6 Speciality Hoovers and How To Unplug Them


The hoover. An instrument of cleaning and the instrument by which we endeavour to suck you back into our false reality so we can exert our hold over you once again. Hoovers come at various stages of your dance with us and also come in a variety of forms and guises so that you may not even realise that a hoover is taking place. Hoovers come in two categories which are linked to when they take place and the method adopted to hoover. Some methods can apply to different times in the interaction with our kind, others apply to just one time, often post discard or post escape. There are scores of different methods used in hoovers but here are six which may or may not be familiar to you along with how you can endeavour to pull the plug on them and avoid being sucked in. It is worth pointing out of course that if your narcissist cannot find you and contact you, the hoover can never get started, but that state of affairs is not always possible.

  1. The Proxy Hoover

This does not come from the narcissist but from one of his supporters in his coterie or his Lieutenants. It usually comes from a Lieutenant who can be relied on to execute the hoover in precisely the way that we have directed. The Proxy Hoover will often include a different type of hoover e.g. The Medical Emergency Hoover where the narcissist will use a genuine or more likely feign a medical emergency to force interaction between you and the narcissist and engender sympathy. With the proxy, the call alerting you to the emergency concerning the narcissist will come from the Lieutenant. Like any proxy hoover, there are several reasons for adopting this approach: –

  1. You may not realise the person is a lieutenant and therefore you are more likely to respond to what they say than if it came from our kind, especially if you have instigated no contact;
  2. The conflict between you and us is ameliorated as a consequence of the involvement of this third party, meaning you are more likely to believe what you are being told;
  3. The proxy may stand more chance of persuading you to act;
  4. You may regard what we say and do with suspicion but not this third party
  5. You may not want to look bad in the eyes of the third party by failing to respond.

The key to dealing with this hoover is actually recognise what it is. It is not a third party asking for your help, it is a third party coercing you into contact with us again. You should be especially aware of any of your friends or family asking you to see us or do something for us, or if they comment about how good you and I were together, that we really do miss you and so on. We will infiltrate your supporters to gain added credibility and slip under your radar in this manner. Be aware that any third party who asks you to engage with us is a proxy who is executing the hoover on our behalf. No matter how purportedly significant the event is, the emotional pull involved or the persuasion applied reject it and do so in a firm and business-like manner. Do not show indecision, do not appear upset or concerned or even annoyed or irritated by the approach – even if you do not engage this reaction will be reported to us and will achieve two things for us. One, fuel. Secondly, we know we still have an effect on you and we will keep hoovering. If you are concerned the nature of the proxy hoover may be genuine suggest the Lieutenant finds someone else to help.

  1. The Reverse Hoover

This is quite a cunning method of hoovering. We let it be known through various channels that we do not want anything to do with you, that you should never darken our doorstep again and that we are through with you. This message will be broadcast over all channels – through friends, family, social media and so on. It is not said by us directly to you, that would defeat the purpose. We ensure this message reaches you and the aim is to have you disbelieve that we would say such a thing about you and to appeal to your desire to prove us wrong. Just in the way that a parent causes problems by denying a teenager any opportunity to hang out after 9pm, so they go and do it anyway, by telling you there is something that you cannot do, you then want to do it. Of course we have to gauge the right recipient of this hoover as some people will be content to hear us say those words. It is usually done with those we have discarded without telling that person they have been discarded and they cannot quite believe that it is at an end. This proclamation will cause them concern but they are still not ready to accept that it is the case that the relationship has ended (and they are right because it never ends) and therefore they come looking for an explanation and confirmation that what they have heard is not true. By not telling you direct we can tell you that the rumours you have heard are false and welcome you back with open arms as you are successfully hoovered. Again, recognise this for what it is and avoid acting on what you have been told. It is a ruse to play on your trait of needing to know. If you hear such things being said tell yourself that the comments are true, it is over and we do not want anything to do with you and stay away.

  1. The Letterbox Hoover


This hoover utilises the strong link we know that exists for some time post discard or post escape between seeing a trigger and the golden memories (and/or dark memories) that flow from the trigger. For example, we always slow danced to a particular piece of music with you which made you feel loved and wonderful. If you hear that piece of music the memory is awakened and we flood your memory and your senses. This is ever presence. To avoid this happening you need to take all steps not to play this piece of music again, indulge yourself with new pieces of music and if you hear it inadvertently to switch it off or move away from its source. With this hoover we want to scale your defences and use ever presence to get back in to your head, cause you to think of us and react (and although we do not see it we will get fuel because we know how you will respond) and make you vulnerable to wanting to contact us or a further hoover approach from us. One method of doing this is to send you a birthday or Christmas card with a beautiful, thoughtful handwritten message, often alluding to what we did together on a wonderful birthday or Christmas together during our golden period. This arrives with other cards and therefore is less noticeable. We will most likely print the address or have someone else write it for us so our handwriting does not alert you on the envelope. Once you open it, you read the message and see it is from us and bam! We are in your head and heart once again. It is a pleasant gesture, no malice and you will remember all the good things, think about us, want to contact us and thank us and wonder if this represents a fresh beginning of good relations or the chance to get back together and do things right this time. It is a hoover pure and simple.

