The Crying Game – Part Three

Hitherto I have mentioned how I have learned to mimic the expressions of upset and pain in order to force tears to flow for the purposes of drawing sympathy and getting my own way. I have witnessed the tears that appear as a consequence of pride, admittedly an alien sensation to me and it is whilst I raise this point that I turn to another aspect where tears are seen. Joy.

The earliest time that I remember seeing tears of joy was when I was at university. One of my girlfriends at that time was a young lady called Trish. It was during the early stage of my seduction of Trish that her birthday arrived. I think we had been seeing one another for a couple of months and along came her birthday. I was keen to impress and ensure that the delightful and vivacious Trish remained bonded to me. Back then I did not know that she gave me fuel, I only knew that she was kind and attentive and that I relished being with her because she looked at me with her round blue eyes as if nobody else in the world mattered to her. It was always an edifying experience.

I purchased a beautiful silver necklace, set with a delicate arrangement of small diamonds around a larger sapphire, which reminded me of her eyes, from Tiffany and Co. I knew this would impress her. Elegant, expensive and scintillating. She could not fail to be delighted with this gift. On the evening of her birthday I took her to dinner in one of the university city’s restaurants. Just her and I. I wanted her undivided attention on this special day. Since what I came to now as the golden period remained intact there was no need to upstage her on her birthday or cause her to be upset by forgetting about it as I have done with so many others since. I can still picture her sat across the table from me, by the window, her sky blue dress and her slender shoulders on display, shoulders that I would always kiss tenderly and cause her to tremble in anticipation. Her eyes shone with excitement as she knew a gift awaited her and I felt her excitement as it flowed over me, it was especially edifying. I had arranged for the waiter to bring the gift over once we had finished our meal and I watched him approach from the corner of my eye as I continued to look at Trisha, both of us smiling. The waiter placed the green-blue box with the white ribbon in front of Trish and she pulled at the ribbon, letting it fall as she lifted the lid on the box and then looked at the contents with her mouth falling open. She lifted the necklace from the box as it glinted and it was then that I saw her eyes were welling with tears. Her mouth was still open, caught between a gasp and wanting to say something but her eyes were filled with tears. I watched as she stared at the jewellery, the sapphire spinning and flashing as it caught the various lights, both candle and electric in the restaurant.

“Don’t you like it?” I asked puzzled at her reaction. A tear trickled down her cheek.

“Oh HG, I love it, it is so beautiful. Thank you, thank you so much. It is the best gift that I have ever received.”

“Why are you crying then?” I asked perplexed. Her words seemed genuine to me, laden with appreciation and thanks, but the appearance of tears cast some doubt on this. It was important to me to ensure that she was delighted and thrilled with the gift that I had purchased for her.

“Because I am so pleased with what you have given me, I’m not upset,” she said smiling as she gave a short self-deprecating laugh and brushed the tear away although it was soon replaced by another.

“These are tears of joy, happiness, I am so overwhelmed,” she explained.

I remember the surge that arose as she told me this. I had heard of people crying tears of happiness but I had never seen it. I was naturally pleased that she was so delighted with my gift but what I remember most about that evening was the effect on me. Once it was confirmed that these were indeed tears of joy, the sensation that shot through me was immense. I had made someone cry because they were so happy, so joyous and so delighted. I had only ever previously seen the tears that came from pain, misery, upset and chastisement and this was something new.

“You like it then?” I asked.

“I love it. Oh I love it so much, you are a wonderful boyfriend, thank you,” she gushed, effusive in her delight.

That moment, when I first witnessed tears of joy has always remained with me. Not only because of how it made me feel, how powerful and invigorated I felt that I had made someone cry in circumstances which I had never witnessed before. New ground was broken that evening. It also, however stayed with me because I have never shed tears of joy myself. Indeed, I often got Trisha to recount to me how she actually felt as she opened the box and looked on the gift. She articulated the sensations which washed over her, a sense of amazement, disbelief at first and then a warmth which spread across her.

“It was as if an angel had touched my heart,” she explained, “and I just felt really happy, really delighted at how the person I love the most had chosen something so special for me. It made me feel wanted, special but above all I felt elevated, you know, as if I had been lifted up.”

