The 4 Classes of Narcissist v Primary Source Interaction

Image result for picture of man and woman in flames



I have written before about how there are four cadres of narcissist – the Victim, the Somatic, The Cerebral and the Elite. I have also references on many occasions the three different schools – the Lesser, the Mid-Range and the Greater. Knowing what cadre and school your narcissist belongs to is extremely helpful in enabling you to understand why he or she behaves in the manner that they do and also to enable you to know what you need to do and what you should expect.

It is also worth your while knowing that there are also four classes which are applicable to the interaction between us and our primary sources. There are, effectively, four overarching methodologies which our kind applies to our primary source of fuel. The people who are our primary sources are almost always intimate partners and we operate in a certain way with regard we treat those people. I am not referring to the narcissistic cycle of seduction, devaluation, discard and hoover but instead the interaction over time between us and our primary sources.

  1. The first is the Nomad. This narcissist will form a relationship and conduct the narcissistic cycle and then as part of that cycle, identify a new appliance. Once with the new appliance, there may be the occasional hoover of the old appliance and there will be intermittent seduction of passing interests whilst with the new appliance and then another new appliance is sought out. The Nomad will triangulate the new appliance that he has and that triangulation will be with both the old appliance and other appliances, but he will only “skirmish” with those old and other appliances whilst with the new. He uses the old appliances and the other appliances naturally for fuel, he uses them to triangulate with the current, new appliance but he will not return to the old appliance to form on ongoing relationship. He may spend a few days with that person, a night together, maybe even a holiday but he will not want to commence the more formal relationship with the old appliance. He will always consider a return, after all hoover fuel is excellent fuel and he will take it but he has no desire, nor the energy, to instigate a long golden period through this hoover. He will connect, charm for a night, a few days perhaps a week or two and then he will return to the current appliance. He may come back to the old appliance much later down the line, when there is a different new appliance, but the pattern will remain the same. There will be no relationship in the formal sense with that old appliance. That has happened once and will not again, but the opportunity for a brief burst of fuel will not be relinquished. As for the other appliances, he will utilise them in the same way. He will spend a night with them, perhaps a few days but there will be no relationship at all. Unlike the old appliance, where there once was a relationship, the other appliances are just passing fancies, to distract him from the current, new appliance and to use for the purposes of triangulation.

Once he tires of the new appliance, he finds someone different and does not return to the old and the other appliances but seeks fresh territory. He will seek out a completely new appliance. He will triangulate this new and different appliance with the recently discarded one, he may even do so with the one before that, the older appliance but he will not form relationships again with the old or older appliances. He is always moving, seeking out new victims, occasionally hoovering old ones, but not to the extent of resurrecting an ongoing relationship with them.

  1. The second is the Ping Pong Player. This type of narcissist will secure his new appliance and he will triangulate her with the old appliance. He will then hoover the old appliance and return to her as part of an ongoing relationship. He will triangulate her with the recently replaced appliance who was the new appliance. He will then vacillate back and forth between these two appliances, leaving one for the other, a lengthy and ongoing tug-of-love as the narcissist bounces back and forth like a ping pong ball between the two same people. There may be interaction with other appliances on an intimate level but they will be one night stands and brief liaisons. He is only interested in the long-term in moving between two particular appliances. He has his two primary sources who he goes back and forth between for as long as he can. Should one eventually decide against continuing with this arrangement then this narcissist will organise a replacement and draw them into this ping pong set-up. The newly escaped former appliance will be hoovered initially in order to maintain the ping pong set-up, but if this fails then a new person will be drawn into the arrangement. There may be intermittent hoovers of the escaped appliance but she will no longer form part of the ping-pong arrangement as the narcissist now has two primary sources to shuttle back and forth between.
  2. The third is the Anchor. This primary source is long-suffering. The narcissist will have a long-standing intimate partner, usually a spouse and there will be children involved. The narcissist will seek out fresh appliances and conduct affairs, possibly leaving the long-standing appliance and striking out anew with the replacement. After a period of time, the narcissist will return to the long-standing appliance, often citing missing the children, or doing it for the children, or they realised just how much their spouse truly loves them and they love her. The recently acquired appliance will be cast aside for some time. The narcissist may hoover that discarded appliance at a future point but only for the purpose of one-night stands and infrequent liaisons. He has no interest in resurrecting the relationship again. Instead, he will then seek out a new appliance and leave the long-standing one again as he pursues the dream of potent fuel forever with the newly acquired individual. Once again the affair will end and the narcissist will push her to one side and return to the long-suffering appliance. Time and time again he will leave her, having affairs and leaving home, before returning at a future point. It is often an individual who is regarded as the Anchor, the one who remains in situ and never changes, who is co-dependent to a considerable degree and in unable to want anyone other than the narcissist no matter how many times he has left and come back and no matter how many affairs that he has had.
  3. The final category is the hybrid. This narcissist may operate the Anchor scenario before over time changing to the Nomad and then perhaps back to the Anchor or the Ping Pong arrangement. He will morph and shift between these different approaches, often as a consequence of the disruption to the primary source of fuel, whereby for instance the long-suffering Anchor finally moves on or is helped away from the narcissist, or perhaps both primary sources in the Ping Pong arrangement reject the narcissist and he is forced to adopt a Nomadic approach.


