No, You are the Narcissist – Part One

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The issue about the state of awareness of our kind is a central piece of the puzzle. Victims struggle with the proposition that someone behaves in such a way as we do yet does not see what they are doing. How can he not realise what he is doing? How can he not see that he is wrong? How can he not accept that I am right, I have the evidence in my hands? How can he not grasp that it is him and not me that is causing the problems? How can he not recognise that he is being selfish, hurtful or abusive? How can someone not know that they are behaving in this manner? I daresay you have said one or more of those questions at some point. Our awareness of what we are also dovetails with your awareness of what we are. As I have pointed out previously, next to nobody spots our kind when we first entangle with you. Even if you have been ensnared by one of our kind already, you stand a good chance of being ensnared a second time. Often the realisation as to what has happened to you may not take place for many years after the event or once the discard has taken place. You may realise that you have been entangled by a narcissist during the devaluation or more likely when we return looking to effect a post-discard/escape hoover. Almost without exception, once you have realised who you have become entangled with you have the overwhelming desire to tell us that you know what we are. It is a moment of triumph surely? You have been advised by an outside influence and/or you have read extensively and so many of our behaviours match with that of the narcissist. You have had your “aha” moment and whilst your head may still be swimming from the experience, your heart pulled all over the place and so many questions remained unanswered, you now know what we are. You have the knowledge and you are going to unmask us by telling us straight that you know and you are going to tell us direct what we are. It is time for you to strike a long overdue blow back at us. Thus, armed with this knowledge, what can you expect to happen? As you would expect, the response of the narcissist depends on which type you have become involved with. Let us begin with the Lesser Narcissist.

The Lesser does not know what he is. He acts through instinct, reaction and knee-jerk responses. If you tell a Lesser that he is a narcissist, chances are he may not even understand what you mean. If you have expressed this knowledge in a fuel free fashion, if he does not understand what one is you would most likely be met with the ignition of his fury and comments such as

“Why are using fancy words all of a sudden?”

“What are you using dictionary words for? Are you trying to make out that you are better than me?”

His inability to understand what you mean will be perceived by him as a criticism of him. He will feel wounded and thus his fury will be ignited. Lacking much in the way of control he will lash out at you as he instinctively seeks fuel for the purpose of healing his wound. He does not know that this is what is happening, nor does he understand his reaction, but this is what will happen. If you happen to have gained your awareness from a book and you use that to justify the label expect that book to be torn in half or thrown on a fire as knee-jerk response.

If the Lesser has some understanding of what a narcissist is, he will again only see it as criticism. Like many he will consider the label to only mean that he loves himself. You can expect responses such as: –

“Are you saying I love myself? Huh, guess I have to because you don’t anymore do you?”

“I love myself. You have some cheek. Have you seen the way you go on, preening yourself and swanning around?”

The Lesser will immediately deflect this perceived criticism by turning the position around and engaging in blame-shifting against you. He will seize on any evidence to hand which shows that you are the self-love and not him. If you have recently bought some new clothing, you can expect that to be brought up and you challenged for your spending habits. Said clothing is likely to be ripped or thrown away. If you have a range of potions and lotions which you use as part of your beauty regime, they will be seized on as evidence that you love yourself. They will be thrown around the room as the fury ignites, poured down the sink or smashed up.

The Lesser will and cannot accept that he is a narcissist. He does not know what he is and therefore has no awareness. If you attempt to “educate him” by explaining the various traits and behaviours of narcissism and link it to the way he behaves, if you do this in a neutral fashion you will be heaping more criticism on him. Every point you made will be met with deflection and denial.

If you say,

“Look, I am just trying to get you to see that when you go out and disappear drinking before coming home and demanding sex, you are not showing any thought for me and ignoring my boundaries, that is the behaviour of a narcissist.”

You will be met with,

“Oh so now I am not allowed to go out drinking am I?”

“I don’t demand sex, you never give me any as it is and anyway you should, what’s got into you these days? Getting it somewhere else are we?”

“Boundaries? Narcissist? Who has been filling you head with this shit? I bet it was Lucy wasn’t it, she has never liked me.”

As the ignited fury erupts you will witness the paranoia, blame-shifting, denial, projection and denial as the Lesser avoids discussing the issue. It does not register with him at all. No matter how obvious it may seem to you, he cannot grasp that he can be at any fault. It may be plain as day to you, the narcissistic behaviour matches exactly with what he does, but for all your explaining he will not accept it. Firstly, he will not do so because he does not know what he is, therefore he lacks the capacity to accept it. Secondly, even if he could he will not because of the defence mechanism that we have, namely that we are not accountable.

The denial and deflection will continue until you show signs of exasperation, upset or anger. When this fuel appears, this will assist the Lesser in healing the wounds he has and therefore he will, instinctively, be looking to push you to providing him with fuel through his responses. If your questioning persists and is done in a neutral manner, he will be forced to lash out (of course you will be blamed for his) which will result in verbal violence, destruction of property and physical violence as well. The Lesser’s paranoia will convince him that you are trying to catch him out in a way which he does not understand (nor can he) and all he knows is that he feels a sense of considerable discomfort. He does not know that this is caused by the failure to provide fuel and the wounding caused by your repeated criticisms. He will instinctively need to protect himself and this means getting fuel. He needs to head off your “oh so clever” comments – hence the denial and deflection, but he cannot control the ignited fury which ignites in order to seek the necessary fuel.

