Psychopath : I Will Burn It All
— The embankment was comparatively steep, however, the way that the trees had grown on it and the erosion of some of the soil meant that natural steps had been created in the embankment making it easier to climb. I made my ascent, jerry can in one hand, using the other to ensure that I maintained my balance as I climbed higher and higher. After a few minutes I paused and turned to look back. Down below in the hollow was my grandparent´s house, the grey slate roof seemingly positioned so that I could jump from the embankment and land on it. For a moment I considered doing that, taking a huge leap from the embankment, flying through the air, above the trees and landing on the expansive roof. There I could dislodge the roof slates and then pour the petrol within. All it would take would then be one match, a solitary spindly stick of fire falling into the created gap and then the flames would dance for me. The roofspace would soon ignite, so many wooden beams and so forth and it would be an age before a fire engine would get into this secluded location, by then the house would be a raging inferno. I looked at the gap between me on the embankment and the house below, it looked bridgeable but after consideration I concluded that I would fall short and instead crash onto the balustrade on the eastern front of the house and that would make me look like a failure. No, the house would be reprieved. This time.
I looked into the distance, afforded a fantastic view of the countryside, the undulating landscape continuing into the haze before I turned and once again began to climb. I made my way between the pine trees, climbing higher, a lone adventurer making his way through the gathering gloom of the trees. I recalled the last time I had been up here. Once again I had been creating my town landscape on the rough ground when I saw a girl´s head pop above the drystone wall and then two more. They were around my age and asked me what I was doing.
“Burning things, clearly,” I replied dismissively.
“Why?” asked one. She had long blonde hair and a nose which turned up at the end.
“Because I like doing it,” I replied. She considered this for a moment and nodded in acceptance.
I do not recall much more of the conversation but what I do recall is that I ended up climbing part way up the embankment with all three of them so that we were hidden from the house and we embarked on a kissing competition. They wanted to see how long I could kiss them for without breaking for breath. I readily accepted this challenge. Although I was young, I had experience of kissing from school and therefore knew I would easily beat the targets that they set. I stood on the side of the embankment kissing each one in turn. The first merely pressed her lips straight against mine and did not move her mouth which I found boring but I would not break off. She eventually did and I pointed out to her that this was not how you kissed.
“Watch this,” I instructed and moved on to the second girl with the third saying we had to kiss for twenty seconds. The second girl lacked the rigidity of the first and responded as I pulled her to me, gripping her tightly and then she joined me as I began to move my mouth. I opened one eye to ensure the other two girls were watching. The first had her eyes wide open as if she was watching something for the first time, the third watched with an anticipatory smirk on her lips.
It was a strange encounter with those three friends, one of whom lived further down the lane and her two school friends had visited her for the afternoon. The memory formed in my mind and was carried with me as I reached the top of the embankment, which was where I let it dissipate into the ether of the past.
The top of the embankment was a flattened area which had more trees. They were more densely collected than on the side of the embankment and as I made my way through them, the light faded. The darkness of this wooded area began to surround me, the many trees swaying slight in the low wind which made its way through across the embankment. The swaying of the trees, the stiffening breeze created the psithurism which made it seem as if a dark cloak was billowing atop the land. I continued on my way, weaving my way through the trees heading for my goal.
In the past when I had climbed the embankment I had expected to find myself at the top of a hill where I would be able to sit and survey all around, however I was surprised to find that the top of the embankment was more like a staging post. A flat area of trees which then led to more of the hill, albeit the tree line halted and instead it was a field which stretched onwards and upwards. More hill to climb, although that was not the purpose of today. Instead, I walked along to the left, the line of trees on my left, the field on my right as I saw my target just ahead of me. The wooden building.
I walked so I was positioned straight in front of it. A set of wooden steps led to a wide porch and then there was the two main doors. Onc was closed but the other was slightly ajar. There were multiple windows set along the front of this large wooden building. Most of the glass had gone, just a few broken panes remaining and from within came the bleached curtains which danced like tethered spectres, the wind whipping them through the exposed windows, tortured off-white wraiths seemingly condemned to remain bound to this place. From the outside one could not see inside, the interior was inky dark. The wood was broken in places, showing signs of rot underneath but the structure as a whole remained intact. I had been in here on numerous occasions, once even finding a man sleeping rough. It was only one storey, a low sloping roof which had fallen prey to the elements in some places, so that sky above could be seen through the breaks in the material. The building was easily two hundred feet in length and fifty feet across, other than a concrete foundation it was all made from wood and had been a substantial construction.
