Wrong

My ex? Where do I begin? You know, I must admit, I have a propensity to always being right. I cannot help me. It is just the way I am. I work hard to get things right, in my job, who my friends are, making the right decisions in my life and most of all in respect who I choose to spend my intimate days with, but I will hold my hands up on this one. I got it wrong. Spectacularly wrong. I am normally an excellent judge of character. It is an uncanny knack I have, call it a sixth sense if you will. I can usually tell when I meet somebody for the first time whether I will get along with them. I can gauge whether we will become firm friends and enjoy one another’s company. It happens with everyone including you. What did my sixth sense tell me about you? Oh that we have so much in common and we are destined to be together. Don’t ask me why but I just knew it from the moment we met. There is just something about you. This sixth sense has never let me down before but it did with her, I got that all wrong. She was just the wrong person for me but I must have let her charm me or something because I just did not see her for what she really was. She appeared so right yet she was wrong on so many levels. Don’t worry, I know I have not made the same mistake with you, you are different, there is nothing wrong about you. Everything was good at first, I think she managed to pull the wool over my eyes and hide from me whatever it is that is wrong with her. I am still not sure but it was not long before it all went wrong. We had a good time at first, no I will be honest, we had a great time. I put a lot of effort into my relationships. I firmly believe that there should be no measures. If you want to be with someone then you must give your all to them. There should be complete trust and your heart should only ever be theirs. I did this but it soon appeared that it was not enough. I don’t know what I did wrong, other than actually get into a relationship with her, but it all turned sour. I still don’t know what I did wrong. Whereas she was once attentive and kind, I think it was all a ruse now when I look back, she then showed little interest in me and doing things together. She focussed on her job, her home and her hobbies, almost as if I became an afterthought. When I tried to point this out to her she would just go crazy, I mean full on looney tunes. It was scary the way she would just turn on me and point out all the things that I had done wrong. It made no sense. I gave her everything and yet no matter what I did it was always wrong. I just could not please her. There is something very wrong with her. I could go into detail but you don’t need to hear all about that. I think it is sufficient to say I made a huge mistake entering a relationship with her, I got it entirely wrong, but I have learnt from that error and it will not happen again. I know I have got it right this time.

I was right about you. You are wrong, everything about you is wrong. I knew from the start but I thought I would give you a chance to prove me wrong. I wanted to help you. I saw something in you and thought that things would be all right despite the wrongness that surrounded you. Yet everything I did to makes thing right you just threw back in my face didn’t you? You just had to make everything go wrong didn’t you? You would say the wrong thing, at the wrong time in the wrong situation. You would make wrong decisions, based on the wrong facts and choose the wrong option. You got with the wrong friends and did the wrong things with them for our relationship. You showed the wrong tendencies and you committed so many wrongs I must have forgotten as many as I have remembered them. You are inherently wrong, it runs right through you. You taint everything about you with your wrongness and most of all you made our relationship go wrong. I did nothing wrong. I tried to make things right between us. I persevered and held on as best I could as the wrongs rained down on me. I wanted us to work together but not only were you on the wrong page compared to me, you were reading from the wrong book. You gave me the wrong things, made the wrong comments and did the wrong acts. You infected our relationship with your wrong views and attitude. Everything went wrong and it was all down to you, yet you cannot even accept you are wrong can you? You just kept asking me the wrong questions and giving me the wrong answers. I knew you had something wrong about you as soon as we met but something inside persuaded me to give you a chance to make things right, that you just needed that opportunity and you would grasp it and be thankful that somehow you could crawl from that wrong place you inhabited and that for the first time, suitably encouraged and supported, that you would start to do the right thing. I was so right about how very wrong you are. You wronged me but you will see now that I am going to put things right and I will do so in a way that ensures you will do no wrong ever again. Right?

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94 thoughts on “Wrong”

  1. yeah you’re right, well half right. I refuse to date men again but I don’t refuse to date again. However, that’s not only because of my narc, he was just the last straw.

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  2. “Out beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing,
    there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
    When the soul lies down in that grass,
    the world is too full to talk about.
    Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’
    doesn’t make sense any more.”
    – Rumi

    “The Wrong we have Done, Thought, or Intended Will wreak its Vengeance on
    Our SOULS.”
    ― C.G. Jung

    “A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it
    a superficial appearance of being right.”
    – Thomas Paine

    And for the finale…a quote from the last book I bought my N, as he felt through psychic interpretation we were a form of reincarnation of Elizabeth 1 and the Earl of Leicester… a prime example of star crossed lovers.
    “The Tudors hated to be wrong, and therefore never were.”
    ― Jeane Westin, His Last Letter: Elizabeth I and the Earl of Leicester

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      1. Plurrimi Gauisus…The Latin for ‘The Most Happy’….it was attached to me by another.
        That despite any sorrow,
        I remain unvanquished.
        For in the sadness,
        of which I am halved.
        I shall find joy.
        For in the joy,
        I shall remain whole.

