Here’s My Card

Image result for business card bateman


It is a beautiful day. The kind of day that feels full of possibilities. The sun shines in the cornflower blue firmament, birdsong fills the air as the scent of grass, flowers and optimism hangs heavy. You stand at your window and look out across the view of your well-tended garden and then the fields beyond, stretching away to the hills in the distance. Your time is your own and you stand considering not only what you will do this gorgeous day but what is next for you and your life. What direction will you take it in? Where will your steer your good ship to? There have been some stormy waters inΒ the past but you navigated them and jettisoned that unnecessary cargo which threatened to sink you and here you are now with so many choices, so many options and opportunities available to you, unhindered by others that may seek to impose their own values and decisions on to you. You are freedom personified although you must admit there are times when you would welcome someone to share this unparalleled freedom with, but there is no rush to achieve this. It will happen when it happens, you believe in such things. As you continue to look out across the view, the telephone rings and you break off from your thoughts to answer the telephone.

“Hello,” you declare into the receiver. You hear a voice, clear, confident, warm and strangely inviting, speaking to you.

“Hello, I am Mr Saul Mate calling from Somnium Incorporated and I just wanted to let you know that I am able to deliver whatever you require twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year. Remember it is all about you. Thank you for your continued custom.”

The call ends.

You smile and replace the receiver. It rings again and you answer.

“Hello, Mr Saul Mate calling from Somnium Incorporated. Please remember I am by your side even when I am not there and I am always ready to attend to anything you require. What you need, I provide. Thank you for your continued custom.”

The call ends again and as you stand contemplating this call there is the ping of a message on your mobile phone. You replace the landline receiver and walk over to where your mobile rests on the sideboard. You pick it up and see you have a text message from a number that you do not recognise. You open the message nevertheless.

“Somnium Incorporated – taking you to a new level in the provision of delight and joy.”

The landline rings again and you mutter as you answer.

“Yes?” “Hello, Mr Saul Mate calling from Somnium Incorporated. We have undertaken an extensive profiling exercising which puts us in the optimum position to understand all your needs and most importantly satisfy them. Every. Single. Time. Thank you for your continued custom.”

“Look, I haven’t ordered anything from you,” you protest but the line goes dead.

Another message arrives on your ‘phone.

“Somnium Incorporated – just say it and you will have it. Heaven awaits when you let us take care of you.”

There is a noise from your laptop and you replace the receiver and walk to the computer to find an e-mail from

“Dear Customer, we just wanted to let you know how much we adore looking after your every need. You are very special to us in fact you are the only one we want to serve.”

“What is going on?” you ask yourself aloud. Your ‘phone pings again and the sound of an e-mail arriving rings out. You are about to look at these messages when your doorbell rings.

“What now?” you mutter.

You open your front door to find a courier stood there holding a huge bouquet of flowers.

“Good morning miss, delivery for Miss Victoria Tim,” he smiles. He hands you the bouquet and walks away. There is a card attached and you read it.

“For you dear customer who we will always serve and provide for no matter what – Somnium Inc.”

You carry the flowers inside which are admittedly beautiful as you hear something being shoved through your letterbox. You place the flowers down and return to the door to see several flyers in different styles and colours have been pushed through your letterbox. All of them are from Somnium Inc. and contain a variety of promises, declarations and plaudits concerning you and them. The doorbell rings and you pull the door open in irritation, still clutching the flyers. You can hear your landline ringing again and the repeated pinging of your mobile phone and chime of your laptop. A different courier stands at the door this time with a parcel which he hands to you.

“Victoria Tim?” he asks and you nod.

“Just sign here please,” he says with a smile and pushes the signing device towards you. You oblige and he wishes you a lovely day as you retreat inside with the parcel which bears a tag.

“From Somnium Inc. to our best and most wonderful customer, we want to serve you forever.”

You shake your head and put the parcel down to answer the landline.

