There comes a time when this must happen to everybody who has been ensnared by us. There is no hope for anything different. In the way that the world keeps on turning and the planets waltz around the sun, we will always cast you to one side. Of the many cruelties which we exact against you, this ranks as one of the worst. You might think that it is a blessing that the daily machinations and manipulations have ended but you will not see it that way when you are discarded. Indeed, you may not ever realise it.

You are given no warning that you are about to be discarded, although if you know to look for them, there are actually signs that point to what is about to happen. Invariably you are unable to see them because you cannot see or think clearly for the maelstrom that continues to rage around you. There are times when the discard takes place that it is almost as if we have vanished into thin air. Yesterday we met you for lunch as normal and today you have no idea where we are. You have telephoned but our number is no longer in service. You call our work but you are told that we are unavailable as our assigned gatekeeper keeps you at bay. You wait around trying to catch a glimpse of us in order to speak with us and find out what is going on. You see hide nor hair of us and rather than be angry you are worried and concerned both for us and our relationship, or at least what was once our relationship. This form of the discard is swift and brutal. Here yesterday and gone today. We put in place a ring of steel which we will not allow you to penetrate. When this form of discard has been effected you are actually receiving a double whammy of discard and an absent silent treatment. This is designed to reinforce like a hammer blow that you are no longer of any use to us. We do not want to see you, we do not want to hear from you and we do not want to read your e-mails, messages and texts. At least not yet. This form of discard arises because we have already replaced you. We have found a new primary source of fuel and he or she is a thousand times better than you. We have brought down the shutters, raised the drawbridge and built our castle walls thick and high as we now sit in the throne room with our new, wonderful and perfect primary source by our side. You have been struck from the record, deleted and erased. We do not want you distracting us from this most precious person that we have found. The truth is that the memory of us being linked to you irritates and infuriates us. We thought that you were the one who would supply us with positive fuel always. Despite the other failures that had gone before you, you showed such promise and we gave you everything in order to seduce you. Now you are placed on the appliance pile, discarded and broken, of no current use to us. You let us down and we bristle at the thought that we even considered you might be of use to us. Your failure and the fact we chose you means that we feel criticised and the ignition of our fury results in a cold fury that creates this icy hinterland that we place between you and us. We want nothing more to do with you. Until we decide of course it is time to hoover you. This sudden and unexplained cessation of the relationship is only temporary. We will look to reinstate it at some point in order to extract hoover fuel from you, but you do not know this. All you know is that we were once there and no we are no longer and it hurts. Your soul has been wrenched from within you. It does not matter how badly we hurt you, you still wanted that golden period and our sudden departure has denied that from ever happening again, or at least that is what you are led to believe. Your pain is absolute, combined with the confusion and bewilderment.

Another way in which we cast you to one side is akin to being repeatedly dunked in a barrel of icy water. Each time your dunking lasts a little longer and you fear you cannot hold your breath any longer and this time this is it, you are on your way out, only for us to haul you out and that sweet and precious air fills your lungs, if only for an instance before you are thrust back into the water. During that interlude, as the water cleared from your eyes and you gulped great lungfuls of air you saw someone else stood by our side, watching you with a look of curiosity on their face. This is your replacement but we have not yet decided that they are to replace you as we are giving you the chance to prove yourself and provide some further fuel before we push you away and leave you spluttering and gasping on the ground beside the barrel. We never finish you off. That would be pointless. We always need to come back, not that you will realise that as you lie panting and shaking on the ground, cold and soaked, watching as we stroll away, our arm around the new prospect. This steady and controlled discard takes place as we lose interest in you but we have no desire to make our departure sudden and swift. We want to hedge our bets as we firm up our arrangements with your replacement, fine-tuning that seduction as we continue to extract fuel from you through this dunking. We push and pull, toying with your emotions. This is not part of the devaluation even though we exhibit a similar behaviour during that time when we denigrate you and then grant respite. No, this is different. When this is undertaken in an accelerated fashion then you know that it is a form of discard. We may give you a week of hell and then several weeks of the golden period before hell again. That is the push and pull of devaluation. When this technique is applied as discard it is disorientating as one day is fine and the next is not and then fine again. You feel like you are being figuratively bludgeoned and as you try and get your bearings you stagger across the boxing ring away from us only to meet another opponent who continues the beating and then sends you on your way to the next one.