“Did you feel powerful?” I asked her.

“No, not that, just excited, with a jittery sensation in my stomach but not from nervousness but from being so happy and pleased.”

Ever since then when I achieved my superlative examination results, when I received various job offers, when I have been promoted or a recipient of industry awards or accolades I have never felt the joyous sensation that Trish spoke of. Indeed, I recall when a job offer arrived through the post I read it and did not feel anything as I read the words offering me the position, couched as they were in a straight-forward and business-like manner. The only thing I felt was the sense of anticipation at the reaction of my then girlfriend when I telephoned her to tell the good news. It was her response that I was looking forward to which made me actually feel something. When she squealed down the phone and congratulated me, it was then that I felt the familiar power surge as my achievement was recognised. I was not able to feel that as I read the emotion free letter on my own, I needed the interface with another.

Thus when I have stood on a stage and accepted an award after being voted number one in my industry and the generous applause is ringing in my ears and I shake the hands of the representatives of the award sponsors and smile at their “congratulations”, “well dones” and “thoroughly deserveds” I have felt that familiar surge of power, but nothing akin to what Trish described for me. There is no joy. There are no tears of joy.

I revel in bringing forth those tears of joy for other people during my seduction of them. Indeed, I must always try to achieve this because the power that arises from knowing I have achieved this is considerable. To move someone to tears as a consequence of happiness is power indeed. It still fascinates me. Whilst I of course draw fuel from the tears of upset and frustration and they are potent indeed, they do not hold the same fascination for me as witnessing those tears of joy. I saw tears of sadness and upset many times in the past and understood how to bring that forth, but the experience of seeing those tears of joy was quite the revelation to me and all the more fascinating because I am able to cause something in others that I can never feel for myself. Such is the twisted nature of the power that I wield.


75 thoughts on “The Crying Game – Part Three”

  1. This is still beautiful, regardless if you are receiving a feeling of love or just a feeling from her joyous tears. You are feeling and you are desiring that feeling… This only proves my point that it is possible to live unknowingly in a relationship with out “true love” because it is all just a feeling! What you feel, what we feel! Only Boston must know that it is “More than a Feeling”.

  2. Then why wouldn’t you want to bring tears of joy instead of pain?
    I do not have tears of joy with jewelry, nor do I have to give bj’s to get jewelry. Buy me a house on Maui; I jump like a puppy. Buy me a place in a ski resort I jump like a puppy. No bj’s for this either. A new car? Why yes honey get one. My ex-husband ruined me.

      1. When I read this in one of your books it made a lightbulb go off for me. You explained in well. I completely understood why she loved my tears of hurt, pain, and frustration. She realized that it took a lot for me to get mad or jealous. So when I responded with my words “I have had it up to here with you today”, ” You hurt me” combined with my tears she must have felt extremely powerful because SHE got that reaction out of me.

      2. Hello HG, did you study your sisters’ tears. I’m sure she had the most in your household.

  3. Wow, how peculiar. You weren’t sure if she is happy or sad, just because you’ve seen tears. The more I read the stronger my theory grows.

  4. I have cried tears of joy . I watched a wedding happen while I was on a cruise to Mexico . I tested up because I thought soon that bride was going to be me with my ex and I was going to marry the love of my life ….. Little did I know while on my cruise back home in Georgia my ex was having sex with a girl he met on Facebook and then started seeing behind my back . It is an amazing experience . I know now though that since after the break up I shall never again feel that . My joyful tears shall never again appear because I’m miserable every single day of my existence now thanks to my ex .

  5. HG this is very heart warming, what you shared with us. Although you may not feel love towards others you did indeed feel the love she had for you. That feeling you had when you saw her happy tears is exactly what love feels like when you give it genuinely. You felt a form of love in your heart and I truely believe that.

  6. If Dr. O & Dr. E could find a way to assist you in experiencing the sensation of happiness and joy, would you want to try?
    Counter buried memories of hurt and betrayal which never made you feel safe with your first and foremost caretaker. Replace with introducing sensations that can create safety, enjoyment and connection? You don’t ever feel safety in longevity with anyone on an intimate level because you identify yourself as a machine. It could still make you feel thrilled and powerful making someone else cry tears of happiness, but it doesn’t have to be this foreign mystery to you. Just maybe?

