Questioning Me

Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.

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938 thoughts on “Questioning Me”

  1. How to use what we learn here:

    1. Once we learn to identify narcs, should we use the information here to thwart them or avoid them? (if we’ve been targeted, the answer may vary)

    2. Sometimes it is hard to see the warning signs until you have become a target (ie, the workplace: you haven’t been “sought out” by the narc. But, once in the workplace, you may become targeted as a threat to the narc. When playing “Switzerland” to avoid drama stops working, is it best to quit until the narc has played himself out? Fight for your job? Or forget your job and move on?

    The narcissists show up everywhere. Rational ppl cannot wrap their minds around “why” (for example) an adult would target an innocent teen in the workplace. I’m not talking about sexual drama. Just drama for the sake of being cruel to the defenseless.

    1. Sorry for the run-on sentences; I’m typing via phone and did not notice until after clicking “send.”

      1. Another, shorter Q (upon rethinking ALL of my N relationships): Once we ID a narcissist, having been armed with your knowledge, is “fight” or “flight” the best way to use this knowledge? And is it different based on the relationship (romantic vs. coworker vs. boss vs. family member vs. friend?

        Because sometimes, knowing how your kind thinks/acts, and the empaths’ urge for justice, confrontation/exposure becomes a first choice. Yet, this is not usually winnable. Your kind lies, and we can’t.

        But, we hate to lose as much as you do…

  2. Hi HG, I sent a few questions with a much longer detailed explanation and it either didn’t get through or you didn’t post it, so I’ll try to simplify.

    1. Is there ever a time when delaying no contact is a good idea, such as waiting until you have gotten safely far away from the narcissist?

    You have determined him to be upper mid-range elite/somatic. I am IPSS/DLS of over five years and I’ve finally made the decision to move far away from him and he has found out my plans. My logical brain is telling me he won’t risk doing anything crazy to jeopardize his marriage and reputation. However, he’s vacillating rapidly between love-bombing (like the original), devaluing, veiled threats, and even hinting he will finally leave his wife (what convenient timing). He’ll never beg, or even ask me to stay. He’s above all that. But I’ve never seen him switch behavior so rapidly and these veiled threats have me worried for my safety.

    2. Should I fake it ’til I make it (out of here), or do you think he is just trying to scare me and put me off balance? My inclination, based on your collective advice, is that I should go no-contact to avoid emotional thinking and focus on my escape. But the threats have me worried. Please let me know what you think. Thank you, as always, for your wisdom.

    1. Hello PR, your comment is in moderation still owing to the questions asked. I will answer them in due course.

  3. HG I have to ask a few related questions…

    1. Have you ever had someone comment regarding the narcissist from their past and had even a fleeting moment when you thought they might be talking about you? Nobody knows who you really are so it’s not impossible an ex fuel source of yours might find this site.

    2. If that did happen, how would you feel about it? How might you respond? (without revealing more than you’re willing about the five rules or anything else you can’t/won’t divulge, of course)

    3. If any of your fuel sources GoSo, and they’re technically following your most wonderful advice (whether they got it from you directly or not), is there any part of you that can respect that?

    For the sake of ease, in these hypothetical scenarios your fuel needs are being met elsewhere at the time.

    1. 1. No.
      2. Amused. Appropriately.
      3. Yes although they would not succeed when faced with me.

      Thank you for the questions and establishing a context also.

  4. HG, I have counseled with you before and you have determined that the individual I am dealing with is an upper mid-range elite/somatic with a sadistic streak. I am the IPSS/DLS of five years. I have talked about moving out of state for over a year, especially now that it has finally gotten through to me what he is (thanks to you) and that he will never leave his wife (and now I don’t even want him to). I don’t think he’s ever taken me seriously about moving, but it’s finally happening and I think he’s about to implode. There has been a massive grand hoover, love bombing, etc. combined with what I believe are underlying threats, and alternating seething criticism that turns on a dime back to worshipping me again, like nothing I have ever seen from him. He’ll tell me random gruesome stories, send me articles about people grieving over their dead animals and commenting about how sad it is (I’m a huge dog lover), tell me how worried he is when I go on vacation that I’ll be kidnapped in an Uber and sold into sex trafficking… the list goes on and on. I know this is to put fear into my mind and keep me off balance. His most recent stunt is to now hint around that he’s leaving his wife. More lies trotted out thinking I’ll believe he’s finally giving me what I want. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I am leaving and I want him out of my life. With each sick attempted mind-screw, his emotional grip on me lessens, now that I know what he’s doing. My question for you is this: Should I go no-contact now (two months prior to moving)? Or continue to play dumb-ish and let him think there will still be at least long-distance fuel later, and then go no-contact when I’m at a safe distance? I’m not sure what he’s capable of. You said in your assessment that he did not meet the criteria for a Greater, but sometimes I wonder. The mind games are strong and I see through it all, but the fear is getting to me. The upside to that is that it’s enforcing my flight response. My logic mind says he would never do anything to put his marriage, reputation or livelihood on the line, but I need to know if I’m in danger and how to proceed. Thank you, as always, for your guidance.

