Psychopathy : Boredom
Boredom lurks.
. It is a state of existence that wishes to become all too familiar to me, as if it were an unwelcome but inevitable companion. I will never let it be that companion. It is quick to make its presence known, descending with undue haste to wrap its beige being about me, reducing the remarkable to the mundane. What began as scintillating becomes soporific. I find it fascinating (at least for a time) that there are those who sit slack-jawed watching the same events pass around them, the same faces, the same words and the same dull,dull, dull behaviours. How have they such a tolerance for the tedious? They rise into a world that was exactly the same as the day before and the day before that and it will continue with such mind-numbing lifelessness as they hurtle into the humdrum.
Boredom appears and with predictable monotony and seeks to settle into every corner of my mind, like a thick fog that weighs down my thoughts and stifles any sparks of interest or enthusiasm. It renders the passing of time as an interminable stretch, removing any sense of urgency or purpose that usually propels me forward.
It will, if I lower my guard and allow it supremacy, take hold of my senses without any apparent rhyme or reason, causing me to question the very notion of purpose and productivity. It’s as if the world around me is a vast stage, but I find myself without a script or a role to play.
As the hours stretch on, my mind wanders to motivations and desires. The tumbling cascade of thoughts and wants that are necessary to stave off this boredom. Such is my remarkable nature that I have so many options, so many opportunities wherein I can seek out the fresh, the invigorating and cast asunder the advancing creep of boredom. Yet, it is like a relentless tide for no sooner have I alleviated the tedium that it starts to make its presence felt once more and thus I seek out a differing taste, a new sight, an unfamiliar sound or an altogether unexperienced occasion. How do the lower orders survive without such a lively mind and access to opportunity? Have they evolved differently? Are they content with the monotone? Is it somehow comforting and familiar to them? How can they not want to change, to disrupt, to alleviate, to mix-up, to explode? How is it that they are content to sit like sacks of supine drudgery, gawping at the same world around them? How can it be that there is no chaos engine within them that seeks to matter?
Boredom wriggles through any cracks in my psyche, settling in as though it were entitled to being present. It is an emotion that resists my attempts to engage with it; instead, it prefers to linger in the background, taunting my desire for stimulation. Bring me sweet salvation through stimulation for I have become a master of it. I seek it, drive it, create it.
I notice the disinterest that accompanies boredom, as my gaze wanders aimlessly and my attention drifts from one mundane thing to another. The world loses its luster, and even the most captivating activities and experiences seem drab and unappealing. There is a curious numbness that pervades my perception, an indifference towards the once exciting and vibrant aspects of life. No, this is the grip of boredom once again trying to make me like all of them. I reject it. I will find the stimulation that I need, no matter what the cost.
In these moments, boredom takes on a peculiar duality. It is both an absence of stimulation and a lack of emotional investment. It disconnects me from the present, obscuring any opportunities for connection or engagement. And yet, it is also a reminder that I am free to roam in the vast expanse of my own thoughts, unburdened by external demands or expectations.
Boredom, in its peculiar way, serves as an invitation to explore the limits of my own mental landscape. It sets the stage, creative breakthroughs. I find opportunity in the idea that boredom as for me as catalyst for renewed inspiration or merited discoveries.
I refuse to accept that boredom is a natural part of the human experience, a companion that arrives unannounced and leaves just as silently. I acknowledge its presence, observe its impact,elsewhere and now ensure I bring about the inevitability of its eventual departure.
I observe boredom with judgement and complete resistance. I see it as a temporary state, a passing phase that must not be allowed to settle on me, for others it is simply an intrinsic part of life., for them it is a reminder that not every moment will be filled with excitement or purpose and that is why I have never been like the lower orders.
I am able to see beyond the surface level discomfort that boredom can bring. Instead of feeling frustrated or restless, I am able to embrace the necessity of driving forward, of bringing forth stimulation, often through the playing of games using those appliances that I find around me. The lurking nature of boredom means that the games must always be played and I am the player of those games, stimulated, enriched and invigorated. With boredom dispelled, I am surging, tearing my way through the world around me, drawing in, consuming and jettisoning, all in the name of stimulation.
