8 Common Things Narcissists Say To Control You
4 thoughts on “8 Common Things Narcissists Say To Control You”
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March 4, 2026
We broke up. Fine. I’m moving on. Why, ffs, after 3 days of silence, accuse me of smth I haven’t done! Ofc I lashed out.
And this morning, again a fight, many texts. I was late for work. Some of them:
“you have some serious problems withyourself. I was telling you few times exactly the same things and you still not understand it or believed it.”
“nothing that you have wroted above is true”
“and you treated it like an attack instead of normal adult conversation. Again i didnt do anything beside sharing my what i was thinking and you again missunderstand me and treated it like an attack.”
“what is wrong with you”
“you now corssed line”
NO, I’M NOT FUCKING CRAZY! OR MAYBE I AM? I DON’T KNOW ALREADY.
I’m flying to Kuala Lumpur via Beijing tomorrow for the work related workshop. I need to finish things today and pack, fill out visa forms. I need a clear head. Not this mind fuckery. It hurts. I think now it’s finally over. I can focus on other stuff.
Ah yes, “What is wrong with you” – a classic.
Arya, lovely, he has access to you. He has the privilege of being afforded contact because you are enabling it by not blocking him. If you read his texts, they will provoke you and ruin your day, even if you do not respond and only read them.
The texts he writes all carry the same message: he is saying that you are the problem and he is innocent.
His texts are a malign hoover. He is accusing you. There is no adult communication anywhere near it. The man is a boy. Block.
Do not let the texts provoke you and activate your justice seeker traits, where you feel the need to defend or explain yourself to a man-child who has not developed psychologically in proportion to his physical appearance.
As long as he has access to you, it will not stop. He will continue. It will become the alternation between malign and benign hoovers. One day he accuses you, the next day he may ask for forgiveness, the third day he uses self pity to make you feel sorry for him, and then he remembers again that you are the problem.
If his awareness is such that he did not change when you explained things to him and gave him chances to adjust for a better, more balanced relationship dynamic, and he still did not see it and apply it, then he has limitations. Nothing good will grow from that. Only annoyance and frustration caused by the difficulty of the relationship.
And Arya, I must add that I feel guilty for often discussing the narcissist on the blog as someone who has access to the possibility of realisation, making it appear as if it is easy to simply recognise what is causing the problem and, if he or she understands it, then adjust and change for their own benefit and the benefit of others.
Of course that is not how it works when people have functioned in only one way since childhood, strengthening one mechanism of interaction and one perception of the world.
And it is definitely not love, another person, holy intervention, or the idea of becoming a better version of oneself that motivates adjustment or change of behaviour for the benefit of humanity. The upbringing of self centrism in our cultures is not wired for that. A debris of accumulated perceptual junk has grown so thick that even people with awareness experience enormous difficulty adjusting and changing, even when they want to. Change in perception and behaviour is almost a heroic act and often feels nearly impossible for any type of individual.
Again, there are some truly powerful individuals who influence the direction of humanity towards understanding and change. They are extremely disciplined, fearless and possess immense intellectual capacity. They can reach people’s minds and hearts. Yet what they actually do is strengthen what is already present within individuals. They are not adding something new. Certain people simply arrive with potential that cannot easily be swayed and only need a reminder and reassurance in their inherent abilities and power that were always there.
Some people link together and create new outcomes. By changing the way they themselves function amongst predators or unaware individuals.
In other words, you decide where to pour your energy. By staying with people who have identified themselves as incapable of linking together for a beneficial path, whether in a relationship, work or friendship, you may only waste your time on this planet. It is often more beneficial simply to walk away silently from such circumstances, not by dehumanising difficult people, but by realising that you are trying to plant a seed in cement rather than in soil.
Although cement is made from natural raw materials, it is produced by heating those ingredients at very high temperatures. Metaphorically speaking, some individuals are baked through conditioning and become cement for their entire lives. The intensive chemical and physical process alters them profoundly. A seed of understanding cannot grow in such a surface.
It is sad to accept this. Yet it is also sad when the potential of the soil individuals, so to speak, is never accessed and no seed of beneficial growth is planted in relationships with them.