The Inexorable March of Time

Oscar Wilde mentioned in Dorian Gray that everything was possible since he had beauty and youth. I am very much of that mind set and accordingly the thought of becoming old fills me with revulsion. Horrifically I do not have to apply my imagination to this scenario (and to be frank I would not do so) because I need look no further than my Uncle Robert. He stands in front of the mirror and rants at the cruelty that is reflected back at him. His withered frame a reminder that he is no longer the uber mensch he has always maintained that he was. (He certainly seemed that way when I was a child. I do not remember the details but I do remember his stories about his adventures and achievements. They seemed spectacular and exotic. So tantalising). Now he realises that the charm which he once exuded has worn thin and does not have the allure it once had.

Every day brings a physical or mental insult and he realises that he is becoming a burden on those around him. He will not accept this transition with any grace. Indeed, he refers to his peers as old men but not ever himself. He regards himself as far younger, indeed, I often hear him repeating the things which I say. It is evident to me as the autumn of his life envelopes him that he wishes to remain reflected in my summer sun.

The tricks,the smoke and the mirrors that he once deployed with consummate expertise have deserted him or is it that a lifetime’s exposure to them have enabled those who were on the receiving end to create some kind of immunity to them ? Do they now see through the magic he once was able to weave about him? His deceit and bile are more evident that ever and I know he rarely receives visitors these days, they seem to think that there is little point in being subjected to his put-downs and insults.

His razor-sharp mind has become dulled, probably addled from the excessive alcohol he regularly indulged in (and probably still does) and the noble features have become craggy and distorted. He cannot summon the charm and sophistication to lure people into his world and instead has to rely on provocation, savageness and acidic accusations. His potency has been exhausted and try as he might to scramble away, he is sinking inexorably towards mediocrity and averageness.

I rarely see him but he regularly telephones me and I indulge him allowing him to rage down the telephone line about his injurious state arising from his dilapidated condition. It is worth listening as some of his fury contains choice, vintage lines which I write down for later use. Those barbed words when allied to my youthful charm and brilliance will work marvellously.

Uncle Robert never considered what would happen when madame time outstrode him and his current condition serves as a salutary lesson to our kind. Narcissists do not generally age well. Fortunately, I have been able to see into the future and I can ensure that I do not fall victim to Uncle Robert’s fate, but then, I have always been cleverer than him haven’t I?

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44 thoughts on “The Inexorable March of Time”

      1. I will grow old, I am resigned to that but there is no reason why there should be any reduction in my powers with astute planning.

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      2. HG the construct at work is pretty inversely correlated to age. The older you get, the less you will have from it, sometimes even loose part of it, but this is not a problem if you dont make work your life.
        The rest is okay. With a good strategy and legacy I am sure you will manage 🌔

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  1. The last time N1 came home from NYC to visit his mother….it did NOT go well….she now has a full set of dentures….and she took them out in front of him, and it devastated him?! He said seeing his mother age reminded him of his own mortality….it made him extremely uncomfortable….

    I notice every N I know has a soft spot for a choice niece or nephew….not sure why….even if they have their own kids…there is one niece or nephew (especially once they reach adulthood)…that gets a lot of their attention and usually their $!

    Perhaps they are a mini version of themselves?….or they remind them of their siblings when they were young?

    I’m glad you are giving your uncle some attention, HG. Although you insist it’s for selfish reasons….but it probably means the world to him….

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    1. Agree T this is common to Ns. A freight to aging and death… Every single one I know has this freight. Of course nobody wants to age, I do all I can to delay the signs of years also but I am not afraid.
      HG is even aware of that 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼.
      You should share more of the strategy HG. I also dont want to age fast or badly. Maybe I can use some of you strategy..

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    2. I think its not so clear above, I meant HG is aware already that he will put up a strategy to avoid the aging mistakes of his uncle. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
      I am pretty sure you wont fail.

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  2. I started a reply to this, then it vanished, not sure if it was posted, I will wait to see then write again, this one sparked my interest.

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      1. Thank you for the confirmation You.

        Well I’m sorry my previous writing was somehow erased, as I stated this was interesting to me as you chose to allude to ‘Dorian Gray’ (re. a previous comment comparing you to him). I’ve noticed that if something is mentioned, that strikes a chord with you (maybe) you then write about it.

        Well , yes you might enforce certain strategies that will ensure the copious amounts of fuel that you require and not become an embittered, lonely old man as you portray Uncle Robert to be. No doubt some unsuspecting, kind soul (or several) will perhaps be conned into seeing you through your twilight years catering to your every whim. You seem confident the same fate will not await you, time will tell.

        You mention good genes, yes some of us are blessed with those (my MN was 3 years younger than me, I look 10 years younger than him), but ill health can strike at any moment. He, at the age of 34 collapsed at work totally out of the blue, a seemingly healthy and fit man, long story short, congenital heart disease, emergency surgery now has a pacemaker. He became more more angry, flawed in his eyes, dependant on a tiny piece of machinery to keep him alive. How does someone so arrogant and think he’s invincible deal with that?