“Hello, Mr Saul Mate here just calling to remind you how special you are to us and how we will only ever have your best interests at heart.” The doorbell rings again.

“Stop calling this number!” you shout and slam the phone down. You snatch up your mobile and see 25 messages have arrived all from the same number. You glance at a couple of the messages.

“We just wanted to let you know that we have never had a customer like you before. You are unique in every way and we just want to give you everything you deserve – Somnium Inc.

“We have never felt this way about one of our customers before it is like we have been sent from corporate heaven to make you happy forever – Somnium Inc.”

The landline rings again but you ignore it. You can hear more chiming from your laptop and you see that your inbox is filling with e-mails from the same source; You let out a cry as the doorbell rings once again and flinging the door open, phone ringing in the background you are confronted by a line of couriers who snake down your pathway and onto the road beyond. They are all carrying items such as flowers, parcels, baskets, balloons and such like.

“Delivery for Miss Victoria Tim,” they all announce in unison and provide you with a winning smile and a wink of the eye.

“Go away!” you shout, ” I do not want them. I don’t have anything to do with Somnium Inc.!”

You slam the door and march back into the living room as the landline keeps on ringing, your mobile pings incessantly and the chiming coming from your laptop will not stop. More flyers land on the doormat as you fling your mobile to one side, placing your hands over your ears trying to drown out this cacophony but to no avail. You hear a loud knocking at your front door as the chiming, ringing and pinging continues. You curse and wait. You consider going to the internet to find the details about this company Somnium Inc. and Mr Saul Mate in readiness of making a complaint. This is harassment. No company should be acting in this fashion and anyhow, where did they get your details from? How did they know your telephone numbers, e-mail address and residential address? You never gave them out. The knocking at the door continues and you stomp to the front door.

“I said I – ” you begin as you wrench the door open expecting to find the line of waiting couriers but there is nobody there. Your eyes look down to the doormat on your porch floor and there is crisp white calling card with black embossed letters. You stoop and snatch it up, the din of ringing and alerts seeming to fade as your attention is drawn by this card. You read it.

“Sorry we missed you, we will call again.”

The name Saul Mate is in one corner and Somnium Inc. is another corner. You look across the lawn but there is nobody there. You go to the front gate and look left and right along the avenue but it is empty.

If any company or organisation treated, you in this manner you would complain. This behaviour is our calling card and you not only embrace it but you want it. And you call us the twisted ones?


34 thoughts on “Here’s My Card

  1. Yo says:

    Love this article.

    Btw, dear defective person. A question for u: once u meet a girl, do u messahe her 1st or u wait she message you?
    U know, in all this books they say: ” men r hunters.. bla bla.. NEVER invite him first, wait he does it bla bla”

    How does it work with the defective ones?
    And what s ur opinion, what is the right behaviour for a girl when we interact with normal ones?
    E.g. a girl went for a breakfast with a new guy.
    She likes him
    What s the next?


    1. HG Tudor says:

      If it is somebody I have targeted I will usually message them afterwards. It is expected of the man to do so and I will aim to do so as part of the seduction, thus it makes it hard for you to discern (if you had any idea as to what I am) whether it is genuine or part of the love bombing.
      If she likes him she should tell him.

      1. Yo says:

        Why? If she likes him she should tell him?
        In the books e.g. “the rules” by ellen fein, they teach: ” ne-ve-r message him first”

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes well the less said about The Rules the better. Look, you are an adult who likes someone else, tell them. It is as simple as that. I will be delighted for you to do so, it will save me some work.

  2. Poetic_Me says:

    HG have you ever had your nose broken, perhaps relating to football?
    Btw what is a key feature of your calling card, I do not mean the paper variety?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No I haven’t had my nose broken. I have broken two at football, sometimes my elbows would just trail when I was going up for a header. It was an accident ref.
      I am not telling you that PM, I cannot have you looking out for it and guarding against it!