Boredom also presents an opportunity for me to exercise my creativity. In the absence of external stimuli, I can delve into the vast expanse of my imagination. I find myself exploring new ideas, engaging in artistic expression, or seeking out new hobbies to alleviate the monotony. This detached perspective allows me to detach myself from the weight of boredom and approach it as an opportunity for intellectual exploration. I have no emotional attachment to anybody. I have no care or concern for them. Worry is a stranger in my land. This absence of connection to others frees up so much time for me for I need not channel my assets towards people save where I deem it some great reward for me. Unburdened by the compassion and care of emotional empathy, I am freed and given so much more, but with that comes the prospect of boredom. Thus, I must preserve my freedom through the pursuit of stimulation.
Boredom comes and boredom must be repelled for it is entirely true that since boredom must not be allowed to take root within me, I must neither be bored or boring.
29 thoughts on “Psychopathy : Boredom”
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How do you manage to see the same band playing essentially the same concert over and over again without being bored, especially as they do not have too many crying empaths in the lineup? (And how do your ears cope?)
I appreciate the way the songs are written and played which allows multiple listening. Some songs I have not listened to for some time as they have an extensive back catalogue (include remixes) and therefore there is much to choose from and revisit. They also change the set list. I also attend with different people. I attend in different cities, which adds to the variance too.
I take it you only listen to a song once then?
To be honest, these days I do not listen that much at all, because most of the time I am busy making music, and I can keep playing the same thing far more often without getting bored with it than listen, or I can change how I play it. I can listen to the right song repeatedly or even on a loop for a long time. If they vary the set list and play different pieces from the back catalogue, that is of course a different matter. Still, you’re more sensitive with regard to being bored than most people, so I am happy to hear that you can still be entertained by the same people whose work you have appreciated for so many years.
By the way, I had a funny experience concerning you and DM: I was watching your “Reach out” guitar video when that came out, and I had the sound on low. At this exact moment there was an ad on tv which used “Oh l’amour” for music, and I kid you not, the rhythm perfectly matched what you were playing (must have been an altered version, I think the Erasure original has a slightly different tempo). The only thing missing would have been for you to lift your head and break out into “Oh, l’amour”. The fact that a) you would never do that and also that b) you are far too masculine made it all the more amusing. (Feel free to edit this last bit out!)
I would have belted out “A Little Respect”.
You mean you want to discover a little something to make you sweeter? Oh baby, please!
HG,
If it was for a precise person tell her straightforwardly.
So she surely would have expressed “A little respect”.
Don’t give illusions to persons you already know wouldn’t have your romantic favours. Otherwise as you teach yourself, it’s playing with hope and the feelings of others.
About DM: All the last studies in term of connections between personality types and music preferences have shown Empaths type would prefer poetic songs, electronic music, emotional or deeply emotional, even saddening:
The definition itself of Depeche Mode!
Other personality types would prefer dissonances, experimental jazz, strong, exciting and positive rythms.
It would be loud and heavy (metal) for the extreme type.
Each Depeche Mode concert is for you a harvest festival!
Thanks for the videos last night.
*Tell her or tell him!
Dear HG,
all of us here are direct beneficiaries of your fight against the boredom, so thank you for taking this particular path and sharing your creativity and thoughts with us. Boredom obviously has its uses if it helps produce all of this. From an egotistical viewpoint, one would be tempted to say you should be bored more often.
As you say, without the emotional attachment and time invested in relationships you are bound to have more time to get bored in, then again you are spared some of the boredom that relatives can induce who tell the same stories every single time you meet them, no matter how many months have passed. It always astonishes me how some people manage to experience absolutely nothing new or interesting. Even if they have, they seem to not take anything from the experience except how the food tasted nothing like what they eat at home.