        You can place any strategy you want into place, no contingency plan will ever be enough with the unexpected sh*t life throws our way. You’ll never stop that inevitable onset of ageing, fading looks, ravaged features, yes just like Dorian (and perhaps the double P problems previously mentioned too). It must bother you that the ugliness you hold within is always there despite all your machinations and fake fuel you receive, yes it’s fake because the way you acquire it is fake. You (you refers to those of your ilk) surely must realise you’re a fraud therefore any fuel you receive is all based on lies, an illusion? Doesn’t it bother you that your entire life is a lie?

        I know wholeheartedly the only true words ever spoken to me was when he was insulting his mother, and this- him staring at me intently with dead eyes, and like a stranger, then stating ‘I’m so jealous of you, you’re a much better person than I could ever be’ …and yes I believed that, because it’s true.

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      2. Hello Me,
        Yes sometimes comments do strike a chord and cause me to consider a particular topic although on this occasion this post is an older one which I decided to re-post (for the benefit of recent readers) so on this occasion it preceded your comment. You are correct that the strategies are in place and will be in place to avoid Uncle Robert’s fate. It is true that ill health can come out of nowhere and precautions and regular screening are a particular comfort. It is certainly true that life can throw unexpected events our way but I am light on my feet and of suitable mobility to anticipate what might be coming and if not to deal with it appropriately when it arises, after all, I do not carry the burdens that you. My entire life is not a lie. There is much that I achieve which is real and a fact. The lies that I tell are necessary to keep moving forward but there are real achievements amongst the mendacious acts.

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  3. Now I’m curious, how old are you HG? I guess about 42?

    How will you avoid Uncle Robert’s fate? By growing from the insight you are gleaning from your journey or just strategic planning based off different choices he made?

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  4. It is possible HG. It is true that most N do not age well, some dont but some do. It depends not on being a narcissist or not it depends in your life style. Most narcissist do have this life style of excess party, sex, alcohol, sleep deprivation, cigarrettes and rage and this all combined wears the body down. But if you avoid this or have it in a normal range like Non NPD people, then there is no reason why you should age badly. I know two very disciplined NPDs who do not fell for the party fast lane and they have aged pretty well. Sleep deprivation is I think the biggest silent enemy for aging for everybody, NPD or not.
    A person who is non NPD and does all of the above will also age pretty rapidly.
    Its lifestyle.
    Ahhh and one more thing.
    ” i dont get angry I get furious”
    When you get furious your body segregates Cortisol, this stress hormone in high levels also contributes to aging.
    So dont worry and be happy ☀️. I know its easily said, but I cant say otherwise… As said above I know NPDs aging even better than non NPDs. ⛽️⛽️.

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  5. Part of your “insurance policy” and legacy ,no doubt, is this site and your books. It enables many, many sources of diverse fuel into the future. After all, there will always be new and upcoming narcissists to retain the need for your current stance of providing knowledge to those involved in the dance. Many more are being created daily. You will be famous and many of them will feel threatened and provide you with more fuel…it’s a win/win situation for you and all sorts of others that engage in your teachings; if they choose to make it so. You may need to engage in a voice recognition of sorts to do your typing eventually, but there is no need to ever quit riding the wake of this venture you are currently building. I do believe it is loss of fuel that breaks the narcissist and so, moreso, the loss of it’s control of continual supply that makes n’s feel like they are past it. I have seen it. You, I believe, are in fact so observant of others…the good, the bad and the ugly “everything” in everyone’s ways and little worlds, that you can ensure yours is as you require it to be, designed for you to feel omnipotent forever. Ensuring you engage with the exact levels and kinds of fuel you require to do so forever. You are and will be blessed by design. (HG…You know you’ve got this 😉)

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  6. Hello HG we’ve had this discussion before .

    While agree it’s perfect in principle , I still think that health issues will be a barrier . You can stay as fit and healthy as you possibly can which will help , but ultimately old age will catch up with you & with that eventually disease or illness .

    In order to continue your eternal search for fuel you’ll need to retain at the bare minimum your mental capacity, but what if your body is ravaged by disease , a stroke . motor neurone , parkinsons , MS to name but a few , you might get a smattering of fuel in the form of a carer after all she will be an empath , but your not that type of narc .

    Sorry I don’t want to put a downer on your Saturday, not that I could , but just saying . 🙂 Enjoy your weekend .

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    1. I have excellent genes. The Tudor brain is razor sharp and looking at my ancestors this has always been the case. I note your observations but I am confident that the silver sheen of elegance will accompany in advanced age alongwith all my faculties and of course the added advantage of a lifetime of manipulative experience to call on.