These are just two forms of the way we will discard you. Why do we do it? As ever it is all about fuel. With the first it is because we have new and brilliant fuel and no longer wish to be reminded about your faltering and weak fuel. In the second we have not yet confirmed that the new source is as potent as we require and in the meanwhile we decide to continue to extract further fuel from you as your severance from us takes place in typical salami-slicing fashion. In every entanglement with our kind you will eventually be discarded. You won’t see it coming but it is always in the post, coming along the highway, wending its way towards you.

Don’t be too concerned though. No discard is for ever. We always come back for more.

69 thoughts on “Offload

  1. Jules says:

    But HG ur perfect women sounds like she needs to be a narc full of empathy. That doesn’t exist. Besides wasnt sweet caroline near perfect? -and embraced ur ways. Im sure there women who have tried or come close to what u describe. I sure as hell no i bent over backwards to be her and if i turned a blind eye to his wrong doings he got bored cos i wasn’t challenging enough. If i challenged him on his ways i was given the discard or ST. So we really cannot win

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Valid points Jules but that was then and this is now, as Depeche Mode once sang, “The Landscape is Changing”.

  2. Snow White says:

    Hello HG,
    Even if someone is able to give you everything that you have described above, is it enough to that you will not have to look elsewhere for a third party? That was ultimately what hit me. I knew my ex was always going to want someone else. She had been with her finance for 10 years and I do believe she knew what she was going to jubjected to for the rest of her life. She was willing to submit to her and to take whatever came her way in exchange for the guarantee that she would be taken care of. She was fully aware of her monster. They married two months ago. She was the perfect co-dependent for her. She will never leave her. But she still had to come after me. Why? Thanks HG

    1. HG Tudor says:

      She evidently was not the perfect CD, Snow White otherwise she would not have had to come after you. If somebody is able to give me everything that I have described above then I regard it as being enough and therefore there will be no need for me to seek fuel from an alternative source to the detriment of the incumbent primary source.

      1. Snow White says:

        Hello HG, Wow! That sounds like such a difficult task. Her and I were some of the most accepting and non judgmental and caring individuals out there, just like so many people on this blog. I really can’t understand how we weren’t good enough for her. I can’t imagine what it is like to be in your mind and trying to find that one person. However I am understanding more and more how you feel that you are repeatedly let down and that the world has failed you. I do enjoy learning from your perspective. I try to see things how you see them. It helps me every day. Thanks

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome and may I say that by adopting my perspective you are unlocking a huge part of the narcissistic puzzle. You do not have to agree with it, like it or adopt it, but by looking at things from it, you will understand far more.

  3. Indy says:

    I see the strength in your conviction of black or white thinking. Consider this, what about each being defined by the other? All opposites are defined by its opposite. Light doesn’t exist without dark, right without wrong, day without night, yin without yang. When two seemingly incompatible beliefs coexist at the same time, (i.e. “the bad man doing a good thing”) you find “the gray”.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I agree. That is why I alternate between the two.

      1. Indy says:

        You do not just alternate, you reside in the gray sometimes (bad man doing good things, your words not mine). Dusk and dawn…the most beautiful images reside here, including the beautifully complicated you. Gray is complex, interesting, deep. Here’s some gold braiding, snuck it through for ya! Don’t tell that the empathetic Indy is also a gleeful sinner. Gloriously. Shades of indigo, glowing in the sky….while I deal with a boring work meeting….hate admin meetings. Ms Indy

      2. SA says:

        And you do this well.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you.

