Sins of the Empath : Honesty

sins-of-the-empath-2

The sins of the empath. These are the traits which are inherent to those who are of an empathic nature. You possess these traits; this is why you were picked by us. You may wonder why they are regarded as a sin? This is because in our view we consider them to be sins as we do not possess these traits. These traits are regarded, in your world, as laudable traits to have. These traits however make you vulnerable to us. They cause us to be attracted to you in the first instance and the existence of these characteristics means the they are ripe to to be exploited by us.These traits are good traits to have but because of us they become polluted, desecrated and exploited.

You cannot lose these traits. They are as much a part of you as your skin tone and eye colour. They define who you are. You may, unusually, try to rid yourself of them but you cannot. It would be like trying to rip out your own heart and still live. These traits are infused within you. For the most part you will be pleased you possess these characteristics, thankful that they assist you and define you, separate you from being one of us. You ought to be aware however of what these sins are so you know what it is that causes us to home in on you and furthermore how it is that we exploit these sins for our own benefit. With that knowledge you will be able to look to protect the relevant characteristic and ensure it remains intact and is not attacked, shredded or fed upon by us.

The first of these sins is the empathic sin of honesty. James E Faust said of honesty,

“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living and truth loving.”

This aptly demonstrates how honesty is at the core of how an empath behaves. You utilise this honesty in everything that you do. It governs how you interact with people, how you speak to people and most of all how you conduct your intimate relationships. I am not suggesting that this empathic trait makes you a saint; you will not be above pocketing the excess change if the cashier hands you back too much money or refraining from telling a friend that the outfit they think is wonderful does not really do them too many favours. Your honesty is tempered with discretion and being circumspect when you identify that a lighter touch is required. You understand when being too honest with another is not appropriate. Nevertheless, honesty is of huge importance to you. You regard it as a fundamental factor of your character to act with honesty, both in terms of those you deal with and especially in respect of yourself. This core of honesty and its repeated application to your every day outlook in life makes it ripe for exploitation by us.

The exploitation commences at the seduction. When you engage with people, you have a tendency to allow your emotions and traits to be seen by all. You do not hide the way you feel. You do not operate from behind a mask (not like others you may know of) nor from behind a curtain. You do not cloud your dealings and operate in a shadowy manner but rather you exhibit who you are from the outset. This is of no consequence when you are dealing with your fellow empaths or even the normals but it becomes especially dangerous when you come into out sights. Not only do we have a heightened ability to sense the traits which matter to us, you aid this because your honesty means that you have all your characteristics on display. Just like a proud shopkeeper displaying his wares in a pristine shop window, you exhibit (but you do not flaunt) your inherent traits for the world to see. This means that your empathic and class traits which are so important to us when we target our victims are out in the open because of your honesty. You have an honest default setting. It is akin to having no privacy settings on your social media so that whoever takes an interest in you can see everything about you, everything that you have ever posted, where you live, where you have been, your photographs and so forth. This default setting is important to us as it makes our task of identifying you so much easier. When you are demonstrating those empathic traits through your honesty, they are highlighted, prominent and readily identifiable. Accordingly, if you keep wondering why you always seem to attract our kind, it is because your honesty is causing you to stand out to us.

Your honesty means that you engage with people without an agenda, without suspicion and providing them with the benefit of the doubt. This honesty of approach means that you fall to see those red flags which are fluttering during the seduction and that you fail to hear the blaring klaxons and see the flashing red lights which signal that something is amiss. You operate in an honest way and this causes your thinking to be framed so that you expect and assume that the person you are dealing with is honest towards you. This honesty takes you into the territory of gullibility. Add to this that we are of course not being truthful with you in the way we engage during the seduction and you have little chance of avoiding what we are doing; seducing you and do so effectively.

The inherent honesty which you possess also means that you tell us how you feel and you will do so early in our interactions with you. Since we are engaged in love-bombing you at the outset it is nearly impossible to resist telling us how wonderful it feels and that you have fallen in love with us. Your early declarations in this regard are wanted and expected. Hearing this allows us, along with seeing the relevant indicators, to know that our seduction is proving successful and that you are being embedded. Gaining such knowledge is important for us in terms of ensuring that we have the level of fuel that we want but also in terms of allowing us to bind you closer to us, for instance by asking to borrow money or by moving in together. Your honesty results in your telling us what you are thinking and feeling, which in turn gives us the green lights we require.

