Category Archives: Seduction

Just The One Time

Remember when you would wake up and reach for your mobile ‘phone and find that loving and uplifting message that I had sent you? I always rose before you and ensured that a delicious, tantalising text was sent to you ready for when you woke. Like a morning cup of tea on your night stand it was that little gesture which made you feel special. It told you that the first thing that I thought of when I woke up was you. This message of love, desire, passions and excitement would provide you with the first buzz of the day, a delicious reminder of how wonderful I am and how marvellous we are together. The first text of the deluge that would follow throughout the day, scores of little gift-wrapped presents which you open and smile, laugh and melt over. Little did you realise that these messages had been recycled from your predecessor and would be used again for your replacement. Little did you also realise that two other people were receiving these messages first thing in the morning.

Now there is nothing. There is no chime of that early morning text. There is no winking light denoting the text waiting for you to open it. It is silence. As your eyes open, the conditioning that I caused makes you immediately remember how you used to feel when that text arrived. Where once you woke with excitement in your stomach now it is just the sharp stab of pain as you know there is nothing waiting for you. You understand this is how it should be, the need to stay away from me, but it hurts. It hurts so much and how long will this pain remain with you? Will it ever go away? Those months of daily morning texts has ingrained a pattern and a longing inside you and no matter how hard you try the first thought of your day is always

“Four months ago he was still sending me those wonderful texts.” Last month it was the same sentence only it began with three. You roll on to your back and though you know you shouldn’t, you cannot help but allow me into your mind even further as you recall those mornings where we ended up late for work because of our passionate love-making. That quick dart to the en suite and then back into bed where I was waiting for you. You turn and look at the empty pillow and that all too familiar bitter sweet sensations sweeps across you. You know you should not do this. You know you ought now to seek refuge amongst the ghosts of once what was, but it makes the pain lessen, just for a while and it is just a memory isn’t it, thinking about me just the one time cannot do any harm can it? Just the one time. You give a twisted smile at that sentence which has somehow become your daily mantra as you struggle to escape the toxins that I have left inside you, the legacy of my oh so effective seduction and poisoning of you. Just the one time you check on my tweets and who is following me and who I am following. Just the one time you parked near where I lived and watched slumped in your driver’s seat to see who might appear at my door. Just the one time you sent a friend to watch me at an event you knew I would be attended and to report back on what she saw. Just the one time you re-read the e-mails I sent you. It was just the one time for them all and more, well one time a week then one time a day, but I dont know what you are doing do I, so where is the harm? Just the one time you return to my Facebook profile, scouring it, looking for clues like some desperate detective intent on tracking down the prolific killer. You check what I have liked, a picture here, a comment there, some meme about relationships which could be a dig at you but you are not sure. Any trace of you has been erased from my profile, gone are the messages, the comments and the pictures. Somebody else is there now, although there is some ambiguity. A red-headed woman appears in several pictures, laughing with me. You see one where her arms is draped around my shoulders and you feel the burning jealousy and anger and curse both you and I for this feeling. You fling your tablet to one side, muttering under your breath, just the one look having derailed your day before it has begun and vow not to look again. But you will. Just one look. A journey through the carousel of pictures, checking fingers to see if rings have appeared on them, of both me (it would be awful to see that rings on my wedding finger, something I always denied you) and of the women I pose with (it makes you feel sort of better if they wear a ring, that means that they won’t be with me, doesn’t it?)

You skulk amongst my twitter posts and return to my profile on my work website, reading the biography which you know off by heart. Your fingers rest on my profile picture as you see again the tie which you bought me for that particular photo shoot. Some days you wish it would be updated and then others days this once look makes you feel that perhaps I do not hate you, how can I if I still allow this picture to remain? You try not to think about me but somehow your mind just wanders there of its own volition, snaking through a thousand memories that spring up each day. Perhaps you will stay awhile amidst them, just the once minute of remembering. At the weekend you drove out to the forest path we used to amble along during sunny September mornings. Nobody else was ever there. Just you and I. You walked that path again, it was just the one time you needed to do it, to converse with the ghost of my presence as you found yourself talking aloud to me as if I was still walking beside you, holding your hand. It was meant to be just the one time but you have returned three times since, each time swearing that this time is when you exorcise those spectres.