      1. Poetic_Me says:

        Yes, people always sticking their noses into places they shouldn’t, then getting them all out of joint 😏 football can be rough, indeed.
        Cheers to football season.
        I doubt I would guard against it, but good point. Can’t blame a girl for trying, oh wait, Narcissist…yes you can..oops.

  3. Alex Zangriles says:

    Funny that you used Patrick Bateman, that is exactly how I picture you looking.

  4. I better get ready…..I want a signed copy….😍

  5. Cody says:

    HG! You’re going to hit 1 MIL by the end of the weekend! Maybe even by the end of the day! Go you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thanks Cody I would hazard a guess that it will happen by 9pm GMT today.

      1. Cody says:

        Who needs the Million Man March when you’ve got a Million Man Narc!

        1. HG Tudor says:


    2. nikitalondon says:

      The best !!!!! β€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈπŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

  6. Indy says:

    Love the Patrick Bateman reference. And this reads like a Twilight Zone episode, awesome! I have to agree with some of the other women here that this level of love bombing is a turn off, even before I read your work and learned about narcissism and it’s full spectrum. This gave me a laugh because it reminded me of a date I had a couple years ago before I met my ex narcicist. This date was an exceptionally good looking guy, photographer, actor, and very well spoken and intelligent. His humor was so warped and the conversations were so crazy that I referred to him as Patrick Bateman. All the red flags were there early and I saw them with him as he was classic narcicist with likely more. I picked up on his game early, date one though chose to go on dates two and three because he was so much damn fun and admittedly hot.I also feared him. Gut feeling. We both joked how he was a serial killer. Ne eg went anywhere alone with him….Shaking my head and laughing at my insanity. One of the things that got me in trouble while dating was I always loved spice ( food, friends and men) and would tell my friendsI didn’t want to date a “golden retriever” but a jaguar. Perhaps I need to get used to golden retrievers….dating myself continues 😊

  7. Cara Ivens says:

    They do back off after you tell them its too much.. but by they time they turn it on full throttle again you’re addicted to the product ;(

  8. Poetic_Me says:

    HG, months ago you promised he would call me, yet nothing. The un sorrow of it all. My unbroken heart. Alas, it is true, there is no soul mate. No more waiting by the phone, a message upon my screen or a knock at my door. The spell has been broken by no kiss. I have seen plenty of charlatans about, but they do not entice me any longer.
    No need to leave a card, I shan’t be calling, either.

    This was always a most clever post.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Who Saul Mate or CN?

      1. Poetic_Me says:

        Lol, not CN. Saul/soul mate.

    2. Indy says:

      Nice! You could redo the song, “unbreak my heart”, by Toni Braxton…love the unsorrow! I can see you saying, “I shan’t be calling, either”, with a finger swing

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Whenever I heard that song I always sang “unbreak my nose”.

      2. Indy says:

        HG, **shaking my head, chuckles*** could be a theme song for plastic surgeons.” Unbreak my nose, say it will be straight again…undue that bump he caused….”

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indy, you have unearthed a talent there!

      3. Poetic_Me says:

        I always did like that song, Indy. The finger swing made me laugh too.

  9. nikitalondon says:

    No way. Such a soulmate I dont want. I would teach him to hold my hand and be connected in our souls in some sort of silent from time to time..

  10. Seeking Wisdom says:

    Ok that would be annoying. Not sure mine would expend that much energy. Maybe at first, but he’s moved on to his next victim. I do feel sometimes that I’m being stalked by him (drive-by, etc.), but think it could just be paranoia. Ha! Right where he wants me, uh HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You’ve got that right SW.

  11. camillec90 says:

    Hello, I’ve just began reading your blog, with interest. I have a question, and I apologize if it has been posted in one of the many comment sections below. I haven’t read the comments, just your posts. Either way, I would greatly appreciate the favor of your response.