Your honesty makes you transparent. You cannot hide anything from us and most importantly of all, you are unable to hide your feelings from us. Thus you will always struggle to hide you joy, your delight, your ecstasy, your pain, your tears, your annoyance and your agony from us. This emotional honesty is fundamental to why we engage with you. This means that the fuel you provide to us is purer that any which might come from another source. Yes, the “normals” will provide us with fuel through being happy to see us, through praising us or annoyed at being messed around by us. Even our own kind will provide fuel to another member of the brethren through exhibiting jealousy, annoyance or anger, but in both these cases there is an absence of emotional honesty which is prevalent with you as an empath. Your emotional honesty creates a fuel which is pure, free from toxins, devoid of pollutants. It is not masked, it has not been shrouded or clouded in some way, as is the case with normals and most certainly with our kind.

By being emotionally honest you ensure that your fuel is the best of all types and naturally this is why we are drawn to you, sink our teeth into you and start to drain you of all that sparkling and pure fuel.

Your honesty makes you a target to begin with, it makes you an easier target to latch onto and the reward of this pure fuel means we want to keep hold of you and keep returning to you to feed on it.

The matter does not of course end there. Your empathic sin of honesty generates further problems for you once the devaluation commences. We are dishonest. We are habitual liars, practitioners of deceit and operate through a skewed lens of fraudulent intent. When we engage in these dishonest practices it mortally offends your innate honesty with the consequence that you respond by providing yet more fuel. This offence to your honesty combined with your honesty drives you to want to make us see the lies that we so readily allow to fall from our deceitful mouths, to have us address our mendacity and recognise what we do. This only serves to bind you to us further.

The honesty you have with your self also means that you have a capacity to be introspective and the consequence of this is that you regularly self-flagellate by blaming yourself when you can find no other answer to our behaviour. The narcissistic perspective and our toxic logic, which are invariably a mystery to our victims means that you fail to understand why we do and say as we do. Your honesty causes you to look inwards and you blame yourself. This fulfils our desire to remain unaccountable and increases the weight of the burden of our engagement with you, upon you. Your honesty causes you to accept blame either where it does not lie with you or in a greater proportion that for which you are culpable.

Your honesty of dealings also prevents you often of speaking of the devaluing abuses outside of your relationship with us. At first, that may seem a contradiction, but you would feel dishonest if you spoke about them to others without informing us first of your intention to do so. You, by this stage, have learned that it is a safer course of action to suffer in silence rather than speak out to us and in turn you will not speak of what is happening to others, not until the pressure has become too great or more likely once you have been discarded by us.

The enduring love you experience for us, or more accurately, your addiction as a consequence of our infecting you, means that when those hoovers come post escape or discard, you are unable to shroud or hide how you truly feel and once more you light up like the brightest beacon. You signal to us that your love (addiction) remains and thus there is yet more fuel to gather and that you are so susceptible to our machinations to pull you back into our grasp once again, be that to extract fuel or to commence the Formal Relationship once again.

We know you are honest. It shines from you and we identify it from the way you conduct yourself and what you say when we target you at the outset. Not only is the identification of this trait confirmation that you possess one of the many traits that we look for, it also confirms that certain actions will succeed and certain responses will take place.

It is often stated that honesty is the best policy. It is certainly a policy that we endorse. It is one of the empath’s sins and with it comes the attention, exploitation and manipulation of our kind.

0
Advertisements

105 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Honesty”

  1. You’ll see your problems multiplied
    If you continually decide
    To faithfully pursue
    The policy of truth

    This Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by Depeche Mode.

    0
    1. Incorrect… this does not apply to the empath. We couldn’t be dishonest and feel good about it and we won’t regret our choice to be honest in the long run.

      Think about a bottle of soda, shake it until the plastic is so hard it is about to burst… that is how it feels to be untruthful. It is anxiety, it is painful, it is full of guilt….eating us up. It would be our demon if we chose that path.