        Do you have a motto, HG?

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      1. Ah I said something like ‘so you have a motto’ and meant to say ‘do you have’. I corrected it by typing ‘do not so’ and perhaps you thought this was my mantra ?

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      2. My N, is a huge medieval history buff, I have an affinity for Ann Boleyn, so he felt I should utilize her motto. She had several, he felt that best described me. As I would say to him often, prior to him giving me that motto…I love you, you make me most happy. Unfortunately he interpreted that as meaning others make me happy too, but he is the most. He attached a jealousy aspect to it.
        I wrote verse for motto. Don’t laugh, his was, I TRY. We used to joke…my nerves, my patience , etc I think it is better to do, then try. But trying , is better then nothing at all. The I try, was is relation to his absences, rather funny now, as their were planned absences/ silent treatment. It should have been, I Intend To.

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      3. No he didn’t, made me laugh though…he actually convinced despite all his absences and behaviours, he did try. I loved him , for trying too.

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    1. Very nice karaa 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

      The house of CG young is a peaceful and beautiful place on the border of a lake. Big gardens, lots of trees and banks to admire the nature… the quote above gets more into me as I read it and think the many times I have sat there….
      I even think that those who do wrong on purpose have more wreck in their souls.
      -NN-

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      1. Nikita, I searched Bolligen tower, it is so lovely, I see why you feel so calm there. I often refer to Jungs quotes, as he is ever so relevant to so many topics.

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      2. Nikita, this was the other Jung quote that struck me for HGs post today.
        ” The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.” I felt the first was more applicable, I wish I had such a memory I could recall them all.

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  3. Very good expressed like always. Its very fascinating to read you.
    I recall this feeling of just feeling something special when meeting that someone 😃. Inside this feeling that its going to fit because of this imvisible energy, the warmth that spreads around and the smile that slowly spreads as you think about this person 💋

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      1. I do like a bit of Erasure. I have memories of when Chorus was released and the accompanying relationship but that is a different story. Two things occurred when I opened the link. The first, on seeing Erasure,reminded me of when I saw them in concert and Andy Bell was sport a ruby red sequined codpiece. The second was that as the video began an ad popped up asking “Do You Want Your Ex Back?”. I’m meant to do the hovering, not an advertisement !

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  4. Your mind reminds me of an abandoned urban lot full of rubble and broken glass surrounded by a hurricane fence topped with barbed wire. Ever see the movie “Wolfen”? It’s like the south Bronx in the 1970s. Not a nice place to be, but I keep going in there to look around anyway. You never know what you might find. I keep looking over my shoulder for murderers and rapists but so far, the only life I have seen in this lot is some half starved rats and carrion crows.

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    1. That’s rather harsh luckyotter although it did amuse me. No I have not seen Wolfen, I shall have to seek it out. There is a lot more going on in my mind than an abandoned lot, perhaps that is all I am letting you see?

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  5. Love erasure
    What about oh l’amour or sometimes 😊

    Amazing isn’t it HG how we don’t appear to be what we appear to be in the beginning. Just like you’re looking in a mirror 😏

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  6. Great song and band T. Music has a wonderful way of restoring memories, good or bad. HG, do you still plan to do that blog article on music and the narc, I suggested awhile back ?

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  7. So, if I know my faults and openly express my faults to someone In the beginning, so they are fully knowledgeable of my said faults. Is it then fair to turn these faults, that I willing confessed to up front, on me as a wrong doing? Would it not be more an err in behaviour, which can be modified, repented and forgiven? Not all wrongs are intended to cause harm, some are a product of the flawed individual only.
    Just a thought on the topic you have addressed HG?

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    1. Since when did the concept of fairness ever enter into the equation with my kind? You may be forthright about those faults at the outset and I will willingly embrace such openness in order to demonstrate how compassionate (falsely) I am. I will store this information for later use. I will then hammer you for these faults and even if you protest that you told me of them I will still find a way to denigrate you. I may deny you told me, I may accept you did but that you should have changed or refrained from exhibiting them with me. I may accept you did and tell you I never realised they were as bad as they are. You may confess all (I hope you do) but it does not mean this disclosure will be handled fairly.