    1. If it presented no risk to me I would be willing to see how that panned out yes. I am a curious individual (meaning I take an interest in things before you get smart) and would be interested to understand more, so long as I suffered no detriment.

      1. Firstly, adding the sensation of feeling happiness cannot possibly add any detriment. Lastly…before I get “smart” about you being curious? Who me?

      2. Including the price of not feeling “happiness”. Very steep price to not take the risk as well…

      3. Oh, round two, eh? **sly smile**
        Would you like a head start? **evil laugh**

        Where’s MLA? (I need ya, girl! He’s gonna kick my booty.)

      4. It gets a rub from my dark heart so it is stone cold before being polished by my baleful glare so it is especially icy. Best pop those winter warmers on now.

      5. **Nice, I like the visual** (momentary ADHD) ….where was I….oh yes….
        I grew up in the deep snow drifts of Vermont where we drove cars down our rivers in January in shorts. Bring it, Ice King! **as she puts on her fluffy mittens with a chuckle**

        Weren’t we playing pool? Nice diversion, BTW, I see you!

      6. Packing the perrrrrrfect snowball…..hiding in my snow fort.
        ***Looks around****you have created a beautiful cold world, here, I must admit. Tree limbs covered in lovely crystal.

      7. HG Tudor,
        Heart stealin looter
        Got that hot image so cavalier
        You want to get in my underwear?
        Educator, big thrills player
        Wants ta do you in an elevator
        Can’t get to him cuz he’s too far away
        But if I did I know he’d make the play
        Prentender at its finest, make me want some bliss,
        Gettin with hims at the top of my list.
        He’s like Aladdin or old St. Nick,
        Got all the ladies fighting over his dick.
        Took the name Tudor from a king
        Loaded up girls with lotsa bling.
        He’ll tell you that he want you, look in the mirror,
        My advice to u is ya better steer clearer.
        I know what he’s like though can’t help myself, he’s so attractive and comes from wealth.
        Claims he’s evil in disguise, I’m sure we can reach a compromise.
        I’ll show u mine if you show me yours,
        Stay up all night cause his sex ain’t a bore.
        Read his works, got me all fired up, I’m FTW let’s get hooked up.

        Approval Sir?

      8. I love banter, FTW. And, I am sure you could bring it!
        Archbishop of Banterbury….***gives some side eye***
        ***nods to FTW with an evil smile****

      9. Somehow I see this only as us making an HG sandwich. How is that anything but a win / win for him? Lolll

  7. I do not know if this is not typical though I have never had tears of joy. One of my exes said I never cried and it fascinated him. I do cry, especially deep sadness, though usually when alone or overwhelmed and feel safe to cry. Crying wasn’t allowed in my family, a more unspoken rule than your home, HG. Similar with anger, we’d be punk she’d for it. Lately, over the past several years, I have gotten better at expressing these two emotions openly. They were not absent in me, just hidden with other emotions layered over them. Once I expressed them more in a healthy manner, my major depression improved.

    The article you wrote on tears several months ago on how it was alien to you, water squirting from eyes, reminded me of Sheldon on Big Bang Theory and how he relates to certain emotions. Distanced and alien with a sense of almost scientific curiosity. Enjoyed reading this story, as I could feel her joy through your description. A precious moment.

  8. I find it fascinating that you truly believe you wield some power when you have revealed you are unable to feel an emotion unless it is seen through another person’s eyes.
    Your need to impress people and receive their validation to feel anything and then delude yourself that you hold the power saddens me.

    1. Hello FMO, I do feel certain emotions, mainly negative ones, the positive ones and emotions such as sadness, guilt, remorse and such like are alien to me. I do wield power over people as I cause them to give their emotions to me, do things for me and a host of other things. I don’t need their validation to feel anything, I feel certain things already – hate, jealously, fury – but I do need their validation through their emotions to feel power.

