20 Cries From the Victim


We do not think of ourselves as victims, to do so would be weak and we are not weak. You are. We are better than you. We do however feel put upon, hard done by and persecuted and it is you that does these things in order to victimise us. Evidencing our legendary double standards, we do not consider ourselves as victims as this does not accord with our sense of superiority, but we like to portray a victim mentality because doing so serves our purposes. There are many things that we say which evidence this mentality and when you hear them you should know that we are looking for you to respond. We want reassurance, praise, an admission of fault from you, confirmation that we are brilliant, an apology and for you to do what we want you to do. Playing the victim card allows us to gain fuel from sympathy and compassion, assistance when we do not want to do something, absolution from responsibility and preventing you from doing something we do not want you to do. Here are twenty cries of apparent victimhood.

  1. You make my life so difficult.
  2. Why are you treating me like this?
  3. You never try to understand me,
  4. What about me?
  5. What am I going to do now?
  6. How’s that supposed to make me feel?
  7. You are meant to look after me.
  8. It’s not my fault.
  9. I can’t help the way I am.
  10. Why must you be so difficult with me over this?
  11. You never listen to me.
  12. You always make it about you, never about me.
  13. You never do what I want.
  14. You don’t love me like you should.
  15. You never do what I want.
  16. You never let me speak.
  17. You always treat me like a fool.
  18. You are the reason for all of my problems.
  19. You are trying to ruin my life.
  20. Why do you do this to me?

Watch out for these comments from our kind because they are the foreshadowing of further manipulation of you.


60 thoughts on “20 Cries From the Victim”

  1. I suppose you never do what I want is a big one for you since you have repeated it.

    “I can’t help the way that I am” is a repetitive BS one. If you recognize the er of your ways than you are perfectly capable of fixing it… You should just say, I like the way I am and I don’t want to change. 😉

    Just like I can’t help being so sexy… why would I even want to change that? 😛 HA HA HA, I couldn’t resist.

      1. Thank you! 🙂 I only wear heels to go out or I do love them to clean house(you know, break them in). I am lucky for work though, I get to wear jeans and tennis shoes but I do miss dressing up for work :(.

      2. Trust me on this. I do not blow my own horn often but on this I do. I am at the gym, just finished my workout. Deadlifted 75 lbs. ugh. To keep our ass high and tight! A girl just called me sexy mama. So I am going with what she said.

        Sent from my iPhone


      3. Oh a gym bunny eh? Nice… there are many things in this world that I find appealing but most importantly I do enjoy staring at my body in the mirror… I’d definitely ravish myself!

      4. I do not stare, it is impolite. I know I am much older (so I am told by the ones who sighed my birth certificate) then most on the blog but I will stand next to anyone at any age. I am a snow bunny and a gym rat. I am a bad ass woman with soft curves and a persona that will let you know I am in the room. I do turn heads, not because of my looks but because I demand it. Come to Vegas and see.

        Just playing. I am a little mouse shaking by the corner counting the flowers on the wall. >

      5. Hello AH OH,
        I am going to be living through you until I make it back to the gym. I miss it sooo much. I was there 6 days a week and met very nice people. I enjoyed it. I will never be able to return to the one I belonged to since my ex is the manager of one and I am sure I am smeared at every location. I did find another one to join but I just can’t bring myself to walking in one yet. Way too many triggers. My goal is to be able to walk into one January 2017. I bet you look and feel fabulous!!!!

      6. I belong to a private club so no worries about randoms. The down side is I see the same people always. Most are married. It is a golf club social club.

        Sent from my iPhone


      7. I am in the gym five days a week. I use to jog too but I am no longer advised to do so. I also use to ski very often, I had to take off a season but will be up making turns this season. A bit nervous after hearing, the metal will not give so it will be your femur so make sure you do not fall. UGH. I will be the ultimate snow bunny on freshly groomed runs first thing in the morning.