      BUT, that is a fabulous song… 🙂

      1+
      1. I agree DC, I feel the guilt and anxiety that you talk about when being dishonest. I also feel nervous and remorse. I can remember feeling that way as a child and have always been that way. I didn’t want to get caught and in trouble. That stressed me out. And then the nuns would be after me. Lol

        0
      2. AH… the nuns. I remember being smacked on the hand by rulers just for starting an equation on the wrong side…

        I just don’t see the point in lying. I am all for don’t ask don’t tell AS LONG as it doesn’t hurt anyone. I just don’t really understand the relationship questions that are asked and then later used against you…it is silly. I don’t ask if I don’t want to know and if you are smart, you won’t ask me. Use it against me and you will find yourself not liking my responses… I have learned very well on how to play off that. My exN would always tell me he prefers to think I rode in on a white horse, virgin and all. Fine, but he would never stop asking questions pertaining to my prior loves… it seemed to bother him so much that any man had ever touched me before. Well, now he will never have that privileged either.

        0
      3. Actually no, lol… I was in private school for only 4 years of my life as a child. I was placed in Catholic school for 2 years and then Baptist the next 2 years. I was actually raised Southern Baptist. Now I just have my own higher beliefs that are not what I learned growing up. My own set of values, rules, morals, whatever you want to call it. 🙂

        0
      4. Oh DC, be careful now, you`re playing to my vanity.

        Don`t you know that flattery will get you everywhere.

        0
      5. Ha, of course! You may bite my neck and drink from me Bloody but I must warn you… I can’t give you everything you need. I LOVE everything about a man, I can just appreciate a beautiful woman!

        0
      6. You`re brave to offer your neck to me.

        I couldn`t guarantee I`d stop in time, but I can guarantee you`d enjoy every moment of it.

        0
      7. Fortunately I am a live in the moment type of gal… which it bad BUT if I wasn’t I do not think I would be so attracted to narcs nor them to me…

        Bloody, you would stop in time… you’d want it to last… and I would too.

        0
      8. HG, I am sorry… I can’t help being enticed by the thought of a beautiful woman even though I really do not have much interest in women. I am just fluffing her for you 😉

        0
      9. By the way, Bloody, is that your luscious lips and fangs? If so those are nice… did you have them made? I’d like to get a pair of custom made fangs myself.

        0
      10. Hi dc…I think you are just missing something in between HG’s article and b_e’s comment… indeed it does apply to the empath for as you said “we couldn’t be dishonest and feel good about it”.
        To always have to be truthful to those that are not back to you, who don’t feel good if they tell the truth or prevent any truth from being their reality and therefore yours too denotes that it will bring about a worsening of the disorders of both parties. Couldn’t think of a better way to put this now but to use your own words.
        It…SHAKES YOU UP !! ;)… dealing with this daily over a long time is akin to being exactly like that bottle of soda and yes you will burst. Hence, you will see your problems multiplied as the lyrics suggest : “if you continually decide to faithfully persue the policy of truth”… That is what a narcissist wants…just think of your “sody pop” as FUEL !! 😉 …just think of how fast and with what force and where it ends up when it spills out…all over the place in a million droplets… like bits and pieces unable to put itself back in the bottle no matter how hard it tries.

        Both parties will keep it up until they achieve that explosion.
        it is not a case of the truth will set you free with a narcissist, but in not persuing them for the truth you will not cause yourself terrible grief and have your head feel like it wants to explode nor will you become most likely as volitile as that eruption yourself. X’s

        0
      11. Hi Elaine,

        I do appreciate your response and I do understand what you see HOWEVER I think the song was not created for an empath BUT someone who has already been struggling with their own truth and their own punishment… it is as if his war in his mind is telling him to stop being truthful because it shows over and over again that it gets you nowhere… it is his awakening. Maybe when he finally realized that the wall is better suited up.

        “To always have to be truthful to those that are not back to you, who don’t feel good if they tell the truth or prevent any truth from being their reality and therefore yours too denotes that it will bring about a worsening of the disorders of both parties.”

        I cannot agree with this. I am not honest or caring towards something because of what they give me, tell me or provide me… I do it because they are made of the same flesh and bones as I, I give respect first. If the person has been in my life for a long time I will STILL care and give them respect at a distance. I do not choose to become hateful towards anyone because they cannot be truthful to me, they just lose my trust. It is simple.

        Also, you are assuming the lie between two people is known. I do believe in “Out of site, out of mind” and “What you do not know will not kill you”. – Those who look for deceit discover lies… those who are given the truth without looking for it have a choice to make.

