Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
4,635 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISTER!
Happy Birthday, Mr. Tudor. Welcome back!
Dear HG,
Welcome back, you’ve been missed , hope you enjoyed your trip, been safe and enjoyed your birthday!! Xx ❤️ ❤️
How did you know it was Mr Tudor’s birthday?
HI Can’t remember,
We don’t know the exact date. Mr. Tudor has told us he’s a Virgo & its in September. Since he wasn’t moderating the blog, I just waited to wish him a Happy Birthday until he returned.
🙂Leigh we can actually figure out which his birthday is, because it’s written down on a place you look quite often. So I know his birthday. I believe. I say no more.
Can’t Remember–
As far as I know, Mr. Tudor has not shared his exact birthday. However, in the FAQ on narcsite, HG wrote that he is a Virgo. In a YouTube video, HG has said that he was born in September, so his birthday anniversary falls somewhere between September 1 and September 22.
Big news in the UK this weekend about a certain comedian & influencer who must surely be a candidate for the Tudorscope? The more I read, the more the media reports begin to adhere to a certain familiar pattern of behaviour. Just started watching the C4 programme and someone has used the N word in the first few minutes. Might we see some videos or analysis soon? Thank you
Yes, you will. I’d have produced something sooner but I’ve been busy elsewhere. Analysis coming very soon.
Absofuckinglutely yes!!!!!!!! Yay I am excited about this HG!!! Thanks!
Hadn’t realised RB had been discussed before on this blog. I didn’t know much about RB prior to the weekend. Though he obviously has some intelligence, I couldn’t stand his annoying manner and style of speech, and the total lack of humility. I could never understand what Jemima Khan was doing with him either. Looking forward to Mr Tudor’s analysis.
Excellent. Looking forward to it.
I always found this person to be incredibly creepy. Like a vampire, bet they have fangs they do….I can imagine the evil demon grin and a horrible little laugh….
Dear Mr Tudor,
Bravo on F**k you ! Look at me ! on You Tube 👏
Wholeheartedly 💯 % agree with your every word
One of your very best 🥳 (she’s certainly got your blood boiling) hehe
We did watch the Heart of Invictus, not for any other reason than that we have a dear friend participating in 3 categories in the Games. They’ve just won a medal, but more than anything, it’s helped enormously in their PTSD and war injuries. Our small support has also helped psychologically, just knowing we’re rooting for them.
I have already submitted emails to the Invictus CEO and aired our displeasure over her whole presence being there, plus outlining her disgraceful disrespectful attire.
Now for HW reported ‘emotional’ closing spew 🤮
Bubbles, it as so good to read about your friend taking part in the IG and congratulations on them for their medal. As for your sending emails to the CEO – well done and good on you 🙂
Dear Asp Emp,
Thank you lovely, that means heaps ☺️
We are so outraged and so livid over HW having the audacity to rock up and waltz onto centre stage with her bullshit kiddie crap!
No one cares you self entitled piece or disgusting work with your wrinkled inappropriate fash oooon. !!!! Plus Harry going on about human decency and don’t take my bench, I need to sit down ! WTHELL????
Why am I not surprised ?
We have a family of military history and we are extremely ‘incensed’ over HW’s whole charade!
The rules of conduct and protocol are so strict in all matters of military!
Mr Bubbles and I have always adhered to all the proprietary’s of the military.
Mr Bubbles was in Vietnam, his uncle died in the Battle of El Alamein, his other other uncle fought in the navy in Papua New Guinea, my brother served in the Air Force and my ancestor was awarded the VC for gallantry in Gallipoli !
I am absolutely speechless with her being allowed to lead the British contingency, wearing a freaking romper suit and flip flops! She’s a frickin civilian, for heavens sake !!!!! The photo of her on the buggy with crossed legs was disgusting!
Mr Bubbles has to adhere to so much protocol in his Anzac March each year!
Harry is as weak as piss in allowing his conceited wife to insult him and the military !
They disrespected our dear friend big time !!!!
Seriously, words fail US, WE are absolutely furious !!!
DO NOT DISRESPECT THE MILITARY!!!!!
Hence our emails to Invictus !
Dear Mr Tudor,
Would you agree, the Invictus Games just got ‘trashed and ruined’ by the arrival of HW? The dynamic now is all about her 😈🤮
I’m so looking forward to the backlash 😈 hehe
Dear Mr Tudor,
Thank you so much for your YT’s on the Invictus Games.
So…….. I’m now wondering, which country, is Harry’s allegiance to in these Games….the
UK
USA
or now Nigeria ? 🤦♀️
@Rebecca.
Okay, we get it. You’ve had a shitty time throughout life dealing with various shitty relationships, incl. your mother.
Your mother is a narcissist, your husband (whom you appear to still be shacked up with) is a narcissist.
No doubt, there are many other vagaries of life that you’ve experienced – as have we all.
Your victimhood however grates on me .. because it goes nowhere.
And the “somewhere” to go, may also never ever become attainable despite how much one chases it .. but there is absolutely NO chance in hell if you see yourself as a victim.
My father returned to London after active service during WWII in Germany .. along with his very young, pregnant German wife (my mother).
My eldest brother was born shortly after their return.
Eventually, I became the fifth child, and first girl, of what was to be 6 children, spaced quite well apart.
My German mother, who was fragile in any case, was not well received back in post WWII England (an understatement), and from all reports was ostracised, vilified and treated incredibly badly by the English. This is somewhat understandable, but unfair nevertheless.
The treatment she suffered at the hands of the English, which was severe and did not help with her fragile mental state .. my mother being possibly Bi-polar, Borderline or some other condition .. I’m no expert on mental health, and cannot say.
She received mental health assistance, such as it was in those days, and was gone from the family home for long periods. I don’t know where she went, or what happened to her while she was gone.
When she was taken from the home it was a traumatic event for everyone, I remember this vividly. Not necessarily outwardly, but inwardly for the family.
My father eventually took on the role of “mother” as well as father, and that is how I think of him .. my mothering father.
And thank God for him. Imperfect of course, and at times, excruciatingly so. But he was there every day, every day, every day .. when I would every day tug on his trouser legs as he came to pick up me and my little sister from home care imploring of him if he had any “sweets for us” today.
My birth certificate lists my Dad as a wallpaper salesman when I was born, and he continued in various unskilled work until retirement (and beyond).
During one of my mother’s absences my father had arranged to escape London & England with his two young daughters, plus “surprise surprise” the neighbour wife, and we all ended up at Southampton ready to board a large boat for the “colonies”.
I later understood that the neighbour wife was also escaping an out of control, womanising, verbally and physically abusive husband (i.e. narcissist). I was witness at a very young age to the incongruence of his out and out behaviour.
I loved and adored the neighbour wife. We all freely moved between each other’s homes and she cared for us when our mother was not around.
That all changed though when the reality of the “new” situation became as clear as it could be to an extremely wilful and jealous 8 year old “me”.
Needless to say, the coming years were not always the peaceful, content, blissful experience that everyone had hoped for.
But I digress.
My eldest brother, Michael, the one conceived in Germany during WWII, eventually became semi-homeless. Despite many attempts by him to do better for himself and to help others do better, and him having a very big heart, he could not overcome. Neil Hughes in the “7-63 Up!” series reminds me of our Michael.
My middle brother, Christopher married and had 3 kids, lived a pretty good life with ups and downs, until eventually succumbing to heroin addiction and dying relatively young. He was a good guy.
My brother, Nigel, the next eldest to me, with whom I was closest (and with whom I was a partner crime), later got on with his life despite some very major setbacks (Borstal Reform School for instance, amongst others). He married twice, had 2 children (one named after me), and was an altogether good, albeit flawed person. He died from lung cancer 10 years ago.
My second eldest brother, Peter, never forgave my father for leaving England and the family, and never reunited with any of our family. He moved to South Africa, made his fortune, and went back and forth between S.A. & the U.K.
My younger sister, Jacqueline, who left England along with me and our Dad when we we kiddies, after having chronic misery and challenges in her adult life eventually married an older, multi-millionaire and narcissist, and had a son whom she adores .. so it’s not a complete misery now, except for the narcissist husband bit.
I went back to England several times trying to reunite the entire family from the age of 19. One of those times was to find my mother, which I did living in assisted accommodation in St. Leonard’s-on-Sea. She was happy to see me, being was the first time since I’d left England as a child, but I think she was most happy for the things that I could do for her.
These weren’t “big” or “burdensome” things .. just simple things, like go for a walk and buy some stuff and get her a couple of packs of ciggies from the off-licence down the road.
While we were at the particular off-licence, the shop owner’s opinions about my mother were so obvious, due to what were most likely her many prior attempts to procure ciggies from him. But his mealy mouthed superior attitude made me so completely livid it was all I could do to stop myself from swiping him hard around the head .. I mean really, really hitting around the head. I wanted to and possibly would have in different circumstances. Instead I showed him the money, and firmly told him to give her the cigarettes, and we left. My mother died a few years later.
Back in the colonies, over a couple of decades I had given birth to two children, made my own millions, separated from .. then divorced (6 years ago), my high-functioning BBC comedy writing narcissist husband, after 25 years of sheer unadulterated hell.
I had no awareness at the time about HG Tudor Knowing the Narcissist, or any other of the now readily available information bulletins on narcissism.
When I left the most credible thing I had to go by was the “Cycle of Abuse” diagram that had been around for yonks plus the associated descriptions.
About nine months after separating I did talk to a counsellor (due to several repeated requests from my very wise daughter).
After 2-3 answers from me he said, “so your husband’s a narcissist.” That was a lucky break because I don’t exactly like or trust therapists or counsellors to get “anything” right.
The therapist was not what I would have thought would provide a lot of insight .. but turned out to be a good case of not judging a book by its cover.
My son who since growing out of a fairly intense and tedious rebellious teenage, had enjoyed a positive, loving relationship with me, his sister, and immediate and extended family .. but then got ensnared by, and ultimately married to a narcissist (yay). I hate this part.
This presents such a problematic, dysfunctional familial dynamic .. particularly because he is so isolated from us on the other side of the world.
To say this circumstance is demoralising and depressing does not come close. I can cry every time I think about it.
I didn’t start out to write a synopsis of my life, but that appears to have been the case.
I was feeling a lot more angst and annoyance at the start of this process and during the writing of it.
At the end of it all my point is, “pee or get off the pot”.
Stop thinking like a victim.
Stop thinking people are just being “mean” to you .. and you know, that because you’ve been through so much, you’ve got “victim credentials” right?
This may well be the case, but at the end of the day, no-one truly gives a crap (other than immediate family and very very close friends if you have them, AND if you’re lucky)
.. and no-one can truly do anything about this dynamic but you .. all the empathy and sympathy in the world will not change it.
Not a fan of tough love? Sorry.
Duchessbea
Please do not waste your energy with TBS. Concentrate your time on something better.
Dear Mr Tudor and lovelies,
There’s a lot of news speculation about the Maui fires! Is there something sinister going on and do we know by whom and why ? It all sounds rather suss!
