Answering the Emergency

Two messages but who left those messages?

The answer? It was the same person. The first was the narcissist as the relationship entered the devaluation phase by starting to let down the empath. The second was a firm hoover from the narcissist with the empath seeking to implement no contact.

Were you correct?

56 thoughts on “Answering the Emergency

  1. Tea says:

    Lol HG you make my ex look like a saint!

  2. Can you give me the name/names of some of your books? Don’t get excited and think you have conquered me….my therapist wants to read some of your books. Do I get a commission?

  3. Sari says:

    The books have made us little empaths very powerful!☺️ You girls all make me smile… And HG, something about you tugs at my heart … (My empathetic, but educated heart☺️)

  4. alexis2015s says:

    I only have small boots HG, but they’re overflowing. Tha k you 😉

    1. malignnarc says:

      Ha ha.

  5. So Sad says:

    Thank you for replying HG. For some reason I can I can’t reply to your post directly as with Nikita, The reply option isn’t there , sometimes is others not .. No matter though:)

    Have to be honest with you . HG . The way you write about yourself scares & intrigues me at the same time . I admire your honesty .. filling my boots with a small/medium to Large Glass of wine tonight .. Oh and the fuse to the Hoover is locked away in a safe place xx

    1. malignnarc says:

      Thank you. Which type of wine?

      1. So Sad says:

        Chardonnay with soda ty.. Shall I run your bath now ?

        1. malignnarc says:

          Yes please. I don’t like chardonnay but I do like Chablis even though they are both from the chardonnay grape. It is because Chablis is unoaked. I do not like the oaky taste that comes with chardonnay. Second bottle yet?

          1. Freedom says:

            I’m more a Pinot noir, Grenache, merlot or Malbec kind of girl. Bottoms up 😊

          2. malignnarc says:

            Pinot noir is a favourite of mine. I used to drink a Romanian one at university. Very tasty.

          3. Freedom says:

            What a surprise you like the same as me such flattery☺☺
            I like something with depth and body😊
            And I’m sure the Romanian was very tasty ( wasn’t she 😘) 🍷🍷

  6. Sheila says:

    Nope to self* read this when I get a chance and check out Nakita’s reference. On the down slope of my 3rd straight 12 hr shift and going into a regular 40 hr week tomorrow. I knew both messages were from the N 😉

  7. So Sad says:

    Nikita. Thanks ever so much for your reply . I appreciate it . I don’t mean that I’m a nasty ,evil, uncaring person , not at all . I still feel peoples emotions , if not more than before BUT I’ve learned to detach myself , stopped worrying about offending people & I say what I want to rather than saying nothing at all . Another piece of the jigsaw to find .. Thanks again . I’ll have a look x

    1. Nikita says:

      You can always get through without offending, or at least settle down for always trying to keep diplomacy and kindness and not for not caring anymore if you offend or not. I know its difficult and we have all gone through pain, but imagine if we would all start not caring anymore about how we approach people.
      I have read in this blog very very sad stories and feel really sorry for the ladies who have suffered so much… We are all here because in one way or onother we have all been hurt by someone suffering from NPD, but I would say if we all let the seed of not caring, rudeness, unkindness and lack of compassion be planted in your heart then we would be taking the wrong path because at the end you sow what you plant and you receive what you give…. 😃😃⭐️☀️
      Sending you all the best energy for your inner peace.

      1. indeed! Nikita Indeed!

        1. Nikita says:

          Good Crystalempath. I have it like an unbreakable principle, and strongly believe in this and I am sure you will never regret sticking to the kindness principle, although in this journey of looking for a way to set a new limit for boundaries you find all kinds of opinions and comments that could make you think the contrary.. But no. Principle is principle 😀

  8. V says:

    I too was correct, but only because HG has helped make me wiser!

    1. malignnarc says:

      Is the type of answer I like to read.

      1. So Sad says:

        But do you Like it because you help some of understand HG or because in someway this blog gives you fuel ? said in the nicest possible way . x

        1. malignnarc says:

          I like it for several reasons. Fuel, intelligent comments, I enjoy writing and I am interested in seeing how people respond and react to the information I am providing. Roughly speaking I have witnessed three types of reactions. The first is to label me and call me various names. Fair enough. It gives me a dose of fuel, they probably feel a bit better having called me allsorts but what have they really achieved? Nothing. They would rather sit and complain. The second group are still too fragile to engage with something as visceral as this. They have a quick glimpse and cannot stomach it. That is fair enough. They may return. The third group think; I have a found an unusual and rare resource here. I can learn and use it to my advantage and utilise this interaction to help myself by engaging with a master proponent of what I have been subjected to. I respect that. That is seizing the power and I am all about power. You seizing power has no impact on me because I do not know you so fill your boots.

    2. foolme1 says:

      Got it right! I didn’t know what hovering was until I read your books. You have helped make going no contact so much easier! Thank you! I was wondering do you get a supply of fuel knowing there must be so many N out there so angry with you for all the knowledge you give us?

      1. malignnarc says:

        You are welcome. I only know of one of my kind who has experienced my disseminated knowledge and she endorsed it. As for the rest, well yes, it will give me a touch of fuel knowing I am irritating them but then I was always better than them to begin with

  9. TimeWasted says:

    Yes, I was spot on.
    For one, an N makes it all about themselves, so I knew both scenarios would be about you.
    I’ve been through these phases with an N. I’ve had him flake out on plans we made many times with a variety of excuses. I’m sure most of them were complete BS. I called him out before when something he said didn’t add up. He reacted with anger! It was like, “How DARE YOU question me?”
    I’ve also had him send out a distress call! I would answer like any empath probably would. Then, he would come around like we were still friends waiting for the right time to seduce me again. He would explain that he had been through a rough time after the death of a family member or some other crisis. That was to explain away his vanishing act. I’m embarrassed to admit that I fell for it! Ugh! I believed it because I was hung up on him and wanted to believe it was true. Anyone from the outside looking in could have seen through the BS.
    Why did I like this jerk so much! It wasted so much of my time!
    The good news is, I’ve been no contact for 7 months. The hold he had on me is slipping away. I’m happy for that.