        0
      12. I much appreciate your reply too dc and also understand your intention of your first comment better now from this reply of yours than than the first…
        I forget sometimes that I might be speaking in the voice of, or with the experience of only mine and my spouses and family’s perdicaments where as yes…I did know when he was lying…everytime he opened his mouth…
        I can usually tell when others are also, but when you suggest that this person speaking in these lyrics is someone that is already struggling with their own truth and their own punishment at the same time, that seems to fit the bill of an empath or borderline or narcissist more so than a normal to me as I don’t believe that normals are struggling this way and also because as you suggest they can simply walk away, not look back, not be bothered and get on with their life “normally from there” and are usually not repeatedly falling for lies and seeking to “push” or “force” their truth on anyone like and empath or Narcissist does.

        Sadly yes what I described, as the pressure and the explosion, this is the case of what happens when a Narcissist won’t let you get out or away from them and you can’t let yourself go or get away fully either.

        It can be very much like what I described between a Borderline and narcissist that have completed the evolution of them turning you into them as a full extension of themselves that then backfires on them as you use everything they are then doing to you , (which you now are partly too thanks to them,) against them. upon discard.
        We can not walk away. Revenge is mine sayith the lord…who are we emulating then but the one that claims to be a god at that point as I described…and all empaths believe they are healers…like Dr.s…like gods…they push their beliefs and needs and truths on to others…then… add a borderline personality which remains intact even after conversion into the mix…and with C-ptsd and a host of other intials…look out…;)

        “Pop pop fiz fizz oh what a relief it …isn’t . x’s
        much respect.
        EB-S.

        0
      13. Do you think they are my lips and fangs, DC?

        My fangs were made by a dentist friend of mine. They are incredibly authentic.

        I also have my regular canines slightly filed. Just because.

        0
      14. Well the avatar itself looks to be more realistic and cut just to show what is necessary. I do not know if they are yours… this is the internet. My avatar could be stolen from anywhere! 😉

        Ah, I didn’t know the dentist offered fangs!

        0
      15. Well, by your “favour” I am assuming you are in Europe somewhere… judging by the dark, deep, and entrancing music (better than ours) that comes from over there I will assume again that y’all also have more of a larger goth, vampire, dark following. Ours is small in the US… thus fangs are not as easy to come by, not locally anyhow. 🙂

        0
    2. I really need to thank you, I’m aware that is a sin, but this has helped me and my soul can finally begin to heal. I’m exhausted, drained and bled dry from what I’ve been going through with a narcissist, all this time hurting myself and blaming myself. How is it justified to do it? The need for fuel and this kind of love is so intense that it overrides basic knowledge to not ruin and destroy people who are trying to be good in the world and just love and be happy 🙁
      Mr Tudor I hope you get the help you need, I’ll always try stay positive and honest but I really need to try better at hiding this trait as I truly have only just made it through this,
      Can’t wait to read the book and thank you again!!

      0
    1. The professionals I have discussed with on this very question. They wear it like a badge of honor once the cat is out of the bag. Or so I am told.

      0
      1. Interesting AhOh! I also have heard it is really common for those diagnosed with NPD by a psychologist/psychiatrist to call the professionals incompetent and shop around for another professional that gives a different answer. I have heard this Is actually something to look for with PDs is n general, particularly cluster B.

        0
      2. It may be worn as a badge, but it’s not like we’re out there shouting it from the rooftops.

        Firstly, it’s not always safe to do so. Secondly, we aren’t likely to admit we are the ones with the problem.

        0
      3. BE,
        Yes, this is in line with what I have seen previously. And, you are correct to add that it is often not felt to be safe to disclose. Disclosing any kind of mental health diagnosis makes one feel very vulnerable, and understandably so, given the prejudices out there.

        0
      4. Indy,

        We acknowledge what we are, but we usually do it in shadowy anonymity. It`s not so much as the vulnerability as it is that we are unwilling to accept responsibility for our actions, especially when they are called into question by those who feel they have suffered at our hands.

        It is true that most of us don`t think there is anything wrong with the way we act/think/behave. As HG has pointed out numerous times quite eloquently, those who are more evolved are well aware of who and what we are. We lack a moral compass and we don’t operate within the confines of what is generally accepted as “acceptable” behavior. Rules don’t apply to us. Boundaries don’t exist. Laws don’t apply to us. There is no right and wrong because we define what suits us best and operate within a reality that is constructed by us, specifically for us.

        However, there are instances when being “outed” could prove disastrous. I recently read an article that notes that Robert Hare, the 82-year-old UBC professor emeritus and creator of the Psychopathy Checklist (PCL-R), is working to keep psychopaths out of the boardroom.