Once this place had been filled with people. I had established that it was some kind of retreat for people to come to and I suspected it was where they found rest. I wondered at first whether it was a leisure venue but that did not seem right. Instead it gave me the distinct impression from its design and some of the discarded furnishing and fittings within that is was used as a place of isolation, but relatively well appointed isolation. It was not somebody’s home, it was not even a holiday let, but struck me as a private retreat which was either some kind of sanatorium or a place for the stilling of the mind. One of the most unusual features about it was that there was no road that led to it, yet is was clearly a place that had different visitors. It was not a place that perhaps one group came to and never left, but instead the formality of its interior suggested it had patients rather than guests and ones who would then depart when they had recovered. How people reached it, was unclear, did they walk? How did the staff come here? Perhaps there was once a road but it had been dug up or the advancing field had grown over it. I had kicked at the ground beyond the door but unearthed nothing that would denote a road, lane or track. Strange.
It was difficult to gauge how long it had been left in a period of neglect and abandonment, ten years, twenty years, I could not fathom, but all I knew was that other than the occasional animal and the aforementioned rough sleeper it no longer served any meaningful purpose.
Except to me.
The wind had stiffened and that was advantageous as it would provide the bellows for my inferno. This mysterious building in the middle of nowhere stood waiting as I advanced, making my way up the creaking steps and across the porch. The building grew larger as I made my way towards the ajar left door and the midnight dark interior, jerry can in hand.
Time for this place to burn.
I will burn it all.
18 thoughts on “Psychopath : I Will Burn It All”
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Now you are asking us on your YT channel if we have got any “burning questions” about the Beige one. Which word shall receive the emphasis in that phrase then? Or should we take a multidisciplinary approach, seeing as you are an expert in other fields as well?
HG, sir… I would have actually liked to have joined your pyro and party, watching the spectacle of that abandoned building transcend… One of my very first memories is of a blue flame from a fire stovetop I observed as an infant, laying on a kitchen table opposite the fire stove… With time, fascination for the fire appeared in myself as well. My mother knew that she would not be able to control my curiosity for it or control me in my playground environment thus she taught me about fire and how it would react with all kinds of materials, hair or clothing; the pace it is able to take and that it was crucial for me to respect and understand its untaming nature…
Fire’s enigmatic captivity and facets tend sometimes to evade grown ups’ understanding or perhaps they simply forgot about the awe and curiosity of a child for fire’s enchanting and otherworldly magic and the lens through which the child views its experiences in his or her unblemished perception.
…Nowadays I live a life where every morning I must make sure to light a fire in order to heat my house and water. In that sense my day usually starts with ’taming a fire demon’ for whom I am grateful for and mesmerised by its many facets.
Thank you for bringing your experiences and knowledge into the world and setting a flame of understanding, Sir! Happy holidays and a fantastic new year!
Two songs come to mind when I read this.
Firstly this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eseCex-rgHs
Secondly this one
Mr. Tudor—
An excellent follow-up to. Thank you.
1. Would that jump doable for you now? Did you ever attempt and make that jump from the embankment to the roof?
“It was difficult to gauge how long it had been left in a period of neglect and abandonment, ten years, twenty years, I could not fathom, but all I knew was that other than the occasional animal and the aforementioned rough sleeper it no longer served any meaningful purpose.”
2. Would you have been less likely to have destroyed it had there been a human presently staying in the building, if only a homeless person?
3. You were briefly distracted by the girls. Have you ever departed on a mission of fiery rampage only to be distracted and stop whatever destruction you had previously planned?
4. If yes to 3, what distracted you?
5. Did you burn your maternal grandparent’s home down or cause any major destruction to it with fire?
THank you so much for your time, sir. Much appreciated.
1. No.
2. In the immediacy, yes, because I would be dealing with the human ahead of setting the building on fire.
3. Not distracted but a plan may alter.
5. No.
Thank you so much for answering, sir.