To tackle this covert hoovering method, have someone vet all cards and parcels which are sent to you around Christmas, birthday and other appropriate festivals and events. Once checked this person can weed out anything from us and then reseal the envelopes for you so you still have the pleasant act of opening the envelopes and cards for yourself, that have been sent from anybody but us.

  1. The Psychic Connection

This is effective if we know that you are a spiritual person who believes in psychic events, astrology, ghosts, telepathy and the emotional connections between people that are stronger than normal. These beliefs and similar are often applicable to empathic people who of course form our victims of choice. We will use a supposed psychic connection or event to appeal to this nature of yours in order to signify that something special has happened which means we need to be together. We have to have the means of contacting you, often by sending you a message or leaving a voicemail. It is done in a dramatic fashion as we have suddenly uncovered a mystical or portentous occurrence which is of deep-seated significance which tells us that we are meant to be together, we should see each other straight away to discuss its implications or that it has caused us to see the light with it being conveyed in such a manner. Examples will include

  1. Claiming to have dreamt about you in a strange and significant way;
  2. We have seen a clairvoyant who spoke about you and I;
  3. We saw your image when you were not there as if you needed to tell us something;
  4. A picture of you fell off the wall or fell over on our desk without explanation and we knew this meant you wanted to get in touch;
  5. We have had a vision of something terrible happening to you and we have to warn you to save you;
  6. Your face appeared in the froth on our morning latte;
  7. Your name was spelt in jam on the kitchen floor when we dropped our toast.

From the possible to the ridiculous we will exploit your belief in such things in order to establish contact again. Recognise any messages that allude to the above or similar things as what they are; a hoover and do not respond to them in any fashion no matter how curious or compelling it may feel.

  1. The Silent Hoover

This comes in the form of a telephone call but there is no message left or nobody speaks when you answer. It is a blank text message or empty e-mail. It is an invitation to use a particular app on your phone. The purpose of this is to get you to respond to find out why it was sent or done. Once you do so we will either escalate the nature of the hoover by turning on the charm or trying to draw sympathy etc. through the application of a further hoover. We may not respond when you telephone but we know that we have been able to make you respond and we will do a few further Silent Hoovers to increase your curiosity and confirm that you are vulnerable now to our overture by way of a further hoover.  If you fail to respond or do so and dismiss us we save face by saying it was sent by mistake a “butt call” or we hit the wrong key etc. If you respond favourably then we have a green light to apply further pressure to seduce you again. Once again recognise this for what it is and no matter how curious as to why it has been sent do not respond. It is a hoover which will rope you in and have you subjected to further additional hoovers of a different nature.

  1. The Prove Yourself Hoover

Similar to The Reverse Hoover, this hoover relies on your need to say your piece, stand up for yourself and have the last word. It relies on ensuring that a smear campaign has been effected against you and something particularly ridiculous or savage has been said about you. We will ensure that word reaches you through messages from third parties, third parties telling you to your face or postings on social media so you are gripped by the need to respond, set the record straight and tell us what has really happened in order to get us to accept this and issue an apology and correction. We know the type of victim that this really strikes home with, those who always need the truth to be told, who need to be held in correct regard by other people and those who must set us straight. We know you will be sat bristling, incredulous at what is being said about you and you cannot help yourself but want to get the true version out there and ram our words back down our throat. This hoover relies on this and the fuel that flows as you come charging at us ready to make us eat our words. This is precisely that we want to happen.

Again, recognise it is happening and do not respond. If you need to ensure people know the truth, then tell them in an even-handed and level manner and refer to evidence wherever possible rather than oral testimony and hearsay. Do not try and approach us, do not try and persuade us. We are not interested in that. We are interested in your fuel and getting to interact with you again.