      8. Oh, I do love to ski. The snow out here is terrible though, nothing like in Colorado.
        I myself enjoy Pilates, some weights and now integrating yoga and of course turning my music up to dance while I cook, clean or just pretend I am on stage with my own concert! 🙂
        I do jog a little but mostly walk, I have to be careful with cardio though, for being 5’9″ I get waaaaaay too skinny and look anorexic, so I am told.

        Keep with it girly, and you will be the ultimate snow bunny again! <3

      9. My bad! peasant stock. lol I was sitting at a stop light, in the car. But I am a pheasant too.

        Sent from my iPhone


      10. Oh I doubt that… I am sure you are stacked with muscles… but sexy.
        I am curvalicious! LOL <– sorry thats all I got…seeing is believing! 😉

      11. I can definitely out run him, tennis shoes or not BUT he has left that fear of him always watching me in my mind. I guess it really isn’t fear, I just do not want some OJ Simpson jealousy crap… I am so extremely tired of the fight to let go.
        I have needs and he can’t continue to control what I do with MY life.

  2. Sir Tudor, while coincidence is possible, this could be in response to my very cleverly, thought out long message in response to “The Good, The Bad” post where I stated that your need for us shows that you aren’t superior to us, or you wouldn’t need us. It wasn’t an affront to you, only my observations. I do hope you post it as there were a lot of ideas in it.
    And how on earth do you keep up with all these writings, if working a full time job and have your dailances with all your ladies? And your Facebook page I glanced at a few days ago. People here are a lot nicer to you. More to be learned here, due to the comments, as your posts are the same.

    1. Oh I shall be posting it Question/Exclamation Mark, don’t worry about that. I haven’t read it yet as there are quite a number of posts in moderation but it will appear. I do not sleep much so my writing is usually done for 2-3 hours late at night. I tackle the queries an an ad hoc basis throughout the day entwined with my work and fuel gathering. I do have periods where messages pile up and I blitz them. I am rather good at delegation so I can get my associates running around for me at work whilst I tackle some blog queries and then claim the credit for the work they do.
      Yes I do not comment as much publically on the FB page, although I do answer most queries that are asked on the page itself. I also deal with the private FB messages but there is something of a queue there at present, but I get round to them. You are correct, people are more respectful here than on the public FB page. i find it interesting as there is anonymity here. On the FB page i would say 60% are appreciative and relay their own experience in a thoughtful way, the other 30% explain how horrible their situation is and/or how all narcs are bastards and 10% (maybe less) want to bait me. They never seem to realise they are just giving me fuel and I let them get on with it until such time as their comments are getting in the way of what other people are commenting about. On the blog people approach the topic in a far more considered manner. I have no idea why it has panned out that way.

      1. Is the lack of need for sleep related to your sociopathy? In my experience, the more significant the personality disorder, the less need for sleep.
        I’m sorry you don’t rest much. To me, its indicative of a tortured soul 😔

      2. It is related to my triple tracking and whirring mind Love. Is that state of mind related to my sociopathy? The current view is yes.

      3. Its bc fb is still where people live in their phony bologna fantasy world and…oh my someone might see the real you!! Here…it’s real and you, HG keep it real and always have. Tough love and honesty despite how bitter the pill is to swallow.

        On a Seperate note, I tried to Kindle download Sex and the Narcessist and nothing came up. ..not on Kindle yet?

  3. Reassurance that I loved her
    Reassurance that I missed her
    Reassurance that she wasn’t ruining my life
    Reassurance that I wanted to go out
    Reassurance that I wanted to see her
    Reassurance that I was thinking of her
    Reassurance that we were soulmates
    Reassurance that I wouldn’t leave her
    On and on
    I don’t miss any of that. It was exhausting.

  4. Im very grateful for finding your site. I spent 4.5 years with a narc. I literally lost everything… it wasn’t until he managed to get my daughter taken from me that I finally quit living in denial. It makes me sick to think he actually had the nerve to tell me…( I ended up living in a domestic violence shelter) I owe him an APOLOGY??? How can he be the victim? HG… please help me to understand. I have so much shame and guilt for what has happened to my ten year old daughter. Thanks for any insight you might be able to offer.

