Psychopathy : Boredom
Boredom lurks.
. It is a state of existence that wishes to become all too familiar to me, as if it were an unwelcome but inevitable companion. I will never let it be that companion. It is quick to make its presence known, descending with undue haste to wrap its beige being about me, reducing the remarkable to the mundane. What began as scintillating becomes soporific. I find it fascinating (at least for a time) that there are those who sit slack-jawed watching the same events pass around them, the same faces, the same words and the same dull,dull, dull behaviours. How have they such a tolerance for the tedious? They rise into a world that was exactly the same as the day before and the day before that and it will continue with such mind-numbing lifelessness as they hurtle into the humdrum.
Boredom appears and with predictable monotony and seeks to settle into every corner of my mind, like a thick fog that weighs down my thoughts and stifles any sparks of interest or enthusiasm. It renders the passing of time as an interminable stretch, removing any sense of urgency or purpose that usually propels me forward.
It will, if I lower my guard and allow it supremacy, take hold of my senses without any apparent rhyme or reason, causing me to question the very notion of purpose and productivity. It’s as if the world around me is a vast stage, but I find myself without a script or a role to play.
As the hours stretch on, my mind wanders to motivations and desires. The tumbling cascade of thoughts and wants that are necessary to stave off this boredom. Such is my remarkable nature that I have so many options, so many opportunities wherein I can seek out the fresh, the invigorating and cast asunder the advancing creep of boredom. Yet, it is like a relentless tide for no sooner have I alleviated the tedium that it starts to make its presence felt once more and thus I seek out a differing taste, a new sight, an unfamiliar sound or an altogether unexperienced occasion. How do the lower orders survive without such a lively mind and access to opportunity? Have they evolved differently? Are they content with the monotone? Is it somehow comforting and familiar to them? How can they not want to change, to disrupt, to alleviate, to mix-up, to explode? How is it that they are content to sit like sacks of supine drudgery, gawping at the same world around them? How can it be that there is no chaos engine within them that seeks to matter?
Boredom wriggles through any cracks in my psyche, settling in as though it were entitled to being present. It is an emotion that resists my attempts to engage with it; instead, it prefers to linger in the background, taunting my desire for stimulation. Bring me sweet salvation through stimulation for I have become a master of it. I seek it, drive it, create it.
I notice the disinterest that accompanies boredom, as my gaze wanders aimlessly and my attention drifts from one mundane thing to another. The world loses its luster, and even the most captivating activities and experiences seem drab and unappealing. There is a curious numbness that pervades my perception, an indifference towards the once exciting and vibrant aspects of life. No, this is the grip of boredom once again trying to make me like all of them. I reject it. I will find the stimulation that I need, no matter what the cost.
In these moments, boredom takes on a peculiar duality. It is both an absence of stimulation and a lack of emotional investment. It disconnects me from the present, obscuring any opportunities for connection or engagement. And yet, it is also a reminder that I am free to roam in the vast expanse of my own thoughts, unburdened by external demands or expectations.
Boredom, in its peculiar way, serves as an invitation to explore the limits of my own mental landscape. It sets the stage, creative breakthroughs. I find opportunity in the idea that boredom as for me as catalyst for renewed inspiration or merited discoveries.
I refuse to accept that boredom is a natural part of the human experience, a companion that arrives unannounced and leaves just as silently. I acknowledge its presence, observe its impact,elsewhere and now ensure I bring about the inevitability of its eventual departure.
I observe boredom with judgement and complete resistance. I see it as a temporary state, a passing phase that must not be allowed to settle on me, for others it is simply an intrinsic part of life., for them it is a reminder that not every moment will be filled with excitement or purpose and that is why I have never been like the lower orders.
I am able to see beyond the surface level discomfort that boredom can bring. Instead of feeling frustrated or restless, I am able to embrace the necessity of driving forward, of bringing forth stimulation, often through the playing of games using those appliances that I find around me. The lurking nature of boredom means that the games must always be played and I am the player of those games, stimulated, enriched and invigorated. With boredom dispelled, I am surging, tearing my way through the world around me, drawing in, consuming and jettisoning, all in the name of stimulation.
Boredom also presents an opportunity for me to exercise my creativity. In the absence of external stimuli, I can delve into the vast expanse of my imagination. I find myself exploring new ideas, engaging in artistic expression, or seeking out new hobbies to alleviate the monotony. This detached perspective allows me to detach myself from the weight of boredom and approach it as an opportunity for intellectual exploration. I have no emotional attachment to anybody. I have no care or concern for them. Worry is a stranger in my land. This absence of connection to others frees up so much time for me for I need not channel my assets towards people save where I deem it some great reward for me. Unburdened by the compassion and care of emotional empathy, I am freed and given so much more, but with that comes the prospect of boredom. Thus, I must preserve my freedom through the pursuit of stimulation.
Boredom comes and boredom must be repelled for it is entirely true that since boredom must not be allowed to take root within me, I must neither be bored or boring.
4 thoughts on “Psychopathy : Boredom”
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Take a typical bank robbery. The robbers coldly calculate to steal but the surveillance shows alarms, security. They plan knowing a bad outcome is possible. They arm themselves. They go to steal, an alarm gets tripped, the security guard has a gun, they are ready, they kill. Heat of the moment in defense. In the USA even the driver goes down for murder one. It’s probably people with ASPD ( think Robert hare or DSM criteria ) but are they psychopaths, sociopaths, ASPD or all or all at different times? Add the fact some are narcissists who are also psychopaths or narcissistic psychopaths? ( the same?) It’s so hard to tell when you look at the crime and what happened.