What am I doing now? No doubt getting ready for work, perhaps showering and singing away as I once did in the shower we shared. Am I with somebody? Is somebody preparing breakfast for me or reclining in bed waiting for me to return to the bedroom towel draped about me? It seems so long since you have heard from me and so much remains unanswered, unsaid and unresolved. How would I react if you rang me? You cannot bring yourself to delete my number, just in case there was that one final conversation which could take place and put so many issues to bed, slay so many demons and close so many doors. That would all that it would take surely? Just the one conversation. Keep it business like, keep your emotions in check but just to get some answers so you can move on. Surely that is owed to you? You wonder whether I would answer if you rang me? How would I react if I saw your number on the display? You doubt I have blocked you, why would I do that? Your fingers toy with your phone, you need to know, just the once, just to make the hurt go away. You find my name. You want to hear my voice again, talk and no more but you feel anxious and the trepidation crawls over you. You need to know. You need the answers. What about ringing me and then stopping before I answer to see if I call back? Yes, that is a good idea, that would then show that I do want to talk to you, without the fear of having me hang up on you. That’s it. You will telephone me again after these months of nothing and let it ring and then this ever present agony can be eased. The questions can be answered when I call you back. You will not melt into my arms again. No, you are going to resist those sweet charms because you know what lies behind them. You have earned your stripes in that regard but you need to have this conversation, for yourself. You need to know I will talk to you. A text message isn’t immediate enough. I might not see it for some time or delay in replying, but a missed call, that brings a potential for urgency and immediacy and I am bound to respond to that aren’t I. You will call me. You will call and let it ring. Just the one time.

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Closer To Heaven

youtube closer to heaven

 

It is testament to the intensity of our love-bombing, our seductive charade and the illusion that we create that you feel that we are heaven sent. Nobody compares to us either before after. Our love is like the sun. Vast, burning and immense, so bright and you, like most things on this planet, come to depend on it. The brilliance with which we make you ours by the carefully constructed and elegantly orchestrated ensnaring means you do not notice what is happening to you. All you know that is your dreams have come true. You are whisked off your feet, made to feel special and lifted up on high. And why not? You are indeed special to us. We chose you. From all those appliances out there, from the thousands upon thousands we targeted you, we researched you and we dedicated ourselves to capturing you. That is how special you are. You are particularly special because you are elevated to the position of being our primary source of fuel. What greater honour could my kind ever bestow on someone? You are my life blood. Without the fuel that you provide to me each and every day, succulent, potent and plentiful, I would no longer exist. No wonder I worship you when I first find you. You are the answer to my fears. The destruction of the construct is a terrifying matter to contemplate and I will do anything to ensure that this does not happen. You are instrumental in achieving this and it is through your fuel that I am not only able to exist but function, conquer and attract. You are so important to me that you provide the fuel that allows me to draw in even more fuel. You are the catalyst for all my endeavours, my machinations and my schemes. You are the driving force behind everything that I do, my successes, my ambitions and my achievements. It is because of you I am able to illuminate the world with my brilliance. Now do you understand why my seduction of you must be so absolute and intense? You are my saviour, you are everything that I need and accordingly I must capture you with all due expedience so that you are not plucked from my grasp by some other pretender. It is through you that I am able to transcend the mediocre and mundane, how those words make me shudder. My seduction is borne out of a great ravenous hunger. I need you. To acquire you I must take you closer to the heaven than you have ever been. Does it matter that I do so through the construct of an illusion so long as it serves that purpose to ensnare you? You are worshipped, adored and idealised – who would not want to be revered in such a manner and by one so talented as I? It is a match that was forged in heaven – you give me what I need and I give you what you desire. It makes perfect sense and this ideal matching of you and I must always come to pass. It is written in the stars above.

I pin all my hopes on you. I put every ounce of effort into acquiring you. I strain my sinews, polish my charm and burn brightly in the hope and expectation that you will provide me with the outstanding fuel. You do not disappoint. At least not at first. Yet, the time comes when the fuel sours and becomes stale and that is why my treatment becomes so awful and horrendous. My malice is driven by your failure. Our immortal union was in touching distance. I had you at the gates of heaven and all you needed to do was to keep supplying me with that wonderful fuel. I know you tried. Goodness knows you have told me often enough about all the things you have done and how you tried over and over again to make things work. You were not the only one you know. That sense of having been so close burns through me and the fury that is unleashed is so virulent I am unable to control it and thus it must be spewed over you, drowning you in my hatred, my bilious venom oozing across you, trickling into your open orifices as I seek to smother you in my cloying evil. You promised so much. That is why I promised so much in return. We got so near but then you faltered, you floundered and you failed and it all came crashing down. If there was a different way, if there was some alternative which meant I did not have to unleash hell against you, then perhaps that would be chosen instead but there is not. I know no other way than that which is meted out to you when it all comes crashing down. I cannot control it because you threaten my existence by your failure and I must turn to other means to secure and preserve my existence. I obtain other sources of my precious fuel to avoid my extinction from your negligence.