    1. Hello Gooey and welcome on board. The victim mentality is prevalent amongst our kind. Some are Victim Narcissists who are perpetual victims who seek out a target to basically mother and care for them. It is not clear if you are dealing with a VN from what your write. Irrespective of that, all of our kind adopt a victim mentality when it suits us and we deploy Pity Plays. Why do we do this?
      1. The world is a hostile place. People are against us. They wish to cause us harm by refusing to do what we want, provide us with fuel and submit to our demands. This causes wariness and paranoia. This fuels the victim mentality.
      2. Playing the victim allows us to gain fuel from others.
      3. It also allows us to bolster our sense of entitlement “I should receive an apology because I deserve one for what you have done.”
      4. It allows us to blame-shift “You can’t blame me, I am the one who is hurt by you.”
      5. It allows us to exert control because you are confused by us playing the victim.
      6. We look at the world from a different perspective to you. This is one of the hardest things for you to understand. In your world he should be apologising to you because he hit you. In his world, you should apologise for making him hit you because YOU did not do what was required of you, for example, give him fuel which is very important to him. He invariably won’t know the reason why he reacts like this, which means you never receive an explanation which makes any sense to you, but from our perspective it makes perfect sense.

    2. Awe Gooey, I am sorry for the pain you are in, the important thing is that you woke up like many of us! It is okay to feel the guilt and shame BUT do not let it define you! The best way to move forward with your daughter is to start healing and mending the broken pieces! I do not know your back story but in a sense I can relate to your pain. (((hugs))) No one should have to go through hell and back for love and I hope that you find the answers you seek here! <3

      1. Hello HG. well I have forgotten many but here some that stayed.
        1. You are nothing without me
        2. You do all wrong
        3. You can do nothing right
        4. ( shaking head) typical you
        5. ( SH) typical your mother
        6. This is because you grew up with nannies
        7. This is why your country is a third world country so much lack of structure
        8. You have no idea about anything
        9. WSomebody was not using her head
        10. if you need to think out loud then do so
        11. My time is more valuable than yours

    1. It is not offensive when you don’t take it personal.
      My narc would insult me for no reason (so thought I, now I am enlightned thanks to Mister Tudor) and threw a massive tantrum then looked me in the eye with an angel face as I was scared to Death and asked me: what is wrong, baby girl?
      You should be used to it as you were born among garbage. (I was born in Brazil)
      Jaw dropping!!!
      He knows my familiy is very well situated though! So he wasnt being logical.. how could he anyway? He is a narc 😅
      And for myself, from that point I couldnt help but give him something of his own medicine.
      He is a heavy drinker and is of russian heritage.
      -When He was drinking: “there you go… back to your useless roots, huh? But it isnt your fault since its in your genes”.
      -When He was screaming at me for no reason: “yeah, russian people Just cant argue properly. is it because of the alcohol abuse or because u all have some kind of tourette-syndrom due to the fact your parents are siblings since you were all born in a village?”

  5. *You didn’t let me finish my Rant!!*

    (Why, because after 20 full freakin’ minutes you sounded like the insane village idiot?

    Yes, pleease, move to Venezuela…now!! Good luck with that toilet paper & a little food, too!)

    The ideal woman f or a narc?

    A deaf, dumb, & blind blonde retriever who also owns a liquor store, pot farm, and/or pharmacy….

    Too bad she’s got four legs instead of two, poor dear animal! Run away, girl, & find a home that Loves & cherishes you! ♡

    1. I can’t go backwards…

      It seems we all go through a stage of anger after we leave or are left by a narc. You look back at the things they say and think WHAT THE HELL. Do they know me? Who the hell were they talking about? Such ignorance…
      Know your worth! <3 That is the most important thing!

  6. Dragon, thanks —

    Just was stunned at such behavior like that existing out there, like watching a train wreck.

    I’d never seen anything like it & certainly don’t plan to encounter it ever again.

  7. I can’t, I did the same thing. It was a shock to the system because I couldn’t believe that someone could be so loving but not really love. It made my head spin for a bit…

  8. You are much better than these statements, so I hope you don’t use any variation of them…and I hope the next time you want to, you remember you are better than that.


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