Revenge: How to Beat the Narcissist

Most attempts at obtaining revenge over the narcissist fail or are petty in nature.

Now you can read how to pursue the ultimate aim and secure true revenge.





92 thoughts on “Revenge: How to Beat the Narcissist

  1. Miss_stress says:

    I have felt this many times from him, the continuous switch of emotions from positive to negative, the endless need to punish for perceived criticism and subsequent wounding.

    HG, do we love these men or are we simply addicted to them and the idea of loving them and that they love us back?

    It is sad we are perceived as foes, no wonder you cannot accept our love and care, if you believe we have hidden agendas.

    I have been programmed since childhood to feel far too much guilt. Would you like some of my surplus guilt, HG, it is free for the taking.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You do love them but you love an illusion which proves as addictive as it is devastating.

      You can give me all the guilt you want Miss_stress but I won’t feel it.

      1. Miss_stress says:

        It was never the Golden period for me, I never sought its return. Good thing, as it never did. There were fleeting instances. I just wanted some semblance of honesty and respect In our relationship. I wanted too much from an illusion. Seems I wanted magic. Maybe I wanted him to accept me, the way I accepted him. Maybe I just want too much.
        I will keep my guilt, I am sure it serves me some good. Best you receive that which makes you feel. I have excess animosity, does that sound enticing?
        Thank you for your reply HG. I understand on moderation, I will try to be patient. If anyone has extra patience I would be willing to trade off. It never was my strong suit, in some respects. Forgiveness is though.

    2. HG Tudor says:

      Welcome back by the way! I do remember you. I am reflecting on your other post so there will be a delay before it appears. That is usually the case with the posts where I need to reflect and those which ask me questions.

  2. Rachel says:

    Alrighty so as I’m new to this narcissistic world and I am definitely an empath then my blood it’s in my profession who I am I am a brutally honest person and I lied to myself when I know the truth about him so here’s the deal it was awesome man for three and a half years we were to be married I have 2 kids you call him dad especially since he made his way in shortly after their father died and when I say shortly I mean at least two years and douchebag shows up what was me and I didn’t even give him a date until 6 months of talking to me and we never argued something was always a mess he never cried never was angry at least he never showed me and we never argued he was always happy I thought good Lord who in the hell is that f****** happy all the time he was and I thought it was a counterbalance because I was so structured indeed and centered and myself and he was all over the board but we balance each other well like narcissists and empaths do I guess I kind of need each other in a sick way however he actually took the time over three and a half years to come into my professional life come into my personal life with my children even going as far as proposing to me and we are getting married 2 months before the wedding I find out all the lies now keep in mind I’m not sure what kind of Mark this is but I paid for everything financed everything what do you call that kind of Narc a mooches lol and lo and behold I found out after I brought up how we need to pay for the wedding as it’s coming closer I come home and he’s just gone I found out that he has sex with young girls he goes on all these pornographic sites he was in several relationships with women with children has a thing for women and children that’s and married women I don’t get it I really don’t other than easy targets but why put three and a half years in a relationship and go through all the trouble of being with a woman with kids and buying the wedding ring just to leave and how can even the worst narcissist not feel 4 children involved I don’t get it so please explain to me and like me on the situation and even after he left for 2 months we talked and you led me on told me is coming home told me couldn’t live without me told me you loved me and every time he was supposed to come home guess what some crazy catastrophe happened his uncle was dying his aunt was in the hospital he was in the hospital he was very sick there was always this gaslighting excuse and that’s exactly what it was so could you can explain this narcissist to me why so deep into this how do you not feel at least for the kids and why go through all the trouble buying a ring and playing this fake fairytale alright thanks for your Insight

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Rachel, what you have described, somewhat breathlessly incidentally, is the archetypal behaviour which we engage in which leaves you bewildered, distraught and confused. Everything was done to make you think he was the one so you would provide fuel as he created the illusion of being wonderful across a range of fronts. As for the children, they are but devices which are used to better hook you as the primary source. If a person is seen to want to take on a single lady with children then he is regarded as a good and wonderful man. Many single ladies in such a situation, rightly or wrongly, regard themselves as less appealing to most men and therefore not only are they likely to be easier to seduce but their response will be even more fuel-filled.All of this was done in order to create an illusion which you fell for so he could draw fuel from you and then drop you from a height. It is nothing to do with anything you have done and everything about what our kind needs. Your resources were utilised, your time, your love, all for his needs and purposes. It is text book in the way that he has behaved. Have you read any of my books, as they will allow you additional insight and enlightenement as to why he has behaved this way and help you process through the emotional position you are currently in.

