Never Let Me Down Again

I have exacting standards. It is important to do so in order to achieve success and make my mark on the world. Owing to this, I hate being let down. If you tell me that we are meeting for lunch at 1pm then I expect you there at 1pm. Politeness is the punctuality of kings. If you are late you are telling me that you do not value my time. That is unacceptable. If you explain that you can deliver the product I want, the way I want it and in the colour I have chosen, I expect you to adhere to that. I am not interested in excuses. I will exert my influence as far as I can to ensure that what I have been promised is provided. I will cajole, coerce, persuade and harass to ensure the outcome is as was confirmed to me. Hotels, restaurants, shops, online providers, sporting venues, bars, people, products – all of them have been subjected to my precision and desire for high standards. I provide excellence in my profession (of course aided by a legion of underlings but it is at my direction).

Nobody likes to things to be wrong do they? Nobody wants a blue car when they asked for black. Nobody wants the wrong name or age on their birthday cake. I am sure I am not alone in my desire to achieve error-free services, goods and people. That is a laudable sentiment. Should I fail to deliver on my promises then it will be because I have been let down first. I have an aversion to disappointment and my failing can only arise as a consequence of the neglect and negligence of another. Each and every day I strive to ensure that I am not left flailing in the wind, as dejection cuts through me as a consequence of having been let down. It cannot happen again.

Where does this demand for delivery and high standards come from? It comes from my dread and fear of being let down. I cannot stand it. It breaks me in two and rips open a wound that has never properly healed. Being let down undermines me, makes me feel unwanted, unnoticed and unappreciated. All things which are anathema to me. He let me down all those years ago. I relied on him. Well, we relied on one another. It was, or at least it was as I thought, an unbreakable bond. I looked to him and admired how he carried on, when all hope seemed to have gone. The towering waves of misfortune and misery would crash against him but he was always unbroken and unbowed. He said that he would always look after me. He told me that he would protect me against those slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. I knew the world was a dangerous place, a cruel domain which showed no mercy and took no prisoners. I had seen with my own eyes what this place had done and could do. I was under no illusion as to the harshness of the vagaries of treading along the mortal path. He listened to my hopes and fears and he understood them like no other. He made me feels safe and wanted. I hung on his every word, mimicked what he did and pledged my unswerving loyalty. He accepted my fealty with open, gracious arms and I fell into them, safe in the knowledge that nothing could tear us apart. He promised me that,

“I will never let you down.”

I still hear his voice saying those words. But he did. He left. He let me down.

62 thoughts on “Never Let Me Down Again

  1. Kasia says:

    It seems like your father had gone and you were raised by a single mother.
    But even if your family were full, you would be a narcissistic psychopath too because people are born with psychopatic traits. bacause they have changes in the brain that results in lack of remorse and empathy (however if you’re a sociopath we can blame other people) I’ve heard a theory that narcissism is a result of invalid bringing up a child.
    Psychopaths and sociopaths have also many narcissistic traits 🙂

  2. Dan says:

    It seems you hard an amazingly nasty teacher in your early life that left a gaping whole in his absence. Is this incorrect?

    I am sorry for your loss and suffering in it. Following that my assumptions are true do you feel anger now? Anger in that he left? Frustration that he helped teach the ways of your kind, or a twisted gratitude? Taking your talent into consideration, and the fact that you would be a giant source of pride for a fellow narc, he must have left on a permanent basis. Is this true? Was it your father, or a father figure?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Dan, the nasty teacher was not the person who departed.

      Thank you for your kind comments. It was not my father and wasn’t a father figure either.

      1. cannot wait for the reveal. cleverly elusive HG. 😉

  3. alexis2015s says:

    Great stuff. Thanks HG

    There are many more things I’d like to learn about. Some are likely quite specific in relation to my N which I have yet to FB you about and others more generic.