Many thanks 😊
Rebecca,
These days, what I do is observe people over a period of time by what they say, who they say it to and in what manner. Consistency is key. Save your energy for people who deserve your time, including yourself. xx
Thank you AspEmp,
I won’t be responding to the goading anymore, it’ll be tough, but it’s doable. Xx
I’m currently helping a friend with a situation she found herself in. She’s in an intimate relationship with, who we believe to be a narcissist. He’s showing a lot of red flags and consistency in the behaviors. She had a baby with him, about 7 months old now, and she’s currently staying with me. She’s going to talk to a lawyer about taking her baby across the country, so she needs custody. She plans on moving back to California and temporarily move in with her folks and get back on her feet.
I’ve talked to her , on several occasions, about her boyfriend’s behaviors and narcissism. I’ve even given her messages with links to HG’s videos and we just had a long discussion about it all last night. I’m hoping she gets custody, so she can take her baby and herself far from her toxic boyfriend. I don’t know how this will work for her and her baby, but I’m hoping to help her anyway I can. Do you have any advise to give, or does anyone have any advice to give?
HG, This is part of my discussion for Consultation with you. I wish she could discuss matters with you, but time now and money is an issue. I wish I had the money for an emergency Consultation with you, for her. Any advice you could give would be appreciated. Thank you and everyone, helpful here. Xx ❤️ ❤️
Hi Rebecca 🙂 Thank you for sharing this. In the first instance, I would suggest that your friend can apply to AAF for a consult with HG? I am really glad that you are there for your friend, especially with a young baby and that you are doing what you can for her.
As for the guy in question, maybe a NDC needs to be done as well, just to confirm that it is in fact a narcissist (I am not suggesting that you are wrong, I need to clarify that x).
To those who can afford to make a donation to the AAF, and / or offer to make a payment towards some of the cost of a NDC, please consider doing so.
On that note, I will be making a small contribution. Thank you for being there for someone in need, Rebecca, take care xx
Thanks AspEmp,
I keep forgetting about the AAF! I’ve discussed with her about a consultation with HG. She’s wanting a lawyer discussion first and she might consider a consultation with HG afterwards, nothing against HG. Xx She just feels more comfortable with a lawyer’s legal advice. I’ll tell her about the AAF and see what she thinks. Thanks again, AspEmp. Xx
Hi, Rebecca–
You’re very kind in helping this lady. You said the man is her boyfriend–are they common law married? Maybe I’m not understanding why she needs to obtain custody or perhaps I’m not current on state laws. Any update?
HG and the lawyer will no doubt give sage advice but mine is to document everything. See a doctor, make a police report, go to a DV advocate with a narc there is always abuse doesn’t need to be physical, it can be financial, verbal , psychological but reports of it will help any future custody battle. Plenty of resources in California;)
Thank you, Contagious xx
Hi Mr. Tudor, just was writing again in regard to your material. Although I am incredibly grateful that you’re work helped me get out of a nasty narc situation myself where I am able to go no contact a majority of time with the narc I have to deal with on a minute level. I will say this. It seems that you are inspiring people in other ways as well (saw the video of the tarot reader mentioning your name etc) But I’ll level with you. Your work has inspired me and given me ideas as well. I have been writing a dark fantasy/suspense thriller and wasn’t sure about a scenario at first that I was going to write. Yeah, I did research and all that good stuff, but then I started to delve into your videos on Narcs that murdered and started asking you my recent questions. Your videos and you gave me an idea for the ultimate antagonist. What is that you ask? This is what I got so far for my character. A serial killer, who is a genius who chooses random people to stalk. What is his motive? He murders people at random like it’s a chess game with the local authorities as he doesn’t have a pattern. He defies them, by breaking into their computer mainframe and leaves messages to mock them. He has a bizarre way of murdering them leaving markings that he considers his art. This killer is skilled in that he always wipes his whereabouts digitally, you never see his face and he will never leave any evidence for the authorities to collect and works in the shadows. So, since I got inspired by your work, what do you think? Would that be ok if I used your work as an inspiration for my book? Do you have any suggestions? what do you think?
Where do I send my invoice?
Not so much looking for a consultation. Just wanted to see if this was ok. Don’t want feel like I’m infringing or anything like that.
Hi Mr Tudor, as always, your very informative in the realm of narcissism. I got one for you. Richard Ramirez, Alas- The Nightstalker. Terrorized Los Angeles in the 1980’s. Narcissist? Narcissistic? or damaged empath? Was always curious about that one.
See Know the Narcissist in the Knowledge Vault.
Dear Ultra,
I bought RED FLAG.
I hope it will help me. However…
I’d like to ask you this:
If a woman after 10 minutes from the first meet says “I feel good with you. I like how you talk” and immediately later she says an unpleasant comment about one member of your family (“I’d don’t like how he talk. Sometimes I don’t understand what he mean/says” etc)…Is this a possible Narc indicator?
An indicator, no more.
Ok, thank you!
Very “strange”. As soon I thinked “this could be a N indicator” my ET started to increase and I had immediately feel a strong attraction to her.
The day later I found another indicator (a “strange” voice in two occasions.)
I listened again “Why do I see narcissists everywhere” 🙂
@HG
Who was Jack the Ripper?
My great, great uncle.
“My great, great uncle.”
I don’t know whether to laugh at that or ask you if there’s any truth to that answer, HG!
WhoCares, I’d say there’s some truth to that one. Xx
Your replies are always hilarious HG… or could that be the truth 🤔
I leave it to you to make a determination in that regard.
@HG
The “from hell” letter, if authentic suggests that “jack” was far from highly educated therefore likely to belong to the lower classes, unless it was a calculated attempt to portray himself that way?
I think it’s possible that you could be related to a suspect like James Maybrick but was he really travelling all the way down to Whitechapel, just to kill? Probably not.
It was more likely a local
@Witch,
I watched a documentary on Jack the Ripper about three years ago and the final conclusion was that Jack was a Duke with Syphilis.
@Rebecca
I doubt it
I believe he was a local, either lived or worked in Whitechapel. Knew the area well and was a commoner as suggested by the “from hell” letter. It’s also been observed that the “from hell” letter points to someone of Irish descent. I’m no expert on narcissistic psychopaths so I can’t say with certainty whether he was faking his ethnicity and class or wanted to share something, however small of who he was but, I feel like it’s probably the latter
@Witch,
I wish we had a way of finding out his true identity. All we can do is speculate on who he was and maybe one day, we will know. It’s one of those mysteries I wish I knew the answer to, like who killed JonBenet Ramsey, what happened to J E Hoover etc. Xx
HG, it is immaterial to me whether you are or are not related, however it would be slightly fascinating if you were related.
Sending you love ❤️ ❤️❤️
@Rebecca
I suspect that if we did, we would find that he was one of many unattractive local weirdos, a loner, fatherless, abused by his mum, and couldn’t get a girlfriend, with a regular 9-5
@Witch,
Yes, I believe Jack the Ripper was probably more like the typical loner, abused, mad at women, hating on his mum , can’t control his impulses and probably lives in his mum’s basement….I just described my husband’s youngest brother….scary….one never knows some people and who maybe living next door to you, a serial killer can easily hide, why they’re so hard to catch and convict. I hope whomever Jack was , that he died before he could kill more victims. Chances are he died from some contagious disease back in his day, who knows what happened to him. It’ll probably be a mystery never answered.
@Rebecca
This is my backstory
from my imagination…
Rural Ireland, farm boy, learnt where babies came from from an early age, witnessed live animal births, opportunities to experiment on animals, experienced some kind of sexual humiliation, maybe saw his mother having sex with a man who wasn’t his father through the crack in the door, gained the perspective that woman are slags and not to be trusted, either his mother was perceived as weak because she was abused by his father or she was the domineering one.
Either learnt some literacy skills at home or had some basic formal education but not much
Possibly faced sexual rejection from women in adulthood and resorted to prostitutes and discovered he had no interest in “normal” sex. Note he never actually raped his victims but his hatred for them was related to sexual domination
Worked in a slaughterhouse or some kind of labouring job that did not require literacy skills but he definitely worked as killings were on weekends
Was not an aristocratic man in a top hat lol far from it. Probably someone who blended into the background and eavesdropped rather than attracting the limelight unless the attention was received due to anti-social behaviour
He stopped killing maybe because he became sick and died as you said, he had to move for whatever reason, or he fulfilled his fantasy and became bored with the idea. Or he felt he secured his legacy and didn’t need to continue.
Apparently it’s a myth that all serial killers have to continue killing until they are caught
Finger crossed HG gives us a video on the kind of person he speculates that he was 🤞🏼
@Witch,
Yes, I like your imagined back story for Jack the Ripper. I can see the character you have created in your imagination. Here’s what I imagine Jack the Ripper.
As the documentary suggest, I imagine him being a Duke, probably ignored, neglected and abused by his mother, or other important women in his life, like an Aunt, or even an older sister. Either way, he sees women as weaker, more sinister even than him, in some way, due to his treatments from them. He basically blames women for his problems and his feelings of being inadequate. He abuses them, women of lower status than him, prostitutes and eventually his abuse becomes slaying and killing, butchering his targets, but it only reaches that point, after he gets syphilis and it starts rotting his mind and causing him to become more and more feral and aggressive towards his targets. I think syphilis literally drove him mad and it eventually killed him and that’s why the killing stopped and why he disappeared and was never caught.
I hope HG does an analysis of Jack the Ripper, I very much would love to hear his take on Jack. It would be very interesting to see what his mind comes up with.
HG, please do an analysis on Jack. He’s been a mystery puzzle I’d love to solve and an interesting topic I’ve often discussed about. Hope you look into Jack for us. Xx ❤️ ❤️
Hello Mr Tudor. also writing again, as you seem to be now profiling narcissists who were involved with murder. Got one for you. Casey Anthony, a narcissist? or not a narcissist? That is the question.
Hi Mr. Tudor, I notice that your threads are becoming interesting as of late, in that you are now profiling Narcissists who got involved with murder. So ok, I got one for you. Chris Watts, to me a narcissist who had a midlife crisis and ended up murdering his family. Also was so arrogant in that he believed he could beat a polygraph test. What do you make of him?
Already done years ago, Jalleh.
Oh ok got it. I’ll check out.
Was Oswald Mosley a Narcissist?
Dear HG,
have you ever contemplated the idea of publishing a batch of our comments (yours, too, if you are game) without the writer’s name and having us guess who wrote them, with their consent, of course? I believe it might be entertaining.
No.
CORRECTIONS -v- CORRECTIVE DEVALUATIONS:
HG.
It is enlightening to see that so many on the blog do not actually understand the difference between a “correction” and a “corrective devaluation”.
These two behaviours being entirely different from one another.
At the beginning of this discussion that involved some blog followers’ intentions, I mentioned that some of your retorts and responses were of the “corrective devaluation” type, and that several of your followers are extremely keen to show you support of this type of response.