I wanted to give you the world. I wanted to take you to heaven and because of your failings we had never been closer to heaven and then we had never been further away. Why did you do it to me?

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The Ties That Bind

THE TIESTHAT BIND

 

One of our central aims when we have targeted you is to bind you to us. During our seduction we create this magical place and invite you and only you to inhabit it with us. We build a fantastic place and place you on a pedestal in the centre of this artifice. It is very difficult for you to realise this is a fallacy and even harder to do something about it. Every day, every hour that you remain close to our influence allows us to create more ties, more connections and increase the extent that you are bound to us. We make you feel fabulous, worshipped and loved. The dizzying, whirlwind nature of our passion is unlike anything else you have known and you readily accept it. It is of course not informed consent. You have no idea what we are, but nevertheless you accept all of this wonderful treatment. You allow us to permeate every aspect of your life. We draw you into ours and make you feel special and privileged for being allowed to do so. Consider how we penetrated your every network so everywhere you turned we were there.

We knew all your friends, we ingratiated ourselves with your family and got to meet your colleagues. We knew all the places you liked to go to and introduced you to some additional ones. We made sure we knew every favourite thing of yours, from books to plays to food. Your wine rack became stocked with the types of wine you preferred, your wear the jewellery that was bought for you after careful solicitation of what you deem pretty and I occasionally arrive bearing a new book from the stable of authors that you enjoy to read. Bit by bit I invade your life and as our relationship progresses at light speed, the gradual, creeping advance of my influence has actually gained more than a toehold. It has spread across your territory like some formidable weed that cannot be held back, covering and smothering. My clothes hang in the wardrobe, I have my favourite chair at your house, you now buy the cereal that I prefer to eat in the morning even though you think it is just a mouthful of sugar. You now wash my socks, my songs populate the iTunes playlist and the bathroom is testament to my occupation with the bottles, razors and accoutrements mingled amongst yours. You cannot fail to see my influence all around you, but you welcome this and from it you gain a great happiness. From dating, to staying over, to co-habiting and on to marriage, this inexorable march of sudden and frantic seduction, although this is only ever apparent with hindsight as at the time it was the right thing to do, results in our lives entwining as I wrap my tendrils around your life and drag you tight against me. So many links, connections, lines and ties between you and I.

These ties keep you in place despite the abuse that is to come. It is sudden and bewildering but you will not give up easily. Not only did you say those vows, you meant every word and we know this. You will not let what we have built up crumble to dust. Admirable as your fortitude may be, you may as well stand on a beach and command the tide to halt its own unceasing advance for all the good you will do. This will not stop you trying though. We know this. The ties are many and they are tight so you will not run for cover at the first administration of a silent treatment. You will not down tools and walk away when the shouting continues long into the night. You do not pack a bag and leave it in the hallway, sitting on the stairs as you wait for us to return, late at night, from whatever tryst we have been engaged in. You keep going, bound to the hope that everything will be good once more, that the golden period will return. You hang in there, you battle, you demonstrate misguided resolve as we lash out time and time again, drawing the negative fuel from your distress, dismay and disarray. You will not let go. The connections are too many. Our behaviour is reprehensible as we open up front after front after front against you, leaving you confused and crushed. We twist, blame, push and pull yet you will not waiver. No matter how many times we knock you to the floor you keep coming back for more, dragged back onto your feet by the ties that bind you to us.

Then one day you remove yourself from our toxic influence or in some instances you are removed. Those ties remain but there is an elasticity which allows you to escape us. To be taken away from the acidic words and viscious schemes. The insults, the violent rages, the isolation and the denigration may have been halted. You may no longer be subjected to being spat at, your hair pulled, your money withheld, your social interactions curtailed and your self-esteem trampled underfoot. You may have escaped the daily devaluations which came at you in so many different and unedifying ways but your ordeal is far from over.

You may not have our furious face shouting into yours anymore. You may not be sat cowering behind a locked bathroom door as we pound on it demanding you come out. You may not lie crying in a bed made to feel empty by our absence. You may not stand outside the study seeing the glow of the monitor within, under the door and wonder who we are engaging with online, that knotted sensation in your stomach inducing sickness. You may have escaped many of these manipulations but the ties that bind remain.