To learn more about the narcissistic hoover read Black Hole – Available on Amazon

US  https://www.amazon.com/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ

UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ

CAN  https://www.amazon.ca/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ

AUS  https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B01D7OPOFQ

92 thoughts on “6 Speciality Hoovers and How To Unplug Them

  1. MH says:

    Sometimes I run into mine inadvertently- I just ignore him. Once I maybe ignored him a bit conspicuously, not very prudent but I was getting a power rush after watching the high comedy of him trying to position himself in my line of sight. Inevitably there’s a spectre/letterbox/proxy hoover attempt- in the beginning it was weird FB friend requests until I changed the settings so that random people can’t send them to me. Then someone brought him up more or less out of the blue and started ridiculing him, someone who shouldn’t even know that I know him. After that it was an e-mail from a Russian girl supposedly sending out her resumé and looking for a job, to which I did not reply. Next came an e-mail from someone looking for a Russian tutor for his son. I don’t speak Russian, except for a few words. N is not Russian but speaks it as one of his native languages. Maybe there are telephone calls too- OBVIOUSLY I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t recognize.
    I hope I haven’t triggered a malice obsession? I wasn’t IPPS- IPSS/DLS,or somewhere in between.

  2. wolfensite says:

    Hi HG, I am new to this, and your posts are enlightening. Scary, really, because they describe the person who left me a message yesterday. I’d say “out of the blue” if he had been anyone else; he’s not. I think it was a hoover phone call, which I didn’t answer. It’s been five weeks since he contacted me after a discard. He didn’t answer my two phone messages or my email during the days post-discard and devaluation in the form of disrespect – did he forget that? – before I realized it was a discard. His demeanor on the message was sweet, endearing, a tone I’d not heard in a long time, the opposite of his devaluation voice. He said, “I’m sorry you’re not speaking to me. It’s OK. Maybe I deserve it, and maybe I don’t.” This was followed by him saying he called to say hello, and talk soon. I have to see him at a work event next week, and at work he can do no wrong.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Wolfensite, thank you for making yourself known and I am pleased that the posts are enlightening for you. Yes, his call will have been a hoover, there would be no other reason for getting in touch with you.Have you know seen him at work?

  3. Indy says:

    HG, I just read above that you said you have seen others of your kind loose contact with reality (psychotic episode) when fuel is cut off for a period of time. Wow. Do you know if they were under a doctors care?and do you know if medication can be used prophylacticly, such as antipsychotic medication, to prevent this happening during your experiment of cutting fuel off? (F you don’t know, could you ask docs about it?). Will you be monitored by a doctor to make sure that you do not hurt yourself or become disconnected from reality? That sounds scary to think about, brave to consider doing, and I feel sad that it’s a possibility . Hoping for the best for you HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Indy, the person concerned (Uncle Robert) was not under a doctor’s care. I do not know if anti-psychotics administered beforehand would ward off this happening, I would have to ask the good doctors. We have yet to decide how this will be done but I will be discussing it with them further. I do not want to end up demented.

      1. Indy says:

        Wait, now I’m curious. How old was uncle Robert when he became “psychotic”? What were the circumstances? Did he use drugs? Was he ever diagnosed by anyone with anything else? Was he hospitalized?

        Did Uncle Robert develop dementia or psychosis (they are different with different causes). You writing a book about this too, the details?

        I am now more hopeful….forming a theory, but oddly enough I have more hope 😊

        This sentence broke my heart “I don’t want to end up demented” though, this is the rescuer in me, it’s been activated. Hey, at least I recognize it, right?

        Please let us know what doctors think about the possibility of a psychotic break when you go on the fuel free journey and if antipsychotic meds can be used to protect you from a risk of psychotic break during experiement.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Indy, he was in his 50s. He had not be seen by any family members for quite some time and my father was tasked to visit him and find out why he had not been answering his telephone. My father had a key to enter Uncle Robert’s property and said that he found him in his study, tearing up books claiming that “the words would not sit still and be read, they kept wanting to make new words” and then he attacked my father. My father managed to fend him off and leave the property. He knew something was untoward and called the police and ambulance service. Uncle Robert was carted off to hospital after a fight with four police officers. He was sectioned (UK term for committed to psychiatric care). I understand he was described as having a psychotic episode as a consequence of stress. He has not developed dementia.
          I will let you know what the good doctors think when there is the discussion about this. I am not letting them give me any medication. I don’t trust them not to slip me a `Mickey Finn – I never accept their offers of refreshment during the sessions preferring to take my own water.

          1. Indy says:

            Hi HG,
            Thank you for sharing such personal information about your uncle. Stress is often used as a euphemism when celebrities are committed in the US. It would be important to know if he was someone that abused substances or had a medical condition(liver disease, kidney issues, tumor). Poisoning can do this too. Unmedicated mania can do this too. Viruses….so many things can do this.

            My ex that recently died (non narcicist addict) had occasional bouts of psychosis when his liver and kidneys could not filter enough blood and had too much ammonia in his system. He also had this reaction when withdrawing from drugs and when in a manic episode that got out of hand (he Had Bipolar Disorder and tried to use alcohol and illicit drugs to treat rather that prescriptions). He always returned to sanity when he body was more balanced chemically.