There are numerous reasons why these arrangements are adopted, dependent on the type of victim, the type of narcissist and other factors which I shall elaborate on in a separate article. No doubt you can recognise which methodology was applicable to your entanglement.

60 thoughts on “The 4 Classes of Narcissist v Primary Source Interaction

  1. Debbie Miller says:

    I am happy to have found this information because I am “on the shelf being fed crumbs” and he will not come back to me the old appliance which sounds so horrible, but I’m out of here!!!!

  2. Sarah says:

    Hi HG!

    1. What is the former primary source classified as when they broke up but are friends and the narcissist is still in frequent contact with her? He is also looking for a new girlfriend/Primary source.

    2. And is this the nomad or ping pong player’s method or form of triangulation? (He isn’t married).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. This person remains the Former IPPS.
      2. This situation could apply to both if the Nomad does not resurrect an ongoing intimate relationship with the Former IPPS or if that happens it would be ping pong. Once you attain the status of IPPS you are either that or Former IPPS when disengaged. You do not become an NISS even though you are treated like one.

      1. Sarah says:

        1. Ok and what is the fuel level of the former IPPS to the narcissist then when still engaged with but are told that they are broken up and just friends? Is it still high and potent?

        2. And basically, is the fuel latter for intimate partners like this? I saw some thing like this in a previous article but I can’t find which one.

        Embedded/New IPPS
        Former IPPS
        Candidate IPSS
        Shelf IPSS

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Please see the book ‘Fuel’

    2. K says:

      The highest potency of fuel comes from the F.I.P.* (hoover).

      These articles may be helpful.

      *Former Intimate Partner- Fuel

  3. Caroline says:

    Finally found this! I’ve read this seven times now. I can’t piece this together though, except to know a few solid (I think) facts for my situation:
    -I don’t think it’s Nomad, as he’s pretty much tried since my escape from the 3-year-relationship to reinstate a FR…and would a Nomad even be in a 3-year FR?
    -I don’t think it can be considered an Anchor scenario, as I never married him/had kids with him — and I also don’t think I’m co-dependent; but he does appear oddly stuck on the concept of my being his wife/having kids with me, so this category makes me pause the most, but the criteria aren’t met, so how can it be?
    -Ping Pong thing doesn’t seem to apply either, as much as I’ve strained my brain trying to find a way it could.

    Weird. So does this mean it’s probably a Hybrid scenario, HG? I don’t know though, as none of these scenarios neatly fits, so my just labeling it “Hybrid” doesn’t actually explain much…

    I’m thinking he’s just been doing the IPPS interaction wrong. “The Mutant Narcissist.” Can you please add that category? lol

  4. Sal says:

    Hello Sir.