The bond we have created with you is so strong, so deep and so far-reaching that every day you will feel a vast void at being parted from us. You will excuse the abuse as you hanker for those golden days. You will feel like something has been ripped from you by our absence. Even though you know how terrible we have acted towards you, you will still suffer that sense of illogical loss. Every day feels empty. You wonder what we are doing, who we are with and whether we are thinking about you. You see our presence all around you still, people still ask about us, you collapse on to your bed burying your face in that t-shirt we kept under our pillow and you still smell us on it. You drink deep of the scent, hoping the nagging pain will recede, that somehow you will be magically restored to where we once both were, when we were happy. Your run your fingers over the tub of hair wax which we left and you remember watching us as we carefully applied it. You cannot bring yourself to discard it, clinging on to these reminders of the joy that once abounded in these walls. You pass the bookcase, touching the spines of the volumes we bought for you, the words and letters all further reminders of our presence here in this house. You miss us you miss us so much, you shouldn’t do, not after what we have done. Not after the vile treatments you have suffered. It makes no sense that you should feel this way but you do. You ache for us, the ties that remain are still being pulled and yanked, even though we are not there with you. The searing pain rises as another reminder appears, the tie still strong. Unlike an umbilical cord which provides life, your cord to us continues to pain you. When will this end? When will this agony recede and be replaced by something else? Would it now not even be better to feel nothing? To be numbed and anaesthetised so you do not have to endure this ongoing pain.

The bond we create with you is so powerful, so deep and so long lasting that it is often the aftermath of the ties that bind that hurts more than the abuse itself. That is how dangerous we are.

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LoveSex Addiction

lovesex

In many instances there is often the lament following discard (and even escape) that although your experience with our kind was horrendous beyond measure the sex was out of this world. You miss the sex to an incredible degree. The sex was mind-blowing, intense, hugely satisfying and unlike anything else you have known. Now I know this is not always the case, there are some of our kind who are not interested in sex and some who are useless at it and in those instances you have more than likely been ensnared by a Victim Narcissist. That is not the topic of discussion today. Today we focus on those of our kind who are the sexual Olympian who thrilled and delighted you between the sheets (and plenty of other places too). One of the reasons our kind uses sex as a weapon is because of the addictive quality that we create around the sexual experience you have with us. Why is sex with us so addictive? There are actually several reasons, but the one I wish to focus on today is the concept of LoveSex. This is the link between Love and Sex.

We do not dissuade you from making such a link. In fact we positively encourage you to do this. The way that we seduce you and the way that we love bomb you is designed to inject love into sex so that they effectively become indistinguishable from one another. We are fully aware that irrespective of how self-sufficient you may like to think that you are, how independently you might lead your life, you still have that desire for the white knight. Again, this relates to the way that you have been conditioned by society to regard love and romance. We know about this and exploit this. An honest examination of your thoughts and feelings will result in your admitting that at least on one occasion you have wanted that dashing knight to come riding in on his charger, sweep you in his arms and then take you through to the bedroom where he makes tender and delicious love to you. You have been conditioned to expect to be treated like a princess and we do this when we place you on that pedestal during our love bombing of you. Sex is no different. You want to be taken care of in the bedroom, loved and made to feel special. By providing all of this when we have sex with you then we are blurring the lines between sex and love, binding the two together. Since we are so magnificent in our delivery of delicious and rewarding sex then this entwined sex and love causes you to feel a very special kind of love, better than anything else you have experienced before. We apply all of the loving techniques when we have sex with you. The tender, romantic, slow and caring way we caress and hold you before easing into you all accords with this almost dream-like perception of how sex should be. We do however go further than this traditional model of the handsome prince making sweet, delicate love to his beautiful princess. When we suddenly take you from behind, hitch up your skirt and bend you over a worktop or the back of the settee and have vigorous sex with you we will look to ensure that this type of sex is entwined with love. How do we do this? With words of course. Words come easily to us and are cheap to use. So as we are hammering away and you are admittedly enjoying this spontaneous and energetic sex we will be telling you things such as:-

“I just had to have you. You were stood there and I was overwhelmed with love for you.”

“I love you so much I needed to have you there and then.”

“You do something to me that makes me almost lose control. That is how much I love you.”

“I am so in love with you I just needed to be inside you.”

“You make me crazy in love, I cannot help myself.”

We reinforce this urgent sex with being linked to just how powerful and amazing our love is. The sex itself feels fantastic and when you hear those magical words being said to you from behind the two are melded together. The sex could not be regarded as romantic but that does not matter. Such rampant desire for you to be taken in this manner can only be a symptom of our love for you. This reinforcement will happen over and over again. From the obvious slow, tender love-making through to the quick knee-trembler on a table through to you fellating us in a parked car, we will cause you to associate all of these sexual acts as being manifestations of our truly remarkable love. Eventually, the word sex becomes eroded and every time we do something which is sexual in nature it is seen as love. Everything we do together in the sexual arena is born of love, is because of love and is a manifestation of love.