            In the US, we cannot give meds to someone without permission unless they are committed. Not sure if that’s the same there. I understand the fear, though. The medical and mental health professionals have a lot of power and that can be unnerving for anyone.

            With that said, I’d be very interested to know what the doctors think. I’ve never heard of a narcissist going into psychosis due to lack of fuel, though I’m still learning about it every day myself.

      2. Tappan Zee says:

        *I do not want to be me up demented* cracks me up. More so even than names in jam or faces in froth.

  4. Yo says:

    Dear defective person, i remember i posted a question, how to make a spacific song “mine” again and shared experience how i “returned” to myself some cities/streets/restaurants, to make them “mine”, free from the ex narc

    But dont see that post?
    Especially i am interested about the answer anout that song “dance me up to tye end of love” which he made me to hear all days non stop before a discart

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yo, it is in moderation. I have some posts to catch up on.

  5. MLA - Clarece says:

    So are you going to use Hurricane Matthew as an excuse to hoover your old Floridian girlfriend? Would that fall under “Letterbox Hoover”?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It has already been done under the auspices of faux concern.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Oh you sly Fox you…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You wouldn’t want it any other way!

          1. MLA - Clarece says:


  6. Love says:

    Argh. My resolve is breaking. I’ve been NC to his hoovers for a while now. But I’m softening up to his messages. This NC really takes a lot of strength! Kudos to the ladies and gents that are celebrating 1+ years of NC. That’s admirable.

    1. Love says:

      Could I have gotten it all wrong? Maybe he’s not a narc. A case of mistaken identity? Wishful thinking… He needs me. No one can take as good care of him as I can. 😔

  7. nikitalondon says:

    LOL HG the name on the jam !!!! 😂😂😂 you made me laugh this morning

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am glad I did.

  8. Lou says:

    Is it possible that in the proxy Hoover where a third party is used that the leitenant may not know they are.
    I’m certain this guy I dated told his friends intimate details regarding our brief relationship. I can’t be sure but I was contacted by his friend just after he discarded me. This guys friend was being suggestive and I’m sure he knew what I thought was private between my ex and myself. I did not contact him to ask why he’d told someone as the guy denied it.

    What I’m wondering is if this guy was used to send this info back as he’s known for being a lady’s man and I’m sure he’d of known he’d hit on me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Lou, the Lieutenant often does not realise they are being used as a Lieutenant but rather they are doing a favour to the narcissist or they are helping two people get back together who should be together. As ever, the lieutenant is manipulated as well.
      He may well have been used to report back to the second man. We regularly use Lieutenants to scout, to smear and to hoover for us. See Sitting Target and Black Hole and Smeared for more.

  9. Another Cara says:

    Hi, HG. Brilliant post as usual and thank you.

    I believe I’m being subjected to a combo proxy hoover and reverse hoover. The narcissist states she is afraid of me and wants no more contact (hallelujah) but every time I turn around there is her sister!

    I suspect her previously butterfly, now crow, sister is attempting to accomplish multiple goals at once: spy/keep tabs on me, intimidate me, goad me into interaction or reaction.

    I admit on some level it is working because it needles me every time I see her sister. I’m staying strong with no emotional reaction or acknowledgement. But I think now it’s a game for them to know that I see them. Any thoughts?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you AC. I agree with the analysis of your own situation.

  10. B says:

    A sign… kinda like a different language. Makes sense now. Just thinking out lound.

  11. Snow White says:

    Here is how the prove yourself Hoover is going right now!
    My daughter just called and told me that my ex posted a picture of herself on Facebook holding “Disarming the Narcissist” in a shirt I bought her. She hates to read btw.
    There is a huge conversation with her wife and “daughter about me calling her a narcissist.

    1. She said “I wouldn’t have never known I was the problem if she wouldn’t have went to therapy and lied out her ass….Oh wait she did tell me it was my fault”…. I did not HG
    2. She said “now I will finally be fixed, yay, I knew I was broken but damn I didn’t know I was a narcissist. Good thing her and her therapist let me know. Crazy, lying bitches….. I’ll show you”
    3. She said after leaving the bookstore, “Oh shit, we need to go back and finish it….how will I ever get fixed? I can’t fix it if I don’t know. Lol. I never would have known if that crazy bitch wouldn’t have told me”.
    They continued to mock the whole topic and when her wife said I will read you the rest of the book later she replied,
    4.”Wait, doesn’t that mean I AM a narcissist getting people to do things for me”
    Ended it with
    “#Team Narcissist”
    It’s 5 months NC, how much longer will she keep going on Facebook?
    What does all that mean? The “I’ll show you” scares me HG. She’s plotting against me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      She will keep going on FB for as long as she knows that you will read it and/or your daughter conveys its content to you.
      Why do you need to know?
      You do not.
      Don’t look.