    What do you think about this little mid range narcissist:

    – he was married for 10 years. But he didn’t live with his wife and their child permanently – he was working and living in different city for almost 7 years of the merriage and was visiting his family during weekends. He says his wife didn’t want to move to the city he worked in. He also says that his wife had sex with him only 5 times (!!) and last time they had sex (in the third year of merriage) she got pregnant and that was the only reason they had that sex. He says he didn’t cheat his wife when they were living for seven years apart (I don’t believe it – 0 sex with his wife, alone in the city full of many women, he loves sex and loves fuel).

    – in the seventh year of the marriage he comes back to wife, they live together but it doesn’t go well.

    – soon he has an affair, his dirty little secret, met at work. After 2 years of this affair he deciedes to get the divorce and start a new life with his mistress.

    – his wife got ill so the divorce delays.

    – his mistress has enough – she escapes to another city, goes no contact, gets a new boyfriend.

    – he has a fuel crisis – mistress had left, he lost his job, but finally got a divorce. But he is alone – no money, looking for new job, living with his parents.

    – a month after getting a divorce and forth months after the vinctim’s escape he has a new IPPS met online.

    – after a short golden period (about 2 months) the IPPS sees there is something wrong with him – he starts fights, he triangulates with the girl who escaped, with girls he is flirting online, he is demanding and generally fu.ed up. She ends it.

    – he hoovers her back after 3 weeks and resurrect the formal relationship.

    – the golden period lasts 2 weeks, so after a month they are fighting again, she tells him he is not treating her right and so on and he discards her.

    – he has a new job, probably looking for new IPPS, flirting online with many women, still tries to hoover previous IPPS but only for fuel. Probably he didn’t install a new IPPS so far (4 months) but seduces and targets 1 girl really hard but still playing many appliances in the shadow.

    Who is he?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Sal, where do you fit into this situation?

      1. Sal says:

        I am the IPPS who had that short golden period (mainly because when we have met and he told me about his long distance marriage and his affair I thought it was a huuuge red flag and I was asking many questions, I wanted answears because there were many holes in that story so despite I let him seduce me (oh, so charming man!) and I wanted to believe he was “normal”, I knew deep in my heart he wasn’t. So I was in relationship with him knowing it has to come to an end and searching for reasons to end it. So it couldn’t last longer. I was too suspicious. And I think he could be Anchor, and maybe now he became nomad?

      2. Sal says:

        The IPPS with short golden period! I think maybe he used to be an anchor and now became a nomad?

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Ohhh…I do love a mystery.

    3. Sniglet says:

      Ah, here is the Nomadic narcissist explanation in more detail.

      Thanks Sal for digging it up.

      1. Sal says:

        You’re welcome, Sniglet 🙂

  5. Lisa says:

    My narcissist doesn’t have sex with his formal partners after the initial stages . His last girlfriend of 5 years told the whole town he was gay due to his lack of interest in sex with her but he chased her back every time they split up so obviously this was confusing to her as he didn’t want to let her go but had no interest in a physical relationship with her . He told me it was a chore to have sex with her and he wasn’t attracted to her. However he’s done this with other girlfriends going further back which he’s admitted to and he did it with me . He says he struggles with intimacy . The truth is I don’t think he really likes women at all , it’s crossed my mind he could be secretly gay but more likely masoginist. I think he definitely has the maddonna whore thing

  6. Jaemz says:

    What about a Narcissist who is married to a woman with two young children and seeks out Gay supplies? As if a ‘standard’ Narc isn’t enough, tack on a thick convoluted and closeted layer of homosexuality into the mix… talk about a massive mindfuck.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Sexual orientation as such makes no difference other than to open up further avenues for securing IPTSs and IPSSs who are seduced through homosexual activity and thus further fuel is gained.