      1. Rac2 says:

        What are these heights you speak of ? And how do you explain the complete lack of attachment? He still calls me , text me, tells me he wants to come back blah blah. . How does one not feel guilt? I know the one way to ruin a Narcissist is to expose him…what he doesn’t know is that I know all his secrets (I have proof) to truly expose him would be the best..and take his ass to court . But the empath in me says be the bigger person. .I will not be a silent victim.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The heights are making you feel loved, adored, appreciated, special, a queen, a princess, the centre of our world, the light in our lives, our flowers in bloom and so on and so forth. We take you up and up before casting you down.
          The lack of attachment. We are attached to you, considerably so, because we wrap our tendrils around you, but we can readily switch from love to hatred in the blink of an eye because we are created to engage in black and white thinking, all or nothing, with us or against us, friend or foe, hero or zero.
          We don’t feel guilt because we have never been programmed to do so.

  3. Rachel says:

    Oh do I have a story!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Let’s be having it then !

  4. Debbie says:

    I am debating on purchasing any books and what to start with??? All of the different things you have posted make my just ended 5 year relationship make more sense. I can not wrap my head around all the bs I put up with and why I stuck it out so long. I am an independent strong woman and this man has almost destroyed me! And I am still dealing with the emotional trauma daily. If I had not caught him with another girl-can’t use the work woman since she is a child!- he would still be playing me now!!! And I feel like an idiot for not seeing the signs before and I still keep trying to talk myself into thinking it was not that bad!!! This past weekend We were at a mutual friends house and I have not seen or talked to him in 2 months and he flipped out in front of his gf when he saw me talking to another man! Everyone said he now sees what a mistake he made and I am worried that he will try to approach me again and I need the strength to stay away!!!

    1. malignnarc says:

      All sentiments many,many people share with you Debbie. He will approach you again, of that there will be no doubt. Read and understand to shore up your defences.

      1. Debbie says:

        I moved out in August and he kept the game up until I caught him in January with this girl. There has been no contact since the 3rd week in January after I moved the rest of my stuff out. Is it possible he is done messing with me??? I only live 2 miles away….we are in a rural area so he knows what I am always doing. Will he stop the game??? He did with his ex wide after we started dating and I moved in…..or was me catching him with someone else not part of his plan and he’s just trying to figure a new angle with me?

        1. malignnarc says:

          The game is never over, but you can minimise the frequency of the game. Read Black Hole to understand why the game continues.

  5. MShelley says:

    All so interesting
    I’m still unsure if it’s my partner or me that is the narc
    Does that mean it’s me?

    1. malignnarc says:

      Hello MShelley. Why don’t you tell us more about the ways you and he or she behave.

  6. mlaclarece says:

    I found this to be one of H.G.’S most insightful books. He breaks out again the different types and classes of narcissists but very importantly their core pillars which construct the faΓ§ade. For that reason alone it puts the missing puzzle piece into understanding how the person you are dealing with is wired. Then the actual Revenge tactics are the cherry on top!

  7. HeartsOnFire says:

    Ok…. I am going to have to go out and buy all the books…these conversations intrigue me…. What was the comment about “someone I use to know” a reference to? I wrote a poem about that… about him…

    1. malignnarc says:

      Good move Hearts on Fire, you wont regret it.

  8. karaa34 says:


  9. notquiteanarc says:

    Revenge is oh so sweet and I loved this book! I typically have no desire to cause anyone harm or discomfort in any way, unless they have wronged me of course. A few months back I discovered my N’s secret life and all of his lies (that could have potentially affected my life had I let it get that far) smacked me in the face. So, I felt that it would be fitting to not only block him from my life but also let his ex wife know about his recent raise so she could extract more child support. Why stop there, I helped his live in girlfriend (he told me he was single) find the strength to move out and take most of his furniture with her. It didn’t matter that I’m married, I was honest about my status. Revenge did feel sweet but I found myself missing the intoxicating sex so I called his phone and hung up from a blocked # a few times. He called me and we have now resumed the dance. Moral of the story, N’s can be used and manipulated just as empaths can.

    1. HeartsOnFire says:

      I think you are only fooling yourself….don’t let the poison back in…. I could never let him back in…EVER.. it would destroy me completely. There are reasons we all escaped these types of relationships… they are not healthy and they steal the happiness and very soul from our bodies…. Well mine did… So sick of being told I am crazy… I am not the one who is crazy… well maybe a bit πŸ˜‰ but I didn’t get there on my own πŸ™

    2. MLA - Clarece says:

      Good for you pulling that off and you still managed to lure him back in on your terms. I find it interesting that despite your Revenge efforts, he was willing to engage and not keep you in discard mode. Be careful though. I believe H.G. had a blog a few months back on bringing you back up the cliff just so they can push you off higher and punish you more the next time.