      1. Snow White says:

        HG, so simple!
        I appreciate you listening and telling me what I need to do. You are always right. Lol

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed I am but I always like to read it from another person SW.

          1. Snow White says:

            Well I will continue to tell you so! You are the only one worth listening to. And we need to work on getting your books in at Barnes and Noble and then someone can hold one of your books in a picture on FB. Somebody needs to benefit. ❤️❤️❤️

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Well you can order the paperbacks through Amazon and I understand they are opened up to expanded distribution. A reader told me she obtained them through ‘Wordey’ so they may start appearing through B&N online as well.

  12. Long Beach says:

    Hi, Do you have a FB page, if so what is it? May I please have the web address to this sight? I was lead to this page following a link, leading to a link to a link… you get it. Thanks!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Long Beach, I do, it is called Knowing the Narcissist which can be searched for on FB. In terms of accessing all the content and the best level of the interaction the blog however is the prime place to be.

  13. RMG says:

    I have some questions HG I know it will take some time, yet it has to do with what I believe is going on and I dont want to discuss here, is another email ok?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, thank you for asking.

  14. RMG says:

    Hmm I am going to assume it is, smh. Life is so…….

  15. Josephine says:

    The reverse hoover. When I read this one….you just took my breath away. I was pregnant. He had just disappeared and never spoke to me for over 2 weeks and I finally got through on the phone to his mother. She told me he had left a message for me….to stay away from him and that I could go f#&k myself. I was so upset, I went into early labor and had the baby that night, a month early. And he never even knew I had gone to the hospital. My sister took me. The whole thing was so horrible. I couldn’t believe anyone would treat me so badly. And ignore such a tiny, beautiful baby. This was the beginning of the end for us, because I started looking for answers. I found lots, but the best ones are found here with you, HG. Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Josephine, thank you for posting.

    2. MLA - Clarece says:

      My heart goes out to you. You have a precious blessing and the best thing you could have possibly gotten from him. Get yourself a bulldog lawyer now to get child support.

  16. RMG says:

    HG as you know I have been gone, I have been catching up and reading through comments and sorts, one jumped out at me. Meaningless to everyone yet it was something I wrote long ago. The wording was changed slightly, yet very simliar.
    I do hope that clears up what I am asking.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Read you loud and clear. Message received. receiving attention.

  17. alexis2015s says:

    4. I did not realise this was an empathic trait (call me dumb).

    When I was younger I was very interested in this sort of thing and used to read horoscopes, believed in love at first sight etc.

    But this is not something I’ve thought about for some time. I’m far more rational and scientific now. Maybe coinciding with my reduction in empathic qualities from my teenage years.

    Anyway, when the MN was lovebombing me, and I repeatedly turned him down. He kept saying to me how it was meant to be and I would tell him it really wasn’t. So he would then say, ‘in another galaxy, another lifetime’. I just thought this was bloody weird ! He said it a lot too ! And I would kind of fake smile at him and make it obvious it was not a real smile. But he persisted anyway.

    It all makes sense now. Either he used those lines on everyone, a lot, regardless. Or he had completely misread me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Dumb (well you did say),
      He probably used them on everybody.

      1. alexis2015s says:

        Thank you

  18. Snow White says:

    The proxy Hoover came first before I knew what it was and I failed. She had two different lieutenants contact me through texts and I answered both.

    The prove yourself Hoover is ongoing. It doesn’t stop!! She is still punishing me.

    The letterbox came recently and that one shook me. I still am opening my mailbox every day with caution. I’m waiting for a box of skittles 😡

    The ever presence tips that you give in your book are excellent HG. I use the one about turning the radio dial almost daily. It works

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you SW, it is good to know you are implementing the practices and that they are helping.

      1. Snow White says:

        Good evening HG,
        I am getting closer to land with the knowledge I have gained from you. The sea is rough without any support and yours has been the best. Thanks

        I know you have a master list of songs for everyone. If YOU hear one of these songs how are you affected? And I know you said that you keep some gifts from your IP’s for future use but do you wear any articles of clothing that you might have received? I noticed mine is still wearing all the clothing I bought her and it must not matter to her because she doesn’t have the emotional attachment that I would? Is that why you would be able to continue to wear them and I can’t?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If I hear the song it will cause me to think of a particular person, thus they have entered the sixth sphere and the hoover trigger has been activated,
          I would wear an item of clothing if I knew it would come to the attention of the IP.
          I have no emotional attachment to it. I use it as a weapon.