You are unable to resist this blurring of the boundaries between love and sex. You are not able to prevent sex actually subsuming the notion of love and cloaking itself in the name of love. This lack of resistance happens for two reasons. Firstly, the nature of our sexual couplings with you is so intense and enjoyable you want them and you want them repeatedly. Secondly, aside from the use of sex as a weapon, during the seduction stage you are being love bombed on lots of different fronts. We are saying beautiful things to you, writing you poems and love letters, buying you gifts, taking you to special places, looking after you when you feel ill, introducing you to our friends and so on. This onslaught of loving behaviour magnifies what we are doing on the sexual side. You are surrounded by loving behaviour so that it permeates into everything that we do with you, including sex. Accordingly, over time sex and love become bound up together. The great sex we provide to you translates as the marvellous love that we have for you. Sex is love, love is sex and it feels amazing causing you to become addicted to the sensation. We create lovesex and it is a powerful way of creating an addiction in you.

Listen to ‘LoveSex Addiction’

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Shouldn’t Have Done That

SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT

 

You caught the same train at 8-05 am every day from Monday to Friday. You always sat at a window seat nearest to the door with a seat beside you and a double seat opposite you. You never sat and read the paper. You did not hold a book. You kept your mobile ‘phone in your bag rather than prod and jab at it. You preferred to look at the passing scenery. You preferred to look at your fellow travellers. You told me that the opposite seat was free. You returned my smile.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You said hello on the following day. You smiled again. You engaged in small talk with me and answered my seemingly innocuous questions. You accepted my compliment about your fragrance with modesty and thanks. You told me your name and I told you mine.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You said hello again the day after and the one after that. You smiled at me first this time. You engaged in small talk again but it grew from small to medium as the train left the station. You told me where you worked and what you did. You told me where you used to work. You explained all about your hoped for transfer to another department. You told me about your colleagues and laughed at my remarks about them.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You turned in your seat looking for me as I entered the train. You smiled and the smile was wider. You waved me over and we engaged in conversation. The small talk had been left on the platform. You told me this, you told me that and you told me about the other. I absorbed it all. I told you how your outfit suited you and you told me where you got it from. You told me where you lived. You told me you lived alone.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You looked for me again as you did every day. You always kept a seat for me. Sometimes opposite you. Sometimes beside you. You always had plenty to talk to me about. You showed me your new ‘phone and I saw the Facebook logo. I also memorised your four-digit passcode as you tentatively typed it. You told me that you were going for drinks after work and you told me the bar.

You shouldn’t have done that.

I went to the bar but did not look for you. You came and found me instead. You invited me over. You invited me and my two lieutenants to join you and your colleagues. You introduced me to them and them to me. I made you laugh. I made them laugh. I bought you more drinks. You touched my arm and your touch lingered.

You shouldn’t have done that.

Your privacy settings are not as good as they should be. You placed so much of your life online. You accepted my friend request. You messaged me first that Thursday evening and I messaged back. You messaged again and again so I did so too. You told me about your plans. You told me about your family. You told me about your friends.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You met me for coffee. You answered my questions. You gave me more and more information as our friendship grew. You gave me your telephone number. You told me about your ex. You told me about the one before him. You showed tears in your eyes.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You met me for dinner. You laughed at my jokes. You told me your hopes. You told me your fears. You told me what you liked and I liked it too. You told me where you wanted to travel to and I wanted to travel there too. You looked in my eyes and you allowed me in.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You invited me to the party at your house. You greeted me with delight. You let me into your house. You showed me your books. You showed me your tastes. You showed me your friends and let me entertain them. You showed me my recruits. You poured me a drink and I poured one for you, then another and another. You kept coming to see me as I kept the group in the palm of my hand. You smiled and you laughed and you looked at me with something else, something more in your eyes. You kissed me.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You answered my calls. Each and every one. You talked with me for hours. You answered every one of my messages. You showed excitement. You showed delight. You showed enthusiasm. You accepted the flowers. You rang and thanked me. You accepted the jewellery. You rang squealing with pleasure. You accepted the invitations. You invited me over. You made me dinner. You insisted I stay. You took me to bed.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You thrilled at my notes. You soared at my voicemails. You revelled in my messages. You thanked me for my generosity. You clapped your hands in excitement when I showed you the tickets. You kept asking me to stay. You held on to me all night. You whispered in my ear and told me what you wanted, although I already knew.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You told me to leave a toothbrush. You insured me on your car. You gave me a key. You booked our first holiday together. You introduced me to your family. You introduced me to your boss. You introduced me to him, to her, to everyone. You believed everything I told you.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You gave me your heart and said keep it safe. You told me your plans for us. You told me you loved me though I said it first. You told me nothing like this had happened before.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You made this choice. You let me in. You ignored the red flags. You let my tendrils slide around you. You told me how I had captured your heart and made you a queen. I whispered softly in your ear as you slept in my arms,

“I always do that.”