      1. malignnarc says:

        Indeed I did Clarece and you can find it here –

  10. karaa34 says:

    Here is a question for you, HG????
    Both my narcs, targeted me for seduction following two serious life events/ stressors. The first one targeted me months after the disolution of my first marriage, using even more tactics after we felt he had competition for my affection.

    The second months after my mother died. Even though we had been friendly through outer circles for almost two years prior to that. Was this done because they knew I was most vulnerable at this time and thusly more suspectible to their tricks and traps, trappings and entrapments?

    As well. Those were the only two men in my entire live of relationships to ever claim they were my soul mate, that we were defined to be together. I never felt it all with the first one, but I did with all my soul with the second. Other then he is a liar, a cheater, and Narcsisist, we were like ying and yang in our likes and dislikes and pleasures and I do not believe , no matter what you state, he faked it all.

    Not every one believes in the concept of soul mates, so why do narcissists utilize this tactic on victims? In both cases, they never knew my belief in spiritual/ emotional connections prior to using it on me. They both initiated it.

    One more thing, my husband knew he was attractive, even my lawyer, said he was attractive when I took him to court. Stating he uses his looks and charm to attach to women. But, the second narc, knew he wasn’t attractive ,hence all the fake profiles with photos of shirtless sexy men to entice his fuel.
    So where the first knew he could entrap victims sexually with his appearance, the second knew he could not, so used social media as a means to entrap. Why I know he would never have had physical contact sexually with any of them. As he wouldn’t want to risk, the disappointment in their eyes, when they saw how he really looked. For me, it was how he looked, so much as how I felt about him when I looked at him. It was his humour, his intellect, his charm and his passion that drove my attraction. He always complained that all my other boyfriends were so attractive and I looked so good with them, that he was ugly and he didn’t deserve me. I hated when he said such things, I never felt that way. I just accepted him. Looks fade, personality is forever.
    I open this up to all readers as well who can give some input on these questions. Especially if you have had similar experiences. Much thanks to everyone x

    1. malignnarc says:

      We find it a distinct advantage to target a prospect when he or she is either still reeling from a stressful life event because as you note this vulnerability increases his or her susceptibility to our overtures. You need a crutch and we are that crutch. Moreover, empathic individuals react with greater emotion to these events and in turn this means more fuel stands to be gathered. Even if the life event was some time ago we react favourably to learning that oyu have suffered this and it will provide us with a basis for exhibiting false sympathy during seduction and a pressure point to use against you during devaluation.
      By referring to being soul mates allows us to cover all bases with two words. Those who have a belief in spirituality etc are attracted by the notion of compatibility going beyond the earthly and of course by making reference to something of a spiritual nature we are also mirroring you so you become attracted to us all the more. Even if our target is no especially spiritual the phrase ‘soulmate’ denotes an intimacy, a togetherness and a compatibility which goes beyond the normal, if it so happens that you are spiritual then that is a bonus.

      1. karaa34 says:

        Thank you, thank you and thank you so much…for this answer. It is all I could have hoped for and wanted. It makes perfect sense and is as wondering if they use it on non spiritual people and you even answered that unasked question. Great anticipation on your behalf. Call me a fool, if you may, but I still believe my Heathcliff is roaming the moors searching for me. Everything is timing and I will await the time allotted for me. Even if it is the next life….I can feel you cringe at those words….there there, be thankful it isn’t you 😏

        1. malignnarc says:

          You are most welcome Kara. Yes Heathcliff is most likely out there now.

          1. karaa34 says:

            Alas, I am too far way to find him. When I next embark that way, I will look for signs of his presence as I walk along the moors and Haworth.

