A Perfect Ten
The Perfect Ten Sentences of Seduction
What is really meant when we say these words.
1. I love you and I always have
My need to seduce you is considerable and therefore I will use language which will appeal to you and be so outlandish that it will blow you away. I do not actually love you. I do not love in the way that you do. I understand that the closest I come to it is infatuation. I am not in fact infatuated with you but more precisely with what you can do for me. My needs are paramount. Yours are largely irrelevant. I write irrelevant because I do take them into account during the seduction but after that they are thrown to one side. I love the fact you fuel me, allow me to steal traits of your for my own use and you give me shelter, meals and money.
2. We are soulmates
I know you are a big believer in emotional concepts such as love, spirituality and the soul. I need to tap into that and I need to do so quickly. I want to suggest that our love goes beyond this earthly plane on which we stand and it is something all the more ethereal and noble. That ought to impress you and cause you to become bound to me. I am not your soul mate, I am here to steal your soul because I do not have one.
3. I have not loved anyone like this before
There will be half a dozen willing witnesses who will testify to the contrary. In my world however I have deleted them from my mind (except when I fancy hoovering them and triangulating them with you for some extra fuel) and there was nothing like what I feel for you now. They are defunct and redundant, an unfortunate reminder of an abuser who trapped me. They do not matter now, you are all that matters to me now, your fuel, to be accurate, is all that matters to me now.
4. I want us to be together forever
There is no want about it. We are already locked together forever. You may not think this and indeed somewhere along the line you will want to escape me, although quite why that is when you are the problem, is beyond me. Anyway, that is for later. Right now you have agreed (although you will never recall having said such words to that effect) to remain my property for the rest of your life. This means that everything you own, have and are now belongs to me and I will deal with it in whatever fashion I see fit. I will use and abuse you over and over again as this is my right. Just when you think I have disappeared I will be back more. This is a life-long covenant.
5. We have so much in common
What a wonderful occurrence, such serendipity that everything you like I like as well. Even better, all the things that you do not like, I do not like either. It as if we are two halves of one perfect person. That is exactly what I see because all I will do is mirror you. I have spent time watching you, observing you, finding out about you from friends and scouring your internet footprint in order to learn as much as I can about you so that I can present myself as mirror image. I actually cannot stand listening to Coldplay but that isn’t going to stand in the way of my replication so I seduce you with incredible speed and ease.
6. I hate it when we are apart
A rare nugget of truth here. I do hate it when we are apart but for the reasons I have made you think. You think it is because I miss the wonderful, kind, humorous and delightful you. I actually miss all that positive fuel you supply me with when we are together as you are taken in by this illusion that I have created. Moreover I hate the fact that when I am not with you I cannot control your environment and I am concerned that with space to think and breathe you may just see through what I am doing or even worse, you may listen to one of your so-called friends who will be whispering in your ear and briefing against me. I don’t want your head turned elsewhere. I want it looking at me. Always.
7. Nobody can love you the way I do.
Amazingly another piece of truth. Nobody else can love you in this way because none of it is real. This is all made-up in order to attract you and bind you to me because if you saw what I was really like (not that I would ever allow that to happen) you would run screaming and never return. Accordingly, I will love you in a way that you are unlikely to have experienced before by deluging you with desire and then nearly destroying you through malice and vitriolic hatred. Told you I was special.
8. I can’t believe we have only just met. I feel like I’ve known you forever. Let’s live together.
It feels familiar to me because you are giving me positive fuel just like your predecessor and the one before her and the one before her as well. I do not distinguish between you, not really, because you are all appliances to me which I want to ensnare and then drain as you pump out delicious fuel for me to consume. I say this though to make you feel special and because I am obviously so wonderful and brilliant you will be thrilled that someone like me wants to live with you. This will make you grab this marvellous opportunity before you lose it and then I have ensnared you.
9. I need you. I want you. I love you.
Sounds dramatic and romantic doesn’t it? Makes you feel as if everything is focussed on you and I could not live without you. Notice how many times I used the word “I”? That’s because this is all about me and nothing to do with you save for what you can do for me. I really mean that I need your fuel, I want your fuel and I love your fuel.
10. You have saved me.
Yet more drama straight from the romantic handbook. I know your type. That is why I chose you. You like to fix, heal and save. You will have plenty to do in that regard, believe me, but that will come later. For now what I really mean is that you have saved me having to look anywhere else for fuel. Time to feed.
33 thoughts on “A Perfect Ten”
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Judging surmounts to criticism , so there would also be carnage, as a result. An athletic weeding out process, survival of the fittest 😏 let the games begin, Jaded1
Narcissism as an Olympic Sport…I don’t think it will make it.
I’d win everything.
There would he no empaths. It would be N on N. The rules would keep changing and there would be judging. I need to stop now. Ugh.