    In your future book about going NC I think something which would have helped me a lot in the early stages of recovery and which I’m still of course interested in. Would be how much pain we inflict on the N by doing this. It helps us immensely, this, as you know is the very little power we have when we’ve been reduced to lacking power and control.

    I was luckier than most. My experience was short lived and I was not living with the N. I knew he wasn’t making me feel nice but did not know why. Thankfully for me though I never acted crazy, never questioned him, if he didn’t text, I didn’t either. And then I went NC I did so without giving him any clue that I was going to do this.

    I’m also interested to know (though not enough for a book) about faking illness etc for attention.

    This example wasn’t faked but I understand some do fake it.

    Anyway, I had an N friend (lucky only a friend and nothing more) some years ago, took me a while to work it out. But one thing stuck with me. He’d been in hospital following a tragic accident where he had to have one of his arms amputated, I recall how happy he was when I went to visit him. His mother and I went to the canteen together. Where she said to me that this was the happiest she’s ever seen her son. Which I thought a little odd at the time as most people would have been traumatised by this. But the trauma never followed ?

    I’m also very interested in your book about sex with your kind. There certainly seems to be a real divide between those who like it a lot (not in a meaningful way) and those like you who use it as a tool in their seduction.

    So many more things I’d like to know about, so I’ll message more.

    Keep writing HG keep writing. I love the knowledge you share with us and look forward to your daily updates.

  4. alexis2015s says:

    Freedom. Even if he remains with her due to the fuel she is able to provide her life will be miserable.

    My N sister (low level) had a high status job, owned three houses was very successful. Married a pure psychopath within six months of meeting him. They’ve been married for about 15 years now. It was all glorious to begin with but he has reduced her to a shadow of her former self. Not a place you’d want to be.

    Please don’t be jealous of her or him. It is not a life you want to live at all, heartbreaking as it is.

    And never ever doubt yourself. Another thing we all do because they are so convincing.

    Yes reads all of HGs books, I read them all one after the other.

    Patiently waiting for the next one HG…………

    Do you have a friend whose been through a similar experiences as you ? Who could support you through this ? It’s invaluable.

    Friends who have not been though this will of course want to help but they cannot even begin to understand what it feels like. So to those friends I carried on pretending like nothing had happened, ‘fake it til you make it’ attitude.

    But I was fortunate to have a friend who was going through the same thing at exactly the same time. And we helped each other through this.

    You will get there freedom. But you will need to take ownership of all your feelings and unanswered questions yourself as he wont ever give you any closure.

    It may also be worth googling ‘cognitive dissonance’ and ‘trauma bonds’. Which can explain somewhat what you’re going through.

    HG do you have any more books in the pipeline ??

    1. malignnarc says:

      Thank you Alexis, I am sure Freedom will find your comments of interest and helpful. In terms of further books there are plenty in the pipeline. I am working on Fury (all about narcissistic rage), No Contact (THE guide to achieving it from the narc point of view) and as yet an untitled one regarding the role of sex for my kind. I am writing those three at the moment but have material etc for a further ten which I will be working through as and when my fuel harvesting allows. If there is a particular topic you would like me to write about, please do say and I will definitely consider it. Thank you for reading what has been written so far.

      1. alexis2015s says:

        Also, trauma bonds and why we become so addicted would be a helpful one. I’ve done a lot of reading on this, but hearing it from you me perspwcitove would be enlightening

        1. Freedom says:

          Thanks Alexis, some days I just feel like I’m going round in circles and being eaten up and consumed with this angry and hate he’s created within me. Almost feel like I’m turning into one of their kind. At the moment I just feel unable to allow him to get away with this and continue his rampage its a constant fight with myself. I know deep down that what he and his new prey are up to shouldn’t worry me as its nothing to do with me but I suppose its just down right jealousy on my part that she’s enjoying the things I’d planned out and what he is most certainly passing off as his own adventure ideas. Don’t even think he knew what the Taj Mahal was till I mentioned it. I would like to have gone there when I visited. He just goes from strength go strength life is so unfair. This surely must be hell.