    1. This is a detailed matter and you require assistance with regards to

      1. Conquering your emotional thinking as it is understandably impacting on your assessment of the situation and how you feel;
      2. The assessment of the narcissist’s school and behaviours;
      3. Your no contact regime; and
      4. What will happen.

      I advocate you organise an audio consultation with me.

  5. HG,
    Is it possible to think I had met another empath when in fact after about 9 months I begin to see traits and characteristics that remind me of a narcissist-the same pit in my stomach, familiar red flags. At first I told my self, this was not so but something happened last night that made me cry.
    As always thank you.

    1. Hi Victoria,
      I am sorry you are starting to have doubts about the man you are having a new relationship with and that he made you cry.
      I think many MR narcs can be mistaken for empaths. I hope a consultation with HG clears your doubts.

  6. Well, I’m on break from tearing down my mid-range as I await his next misstep. Compelling information. I hope you’ll still be answering questions here.

    Before coming across your information, H G, I learned quite a lot about cognitive function and abilities – diving into the realm of brain activity. Starting my journey there helped me to gain insight and understanding of personality types and people at their base level; see through the “peacocking” if you will. A hypothesis that I have currently is that people with cluster B type personality disorders are lacking in certain cognitive areas and their core deciding functions – thinking and feeling. The question I pose to you is this: Have you investigated where it is in your brain that you’re missing the activity needed for empathy? Are you aware that your cognitive functions are weak and lacking due to the imbalance of skills and ability? Logan Paul is a prime example of some one who has experienced loss of the prefrontal cortex resulting in impulsiveness and lack of empathy with his recent brain scan supporting this hypothesis.

  7. I am blessed with a lesser to mid range. I find that he repeats his diatribes if I have an issue with him. I have almost memorized them. “What about what you did in 2008?” He deflects to the same incident for every argument. Do they all use an identical spiel over and over? Or is he just lazy and uncreative??? I cannot believe I have no new infractions for him to complain about? !!!!What gives???

      1. That’s perfectly sensible. He is quite lazy. It’s a shame. He will say, “I’m stupid”, sometimes. I’m like, “Hell, no.” “You’re smart, you just never apply yourself fully to anything.”
        I can’t open a dialogue about what he wants in future, he literally will not permit me to speak.
        Being fucked with by someone like you seems luxe in comparison!! He wouldn’t even bother anymore. I feel invisible. He stopped accusing me of infidelity 8 months ago.
        I made my own word salad. I apologize and can’t thank you enough. If all you write is true, I give you credit for being honest about just ONE thing.
        I wish he could do the same. So I could figure out what to do. He won’t give his thoughts on the matter.

  8. My husband is a narcissist. I find your work validating and heartbreaking. I am an empath (of course). I find it curious that in all of our houses (he likes to move), he’s never shared a bathroom or closet with me. He will share with the kids. But not me. Is this to perpetuate or underline that I do niot exist?

    1. Welcome Angel, this is done to belittle you, cause you to think that you do not matter and to provoke you into trying to do something about so he is given fuel. It demonstrates his lack of empathy for how it makes you feel and underlines his sense of entitlement.

  9. Kiki,

    you are late on the game, my friend and I mean no offense but if we are to be honest, I would say that maybe 99% of us here have already fantasized or at least thought about how and what would be meeting him in person. It is a natural reaction to someone like him, coming from the place we came from in ourselves.
    It is a connection and it is there. And yes, in many ways he has replaced my narc and I am glad HG did because he has saved me from my own darkness.

    And of course, he has not hurt us; he has helped us. It is like…. we all have narcs in our lives but now we have the Master of all teaching us.

    I need to say something though. This is serious to me. I was reading this thread and someone somewhere mentioned something about his childhood; the fact that he was kept outside in the cold until he could recite something correctly.
    Ok. Those lines hit me like a punch in the stomach. I immediately felt physical pain, like a knife cutting me open from my chest down my stomach and legs. Then shivering. I began shivering in a 94 degree summer heat sitting outside.

    A deep sadness and a loneliness that I cannot possibly convene in words. A sadness that only an innocent child can feel because they are open, innocent, helpless.

    The image in my mind is this little boy dressed in uniform, a brown uniform, shorts, white shirt, hair combed to the side, holding something in his hand, exerting an enormous self-control to not shiver, to not feel it, to dissociate from it. Fear of what would happen if he couldn’t do it. Survival. There is more that I sense but I will stop because I don’t want to sound invasive or throw out assumptions of guesses. I don’t feel or say anymore, out of respect.

    But whoever hurt that little boy in him, is my enemy. As I was once a little girl standing in the cold…

Vent Your Spleen!

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