half them, half broken child. I had a psychiatrist who said this to me and two psychologists say that’s interesting.
I think they do have empathy but it’s fractured part of a personality but like multiple DID there is not much known about I and they are unaware.
The love bombing may be a manipulative narc probably but I think in between start and stop a facet of their personality might get be authentic genuine and loving or empathy and that is why people get hooked, it is on snippets of a fractured personality.
No one can tell me that I spent 12 years as I am in baritone highly to a man with zero empathy. He had it at times, not a fake but he had an abusive part he cannot control so I left him. I loved the man not the broken child.
A baby cannot survive without love but narcs do.
5. Hg what do you think of my theory that narcs are fractured personalities that do have empathy at times but also don’t?
It would explain cases like Lucy …oh she held my child and really loved him. Oh she killed my child.
Was it fake? Or fractured?
It would make a lot of sense for people who loved narcs a long time and saw empathy live ke me in helping me start a business, helping me with kids, loving without a doubt dogs and losing weight hem to natural death yet witnessing abuse that cannot h ignored or tolerated.
I mean what exactly is personality?
6. How is my theory wrong?
I mean after years of following you. Your father and mother are in you. You admire your mother as strong and adopt her ways of abuses the anger is there.
But how would you know if the personality was fractured? If both man and broken child lived separately in you? Let’s skip psychopathy as it predominates and is hard wired ???
Mr. Tudor says, “I could not take the risk of him or her or them reminding me of you and what you did to me.”
I thought that comment was about Matrinarc and not an IPPS? Am I correct when I say that you couldn’t risk any children reminding you of your mother?
Yes.
HG, I know you don’t have conscience or compassion (especially being a psychopath as well) but I am curious to know: “I could not take the risk of him or her or them reminding me of you and what you did to me.” There are so many narcissists who were created in horrendous environments and who see no remorse in doing even worse things to their offspring because they can and also because they can thus revenge their abusers, albeit indirectly. Plus the bonus of no need for seduction as a child is a more or less stable provider of fuel for at least 18 years. Maybe it is due to your high intellect that you have come to this conclusion?
I have neither compassion nor a conscience, it is simply a logical outcome owing to my pursuit of what suits me.
What about those who see it as their legacy? My ex was Anti social but he wanted all boys to carry the name. He had a son but he was a drug addict and in and out of jail. He wanted boxers. In fact I had a baby when I met him, a half cuban boy and I fell for him as he was so adamant that he wanted to be his father and cubans made great boxers. He wanted to adopt immediately and his biological father said no. We had a daughter and his look at the hospital was something. He wanted more kids but his two and the other two caused me pause. Thank God! My son ironically became a boxer and a Sergeant in the marines. Unknown to me at the time, my ex took him to lunch with my daughter and former step daughter as he explained to my son that it was him that caused my son to pursue these paths. Never mind, when he quit football at 14, I paid for his private lessons and gym membership in boxing as it interested him at 14. The girls laughed silently. But there is such a strong desire for legacy. Didn’t you want that HG? Your name and genes to carry on? Not too late? Look at Deniro, Chaplin, Curtis etc…
I’ve watched your kind have multiple children. Can’t have enough. Shared your time, energy and resources only for them to become your open adversaries and your greatest threat and disappointment and the only ones who can bring you down. … which they do and will.
Your blessed to not have any.
You did your self a favour.
It would have come down to your survival or theirs.
Being knifed in the back by your own child and especially the favourite is an act that even narcs can’t fully survive if at all.
Treachery runs deep in the blood.
You can never trust your little treasures.