Sad profoundly sad to realize love has been a lie 😢😢
Yes, so true <3 And, then when you do the "unthinkable" such as share any feelings of hurt with the Narcissist, it becomes very clear via their actions that they do not even "like" their partner, let alone "love them".
MLAC & Alex,
Establishing a pattern as act of mastery over trauma is a common thing. Repetition of behavior to correct the mistake. Thankfully HG has given you tools to use to break this cycle. You will find a new relationship if you want. Just make sure that if you see yourselves replicating the relationship with your ex narc, that you are hyper aware. This way you know where you stand and can accept it or walk away. You both are worthy of a great relationship. Seek out the opposing traits of the ex narcissist. You fine ladies, trust yourselves. Or better yet let’s all go to England and storm HGs compound and abuse him. Or sit around his pool, have drinks and basque in his glory. Or have a group therapy retreat. There’s an idea HG. A learn how to deal with the N retreat…couple thousand each. Different city, different women, hey? Now I’m talking right? You’re welcome.
Your Booking Agent, ABB
Thanks ABB!
All of the above please and thankyou!
I will be in England next summer…see you then HG💋
I will be in the Uk soon again…
OK that settles it. AZ will be there, PM will be there…..new reality TV show, house of Narc. Should he do the rose thing or just throw us out on our ass?
Lol ABB, I am not vying for HGs romantic attention….just his intellect and repartee. House of Narc made me laugh though. How about N, marks the spot. Join HG and a series of readers as they try to find HG by clues he has left in cryptic messages around , let’s say Leeds, to narrow it down. First stop, a local pub, where one reader finds a message carved Into the seat of her chair..BE AWARE….see HG could be enjoying a beverage in that very Pub, unbeknownst to his readers. Enjoying the frantically scurrying about to be the first to locate him and win the undisclosed prize.
The thing is the last Narcissist I personally jumped in a new relationship with was a gal I knew as a little girl all of 7 years old. This was 20 ish years later and she had a daughter of her own. That little daughter ruined every thing we did for everyone in the room everywhere we went. I tried to save that whole family helping them with boundaries until I realized I was outnumbered and let them each have what they asked for at the expense of our involvement for one extra second! This gal once thanked me for my “awesome Heather juice!” I have literally found myself repeating the SAME rescuing behaviors over and over but I was practicing reasonable boundaries as I was learning them. Especially when it came to my own kid. Also they helped me through my divorce with Narc 2. .These guys were also the “family” that adopted me. The second they placed a condition on that fact “or else”, I took the “or else!” I once heard that in order to teach a kid boundaries, you must BE THE BOUNDARY!! So rock on! Their WALLS do that for me! If they want to act like babies because I said no thank you, or no more of this or that for me please, then they will learn what happens by my just accepting all of their threats as a done deed just for playing with my life my heart and my head! . It’s been interesting to leave entire units of Narcs that gang jerked me! Boy oh boy good luck with THAT! I took away their toys, their showers of gifts and fun parties! Their maid/servant! Their vacation spot! Their love and hugs and kisses and happy smiles! Their free food and lodging and free wardrobes and all the benefits of coming to my house! No more free rides! No more sweethearts to torque on and wipe the smiles off! No more stealing the atmosphere! If they don’t play well with others then they can play amongst themselves and take care of it ALL themselves! I am tired! 😄 I’ve had to realize that none of any of those Narcs whether friend or family husbands lovers neighbors Dr.’s, Pastors and many church people never really loved or cared about me at all. Just used me like a dispenser.. It’s so funny to live my whole life as an invisible person just to find out at the end here that none of it is about me at all anyhow! I’m so glad! I hated their Walls! I love them now! All this just makes me a voice of experience of Narc abuse. I don’t mind now as long as I don’t get fooled again! Boundaries rock the free world! I am going to say No to everyone I meet the first day! Throw out a public disagreement on a minor issue maybe.. ?? Having the orphan heart syndrome made me vulnerable and suseptable. I know who I am now. My job is to be a good steward over my own life! To grow a beautiful garden! That’s cool with me! 🌻
No. 10. It throws me because my long-standing husband I had for 16 years who dealt with so many issues in our 20’s generating from his childhood, always told me I was his angel who saved him. I see him now through different lenses especially with his new wife and their two babies. She absorbs the majority of all tasks, domestic, household, childcare. However, he doesn’t have a malicious side. I think because we met when we were so young and still actually living with our parents, I did have a good influence on him from at least preventing him developing into a much higher spectrum Narc. So at least it’s not a complete untruth. I shudder to think my only version of “normal” would be knowing how to interact with one intimately, since I’ve apparently done it my whole life.
Mlaclarese,
Your story sounds alot like mine. I thought I was his savior and for awhile he made me feel like that. We were also very young when we married bc I got pregnant (funny he never used the “trapped” line, at least not with me..maybe other fuel😱). I feel like he was low level but now I’m not so sure. Really questioning if their narc tendecies can get stronger and they can move further on the spectrum. Now I don’t trust him at all but that could be bc I see him for what he truly is. I am also terrified that bc this type of relationship is all I know that I either wont find the right one or will continue to seek a destructive one.
