The Cast Off Quintet (The 5 Reasons Why We Discard You)

 

 

The seduction is mesmerising and as part of its allure we of course tell you why we chose you with a thousand different sensual sentences. Some may seem over-the-top; others make sense to you but either way you are giving the basis of understanding why we have been drawn to you. We do not tell you the real reasons why we chose you but we do provide you with some.

The devaluation is tortuous, horrific and unpleasant. You are unable to ascertain why we have suddenly knocked you from your pedestal. It is bewildering and confusing and only serves to add to your pain. You may have some reasons hurled at you but they will not make any sense to you and this is by design, to keep you confused and where we want you. Reasons are given, they just do not make sense.

Then comes the discard and more often than not you are left sprawled in the dust, exhausted, bereft and shattered with no explanation given as to why you have been thrown to one side as we stroll off into the sunset walking away nonchalantly. Why has it ended so suddenly? What did you do wrong? Why have we not told you why this has happened? The pain of being rejected is magnified by the failure to provide you with any explanation. Naturally, this refusal to explain is part of our design. We feel no need to explain because we can do as we want. We feel no need to give reasons because in our eyes you deserve no reasons because you have failed us. We offer no information for you to consider and process because certainly amongst the lesser of our kind they do not know themselves why is has ended, but it had to. This is the way it has to be.  There are however reasons why you are discarded. These are those reasons.

 

  1. You Have Wised Up

You have worked out, usually as a consequence of some external assistance that we must provoke you and make you react in an emotional fashion. You may not entirely understand why this dynamic occurs, you may not realise why it is so important to us, but you know that we want to make you react and you have stopped doing so. You have learned to respond in a neutral fashion and thus deprive us of our fuel. We apply our machinations in a harsher fashion, increasing the pressure to cause you to react as we feed on our secondary sources in the meanwhile but your resistance is substantial. You have not walked away, perhaps you are unable for financial reasons, children or the inconvenience of seeking a new home, but you have turned off the tap and we realise that it is not going to be turned back on anytime soon. We do not want to be in this weakened state and we do not wish to apply the energy we need to finding or embedding a new primary source to be used up on trying to squeeze fuel from you. Thus you are dropped.

 

  1. The New Source Is in Place

We began our devaluation of you as we sought a replacement for you. This explains the repeated affairs and now we have settled on your replacement as a primary source of fuel. He or she has been seduced and embedded into our supply chain. We are confident that they are functioning well, pouring forth delicious positive fuel in significant quantities and in a reliable manner, far better than you ever did. We have been fuelled by your negative fuel but there is no longer any need to keep you in play now that we have our new bright and shiny plaything. On to the scrap heap you go. We will come back later for a hoover of course, but for now it is adios.

 

  1. You’re Broken

Although it may seem during devaluation that we are trying to destroy you, that is actually not the case. Yes, we are driving you downwards through our repeated application of horrible manipulations but we do not want to finish you off. Just like somebody’s head we are holding under water, we will let you surface spluttering and gasping for air, by way of a respite period before plunging you into the icy water once again and holding you under. In and out, up and down, push and pull. We will have you bouncing along the bottom but not destroyed. Sometimes we go too far and the avalanche of abuse takes its toll on you resulting in you becoming broken. You are left numb, barely functioning or even hospitalised as a consequence of a break down. You provide us with no reaction any longer. Unlike the first instance above, this is not by choice, but as a consequence of our behaviour breaking you. Knowing now that you will not provide us with any fuel, we show our callous nature by taking no interest in your broken state but instead we shift our focus to embedding the new prospect that we have been cultivating and drop you.

 

  1. Major Exposure

You may have us worked out but your shock and horror at this, along with your desire to actually try to help and change us, means you continue you to spill out fuel towards us. You have the knowledge but you are not using it effectively, so we see no reason to go elsewhere. You may be trying to tell other people about our terrible behaviours but we have got in first, launched the smear campaign and maintained the façade. It is business as usual. Occasionally however you might just outflank us and manager to tell other people what we are like before we can do anything about it. These people see some incontrovertible evidence that you have obtained (admittedly usually obtain when dealing with the lesser and mid-range of our kind) and take your side. News spreads and those people we thought we could rely on either turn their backs on us or worse take your side. The façade is crumbling. The fuel has stopped and the energy required to change people’s minds (with no guarantee of success) is too great. We have been exposed in a major fashion. Rather than face the music and allow ourselves to be destroyed we drop you like a stone, saddle up and ride out of town in order to find a new place which hasn’t heard about who we are.