      2. karaa34 says:

        Yes, my Narcs dad died only weeks before my mum died. He never showed any grief to me and refused to have me console him. Not that he consoled me, other then To reaffirm my mum never loved me and not to waste my tears on her. He did instead proceed with a defined love bombing mission. That if I am completely honest was what I needed at the time to heal. I cried nightly for months. Crying is cathartic, it helped me heal that which I never had resolve for the past, as she died so unexpectedly.
        His approach was through words, poetry, so many poems, I felt so very much loved and adored by him. He knew I felt love most In the little things that money often could not buy. Attention, time, honesty, making me smile or laugh,listening to me, problem solving together.
        It is sad now knowing, that this was all simply part of his plan, why my mind often grasps to know which if any were the real him. Therein lies my need to seek closure and not revenge. I thought full circle, Explanation was required 😏

    2. 1jaded1 says:

      Necro comment. I was with 2 Narcs, Karaa. The first was extremely good looking and I wondered why he gave me the time of day. He called me Pygmalion. My second wasn’t attractive but his charm ooh lala.. He called me a soulmate. I told him that I didn’t have one…that I lost mine. I wish revenge on neither. Bad things have happened to each and it actually makes me sick and sad.

      1. Miss_stress says:

        Hi jaded1….i have been off WordPress and just saw reply. I still believe in soul mates and that mine is awaiting me somewhere, perhaps he has been hidden by the imposters that reach me first. I am dreading my next big life stressor and what man will befall me…just kidding, sort of.
        I don’t wish ill on mine either, but the tumultuous of engagement is a struggle. Breaking free is difficult at times Physically, I find easier then emotionally.
        Keep your kindness and good heart, despite the pain and pangs of such relationships.

  11. karaa34 says:

    I would never in this time call a self admitted Narcissist my soul mate again….I actually thought mine was my soul mate and he professed to be such. It was Something special to me,that I wished for in this lifetime and thought I had finally found. But, it was a joke to him, obviously. 😞

    1. Amanda Klein says:

      I thought the same of mine, in the beginning. Come to find out he would actually make jokes to his inner circle friends like, “I have no feelings, just ask Amanda lol”. To think that everything we shared was a lie and that my devaluing, my demise, was in fact entertaining even amusing, sickens me in a way that only you all could possibly understand.

  12. bethany7337 says:

    HG…you are so wise. In many ways. A trait I have observed in all the N’s I have known. Of course, your wisdom reigns supremeπŸ˜€

    I guess one could become very wise from thinking so much unhindered by a full range of emotions.

    1. malignnarc says:

      You are learning. If it serves no purpose in our quest, we do not have it.

  13. T says:

    yay!!! I just go it via Amazon!!!

    1. malignnarc says:

      Enjoy the insights T.

  14. bethany7337 says:

    Revenge has never been, or will ever be part of who I am. No one is worth stopping to such a low vibrational place. That makes me an N to exact revenge. It’s so petty and childish…even in the face of being treated with such malice and abuse.

    My revenge can only be to live on…and live well.

    Still look forward to reading it HG, your writing is brilliant, a psychological treasure map and blue print of the inner landscape of the Narc. I read …I recoil…sometimes I laugh…it’s like getting all the benefits of cozying up to an N…never boring, always edgy …without the emotional investment. ..or pain.

    1. malignnarc says:

      An excellent way of describing what it is to engage with me Bethany. It is true that seeking revenge is not for everyone. Some choose not to do it, others are not equipped to achieve it but nevertheless I daresay you shall find something of insight and interest within its pages approaching it as you do in such an open-minded way.

  15. karaa34 says:

    One would have to be an utter fool to take revenge upon you.

    1. malignnarc says:

      You are learning.

    2. nikitalondon says:

      Karaa agree. Would be dumb to take revenge on exactly the person writting about how to take revenge … 😨

      1. malignnarc says:

        Not to say downright rude after all the insight I have provided you with !

      2. karaa34 says:

        I am sure some of his victims, may have tried or he pacified and subdued them with his hypnotizing stare πŸ€”

  16. karaa34 says:

    I forget so quickly from Previous post, that you do not do the hard work, we do. I have been trying, closure feels like it will keep me warmer, the revenge would.

  17. karaa34 says:

    I am sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I just wanted you to show me why revenge is better then my seeking closure, it is my ongoing question.

    1. malignnarc says:

      No offence taken. Revenge may well result in the ultimate closure.

      1. karaa34 says:

        It may be, but can I live with exacting revenge on someone, that is my issue. Can my conscience abide by it. I read hour new article and will post a personal experience of mine. It will be the perfect example, of an individual where revenge would have been sweet, but I permitted other avenues to intervene on my behalf with him. How do I exact revenge on a man I was in love with, whose only harm to me was doing what he is naturally programmed to do, seek fuel. That would be condemning him For being himself.. Where I swore acceptance of him. The one I will write about On other post was evil and revenge on him would, have been justified. It confounds me too much.

        1. malignnarc says:

          Oh the empathy continues to flow it is most appealing.