Hi H.G.:
I have watched your series, seen your delineation from hot and cold between sociopaths and psychopaths and read the DSM and ICM on it BUT ugh! I struggle and I guess doctors and different countries and popular cultures do too using different definitions. And that includes narcisstic psychopaths v psychopaths. Give an example: some say Ted Bundy was a narcissistic psychopath, some say psychopath. So while most of his killings were cold and calculated as he escalated, there were HOT spur of the moment killings where he randomly lost control and killed. It all falls under ASPD. But Robert Hares ASPD prisoners make up our jails and many aren’t killers. It’s harder to distinguish psychopaths v sociopaths or maybe just ASPD v them. Maybe they switch more. ??? Then take Ted Bundy, narcissism with psychopathy seems to be the diagnosis but how is that different from narcissistic psychopath or are they the same?. Which one dominates? Is it always psychopathy? And popular literature like the sociopath next store has a nurse in it like Lucy letby but you call her a narcissist yet others diagnosed her narcissist and antisocial ( and some even borderline). You gave insight to her narcissism but I felt she had also she had a God complex over life and death over babies like a psychopath. I find psychopaths confusing. Very. My ex was diagnosed antisocial and he was a criminal who obsessed over money and although rich was not incredibly charming he feigned and somewhat acted a family man but he has none of the qualities of you such as appreciation of arts or beauty, he loves the MMA and boxing only.. …and to add confusion, I have read online some say ASPD is a spectrum with psychopaths being the top??? I just think there is more to learn. Maybe by examples or maybe this group switches a lot between categories or has a higher co- morbidity rate likes Santa it’s so pure is rarer????
Hello H.G.: I got nonce error 3 times so I hope my questions don’t get repeated. Anyway, I get oddly calm in a dangerous crisis. I am not a psychopath so I have some questions. First, let me tell you the scenarios where I was oddly calm, almost slow motion as if I am there but not.
1. In law school my neighbor got attacked by a serial rapist at night. My roommate hid when the screaming started. My window was 5 feet away from hers. I got up and called the police and then opened my window yelling “ Claire! I called the police! They are here!” Sure enough the man in a ski mask ran holding a knife and phone cord. Claire was lucky she slept with a blade under her pillow. He was lucky it wasn’t a gun. He went to jail. He would rape women and leave a rose. Lots of media on it. Calm.
2. When a teen and lived in Philly a man held a knife to my throat and cut my gold necklace off at night. Calm.
3. When 20 as a student in Manchester, I went to Ireland and to a pub in Dublin with a gf at 10 pm. These rough looking men with blue tattoos came in and dropped their pants putting their maleness on the table and saying they would “ groom us” Among what was obvious American slurs. My gf jumped up and screamed at them, I told her to shut up and pushed her into her chair saying they came for drinks once they get them let’s run ! I got up when they were drinking and playing darts. I didn’t understand them. IRA? I asked the bartender for the phone and he pulled it away. We ran for the exit, they chased us but we made it safe. Calm.
4. This weekend a woman was screaming her head off in the sea bluffs by my house. I called the police who said they were “ aware of it.” I went to sleep but two hours later she was still screaming. I thought someone must do something so I took my dog and protection and walked down the lot street and spotted her. She looked like a skeleton on drugs and said she was hungry. I got her food and when I gave it to her the police were there. Calm. I am the same with blood and guts scenarios even my own.
1. So is this how psychopaths feel?
2. Is my reaction normal? Maybe shock?
3. Is this a contagion thing?
4. I imagine empath and normal EMTs exist and I know from working at the DA on a murder case you can get trained or desensitized to violence … do you think psychopaths have this lack of fear from unstable childhoods or is it DNA or both?
A lot of my brother’s behaviors, that upset me the most, were him allievating his boredom. For example: He would walk from the back door, to the front door, with mud caked on his shoes. It looked like a Clydesdale left street apples, from the back door, to the front door. I would be shocked and mad, when I looked at the mess! He would look at me in bewilderment, wondering why I was so mad.
I believed, at the time, that he didn’t get it because he acted very confused. I believed his act and he enjoyed watching my reactions. He would do things like that and act innocent, he was bored and wanted to have some fun with me. He was a psychopath, took the NDC on him.
It wasn’t until the NDC results, that his behaviors made sense. He was bored, so much was done because he was bored.
I recall my mother in law telling him, he needed “special help” and he got angry with her and insulted. He said, “she thinks I’m stupid! I’m not stupid!” I let him rant about it.
He wasn’t stupid, I often watched him take electronics apart and put them back together to make a combined electronic that worked better….that showed his intelligence.
I see now how his behaviors were manipulations to allievate his boredom. He didn’t follow rules because he was above the rules, in his mind. He felt completely at ease taking stuff that wasn’t his, walking in to people’s houses without notice or consent.
I was his favorite target for boredom relief, my reactions gave him the most thrills and laughs. I remember he would laugh, whenever I would snap on him after he had annoyed me to my limit….all because he was bored.
He would irritating the hell out of me, some days, be fun, adventurous with me other days. I still miss him, I still love him, he still was my brother, psychopath and all. Xx