    Have you, a self-confessed narcissist, been in a relationship with another narcissist? If so, could you talk a bit about that? I previously knew only of two sub-types of narcissists, the somatic and the cerebral. Until reading your blog, I wasn’t aware of the following terms and types: victim, parasitic, and elite. I think, but am not sure, that covert and overt, can exist in tandem with the aforementioned five. In your blog, you also seem to introduce degrees of narcissistic evolution: lesser, mid-range, and greater. Am I leaving anything out? πŸ™‚ I’m actually going somewhere with this. It’s wordy, but I just want to be clear and accurate.

    Do you think a relationship composed of two narcissists could enjoy more success (I use the word tentatively and bookend with quotes, bc success seems too optimistic) than the coupling you most often describe between the empath and narcissist or the borderline and narcissist?

    I introduced the sub-types in the event you might have opinions about which combinations might be most compatible, rather tenable, in a relationship. Do you feel there are certain sub-types which may mesh together well (relative to others)?

    I’ll add something personal. I am not much of an empath and definitely not borderline. I’ve not been diagnosed with any Axis II disorders, so, of course, nothing Cluster B in my chart. I think all I’ve “got” is ADD (no H), oh, and insomnia. However, during my marriage to an elite narcissist, a marital counselor ordered a battery of tests. His results placed him quite high on the NPD spectrum. He’s an elite sub-type due to his wealth and position. Mine indicated that I, too, placed “well” on the NPD spectrum, though not as strongly as he had. I had a bit of histrionic in there, for some reason. I have to add, that I am not governed much by my emotions. AGAIN, just tendencies, not diagnoses! πŸ™‚

    Here’s the very funny/ironic part (due to my inquiry) — we recently were divorced. I am actually laughing as I type. BUT, we really didn’t get along all that badly, until he became paranoid that I was going to leave him (because I said, “I think we should separate”, however I actually just did mean it, I just wanted him to stop micromanaging my days). True to form, he embarked on a smear campaign from Hell. I screwed up.

    Now, I’m involved with another narcissist. He is the worst I’ve seen. Pathological lying, mirroring, sexual mind games — he follows the behavior to textbook extremes — love bombs, devalues, discards. Hoovers back within days. Anyway, why would I do this? Several reasons: at first, I believed his outrageous lies of financial success. He was quite convincing and seemingly quite rich. Also, he was excellent at mirroring. We had excellent conversations. He was expert at generating interest in sexual matters.

    I figured out that his wealth was not real. He turned extremely vindictive, which worked against him, because I convinced law enforcement that I was the victim and he was stalking me. It was true. Anyway, he tried to hoover back many times, but I stayed away.

    Finally, I gave in many months later. He’d told me that his cancer had advanced (doubt he has cancer, he told me about it during an earlier hoover) and that his lawyers were to get in contact with me about his trust and detailed all the shiny, sparkly things, homes, allowances I’d receive. So I re-engaged with him. I told him the attorneys must contact me directly (I wanted to get ABA#s, do diligence, see if this was legit straight away). Well, he created e-mails and the letters “from his attorneys” which were fraught with errors (he is dyslexic, then revealed himself either stupid or careless enough to claim his attorney also suffered from the condition!). So, dejectedly, (I really had somewhat fell for the idea because it made sense to me that he may have stored a bunch of cash and things overseas or just hidden (after all he is NPD and had a VERY nasty divorce and would definitely hide all his assets if he could) . But, because of the e-mails, and his defensiveness when I declared I would just speak to the attorneys on the phone, I just decided to expose him, and call him on all of his lies. What did he do? HE FAKED HIS DEATH. He had celebrities write me to tell me how close they were to D. They provided me with funeral logistics, told me all these possessions he’d recently taken out of the trust (bc I exposed him) were mine again (it was a death bed decision, lol) and I could get them at the funeral. I just ignored everything. It was insane. When I e-mailed him two weeks, “post-death”, to see if he was OK, and wondered to him if he thought it a bad idea to seek some help — (I wanted to see what crazy stuff he’d say to explain his way out of this one, but I admit I ALSO was a bit worried for him) — he had a “confidante” (it was him assuming a false identity from a random e-mail address) tell me that D was alive and that he was so ashamed and embarrassed that he faked his death, but he didn’t know what to do bc he was so crushed by his money lies (rather getting caught) that he felt too embarrassed and ashamed to face me. He didn’t know what to do. Then the guy said that D’s tales of finances were the only part of our relationship which was fake. He was in love with me, but that he knew I would not be interested in him if he didn’t have any money. I’m in a lesser financial state than when I was married. Anyway, his assertions weren’t totally true about me, because I said I’d be his friend. And I meant it! Ah, but as the world turns…