      2. karaa34 says:

        It may well be, I agree. But. What if he doesn’t deserve revenge? Would you want your exes to seek revenge upon you as outlined in your book?

        1. malignnarc says:

          Of course not but we are not writing about exacting revenge on me are we? The fundamental question is, what do you understand by revenge when applied to our kind?

          1. karaa34 says:

            Destroying, valuable facets of fuel supply, from family, friends, employment, utilizing ways to shatter the image you have falsely created to this circles by verifiable proof. Then initiate no contact by all possible means of retribution. What do you mean by revenge. To be clear, I have nevr once take revenge on anyone….hence, my hesitation.

          2. malignnarc says:

            Interesting and fairly close to what I regard as to what true revenge over a narcissist looks like. What do I regard as revenge? I assume you mean in terms of revenge over a narcissist as that is what we are discussing. If you are, well it is all in the book and actually forms an important point that someone seeking revenge needs to consider.

  18. karaa34 says:

    Too funny, I wrote convincing and predictable changed it to conniving….how knwledgeableπŸ˜€

  19. karaa34 says:

    I am teetering on forgiveness and closure versus revenge….can I be swayed in another direction and thusly buy the book?

    1. malignnarc says:

      Revenge tastes better.

      1. karaa34 says:

        In your mouth. Perhaps. But, I have a more delicate palate then you. I use utensils, not a forked tongueπŸ˜‰

        1. malignnarc says:

          I saw you using your fingers only yesterday you big fib.

          1. karaa34 says:

            I didn’t use my fingers to eat with 😏 don’t be angry, I am only telling you the truth. Would it be bette lie then?

      2. karaa34 says:

        Please, remit, a more conniving argument πŸ˜‰

        1. malignnarc says:


          1. karaa34 says:

            So defiant….says I and you😏 okay, the. You prefer I use my own thinking on this matter. Thank you,that is very respectful of you.

          2. karaa34 says:


      3. Jill says:

        Apparently, I need this book and I have a lot of work to do, since your narssistic tone intrigues me.

        1. malignnarc says:

          Hello Jill, fill your boots and read on.

  20. karaa34 says:

    I am striving to be the next to last purchaser….as I hope I shouldn’t ever require REVENGE. if it comes to that, then I shall buy your book HG 😏

    1. malignnarc says:

      That’s not the answer I was looking for !

      1. karaa34 says:

        But it is the one you are receiving, isn’t it πŸ˜€ as I I said, if I buy into revenge, then I shall buy Revenge. If I am shown revenge it be my best option.

    2. alexis2015s says:

      I have no intention of revenge Karaa, but it is still an enjoyable book and really made me laugh at the mere thought of it.

      1. malignnarc says:

        A satisfied reader. That pleases me.

        1. alexis2015s says:

          You know me HG, I like to please you. And you know exactly how to please me too. Soul mates forever πŸ’‹

          1. malignnarc says:

            I was just thinking the very same thing.

          2. nikitalondon says:

            Now you have two soul mates for ever! Me and Alexis πŸ’‹πŸ’‹.

      2. karaa34 says:

        It more sardonic, then evil?

      3. karaa34 says:

        I meant to say satanic πŸ˜‰

  21. alexis2015s says:

    ‘Now you’re just somebody that I used to know’

    1. malignnarc says:


  22. alexis2015s says:

    Read it !! Well almost there hahah

    Some parts of this book are literally cracking me up !! I especially love the part about referring to them as a lower status than they are.

    Mine has no status anywya, although he tries to elevate himself.

    I am far more qualified than he, with many letters. Although I rarely tell people and never use them. πŸ‘Š

    1. malignnarc says:

      You were quick off the mark Alexis.

      1. alexis2015s says:

        I was logged into Amazon all night, watching and waiting………………..For my HG fix

        1. malignnarc says:

          I know this to be true.

  23. nikitalondon says:

    πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ and you know what it means wanting to be the #firstpurchaser πŸ˜‰

    1. malignnarc says:

      Indeed I do.

      1. MLA-Clarece says:

        I think I was the first U.S. purchaser!

        1. malignnarc says:

          I would not expect anything less Clarece !

  24. nikitalondon says:

    You see I have a super long way to walk from parking to office and I just knew it would be there πŸ˜ƒ

    1. malignnarc says:

      You get me. You are the only one.

  25. nikitalondon says:

    I am the first one πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

    1. malignnarc says:

      You have been waiting and watching without me announcing!

      1. nikitalondon says:

        It was a calculation out of an estimated time of delivery. πŸ˜ƒ

        1. malignnarc says:

          I admire and appreciate your calculation!

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