If you persist with pointing out what he is and there is no fuel provision he will evade you as he goes in search of fuel form someone else and in order to get away from the source of his annoyance.

A Lesser is unlikely to accuse you of being a narcissist because he has no real understanding of what you are referring to. What he will do however is throw back at you the constituent parts which you identify as narcissistic behaviours, at you. This is to defend himself from the criticism attached with this. This is to defend himself because he cannot be accountable for any kind of failure or weakness. This is done as a reaction to try and cause you to react to these allegations so you give fuel. You end up justifying that you are not the narcissist, thus he is (through instinct rather than calculated design) able to halt the wounding attack from you and gain fuel into the bargain as you protect about how you do not love yourself, that you care about him and other people, that you recognise boundaries and so forth.

You will never ever convince a Lesser Narcissist that he is one. He just cannot comprehend it. That is why although his behaviours match those of our kind, he cannot see it. He no insight whatsoever. All you will do is cause him to defend himself, have his fury ignited and ultimately cause him to lash out at you. Do not waste your time trying to convince him. You will not. If you want to wound him, tell him, but then withdraw otherwise you will find yourself on the receiving end of some savage ignited fury.

96 thoughts on “No, You are the Narcissist – Part One

  1. Kristina MacLean says:

    Hi HG, I am recently separated from my ex, not embittered just…concerned and sad. He is definitely a narcissist, a lesser I believe….I really enjoy your articles, can you leave me information for everything you have? Links, articles, everything…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Use the search function or organise a consultation.

      1. Kristina says:

        Hi HG, Thank-you for all the information…I am reading everything I can (mostly from you) my Narcissist is definitely a mid-range. Actually he isn’t mine anymore….I feel like I am getting over a ghost. He isn’t really who I thought he was…
        Thank you for coming forward, speaking so eloquently and sharing your insight…you are very helpful. I will try to save some money for a consultation.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

  2. anon says:

    Another question: Does a narcissist ever go therapy or counceling with sincere motivation to become more loving, compassionate person? Or do they seek help only when they are forced to by others or to manipulate other people?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Please see the blog article ‘But I Can Change’.

  3. anon says:

    Is it true that narcissists never make fun of themselves? Or that they can not laugh at themselves?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  4. Blitzest says:

    Hi HG, you seem to speak of two categories of people, those who are narcissistic and those who are not. Is the division really that sharp or are their perhaps many people that are narcissistic to a limited degree?
    And secondly, how much % of people do you consider narcissistic?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hi Blitzest, I have in other works explained how it there is a spectrum. If you read the article Narcissist v Sociopath it is covered in there. The division is not really that sharp, everyone has narcissistic traits but that does not make someone a narcissist. I categorise, for the ease of understanding into three main groups (which are then sub-divided) The Empathic Group (who I call your kind) The Normals (or apaths as they are sometimes known) and The Narcissists (my kind). All of those groups have some degree or a large degree of narcissistic traits. As to your final question. 100% of people have narcissistic traits. I have formed the view that about 17% of people are narcissists, that is purely anecdotal in nature and is not empirical.

  5. twinkletoes says:

    TT: you’re a narcissist

    Tubby: *chewing* Did you just call me fat?

    TT: No, I called you a narcissist.

    Tubby: *slurps* So you think i’m a worthless weighie?

    TT: No one said anything about weight. I said you meet the criteria for this personality disorder and—

    Tubby: *now hitting head* So you think im you’re FAT FREDDIE ?

    TT: No, but you need help

    Tubby: I’ll have you know I was a skinny 17 once.

    TT: But honey you are now 33, and very obese.

    Tubby: *nowbleeding from hitting head* F*ck you, YOU are the narcissist *chews* *slurps*

  6. I want to make sure I keep up with your posts, and I don’t want to miss any!

  7. Magia says:

    Hi again HG, great article. During my recent hoover I (as you said) couldn’t resist telling her that I knew what she was. I told her that everything we had was fake and she replied “So now you want to get me back huh?” or words to that affect. I can’t figure out what type of narc she is, she has the education and income of a lessor, she played the victim with me at least (lessor), but she’s no dummy and managed to rig a hoover across the planet with some style. My guess is that she’s aware of what she is. She told me once that “my friends think I’m a Narcissist Sociopath”…which is a bit of a give away…and, incidentally, caused me to research what that meant and find you HG. Again, the kind of slip up you’d expect from a lessor. I was wondering if there were a set of say 3 – 5 questions I could (or anyone could) ask their narc the responses to which would give me a pretty good idea of who I’m dealing with? If you’ve already supplied these in your books, please direct me to the book in question and I’ll look it up. By the way, I received my first hoover email yesterday where she says that as I think she’s fake, I probably hate her now. I haven’t replied yet, I want to do so strategically…i.e. I gain maximum information, she gains minimum fuel.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Magia. I am currently working on three books, The Lesser, The Mid-Range and the Greater which will be of considerable interest to you and in them you will find the material you need to ask the questions you want. Her e-mail is a pity play. Ignore it.