          I am also interested in the sex element from the perspective of a narc as my ex in the beginning was always saying he had a high sex drive hoped I could keep up with him, where in reality I never saw that high sex drive he was either ill, tired or ‘ working’. In the very early days I suppose it was all new and a bit frantic but soon dwindled to almost never. When I mentioned it he would say well you never instigated it ! I did but was always knocked back. I read a message ( which he doesn’t know I’ve seen which he sent to a colleague after only being in India for a week or so saying his libido had gone through the roof and he could demonstrate if she liked. ? This person was in Poland with her fiancé and child !! I’m not sure if he’s just all talk and no action. He also made reference to losing weight and becoming a new man however when he returned home he’d gained weight and was very unwell with kidney stones the complete opposite to what he was portraying in messages. So yes I would like to hear from a narcissist what they really think.

          1. alexis2015s says:

            Hey freedom. Just wanted you to know I’ve read your message and I’ll reply soon xx

          2. Freedom says:

            Hi Alexis
            I look forward to reading your reply

          3. alexis2015s says:

            Freedom, everything you’re feeling is completely natural so please don’t be hard on yourself.

            This is why it’s so important that you do nothing other than think about healing yourself because if you react to him in any way it will only backfire on you and you will regret this later.

            It’s hard because they have conditioned us to think about them all the time. But it’s so important to get off of this train of thought.

            Kat’s responded summed everything up perfectly and was written far more eloquently than I possibly could.

            But what Kat says is exactly right about how we likely had a parent who was an N or borderline who were unable to offer us real love. Which leaves us confused as to what real love actually is. That was certainly true in my case and it wasn’t until I started reading about Ns that I realised this. I had always thought it was my fault as that’s what I’d been told.

            I recal reading an article, “do you love to be needed it need to be loved”. If you google this it clearly explains that. This article was pivotal in my recovery. What I didn’t realise at the time was that somehow the N has invoked ‘infantile regression’ in me. Which actually was the best thing he could have done for me (though most definitely not his intention). This coupled with reading about what was happening / had happened to me allowed me to regrow into a stronger happier person than I’ve ever been. I was always quite happy but with low self esteem. Now I have a very strong sense of self and could never ever be duped like that again.

            The jealousy is a hard thing to get rid of. I’d never been a jealous person, and thankfully no longer am. But during his devaluation of me he kept telling me I was jealous which invoked such intense feelings of jealousy that I’d never experienced before. But you can get through this.

            Try your best not to think about what he and she are doing / may do together. Hard I know but it’s the only way.

            Forget about their plans and whether these were things you were going to do together.

            And start planning your own future and what you want to do.

            Just keep going day to day, small tasks and goals. Even if you’re not enjoying them at the moment, just push on and do them anyway. Because there will come a time when you will start enjoying them again.

            Do have a look at that article I mentioned there are other articles on her site which I found helpful, though she does write about narcs and in my opinion she doesn’t have a full grasp on what a narc actually is, she rates them a bit higher than they deserve (you’ll like that HG)

            But everything else she said is so helpful in the healing process. You may find it tough to read, but once digested it will help you in your recovery and to learn to love yourself and understand why you came to meet these types of people.

            Big hugs freedom. You can and will get through this.


          4. malignnarc says:

            Rated higher than we deserve? What on earth do you mean? Nobody can judge us.

          5. alexis2015s says:

            Haha well I can’t even think of a come back for that one HG so I have no choice but to smile sweetly, agree with you and like it instead 🙂

          6. malignnarc says:

            You are learning Alexis !

          7. Freedom says:

            Thanks everyone and Alexis I will have a look at that article you suggest.

            I’dike to say sorry for some spelling mistakes its this predictive text it drives me mad.

          8. alexis2015s says:

            no need to apologise, it happens to us all 🙂

          9. Freedom says:

            Thanks Alexis

            Maybe I should wear my glasses ha ha.