Yet sometimes there can be unexpected rewards to giving a bit of yourself to others, and I do not just mean on an emotional level as in warm and fuzzy feelings (which you would not have to the same degree anyway), but tangible benefits as well. I would not want you to miss out on something good because you might have given more weight to the cost side of the analysis, when giving a comparatively small input will often produce a considerable return.
I remember hearing a famous serial killer say, (I don’t remember which one) that only murder alleviated his boredom, after his boredom reaches a certain pitch.
I listened to this last on YouTube.
HG, your voice calms me and allows me to relax. It sends me to sleep.
HG,
You’ve suggested that as a hybrid narcissist/psychopath your narcissism can rein in your psychopathy. It has different drivers and aims and if these clash then the narcissism’s needs could or would often win out.
Would your narcissism drive you to tolerate boredom (that a pure psychopath would find challenging to manage) if it meant you would gain the prime aims – control, fuel, residual benefits or character traits?
High level executive functioning would enable you to avoid focusing on the discomfort from the boredom and maintain focus on the long term benefits and view them as outweighing the short term frustrations.
I did not state that my narcissism reins in my psychopathy.
Boredom does not lend itself to the prime aims.
This is interesting. I don’t have enough time to get bored, if I did, it i would be easy to find something to do that is not boring for me. I don’t worry about being boring, that is a problem for others, if they find me so. Reading this it seems that boredom is almost scary, a thing to be avoided at all costs. Knowing there is no fear, scary isn’t the right word but still, a thing to be avoided. With all the busy-ness of your life HG, it is also interesting that boredom can still occur, as if the things you fill your time with are not really fulfilling, instead burning things and so on is where the is fulfillment. Thank you for sharing this.
Yes, the most interesting, developmental ideas and beneficial objects arise from boredom and the need to counteract it.
Even when I’m not doing anything, I’m always on the move. It’s not monotony.
What’s boring is just an empty head, without any deeper thoughts, focused on: eating, drinking, sleeping, making money, having fun on the weekend. Although probably “happier”.
There are people who do not interest me at all and those who interest me greatly. Nevertheless, there come times when I get bored with everyone, even the most intriguing ones. It is not dependent on this person – it is the result of my internal states. Fortunately, it always passes. All it takes is a spark to ignite the fire again.
Forgot to breathe, reading this!! You’re on a whole different level of ’alive’!
Mr. Tudor,
Thank you for sharing how boredom affects you. The monotonous, mundane, humdrum & tediousness doesn’t feel the same to me. I don’t feel the discomfort you feel from the boredom. For me the boredom feels calm. May I ask, why are you uncomfortable with the boredom? Does it have to do with the creature?
That is explained in the piece you have written.
No, it is not to do with the Creature.
Dear HG,
I hate being bored because I like to stay busy, doing something, anything to distract myself from my mind wondering to things I shouldn’t be reliving ,thinking about or considering. Xx
Thank you for your response, Mr. Tudor. I had wondered if the Creature taunted you when you’re bored and that’s why it caused you discomfort.
HG on my own I am never bored and my profession is too challenging to be bored. I have felt bored when trapped in a classroom with a boring lecturer or a long church sermon as a child. I wonder if empaths are the opposite to narcissists and psychopaths in that they are not prone to boredom and why. With you my instinct is after a public school higher education then an insatiable need and desire to see the world and wide range delving including jounalism, military interests and economics, a plunge into a variety of women and types ( by the way none of your IPSS are the same style, flavor or type) that you have hit the upper midrange of your life and have delved into your legacy which like your other interests including music is filled to the brim. You might have seen it all, done it all and experi need an abundance so great it’s hard to top. This, your boredom is another’s wet dream or lifetime one of a kind experience. Agree?
You aren’t your typical psychopath. Psychopaths are often known to experience a reduced capacity for experiencing emotions and empathy compared to the general population.