      1. Jaemz says:

        Of course, Monsieur Tudor. Thank you for the response. It is with hesitancy I write this, as I’m quite sure you understand but it is an honor to correspond with you. The hesitancy, as you can postulate derives from my personal experience and therefore vehemence of your kind. However, without your status as a Great and thus self-awareness we, both your kind and ours would not be privileged with such insights into narcissism and all that it engrossingly entails. I loathe you for what you are but revere you for your aid. Oh, the irony. At present, I am in no contact (a second time as it were for slightly over a month) with my Lesser/Mid-Range and through you I am getting some form of closure, albeit still painful. Slowly, one millisecond at a time I detach those tentacles that grasp my heart and soul. 666 more to go…

  7. June says:

    Wow, this post provided me a lot of clarity. 🙂 For a while I was questioning about whether my father could actually qualify as a narc or not because he stayed married to my mother for over 20 years, and you said that narcissists always discard. I didn’t count the multiple affairs and the absurdly long “business trips” as a form of discard…albeit a temporary form of it.

  8. Elizabeth says:

    @nikitalondon, an empath who no longer fuels the sociopaths and narcissists is a very real empath. When we deside to educate our selves and look at why and how we become intangled with these cluster B personify disorders, we become more powerful. When we tune in with our very strong intuition we can be come so aware that we are the types of people who help trial lawyers choose jurors, we also make great criminal profilers. What antisocial’s do to sensitives is very real and sometimes deadly. I survived and learned. I’m not a vigilante, I do how ever have to deal with these people everyday. A fire goes out if it is deprived of fuel…. If that inferno is young enough and your child maybe they will get help as a result or their tactics not working on you. If that inferno is your Ex whom you share children with they will stop trying to get fuel from you. Neutralizing is the preferred action. If that is not sucsessful then it’s survival. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone looked within and took responsibility for their part in the situations they find themselves in? I would never try to minimize how dangerous these disordered people are, I literally almost lost my life, when I came through the near death experience, I decided to live. Some people choose lower spiritual companions so they can feel superior even while they are being profoundly abused. I was willing to look at all of it. ALL OF IT. I assure you I am a real empath, an empath who will not lay down and die to be loved and love someone who is unloveable because I can’t control my need to save and fix, fix and save. I highly recommend somatic experiencing therapy and reading as many of HG Tudor’s book as one can. Also “The Sociopath next door” talks about the super ego which often times allows the conscienceless person to appear to the outside world to be “normal” what ever that is. Everyone is here to learn, I am here to learn. As long as I am alive I will be learning. The point of the game it to stay ALIVE.

    1. nikitalondon says:

      Hi Elizabeth

      Just saw this message today . Sorry for that.
      I see a human beyond the disordered person. You are right there are some that sadly are beyond healing in a way that it will allow them to have a beautiful loving relationship, but if I sense somebody has evil intentions with me, I stay aside..
      I dont judge who is what and what they need to be or not to be.

  9. Elizabeth says:

    You are welcome HG, You have not had such an individual behave in that way …yet. Yes, it is who you choose. Eventually someone is going to “choose” you. Unknowingly you may actually be training that person right now. There are those of us who had ample training in our upbringings. Even for my kind this is dangerous business, pulling pins involves shrapnel and complex PTSD. My kind learns and heals, the likely hood of a narcissist learning and healing (without the consequence of a conscience) is next to impossible.
    I liken the empath turned to the repercussions of bombing Pearl Harbor in WWll. Japan will not go to war again, although they still take a terrible toxic toll on the planet, in all honesty, to a greater or lesser degree, don’t we all?
    These are the horrors of war, a war “I” did not start…
    I’d like to see empaths tap into their inner Hiroshima or at least buy stock in Kleenex.
    Thank you HG for your well written and enlightening books, although I have yet to find them in print. I would love to purchase many of them for my personal library and for friends. Does your work exists in print or only in the digital format?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Interesting observations and thank you for your kind observations. Two are coming out in print in the next few days with more to follow through the next few weeks so keep checking in here for details.

  10. nikitalondon says:

    Only N3 triangulated with women and would not know what he is.. Probably all together..
    Depending ok what suits him.,
    Ugggghhhh the posts that remind me about him are indeed very good but ughhhh 😖😖😖 Now that I discovered how extremely manipulative he was.. Just the thought about him 😖😖😖😖ughhh

  11. centauride12 says:

    Very enlightening post, thank you HG, I have certainly encountered the Nomad and the Anchor type.