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      1. Uncle Robert is probably more caustic and abrasive now because he has a lot more alone time to deal with his inner creature. Another strategy could be with the resources you have, i.e. Dr. E and Dr. O, let them help you face your creature and integrate. This rather than a lifetime of seeking external sources for supply that you never can truly bond with. No matter what, the quantity of supply will dry up and you will have to evolve to soften up to keep available what you are able to keep. Otherwise it’s you and that creature in the golden years.

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      2. I have told him several times the same. If the Drs cant help him find inner fuel where it would not have to depend on external emotions and even less negative external emotions.
        Also I think there are inner healings the Ns could do which would eventually reduc the need of fuel itself.

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    2. So sad

      Even that they have to their advantage. Usually they leave this earth in a sudden way without having to struggle through those kind of minimizing sickness or if sick not a long term sickness… Usually.. Is what I have seen with my family members.
      Its a neutral and objective fact I am giving you here.

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      1. Thank you for replying nikitalondon . How are you ? 🙂

        I understand what you say, but illness & disease don’t discriminate & often strike unexpectedly .. Unless HG has some super power he may be lucky , but never immune .

        I nursed ( yes ever the empath ) an arch deacon who was struck down with Parkinsons . A man who truly believed that god would be his saviour but he god didn’t save him and he died .

        I believe that HG ” thinks” he will over come & conquer this but I also think that it’s a reflection of his narcissistic personality . I mean narcs are always right . Yes .. xx

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      2. I see your point so sad. Yes some might face long terrible sicknesses like parkinson, or Alzeihmer or any other kind of brain deterioration but what I was trying to point is that not because somebody is a narc he will contract one of those sickness. This can come to everybody. I would rather say Narcissists tend to be also healthier and stronger than empaths.
        Those sicknesses attack such a big population that I think its equally divided into disordered people and not disorderd people. I also work on the health sector.
        I dont know many narcissists in the old age but I would rather say they tend to leave the world with low sufferement… Its my impression… But who know what is awaiting for each one of us in 40 years…
        My exes for example take lots of care of themeselves, eating right etc. i dont think that because they are narcissists they have more chamces of getting sick…its also genetic.
        Hope I could make my point, but yes I agree with you some will eventually contract painful sicknesses.

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  7. I don’t think it’s stubborn. I think they see no reason to change because they do not see anything wrong with them. In fact, they think are better than those of us weighed down by empathy and compassion. If you measure a life by your ability to acquire accomplishments and without the weight of moral obligations, they are right. Think about how much you could get done if you didn’t care about the experiences of others except for how they serve your needs. And to also be unburdened by sadness, loneliness, grief, despair, and any negative emotions except energizing ones like anger. It’s power. There is a lot in modern society that supports the acquisition of power as the highest of goals. I don’t buy for a minute that HG needs our compassion or approval beyond needing adulation (or consternation) as a source of fuel.

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  8. My grandparent’s had to live at skilled nursing facilities in their last days. They required 24 hour skilled care that we could not provide at home.

    I learned a lot by being a visitor at those places….those patients that were abusive to staff….NEVER had one visitor. Looking back….I wonder how many of them were N’s.

    Some patients that had a ton of kids like my grandma….ALWAYS HAD SOMEONE THERE…..Those that were childless but kind…had friends, nieces, nephews, children of friends come out.

    This was very telling to me….

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  9. Hello again You. I’ve been busy and not had time to read or reply to this till now.

    As you know I am fairly new and have not had time to read all your previous posts (I will in time), yes this one was a new one for me, interesting that you chose to ‘rehash’ it at the particular time you did.

    You seem very defensive here, (your reply to me) also presumptuous as to what I (or others) may or may not carry. It feels that you protest too much sometimes, to amplify your ‘invincibility’ but ultimately you are flesh and blood and subject to the same weakness you see in your ‘inferiors’.

    I cannot doubt your academic or professional achievements, I don’t know you, I have to take that on what you say. I cannot doubt your intelligence, it is evident in your writings. I see a very troubled, tormented and dark soul in you. There are things you say that make me laugh out loud as they resonate so clearly and others that make me pity you. I admire your honesty but equally your ruthlessness and arrogance repels me. I see myself in some of what you say and in a way it fascinates me. The difference with us maybe is that I possess humility where you have none. Whatever strategies you feel you have in place will catch up with you one day, whether you chose to believe that or not (yes, that karma bitch).

    I wish you nothing but well as that old age advances, I hope your good genes see you well, I hope you don’t, as I have seen, healthy and good people drop dead in front of your eyes, I hope your lies and manipulative experience see you through to a long and lonely life. I hope you, maybe, one day find some kind of peace.

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    1. Quite the assessment there Me and I was enjoying reading it until you hoped for a lonely life for me, that’s not very empathic or kind is it? I am relaxed however because your other compliments eased the blow of that comment and furthermore I know that I will always have people around me, it has always been the case so far, why would it change?

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      1. My empathy and kindness extends to those that deserve it.

        I cannot answer for those you con and lie to and will continue to be around you. That’s their cross to bear not mine.

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