 

  1. Wounding with Intent

You’ve brought your A game on this occasion. Not only do you know what we are, the revelations that you have been provided with have caused you to now understand how you can hurt us. You know to turn off the tap but you know how to obtain the ultimate revenge against us and your emotion-free criticisms are launched at us. These criticisms wound us repeatedly, burning and hurting us and with no way of getting fuel from you, we are being beaten. You have been well schooled by somebody and applying those learned lessons you are starting to attack the very pillars of our existence. We are under a serious attack and fighting back is not an option. We need to flee and quickly. We don’t want you any longer, we know we cannot succeed at this moment in time and therefore we need to beat a retreat and promptly. You don’t want to let us off the hook because you want answers and you want to punish us for what we have done to you. You are not going to end our connection. We are not going to hang around however and we will discard you as we beat that retreat so we can recover, replenish and then look to strike back at a later date when your guard may be down.

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76 thoughts on “The Cast Off Quintet (The 5 Reasons Why We Discard You)”

  1. Yessiree. #4. Right in front of a ton of people. Couldn’t control yourself this time, could you? Even to this day your ‘better than anyone else’ BS still flies. Amazing.
    What amazes me even more is that after 6 months after the fact, I still have occasional moments of…..delusion? Missing you? Egads.
    I love going to common public places because I know that my 100% indifference to you that I display makes you nuts.
    Forgive? Maybe. Forget? Never. I will have my revenge, eventually. You’re a 71 yr old Narc. Puhleeze.

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  2. And for some reason, I always let her (my mother) come back & do it AGAIN. A dog bites you & you don’t stick your hand in its mouth a second (third, fourth, fifth time), right?

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      1. I was going to say “a reasonable person doesn’t but I do” which is part of what makes me her favorite punching bag.

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  3. HG
    If we have figured you out. Called you out on your behavior and you quickly leave. Why would you come back to us in the future if we now have the means to hurt you and drain your fuel faster then most other people? The thought process of wanting to come back for more negative fuel that wounds you is hard to grasp. Really hard, when your so very confident people.

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    1. Because the desire for punishment and retribution is a considerable driving force. You may understand that we have a need for fuel. You may understand ways to wound us but you may still think we can improve, change or be given a second chance. One month you may want to lash out at us for what we have done, six months later you may feel sorry for us. Attitudes change and if we can surmount your defences, hoover you in and draw on that fuel for a period of time before you work out what we have done, we will take it. We may return for what is in effect a smash and grab for fuel if you will.

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  4. I am very anxious to read Creature. Do you have an idea when it will be released. I hope it goes into explaining what happens then the fuel is depleted. The N I have known had no other choice but to self injure. The physical pain was easier to handle then the emotional pit he was heading into. I am guessing he was low on fuel or empty.

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    1. I don’t have a release date yet other than it should be this year. The writing is in hand but it is a laborious process given what I am touching on and also it requires the involvement of the good doctors.

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      1. This thread is interesting. I am in your class C personality disorder your in. Our thinking is similar in many ways. Obvious diffrance being I am a huge empath. I however love a good game and will win at all cost. Should have been an attorney and not a nurse. That analogy gives you an idea of my extremes.
        Do you ever just give up because the women is just to good. Now better educated and on to you. Pissed enough to hang on until you disappear or better yet fizzle.
        In a side note. Music will kill me and is a trigger. I need to be very aware of your games in that department.

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      2. Past performance maybe with who you’ve encountered. You may not have met your match yet?

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      3. If it was goingto happen, it would’ve happened. My skill set has become better, my victim selection honed, my manipulations sharpened. I win the battle before it is fought.

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      4. It follows our thread from my comment about the Narc wanting to feel a “win” if a victim prooved successful with #5 “Wounding with Intent”.

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      1. I imagine since “winning” is vitally important to you, striking back at some point in the future is definitely on the agenda? However with an informed and empowered foe, it becomes a true battle of the wills moving forward. Since you enjoy mind games though, it’s probably a challenge you would relish to break them down again.