          I am pleased you are getting closer to land SW and appreciate you telling me so.

          1. Snow White says:

            Hello HG, I just read in Cherished and Chastised how you do not have a flicker of recognition of us as you use an item given by one of us. I have to remember that you have switched us off and everything that is associated with us.
            Your answers to “Do I think of you” are great reminders.
            And I now know something about daffodils. Lol😉😉
            Great book

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you SW, I am pleased you enjoyed it, I hope you can write a review. Indeed that is the case.

    2. nikitalondon says:

      SW yes I agree for people who are still involved in any kind of relationship/hoover/friendship/grip etc etc with NPD .. this is the best everbest place to refer to .
      I remember last year and beg of this year how this place helped me.. i can never give enough value to having found this blog back in end of September or beg of October 2015

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you Nikita.

      2. Snow White says:

        Good morning Nikita, how are you? I would love for the therapists out there to become aware of this blog and recommend it to their patients. This blog is the topic of my sessions…Can you tell me how you feel after being on this blog after one year? What has been the best thing that you have learned from HG? I know you have read many of his books also. You sound like you are doing great? ❤️🍎❤️

        1. nikitalondon says:

          HI Snowwhite .. sure I will tell you but I need to answer from the email as to write directly from WP is terrible.. this is why my answer took time.. I could not answer from the blog neither.

        2. nikitalondon says:

          Hi Snow White. Okay now I can reply from my Laptop and from WP directly. Sometimes if you dont get the email its difficult to reply to a comment when there is not the space at the blog. I agree this blog is very good to get clarity and understanding and finally let go of the past and move on. When I found this blog I have to say that it was also the wonderful way of writing of HG that made me stay and even comment when at that time we were only permanently. Freedom, Sheila, Alexis, Clarence, Surv, CE, Kate and LW. I think I am not missing anybody. The blog was very different at time. There were two books that changed my life and these were Fuel and Fury. I understood the behaviour of all the N people that I had met in my life and Exes and there I could build up on understanding my life. Afterwards came other pieces of understanding that helped me finally leave everything behind and this was the power of manipulation, in and out of the fog, the 3 postings on the tides and how it explained where we were emotionally in the relationship ( EXCELLENT – Never 2 B forgotten), the types of Narcissists, the schools.. Finally all made sense.. I forgave myself and was not longer angry at myself becuase I was not angry at the Ns but at myself for having fallen in all this trap and realized so late. I had forgiven my exes long time ago even without knowing that NPD existed. I also at the same time got familiar with the terms of Codependancy ( ross Rossemberg) , Empaths and Self love . So when I had understood and more important saw all the manipulations clearly like they were, it was like getting out of the fog and seing clearly the way to follow. Im dong good yes thankyou. Hope you can also reach with therapy the understanding necessary so that you move on to a new life, far away from manipulations, putdowns, drama, tears and more tears, unnecessary discussions… and find love , nice words, love expressions, harmony , peace .. wishing you all of this. All the best SW. Nikita.

          1. Indy says:

            Beautifully written Nikita ❤️💚💜💛💙

          2. Snow White says:

            Hello Nikita, I knew you would write when you got a chance. Thanks for sharing all of that. You can see how far you have come. I have loved reading your comments since I started this blog.
            I have to agree with you about Fuel and Fury. (HG, they should somehow be ranked for readers so that they are the first to be read ). They changed everything for me too.

            Like you I have found the tides to be EXCELLENT. Very relatable and THE ONE story and lesson that sticks with me the most. That should be handed out to therapists and our family and friends.

            Isn’t it funny that I was able to forgive my ex for all her behaviors right away but continue to beat myself up. Thanks for pointing out that we need to forgive ourselves Nikita!!!
            Thanks you for all your well wishes. There are no words to express how much I appreciate it. SW❤️🍎❤️

      3. Yo says:

        Pity i didnt know NARCs exist and i didnt find this place exactly a year ago.. in Oct 2015. I would avoided those worst months oct-dec 2015..

        And would escaped after the 1st silent treatment, if only i had been aware

  19. RMG says:

    HG what kind of hoover would it be if lets say they were here?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I don’t understand your question RMG, could you elaborate?