    When you describe these types the one thing they all seem to have in common is that they have one primary source that they have a formal relationship. What I’m wondering is if a N would ever substitute having a formal relationship for having several casual relationships and therefore several primary sources?

    Also I’m wondering if a N would triangulate with an addiction or obsession such as substance abuse as opposed to another woman?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That might happen if the primary source has not yet been selected and embedded but we ultimately prefer to have a primary source because of the fuel demands.
      We will triangulate with anything so an addiction such as substance abuse is entirely conceivable.

  12. peaches36936 says:

    Wow Elizabeth. As an empath I don’t see how you “turned”. I can’t even imagine being so angry that my whole mind would change. So you’re saying you now enjoy being evil? HG has a great post about this somewhere. It’s quite recent too. Something like “Is It You Or Me?” Brilliant post by HG. Scared the life out of me for a minute. Hope finding the post shows you youre not a “turn”ed empath. Peace.

    1. Elizabeth says:

      Not angry, gosh no Peaches36936. Not enjoying being evil. I treat every person and living creature with all the love in my heart, I feel the same tenderness when dealing with the others as I always have. Let me put it like this, in a typical horror movie the nice victims get slaughtered one by one. Maybe one victim wil grab a stick and hit the monster demon thing REAL hard, maybe even knock it out… doesn’t it ALWAYS get back up and continue with its insatiable thirst to destroy life? Every once in a while one of the “victims” says I’m tired of being pursued with adrenaline pouring through my veins, waiting for my horrific demise. I’m gonna end this, smart victim doesn’t cry and beg, they tap in to their most primal drive to live and it is self defence. This is not about violence or anger or evil, not for the empath turned. It’s about not laying down and letting someone kill your soul because they get off on it.
      HG is doing a great service by sharing his methods and arming those of us who have dealt with his kind with the knowledge we are not insane we were played with like toys. No one has a right to destroy people for entertainment, people die from psychological abuse, fight flight or freeze, someone’s immune system can just cave in and fail. I think I saw it on this page, “an empath with a kill switch” no contact is great, sometimes it is not possible and in those cases the narcissist gets no empathy no compassion no sympathy and since any emotional response is fuel the get ice, blank nothingness. They are not they only ones who can mirror. I’m not hunting them… They certainly have hunted me, so I have studied read everything I could, I am not going to stop loving , my trust will have to be earned and if I should get fooled again… Game on.

      1. peaches36936 says:

        You mentioned you’re pissed at people like HG. What do you expect them to do Elizabeth…change? They’re very clever and I’ve read that without HG’S kind the World would not have progressed as quickly as it has. The jury is still in. I’m sorry you were hurt by one but I’m not convinced your way of dealing is a good idea. Cut your losses. You really have no choice. They are wired to take you down. Never does it happen again.

      2. Elizabeth says:

        @peaches36936, Did I mention I was “pissed” at HG and his kind? No, that is not a term I use, nor am I angry with or enjoying being evil to the entire population of personality disordered humans. Do I think this kind of pathology can be changed? No, not by me, only in so much as what I allow and how I am treated. Unless we are talking about a child exhibiting narcissistic traits and help can be provided for them before they lose themselves and become malignant.
        I’m here to learn. A few of the things I have learned absolutely involve making it highly unlikely that I will be “hoovered” or targeted again.
        I am very thankful to have found HG’s page and books. I am also actually grateful for the last narcissist (lesser victim) I was involved with because of him the cycle was broken and I became aware of my part in all of this, since I am the only person I can change I am filled with hope. Something good can come out of almost every experience for those of us who are on a spiritual path. Once again NO CONTACT Is not always possible so the fuel supply must be shut down.
        I think if one is completely honest and self searching we can see that being entangled with a narcissist or many of them makes it is highly likely to pick up some of their nasty habits like telling other people what they think, how they feel, what they REALLY mean, putting words in other people’s mouths, rewriting history, circular conversations where one person is locked into their perspective and experience of a situation and can not see, hear or read the reality of it.