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The Dirty Empath – Marriage Breaker

THE DIRTY EMPATH - MARRIAGE

The Empath. Regarded as a paragon of virtue with those traits of honesty, decency, compassion, love devotee, moral compass and so on. All of which make the empath and their fuel output tempting prey for us. Yet within these virtuous empathic traits sit other traits, narcissistic traits.

There are four schools of empath (Standard, Super, Co-Dependent and Contagion) . Layered on to these schools are the empathic cadres (such as Magnet, Carrier and Geyser).

Each empath within the relevant school has both empathic and narcissistic traits. Some will have a small number of strong empathic traits with few narcissistic traits which are low in strength. Some will have many empathic traits which are moderate in strength and have few or numerous narcissistic traits which are all very low in strength. Some will have many empathic traits which are strong and numerous narcissistic traits which are moderate or even quite strong. The key consideration is that, in effect, the empathic traits keep the narcissistic ones ‘in check’ and thus the empathic individuals behaves in a way which is empathic with other people.

There are however two main instances when the narcissistic traits come to the fore. The first is through The Empathic Supernova which is when the empathic traits become ‘dialled down’ or eroded for a temporary time and thus the narcissistic traits come to the fore. The second instance is a permanent state of affairs and this is the cadre of the Dirty Empath. The individual is empathic, of that there is no doubt, they have those empathic traits, they also have narcissistic traits too, however one of those narcissistic traits remains strong and prominent throughout and sits alongside the fewer, weaker narcissistic traits and the various empathic traits of varying strength. This does not mean this person is a narcissist, not at all. It does not mean that this person is not an empath. What it means is that they are an empath but there is one (sometimes there might be more) narcissistic trait which ‘dirties’ their empathic status. Think of the empath coloured white with a black streak running through them.

One of the dirty strands which runs through the Dirty Empath is that of Marriage Breaker (or Intimate Relationship Breaker). This strand is based on the narcissistic trait of selfishness.

This situation arises where the DE becomes involved with somebody who is already in another relationship. The DE is single. The other person is not. There are those empaths who would never have a relationship with someone who is already committed to another. The level of refusal varies from those who might engage with someone who is dating other people but would not if they are in a steady relationship and not at all with someone who is living with another person and is/or married, through to those who refuse to countenance any romantic interaction with someone who is engaging with other people, at any level.

The Dirty Empath will not actively seek out a romantic relationship with someone who is already married. If the DE knows somebody is in a relationship, they will not pursue that person as that offends the empathic traits of the empath. The narcissistic trait of selfishness is not so strong as to override the empathic traits and cause the DE to want to pursue and engage in a relationship with someone who is already taken, committed to somebody else and so forth. Such an act is the preserve of someone who is a normal (even then it remains unlikely) and is more likely the response of someone who is narcissistic (not an empath and not empathic) or a narcissist.

Accordingly, a Dirty Empath will not target, pursue and engage with a person who is already in a romantic relationship.

That point made, what are the circumstances which give rise to the Dirty Empath Marriage Breaker? There are three.

The common thread where the Dirty Empath Marriage Breaker (“DEMB”) arises is where the DEMB is targeted by the other person. The person will be highly narcissistic or more usually, this person will be one of our kind.

Addressing the three circumstances :-

The Ivory Response

The DEMB is seduced by the Other Person (“OP”). They do not do the seducing. The OP does not tell the DEMB that they are in a relationship and if the OP is (and most likely will be) a narcissist, the DEMB will be the Candidate IPSS or Shelf IPSS. The DEMB may well be strung along in this fashion, oblivious to the fact that the OP is in a relationship, for some time. They may have suspicions but as ever, the OP will use plausible deniability to assuage those concerns. In the usual style of the seduction of the golden period, the DEMB will be taken in and engage romantically with the OP.

You may be thinking that since the DEMB does not know the OP is in a relationship, was not the pursuer and has been seduced, is it not somewhat harsh to describe them as a DEMB? Possibly, but the fact remains that they are romantically entangled with another person who is in a relationship and thus that comes within the umbrella of DEMB.

However, there comes a point where the DEMB finds out that the OP is already in a relationship. This may happen whilst the seduction is ongoing, it may (more likely) occur when there is devaluation or during a period of being placed on the shelf. The DEMB having learned of this will not immediately walk away from the OP. They will, in accordance with their status as a truth seeker want to gain answers from the OP. The relationship will continue. The DEMB will also make it his or her mission to tell the spouse or partner of the OP what has been happening, thus they earn the epitaph of Marriage (Relationship) Breaker or at the very least, disruptor.