      2. alexis2015s says:

        One more HG, one more. Well for now anyway. Again not book material but I’m very intrigued as to your response.

        I’ve read that lots of Ns mutter things under their breath that they secretly want you to know and I wondered if this is intentional or not and what’s behind it ?

        So mine did this occasionally and only when we were alone together.

        As a background, I’m very good at adapting to my environment so when with ‘fake’ people I will also be fake and very charismatic and save the real kind caring people for those who deserve it (even more so post N).

        Okay so on one occasion we were together, it was soon after we’d first kissed and around this time I’d also been hugely supportive of him with some difficult times he was apparently having. He muttered under his breath, ‘you’re not a bad person’ his head was hung low. This was the only time I’ve ever seen where he actually looked like he genuinely meant it before going on and trying to devalue me anyway.

        Another topic for a book, mind control tactics ?

        Thanks in advance 🙂

        1. malignnarc says:

          Hi Alexis, I am working on an article which encompasses our kind giving you some kind of forewarning and this involves the point you make about muttering something under our breaths. It is all part of the game playing. As to mind control, Manipulated does deal with a lot of that but I will give it some thought along with all the other titles I am working on. Thanks for posting.

          1. alexis2015s says:

            Lovely, thanks HG. I’ll be sat by my phone waiting. Right where you want me 😉

          2. malignnarc says:

            Ha ha you make me laugh.

    2. Freedom says:

      Hi Alexis, yes it’s funny really the lady who is renting my exs house went through something similar as me. We’ve just been to lunch and had a long chat.
      I know what you’re saying about taking ownership of my feelings etc and will google cognitive dissonance and trauma bonds.
      Just so wish soon I will be able not to care if his marriage lasts or not. He also had a fairly good job and 6 houses in the uk. He’s ok till teouble arises with them then he gets agitated and angry. I’m hoping I’m under my own control by march as I hear that is when he plans to return to the uk with his wife. Probably taking her to all the places we went no doubt.

      1. Kat says:


        I am glad you chose to learn and heal rather than pursue those dreams of revenge. Too much pain and darkness lies there. Trust me. I have seen many an empath get caught up in it and lose big. But the biggest loss is their sense of self.

        It sounds like you have suffered enormously at the hands of your men.
        Self loathing to us narcissists is like blood to a shark. We can smell it from miles away.

        When I said to look deep into the mirror, I meant to look back and see what it is that attracts you to toxic men.
        A lot of times self loathing is programmed into people by neglectful, abusive parents/caregivers, often a narcissistic or borderline mother.
        Whether this parent was physically abusive or extremely critical, does not matter. They were incapable of loving or nurturing.
        It sets the child up with the mentality that love = painful yearning for the unattainable.
        Predators pick up on this and play on it expertly.

        Narcissists recreate the dynamic, making the person constantly second guess themselves and do anything necessary to gain that glimmer of love they’ve been searching for their whole life.
        Thus the toxic relationships keep spinning.

        Narcissists also excel at making the self loathing abate in the honeymoon period. While we first listened attentively and kissed away every insecurity, we kept methodical mental files on them, to use later on to crush you with.
        We are also emotionally unavailable, but the abuse we dish can feel very comforting, as disturbing as that sounds.

        Oh and as for the new prey, I can tell you with absolute certainty that he will do the same to her. And the one after and the ones after her… It’s who he is.

        I have also seen what happens when men like him get older. I have issues, so dated many men a lot older than me. 2 of my narcissistic exes are in mid 50s, 1 is now 70.
        They all tell such obvious, outrageous lies, especially about their sexual prowess, in an effort to feel better about themselves. Especially if they develop the erectile problems that are so common. They aren’t fooling anyone and it becomes quite pathetic.
        They catfish like you would not believe, even if it means that they get brutally rejected time after time. Go after ever more desperate women. Women they themselves can’t stand (one ex called them retards in private).