  4. love says:

    LOL! For as dark and sinister as you narcissists are… you also sound like hopeless romantics. “Someday my prince will come…” Snow White Disney

  5. I will survive says:

    This is the saddest shit I believe someone can experience. On both sides. As I began to learn about Ns (beginning ~2006 to date, cuz you remain scarred for life), I’ve come to realize my Mother, ex-husband, 1st love (ha) after divorce (the EVIL one who nearly destroyed me & with whom I began the journey out of the depths of hell), I again fell in the rabbit hole 10 yrs later! WTF??? This one didnt last long, at least I’m getting a little better at recognizing the ugly treatment sooner; however this was an old school mate – long story short, I walked and now dealing with friends not knowing what happened cuz I rarely or won’t share my private shit! So its all whispers and triangulating with some of my so called best friends who are clueless. What a horrible thing to play with someones heart & soul who did nothing more than try to care about them! But whats worse must be living a life as a narc! As a true empath (no apology here) my heart goes out to these poor, pitiful people! 😢

  6. Iwillsurvive says:

    This one brought out the raw pain, sadness of realization (again), and tears… retched, uncontrollable tears (again)! As i posted on an earlier blog: This is the saddest shit I believe someone can experience. On both sides. As I began to learn about Ns (beginning ~2006 to date, cuz you remain scarred for life), I’ve come to realize my Mother, ex-husband, 1st love (ha) after divorce (the EVIL one who nearly destroyed me & with whom I began the journey out of the depths of hell), I again fell in the rabbit hole 10 yrs later! WTF??? This one didnt last long, at least I’m getting a little better at recognizing the ugly treatment sooner; however this was an old school mate – long story short, I walked and now dealing with friends not knowing what happened cuz I rarely or won’t share my private shit! So its all whispers and triangulating with some of my so called best friends who are clueless. What a horrible thing to play with someones heart & soul who did nothing more than try to care about them! But whats worse must be living a life as a narc! As a true empath (no apology here) my heart goes out to these poor, pitiful people! 😢

  7. Another Cara says:

    Regarding no discard being forever, do you place yourself in obvious sight of the object when you want to hoover? Do you make excuses to be near the object? Do you hold loud conversations that you know the object will hear? Will you ask nearby colleagues a question about a subject you know your hoover object is an expert in?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If the opportunity to effect the actions you describe AC exists, then yes, we will do those things.

      1. Another Cara says:

        Yeah, fun times! The most recent discard portrays me as a mentally unstable, obssessed stalker! Projection much?

        For someone who is supposedly afraid of me, she sure turns up a lot. And ignoring her only makes it worse!

        Fuck! I’m healed. I understand. I just want her gone! Please tell me what, if anything, makes you and your kind disappear permanently!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Execution mainly but I could not advocate you taking such a step as that would be inciting you to commit a criminal act and whilst I could not care less if you get caught, I do not want to be implicated, so don’t do it!
          we never disappear permanently but you can achieve near permanent disappearance by staying out of the five spheres of influence and then ensuring that you are an unattractive proposition to be hovered so that the excecution criteria for a hoover are not met.

  8. I am waiting to find the one I will not want to discard. I know he is out there. I feel it down to the marrow of my bones.

    The one who makes me feel more alive than I have ever felt in my life. One whom will adore and understand me as I am and not seek to judge or change me.

    How about you HG? Do you think there is one for you out there….one you will want to hold on to and not let go of?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I don’t think. I know.

      1. Jules says:

        Please decribe her. What wud she be like? How wud she be different to the others u thought were the one? What wud she have to do that all of us haven’t tried to remain in the golden period forever.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Someone who understands what I am, does not regard that as a bad thing, recognises that there is a need to be submissive to my needs but with that comes considerable reward, the capacity to engage my mind and body with considerable vigour, enthusiasm and dedication, accomplished in their own fields without overshadowing mine, fully appraised of the need to provide the positive fuel potent and fulsome, adaptable and flexible in order to cater for the vagaries of a relationship with me without running for cover or becoming selfish. those are some of the thoughts which immediately come to mind,

          1. Mr. Tudor,
            I’d like to personally introduce myself. Although it looks like you’ve already received my resume.

      2. Indy says:

        Have you already found the one, that genie in a bottle or queen of her castle or angel of her cloud? 👼👸⚡️🔮

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do and then it turns to dust but the scent of promise has become stronger as of late.