        The PCL-R has become the gold standard test for identifying psychopathy among prisoners, but Hare has been warning about non-criminal psychopaths since he wrote his bestselling book Without Conscience in 1993.

        Corporations have been hiring industrial and organizational (IO) psychologists (which became the fastest growing occupation in 2014, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics) since the 2008-09 financial crisis in an effort to identify toxic personalities. Historically, personality tests looked for so-called “bright side” traits—including the “Big Five” model that measures extraversion, agreeableness, emotional stability, openness to experience and conscientiousness. But over the past two decades, IO researchers have increasingly relied upon tests that measure “dark traits” such as manipulation, lack of empathy, grandiosity, self-entitlement, impulsivity and aggression.

        Research indicates that psychopaths represent only one per cent of the general population, but Hare has long suspected that there’s a higher incidence in the corporate world. Research indicates that psychopaths represent only one per cent of the general population, but Hare has long suspected that there’s a higher incidence in the corporate world. A corporate psychopath, he says, is “somebody with psychopathic propensities and who is well-bred, brought up in a professional environment, physically attractive, verbally facile, has the right schooling and contacts. Once you’ve got a psychopath inside, they can manipulate, lie, cheat and swindle their way right to the top.”

        While that line of thinking isn’t necessarily wrong, it could put certain, less evolved creatures of our kind at a serious disadvantage, for obvious reasons.

        0
  2. At the end of the day though our honesty and caring nature gets us loved and respected . People respect the ones who tell the truth more than the ones who lie. At the end of the day through all of the tears and the agony and lies and betrayels I still loved another human being more than myself and if anyone has ever loved to the extent and intensity that I have for my ex then they will know that love is the greatest accomplishment a human being can ever achieve . No amount of money or control will ever come close to unconditional love .

    0
  3. To the two who asked what I am. (it is in one of the feeds but I do not want to look to post there. I figure if you are reading the blog you will see this.)
    What am I? It is a philosophical question and one that can take pages or one word. The one word is easy. HUMAN and BEING

    But we will not get deep into philosophy today.

    I am a survivor as we all are. I am a lucky one.

    I am a strong willed, independent, woman.

    I have been hurt, and I have hurt.

    I have evolved as I spend time on earth. I can’t imagine not doing so although I see many who stay stagnant.

    I am atheist and have never believed in GOD, so I have learned that I am responsible for my actions.

    I know my shortcomings and my insecurities. But on the other side of the coin, I know my strengths and successes.

    I have my idiosyncrasies and my personality flaws. Again, on the other side of the coin, I am beautiful and unusual.

    I have strong and most times healthy narcissistic qualities without the negative feelings. I am a very physically pleasing to the eye. I am intelligent. I am worldly. I have extensive life experiences. All contribute to being who I am. I can command a room, or I can sit in the corner and observe.

    I have been told I am a force. As a matter of fact, it is often I hear this.

    At times I am my own worst enemy.

    The men in my life? There have been many. I have been married twice, and both times I had ulterior reasons, I did have love for them. (what I deem as love.) But it was not meant to be. I accomplished what I was there for and left.

    Asshole men do not alway equate to NPD. And yes I have had a few of hem. But I know why I picked the ones I did.

    I have little patience for many people and ignorance. I love animals. I am fascinated with our cousins the great apes.

    I could and would kill someone to protect myself.

    I am not a narcissistic sociopath. I would not claim this. If I were, I would not be on this blog in competition with a master narc such as HG. Unless I was here to steal his bloggers.
    And YES I would if I was.

    Know this; I am like fine china that has the fractures of life but holds the sweet tea still.

    Any inquires?

    I am, and you are.

    0
    1. I would have never thought you carried NPD, I think you are just sassy… a ball of fire.

      You are beautiful because you have suffered… it is all a learning experience!

      I know I have much more learning to do!

      0
      1. FrenchToast I answered the two questions that were asked of me. What are you assuming I won’t answer more? I like to talk about myself. This is my healthy narcissism.
        Oh honey, as my sister wife, you have carte blanc in the asking department.

        0
      2. Ah Oh,
        Thank you for my Carta Blanca. You know I was probably just recognizing a part of myself in what you said and yesterday I didn’t feel like looking in the mirror. Let’s kiss and make up. HG would like that I think. 👄

        0
  4. Dear HG Tudor,

    We here at The University of Empath Arts regret to inform you that we will no longer accept your services to our house of higher learning.