The DEMB will fail to get adequate answers from the OP. The DEMB will not however just retreat, upset and distraught at having ‘been played’ and lied to. This is where the DEMB’s selfish trait flares up. Their moral indignation at their situation must be attended to. They will not withdraw and allow the OP and his or her partner to mend matters and patch things up. No, the DEMB will :-

  1. Ensure the OP’s partner knows what has happened in detail and will encourage them to walk away from the OP;
  2. Ensure other people know about the OP’s behaviour;
  3. Ensure the OP is told precisely what a low-life, cheating bastard he or she is.

Once 1,2 and 3 have been achieved, the DEMB then walks away from the carnage caused and endeavours to remain out of the hoovering clutches of the OP, the OP now desperate to find a new IPPS since in all likelihood the actions of the DEMB have caused the narcissist OP to lose his existing IPPS and be looking at a fuel crisis.

Accordingly, the DEMB is not whiter than white because (unwittingly) they engaged in a relationship with an attached OP. They cause carnage through their response to learning of the cheating behaviour of the OP towards themselves and the OP’s IPPS (and possibly other IPSSs). They are not completely blackened however as their response has sought to achieve some good, albeit for selfish reasons. The DEMB walks away from the OP (and tries to stay away) and accordingly the response arrived is off-white, hence ivory.

The Point of No Return

Similar to the above, the DEMB does not know that the OP Narcissist is attached to someone else. The DEMB is pursued, seduced and falls for the OP. At some juncture, the DEMB later learns that the OP is with somebody else. This could be during seduction, when being placed on the shelf or through devaluation.

The response is not one of ivory however.

Instead, the DEMB has reached The Point of No Return. Such is their addiction to the OP Narcissist, such is their desire to keep that person as their own and ‘beat’ the OP’s partner, the DEMB’s narcissistic trait of selfishness rises to the fore, overriding the empathic traits and causing the DEMB to fight for the OP.

He or she will do whatever they can to maximise their chances of being retained by the OP over the OP’s Partner. The combination of the seductive addiction and their own selfish narcissistic trait means that they will :-

  1. Tell the OP’s Partner about their existence;
  2. Focus on winning back/retaining the OP’s interest;
  3. Possibly even smearing the OP’s Partner themselves in order to achieve their aims.

The DEMB’s usual empathic traits are outshone by this single, strong narcissistic trait of selfishness to the extent that they appear to have taken leave of their senses. They want the OP, they see that they should be the one who ‘wins’ the triangulation and they will keep on trying to secure this outcome again and again, even when placed on the shelf or devalued. Of course the OP may well find their relationship with their IPPS in tatters but will not be unduly concerned as the Narcissist OP will feed on the twin stream of fuel and either remain with the original IPPS and dis-engage from the DEMB IPSS or choose the DEMB IPSS instead and continue with the shelf arrangement with them or make them the new IPPS.

The DEMB in these circumstances has reached the Point of No Return, they want the OP and notwithstanding the carnage caused, the roller coaster ride which awaits them, they earn the title of DEMB justifiably.

The White Knight

In this scenario, the OP tells the DEMB that he or she is with someone else. Nevertheless, the narcissist OP will adopt the tactics of

“We are effectively separated.”

“We are only together for the children and lead separate lives otherwise”

“I am being abused.”

“It is a loveless marriage”

“I have tried to make it work but he/she just isn’t interested any more and I have not left because x, y or z”

“My wife doesn’t understand me.”

The DEMB adopts the role of White Knight riding to the rescue to save this poor OP from their misery, their banal existence or the clutches of the tyrant spouse. It is the familiar story of faked misery and abuse manufactured by the narcissist OP, the cultivation of the DEMB in the role of rescuer, the OP as ‘victim’ and the OP’s Partner as the ‘perpetrator’. The DEMB operates through a hybrid of empathic traits (doing the decent thing in rescuing the poor downtrodden narcissist OP, exhibiting compassion for this person etc) and also the narcissistic trait of selfishness because they want to be with this person, they want to ‘save’ them even though they are attached to someone else. Yes, they have been duped by the OP’s manipulative act and illusory behaviours, but nevertheless, the DEMB knows this person is attached and because they do not walk away, but instead engage in the relationship with the narcissist OP, they earn them mantle of DEMB.