          1. Don’t tell everyone about us! I thought it was a secret? I knew I couldn’t trust you….*sob*

          2. Indy says:

            Hmmmm, does it have to be one or the other though? Duchess or dust? Very black and white thinking for a man that can think beautifully in spectrums…..can she not be the Dusty Duchess?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Black or white. There is no grey.

          4. Indy says:

            Oh come on! You are capable of more than black white thinking! Plus, perfection comes in many forms…including perfect flaws. Like loving that snort laugh in a perfectly delicate angel. I really like, for example, your perfectly flawed grandiosity, it’s, dare I say, adorable to me. No offense meant, actually a rare endearment from me. My ex actually used it as a charm, he played grandiosity as a schtick…I actually enjoyed it…..pretty smart of my ex for a mid range, huh? Is this something you know of that others do?

          5. HG Tudor says:

            I rather like that description of perfectly flawed grandiosity, there is a story to tell with such a marvellous title as that. I am obliged.
            could you elaborate please on what you mean by playing grandiosity as a schtick

          6. Indy says:

            Thank you for your compliment on a potential title. I hope to hear a story from you regarding this 🙂

            What I meant by my ex using grandiosity as a shtick was that he would joke about his self centeredness, his superiority. It was like he was joking to make me think he really didn’t think it, because he knew it wasn’t socially acceptable and if he was “joking about it” then he isn’t really a self absorbed man….but….indeed he did think this and showed it in other ways. And, I knew it. If that was all to his narcissism, I would have stayed. He was lovely at it. It was actually quite cute at times, because he was bright, some of it was true, but damn….the over the top confidence killed me. And, I loved it. He used to love making me laugh at this shtick too. I actually miss that part. I loved him and his flaws. Just not the flaws that compromised me, my sanity and my existence in the relationship.

            You see, the gray involves beauty in imperfection(a Lotus that arises from the mud), loving the flaws(an elegant dancer who trips on stairs), being completely “FLAWESOME”.

            Does that make sense and do you know of others that engage in this?

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you for the expansion. I engage in apparent self-effacing behaviour from time to time to get under the defences. It is easily done and amongst those of us in the higher echelons readily deployed.

          8. Indy says:

            Is it a more elite narcissist trait or can mid rangers do this too? I actually fall pray to this. Hmmmmmm

          9. HG Tudor says:

            greater and mid range

          10. Snow White says:

            Indy, that was beautiful at the end!!! I loved it. I loved the side of your ex that you were describing. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. If only they could have seen our unconditional love for them. I accepted all of my exes flaws just like you but it was never ever going to be enough. Their grandiosity can be very enduring. I also liked that in my ex. Thanks for making me smile

          11. Indy says:

            Awww SW, thank you. Yes, it’s a beautiful trait in him. One that charmed me and allowed me to see the boy in him at times (unbeknownst to him). His eyes lit up when he played (the boy he kept deep in). It made sense to me that he shined through his eyes while he played and I saw where this need to play hide and seek was deep in him (hiding true self with false self, the cute cocky mask). And, with that said, I had to say goodbye to the smarty pants with addiction. He engaged in verbal Kung Fu better than a seasoned lawyer and withdrew too many times. Like you, Snow, I had symptoms of trauma (chronic anxiety, heightened startle reflex, flashes of memories, dread, numbing, denial, forgetfulness of abuses)…..HG’s book Exocism helped me sooo much as did Departure. I dumped half my home out, lol….just not the kitty🐯
            Sending you positive vibes and wishing you best on your healing🍎🍏❤️

          12. Snow White says:

            Good afternoon Indy,
            Thanks for sharing that you also experienced the trauma like mine. No one off this blog has been able to comprehend how I feel. It means a lot to hear what others have been through. And it helps to have HG in my head now. I am so glad that your kitty has survived just like you. Lol… You give me inspiration Indy! Thanks and Xx🍎❤️

      3. There is no room for grey. Grey always suggests uncertainty.

        It is or it is not. It is black or white and no in between. It is the only way.

        I know it too.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Damn right B&T.