1. How greatly have your plans altered when you’ve been of a mind to light things on fire?
2. Have you ever dealt with a person residing in a place before burning it?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
1. That is difficult to quantify.
2. There was no need to deal with any such individual.
Thank you, sir!
In the case of this abandoned property, you were making your way up the hill when you were briefly distracted by the girls. You had all the ingredients you required to burn the building. Once you’re at the point that you have all that you need for your incendiary plans…
1. Have your plans altered to the point that you departed without starting the fire or any fire with the intent of destruction in the immediacy?
2. If yes to 1, would you share a story about that?
3. Would a distraction to the point that you departed the general vicinity and had no pressing need to return still result in the destruction of the property by your hand in a relatively short period of time (several days) after or would you change targets if you still wanted to burn things?
4. How frequently have you had your accelerant, your matches, your target and the building was not destroyed quite quickly?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
1. No.
2. N/A.
3. N/A
4. N/A
Thank you, sir.
Would you provide examples of ways in which plans alter?
I wouldn’t consider the girls to have “altered” plans so much as a commercial break before returning to the program.
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
Where I decide to change them.
Thank you, sir.
There is no description of the kiss with the third girl, unless it did not occur.
One of the stupidest competitions I’ve ever heard of. But yes, at that age I also participated in, and even originated, most of the stupid things we did. It’s amazing that kids were in on this nonsense I was making up. Interestingly, some of these “games” required the participants to strip naked – although they were absolutely not related to physical contact or sexuality. We simply took off our clothes and naturally engaged in all sorts of fun.
I take back my words. It reminded me of a bet, where I did a much stupider thing. Total nonsense.
—–
The miniature resembles dark characters from computer games. It’s surprising, that people have been visualizing the devil and other figures from the underworld in a similar way for centuries.
Scares, costumes, artifacts, horror movies and other nonsense, as if for little children (the world is terribly infantile, when it comes to fear and symbols) – while real hell is the one that one person can do to another person. What is happening now, at this moment – someone is being murdered, someone is being tortured, someone is being raped, someone is being beaten and degraded. Someone at this very moment is facing the pain of losing a child, and someone is balancing on the edge of life and death, seeing no reason to stay here anymore, not finding even the smallest spark, the faintest ray of light…
There is so much lack of ordinary warm gestures, that a person selflessly gives to another person.
—–
As usual, I feel sorry for all the small animals, rodents and insects that burned in this fire.
I’d rather not ask if there were any stray people there…
—–
A bon-fire – only for recreation, so that I can roast a sausage on a stick under the starry sky (I love it when it’s burnt, burnt, black) and roast potatoes in the embers (and then, from charred vegetable, scoop out the delicious hot center and sprinkle it with salt). Yummy 🙂
This thought warmed me! A combination of gluttony and relaxation 🙂
‘As usual, I feel sorry for all the small animals, rodents and insects that burned in this fire.’
It is an unfortunate fact that the smaller a living creature is, the less likely its life will be taken into account and protected. We kill so many creatures in the regular course of our lives, often with no ill intent just because we can’t see them or from an assumption they will try to hurt us. When I walk down a random path not only do I squash ants I could see if I crouched down or snails I could see if it were not dark I also crush innumerable exceedingly small beasties I’d need a magnifying glass or even a microscope to see.
HG states he does not intentionally hurt animals and for unintentional hurt he’d likely be similar to many, many people who would not worry about a loss of spiders, cockroaches or tiny animals hiding in roof spaces.
‘I’d rather not ask if there were any stray people there…’
This implies HG might be prepared to kill a person who happened to be in the hut. He describes his inspection in part to demonstrate the hut is empty of any person and his check of every room helps both him and the readers understand that the hut is empty.
He has spoken in the past of his attitude to killing people. He can do it, and it doesn’t faze him, but he doesn’t do it unless he has a reason to do so – a good reason which outweighs or counters or avoids the drawbacks and consequences. He has never spoken of killing a random person who did nothing wrong and who just happened to be in the wrong place or who mildly annoyed him or whose death would’ve merely entertained him.
There are psychopaths who would do that but the evidence I have seen so far suggests that HG is not that kind of psychopath.
In this series of articles seems to be showing us that he explores ways to sate his desire for destruction, including fiery destruction, through methods that generate a spectacle but don’t cause unnecessary suffering.