Since then, most have been happy to run with this FALSE premise that, when you simply correct a follower (i.e. disagree, or point out why or where they are incorrect, and so on), that this is in effect the exact same thing as you delivering a “corrective devaluation”. Which, of course, it is not.
Correcting or disagreeing with another person (regardless of who they might be) has ZERO to do with a narcissist’s corrective devaluation.
A corrective devaluation has ZERO to do with simply correcting another’s belief, opinion, etc.
A corrective devaluation has EVERYTHING to do with comments or behaviour by a narcissist that is designed specifically to “DEVALUE” that person in the narcissist’s fuel matrix as a direct result of challenge fuel, (i.e. dismiss, deflect, discount, ridicule, poke fun at, ignore, scorn, put down, undermine, emotionally abuse, psychologically abuse, physically abuse) .. feel free to add to what is a very long list.
The reason that some followers click “like” to this type of “devaluing” response from you is not so much to disagree with or criticise the maligned commenter, but their desire to demonstrate “to HG” their unrelenting (oblivious) devotion to everything that you put out, and thereby show you how much they have “learned”, how “insightful” they have become due their involvement with your works.
Virtually everyone commenting on this subject has shown a distinct inability to understand this concept, or they are simply unwilling to look and examine. Which is to some extent okay if that’s all they’re capable of.
Your post on Support Forum Frauds is excellent & insightful (and not just a little bit relevant to the above along with my thoughts of Support Forum “Followers”): Anyone interested, check out:
https://narcsite.com/2023/08/13/knowing-the-narcissist-the-support-forum-fraud-3/
(Also submitted elsewhere.)
I’ll allow other commentators to provide their responses to your observations first.
See my comment below to Leigh, written yesterday.
“The reason that some followers click “like” to this type of “devaluing” response from you is not so much to disagree with or criticise the maligned commenter, but their desire to demonstrate “to HG” their unrelenting (oblivious) devotion to everything that you put out, and thereby show you how much they have “learned”, how “insightful” they have become due their involvement with your works.”
This is outright speculation. There is no way to know for certain the reason for each like that appears. Also a presumption that all, or the majority of the likes are for the same reason. The wording also indicates that the commenter has formed opinions about specific blog contributors, knows their motives, and believes them to be the ones contributing the likes, when they may in fact be from readers who do not comment or interact on the blog at all.
“Virtually everyone commenting on this subject has shown a distinct inability to understand this concept, or they are simply unwilling to look and examine. Which is to some extent okay if that’s all they’re capable of.”
This is inaccuracy and assumption. At least one person stated that they fully understood what was being proposed but did not agree. It has been assumed that others did not understand or are unwilling to look and examine because they offered additional commentary to the conversation. Doesn’t mean they didn’t understand what was initially proposed. The last sentence highlights grandiosity in the belief of their intelligence over others. One they have yet to demonstrate to the general readership here, but that’s okay if that’s all they’re capable of. They’re likely blind to their own slavish devotions.
NA:
I’d “Like” your comment, but despite surfing here since 2019, I haven’t figured out how to do that.
Dear HG,
The difference between a correction and a devaluation correction is simple. A correction is just you saying, you got it wrong and then you tell the person the correct answer and usually why it’s correct. A devaluation correction is a narcissist way of controlling their victim by making the victim react to verbal abuse and in so doing, the narcissist gets fuel from the victim. The correction devaluation doesn’t come with the correct answer or an explanation, it’s usually just, “you’re stupid for saying that, thinking that” ” You’re a moron, stop commenting” Just two examples I can give right off the cuff, so I know the difference and I’ve never been treated like that, by you, HG. I know the difference. Xx
R.
Your understanding of a “corrective” devaluation is severely lacking.
Examples that you provide of a corrective devaluation are so simplistic.
You do not show an understanding in regards to the complexity involved of a high functioning narcissist’s response to challenge fuel, or wounding.
TBS,
First, I gave simple examples, so you could understand them better. Second, my understanding is more complicated than you know because you don’t know me, or what I’ve experienced firsthand. My understanding is personal experiences. You’re awfully quick to claim to know so many here, when you don’t know a single person here. I bet you don’t even know who’s an ACON and who isn’t. You’re obviously not here to learn or be supportive. You’re just here to disrupt HG’s work and be condescending. I don’t care about your opinion, didn’t ask for it and I don’t want it.
@Rebecca.
Sorry to burst your bubble .. but I couldn’t give a flying f**k about what you say a freaking ACON is, neither now, or at some elusive time in the future.
(Please, please, please defeat your overwhelming urge to enlighten me!)
TBS,
You’re only upset because you don’t know what an ACON is and I have no desire to enlighten you, just to point out how ignorant you are, but yet you claim others to be ignorant.
TBS,
I was raised by a narcissist mother, I know how to verbal defend myself and verbally deflect your pathetic attempts of belittling me. I’m also married to a narcissist and have a strong Savior and Carrier. I’m used to this dance.
It’s not worth it, Rebecca. 🩷
@Rebecca.
No-one will suffer from not being apprised of what ACON stands for. True ignorance is a far more reaching issue.
Rebecca, this is exactly how I understand it also, great examples, perfect explanation!! Thank you!
Thank you AV xx
@WhoCares and AV,
This is a prime example of how my MLSOMATIC husband, my Psychopath brother and my LMRVICTIM narcissist mother was able to keep me fighting with them…they just keep poking and I keep fighting….old habits die hard. Thanks for the reminders xx
Hi Rebecca,
I just wanted to clarify (to avoid any misinterpretation of my position) that my earlier suggestion was not based on the view that you, as an empath, are enacting similar patterns with past narcs – but that the level of entrenchment (not yours), without sufficient evidence, mind you… plus the more recent offensive maneuvers, isn’t going to change for the foreseeable future.
I think we aren’t dealing with the ’empathically challenged’ – just someone who is immovable and now going on the offensive.
Very kind of you WC, and tactful. I concur.
When behaviors (grandiosity, provocation, denial, deflection, etc.), aggressive or passive aggressive, are repeated as we have seen here, we must be willing to accept what they represent: narcissistic traits.
This is important because we all have the tendency as empaths to employ our empathy in a way that elevates our emotional thinking to make excuses for such behavior (https://rumble.com/v12b7di-how-your-emotional-thinking-causes-excuses.html) or defend our position–both to our detriment and fueling to the narcissist.
As HG has taught us, “when you know you go”, or in this case, you “ignore” (https://narcsite.com/2023/09/02/knowing-the-narcissist-rumplenarcskin-3/), or as I like to say, please don’t feed the birds.
Hope all is well with you WC.
Hello FYC,
Always nice to see you pop in on the blog!
I find I can’t comment at length these days anywhere (YT or here) but I follow along intermittently.
I am doing alright, thank-you.
Take care, FYC. 💜
Thank you WC, likewise. I understand the timing issues. I hope “alright” becomes all good very soon. You take care as well 💛
Rebecca you said old habits die hard. That is so true. But being here on the blog consulting with HG and having people like WC and others remind you when it’s just not worth it will soon make those habits happen less and less. Just remember by going back and forth like this, you are giving her exactly what she wants. Move on sweetie she’s not worth the space she takes up. Xx
@WhoCares and FoolMe1Time,
You’re both right, I keep letting my emotions get the better of me and I keep reacting to the goading.
WhoCares, no worries I didn’t question your stance at all and I think you’re accurate in your thinking. Xx
Thank you both for the kind words and kinship. Xx
I need to keep in mind HG’S teachings and just ignore the goading and rude comments. It’s up to HG who and what gets commented here. Thanks for that knowledge and logic, HG xx
FM1T, you are correct in what you have said here. Thank you for popping in to offer your ‘nudge’ of support.
Very much agree. Well said.
Best,
DB
Dear FoolMe,
There’s this story about the Lion and the donkey ? Hehe
@DB & VARIOUS.
Responding to rudeness and criticism is not goading.
Disagreement is not goading.
Defending one’s opinion is not goading.
Expressing oneself in a smart arse manner is not goading.
Your response (emotional, irrational or otherwise) to the any of the above is your choice and YOUR responsibility.
.. that your “go to” label for someone displaying the above behaviour is that they of course MUST BE A NARCISSIST 😱 (of one descripton or another), and which is clearly dependent on your limited experience with narcissism, should be of more concern to you than anything else.
Blog commenters are but tertiary sources in the fuel matrix and of low potency (written word). We are simply not important enough to warrant the corrective devaluations, which are a more pointed and sustained campaign issued to those of proximate fuel in the narcissist’s real life interactions.
A correction, however, may be felt warranted due to inaccuracies perceived as negatively affecting the quality and content of the material and what that may mean in terms of success in learning to individuals, or the blog environment as a whole. Our success in understanding is HG’s success, so a correction is issued to help facilitate that (for those willing to examine them as such).
There is no need to for Corrective Devaluation here. He could simply deny some people access, but he does not as long as we stick to the rules posted, and there are those who seriously test those rules ongoing who are still having their comments moderated in.
I have been involved over time in discussions with HG that have been viewed as challenge and/or criticism. I have been corrected where he perceived inaccuracy, and I have not always agreed with his interpretation of inaccuracy on my part or the correction that followed, but I have been allowed to air those views all the same and took the subsequent responses as attempted correction on his part and not a devaluation. If a non-narcissist perceives there is ongoing devaluation of themselves or feel they are witness to repeated devaluation of others, surely it would not be a place they would continue to participate either as a reader or contributor.
A fair, balanced and accurate comment NA.
NA sorry for commenting here but I can’t reply to Bubbles. Word ores is so f….. up! Bubbles you do know I had to reread that story again don’t you? 😂 xx
Dear FoolMe,
Haha yes! 🤭
It’s a good reminder story for us all 🦁🐯 heehaw
Xx
HG.
I am looking forward to reading your thoughts on my recent post.
Also, and especially, in regards to SFF’s (of any description).
At first guess, an initial and obvious observation about my post is likely to be something along the lines of that, “I am doing the precise thing that I criticise others of doing”, i.e. my focus on your followers’ need to demonstrate how much they have “learned”, and how “insightful” they have become due their involvement with your works.
Should this be the suggested outcome/accusation, please keep in mind that any such response to my comments is an “unavoidable circumstance” .. there being absolutely NO way, otherwise, to question and/or challenge the motivations, intentions and/or behaviours of others that I have raised.
Thank you for prejudging my response and also attempting to dictate the parameters of my response.
You would do well not to attempt to guess what my response will, particularly as you are so poor at doing so.
Not a pre-judgment .. just an unavoidable thought and where my mind went to. Happy to be “corrected” ..
No desire or need on my part to set any parameters either.
Dear HG,
Do you think you could analyze Susan Smith?? My aunts actually knew her and her family and I’d love to hear your analysis of her. Thank you for your time and replies. Xx ❤️ ❤️
@TBS, has anyone ever told you that you ramble on, and on, and on, and on, and on. It’s beyond boring at this stage.