        The stories I could tell you…

        I know you are raw and reeling right now.
        But you just wait until you are narcissist free for a while and can finally celebrate a birthday (or other special occasion) without him ruining it. Heavenly 😀

        1. Freedom says:

          Hi Kat
          I’m not sure where my lack of self confidence and self lathing originated as both my parents were my mum still is very lovi g and caring. Never asked too much of us were always and are there for me and my brother. When I’m with my family I feel safe I’m not sure if it started at school and gradually got worse. I developed much quicker than other girls a d 2 I particular had a quest to torment me. So maybe it’s school environment that generated my insecurities. But my 1 st proper boyfriend cheated on me after telling me I needed to lose done weight do I did and he went off with a very large lady but he cheated on her he tried to co tact me years later I ignored him. Then I met my husband was with him 15 yrs he caused a lot of emotional damage basically it appears all 3 of my partners have been of the toxic type. Maybe I just don’t know what normal is. I’m provably am a narcissists dream.
          I’m still fighting my urge of revenge. It’s my birthday on Tuesday, wil be no diff than last year regarding birthday wishes fro my ex as he never wished me happy birthday till I pushed just complained he wasn’t having a good time.

          My ex brew always going on about a high sex drive but no evidence if it 😔

  5. alexis2015s says:

    freedom, Kat and HG’s advice is spot on.

    It’s so important to remain NC. He will be used to people trying to expose him and likely has a well formulated strategy which will only backfire on you.

    He will always leave a trail of destruction behind him and will carry on regardless.

    I felt exactly the same. Those thoughts of ‘outing’ him crossed my mind too. But two years on I can tell you I am so thankful that I never did.

    I understand the need to make him realise that you are not stupid and have seen through him. But it won’t make any difference to him, he won’t care and will only use it against you.

    Mine can think I’m dumb and stupid and naive. I don’t care what he thinks because I know the truth.

    If I told him I know what he is or told anyone else within his friendship group it would not help matters or hurt him in any way. Only make things harder for me.

    It’s hard to move on. They say Ns are like the human form of heroin which is why we become literally addicted to them. And that’s how you need to think of it that you are giving up an addiction.

    When we seek revenge on someone it means that we’re tied to that person forever.

    There is so much information out there to help you heal. And reading all HGs articles is a part of your healing journey.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Absolutely Alexis. For all one wants to expose us (which does not work for the reasons Kat has expounded – the new supply will just see you as the crazy one – would you have listened if the ex before you warned you? No you would not. ) and to tell us what you think (all good fuel) you will not succeed. You have to look to your own defences. Anything and I mean anything you do with us just gives us fuel and/or an excuse to get more fuel. It is all designed this way and so many people fall into the trap time and time again.

    2. Freedom says:

      Thanks Alexis, kat and malignarc I’m going to try my hardest to ignors him and my feelings of destroying him. Although its a bitter pill to swallow.
      I’ll continue to read and gain more knowledge and hope this helps. 😊

      Yes malignarc the song does remind me of someone 😔 although at the time I took those lines to a reference to my stance of not wanting to get married and that romance used to make me sick. I was however more concerned with the line of his thoughts and deeds may often be perverted 😳which on occasions they were and when I refused he would get angry and in a mood.
      Kat I’ve listened to your song a little darker than frozens Let it go ha ha.
      I do often look in the mirror and what looks back at me I hate although people say I’m pretty and cute and have a lovely smile all j have is self loathing and feel I’m never good enough just have no self confidence. A lot of that is due to the abuse from my ex husband and my ex narc has just compounded those feelings. Where once he made me feel alive, full of confidence, desirable and sexy. He managed to crush it.
      Before malignarc says it, it’s like ‘ The Lord giveth and the lot taketh away’.
      I thing sad though it sounds if I could be 100% sure he would do the same again to her I could maybe rest easy its the doubting in me that’s crucifying me thinking its all my imagination and it was all because I just wasn’t good enough anymore.
      I hear you all saying that’s what he wanted me to feel how that’s how he designed his MO to take effect, but its still so painful. Kat maybe my other hangup is in the beginning I had the feeling on more than one occasion to kick hiss ass out but he sensed it obviously and charmed me again. I’m always worried its just me I et reacting and if I dump them it will be a big mistake.
      Thanks again everyone 😊

      1. malignnarc says:

        I will tell you that one hundred per cent he will do to her what he did to you. It is as inevitable as the sun rising tomorrow or Donald Trump making a controversial remark.