  9. B says:

    “You left me here like a chalk outline on the sidewalk waiting for the rain to wash away, wash away. You keep coming back to the scene of the crime but the dead can’t speak and there’s nothing left to say anyway. All you left behind is a chalk outline.”
    Three Days Grace – “Chalk Outline”
    Got this song on reply lol.

  10. SA says:

    These actions are beyond anything I have experienced to this extent. Jonathan at least ended it with me. He was kind enough to tell me he wanted to explore as he was only divorced one year and just started dating. Never gave me the silent treatment. He would always respond if I reached out. I asked him not to respond if I called him so I could move on and he said that he will always pick up. He has always, maybe not right away but he always called back. When I returned from Sweden at 11 PM PST, and it was 2 AM EST, he picked up the phone to talk to me. Why is this HG? Why does he respond if I reach out? Am I the NARC here? Sometimes I do wonder what he is doing.

  11. So Sad says:

    Discard .

    Mine went on for years at least two that I know of for certain while he was securing his new supply, but thinking back much much longer .
    I couldn’t ever figure out why, when the relationship was so over he kept on coming back again & again & again. His car would pull up at the same time every week & I’d think to myself WHY !! Just go, leave me alone .
    The thing was I was to emotionally worn out & physically scared of the consequences to end it .. I wish I hadn’t been .

  12. Do you ALWAYS come back for more? What if I refuse to play anymore? What if I know who you are? Your game? Dying to her the mid/greater reaction to being discovered.

    Mine is nasty hoovering again and using my daughter this time. Just want him to go bye bye…for good this time!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      We do subject to two things.
      1. There is a hoover trigger – namely you have entered one of the six spheres of influence ; and
      2. The conditions are met for the hoover to be executed – have a read of Hoover Time – Sphere One for a worked example in that regard Alex.

      You can refuse to play anymore by maintaining NC (or as near as you can achieve) and ensuring any interaction is fuel free, thus the criteria for an effective hoover are unlikely to be met so even if there is a hoover trigger, he will not execute it against you and seek fuel elsewhere.

      The Mid and Greater reaction to the accusation of being labelled a narcissist are in the pipeline.

  13. love says:

    Thank you for answering the question that has perplexed me for years. Why didn’t they end me – deplete every last drop of fuel from me?
    “We never finish you off. That would be pointless. “

  14. Listening to ♫ “Wicked Game” by H.I.M. ♫ – it fits this post perfectly (well at least to me 🙂 Interesting question…but can a narcissist be fueled by music?