  9. Ahhhh dear G….. I remember this post from one of Your books… I’ve imagined the whole situation and it was sooo romantic. You are quiet a charmer xxx
    I’ve read Ensnared and I still can’t believe my eyes… after reading that I should run a mile from You… being warned and thought by You in Your books, blog and in private doesn’t scare me! 🙂 xxx

  10. HG do you think this was the case since you were born?
    After being with a narcissist and looking at his interior – which to me looked like no character had ever inhibited the dark space – I was confused as to whether a traumatic event has caused that person to be “thrown away” in favour of joining the predator at the time of neglect or abuse, or whether it never existed?

  11. HG Tudor

    God the Father loves you more than any flawed weak imperfect human ever can.

    His love is merciful, compassionate and forgiving

    God Bless you
    Praying for you

    Pater noster qui es in coelis,
    sanctificetur nomen tuum;
    adveniat regnum tuum,
    fiat voluntas tua,
    sicut in coelo et in terra.
    Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie,
    et dimitte nobis debita nostra,
    sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris.
    et ne nos inducas in tentationem
    sed libera nos a malo.

    1. You should be praying for us all as we are now possessed by HG.
      I am his happy little minion and I handed my soul over to him when I signed on the dotted line with my blood.

  12. I have loved the crying series. Your personal stories that you bring to us are appreciated. Beautiful writing HG.
    It facinates me how you had to learn to differentiate what the meanings were behind all the tears. My tears flow for all reasons. Sometimes I wish I could be a little less emotional.
    It reminds me how my son has learned emotions. All through mimicking what he has seen on TV. He doesn’t feel them.

    1. Sw, I’m also that way! I can cry over everything!! Happy, Sad, it doesn’t matter! I can’t stop them either!! If I think I’ve disappointed someone I love I beat myself up more then they ever could!! HG, I also feel very sad that you have never been able to feel the tears of pure happiness, joy and love!! Yes I feel hurt and sadness but it could never measure up to the tears I’ve spilled for a very important person in my life that I love and brings me such happiness I would not trade that for the world!! Xxxx

      1. Hi FM,
        Some of the most emotional tears are used for feeling someone else’s joys and pains. If I can see it in someone else’s face I feel it and immediately can cry for them.
        The makeup industry has profited from my tears that I have shed in the past three years. Lol
        That makes me happy to hear that you have someone special in your life and that you only suffered some bruises last night. ❤️🍎

  13. Interesting…. I didn’t see my ex cry much at all in 10 years. If I cried he was mad at me for being weak! When a relative died, he couldn’t understand why I was crying over that person. Once he cried at the end of a romance movie. I though that was sweet… he probably was manipulating me…

  14. HG,

    Awwww….this was a sweet post – if I had to proffer, the first way you are going to have to relate with joy and happiness is through tears… <3

    I am not a cryer in all truth when it comes to my own emotions – I can watch a sad movie or see someone in pain and cry. I had tears of joy once…the emotion was related to a deep pain that I fought against…everyone told me I was wrong but I believed what I believed and didn't give up but was beaten almost to the point of extinction…but it turned out I was not wrong and when the day came that proved that, I cried with joy. It was the ending of a deep seated conflict between what I was told to be true to what I believed could be true.

  15. I would have to admit that if I got expensive jewelry or high end sexy lingerie from a man: the joyful tear floodgates would instantly open up and there will be a new river in the south.
    No one has given me a decent gift since the break up with my non-narc ex-fiancé.

    The narc failed miserably at seducing me with a gift.

    HG, give me a ring if you ever find yourself across the pond in need for good quality fuel while at the Tiffany store. I can provide genuine certified joyful tears. No strings attached. Lol
    ***I am just joking.
    Reading this article reminded me when I learnt about Asperger’s Syndrome after reading the book “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time”.
    Worry not, I do know the differences between NPD and Autism spectrum.

    1. Yep, I was reminded of an autism spectrum disorder (Asperger’s) as well. My comment is in moderation. Glad I wasn’t the only one 🙂

      1. Indy, thank you for recommending the videos on an earlier post. Already watched two out of the three you suggested. Very helpful!

      2. Hi BW,

        My memory is so-so these days LOL, videos? Were they websites for information on trauma treatment that I posted? Not sure if it was me, but cool! I am glad they helped!