Best,
DB
Oh seriously TBS. This blog is for everyone to share, not scare. I’m sure your brethren are on another blog. Might I suggest in a friendly manner that you go find them.
Best,
DB
What I have observed in this thread is one reason why i no longer participate frequently on the blog. Yet this is an undeniable opportunity for learning, which is why, I believe, that HG allows such comments to persist. I have greatly appreciated his clear and accurate responses, as well as many others.
We have witnessed a clear lack of insight and empathy, grandiosity, blame shifting, shaming, haughtiness, massive provocation, pity plays and much more demonstrated repeatedly by a few commenters that seem to thrive on discord. HG has taught us what this indicates.
I do not need to diagnose another. I simply know that these behaviors, when demonstrated repeatedly, tell me it is best to not feed/fuel the source. These gulls seem harmless from afar, but they keep circling back to the blog to squawk and dump on anyone who enters their sphere. They cannot be reasoned with nor change their behavior because they are gulls by design.
I’d like to thank HG and the many of the commenters who articulated fair, reasonable, educated and entertaining responses. I have enduring affection for many on this blog and immense gratitude.
FYC, love your comment, this has been my thinking also. The gulls definitely are making it a place less attractive to come to at all, let alone participate. The learning is still excellent of course, learning to avoid, ignore, is part of the process I suppose.
Thank you for sharing your views, FYC, good to read.
Thank you kindly, A Victor and ASP. The learning has been quite a lengthy process and I have made many mistakes along the way. It is one thing to understand intellectually and quite another to change behavior. I was a fantastic fuel pump for far too long. Thanks to HG’s materials and assistance, other commenters here, and an unrelenting desire to change, I am finally learning to simply observe, trust what I have learned, act accordingly, and be all good with that. The answers are all here. Acceptance of KTN knowledge is life-changing and affords greater strength and peace for all who pursue it.
FYC
I’ve just seen your comment. I’m sorry that you are you are at a loss for energy, or that someone or something is draining that energy from you. I understand that very well. FYC this is the first time in my life that I don’t feel as if I’m always walking on eggshells, either that or I was in fight mode. I finally found some peace and it feels amazing. Now I’m trying to learn how to handle someone if they try to disturb that peace. Oh FYC I hope someday you can visit that magical place and the ponies. Take care FYC. Hugs to you!! ❤️xx
FM1T, I’m so happy to hear you no longer feel the need to walk on eggshells. This is tremendous progress and certainly does free you up for more peace and joy. I will one day make it to the ponies, I would love it. Maybe next year. Thank you so much FM1T. Take care 🤗
FYC
I was hoping you would pop in to comment on this thread. I have always found you to be fair , honest, and logical. Did I forget very sweet and intelligent also?! I think it’s a shame that one of the reasons you do not post as often is because of threads like this. Some of us need people like you and NA on this blog. I cannot tell you how many times in the past I have learned from comments you have posted. You don’t sugar coat anything you use your intelligence and logic to guide you, and hopefully some day I will be able to do the same. But I can’t do that without people like the two of you. I know you are also very busy and that is another reason you do not post as often, that is understandable, but please do not let a few flybys stop you from commenting on here. There are more like me out there that don’t comment all of the time, or ever as far as that goes, but we read and we learn and you are one of those that we learn from. Thank you! Stay safe FYC. 😘❤️❤️
FM1T 💞 You are far too kind. Thank you for always bringing your beautiful heart and empathy and honesty to the blog. You are much stronger than you realize. I believe you can do anything. Look what you have already survived! Just trust yourself. This is key. Know what you know or have learned and trust it. You deserve to give yourself that gift.
I miss reading you. I have not been too busy for the blog, its more of a confluence of events and struggles that life brought my way. But I am grateful, because the learning and growth that comes from adversity is simply amazing. I wish it were easier to evolve haha. But when I am going through a lot I have far less energy to deal with added stress.
Sending you and the ponies lots of love and best wishes.
A pleasure to read, FYC.
Thank you kindly, Allison
My mind has drifted to the infamous Paul Keating’s, “Because I wanna do you slowly.”
I’ve also had, “How Low Can You Go” (Simon Harris), on repeat in my head for a day or so.
How worried should I be, HG?
TBS, ridiculous at this stage.
Best,
DB
TBS
I would suggest contacting a professional psychiatrist/therapist/psychologist
This is a blog for information on narcissism but HG is not a professional therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist
There is help out there
You are not alone!
“I’ll allow other commentators to provide their responses to your observations first. ”
Any other month that sentence would put you in danger of a logic point deduction from yourself, as it is you get points for politeness for not just giving permission to fire.
Some people find it amusing. Not everyone gets humilated or annoyed by it. Some do some do not. HG is a narcissistic psychopath. He has not pretended to be anything else. He has been honest. So you have to expect the responses from him, the way they are. It comes and it comes. Did you expect anything else?
For example when HG said to me that I had won the award for stating the blindingly obvious. I found it funny and responded with the question on whether I get a gold trophy or not.
Some people simply do not care if it is a corrective devalution. HG is a narcissistic psychopath. What do you expect? An empathic response? If so it is not going to happen.
This is a forum to learn about how narcissistic psychopaths are, directly from the Horse’s Mouth.
To think otherwise is just naiive.
A.
1. What you have described is NOT a corrective devaluation.
2. To re-state what should also be blindingly obvious .. It is not and has NEVER been about anyone, including yours truly, taking offence to a HG “corrective devaluation.
3. It is always about the behaviour thereafter of many “blog followers”.
Check out HGs post below for an interesting read:
https://narcsite.com/2023/08/13/knowing-the-narcissist-the-support-forum-fraud-3/
TBS,
You seem keen for us to refer to HG’s Support Forum Fraud article. I am familiar with the article but have just re read it as you suggested.
I found this part particularly interesting because I have indeed witnessed this repeatedly on the Narcsite blog.
“There is no doubt that our kind inhabit these places. Indeed, from time to time Lesser and Mid-Range Narcissists have appeared and frequented my blog. Easy for me to spot, but less so for others. Naturally, narcissists appear at other sites and forums, commenting and interacting. Those narcissists will gain some fuel from the interaction with the people on that forum, but more specifically they will look to befriend a fellow commenter or two….”
Befriending. Often disappearing then returning and leaping on unaware new commenters on the blog. Flattering, validating and more befriending just for good measure. Throwing around their false compassion, heaping on the old fake empathy, flexing their supposed intellectual muscle, whatever it takes really. Fuel is after all the rule, that and control.
They eventually leave with their tails between their legs, but they usually come back, no doubt beckoned in by the tantalising charm of the notification bell and accompanying reminder that we here are not under their control. The best part is when they attempt to recruit each other into their own little coterie, that really can be entertaining. It would be short lived of course. I’d be very curious to see that play out to its inevitable conclusion. Maybe one day.
Your suggested article is very relevant, I’m glad you drew my attention to it.
@TS.
.. the relevance of the SFF article in this discourse is the thinking and behaviours of some SF followers which are a direct result of their devotion to and general non-questioning approach to the SF leader/creator.
.. a SF leader does not need to be a SF “fraud” for an unhealthy dynamic and phenomenon between SF leader and SF followers to take hold.
.. i.e. it is not about narcissists infiltrating or utilising a SF for the prime aims in this case.
TBS,
Thank you for further explaining your point about that particular article.
I can’t speak for others, speaking purely for myself here. I have been commenting on the blog for roughly 4 yrs I think.
When I arrived I was uncharacteristically vulnerable. You might say ‘in a bad way’. Looking for answers about what turned out to be an online ensnarement. I was impressed that HG took the time to answer my questions. With skyrocketing ET post escape I readily admit HG was the methadone to my habit. That was me though, my ET, my addiction. In my view HG went the extra mile, answered me here and also on YouTube . I was feeling particularly low one night and HG again took the time to respond to my YT comment to fully correct my thinking. I stood my ground, I always stand my ground but he continued to correct. I have also attacked him. Just the once, on here, fairly early on. My ET was high, but that for me is zero excuse. I thought about it, tried to land a blow, did it on purpose. Again HG corrected and continued to correct. I felt awful the following day, came back on to apologise and it was apology accepted by HG. I have a great deal of respect for HG. I am grateful to him like many others here. I can say his conduct with me has been flawless since day one.
As time has gone on, as my ET has fallen, I have challenged HG about various articles and not once have I been spoken down to or dismissed.
I respect HG, respect his work ethic, intelligence and the courtesy he has extended to me over four years of moderating me in this place.
I don’t believe my gratitude and respect is unhealthy. I’m still here because I am fascinated by the information conveyed and the manner in which it is conveyed. I’m still here also because I want to pay it forward. The empaths here supported me when I needed support and I hope to be able to do the same for others. Again, I don’t see anything unhealthy about that either.
I am a different TS than I was when I arrived. When we are hurt, damaged by narc experiences, it might sometimes appear to an onlooker that there is an unhealthy loyalty to HG. I would say, give it time. Once the fog of ET clears, what is left is based more on respect and gratitude than any misplaced loyalty.
Tempers are frayed on this thread, perhaps what I have said will offer a degree of clarification. Perhaps it won’t.
Well stated.
You are such a short know-it-all. Who would bother listening to you? I bet half these responses are just you, with a zillion different accounts. Pathetic…
TBS, you have not been here long enough to dictate. Time to sit down and listen to HG and be respectful to other people. Kindness costs nothing.
Best,
DB
My sincere apologies if I am kicking a dead horse, here, peers and Mr. Tudor. I understand if this is unwelcome, unnecessary, or in need of editing. Do as ye shall. This really isn’t my place, however perhaps a new(ish) set of eyes can offer a different perspective.
TBS,
I have to wonder why what you perceive as HG’s devaluation means something to you. Why does this impact you so? You’re strangers, really you mean nothing to each other. So why does your perception of a stranger’s treatment of you cause you so much grief?
You feel slighted, clearly. You’re entitled to feel what you feel. Feelings aren’t wrong, nobody is wrong for feeling what they feel. Choices, though, dictate action. Behavior as an action manifests from the point where feelings and choices meet, so delineating between the two isn’t often easy. They feed each other.
You fear that you, and we all by extension, are being manipulated here. You underestimate yourself and every reader here while also overestimating HG’s influence over this audience. It’s easy to do. Erroneous, but easy.
Is it because you do not know his rules yourself, thus cannot validate that they are ethical? If you read between the lines carefully and are observant enough, it’s not difficult to figure out what their general jist likely is. I’ll not speculate out of respect, that line ought not be crossed. Give it some thought for yourself.
You’re right to feel uneasy. We’re guests in a predator’s den. We do not belong here.
That doesn’t mean there is no use or need for this place, though. Here, we’re learning to think like narcissistic psychopaths. To interact well, you must learn to choose to adopt some narcissistic and antisocial traits yourself in order to function within this dynamic. Reactivity illuminates the target on your back, so do not react. Do not invest emotionally. Do not reveal the full truth of who you really are to anyone. Listen to what isn’t being said just as must as what is being said. Where you see smoke, there’s likely also a mirror. Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know. Well, now they know. Reactivity’ll do that, that’s what happens when you let it go.