  15. So, to summarize.
    You believe each time with each new prospect in the beginning you will be supplied with positive fuel forever. (we both do).
    You also know that eventually you will need the opposite from us in order to get the contrast emotion or negative fuel flowing from us that you tell us you really need later in the relationship and that this is really the goal from the get go.
    We know now you need this and you will stop at nothing to get this (we both do but differently). We want your love and respect and will stop at nothing to get it unknown to us at the time at first as to the real reasons why. You. you will ensure this happens to us both by your own actions shortly thereafter we meet by doing things on purpose that you know we will not like. it is planned by you to work out that way from the get go like I said. The need is not to supply you with our definition of our perfect love for you but your definition of the love which you need in the same way you got it in the past then (us too you listened to our past stories and we were chosen accordingly). The need for the opposite later from us… is… all you know so it in one sense is the perfect love you say you need( us too) and that is how we become hooked and abusers to each other in the end. In order for you to get it that way, it requires you to act to us like we have failed you which is the only way to bring about or give birth to the love you believe you actually need or want. love like you believe came to you in that manner as a child and you don’t know or believe in love coming to you in any other way because you don’t know love any other way. It doesn’t feel right to you without criticism. This is the only way you can understand love or can receive it. We don’t know this. We don’t know any other way either which is skewed too from our upbringing too. Both of us learned love in the extremes and not love based in a true reality. you always have to get us to believe that it is us that starts this devaluation process of ourselves, with most likely the very first thing you believe you can use as a true criticism of you or your actions, then you start that process that brings us grief or pain which you ensure we have and this again assures you get your needs met and us running amok trying to remedy. what you assure we bring you is criticism which starts the ball rolling. you assure we get indifference and absence confusion pain and chaos which is what we hate and we try to fix this from happening to us again which then starts our ball rolling with you to try to get you to stop the torture of us because we can’t live that life again.
    You need this so much that your now extreme behavior is done on purpose to ensure you get the desired result. you know it is coming,it always does, we don’t even with so many clues and red flags waving. We both try to replace our parents love with the love of another which we both believe is true at the start. Oh HG how I dearly would like to believe it is really that way for us both in the beginning as it somewhat makes this a bit more palatable. we both try to fix the past through each other. Neither wants to be this way. we try to be different but we are products of our individual upbringings. we are all just trying all our lives to fix the past so that we can get the love we needed once and for all and graduate into the humans we were meant to be that they stopped us from becoming. They left us needy and wanting…that is why we are so needy today and when measured are both found to be wanting in other aspects of our lives too. We keep expecting others to fix us, fix whats wrong fix the past love cycle that we are destined to repeat. we are taught to believe this won’t happen without someone intervening or helping us, or loving us when actually only we can. We don’t know this. The child stunted inside keeps going after mom or dad to please them every time and “this time” hoping they will stop the abuse. Partner just replaces parent when you are young. When we can’t fix or span the gap with others we choose revert back to our old ways, we don’t know how to do the opposite on our own. we keep wanting them to fix what they did in our heads and hearts so that we are free to know real love . it’s all about see mommy see daddy I did good now will you love me right so I can grow up to be big and strong and not have to live out the rest of my life like this…like you two made me because I am not strong enough to go through it all again for an eternity with others like you so I need you to fix this for me once and for all because If you can’t I am doomed to a life of yours and my own torture…They can’t for they know not what they have done as the saying goes and we are supposed to forgive not emulate and we can’t at first because we really don’t see at first the real damage being done and how we will be affected in the real future and not our young imagined ones. we can’t so we live a life of torture until we can fix our past and our beliefs and ways stemming from it all…If we can not, then this is how we live forever and ever AMEN. part of the problem for some that remains though is that Normal love is now thought to be boring and not exciting enough as a real prospect anymore because we get addicted to the person we assigned our love to too and the adrenaline rushes instead of a good real genuine body “flush”. we would both rather conquer the past than cure the future.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      thank you Elaine, there is force in what you have written and it is not too dissimilar to some points that have been made with the good doctors as of late. Thank you for sharing that.

  16. Jules says:

    Hi HG. Iv written to u before about theses discards and hoovers. I told u i was convinced iv had the FINAL discard since i exposed him and he knows there is no way in hell he can come back from this last episode. U told me he cud possibly hoover back in a malign or benign way if i enter his sphere of influence.
    So i have done non of the usual behaviour since the last discard and that is… Return his unknown calls with an unknown call. Put a profile pic on my whatsapp with a message he knows is related to him ( its always a nasty one). Or i wait out a few weeks ( 4 weeks is the longest i can hold out) and id usualy brake the silence by sending him a msg arguing my point. So iv done none of the above for 3 months now. Iv heard nothing from him. The silence must be killing him. But a few days ago he contacted the ONLY person we both know. A very good friend of mine who is a psychic and the narc knows we speak regularly. I had sent him to her for a reading in the past.
    My question is ,is this a hoover in the wings or a set up? He asked her for a reading. He cud of gone to anyone else in town. He knows she will tell me about his reading. ( even thi shes not soppose to) If he did not want me to no anything about his life he definitely wud not have gone to her. He let it be known to her he has a new girlfriend 17 younger but stated its someone to past the time with. The psyhic predicted he keeps her at arms length. He confirmed thats true. She predicted the relationship wont go anywhere and once this girl presses for more commitment he will discard her. He nodded in agreement thats what he wud do. He then proceeded to bad mouth me to her and accused me of things i havent done. She defended me. When he left her he never once said ” pls dont tell jules about any of this”.
    Now if there is one thing he knows about me very well is if im wrongly accused of something i will go to the ends of the earth to prove my innocence. Of course as soon as she told me i went balistic and wanted to contact him with evidence stating my innocence.
    Due to ur books and blogs a light buld moment happened and I realized that is exactly what he wants me to do. Contact him and clear my name there by braking the no contact. Am i correct? Was this a set up. He did ask after me and as instructed she told him im doing fabulously and very happy. He sqirmed in his seat. Is he expecting me to contact him? Of course i wont. What can i expect him to do from here and if he contacts me in anyway how is best to handle it pls?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      hello jules, excuse the delay in replying, I have been away.
      First of all your remaining out of the spheres of influence is commendable and minimised the prospects of a hoover being triggered and indeed executed. It appears you must have entered into the sixth sphere of influence as what has happened is a malign hoover by proxy combined with smearing. As you identify, he adopted the approach that he thought would cause you to react the most, by smearing you. He wanted to infuriate you so that you would erupt and get in contact with him to berate him and to correct the smear.
      He will be waiting to see if there is any reaction therefore do not provide one. this will infuriate him that the malign hoover by proxy has not drawn a response from you. It will also mean that he is less likely to execute a further hoover.
      In terms of him contacting you, it will be easier to answer this if I know which avenues of communication remain open to him.