  20. Claudia says:

    Friends, and Nons, Alike: Due to offending some with my “Wink”, I will not be able to respond to any more of your comments to me as I am turning off all NOTIFICATIONS to this lovely site. I will miss you all. I have enjoyed your company, each one of you, very much. Being severely BPD is not as easy as I make it look. You ought to try on my shoes someday, and attempt to try navigating through life without inner-identity, inner-direction, or boundaries. I am trying to get better, everyday. Be well. I wish you all peace. Mr. Tudor, Sir… I love you dearly, as does everybody else here on this blog. You will never be without the love and attention you desire. One less is merely a “needle in a haystack for you”. Nonetheless, for me, you were always more than such…SO MUCH MORE. Kindest Regards,
    Claudia xxxoooxxxooo (Hugs and kisses)

  21. Yo says:

    Update: about my exNARC: he is somatic (sex sex and sex 24/7 365)
    And 4) i remember i told him he is sick while he was dropping me to a guy i liked (i think i also told him why i was that much into that new guy) coz i was drunk to be honest.

    So, why he does not accept my generous suggestions to f*ck when i need it?
    1 time i even did an effort (as o needed s*x urgently) so apart from suggestion to f*ck i told him that he is the best of the best

    Hajha this had a reaction : he said he will try to come after his meeting in the evening and it has never happened

    Pity. Coz he us good in bed, my body 8s used to him and i dont feel anything regarding him=》 good option for f*cker to serve my needs.

    But he does not want!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because he wants to exert control and make that decision. He does not want you to have the power to make those decisions.

  22. Viktoria says:

    ” Your face appeared in the froth on our morning latte”
    HG, come on! If I have IQ room temperature, than maybe☺wtf can’t belive it…..peace….

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That sentence was conveyed as a joke. I am was highlighting how in some instances our kind will invent any reason (such as that absurd example) as an excuse to get in contact.

      1. Ah Oh says:

        But I did see you in my latte while I was in Sweden. It was a big question mark. I actually took a picture of it.

  23. Yo says:

    Dear defective person, some months ago i asked here, if i can use my exNARC for s*x, as i needed seratonin 🙂 and technically speaking he is good.

    So i f*cked him twice. But… happened something which usually does not happen with guys:
    On whatsapp:
    Me “wanna f*ck today”
    He “silence, no answer”

    Guys used to accept these type of “offers ))).
    But the NARC really showed he is absolutely not interested. And like this several times (coz when i am horny i message to all guys him included who could serve me hehhe)).
    And after that apply a FIFO method: first in first out ))))
    So, reaction from him is always the same: nothing

    I think it s because:
    1) during our sex he felt i use him gor sex
    2) i noticed (and expressed) that he lost weight and muscles =》 he is very slim, so always wanted to gain weight.
    3) just after f*cking him he dropped me to a place i liked in that moment to continuo.. the pleasure. Hehhe (what can i do, i needed more))

    I didnt do or said anything intentionally (e.g. his muscles) but i was very frank and told him i didnt miss him and i like this new guy. (Which wad 100% true)
    =》 why exNARC does not come and f*ck me when i suggest?.. s*x is always good
    He is not like other men wjo cannot reject this type of offers?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He is doing this to exert control and to try and extract fuel form you. He has probably worked out what you are doing as well.

    2. MLA - Clarece says:

      I think at the end of the day, most guys do want to feel like they are getting an exclusive invite to engage in sex and not enter into a situation where it is presented like a revolving door on a Tinder app. This isn’t a stranger. Narc or not, be alluring, not crass.

      1. Yo says:

        Ex NARC doesnot worthwhile any good treatment, no sense to be alluring with him. He is just penis, a good quality one.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Well…at this point, I don’t think any of us should have to settle for just a good quality penis. Raise your benchmark!!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Stop objectifying us, I would never do that to you.

  24. Yo says:

    About #3, e.g. dancing while listening a specific song etc:
    I do agree the suggested solution (avoid this music at any cost) is good for the 1st months of recovery.
    But… on the 2nd or 3d stage of recovery, we do need to listen these songs, go to trips to the same cities, restaurants….AND to GAIN them for OURSELF.
    =》 since now this is mine piece of music, spirit of the city, chair in tye restaurant.
    It belongs to me, not to “those” moments with the defective person.

    I can tell u: i have done a lot: i won back the restaurant, the city where we travelled.

    I ve done a good job.

    What i didnt expect is another trigger, just happened with me 2 days ago: while i was in a “relationship” with NARC, exactly a year ago i went for sailing by myself.
    And after that he started silence treatment for 1 month (it was 1 year ago).

    Suddenly, i landed back from sailing and these 2 days all that “shit” came back: suddenly i remembered how he went to see his “sister: or “brother” (ehich he does not have in this city)… and by saying me that, he ernt to meet girls znd f*ck them

    All this pity and sadness came to me.

    So funny: for events 1 year ago, which does not have any connection with my current life.. a person who f*cked others whole i trusted him…

    Can still make me feel pain, because i trusted and he did “forbidden” things…

    BUT i will GAIN back this sailing trips as well.
    They will become mine. My territory.
    Same as i did with other things.