    It took him about two weeks of “friendship” and apologizing to develop the courage to approach me about love and a relationship again. To do this, he created another ueber-wealthy “true identity” — he was involved in the “black world” and had amassed a store of “powder” (tons), stolen artwork, and stones that were in a vault or several and that he could not have laundered it while he was alive without raising suspicion. But, now that death was (again) imminent, he wanted to finally enjoy it!!! And so he said could only enjoy it with the only person he’s loved!!! Me, I guess. He said we would take a spectacular trip together, get married before that (I actually told him I did not need nor want to be married, but he insisted that we should before we leave, so it would be a honeymoon). He would also (well, this part was to have already happened by this week!) set up a life-long trust for me and give me a quick $300K when he arrived last week (lol). Then he’d buy me a home titled only in my name, for posthumous living (we’d found the house together). But for now, we’d live in the grand manse he has in the city which is close to my current life (he never gave an address, it was to be a surprise! oh he just told me about it a month ago) , we’d go shopping, live like a queen and king, and spend, spend spend so he could enjoy the last moments of his life as he’s always dreamed he’s wanted to do!! Then he said he wanted to leave me enough money for the purpose that I not marry again, not date again, and so I would compare every man negatively to him, in every regard. As you can reasonably deduce, of course, the dream never commenced. He made up new excuses every day why things needed to be pushed back (he was dealing with a cartel!), I just listened and knew. Finally, I told him it was over and he was blocked. He sent me “self-destructing messages” telling me he was being held hostage on and on.

    Actually I think he must be relieved. I just think it’s so odd that he’s continued to place this pressure on himself with all of these lies. He knows I would not be speaking to him romantically if he wasn’t waving the promise of money in my face, but what’s the big deal? He used the week – two weeks where he built up this story to sit with me on the phone until 5AM nightly, it was exhausting, but fun — just talking about this future and our life together and our love for one another and how he wanted to possess me and all this stuff. I did not ask for it, he drove it all. I enjoyed it, it was fun. But, he was the initiator every day, the texts the calls, the websites of places we would go, the pictures of clothing he would love to see me in… he even asked me to take a pic of myself in a tank top and jeans so he could make me into a 3D image, presumably so he could try clothes on me to buy! I told him “I’ll just give you my size!”. I’m still not sure why he wanted that picture. Then the requests for semi-nude pictures… which he knew I’d never send if he wasn’t waving this money carrot in front of my face. I even told him, “You’re asking for pictures, because this scenario is not going to happen. You want them so you can masturbate to my picture, because this relationship will soon end. You are going to ghost when you cannot follow-through with your promises”. He would say, “Oh I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, but I hate porn, and pictures of you are the only thing that satisfy me. And I can’t see you until next week. Won’t you do this for someone who is helping you so much and doing all these fun things for you?”. OK, so we are not talking. But, here’s how this all relates to my initial question…

    If If this future-faking stuff were removed, I actually think we could have a good relationship. Well, I should say if we had money, we’d have a good relationship. Because we both love the lifestyle, who doesn’t? I loved it during my marriage. We talk openly about most everything, neither of us get emotional or really upset with the other, we have very interesting conversations, we’re very compatible intellectually, we both love sex, we keep sticking together for no good reason. We pretty much like all of the same things. We are, in essence, addicted to one another. So could two narcissists (I am not a very pure one) be a good match?