    It has come to our attention that you are not really the individual you have presented yourself to be. We were of course suspicious of you from the outset. However, when we found out your initials stood for Honest Guy Tudor and your refrences from The Lieutenant Agency were impeccable, we agreed you would be an asset to our faculty.

    We have since recognized your insidious motive to destroy us from within. We have received several complaints from our young ladies that you are using some form of illusion in your classroom. We do not take kindly to the casting of spells and fratenizing with the students. Leaving them in some kind of zombie like state. Yet the conflict we had was your course was the most sought after in the history of our university. At first we felt these young ladies to be exhibiting some type of psychotic break. As a pattern developed with these ladies begging us to believe them, We felt this behavior is one that could not go unaddressed.

    Therefore after further background checks we have found your real name is Heathen Guide Tudor and you had not informed us of your tenure at The University of Narcissism.
    Upon receipt of this new information, we say to you a quote from your previous headmaster from The University of Narcissism, one Mr. Trump.
    “You’re Fired”.

    Sincerely,

    Honesty Trait
    Head Mistress
    The University of Empath Arts

    1+
    1. Dear Miss Take,

      We are instructed on behalf of HG Tudor with regard to your erroneous communication which terminated, without cause or notice, the retainer of our client. We refer you to the terms of our client’s contract with the University of Empath Arts and in particular clause 2

      “The retainer between HG Tudor and the University may not be terminated by the University at any time or at all.”

      Furthermore, even if the contract allowed for the termination of our client’s retainer, which for the avoidance of doubt is denied, it is implied by reason of business efficacy that he would be entitled to a period of notice. The appropriate period of notice, by reason of our client’s standing and superiority is laid out in the established case law of Servant of Lucifer -v- The College of Honesty and Decency and is established that the period of notice shall be so long as it takes until “hell freezes over”.

      Furthermore, even if the contract allowed for the termination of our client’s retainer by due cause, which for the avoidance of doubt is denied, the grounds on which you rely are incorrect in fact and thus do not provide you with a sound or legal foundation for providing notice by due cause. The attribution you have given to our client concerning the basis of his name is wholly erroneous. We are pleased to be able to provide you with the correct expansion with regard to our client’s name as follows

      He Gives Total Understanding Daily Of Relationships

      In the premises, your correspondence amounts to an unlawful termination of our client’s retainer.

      We have already obtained an ex parte injunction preventing our client’s removal from the university pending trial. In light of the content of this correspondence, you will no doubt recognise that this is a trial that our client will win and will win handsomely with the resulting significant consequences for you and the university. Costs be will horrendous and we do not mean just the monetary ones. Accordingly, we require within a nanosecond of this communication for you to:

      1. Confirm the withdrawal of your erroneous letter;
      2. Your unconditional and grovelling apology to be laden with fuel;
      3. The complete resumption of our client’s position of Professor of Narcissistic Sociopathy and a larger throne provided too;
      4. Your attendance on the naughty step forthwith for a period to be decided at our client’s discretion.

      We look forward to hearing from you.

      Sue, Grabbit and Runne.

      1+
      1. HG. She addressed you as HG Tudor in her salutation. Are you saying that isn’t your name? You addressed her as Miss Take. It appears that the admin at your law firm made one. Such a lack of attention to detail should be disturbing.

        0
      2. It was the interpretation of HG which was wrong and thus necessitated the response of getting her name wrong also to prove a point. Hence that’s why my lawyers were so instructed.

        0
      3. I could understand the misinterpretation in the body of the email, HG. Still, the salutation…and the lack of attention to detail. Your call, though.

        0
      4. It was deliberate. That was the whole point. It wasn’t about attention to detail. She got my name wrong so the lawyers were instructed to do the same but do it deliberately.

        0
    2. ABB and HG…this cracked me up. ABB aka Miss Trait…will you be abiding by the 4 orders within a nanosecond?

      HG…Your law firm again addressed the person by their incorrect name. Unless you deleted or edited the post, they did it to me as well. This makes the correspondence null and void.

      Might I suggest that you change law firms? I hear Dewey Cheatem and Howe is an excellent choice.

      0
      1. She got my name wrong, hence my lawyers were instructed to do the same. It has no bearing on the efficacy of the action as the injunction covers the correct person.