Some of us are capable of critical thought. Some of us realize that the precise mouth each and every syllable written and uttered come from is fundamentally biased in his own favor. Do you honestly expect anything less from him? I’d hope not.
What do you really think HG stands to gain, here, aside from fuel in varying forms, albeit at quite a low potency? Money? Fucking duh, next. What else? Some fuzzy sense of satisfaction for doing a good deed for humanity at large? Um… yeah, no, that’s not going to happen. What else? Information, perhaps, to refine his own character profiles and utilize in his day-to-day life…? I’m sure he does. Don’t we all take what we learn here and use it to our advantage however we are able? Isn’t that the point of this?
Questioning his motivations is understandable. Instinctive, really. It’s not unnecessary, either.
While I do not believe in good or evil, the principal of choosing the lesser of two evils applies. This minimizes fallout for all involved. Feeding one narcissist in order to starve those you know and repel those you’ll meet is a worthwhile trade-off. You need a little bit of venom to make antivenin, after all.
Project your self-victimization elsewhere. You will not be met kindly with that approach, here.
Years ago (4-5? Idk, I’m horribly time blind), I started participating here a little bit off and on, then more and more. After awhile, I emailed HG a sort-of victim’s impact letter intended to the more pressing of the two narcissists I’d known at the time. It was longer than I’d intended it to be, seething, scathing and oozing putrid vitriol. I mentioned identifying with that gaping chasm right at the epicenter of the narcissist’s predation. HG decided to test me with a legitimate corrective devaluation, with good reason. I’ve got strong narcissistic traits of my own and I am not above using them in self-defense. He’d mentioned in the comments of a later post how many lesser and mid rangers found him and wrote in, something about it being tedious. I’m not stupid, thank you very McMotherfucking Much, this was tactical. It hurt. I’ve got a prominent Echoist streak in me. Writing it took a lot out of me, editing it down did too, but it still was too much. I am “too much,” as always, so it seems to my trauma-addled nervous system.
Did it bother me what he and other commenters were saying? Yes and no. What helped me to distance from what I felt was taking a bird’s-eye view of what happened and where to go from where I found myself. Suspend emotional thinking. It will lead you astray every time. I hold no grudge for anyone here, be they a peer or HG himself. In his shoes, I’d be curious to see what’d happen, too.
If you pay attention, you’ll know exactly what to do and exactly what I did not do next. (Which is what you are doing, to be perfectly clear. You are doing what I did not do.)
Enough about me, though, this is too long as-is.
Triggered beyond your ability to reason? Perhaps it is in your best interest to take a break from this place for awhile. There’s no shame whatsoever in doing what is best for your health. You have nothing to prove to anyone, here. Prioritize yourself above all others. This is necessary to keep yourself and everyone else safe. When in Rome, do the narcissistic panto.
What are you trying to prove to yourself right now? That you’re right? That your perception is paramount? That you’re fit to shepherd this flock? Seeing your peers as sheep at all is disrespectful. I realize this is me putting words in your mouth – please understand this is a paraphrased analogy based on what I’ve inferred from observing you here. That’s the overall impression I get from you. Take it or leave it, it’ll still be there all the same.
It seems like you believe you’re being helpful. I recognize that you feel slighted and are expressing concern for everyone here in the comments. You are not going about this in a reasonable way, though, and you’re eschewing the best course of action you can take right now for the sake of feeding your ego.
There are no heroes, here. There are no lily-white, pristine and untainted victims. Not you, not me, not anyone whose been ’round stagnant narcissistic swamps. Spores spread, mold grows, we decay. Until we are willing to use whatever fungicide it takes to eradicate this organism, it will continue to grow and invite any who recognize its strain to feed on us. These molding wounds then necrotize. They can’t heal by themselves, they need intense, invasive care. Doing it is a fucking disgusting and agonizing process, but it has to be done if those wounds are ever to heal.
None of us can heal each other. None of us stand a chance in hell of healing anyone except ourselves. We can support and encourage each other. Show sympathy and empathy. Be kind. Make an effort not to be assholes to each other, no matter how tempting it is. But that’s setting the stage, not the show itself. That’s a one-person gig that plays out in your day-to-day life. Not here.
You cannot heal those wounds in you by force-healing them in others first. You are not a Jedi. You are not one with the force, the force is not with you. Perhaps you are force-sensitive, though. Reigning in that sensitivity is really fucking hard. It’s about self-control, not external control.
If you are not ready to sit with, examine and re-process what you perceive in the experience of being triggered, you should not be here. That goes for literally any and every reader here. Not for anyone else’s sake, for your own. You’ll do yourself more harm than good in the long run. Healing is hard enough. Give yourself your best opportunity to interact with this material and with this community from a mindful and centered place.
If you choose to respond, TBS, I will respond to you precisely once. After that, I’m leaving this conversation and not looking back. You’d be wise to set similar boundaries with yourself.
TBS,
What you don’t realize is that you’re the one devaluing and belittling us because we don’t agree with your narrative. I do not follow Mr. Tudor blindly. By saying that, you’re implying that I don’t have a mind of my own and I can’t make my own decisions. When I like one or Mr. Tudor’s comments, it’s because I agree wirh what he’s saying. Every time you say we’re doing it blindly, you’re dismissing us. That’s how I see it.
I stand by my original comment. I’ve never had a corrective devaluation from Mr. Tudor.
L.
Highlighting the difference between a “correction” and a “corrective devaluation” after weeks of incessant misinterpretation, lack of understanding, and ill-founded criticism toward those who dare to attempt to clarify or discuss as pertains to HGs bloggers, is not “belittling”. It’s unfortunate that you think it is,
TBS, you would be wise to listen to what other people are saying to you. They are trying to help you.
Best,
DB
TBS, you are a rarity, a true mind reader. Can you tell me what I think of your opinions?
A.
I do not claim to be a mind reader .. (but I’m willing to give it a try) 🔮.
I do know that I have awareness and insight into certain behaviour.
I don’t care whether you like that fact or not.
In terms of trying to read your mind A .. I’d say, “defensive, sarcastic, unsure, uncertain, envious, lonely, needy, grasping, angry”.
Wonderful, TBS! Those are certainly some of the thoughts I have about your opinions. You also could have included “tedious”. You probably didn’t want to show off. Modesty.
Now, let’s try another one for your visionary powers and that big, empty ball of yours: How many fingers am I holding up?
Walked straight into that one .
Nevertheless, as far as how many fingers goes – right back at ya A.!
Hello fellow bloggers ! Why do I come here to learn about narcissism and psychopathy etc… and meet interested folk. Great folk all of you! But on occasion I see endless attacks/defense. It reminds me of clan where one kills another and so it goes through history. Can’t we simply agree to disagree and not feel the need to diminish each other? Please let’s each take a moment and decide “ enough” “ Basta” “s’arret” and just move on with love, acceptance and kindness ? Maybe the old adage “ if you don’t have something nice to say , say nothing at all?” I ask each of you to consider why we are here and I respect all of you and wish you well! My mother used to say when things get tough, focus on doing the work. Let’s just focus all our energies to HGs work. I thank anyone who agrees. I do not mean to pick on this thread or anyone despite this reply … it’s just one attack/defense comment among many…but my fellow Empaths: swords up to the greater good! X to all
Well said Contagious. Your post was brilliant.
As for the people who create a disaray and provoke argument on this blog. All I can say to the others who are here for information and support.
Do not feed the trolls!
People, just ignore TBS. Nothing of interest or importance to see here. Just the TBS on the loose.
Best,
DB
(Redacted to remove ad hominem rule breach)
TBS, with the greatest of respect – ehh what??? You could not be more wrong if you tried. In no way is what you are saying correct. If you believe that then you have been accessing HG’s work with the wrong intention and/or you don’t understand the basis of HG’s work. Of recent times, I have been noticing that there seems to be a sort of scathing cynicism by some in there approach to reading and understanding HG’s work. Some of the posts by some people have been interesting to say the least. I am sure other regular commentators to this blog have also noticed the same thing. You are also one of the people I have seen posts from to HG, which not only show a clear misunderstanding of what this blog is all about but also seem to think that it is okay to bash HG. It is not. HG gives out advice, he also gives constructive criticism, and he corrects people when they misconstrue what he has said, or are trying to process their own thoughts, but are still in the overwhelming phase of processing what it is that they were ensnared with, and what they are posting is more anger filled than constructive commentating. If anyone is doing devaluing, I’m afraid to say it is you. You quite clearly have a hatred for narcs (either you were hurt by a narc, or you just have one of those personalities that wants to disrupt this blog. I don’t remember anyone voting to make you the mouth piece for everybody on this blog. People don’t click like to an article to show devotion to HG. They click like for the exceptional article that is written that gives them a much better grounding and understanding. Perhaps if you had a consultation with HG, he could assist you in getting a better understanding.
Best,
DB
DB.
Searched a bit, but could not locate, an emoji to depict my instinctive reaction to your comments .. something along the lines of .. “Whoosh! Straight over one’s head”, would have been great, but was not to be found.
@TBS, in your response to my comment, you have just proved the point of what everyone including HG have been telling you. Your childish, immature postings are to be viewed as nothing more than ridiculous, stupid, and a waste of people’s time and energy in reading them. I believe you to be someone who is jealous of HG, because HG is superior to you, in every way.
Best,
DB
@DB.
The fundamentals of the ensuing discussions did, unfortunately, go straight over your head. Whoosh! in every way possible.
No-one is forcing you to “waste your time and energy”, reading or responding.
Bored are we?
@TBS
you’re offended when people like HG’s comments that criticise what you say and you’re trying to cope with that by assuming their intentions. No way to verify what you’re saying and also you can’t control what comments are liked. Might as well get over it
@Witch, very well said. I very much agree.
Best,
DB
@Witch.
Again, “whoosh” is all I can say.
TBS, you really love attention don’t you? You have zero interest in learning and gaining assistance. You are only here to mock people and cause chaos. You are incredibly disrespectful. Your lack of intelligence is put on continuous show, your ridiculous comments of you trying to be ‘smart’ and thinking you´re funny and getting one over on other people is baffling and absurd. You are delusional at best. Again I repeat my comments – you are a waste of time and energy. Have a great day.
Best,
DB
(Redacted to remove ad hominem rule breach)
Aww shucks. Who let TBS out of the box. It was so quiet and peaceful. TBS get back into your box and stay there. No one is interested in reading your rubbish or wasting their time and energy dealing with you. More rubbish comments from TBS . TBS – time to grow up and conduct yourself like an adult.
Best,
DB
(Redacted to remove ad hominem rule breach)
I said it once, will say it again
Don’t feed the trolls.
There are some of those that linger, to absorb the light and suck in the precious fuel.