        Hope you are well 🙂

  16. Yes HG, the risk of true happiness no matter who you are with is going to come with some pain at some point. Most of us here know that and we know the super extreme end of it bc if our narc experiences. The funny thing is the people that hurt us the most are the ones that run away and the people who are hurt the most are the ones that keep coming back for more.

    I’m proud of every last tear I’ve cried (happy and sad) and most were not from anything materialist. Something DN is obsessed with and could never understand that unconditional love (and purhaps a 20 minute backrub) would have meant more than any of the materialistic jewelry or crap that he bought me even after I asked him not to (legitimately not in the…don’t but please do tone).

      1. Fun, enquiring, empathic, patient, receptive – to name a handful. Anymore and you might become conceited and we cannot have that!

      2. Awww, an honor to receive such kind words from you, Mr. Tudor! I feel my naughty-step warming. I will put my hat and ear-muffs on so my head doesn’t swell too much. 🙂

  17. Hope this is not too late to get an answer HG. Meaning I just reread this post from awhile ago and now I have a question.
    The ex, in his desperation with the last hoover, turned on the tears, in a bar, to the point that they thought he was having a breakdown. “I just love her sooo much” blah blah blah. Surely he couldnt be that good of an actor to have people fooled, especially in public??? I told them it was crocodile tears….they were amazed. He has shown me tears in the past to get sympathy (turns my stomache!) so I know he can fake them. Would the need for fuel be so great that he would (what I consider) embarrass himself to such a degree? At the time also, he was trying to get some more minions on his side, so I would be banned from that pub because his advances werent working, (my punishment no doubt)……didnt work thankfully.
    Thanks in advance.

    1. Hello Lisa, not at all. Yes he would do this in order to garner sympathetic fuel. All is as the fuel dictates it to be Lisa. We will do anything that ensures we achieve our aims and fuel is at the foremost of those. Now, not all of our kind would turn on the waterworks, I certainly don’t, I would use charm or malevolence to get what I want, but many of our kind, especially the Mid-Rangers would give it the crocodile tears, woe is me and so forth.

      1. I only saw mine cry one time and it totally blew me away because he never shows any kind of emotion other than being an ass of course. We were hanging out at his house listening to music and watching him play on his phone. I started getting agitated as this is a big no no for me. So when he left the room to change the music I got my phone out thinking I would give him a piece of his own medicine. I noticed I had a missed call from a guy friend of mine, also a big no no. So I decided to shoot him a text knowing he would text back. That would make him wonder, right. As I expected he texted back and I was questioned “Who is that your sister?” I just shrugged it off and didn’t look at the text. Since I didn’t text my friend back he decided to call me. Well I’m not very smooth because when he called his picture popped up and I couldn’t figure out how to get it to stop ringing! I only made it that more obvious by frantically trying to reject the call and make it stop. Needless to say he grabbed my phone and took it apon himself to call my friend back. Asked what the hell he wanted, told him I was busy and not to ever call me again, called him a few names, then hung up on him. Then it was my turn. Pretty sure I was called every name in the book, was told how worthless I was, and how I will never have what it takes to be his woman. I told him that he had no right to be mad and that I don’t even know what I am to him so if I’m single then don’t be suprised if I act as such. I then told him that he has treated me like shit since day one. This was the first time I stood up to him and got angry. That’s when the tears came as he said “Well incase you haven’t noticed I don’t care about anything in life right now” Then he went on to say that all he does is work. He doesn’t talk to anyone and just plays his pool game on his phone and all the free time he has he gives to me. This was the one and only time I felt he might actually care about me. I did tell him that what I did was on purpose and that I was sorry I had to go to such extremes to prove a point. I also told him that seeing him hurt like that hurt me way more than any words he threw at me. He did apologize for the hateful words and admitted it was wrong and childish, first and only time for that as well. Of course I was handed a very long silent treatment after that and he has been punishing me every since. I’m still baffled by the tears. Not his style at all.

      2. Thanks HG. I imagined he was decompensating (think thats the right word), as his fuel would have been extremely low. The wounding he was getting from me came from left, right and centre. Win win for me, lose lose for him. I think he’s a Greater however….but…of course I could be wrong still.


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