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      1. It’s all perspective. And yes, if an opportunity to respond when my Narc reaches out now that allows me to irritate to attack one of his precious “pillars” to get under his skin, after what he put me through, HELL YES! I actually had that chance recently and it felt pretty empowering to not be his doormat.
        You consistently maintain that the Narcs you know (some in your family) are wonderful people. That is your experience and that is fine. Not all of us here feel the same and our reactions, though different than what you would choose, may be applicable and well suited for our situation. There’s a reason H.G. calls me his little fireball!

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      2. Lol Clarence. Sure you are a fire ball!!
        Of course you have your ways according to your experience and me according to mine .. Im not judging at all.. Just wanted to ask because alot of people here talk about the revenge and getting back so just to get more view… Its something that I would never do.. I dont see the point but yours is as valid as mine 😃🌷

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  5. Hello HG

    I feel so much prepared after reading your articles. I fell out with a friend of mine of 7 years . She has always been controlling and want to know everything I do. When I don’t tell her what I’m doing today she hates it . Don’t understand why need to know what’s going on in someone else life. Boredom you think ? I know she loves to dominate

    Just told her last week that I can’t change my nature for her and she took herself out of WhatsApp group. We were in group chat with other friend .

    Then she did the smear campaign . Went round speaking to other people. But I’m not hurt. I’m so calm and I know how to handle it . Thank you HG

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  6. HG, you have probably heard the expression: I never lose. Either I win or I learn.
    Good narc quote, but then again, you NEVER lose. Period.

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  7. Seems like mine wasn’t quite able to discard me, until after I told him it was over. Then he proceeded with The Grand Hoover you’ve discussed, with a discard and a public smearing of me on FB. I knew he was a Narcissist for about a year before I ended it – always waiting for the discard which never happened. He blurted out once during the initial love-bombing phase “you’ll leave – they always do.” Which made me stick around longer than I should’ve. Now I wonder about that. It wasn’t until his online triangulation/ in person silent treatment that I ended things last year. (Now he’s Hoovering, btw) What’s your opinion about a Narcissist that can’t bear to actually do the discard himself? It’s almost as if he orchestrated ME to do the discard, but why?

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    1. A constructive dismissal if you will? I would suggest that such behaviour is borne out of a malevolent desire to keep pushing you to see whether you up sticks or break down in order to showcase his power over you. “Look how bad things got and she still wouldn’t go, just goes to show how magnetic I am yes?”

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      1. Thank you, HG. Your responses are always intuitive and brilliant. And spot on! During the smear he told people I had pushed HIM too far. Classic projection from him, mingled with much confusion and cognitive dissonance for me. Thanks to you, now I understand what that was all about. Thank you again for taking the time to answer my comments/questions.

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  8. Absolutely 5 and probably 2 no concrete evidence though but highly likely. Correction though, connection well and truly severed, don’t want or need answers. Would you retreat and recover in that instance and bother to strike back?

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  9. Hi, HG! I’m a long time lurker. Thank you for your candor on this blog. Your insights have been life saving.

    I’m currently dealing with number 5. She even went so far as to claim that I am harassing her! So now I’m being “punished” by being ordered to not contact her, lol. I’ve happily complied for the last two months – I’ve ghosted from her life. It must be getting to her as in the last week our “mutual friends”/lieutenants have made it a point to “casually” mention her to me or talk about her in my presence. They’ll get a disinterested response from me. The random bump into me is my favorite.

    It’s fun to see it for what it is now. I spoke my truth. She responded with fury. I truly hope she heals. With someone else. Me? I’m moving forward.

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    1. Hello Another Cara and thank you for posting. I am pleased my insights have proven useful to you. It is evident that you now recognise the behaviours and responses, just from your short message. What is the relationship status with you in respect of the five?