        0
      1. Great point Nikita. Empaths are sponges and the feelings digested are not always light and fluffy. Most often the negative emotions come across much louder. Ironically the nice thing about being with a narc is you don’t absorb any of the ‘normal’ emotions… It can be a nice break.

        0
    1. Nikita, I have this same issue. It is really hard to explain to people who do not understand.

      The only feeling I gather from others is sadness… I DO NOT like feeling it, it is overwhelming.

      0
      1. I am in the same place.
        I can feel when people have issues. Even if they look good and in peace I can feel there’s something that doesn’t fit. Something wrong.
        And when I meet some entanglement of rage and sadness then, the feeling is terrible and I feel bad for not being able to do something to make those people feel better. When I see homeless people for example, sometime I silently cry.
        For a while, in the bad days, I have to say I felt quite numb, like as my empathy switched off. I read an interesting book of a neurologist that say that in some case, as for example hard stress or depression, you can loose periodically the empathy ability. I wonder if the same process happen to narcissists. After being neglected/abused for so long, in their brain something switch off and that ability just go or even doesn’t develop.
        It is one of the motivation that make me unable to hate or give up on people who have cluster B disorder of some kind. It’s neurological, different. There is no evil, is just really biological, a different way to think and live that I can choose to understand doing compromises and elevating my cognition and ability to do choices.
        They are interesting people in my opinion, now that I know their existence.

        Probably one (?) made me suicidal, but yeah, I survived.

        0
      2. Minerve, I like how you have explained this.
        I have gone cold before and I am sure it was just from a really trying time in my life.
        I am glad you survived and I bet it has made you stronger yet! 🙂

        0
  5. “Truth, the more I search for thee, the more time I waste.”

    It is all about perspective, isn’t it?

    Yes, I was raised to be honest. Lies of omission were punished by endless rosary rounds. Produced lies, well, the punishment was worse.

    Nevertheless, even if we cannot change our core self (the self that values honesty), we can learn caution and be vigilant for signs of gullibility and over-transparency. You see, it is healthy to be “honest”, though it is not necessarily adaptive or emotionally healthy in this society to be transparent. In fact, it suggests looser boundaries and sets us up. I am guilty of oversharing, it is a joke that my colleagues make of me. One psychiatrist friend said to me, jokingly, its because you are from Vermont, it is what small town rural women do. LOL Maybe so. And, I am learning when to keep my cards close to my chest and well to honestly lay it out. That friend of mine, though, can always ferret me out. Haha.

    Also, lets not forget honesty to self. Why are you laying out things on the table rapidly? Is it a search for acceptance? Is it a need for approval? Is it a search for love in another that is hard to give to the self?

    Be honest with yourself, speak your truth, including to that person in your life that may be manipulative, abusive and/or misleading. When we do not speak up for ourselves, we are lying to ourselves and telling others it is OK to treat us this way. It takes time to learn this. Practice. It is uncomfortable for me to do it, and I do it. Of course, make sure you are physically safe before engaging in speaking your truth. Sadly, this is a fact to be considered as well.

    0
  6. DC,
    The nuns, rulers, plaid uniforms. Lol..
    Lots of memories there.
    Sounds like you remember that too Indy! Lol
    Bet you would look wonderful on your horse.
    I feel the same way about the relationship questions and I think it’s because I don’t have an agenda. That word stuck out to me. Just like I didn’t understand controlling a person. I just don’t have those needs.

    0
    1. Ha! Snow… and you wonder why us Catholic school girls have…er, dirty minds… It is embedded in us young! 😛 I kid, I kid.

      You would love me on my horse Snow! My dragons flying overhead as I ride anywhere I please!

      As for the relationship thing… you are correct. I never had an agenda, take me as I am and I take you as you are… we can make this one hell of a ride together! The past is the past… I do not like to look back nor do I like to move backwards!

      I have a need for control….only sometimes but it doesn’t pertain to what they are doing without me LOL. 😉 😛

      0
      1. Lol!! I was there from K-8 and went from the plaid skirt to black leather. I did rebel in my look.😉…I have come a long way.

        The dragons flying over gave me a wonderful visual. I can’t help but think of Harry Potter though. ( my favorite ). I’m sure that screams out TARGET to all the narcs. I remember referencing that story many times to her and how love always wins. Now I think about how we are bound together til one of us dies. Ugh 😑

        I found out that I don’t want control in any room of my house and that part that she took control over I enjoyed. 😉

        I am trying to get control over my emotions. That is a difficult task these days.