      3. Cindy says:

        I so tototally agree

  13. Alice says:

    Very good classification! The N formerly in my life definitely qualified as `Nomad´. His online personae already told it all: davidtraveler (note: David was not his real name, he took that from someone he had met, of course.) It should have warned me, and it did, but I chose to ignore my guts. Big mistake! Ironically, David is also my son´s name. Looking back, that – and the combination of `traveler´ and that beloved name `David´ probably even easier to fool me into believing he was `worth it´.

    As to the four cadres of narcissist – the Victim, the Somatic, The Cerebral and the Elite – I cannot confirm this. In my experience, the N was a mixture of elements of all of those four. Depending on the life circumstances and relationships he was dealing with, one or two of them prevailed. But they were all there, and at some point, he would act out and play the Victim, the Somatic, the Cerebral etc. I am writing `play´ because even acting out that way wasn´t real but shallow, had no true substance, but was part of the facade.

    When I met him about a month ago (after 1.5 years of not seeing or talking to him in person), I realised HOW EMPTY he was. No core essence, no soulfoulness, nothing. Just the same old stories. Looking back, I also realise that even that I felt bored and annoyed when he started the Victim record… I thought about leaving. I didn´t, but instead, I said:

    – “Remember that code word we used back then, for those `special situation´?

    – “Yeah?”

    -“It was STOP!”

    – “That´s true.”

    -“So this is what I am telling you now: STOP.”


    And he did stop. I am proud of myself, all that boundary work has paid off! :-))

    Moreover, I don´t miss him any more since that interaction. That interaction made it so clear that in relationships, words are just word to him, meaningless, nothing he has to take accountability for, never backed by any actions. And actions are nothing he ever takes accountability for ever. It became so clear – EMOTIONALLY clear – to me that there is no point in interacting with such an individual. It is a waste of time, because there is no soul on the other side, and where there is no soul, no real, sustainable connection is ever possible.

    Even his appartment, exposing all those memorabilia-objects he had gathered ano over the years, and exposed there to mirror his life experience and achievements (stuff I and experiences I had admired him for in the golden period), became a reflection of what he is inside to me: inanimate. Soulless “ITs”.

    Inanimate stuff dominated by their inanimate master. Possessing many different objects from many different countries is not to be equated with possession real life experience and depth of soul. Rather, they reflect something else: an obsessive quest for void-filling. Sam Vaknin has written an entire vlog entry on The Narcissist´s Objects and Possessions. It is available on his YouTube channel, HG´s blog article on the same topic is excellent as well!

  14. Elizabeth says:

    I think everyone is a hybrid. Excluding the most dangerous of all the empathic person who has been turned. The only way to become human again is to take out the head vampire and by that I mean total psychological inhalation. The narcissist that goes after the sweet wounded easily manipulated target fresh out of a toxic abusive relationship isn’t even a snack for me. I can return to human anytime I want… right now I just don’t want to…. I’m enjoying the karma show. Fabulous books.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Elizabeth, can you expand on what you mean by “the empathic person who has been turned”, I am keen to understand precisely what you mean by this.

      1. Rosalie says:

        So well categorised and described…sort of makes me think of insects
        …er…possibly cockroaches or the like.being pinned onto a board, classified scientifically and studied…to see what makes them tick. So accurately described… very interesting, relevant and helpful. thanks

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Rosalie, I do like your name,it is the name of a character in one of my favourite films, albeit spelt slightly differently. That aside, thank you for your kind comments and your description is entirely apt.