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  10. I videoblogged (which I have hidden til another time) and I explained that for me – I loved him..yet NEEDED him to discard me..I provoked him, I would tell him how regular he was – I wanted to know 100% that he was the 2nd coming of my Father….and I was tired of him coming back…it was killing me, literally…healthwise…Ladies, please know your immune system is compromised alongside your dignity. LEAVE

    For me – I wanted him to see my videos because I know he watches, as silent as he is….finally when I videod a few days ago, he finally ‘unfollowed’ my Youtube Site. I believe I hit his sorest spot (as I said he watched – ps they all watch dont let the silence fool you)

    I talked about how little money he had and he often seeks women like strippers. I then added his closest Soldier, his High Level Christian Narc (The bastards of the Universe) and basically explained how NPDs choose their women and how his Christian Narc found a nice women, good for presentation, but not too smart to run a conversation. And not smart enough to ever find me.
    He is an internet predator and so I finally let it out…I was dying to for years..So this was the blog that finally made him STOP following.

    Also what I did was when I saw he came out of ‘hiding’ on FB he would comment on mutual friends posts. Soooo Id post right underneath – Yes I antagonized him. Did I seek pleasure? NO

    Did I seek a way for him to say – OK she will get worse and worse unless I leave her alone. He thought he would kill me…once he said hell bring me to suicide.

    I laughed, then scream, probably while foaming the mouth, that he is a piss on compared to my Father, and I was bred for this. His insults would be smothered by the likes of my Dad so he should take lessons, bc HEd wind up committing suicide.

    He said my mouth was vile – I agree. Im an Empath but there is is teeeeenie bit of that NP rage that peeps out when I know that Ive been played.

    Hes taught me the art of chess now…I have 6 years….and I will use those years wisely to repay him…for all of the greatness he’s bestowed on me…..Some NPDs push certain women to a different point HG. Ones like me who have a streak. Dont want to go there….but…when its one too many times – it is time to hit him in his most prizes areas….That is tbc still…I still have planning to do (I just felt like the actress from ‘Gone Girl’..but..u have to calculate as they do…and my blogs are a wonderful way to begin…also befriending his ex so we both gained closure was quite the blow….

    Even Empaths can snap…and I dont mean in a straightjacket…I mean we analyse and learn….we know how to take the low road, its about whether we WANT TO or not….I say if you arent built for it since childhood…disappear….if you have a score to settle with Daddy, your NPD is the next best thing.

    Oh I wrote a novel, Excuse me, I had a few beverages. 🙂 Love you HG. you should read these blogs on your videos…they would be just as effective…just a thought..though I know you have your methods. GN

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    1. Thank you for sharing. I do intend to add the blogposts to the YouTube channel since there will be those who prefer to access it that way and to reach new people. I also want to provide new content as well for those dedicated followers who read here and want something additional from the channel.

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      1. The great thing about you is that Sam Vaknin is the only other person who speaks on Narcissism; I admire him a great deal as he is a catalyst to understand (IF you understand how medics or people in academia speak)

        In comparison, the greatest quality you possess in your education is that you have used personal experiences, and talk at a level where many will understand.

        PS You have a very James Bond accent – it’s no wonder you get the ladies 🙂 God day!

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      2. LMAO!!!! Well…it is what it is btwn us and u…silent tension goes a long way…I’ve learned…Happy Day to you, 007

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      1. I think you are thinking about Girl, Interrupted (one of my favs, btw) with Winona Rider?

        Nooo Gone Girl was actually a joke, but it is an AMAZING movie as well, where a woman plots the demise of her husband (she is a psychopath) and pretty much got away with all of her shenanigans.

        Nikita, I wish I could say I wish I had it in me to hurt anyone – the truth is, I shoo spiders out of my house and one time I ran over a squirrel and cried for a day.

        Hope that helps alleviate your worries (I try to maintain humor…as dry as it can be at times) 🙂

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      2. Hi Susan.
        The movie I saw was with Angelina Jolie. Its am excellent movie! But she is damaged, cold and bad so this is why I was wondering. The other movie I I dont know. Good that you have good feelings …. It compensates in my mind for the abortion comment you made the other day. That impressed me so much that it never left my head. 😖😖😖 but i see you have other perspectives.
        Be well Susan.

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      3. Which abortion comment??? I’m a writer (kind of) so not sure if I was using superfluous verbiage. I hear abortion and Im like whoooaaa what the Heck was I thinking about? 🙂 Let me know. Or was it that I believe my ex was the abortion that never happened? I think thats the one and it upset u? lol….