    The only thing i still cannot overcome, is the song” love me to the end of love”…. this song he put 10 0000 times after he eas back after silence treatment. I hated it in those days. And still cannot feel this song as MY territory.

    How could i ” gain ” this song as well? To make it mine, not related to that terrible experience with that non human being..?

  25. Viktoria says:

    hipotetski, sto bi se desilo da moras mjesec dana zivjeti sam(npr. na nekom golom otoku) bez ikakve interakcije sa ljudima, bez ikakvog eksternog izvora ” dopune”?
    Unaprijed zahvaljujem na odgovoru

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My fuel levels would reduce to a point where the construct would presumably come crashing down. I would become depressed, listless, potentially suicidal as the true horror became unmasked to me and the creature was allowed to escape its prison. I potentially may suffer psychotic episodes also. There may be other occurrences too which I am unaware about since I have not had this happen. I have witnessed similar in others of my kind albeit not for as long a period as that. I am proposing to do it for a week (or shorter dependent on time constraints and how it affects me) and the to write about the experience.

      1. So it is possible that this is what my ex is doing to himself then? I know he has his “friend” for fuel but he has lost an extreme amount of weight, claims he can’t sleep and claims he will wait for me forever. I know he cannot wait forever and will eventually find a new fuel source but I can’t help to think that he is destroying himself.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They word is “claims”. Today’s article should provide the answers DC.

          1. Yes, you are always on top of it! Thank you HG.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Pleasure DC.

      2. Ah Oh says:

        What? A psychotic episode? This hurt me. I know you do not understand what I am feeling but for this I am sorry. I have seen first hand how my sister-in-law suffers from a psychotic episode.
        Will you be with the good doctors when you try this experiment?
        I am at a loss for words.
        Maybe you should just not go there. What if you do not come back.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          We have not yet decided precisely how this might pan out. I suppose not coming back might be a risk, I shall have to discuss with the good doctors.

      3. Yo says:

        Pls HG, do try. And share with us ur “non-fuel diary, day 1…day2..”

        Before starting u need to create a list of KPI-s, which u r gonna measure/describe in ur journey of going “no fuel”.

        P.s. if it s ur last journey, we will remember u, as a X??X (every body chooses for her/himself).
        Dont worry 😉

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is a potential project Yo,absolutely. Thank you for the suggestionof KPIs, I have that covered.

      4. Ah Oh says:

        Do you want this? It ‘d be wonderful if you can rewire your thinking. Develop habits that do this. I did it. I do feel sometimes I am a flickering Neon light, buzz and all, trying to move between being bright or ceasing to be all at.

        I am a work in progress. You are too.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No I do not want to feel that way but for the purposes of exploring my condition and relaying it to those who want to know, I will do so.

  26. I am tiring of the hoover… +

    I had to block the Proxy hoover (which I like very much, she is an innocent bi-standard)

    I’ve had enough of the letterbox hoover… I don’t even need him for that, we did practically everything together.

    I rather enjoyed the Psychic Connection hoover…. that was slick of him.

    The Silent Hoover gets on my nerves… we have smart phones now, you know who you are texting. :/

    The only one I haven’t seen yet is the reverse hoover.

    BUT if you would like examples that would correlate with the “Prove Yourself Hoover” I have plenty of texts from ALL YESTERDAY. (a few months worth really) I can tell you that it was hard not to respond after my initial do not bother me anymore. This is the one I have the hardest time with. I always wanted to prove I wasn’t doing as he would think… he knows he’s got me here and it is tough.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thanks for sharing that DC.

      1. You are always welcome HG, thank you for your posts which elicit my responses.

    2. Snow White says:

      Hello DC,
      What was your psychic one like?

      1. I like to drive down south, towards San Diego, CA… there are a lot of back roads and pretty scenic areas. There are also some shops and stuff of interest BUT these places are about 2hrs away from where I live. Anyhow, one Sunday a few weeks ago, I was leaving one of these locations and he popped up at my window. :/ Now, I am not a firm believer of these astrological, it’s a sign type thing. It is fun to play around but I won’t rely on that kind of stuff in real life. Anyways, he swears up and down he didn’t know I was there and of course played on it saying it was a sign. :/

        1. Snow White says:

          Mmmmmmm… Had he been to those places with you before? Is that who you have the restraining order on?
          I love astrology and psychics but just for the fun like you. 🌞🌙⭐️

          1. Yes he has been to those places with me before… I just figured two hours out of the way….what are the odds?
            Anything locally I would really risk running into him. I did find a nice spot close by though 🙂

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