        1. Freedom says:

          Even with her status, influence and money he’d give all that up ?

          If you are 100 % correct then you have brought a smile to a sad face.
          Some fuel for you.

          Which book of yours do you suggest for me to begin with ?

          1. malignnarc says:

            He won’t give it up but he will bring it all into jeopardy by the way he behaves so that ultimately it will be taken away from him.
            The books tackle different facets so they all provide you with insight, but in your situation I would begin with Fuel, then Manipulated and then Escape in that order before tackling the rest.

          2. Freedom says:

            Thanks malignarc, I will order those books tonight when I get home. Here’s hoping she shes his true being and takes it all away from him.

          3. malignnarc says:

            Given she has status etc he will not want to give that up, but because he will not be able to help himself but throw repeated spanners in the works then he will cause her to (eventually) remove her largesse and favour from him once she (eventually) decides she will no longer tolerate his behaviour. It may take a while but it will happen. I hope you find the books instructive and look forward to your comments in due course.

          4. freedom says:

            Hi malignarc

            I’ve just finished reading your book fuel. Very interesting, I have now worked out I was a very high ranking and close proximity supply uptil his move to India. When I declined to upsticks and move to India as well as asking questions about possible infidelity, becoming aware of what was going on due to his distance and his manipulative control diminishing due to him not being close to me, on his return to India he did as he says thought about things. However not in the way I thought, he was assessing his fuel supply, realising he was in dire jeapody of losing his main source he had no choice but to switch. Probably not what he wanted to do but had no choice.

            Like I say an interesting insight, but I feel your proof reader needs a kick up the butt. 😝

  6. Freedom says:

    I also take It malignarc you’re aware of the Depeche mode song then. Is it a narcissists favourite ?

    1. malignnarc says:

      I am aware of it because Depeche Mode are my favourite band. I therefore know that Somebody on the surface seems like a beautiful love song but it actually has a dark underbelly. Does that sound like anyone you might know?

  7. alexis2015s says:

    freedom. I totally understand why you would want to do this but in my own humble opinion I don’t think it would be a good idea to blow his cover. What would you be hoping to achieve by doing this ?

    It may only bring more hurt, heartache and frustration your way.

    It’s a natural thing to want to do this but if you hold off and focus on healing yourself that’s the most important thing here.

    It’s not about him anymore, it’s now all about you.

    1. Freedom says:

      Alexis2015s my aim of blowing his cover is so he knows I am aware of who and what he is so he won’t try and Hoover me up again and so he also realises I’m not stupid and gullible anymore. It’s also so his new victim may get a glimpse of the nasty side when he’s exposed, she may ignore it but then that’s up to her and she can mull it over.
      I just feel I can’t heal and move on as I’m still hurting and devastated that I feel like this but he’s living like a king in his fairy tale in India. I should have been flying out there this week for my birthday.
      Just don’t think he should be having his happy ever after 😔😔😔

      1. Kat says:

        Can I ask, how much are you prepared to lose?

        Because you might be setting yourself up for a grand failure, whilst he not only gets buckets of fuel, but cements his relationship with her.
        Could you live with that?

        As I told you before, he has probably been painting YOU as a crazy narcissist, who used his love against him and abused him.
        If you try to out him, you might be playing right into his plan.

        The new woman is practically drowning in oxytocin and endorphins right now. All she will see is a bitter abuser come to try and tear another chunk of flesh from her precious darling. YOU will be held responsible for any hiccups in their marriage. If he does get angry and nasty, it’s only because he is protecting himself. And her of course, her brave hero that he is.
        She might use all those lovely connections and her money to come after you.