This thread is about questioning HG, asking him questions.
I myself am a meat eater, occasionally I enjoy a side salad but my favourite is steak with chips/fries.
Narcissistic word salads will may you go round and round. They also leave a bitter taste in your mouth. Use the knowledge from HG that you have learned. Do not feed the trolls.
Hello All, just going to throw something out there – enough of commenting on this thread, it is a mess of squabbling, some misunderstandings and so many back and forths with the he/she/they/we, all said this, that, and the other. Time to move on. HG has lots more excellent articles to be commented on. No need for all the bickering. This site is for understanding, healing, and most importantly a safe haven to discuss and get advice.
Best,
DB
Anna Plyance,
Anna Plyance says, “The issue of people mistaking a correction for a corrective devaluation might not so easily go away.”
If you or anyone else misinterprets Mr. Tudor’s correction as a corrective devaluation, then like Mr. Tudor said, that’s your problem not his.
Many of us want to learn and need his corrections and don’t mistake them for corrective devaluations. To assume that bloggers can’t tell the difference, is an error on your part. We’re smarter than you think we are.
Great comment Leigh, if nothing else, from the standpoint that so many here have experienced first hand corrective devaluations, the corrections that HG offers are glaringly different. And that’s not to mention that even if we’ve not experienced a corrective devaluation firsthand, most of us can see that a correction is not a put down, it’s informative, if we can and are willing to hear it. Some here are not able to see it for what it is. A corrective devaluation will so often not even be true, it is intended only to control, manipulate and “put someone in their place”.
Hi AV,
I agree. I’ve been in the receiving end of several corrective devaluations and they are markedly different than corrections to errors.
You said corrections are informative when you are able to hear it. I think that’s it in a nutshell. They can’t recognize it as a correction so it must be a devaluation.
Hi AV and Leigh,
I think we’ve all experienced devaluation correction from a parent(s), being we three are ACON and know the difference between a correction and a devaluation correction first hand. Hope you’re both well. Xx ❤️ ❤️
Exactly Rebecca, having experienced it, we absolutely do see the difference. As Leigh said, the ones putting us down are those trying to say we don’t know the difference, as if they alone, in their highly superior minds, can. They are in fact the ones who won’t listen to any honest correction but will instead feign offense and call it, incorrectly, a corrective devaluation. They are often ones who claim to never have been ensnared. I find that very interesting.
Hope you are well also.
Well said Leigh.
The haters are going to hate
To me these people are trolls. They are not here for support. They are here to criticise and troll. Not helpful in anyway.
HG is a narcissistic psychopath. He is not hiding what he is.
We are all here to gain knowledge and support with first hand knowledge.
I have no idea what these haters wish to attain here, but it certainly is not helping anyone.
I agree. They’re not helping at all.
A.
This mind-set of yours is one that could be at home amongst those blissfully ignorant “haters” .. who just hate on HW. No?
Speaking for myself, I don’t hate anyone .. least of all HG.
I respect and admire HG for his work. This doesn’t automatically mean I endorse everything that he comments or posts.
I do however VERY much dislike: hypocrisy, weakness of character, lack of gumption, idle bystanders, and/or hangers-on, especially those that are on this blog.
Take your pick.
TBS
This is a blog with information written by a self confessed narcissistic psychopath. Not a forum for bickering and squabbling.
I myself protect those who are weaker than me. I do not judge people. I treat people with respect and am polite. The way I was brought up.
Your comment “especially those that are on this blog”
Well I think the last paragraph sums it up splendidly.
You do not know these people in real life. Just as we do not know you.
Posting unpleasant messages and insulting people is not right. It does not belong on this blog.
There maybe fragile people who are here for information in support. Do not judge so harshly.
I do not take my pick as I have no need to devalue or put people down. It is not in my nature.
“Many of us want to learn and need his corrections and don’t mistake them for corrective devaluations.” — I agree, Leigh.
L.
.. It is not, blahdee, blah, and has NEVER been blahdee, blah, about anyone, including yours truly, blahdee, blah, taking offence to a HG “corrective devaluation, blahdee, blah.
It is always about the behaviour blahdee, blah thereafter of many “blog followers”.
Seriously Leigh.. that is polite.
By all means learn, but try to make sure you know what you’re talking about outside of that which you think you know,
Check out HGs post below for an interesting read:
https://narcsite.com/2023/08/13/knowing-the-narcissist-the-support-forum-fraud-3/
TBS,
Here’s your original comment:
HG, re your work on Guru Narcissists ..
It is interesting to me, the way some of your blog followers can be so quick to click the “like” icon, in relation to a sharp or corrective reply or retort from you sometimes sent to other commenters.
We are reminded all the time about the narcissist that you are and therefore whom we dealing with.
I know it is very easy to relax and forget that. My natural tendency would like me to think it is different, but I have to remember that it is not.
Do you believe there is, at least in part, somewhat of a “Guru narcissist” dynamic going on for some of your followers in relation to you?
Because I definitely do. ☮️
I’ve been following the whole time and I understood your premise. The problem is, I didn’t agree with it. Saying its a sharp or corrective reply or retort is your interpretation. For me, its just a correction. If someone likes Mr. Tudor’s correction, it doesn’t meant they’re blindly following him. Again, that’s your interpretation. I interpret it as, they liked his comment.
I stand by my original comment. We don’t agree with your interpretation, so you need to dismiss us.
Leigh, I give you a lot of credit. Given the disrespectful way TBS spoke to you, that would’ve been the end of it for me. What a bitch. Oh wait, there is an even better name for her…and a low functioning one at that, maybe LL? So obvious.
@AV.
If nothing else, my presence has definitely highlighted a lack of awareness by you and some other contributors to this bog.
Finger pointing straight at TBS… “HAW HAW”…
Leigh, I genuinely apologise for my off-handed reply to you. It was not appropriate.
To say that I am OVER the whole, not getting the difference between HG “correcting” someone, and what is an altogether other matter of a HG “corrective devaluation”, would be a hilarious, if it wasn’t so annoying, understatement.
A “corrective devaluation” (NOT a “correction”) isn’t always obvious to an untrained eye (impugnation of another’s experience is not intended) .. but this type of narcissist behaviour can often amount to nothing more than a mere snide couple or few words in, amongst or at the end of what would otherwise be considered from the outside a completely fair, friendly or dispassionate discourse between two people.
Fielding and/or assimilating several comments which are for the most part negative or semi-abusive requires a certain approach from me. I do not have the mental acuity of HG (far from it), nor am I able to entirely disconnect emotionally from the commenting that takes place as he does.
I also exist in an entirely other time zone to most on this blog, and despite trying to “discipline” myself (and mostly succeeding), to not check the blog more often than every few days at most, particularly if I’ve posted something I’m fairly confident will be controversial, I do sometimes relent if I’m bored or just plain shitted off, and then I dive in. This has occasionally resulted in some ill-thought out responses, not necessarily in their entirety, but in part.
My intention is not to simply be dismissive for its own sake. I do sometimes disagree however, and strongly at times with what is disseminated on this blog. As such I’ll continue for as long as I choose .. or am permitted – whichever comes first.
Which, if a poll were held today .. I’d confidently say my days are numbered!🗓 🙄
TBS,
I think you owe more than just Leigh an apology for your off handed remarks. You were rude and inappropriate to a good number of people here. I’m usually able to control my Geyser emotions better, but you’ve insulted me and been rude to me a few times and I’m not going to keep taking your abuse.
TBS,
I understand that newbies don’t understand the difference between a correction and corrective devaluation. It also doesn’t help when you muddy the waters and suggest that one of Mr. Tudor’s corrections was a corrective devaluation. I know its not my job but I needed to clear that up. If there’s one newbie out there that’s like me and left because of your erroneous comment, then that’s one less person getting the help they need. I wasn’t ok with that.
You don’t need to apologize to me. Your comment didn’t upset me personally. We’re both random bloggers on a blog. My only goal here was to correct a misconception that you started.
More wittering from a fool. Nothing to bore yourself with here. Best to move on people.
Best,
DB
@Leigh.
There is no misconception on my part re the topic of “Correction v. Corrective Devaluation”.
I don’t think it is humanly possible to have made my position on this more clear. Blerrrgghh!
My specific apology to you was done purely because of the lazy and sarcastic approach I took to addressing your comment .. which at the end of the day, as I’ve stated, are actually YOUR “misconceptions”.
Because your reply had been thought out and conveyed dispassionately, I wanted to set things right .. for many others on this blog I would not merit a similar approach.
TBS,
I think we’ll need to agree to disagree. I know from the outside looking in, it might look like I’m the one with the misconception. That’s not the case though. For the first time in over 50 years the puzzle pieces finally fit and that’s a direct result of what I’ve learned from Mr. Tudor and his work. There’s no misconception. I know Mr. Tudor is a narcissistic psychopath whose using us to meet his prime aims, which include control, fuel, character traits and residual benefits. We all fill them on some level. I think most bloggers here know that.
@Rebecca.
“Come in spinner!” (Look it up).
Trust you to chime in with holier than thou, sanctimonious, misplaced, self-important BS, along with presumptions about the nature of narcissism, empathicalism and otherwise.
You should seriously consider putting a sock in it (from my standpoint, a stinky one) .. but what do I know? 🙄
TBS,
Responding to your comment from 15:29 on Sept 2, 2023:
Your comment is just showing an example of blame shifting, the only one acting self important and talking bs is you. You’re the one who claimed others were ignorant of the content about narcissist, narcissism and about empaths. I know I’m an empath. As HG says, go to the evidence and think it through logically, there you have your answer. It’s what I do and logic says I’m an empath.
HG, do you think Tony Robbins is a Narcissist? Perhaps even a Greater?
Dear HG,
Please could you do a blog or dissect Lucy Letby. It is so awful and evil what she did. It looks like Munchhausen by proxy. Her denials and how she was caught red handed. I would love to hear your view on her, especially as there is not that much information on female serial killers. In my view she is one! After the terrible crimes she committed against the most precious innocent members of our society.
I don’t know about Munchausen syndrome proxy since AFAIK she wasn’t creating fictitious illnesses in the babies..? But looks to me like clear evidence of narcissism with psychopathy.
Aileen Wuornos (“monster, USA”), Elizabeth Bathong ( the blood countess, Hungary) , Myra Hindley ( the moor murders uk), Rosemary West (197os UK), and there are more but men seem to dominate …
HG says to TBS:
“I have a limited amount of time to address the blog. I have explained previously and also in the rules that I aim to let shorter comments through as they are faster to deal with. This means longer comments and ones with questions take longer to moderate and they can sometimes sit in moderation for some time. Established users are aware of this. After a period of time, I may have opportunity to “blitz” these parked comments and reduce the queue. It all depends on my commitments and available time. In some instances I am not in a position to provide an answer and a comment is now answered, simply based on time.”
TBS says:
HG. Thank you for your reply.
I’ve no doubt that this is true and accurate in many cases.