Boredom is often associated with a lack of stimulation or a feeling of disinterest in one’s environment or activities.
But I could be wrong….
Hi Contagious,
I tend to get bored quickly if the environment is wrong. Bad lighting or being engulfed in awful things drains me of the will to live. Don’t get me started on typical department store shopping for women’s clothes. So much nothing happening all around. And the people who hold the garage sales I’ve been dragged to need to be hung by their thumbs.
HG,
Thank-you for sharing regarding your inner boredom.
I kind of agree with Leigh – at least post-entanglement and it’s associated instability – some “sameness” is welcome and calming. But then, I don’t think I get the opportunity to feel bored, as I never have time to do all the things that I want to.
“This absence of connection to others frees up so much time for me for I need not channel my assets towards people save where I deem it some great reward for me. Unburdened by the compassion and care of emotional empathy, I am freed and given so much more, but with that comes the prospect of boredom.”
I would agree that empathy and connection to others takes up a lot of time and even though that can have its own rewards, I am a little envious of your above position.
I also wanted to say – Congratulations!!! I was watching for it and saw this morning that you hit 200k subscribers on YT!
The psychopath has limited range of emotions and emotional intensity. It’s called shallow affect. They therefore don’t get enjoyment out of typical activities. They often seek out risky or thrill seeking activities to lessen feelings of ennui such as walking across a lake and risking it breaking. Hmmmmmmm. It might not be the motive for going there. I want to go there! lol but it would explain the risk. They are also impulsive and seek out immediate gratification so if it isn’t immediate, it could lead to boredom. I am sure there are others …. But the creature is related to narcissism as I have learned from the number one expert in narcissism HG;)
Thank you, Contagious. Sometimes I need to be banged over the head for things to sink in, lol.
Yes, the Creature is related to narcissism but considering that Mr. Tudor is a narcissistic psychopath, he does have the Creature too. I thought maybe the Creature taunted him in times of boredom.
If I’m finally understanding it correctly, boredom causes restlessness and that must be alleviated or avoided. I don’t experience restlessness from boredom so I think that’s the piece I was missing. I actually feel restlessness in chaos.
Hi Leigh,
It’s weird, I feel restlessness when I’m bored, it’s kinda painful for me to be bored. I am a HSP and like to keep my mind busy and body moving, but chaos is more familiar, puts me on edge and it also clears my head, fight mode kicks in for me, usually verbal fighting mode. I don’t understand how i can grow more calm in chaos, except maybe it’s where I grew up. Xx
Dear HG,
I wonder about myself sometimes, like why do I expect the negative to happen often with me? Would love to know why. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I think I may be interpreting Mr. Tudor’s article differently then others. I wasn’t thinking that he was referring to inactivity but more along the lines of not being excited or fulfilled. Mr. Tudor is always busy but it’s still not enough.
I live a very simple life but it’s still very active. I was thinking that Mr. Tudor doesn’t like simple. It’s too mundane, monotonous and tedious for him. For me, monotonous means stability.
Before I knew about narcissism, when I was inactive it would cause restlessness in me also. But I wasn’t restless because of my simple life. I like simple because its consistent.
Yes, I know what you mean about being calm in the chaos. I can remain calm too because i have to fix whatever the narcissist just did. Thats incredibly draining though.
Now I just want calm and have learned to accept the inactivity when it happens. Sometimes it can still cause restlessness but I just push through it.
I feel restlessness in freedom, calm, peace. Like a kick to adventure. I look at boredom as a luxury. Too busy.
Indeed. Adrenaline kicks.
Roller coasters
Para jumping
Not all have to have a risk of death
Cheap thrills
I love the word ennui
Contagious the post is very good indeed
Psychopaths and sociopaths do not need fuel like narcissists do though
In fact many prefer being alone as they find people tedious and annoying
These glimpses into your psychpathy are really fascinating. I’m getting spoiled. Other minds I once found stimulating are feeling a bit smooth.