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      1. So there is no forgiveness, only remembrance of past transgression upon you? That are collected to further rain down your wrath and vengeance. I have always felt disclosure the best route to follow, what occurs after, is out of my hands, but still within my control. If vengeance is yours then, tolerance and acceptance is mine.

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  8. This post and comments remind me of a quote that I’ve had on my desk for many years.. Great writing, HG…

    There is but one rule of conduct for a man — to do the right thing. The cost may be dear in money,in friends,in influence, in labor,in a prolonged and painful sacrifice; but the cost not to do right is far more dear; you pay in the integrity of your manhood, in honor, in truth,in character. You forfeit your souls content and for a timely gain you barter the infinities…

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    1. Hello Saritwin andthank you for the compliment. I like the quote and I agree it is always important to do the right thing. Of course, what I regard as right is,as I have come to learn,is different to how others regard the right thing, though that can be applied to much in life. Thanks for sharing.

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    2. Except the devil has no soul or conscience to barter or lose. He only does such trades to garner the souls of others and Instill shame in the hearts and minds of others. Wonderful quote, Saritwin xx

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  9. Karaa Agree his quotes are very nice. The Bolligen turn is not the place I visit in summer, but the C J institute in Kusnacht which used to be his house in the city I understand. Today its also kind of a museum and just the feeling you get by being there is special. It has a special quietness although its very near to a small “port” in the lake, its very quiet. It mainly attracts people who are alone and have a book and sadwich to spend the day. Its common to see many of those people spending a Sunday morning there. As its near a port its a preferred place of the seagulls so it makes the quiet ambiance pretty special. Its like if the quietness would be given.
    I tried to google some images but did not really find many of the back part which is the one really at the lake but here is a link of two images.
    I will tell you my favorite quotes in another post as if I go back to copy paste, I will loose what I have written. Jung is for me to psychology, like what the Einstein is to science 😃. Hope the link works.
    https://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=AwrB8pJrFNlW6VUAsayInIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTIyNGgxNDFuBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDaW1nBG9pZAMwMTI2OWJlNDE1NDBlYzZhY2VlNWE4M2Y4MGNmNjUyZgRncG9zAzcEaXQDYmluZw–?.origin=&back=https%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3Fp%3Dc%2Bg%2Bjung%2Binstitute%2Bkusnacht%26n%3D60%26ei%3DUTF-8%26fr2%3Dsb-top-images.search.yahoo.com%26tab%3Dorganic%26ri%3D7&w=480&h=640&imgurl=caringforthesoul.org%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F05%2FHotel-Sonne-Kusnacht.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcaringforthesoul.org%2Fsandplay-in-switzerland%2Ffees%2F&size=90.9KB&name=Sandplay+in+Switzerland+fees+%7C&p=c+g+jung+institute+kusnacht&oid=01269be41540ec6acee5a83f80cf652f&fr2=sb-top-images.search.yahoo.com&fr=&tt=Sandplay+in+Switzerland+fees+%7C&b=0&ni=52&no=7&ts=&tab=organic&sigr=11p4f5e7k&sigb=14dma6rg4&sigi=1281gavj9&sigt=10u5rjogj&sign=10u5rjogj&.crumb=vowBLgF0QNL&fr2=sb-top-images.search.yahoo.com

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  10. Here is my jung favorite quote for HG
    “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
    C.G. Jung

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  11. Here for you karaa my favorites

    The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
    C.G. Jung

    Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.
    C.G. Jung

    Wish you a beautiful day ☀️

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    1. Perfectly wonderful quotes, the first one touches me deeply as that one I do know quite well..my wish is that both are changed for the better , not the worse. If a lesson is learned by one, then a change has be enacted.

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  12. HG
    I just found this one, had never seen it. I dont know how it applies but im pretty sure there is a part of truth in it.

    I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.
    C.G. Jung

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    1. That sounds very applicable, Nikita. I did not become hurtful and destructive from my childhood experiences. I choose to not become that way. But, the other side of that, is that I turn my emotions unto myself and inwardly with self blame, guilt or shame.

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  13. This confirms he’d begun devaluing our relationship long before I knew anything was wrong, fleeting irritation in his expression and “you didn’t say what I thought you would say..”. These comments and looks surprised me at the time as they seemed to belong to a much older, more jaded relationship than the one we were living.

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