And to address some other comments on this story, yes it is arson. Yes it is property damage. Someone would own the hut. I own a shed. It houses odds and ends from my life. If it burnt down I would be a little frustrated but it’d be fairly insignificant in the grand scheme of what I value. The choice of this particular hut reads to me as a part of an attempt on HGs part to minimise the effects of a big conflagration on others.
Annaamel, this is how I look at the world. The world is not only a world of people. At the same time, there are many worlds, some of which you can notice, if you stop for a moment. They are so interesting, I like to “immerse myself” in them. These worlds are no less important than ours. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a short-sighted idiot. A system of communicating vessels, one influencing the other.
These worlds often overlap and collide with each other. We have no influence on this.
But I try not to interfere too aggressively or unnecessarily. I only take, what is really necessary.
Therefore, when walking along a forest path, I will avoid a clump of flowers, I will not senselessly pluck leaves or trample on a beautiful carpet of moss. I will shout at you and physically stop you, when – just out of boredom – you want to stomp on a bug (regardless of who you are and what situation we are in).
It’s nothing. It’s for free. I think it’s a normal thing.
—–
As for the second part of your statement, HG’s next text, in which he thought about a homeless person, contradicts this (I saw your statement only now.)
“As usual, I feel sorry for all the small animals, rodents and insects that burned in this fire.”
Interesting.
So I must assume that you have never extinct insects and small/large animals by the way of your consumption and lifestyle choices. That your clothing, your shoes, your furniture, your technological devices are 100% made of organic materials and during the manufacturing no polluting and extinctive results occurred which damaged the biodiversity of this planet. I assume that your purest values and moral codes don’t allow you to buy and eat animals from cruel intensive animal husbandry and you only buy from local farmers where animals are held ethically. And that the veggies and fruits you buy are grown via organic methods where insects and little animals can survive and the health of plants, air and water prevails. I assume it’s even better than this and you made it your goal in life to grow your own food and by now you know all the intricacies of biodiversity of nature and how it works and thrives and on top of that you even contribute to biodiversity of plants, insect and animal life as you create an oasis for them in your daily doings and environnement.
I assume your waste percentage is zero because you found out all about zero-waste solutions and don’t produce waste anymore, which is otherwise dumped “out of sight out of mind” as well as into oceans and lakes and extinct marine organisms and poison the water.
And most of all I assume you teach the right things to the right people instead of feeling sorry for yourself and blaming others.
(Interesting red glitter there in your new neck picture…. the percentage of toxicity in such materials through its production and waste outcome and the deadly impact on marine organisms, insects and little animals is sometimes…. Well I hope there is enough “sorry” left.)
Jordyguin, yes, yes, these arguments are constantly repeated.
Some time ago, I wrote about it here on the blog. In short: I am not a vegan (like my sister), but I try to eat little meat and out of respect for an animal, that has already been killed (for my needs!), I will eat and use almost every part: heart, kidneys, liver, stomach, intestines, etc.
I am not an animal rescuer like my sister, who devotes a lot of her energy, strength, financial resources and life to this. But I understand her pain and despair. I help in an area, that doesn’t burden me that much.
As for the rest – yes, I try to live rationally and modestly. Consumerism? I’m certainly not in danger 🙂
No, I don’t feel sorry for myself and I don’t blame anyone. I only write, that I felt sorry for the small animals, rodents and insects that burned in the fire caused by humans hand. That’s all.
I’ll surprise you – sometimes I feel sorry for the tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers and radishes, that I cut… and especially the torn lettuce! 🙂 Barbarity! 🙂
—–
The photo, you are writing, about is taken by one of my favorite photographers. I deliberately placed them on my profiles during the Christmas period – the crumpled, red cellophane instead of a collar symbolized, what I think about Christmas – that it is a period of kitsch, unnecessary consumerism, joy in nothing (unless you are deeply religious) and general stupidity 🙂 This is also the period, when a cut Christmas tree placed in the house is called a “live Christmas tree”, and many animals go under the knife (and end up in the garbage). So, this collar was a perfect fit.
Well, no one should apologize for their views and way of life if they do not harm others.
This is very exciting! I’m on the edge of my seat.