However based on what I’ve experienced with a high-functioning narcissist, it is a bit much to expect that you, a Greater/The Ultra narcissist would not habitually/instinctively manipulate this particular circumstance to suit your own need for control, as with everything else.
Those who have commented on the blog for a long time know that what I have explained with regard to the method of moderation is correct. The evidence demonstrates that to be the case as opposed to your presumption, which whilst has some foundation because of what I am, is not applicable for the reason I have explained. I direct you to the Truth, Half Truth and Nowhere Near The Truth. I will use the truth as it is understood through the majority perspective where it serves my purposes and the truth of the process of moderation is as I have explained.
Don’t like it? Leave.
I find it disrespectful to you as you provide a valuable service. I wish it would stop. I honestly don’t get it.
Oh stupendous, more witterings from TBS. Why must TBS bore us with these awful posts. TBS you are unmannerly towards the host, ghastly towards the contributers. I mean, what point are you trying to make? Anything you say is very much Lost in Translation and beyond boring.
Best,
DB
HG, I don’t know if this has been asked and answered, but have you ever read the book by Anton Corbijn on his work with DM? If you have, what did you think of it?
It is waiting for me when I return home.
HG,
I am mildly interested as to why you grace this Anna Plyance character with so much of your precious time, surely this attention seeking is the only thing that she wants.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion and views may vary depending upon a number of factors, one’s personal morals, their upbringing, race, religion, brain cells, etc. but this Anna character just appears to constantly whine and complain, especially with those who dare to have an alternative view to hers and or those who agree with your views HG.
I am in no doubt that she will see this and have an opinion, negative if true to character, so I would ask her the question, why do you remain here, arguing and posting negativity ?
I leave myself wide open here for a barrage of abuse from her but I simply cannot understand why she continues to post this argumentative nonsense, there is a saying, ‘if you are in a hole, stop digging’.
Just in case the comment is that I am jealous or envious of the comments/replies between you both, I can honestly say that I am not worried in the slightest, I have read the replies given by HG and while I find them extremely amusing they are nothing to cause me any concern.
Thank you HG, sending you copious amounts of love ❤️ xxx
Anna Plyance receives but a fraction of my time, Carole.
HG,
Thank you for your reply.
Your tolerance of this person is commendable, even a fraction of your time is too much.
Sending you love xxx
Great post Carole
I concur with everyhting you said.
Thank you Anna 🙏🏽
“Just in case the comment is that I am jealous or envious of the comments/replies between you both, I can honestly say that I am not worried in the slightest, I have read the replies given by HG and while I find them extremely amusing they are nothing to cause me any concern.”
Now that’s just plain weird and a little bit scary .. I’m still trying to remove a look on my face of just having eaten something extremely distasteful minutes after reading this.
Also, just in case C .. Anna Plyance has much to offer, although fawning over HG is not one of them.
TBS,
thank you very much for saying that. I am always interested to read your comments, because they can lead to intense discussions and new insights (even or maybe especially when they turn into a game of Chinese whispers), and they also make all of us show our true colours. By the way, I am quite prepared to fawn over HG as much as he can bear, only it is somewhat doubtful he would take it seriously after all the stuff I’ve hit him with. But if I didn’t hold him in such high regard, I wouldn’t bother in the first place.
There are lots of other memorable words from history worth paying attention to also C ..
Some more recent and relevant examples might be:
Arctic Monkeys and “Loretta Castorini”,
i.e. “Snap out of it”.
I really hope you do.
It is irrelevant what you hope for where I am concerned but I thank you for your comment.
It always amuses me why people who I do not know and who do not know me feel entitled to give me advice regarding how I should or should not feel about HG.
For the record I am quite capable of making my own informed decisions about someone, should HG wish to knock my hip out I will be most agreeable and should things go wrong, well you can say, “I told you so”.
I hope that your face recovers from the apparent distasteful comment that I made, although why you feel that the world should all see things through the same eye puzzles me, we are all different and unique and I accept this, maybe you should try 🤷♀️
Anyone able to translate this?
Baffling.
Best,
DB
HG,
I’ve mostly stayed out of the back and forth on this thread.
I do wonder sometimes about the continuation of the blog when there are other more profitable avenues to take. There is no sentimentality with a narcissist so it does niggle. It niggles because this blog IS needed. The blog was a lifeline to me when I needed one. Having my comments moderated, my misconceptions corrected, and my thoughts accepted made the world of difference to me, still does.
I don’t say thank you to you all that often, but I’m saying it now. Thank you for moderating me for all of this time, for your patience in answering my questions and, for facilitating my standing my ground and saying my bit even on the occasions when we don’t necessarily see eye to eye. ( I’ll never agree to using ‘it’ haha! )
No doubt I will be seen by some as a blind cult follower for sending this comment. That’s fine, snipe away, I really couldn’t give a monkey’s chuff.
You are appreciated HG. Thank you.
Thank you TS. You are correct that there will come a point where I will pursue more profitable outlets. I appreciate your continued balanced and constructive input in this place.
Dear HG,
Please please please keep the blog as well though. Thanks in advance!
Dear HG,
I find the blog, most of the time, very beneficial and supportive of your viewers and supporters. I appreciate your time, comments and work you put into the blog and I also appreciate the comments from encouraging and supportive viewers and followers. I hope it stays operating for a while. Thank you for all you do. Xx❤️❤️
I would imagine that discussions on the blog often spark ideas for content. The blog could still prove useful moving forward, a testing ground for future content before wider release for example. All forms of content. It might be that repurposing would prove more beneficial than closure. It might also be that a platform change for the blog would tick more boxes from your perspective.
Is my Saviour showing again? Probably.
In terms of my input, my pleasure HG.
Truthseeker
I so recognize this saviour behaviour because I have it too. Along with inner fear of abandonment. I try to be creative and save individuals and relationships. Your comment demonstrates that it is an important trait in some cases.
Thank you AC, that’s a kind thing to say.
Xx
AC and TS,
Examples like this, this exchange between you two, is one of the reasons I enjoy this blog so much….the sense of belonging, kinship and support. It’s touching and beautiful to see. Xx ❤️ ❤️
Me too Rebecca, I haven’t found another blog to compare to this place. Accurate information and plentiful support, a real kinship.
Xx
Dear HG,
Being a newbie (and being me), I wanted to be all cool, aloof, unaffected, and shit. And so I maybe haven’t said it, but I appreciate the incredible amount of good work this blog represents. And I’ve never been as assisted or entertained by anyone else.
Ah, what the hell.
I’d really miss it if you stopped the blog.
Dammit–I’d miss you too. Thinking about it made me sad. And you may not know this, but I’m one moody bitch. I hope you keep it around for some time longer. And you in this format.
That is all.
Thank you Allison.
I agree with what you’ve said, TS. Thank you for saying it. I just watched videos for some time (I love the the tone/cadence of HG’s voice) before coming here. Then I read for some time before actually asking anything…and since asking those first questions, I’ve allowed my curiosity to take over…and Mr. Tudor has been extremely generous with his time in answering my questions. I’ve learned so much from Mr. Tudor’s personal responses and moderation. It is invaluable, and I hope that many more people will find the work here and learn and grow from it for as long as Mr. Tudor considers it to be achieving his aims. I don’t know that anyone but Mr. Tudor could have gotten through to me.
Hi Dani,
You do ask some really great questions. I sometimes see HG’s responses listed out and then have to trawl back through the thread to match them up to your questions haha!
Agree, I’m fully healed now but when I landed here I was in a bad way. I don’t think anyone but HG could have got through to me either at that point. I didn’t listen to the videos much at the start, I prefer to read but the other empaths here also played a huge part in my recovery. Ensnarement makes you feel very alone I think. Here on the blog, I wasn’t alone.
Xx
“Here on the blog, I wasn’t alone.” — That matches my sentiments, too, TS.
Hi Dani,
Dani says, “I don’t know that anyone but Mr. Tudor could have gotten through to me.” Well said, Dani. I feel exactly the same way.
Same. There would’ve been excuses. It had to be HG.
AV, Leigh, TS, AspEmp and a few others,
Have all helped me feel supported here and that’s so important when you’re made to feel worthless and shitty by a narcissist. It makes a big difference to feel that support. Xx ❤️ ❤️
Of course, HG gave me the answers I needed in the beginning, and I’m still learning here. HG also gave and gives me slaps of logic I need at times. My ET still isn’t where I wish it were, but I’ve lowered it some, on most days. 😆
Just wanted to say thanks for the support , the shared understanding, the kinship and the knowledge here. Xx ❤️ ❤️
Hi Rebecca,
This blog, Mr. Tudor and many of the bloggers are really something special. I really do appreciate it all. Thank you for all your support too!
Hi Rebecca,
Right back at you 🙂 I really appreciate our conversations and the genuine kindness and openness you bring along with you.
Xx
To Rebecca,
thank you so much for that xx (RE: NC / plans). You too 🙂 xx
https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-12/#comment-448013
You’re very welcome, AspEmp xx
Dear HG,
Loved your series on narcissists that almost fucked up. I have a question about the criteria of missing the fuck up train. You said that Jimmy Savile missed the train because he was not caught during his life. You also believe (and I fully agree) that Rasputin missed the train because he left an enduring legacy, in addition to having a great deal of power, influence and sex during his life. You think that Jimmy Savile would not much care about his legacy. Why? Is it because he was in a field where one is quickly forgotten? Or do you think that only a Greater narcissist (and, of course, the Ultra) care about their legacy?
Savile would care about his legacy but he was not around to see it crumble, therefore it did not affect him.
Great questions ISMW, ones I too had wondered about. I am enjoying that series a lot also.
HG.
It would appear I have earned my stripes then.
No, you have only been commenting since January.
I have only been commenting as TBS since Jan, but was in the background under another blog handle prior to that .. mostly watching, reading & reviewing, not so much commenting, if at all. If flapping ones gums “blog wise” is the required criteria, then I would be a newcomer, but I do not apply the same criteria.
What was the other blog handle?
You are a newcomer both by definition and understanding, so your attempt to apply alternative criteria fails.
Have it your way HG .. as you always must.
As I thought, there is no other handle.
Dear HG,
TBS just gave a great example of a porky 🥧 pie….Can’t name another handle because there isn’t one. What was that about a hanging rope??
No HG. Deciding not to tell you the details of the other handle does not equate with there not being one. I still have it.
No, you don’t.
HG, I wouldn’t even bother. TBS is a waste of your good time and energy. TBS is nothing more than an attention seeker at best, with the knowledge, intelligence, and wit of a fool. Move on, nothing of interest to see when referring to anything to do with TBS.
Best,
DB
@Rebecca.
“Enough Rope”, a concept injected by me into these particular discussions.
To provide you with an accurate understanding about the saying of, “to give someone ENOUGH ROPE” ..
Just so you know, it ‘s about giving someone enough rope, i.e. to allow someone to accomplish his or her own downfall by his or her own foolish acts.
Which under the circumstances, is ironic.