        And just think of the satisfaction he will get from seeing how much you still care. Think of how much he will enjoy triangulating you two and getting her to fight you. Buckets of finest fuel.

        Are you prepared that you might do him the biggest favour yet, whilst accomplishing nothing but more trouble and heartache for yourself?
        If you are, by all means, proceed.

        You want him to know he lost and can’t get a drop of fuel from you?
        Put your life back together.
        Do not respond to him, no matter what he does.
        Stop torturing yourself with all these fantasies about the miserable bastard living happily ever after.
        And above all else, don’t let your bitterness and anger lead you down even darker paths.
        You deserve better and he doesn’t deserve the satisfaction.

        I agree with Alexis. Healing yourself should be the most important thing. Not him.

        1. Freedom says:

          You’re probably right Kat, I just feel so lost right now and I just feel like a failure. I know that’s what he wanted to do. Just find it so hard that in the beginning I tried so much never to get hurt again after my violent abusive husband and now he’s done this hurts move than the physical assaults any day. Bruises heal much quicker. Maybe it’s because I thought I was smarter than I obviously am and let him in.
          I sort of feel like I’m a co-conspirator as I know what he’s like now but not giving her a warning. All the while he gets what he wants always a win win for him.
          Everyone one else left hurt. Feel like he’s victorious and that pains me.

          1. malignnarc says:

            ‘Twas ever thus Freedom

          2. Freedom says:

            I know malignarc just hope you’re all right and he will do it to her sooner rather than later. I will have to be satisfied that his life will always be one long drama, no peace, forever hunting. His looks will fade and will start to find supply harder to achieve and hope he dies a lonely empty

          3. malignnarc says:

            Oh it will be drama all the way, of that you can be assured. The world keeps turning and the hunger keeps burning

          4. Freedom says:

            Malignarc, thoughtba songbwas coming on then 😊
            is the life your kind lead stressful ?
            He can’t cope with stress or problems always had other people normally me to attend to his needs and commands.
            Do your kind ever stay with the same partner for good ?
            I know you say you’re always let down is this because we’re are just mortal and make mistakes and sometimes need help ourselves or is it even though the supply may be still good you’ve just got bored with that supply?

            More questions I know sorry.

          5. malignnarc says:

            Ha ha yes I appeared to be waxing lyrical. Our lives appear chaotic in some elements and disciplined in others. I do not find it stressful as I just walk away from the chaos as I am not accountable. Our kind may stay with the same partner but there will be other people as part of the equation as well. You let us down because you do not keep up the supply at the level we need.

          6. Freedom says:

            I am ashamed to admit that I was always in awe of my ex always telling him how wonderful and amazing he was. If he asked me to go with him I presume I was still a good supply even though I had asked questions but he decided not to wait. You’re right I have discovered he was attempting hook ups with others she had a partner so neither obviously wanted a relationship by the looks.
            He was always using songs in his references and chat. One time he send me a YouTube link for ‘somebody ‘ by Depeche mode he said it reminded him of me. He’d sing the carpenters ‘close to you’ to me and be all romantic and then say to me I’m trying to be romantic why aren’t you ! I never really was he brought that out in me.
            I’m frustrated I want her to dump him aaarrggghhh I’m just too impatient starting to think I’m developing narcissist traits he let me down. Making me feel angry about it 😱😱😱

          7. malignnarc says:

            But did you pick up in Depeche Mode’s Somebody the line “I don’t want to be tied to anyone’s strings, I’m carefully trying to steer clear of those things” and also “things like this make me sick but in a case like this I will get away with it” ?

          8. Freedom says:

            Yes I did hear those lines and they did cause a slight reaction in me but I discarded those feelings. I didn’t know then what I know now.
            I take it that was his subtle way of telling me he was one of your kind.

            I’m I correct there malignarc.