      1. Jules says:

        Thank u HG. He is able to contact me via phone call or sms. If i see his name pop up on my phone my plan is to reject it or just let it ring and not call him back. If he sends an sms iv switched my delivery report off so ill be able to read it but he will never no if iv read it. I plan not to reply. Im actually dearly hoping he tries one of the above just so i can have the pleasure of not responding. Id really like to dish out some of his own medicine for a change and then that will be my happy ending.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome and your approach is sensible although of course you could always block him but I see that you wish to infuriate him through the failure to respond to his communications and that is fair enough.

  17. 1jaded1 says:

    The fact that your kind always comes back for more is what most concerns me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Rightly so 1jaded.

  18. Cara says:

    Why should I change my number? I simply block yours…all you know is you can’t reach me. If I want you around later, I can unblock you (my carrier lets me do that) and call you & if you ask why your calls “haven’t been getting through”, I just say, “Oh you know these cell phones, I’m losing important calls constantly”

  19. Snow White says:

    Hi HG, well we are all hoping that you are coming back soon. It’s not the same. Everyone here is thinking the same thing. Hope everything is ok. ❤️🍎❤️

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you SW that is most kind of you.I am back in the saddle and raring to go. Working my way through the messages,

      1. Snow White says:

        Nice to have you back HG

        1. HG Tudor says:

          My dark shadow was always lurking SW! Thank you.

      2. Snow White says:

        I thought I felt your presence this week. lol Lurking is a great word

  20. Lilly says:

    Nope. He needs to just keep doing what he’s doing and stay away. I got the first one and it was death. Now I oscillate between wanting him, and wanting to kick him in his f*cking face. But him ignoring me was a gift. All this is slowly making me more aware of the innate manipulation tactics, and I also believe he researched extra techniques too. I just have to keep telling myself it’s not hot. And work on my own issues I have surrounding control. I’m… I’ve… still got a hard road ahead, don’t I? But at least I’m able to walk it in relative peace. Only the chaos of (what’s left of) my own mind to navigate.

  21. Maddie says:

    Lol the offload looks like my toy 😉

  22. Indy says:

    “In every entanglement with our kind you will eventually be discarded.”
    Unless we escape and leave first.

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      How are you, Indy?

      1. Indy says:

        I’m good! NC for 9 days😊 no attempt on his part to contact, which is excellent! How are you Jaded1?

    2. 1jaded1 says:

      I’m okay, thank you Indy. NC for 9 days IS excellent. Yay.

  23. lmmc says:

    No, “your kind” does not always discard or hoover. Maybe the majority do, but some stay with the same woman and some never hoover after a discard. I am curious to why that is.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello immc, it is correct that our kind may stay with the same person but that is not to say that they are not unfaithful and obtain fuel elsewhere, or ping pong between two people. as to never hovering, well sometimes hoovers happen and people do not realise it was a hoover and sometimes it can take years before they happen.

  24. Maddie says:

    We will see :)))

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