    1. Freedom says:

      I’m same as you 7 mth NC, I also fell for all the BS. You’re not alone x

      1. alexis2015s says:

        They’re very convincing !! 7m is. Really good !! Well done !

        1. Freedom says:

          Thanks Alexis, it’s very difficult though. Just keep going forward 😊

          I don’t think there will be a Hoover in my case as he must know that ice uncovered his dirty secrets. If he knows me as well as he should as a narc he’ll know not to waste any precious fuel on me 😊

          1. alexis2015s says:

            I literally have the utmost respect for you freedom of anyone else in your position. Mine was short lived and we didn’t live together. I can’t even imagine how you coped pand are coping. I think you’re doing brilliantly. You should be so proud of yourself xx

          2. Freedom says:

            Hi Alexis

            We should all be proud whether a short or long dance with a narc they are all poisonous and damaging.
            I didn’t live with my ex narc permenantly he spent a couple of months per move to India at mine and his leave last march / April at mine. We were together though for 4 yrs.
            What gets me the most is the carnage they leave behind, our health is damaged,our mind and our confidence. Due to the ill health he’s caused me it’s increased my life insurance premiums he’d be so pleased with that.
            But I’m free, a small price to pay. I do still hope his wife doesn’t get treated the same I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. However I’m sure the fate of their relationship is already doomed as he can not love or empathise. She’s a rough ride ahead.

            I’ve only survived with kind words, comfort and support from people like you, my close friends and family. I recently had a message from a lady on Facebook she has no support so I offered a hand ( typical empath) and then directed her to HG’s blog and books. Must be so hard to deal with this alone.

            Thank you for your support and encouragement Alexis. 😘

          3. alexis2015s says:

            I can’t imagine having dealt with it alone. We’re so lucky to have online resources. And it’s great to get the insight from HG too. There is nothing like speaking about it with people who have been trough it too. Others just don’t understand and it would be unfair to expect them to so I never tried.

            Keep going freedom 🙂

          4. Freedom says:

            Thanks Alexis 😊
            You’re right no one understands unless they’ve danced the dance of the Narc. Somedays I still have my doubts on my ex. My friends have been very supportive but as you say we can’t expect them to understand as its difficult for us. A few people I think have the thoughts of for gods sake he was horrible just move on. If only it was so easy.

            We need to keep supporting each other and reading HG’s literature. X

          5. alexis2015s says:

            Yup let’s start a club of our own!!! All new members will need to be vetted to the highest level.

          6. Freedom says:

            Yes def a no narc zone ha ha

          7. malignnarc says:

            Well that’s no very inclusive is it and it would be very boring without the star of the show being there.

          8. Freedom says:

            Maybe we could have an edifice of you to worship in our group. You’ll be far too busy discarding, hoovering and forcing fuel for little old us sir. ( back to Penelope pitstop)

          9. malignnarc says:

            Good idea. I shall practice a suitable pose to be immortalised for ever more.

          10. Freedom says:

            A sexy pose maybe 😜😜

          11. malignnarc says:

            Any pose I strike is automatically sexy, you know that.

          12. Freedom says:

            Silly me, ah well back to work for me.

          13. alexis2015s says:

            Yup, no worshiping of HG though freedom !! This is exclusively for the worms who have turned !!

          14. malignnarc says:

            Easy tiger.

          15. Freedom says:

            The worm has turned Alexis.

            Calm down HG you’re not like my ex narc are you he was always going on about watching me with another woman. But that’s not my cup of tea.

          16. malignnarc says:

            How do you know until you have tried?

          17. Freedom says:

            Because I know same as you know the creature inside you would destroy you. Women just don’t do it for me in that way.

            You’d never let the creature out would you !

  10. Do you recall my answer?

    1. malignnarc says:

      I do although it was somewhat ambiguous.

      1. It was basically what you said. It was from you/your prey…it was from your prey/you….to me, they were one in the same.

        1. malignnarc says:


  11. Nikita says:

    I was correct. Ive not had that devaluation in this last relationship, but that hoover yes … In fact at the moment 😓😓😓 … To receive such messages is excruciating and no contact is difficult to leave somebody who begs for an ear, even if you know its fake… Even if you block here and there its impossible to block all.. Ive not seem him since the last time but bombarded with messages in all forms.. This pendling in between pain and relief is cruel. Why not just let go… All for the sake of fuel… I am just thankful I have already read all your books and postings …
    But I know it will get better. This will stop soon…

  12. So Sad says:

    Ah ha . Yes I was !! . Feeling very proud of myself today . One YEAR NO Contact . Whohoooh … aint no stopping me now …. it can rot in hell 🙂

    1. malignnarc says:

      Impressive. Can I hear a Hoover being started up?

      1. So Sad says:

        Why thank you HG .. Narc won’t try that now .. too busy love bombing his new target .If he ever does I’ll send him a link to your blog, he could of written it himself though unlike you he’d be too selfish to share.

        Do you think its possible that empaths can turn slightly Narcissistic after the trauma of a narc relationship ? because right now I don’t care who I trample over ( apart from my family ) to get what I want in life or is this all part of recovery ? .

        1. Nikita says:

          Hi So sad.
          Ross Rosemberg posted in facebook this last week exactly that.

  13. Freedom says:

    As usual I went with my gut instincts first then changed my mind. Note to self believe your gut feelings and stop hitting snooze on the narc radar alarm.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Ha ha I like that.

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