            Maybe I should be grateful he’s in India then. If he was here I think I would have been the long standing partner and he would have had his cake and eat it. I bet I was a narcissists dream 😱😱

          9. malignnarc says:

            Yes you discarded them because you were taken in by the illusion. There is little doubt he would have kept you but used you repeatedly in his quest for fuel. His moving away, however hard it feels now is a fortunate thing for you.

          10. malignnarc says:

            You are still very much caught up in the emotion of it all. If he was close to hand he would be hoovering you hard.

      2. Kat says:

        You are still bleeding, Freedom. Most of the women here, including myself, have been here.
        What concerns me most is how hard you are being on yourself.

        You second guessing yourself, wondering what is wrong with YOU, fixating upon him and the new prey, is exactly what men like him want.

        You trusted and gave your heart to a man who simply wanted to feel good by using and abusing you.
        There is no shame in being a loving, caring woman.
        There is no need for you to feel guilty about him doing this to you.
        As for you feeling like a failure, that’s bullshit. You got out. You are here to learn and seem determined to get through this and heal.
        Clear to me that you are stronger than you think.

        My guess is that you were still reeling and being hard on yourself after what happened with your husband. And yes, during the honeymoon phase this bastard would have made you feel good, made those demons stop whispering.
        He saw a vulnerability and he took advantage of it. It’s what narcissists do.
        That’s why it’s so important to heal and learn. To truly take in what HG teaches, look deep in the mirror and confront what makes you drawn to these toxic men.
        Not just learn to recognise the red flags, but be prepared to kick Prince Charming out on his ass when you spot them.

        As for the songs he dedicated to you…I like songs too. So did every one of my narcissistic exes. Songs are a great way to get under someone’s skin. I promise you, he will be dedicating the same songs to her. And any other woman he thinks it might work on.

        This one is a favourite of mine:

  8. Freedom says:

    No he never did adhere to his own rules. Everyone had to dance to his tune.

    Wonder if his tune is being played on a sitar now 😆

    Just debating at the min to blow his cover with a woman he tried it on with in the uk when home last. I’m certain her partner knows nothing about it.

  9. Freedom says:

    I thought that’s what you meant just threw me with the ‘?’ And not. ‘!’

    But what he can’t see or your kind is that everyone’s time is just as precious.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Damn that accursed punctuation! No we do not. Our time is all that matters and there is not enough of it to gather all the fuel we need so when you are late you are disrupting our fuel supplies and we of course arrive precisely when we intend to,neither early or late.

      1. Freedom says:

        It’s scary how your tone and wording of messages are so like his we’re in the beginning. 😱😱

        He’d always keep me on my toes just as I thought he said 1 PM therefore he really will arrive at 12:45. He said he’d wait in the car for me then bang bang on the front door there he was. Always one step ahead. Until his leave this time when I kept noticing errors in his tales. Questioning things, then puff he’s gone.

        1. malignnarc says:

          Hi Freedom, yes that is a familiar way of keeping you in a state of anxiety and on your toes and of course it always by our rules which we do not adhere to ourselves.

  10. Freedom says:

    Which part ?
    Or was that comment of yours really meant as a statement ?

    1. malignnarc says:

      A statement. Your reactions and his are different yet sides to the same coin.

  11. Freedom says:

    Sums my ex up, I couldn’t be 1 min late or the day was ruined. It didn’t matter if I was ill or an emergency had arisen nothing could be as important as the plans he’d made. One time he actually said how dare you be late you are showing no regard for how precious my time is ! But if the situation was reversed then it just had to be accepted not his fault. But he didn’t get the sulking, storming off and shouting as I got he got an understanding response and compromise.
    Oh why didn’t I see this red flag 🙁

    1. malignnarc says:

      Different sides of the same coin isn’t it?

  12. Alice says:

    “Betray a friend (or a child, for that matter), and you’ll often find that you have ruined yourself.”

    ~ Aesop

  13. damnit says:

    She’s not going to go away is she?

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