        0
      2. I still rebel in my look HOWEVER… I have a professionalism and mommy look to contend with BUT I assure you I still love to dress as I desire on my off days. 🙂

        Harry Potter is great BUT I was thinking more of Game of Thrones. 😀

        As for your emotions… let em out… throw your fit, cry in the shower or to that song that hurts and find solace in something that makes you happy! You will be able to control them eventually! <3 ((((hugs)))))

        0
      3. I also dress as I please on days off. It’s more fun that way. It’s now my daughter who’s concerned how I look. Lol…
        I just downloaded my HBO app and am going to start Game of Thrones. I can’t wait. The only character I know about is the beautiful, blond dragon girl. Lol

        0
      4. Do you find her to be a bad actress in that series? Is that what Emilia Clarke is known as over there? Lol…I haven’t seen one episode yet.

        0
      5. She has been repeatedly slated for her wooden acting but the fact that she is attractive physically and bared her breasts a few times seemed to plaster over the cracks with some. Put her next to Charles Dance for instance and I rest my case.

        0
      6. Well, I guess she is baring her best assets to distract from what she is lacking in. Lol
        Is the whole cast terrible?

        0
      7. Not at all, there are many fine performances form the rest of the cast. Peter Dinklage, Charles Dance, John Bradley-West, Maisie Williams, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Carice Van Houten, Lena Headey, Rose leslie, Aidan Gillen and Jerome Flynn all put in great performances to my mind. Jerome Flynn especially surprised me.

        0
      8. Thanks for the review. Lol… it’s hard to start a series when I keep reading your books but I have nothing but time.

        0
  7. “The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed.” –Ernest Hemingway

    0
  8. Concur with Golden Goldman – this article was a very good analysis and extremely well written! One of my favorites to date because I really see the differences between the subjective reality of Narcissist, the Empath and the objective reality in a more practical way…

    I appreciated your explanation as to why honesty was considered a sin by Narcissists and made a note that innocence, purity, fidelity, charity, faith, hope and love may very well all make an appearance – when I see “sin” it takes me a back because objectively, I apply the word “sin” with a negative connotation when it is attributable to negative. A positive and negative combine to a negative like a battery – BUT when you break it down it looks like:

    1. Honesty is good: positive (objective view).
    2. Honesty is a sin: negative (subjective Narcissist view).
    (+)(-) = (-) Negative Empath Reaction

    When you view it from the subjective view point of the Narcissist, it breaks out like:

    1. I do not have honesty and am superior: his negative – turns against Empath for negative
    2. I need inferior Empath: negative – turns against Empath
    (-)(-)=(+) Positive Narcissist Reaction

    Combine the two poles, you have a workable battery!

    Does H stand for Hugh, HG? It’s like the Playboy Mansion except the girls are not Playboy Bunnies…they are Energizer Bunnies for HG to be THE ultimate Energizer Bunny! That could be a really cute Halloween costume speaking of – it’s all how you put it out there!

    0
      1. Thank goodness it is not Hugh.
        HG? “His Grace” and this is how I will refer to you with your permission.of course.

        0
      2. I’m suspecting he’s a Grant (not last name). Though he will never tell us if we’re correct or not.

        0
      3. grant, grant, grant….😜

        Have you published under other pseudonyms in other areas of writing?

        0
      4. It was a play on name guessing….and Rapunzel Make sense, tower and all. Most beautiful child of the land…And mum being Dame Gothel, a total matrinarc

        0
  9. HG- if I didn’t know any better, I would say this was directed right to me!! Lol! It’s so amazing how dead on this is to me. To have to learn who you are through such a tragity. Just sucks that yet still, no one understands

    0
  10. WOW!!! I am in awe of this post. I choked up at points, said a few OMG’s throughout” and laughed as well. I can see myself in every statement you made. I do exactly what you described and I’ve tried telling myself many times throughout my life to change the way I am with people; and I’ll be the first to admit, I’m an open book. I definitely know I need to start by trusting my intuition around your kind. Thank you so much for this one, HG. It has to be my favorite, and yet, I love them all.

    You’re the man!

    Just being honest 🙂

    0
  11. I read it all… Understood most but still I’m lost. Yes, it’s very hard to be dishonest. Yes, I do feel preyed upon for my honesty. It’s the other 95% I did not get

    0

Leave a Reply