        Sorry I have an angry streak. I think I mentioned Im Empathic but when Im mad – I have a bit off Daddy Narc in me – so hard to explain…it’s like.. once Im pushed to the point where my feelings have been cut…my words cut as sharply (nothing Im proud of) but I can say some horrible things

        Yeah Girl Interrupted was amazing and Joilie did a superb job. She was the ‘leader’ of the gang of girls and taunted anyone who didn’t do as she said. So no….definitely not that…

        If you havent seen Gone Girl – please do – it was creative Genius.

        Hugs and Happy Friday to you, Nikita!!! Here it is raining, but in my mine – Im sunshine, flowers, and gumdrops (another joke only I can probably laugh at…Im from NJ so we have a ‘tough’ approach to pretty much anything we talk about…NYC is 15 mins from me. We live with road rage inside of us, silently – of course 🙂 Ciao!!!

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      4. Hi Susam

        Yes that was the comment 😢.
        Happy Friday to you too. I have been in NJ once my dad went to visit a childhood friend and took us along to Elisabeth NJ.
        NY was fun but too crowded… But shopping 🤗🤗… Hmmm

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      5. I was born in Elizabeth 🙂 Not the safest place to shop – or walk in public, really- it’s quite dangerous now…. but NJ has great beaches, wineries in the South (can you imagne w/all of the pollution?) and NYC is right over the bridge. Great pizza. Brooklyn in awesome and artsy now. Come back soon. 🙂 XO Hugs

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      6. Hi Susan
        I imagine it must be a dangerous place now. I dont remember much about Elisabeth as it was a day trip and we were staying in NY.
        And 30 or more years have passed…
        I imagine that corner of the world has lots of charm for the people who live there.
        At the moment my choice of vacations are mainly where I can be in contact with the ocean and nature..
        Enjoy the nearness to NY. Sometimes very rarely it happens that I would like to see the hassle of a big city for a day or so…
        Paris is 3 hours by train… Lets see.
        Enjoy and thanks for your messages.

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    1. Nikita I read this comment and Im literally laughing out loud….dont shift from one Narc to the other. This one is here to help you know hes naughty!!!!! They all are 🙂 lol hilariously cute!!!

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      1. Hi again Susan.
        I totally love everything about HGs voice. The tone, the pace, the accent 😍😍😍.
        HG is the bright side of the moon for me. 🌔

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      2. LMAO!!!! I love it! I truly do love reading your posts. You have such a sweet innocence….I wish I still had mine…

        Im in hypervigilent stage…Basically I question the motives of my Boston Terrier when he wants 1 too many treats (jk) But it’s good to read that you still have alot of love in your heart and soul. God stay with you, and keep you safe, my Dear xoxox

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      3. Susan thanks alot!!! I hope you soom are not so hypervigilant and reach a sustainable level that is convenient for you.
        Ahhh the dog must be lovely. I love those “flat nose” 💝. In fact I melt with all dogs.
        Mine were all street dogs but very sweet.
        A complete mixture 😂😂

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    2. Thank you Nikita. I’m hypervigilant. Not a Vigilante (yet, I hope) 🙂 And I believe I’m sustainable (Hoping, again) since I have a Site dedicated to helping victims of NPD abuse \…. When I laugh I laugh. It’s my week to laugh ….Ill be serious next week. This week I celebrate quitting my position at a company I didn’t like very much…

      As for the abortion comment, I’m sorry that made you sad. But if you knew how he spoke to me, that comment makes me seem like a Pomeranian puppy. 🙂 Be well. Keep smiling, and I look forward to your commentaries on these blogs (I enjoy them) Ciao!

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      1. Awwww that’s awesome, thank you. =)

        PS I am currently reading “REVENGE”….quite good so far… Night Night

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      2. haha. Nikita my revenge has been silence each time he asked to be left alone so that I didn’t stop him from being a millionaire….That, coupled with the fact that I was too much responsibility (like a dog, I imagine?) sickened more each time he left…I guess I’ve touched on some of the things HG mentioned already, without truly planning it out n my mind… I knew things that got under his skin – but I didn’t hurt him with intent…

        I started blogging to help me understand who he was and what I came from – because I knew I was a good person and woman, but I kept looking for ‘bad boys’ to help and fix and that wasnt my job.