Hello Alex,
I ditto your end sentiments. Shortly after we were married, my husband suffered an extreme betrayal by his mother tying in to some very traumatic childhood experiences. The fallout from that transpired over a few years. I look back now and see the negative affect it had on me being his support person but being silenced by his family to not have an opinion or voice as they brushed it all under the rug. Me, now, would have a different reaction /outcome. Then we went thru 5 years of infertility. That’s a whole different beast of stress added into the mix. I saw a marked change in his personality after we had our daughter and she turned 2. He most definitely struggled sharing me with her. It obviously always had the potential to be there (narcissism) but I think I may have tempered it somewhat.
We talk daily because of our daughter and she was very young when we split so we knew we had to co-parent for a long time. We occasionally disagree but we don’t have a hateful relationship at all.
He told me at the time of our divorce I was more of a mother to him than his mother had been and thanked me for raising him. He knew I was devoted to him, until he forced it to where I had to just be devoted to my daughter and myself.
ML,
So many skeletons in his family closet and they all sweep,bury,deny, and blame anyone but themselves. He said to me once that he never wanted to become like either of his parents and sadly his latest actions have put him in that same position (my 19 year old disowned him for now and my 15 year old will not speak to him) It breaks my ❤, since I have one and his response is silence with my daughter, and gaslighting with my son to the point where he almost blocked him. Once upon a time I would have said that we had a tolerable relationship but now I know he is toxic and uses me for any fuel he can get with no regard to anyone but himself. I also see what he is doing with fuel#2. Two years in (and only 2 months married) he has already devalued her, and discarded her (left her twice for me). But for now I believe she is back in the Golden stage. Which is probably why she ignored my honesty and warning about him. That and the fact that he has most likey convinced her I am the crazy N. Probably already used all 10 of the phrases from this blog on her too! Oh well, can’t save them all….its her Ngame now👊
Heard them all!! Don’t care to ever hear any of them again! Will never trust what anyone tells me ever again!!!
Hi Fool me 1 time! I hope that’s not true for you. I hope it’s not true for me either! I hope we learn enough to spot the Narcs in the first 5 mins and have fun shooting them down with indifference! Loving people LOVE loving people and we know they are out there! Narcissists suck! We will never trust one of those again! (I hope). .. ❤️
You DO have a soul, HG. Please, don’t ever think that you don’t have one. Look within yourself to find it. You don’t have to steal our souls to have one.
… Unless you’re a Vampire. 😉
I had a guy following me around at Lake Michigan trying to trap me with his material possessions. He had nothing at all going on on the inside. . He wanted to buy me clothes and parade me around at a yacht club. Jet skis, boats, houses and acreage of land! He told me in the first 5 mins he would never hurt a woman. I told him I was there to be with my family.. Every guy who approaches me points at his stuff and at me like I would be a nice addition to his fine collection! It’s gross and really sad and pathetic. This world needs real men! Not just a bunch of boys and their toys.. And their lies and their tricks!
Absolutely Heather because you are regarded as an object.
Not to me! 😀 I’m glad to know this stuff now.. I am enjoying the practice! My last Narc was so mean to me! Had me isolated and down. Out there the vibe is telling me something else entirely! I am in no hurry to go on a date! Or ever be a piece of arm candy to another Narc or any other kind of piece! 😀 I am making friends and have my kids.. I’d rather have peace than be a piece! Thank you!
Thou art the King of the Double-Entendre, dear HG, which is why your machinations are so brilliant and work so wonderfully in your favour.
The victim hears one thing – typically what he or she WANTS to hear, but the meaning behind the words is completely different.
A most excellent piece of writing, as always.
Absolutely right B&T.
Do I get a cookie?
Yes I will ask Alexis to cut one for you.
Ah, but I want one that is different than all the rest. I don`t want the same cookie everyone else gets.
That`s why I like you so much HG – when everyone else is so cookie-cutter, you are so very unique, intriguing and interesting.
Just for you I will reach into my Golden Bag of Special Cookies.
Ohhh goodie!!!! If you can imagine, I am squealing and clapping my hands in delight!
Well thank God you hated Coldplay last April the same as you do now. I would have looked at that as a swipe at me since I work with them from time to time. Dr. M warned me…why don’t I listen? Warped sense of loyalty. Pot calling kettle black there or uh wait, my last name is Black. How bout calling the Belle Black?
Do all narcs consciously think this or are some unaware (not of their actions but the reasons why the continue these actions)?
“You want me until you have me and when you have me you don’t want me.” – one of the last things I said to Dark Narc…I’m sure it fueled him up!
Lessers are unaware of the reasons as are Mid-Range in the main.
Alex… This resonated pretty much with a thought I had inside since a long time.. I never told anybody though..