Thereafter, this White Knight DEMB may be the Candidate IPSS and becomes crowned as IPPS, only then to suffer the devaluation and then learn the truth about the nature of the OP and what he or she did to the innocent OP’s partner. They may become the Shelf IPSS and find out the truth when they are on the shelf or possibly (though rarely) have been dis-engaged from. Once the White Knight realises they are not the rescuer, their response changes and they may respond with an Ivory Response or continue to fight for the OP, as per the Point of No Return. The fact remains, they knew this person was with someone else but they engaged with the OP and went along with the seduction despite this state of affairs. Yes, they may well have done so for noble empathic reasons but they also did so for a narcissistic selfish trait also.

Thus the Dirty Empath Marriage Breaker arises in three different ways, all of which either dent, damage or destroy an existing relationship between the narcissist (or narcissistic) OP and their existing partner.

 

 

 

 

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Smile For Me

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I just love that special smile of yours. I know that the first time I saw you displaying it that I wanted it for myself. I wanted to be the recipient of that smile and I wanted it so badly, oh so very badly that I went for you with ferocious determination. I watched as it slowly formed, your delectable lips twisting upwards and then parted to allow your teeth to be seen. Many animals bare their teeth as a warning to others to stay back, but not you. As you revealed your teeth and your smile widened into a grin I watched transfixed. I could see the effect it had on those near you. I could see how they felt happier for seeing your smile. I detected it in their faces, in their reactions and if I had been close enough I have little doubt that I would have been able to hear their pleasure and joy as you allowed them to bask in the warmth of your smile. It was inclusive. You showed it to everyone sat around that table and nobody was missed out. You did not break into laughter. That would almost have been vulgar and spoilt the scintillating effect of the way you conveyed such emotion to others near you. I continued to watch from my position across the bar as the words of whoever it was I was with that night, I cannot recall now, became nothing but white noise. I only allowed myself to hear her expressions of irritation at how I was distracted by you.

I made my excuses, feigning illness and dispatched whoever it was I was with, I cannot recall now, in a taxi with an already broken promise to call whoever it was, I cannot recall now and once that person who I cannot now recall had gone I returned to the restaurant. I positioned myself next to your table, sat at the bar and allowed myself to eavesdrop on the conversation that you were engaged in as I allowed myself a closer examination of your smile. It appeared frequently and never diminished in its brilliance. It was engaging, captivating and I had to have it. With customary ease I allowed myself to join your table once the dining had been concluded on the pretext of making a point arising from something you had said. I had already established from the body language around the table that none of the attending men were accompanying you and the behaviour of the other women indicated they were no more than friends. No ring rested on your wedding finger and you responded to my polite intrusion with a brief flash of that smile. I knew the drawbridge was down and the portcullis was up.

Accordingly, I made your smile mine and how I revelled in those perfect lips as they moved into that glorious smile. I had known fuller lips but yours were certainly not what I would call thin. Your left cheek dimpled when you smiled broadly and thereafter I knew that your smile was only truly for me. Yes, you smiled for others and I was proud of you for doing so, allowing them to experience it but only at a fraction of what was reserved for me. I was the sole recipient of the full magnitude of that smile and its amazing effect. You conveyed so much to me with your smile. The times you smiled at me in supportive admiration as I held forth at dinner parties, your appreciative smile when I did something for you, the sensual smile when you knew that our sexual congress was looming, the amazed smile when I stunned you with yet another example of my brilliance, your satisfied smile when you looked at me across the living room from where you were reading a book, safe and content in our world where your smile was mine and nobody else’s. I relished seeing your sleepy smile when I turned to you in the morning and gently kissed you on the nose. I delighted when you contacted me using your video capability on your ‘phone and you deliberately showed only your smiling mouth. Countless times I would record you doing so and play the footage back when I sat alone and relished the sensation which washed over me as I watched.

What made your smile so special was the fact that you gave it willingly to me. You told me that nobody had made you smile as much as I had. I took no issue with that for I knew it was something that I was entirely capable of. Your sweet, illuminating smile belonged to me, was engaged for me and existed just for me. I worked so hard to ensure that your mouth gave me that smile again and again and again. It sustained me and invigorated me, turning a moment of weakness into one of edifying strength in but a moment. I can truly say that nobody else has had a smile which has such an effect on me as yours. I saw what it did for other people and I knew that they were only experiencing a small percentage of what I felt because the true power and radiance of that smile was kept just for me because you understood me, you knew how I needed it and you were content and delighted to provide it to me. It was a beautiful smile, a beguiling smile, an admiring smile, a playful smile, an engaging smile, an enticing smile, an uplifting smile and so much more but above all else it was your special smile. Special for me.

Most of all though I cherished your smile because better than anyone else you knew how to hide everything behind that smile. I knew this is what you did and I knew he began teaching you to do so all that time ago. I made sure  that you continued to use your smile in this way. I completed your learning. Now it cloaked everything that the world did not need to know about. I made your smile extra-special didn’t I?

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