        It took quite some time to understand why my patterns were as such.

        So I guess calling him normal was revenge, tho I didnt mean it to be malicious or spiteful (OK sometimes I did)

        I blogged about traits of Narcissism which he knew about. If he came over and we turned Roku on, and went to Youtube hed see all of the Narc Recovery Sites, and mainly Sam Vaknin’s videos…he would not say anything. This actually silenced him…if i know him well enough once I told him what he was, he may have went to Yubtube once or twice to study himself…though i doubt he’d ever admit it. He’d rather hurt people than stop seeing all of the perfection in him….pointing out others’ flaw is so much easier, I guess.

        But as far as things like sending emails etc Ive actually thought about those in the past lol. I laughed at this chapter bc I cant believe it would have been effective lol…

        In all actuality, I know myself too well – and when I’m angry or in the moment of reflection when I feel slighted over how my life has gone via the men I chose, I say things to make me feel better.

        The reality is that, none of my ex’s can say I was the nutty stalker (I may have cursed yelled screamed, etc..but stalking is a huge no-no) and they also know ovr time that I was probably best for them bc I really let them roam free to be the multiple personality man, that others didnt know…I was truly bred for them…

        So in time, I believe the best revenge is allowing them to meet their girl for the moment, watch her demand more time and material things….and realize I was truly A NPDs dream woman…I was invisible…looked good, spoke well, cooked, cleaned, made a good living…I was like a self-cleaning puppy….

        So no, I don’t plan on taking any steps though I implemented certain things for my own healing as well as knowing the last one had to go bc he was killing me – coming from a family where silence & stubborn is common… My revenge has been really cutting my Father off, and realizing that my alone time now is peaceful, and not in a heightened state of anxiety bc ‘he’ wont answer the phone, or hasnt made plans with me….My revenge isnt revenge at all really – it just seems to fit some of the pillars HG wrote on…to me, its called healing and loving myself more, while seeing him as a broken person in need of doing the same. But he wont. But I have. I guess this is revenge, unknowingly..but its working..because I know I dont love him nor would I want to help him anymore.

        I need breakfast. Rain makes me hungry. Sorry, the A.D.D. kicked in, and I rambled…. 🙂 Have a lovely Sunday and enjoy the book when you get to it. I enjoyed it very much!

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      3. Susan Anderson….I too feel I am an empath who has taken on the traits of a narc. I also have an overwhelming attraction to narcs. I have a relationship with one now that I am not sure if we are a match made in heaven or hell…. It kind of feels like both. I take comfort in the fact that at least I own my shit. And am learning to use it to best of my ability. I actually think I have forced him to up his game. There is a sick part of me too that loves the challenge. I too have attempted to make him discard me without success. Got my claws in deep. Sick little game of cat and mouse but obviously I like playing or I would not still be here.

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  11. . HG is reading his script . Emotionless . Nothing exciting there . I shut off the video after listening to that monotone dialogue .

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  12. I’m one of those people who are struggling to understand all this madness no matter how much I read or watch YouTube videos on the subject. You said in one of your articles or comments that some people need to be hit over the head before they “get it”, or words to that effect. I’m one of those.

    Thanks for your blog and your website and Facebook page. I’ll keep on reading until the message finally sinks in.

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  13. Well,well,well.
    This is so exquisetly true. I am, was ,the supply of a malignant narc.
    Each and every reason is correct to a tee. I know, I lived them all.
    I am of the last. 5
    I “woke” up as you might say, to my self. The horror of what I had become in my own eyes terrible.
    My slow n steady regaing of self drove him fleaing as fast as he could. Hands shaking as he grabbed his things. Each day i am alone afraid of others from being isolated for ten years. Every psychological horror was done to me that had ever been posted.
    Yes, author you are correct beyond a shadow of a doubt. I silentely stalk him. Carefully shattering every ploy he makes to be filled with what his mind requires to fuction.
    You see im an empath a true empath. I have the ability to see every little thing he is in side, every worm or snake of the mind
    I dont intend to crack his mind completely, but i so could . It would be the most ultimate in justice to me. However I believe it is wrong for an empath to use that gift toward torture.
    Im going to make sure he stays so terrified of me he never ever forgets to stay away.
    Besides a girls gotta have her fun.

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