      2. Elizabeth says:

        Yes HG, The Emapth turned is someone who is more intuitive and brilliant at assessing weaknesses and strengths than any person with abnormal pathology of the dark variety. They may seem meek and to be offering up all the goods, when in reality they have taken and in depth history/inventory of the abuser. At some point they mirror the narcissists most malignant behaviors and they do it with ice running through there veins. No emotion nothing. Just striking all of the abusers weaknesses and deficiencies, which are many. A true Emapth can read people and one who has read their abuser like a comic book, frankly has a hard time not laughing out loud at the tactics employed, the love bombing, gas lighting, silent treatment, name calling, it’s much like dealing with a spoiled over tired tyrannical 6 year old.
        My favorite thing of all is when you look right into my eyes and say I love you, I say nothing, I am expressionless unless I decide to say “that is silly” in a monotone voice. A empath turned can tie a string to the pin in the grenade that is at the genius of your lost self, walk far away and pull the pin, and not even feel remotely tempted to look back at the carnage, yuck it’s a real mess I’m sure. I may confess to a friend or even therapist the nature of my “wrongs” but shall do so with a glint in my eye.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Elizabeth, thank you for expanding on this for me, it is appreciated. I have not had such an individual behave in this way with me. I suppose it’s who you choose.

        2. nikitalondon says:

          A turned empath is not a real empath I would say…

  15. Ellie says:

    HG, could you please give me the name of your post about the four cadres of narcissist – the Victim, the Somatic, the Cerebral and the Elite? You mention that you have written about them before?

    Thank you

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Ellie, you will find plenty of detail on them in the book Sitting Target. Also look out for the four books on their way which are dedicated to each member of the cadres.

  16. Faith says:

    Does the Anchor usually not know about the cheating? Is it often a chaotic unhealthy environment for the children?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The anchor may not know but often does but puts up with it usually in order to try to keep the family unit intact.

  17. Lisa says:

    HG I wish I could say I understand this post but I’m totally confused ? I’m trying to understand what category my N was in but it’s all so mixed up ? I would you know ? I didn’t know about the fact he was cheating , it’s only now I have to presume he was ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Perhaps then he adopted a hybrid approach Lisa, it is highly likely that he was cheating, yes.

  18. Sheila says:

    Yep… pretty sure I just had a 6 week relationship with a Nomad. He vanished without a word when he realized my fuel wasn’t sustainable for him… I didn’t care when he started giving me mini silent treatments.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Sheila, where have you been hiding?

      1. Sheila says:

        Hello HG, I’ve been lurking in the shadows and catching up on your delicious writing when the opportunity arose. Life has been super busy in my world the past few months. You almost lead me to believe you missed me! Hahaha

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you Sheila, of course I have missed you, I was just considering a hoover but you came back !

          1. Sheila says:

            Awe you say the sweetest things, how could I stay away from my favourite N?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Is the right answer!

    2. nikitalondon says:

      Ohhh sheila sorry to hear 😢. Nice tht you are back. I was wondering about you..
      Did he not show any red flags?

      1. Sheila says:

        Hi Nikita! I’m only back part time.. rarely get online anymore, unfortunately. Yes he did begin sending up my red flags, which is why I started backing away myself before he could do me any damage. The thrill was brief and short lived and I turned off the fuel tap when I recognized the pattern. Believe it or not the end of the relationship was as easy as just walking away and not looking back.

        1. nikitalondon says:

          Hi Sheila. Good to hear you. I hope you are anyway having a nice time. I thought you were in a relationship somehow. But I am glad HG school is showing results and you could walk away harmless. Hope to see you around sometime 🙂 and hope its all better with your daughter. HUGS

  19. Mine was definitely a hybrid. Long standing wife with so many ping pongs I don’t know how he keeps track of them all ! And they’re just the ones I physically see at the watering hole. I’m sure he is ping ponging in many other places. But he doesn’t let any of them go. Not ever.

    But they’re all (to put your phrase to good use HG) low hanging fruit.

  20. Leilani says:

    Thank you HG. Vital info. Interesting picture heading.

  21. The convalescent codependent says:

    Perfect timing as I picked up Sitting Target just yesterday. Finding this information helpful to where I am in the healing process.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

      1. Frances Ferrie says:

        Brilliantly written and explained. Im an an anchor who broke free.
        Was just recently hoovered again. Hes one year inro his new relationshjp. He didnt know I knew, he scurried off the email and went silent when I said to him that i hope he and his partner of a year were doing well. I can see more clearly now, my own role in this situation. He’ll be back again once he can come up with a lie that sounds believable. I played that stupid anchor role for 15 years. This is great, thankyou, really hits the truth right home 😆

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