    I guess what you might say is it is all a mirror on his part and nothing is real. I guess I am a little sad at the prospect of this all being over. And no I can’t take him back. I have to go back to the real world. And that upsets me. Sam Vaknin says that narcissists are very frequently victims of other narcissists, bc they engage in magical thinking. They believe they are entitled to all the love-bombing. They are naive and gullible, as they think they are super special and deserving of extraordinary treatment. I don’t know — food for thought.

    Anyway, that was a very long story to set up a question. However, I thought the story itself is extremely entertaining! for you and maybe your Plus, maybe something like this has happened to your readers and they can feel some comfort — misery loves company, no? I’m very interested to read your insights on this very imaginative narcissist!

    To HG, thanks for reading (whatever you could) . I appreciate it. I do enjoy your site very much. And to the readers, I wish you comfort. I, too, am a bit wounded by the loss of this person. I wish everyone well.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Camille,

      Quite the story there and a classic example of the lies that are told to perpetuate the magical thinking and the flow of fuel.

      1. Have I ever been involved with a narcissist? I have had involvement with many. My mother is one, my maternal uncles are both narcissists. My sister was married to one. I have had interactions with them as secondary sources of fuel and also as tertiary but I have not been involved with one as my primary source of fuel. I am able to identify my kind quickly and I do not regard coupling with a narcissist as my primary source to fulfil my needs.
      2. Could there be a relationship between two narcissists? Potentially yes. It very much depends on the relative schools and how they interact with one another. This is a significant topic in itself and I will be writing about this through blog articles so do look our for those. The different combinations of school (Lesser, Mid-Range and Greater) and how they would interact with one another has the bearing on whether they would have a relationship as primary sources or not and if so, to what effect.
      3. From your interesting story it appears that you have narcissistic tendencies (as does everybody) but you are not a narcissist. The one thing that struck me above all others as I read your story was that you are clearly motivated by material gain. You could be forgiven for thinking that he had money to begin with, as a consequence of the lies and the love bombing, but eventually you realised this was not the case but then you continued in the hope that it just might be true and that was the reason that you stuck around. It doesn’t strike me that you remained with him because he was fuelling you (which of course is what you would have needed from a narcissistic point of view) but rather you remained because you were hoping to receive a material benefit of some description, even when it became increasingly obvious that this was not going to happen. The most telling element of this is this comment

      “If this future-faking stuff were removed, I actually think we could have a good relationship. Well, I should say if we had money, we’d have a good relationship. Because we both love the lifestyle, who doesn’t? I loved it during my marriage”

      He knew that you wanted the lifestyle and therefore in order to keep you interested, gain fuel from you, he mirrored this desire of yours because this was the sole thing that you were interested in.
      Thanks for sharing your experience.

  12. 1jaded1 says:

    Hell to the NO! Phone ringers can be silenced…messages can be deleted. Read this before. Patrick Bateman….hmmm and lol. The writing is always outstanding, HG.

  13. slow clap. You finally made me laugh.

  14. Fool me 1 time says:

    Until recently I didn’t even realize that the strange phone calls could be him!!! Smh.

  15. Why the American Psycho reference… it relates, but doesn’t… suffocating someone with attention is a bit much and a turn off, a little attention is sweet…so are we really twisted or just tolerate your need to be overbearing?

  16. Steeviann says:

    A horror movie. This is how it reads.

    I guess I escaped with only a bruised ego. I was replaced by someone who was mousy looking (his words). At first I was hurt and jealous,the ego can be a real bitch, but now I feel this poor mouse of a woman is not as strong as I am. She will fall to the craziness of the calling card. Oh well, not a damn thing I can do. This is not my circus and he is not my monkey anymore. I shall move on to BIGGER and BETTER and STRONGER challenges.

    HG You must know how terrible you are. This is unfortunate.

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