TBS,
Glad to see you know what it means too and your continued comments are a prime example of what I mean, giving you enough rope….you just keep showing everyone, including HG, what you are over and over again, and I don’t mean a narc, just showing you’re a rude, ignorant and not happy with yourself, type of person, make with that , what you want.
@Rebecca.
I seem to have really got under your skin, unintentionally of course.
Most recently noted is your thinly veiled attempt to triangulate HG with our disagreements/discourse. Very poor form.
My advice .. look inward and be brave.
TBS,
Logic is wasted on you.
Again, questionable posting. Very much Lost in Translation.
Best,
DB
TBS – jog on. No one is interested. You are disrespectful and ignorant.. Go find your own brethren. It won’t be too long before you BORE your own brethren and they also will want nothing to do with you as well. I wouldn’t usually say this, but I will here, you are a narc of the lesser range.
Best,
DB
(Redacted to remove ad hominem rule breach)
@Annaamel
I understand.
I recently listened to a prominent family therapist (on a health and longevity podcast). I started thinking that marriage counselors can do a lot damage, because they focus on what each party can do to improve the relationship and have little understanding of narcissism.
HG, based on consultations and observations, do you think marriage counselors do damage to victims married to narcissists ?
Many of the people who I consult with have had unhelpful or damaging advice provided by counsellors who did not recognise narcissism.
Dear HG,
If I may add my own, personal experience here…??
Hi In So Many Words,
I’m one of the ones HG spoke about. I was seeing a Marriage counselor and I’m married to MLSOMATIC narcissist. My counselor said, on several occasions that I knew more than he did about narcissist and narcissism, which I found odd for him to admit to, when he disregarded HG’S analysis of my husband, through the narc detector, and told me, HG doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s not a licensed therapist like he is…..but, yet I knew more than him about narcissist…..hmmm….Anyway, he encouraged me to work it out with my husband and he also said, that it was his job to keep marriages together, not break them up.. so he was basically telling me, he wasn’t going to really tell me the right thing to do for my health, he had an agenda based on his job expectations of him. ….so, I stop seeing him and started regular Consultations with HG and I might add, I haven’t regretted dumping the “licensed” therapist for someone, HG, who’s going to tell me the truth of my situation and not bullshit me into staying with MLSOMATIC husband. You can see, I’m real and HG speaks the truth.
Now it would be great, if HG had a halfway house for escaping empaths from their spouses… .I dreamed that he was running a type of boarding house…it’s sounds like a great idea….It might happen 😀 😄 xx
Thank you, Rebecca. And thank the universe that HG is not a licensed psychologist. The unreasonable (in my opinion) rules of the profession would have hindered him from providing the incredible content that he provides, at least in the US. Therapists are not allowed to diagnose anyone they did not examine in person; have to follow established diagnostic classifications; and can’t tell their clients what to do. But the biggest problem with therapists is that most don’t understand narcissism.
In So Many Words,
My husband was a client of his too, so he could see the behaviors and such from him, himself. Sorry, didn’t clarify that, we were seeing him together and separate. I didn’t know they have restrictions on what they can do for their clients, seems kinda counter productive not to offer real advice and guidance….pointless really…he did say to me, on our last day of communication that , my husband’s behavior tend to revert to bad behaviors and then get better, back and forth. I told him, yeah, that’s a narcissist behavior for you right there, at least an indicator. HG taught me that, you know the one without the license….he’s right on the mark. Xx
You’re welcome, In So Many Words, sorry for not saying that earlier….been a bit distracting with everything going on, sorry. Xx
Sorry HG, if my question offended you, I meant nothing by it. Xx
AspEmp,
I dropped that therapist months ago, he wasn’t doing anything for my situation. I’m glad I made you happy. Xx it was the best decision for me, HG is better at guiding me and giving advise. 100% xx
Rebecca, it is so good to read that you dumped that “therapist”. Such a wise & worthy investment (for your future) to utilise HG’s consultations, in preparation for your escape & eventual freedom.
I like the idea of boarding houses. It is similar to what is available now ie Witness Protection (programmes).
Because of my situation, circumstances and with the knowledge I have gained through KTN / HG’s work, I have planned a stronger NC regime when the time comes. A prime example may include when it comes to utility companies change, use a new email address, reducing the possibility of ‘cross pollution’ so to speak. I use one email address for my bank and no other ‘contact’ in that (the bank account cannot change as it’s needed for paying bills etc, hence separate from utilities email address). Separate email addresses for Personal (friends); Private (ie car insurance, one-off purchases ie Amazon); WordPress etc. What this may lead to is less Third Party cold-calling ie Marketing! Sometimes I tell them I do not have a mobile phone 🙂 Thus, giving myself ‘power’ and ‘control’ (as well as security / safety of my details).
This was further “imposed” due to the small print on my GP’s website stating “we cannot guarantee the security of your data” – I thought ‘fk that’, I will limit what contact information I pass on. Having said that, I trust HG and I explained to one of my friends (she suspected a narc boss), so I informed her what actions I took (so that she can decide to do whatever she needs, if required).
You may have already read some of what I have typed here somewhere else, to someone else on KTN. Apologies for repetition 🙂 Apologies for long comment 🙂 Good to see you doing good 🙂 x
AspEmp,
Can you imagine an Empath boarding house run by HG, or one of the lieutenants?? I dreamed it, I can imagine it. 😆
Hopefully your NC goes well, when you can activate your plans. Xx
No worries about the repetition and long comments, I do my share here . Xx It’s always nice to chat with you. I hope you’re well.
Hi, Rebecca–
Glad you stopped seeing that counselor. He sounds like a special kind of ass clown.
Rebecca,
I was just thinking the same thing yesterday. A half way would be ideal. I would even pay. I just need somewhere I can go to collect my thoughts, regroup and charge ahead.
Leigh,
I did tell HG about it, I thought it was a good idea too. I’m not sure HG would go for it…😆 xx
Hi Rebecca and Leigh,
I want to clarify that when I was talking about the harm that therapists do, I was talking primarily about family, marriage and a couples’ therapists. I believe that once you are out and no contact, the right therapist can help quite a bit. And the right therapist is one who has training and experience in trauma and C PTSD focused therapy. They can help heal.
HG, as he keeps eloquently and clearly reminding us, is a narcissistic psychopath, devoid of empathy and compassion. He would inflict physical and emotional torture if it served him. We are lucky that it serves him to help us and not to torture us. People are drawn to psychopaths, especially particularly intelligent and charming ones like HG. We are lucky he has no interest in starting a cult. At the moment.
“At the moment” ha ha!
Hi ISMW,
I’m not a fan of therapists. I believe most don’t truly understand narcissism and can’t actually help. My former best friend is a psychologist. I also believe she’s MMR B. I’ve never done the narc detector on her but the red flags are every where. Before I realized she was a narc we would have conversations about narcissism all the time and she had no clue. None whatsoever. She even told me that she barely learned about it in school.
Maybe therapists can help heal. I don’t know. For now, I prefer to try and help heal myself by using what I’ve learned from Mr. Tudor. Maybe I’m shooting myself in the foot. Who knows. But Mr. Tudor is the only one who finally made the puzzle pieces fit. Everything finally makes sense because of Mr. Tudor.
With all of the said, I’m fully aware the Mr. Tudor is a narcissistic psychopath devoid of emotional empathy and uses us for residual benefits and acquire our character traits. I’m ok with that though because he gave me clarity and validation. It was well worth it.
ISMW, my experience with therapists, which was not just a little sadly, was that they looked at my “issues” as things I needed to fix, my problems. “Go home and give yourself 5 affirmations a day.”. “Listen to this song every morning, and you will be healed.” “Talk to him/her, repeat back what he/she says in your own words, for clarification.” Great advice if not dealing with a narc and the issues are low self esteem or communication problems. But the underlying “issue” was completely missed and the burden of change was, yet again, placed on me. HG took that burden off of me and gave me a straightforward way of dealing with the issues, recognize what you’re dealing with and implement No Contact. Only when I had been released from the issues and given a solid way to make change in this way, was I able to make progress, and it has been leaps and bounds as opposed to decades of trying to fix myself. It is a sad commentary of a profession to not be able to recognize something that is so instrumental in causing massive damage and instead inflicting more damage by telling the victim it is something wrong with them. Also sad that we pay a lot of money for their “help” and yet so often end up needing to diagnose and correct the situation for ourselves anyway.
I loved your “At the moment. ” by the way!
A Victor, thank you and all valid.
I have not gone to a therapist, but I kept hearing from a well-meaning close friend, who believes in personal responsibility, that I need to see my part in the degradation of the relationship, because it takes two to tango. I could not understand why I felt angry at my friend (I did not show it); she seemed so reasonable. But if you think you are both dancing tango and he is breakdancing while you continue to tango, it gets dangerous fast. And I could not see my part in it because I needed to correct my vision. It was like looking at a two-dimensional picture in 3D glasses and expecting to see clearly. HG gave me the glasses to see the two-dimensional world of the narcissist for what it is. HG, if you think my metaphor is not accurate, let me know.
I still believe the right therapist can make a big difference, particularly once you are out, and if listening to HG’s pure logic is not enough to heal. But just as I appreciate the logic and evidence based approach, and carefully select the few podcasts and youtube channels that adhere to it, I appreciate that the right therapist has to be selected carefully and they are in the minority. It needs to be a therapist who understands narcissism and is trained in Complex PTSD. And who is not a narcissist.
Thanks HG for allowing me to share my experience and I wanted to respect the consultation agreement between us. Xx
You’re welcome, In So Many Words. Xx
Very true, H.G.! They know poo about NPD over here!
I got my “likes” back on WP! Woo-hoo!
LOL!
@Rebecca Really sorry about your aunt, that you lost her. Sounds like someone you cared about and was close to.
Thank you Another Cat ,
She was a good person and someone close to me. Thank you for your kind words. Xx I’m relieved to know her daughter is taking in my aunt’s little dog. I was concerned about her dog, she loved that little girl. I’m glad her daughter has her family around her and she’s being supported. I know she was especially close to her mom. I’m relieved she’s OK. Her mom, my aunt, was a special person and will be missed. I have no doubts that she was an empath. Xx
HG, 1. Do you still make that yearly pilgrimage to the lake ?
2. If so do you still go alone ?
3. If you do go alone do you ever wish that you could tell someone in order to take them with you for some sort of solace, it sounds like a difficult time for you.
Sending love and strength to you (even though I know that you do not require it)
Thank you HG ❤️❤️❤️
1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. No.
HG I was all over YT last night and saw your DM videos. What a show. It’s been ages since I’ve seen them live (RIP Andy Fletcher). I don’t know how David Gahan stays so alluring as he ages but oh my, does he ever….
Agreed!
Joanne, they are amazing live. They are touring again at the moment and next year. I was lucky enough to see Depeche Mode live. I highly recommend it.
Just amazing! I saw them way back in 2013. One of my favorite shows. I am definitely considering going again when they come through later this year! <3