      1. Lori says:

        Oh can’t wait for that

  8. Indy says:

    I do agree with the hypothesis that she could be a narc as well, I mean it is almost a requirement for politicians.

  9. Indy says:

    Praying we do not get Trump. He has a style of narcicism and nationalism that reminds me of a dictator. He may be a millionaire, but there is poor impulse control with what he blurts out. He’s sexist, racist, and too many bankruptcies under his belt to be an ethical business man that supports anyone other than himself.

    Hillary is no gem, and is no doubt crooked but at least she has a frontal lobe that keeps her mouth shut when needed. I don’t see her having a dictator tea party on the front lawn of the White House lol.

    1. ann94063 says:

      Well, one of them is going to get elected. If Hillary gets elected, she’s going to do for women what Obama did for black Americans — absolutely nothing. She might even go after the women who came out of the woodwork to expose her husband. A malign narc, indeed!

      1. Indy says:

        I hear you about Hillary, Ann. I have a yucky feeling about her as well and yes one will be POTUS. I’m going with the lesser of the two evils. For each American, we have to decide which is worse, a horrible place to be in. ….wished Sanders was on the ticket.

        1. ann94063 says:

          I may not agree with Sander’s politics, but at least he stands up for what he believes in. No such loyalty of conviction with Hillary. She does what is expedient even if it’s contrary to what she just said the minute before. She changes her positions on a dime if it has $$$ attached to it. Now, THAT would make for a truly dangerous POTUS if they can be bought by dangerous regimes.

          1. Indy says:

            Ann, I agree with you about Sanders (standing up for what he believes in) and that Hillary is influenced strongly by money.ndangerous, sure, and nothing different from pSt politicians. Trump, as seen many times, has changed on his positions quickly as well, depending on where the votes go. Indeed, this is politician behavior.

            Now this is just my view, and I respect others see him differently. For me, and really scares me about trump, more so than Clinton, is his expression that he himself will make change, not part of a group. I also am horrified that he refers to people in ways that are objectifying as if they are all the same: “the gays love me”, “the Latinos love me”….and Mocking a disabled reporter…that for me crossed my values more than Hillary. I see your points, though Ann, Hillary may be more dangerous in a stealth like manner…which is scary. I just can’t vote trump. ….and I so hope we get a decent congress to balance out the POTUS.

          2. ann94063 says:

            Indy, I respect your views and convictions. At this point, we will agree to disagree. I totally trust in divine providence, and therefore, may the best person win. 😊

          3. HG Tudor says:

            That’ll be me then.

          4. ann94063 says:

            I’d vote for you, HG! 👍 Heck, I’d even campaign for you! LOL!!!

          5. HG Tudor says:

            I’d expect nothing less.

          6. ann94063 says:

            Ooh! Entitled much? 😊 Now stop always having to have the last word! 😆

          7. HG Tudor says:


          8. ann94063 says:

            LOL!!! And I can envision you saying that with a stomp on your little footsie. Ok little one…no need to get petulant. I’ll still vote for you. Now come and give me a hug. 🤗

          9. HG Tudor says:

            No hugs but I will take the vote Ann.
            I have size 11 (UK size) by the way. Ideal for stamping out dissent.

          10. 1jaded1 says:

            Lol footsies. Trump has tiny hands.

          11. HG Tudor says:

            But a long reach eh 1jaded?

          12. mlaclarece says:

            Size 11 shoe size….6’1″…blue eyes…no beard… how about a hair color now? Pretty please with a cherry on top?!

          13. HG Tudor says:

            I have told you I am bald as a coot Clarece.

          14. mlaclarece says:

            Oh pish! Much earlier on when being hounded by the readers, you associated every feature with an actor, like I think you said you have Brad Pitt’s lips. I just can’t recall which actor you said you had hair like. It wasn’t Vin Diesel though!!

          15. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha indeed I did. I have Pitt’s lips for sure.I will help you with the hair. Daniel Craig. If DC was bald.

          16. ann94063 says:

            Size noted, HG. 👍

          17. HG Tudor says:

            Oh goody I am going to receive some shoes.

          18. ann94063 says:

            You sound so (deceptively) easy to please. 👏

          19. HG Tudor says:

            Oh I am easily pleased. Just hand over your soul and I am perfectly content.

          20. ann94063 says:

            Ummm…no. After what I have learned here? My soul would be too feisty for you and will cause you to run on empty.

          21. 1jaded1 says:

            Now you have two votes, HG…so sad about the limitation.

          22. HG Tudor says:

            I will get around that.

          23. Indy says:

            Ann, totally! I too agree to disagree. Indeed, may the best person win 😊 ✌️

            Ha, HG.!

  10. rescuenomore says:

    I reckon Hillary is a malignant narc. Check out the smile on her. Its not creepy its evil. Her whole agenda is revenge on billy. That smile says, trust me everyone you pack of suckers, followed by evil smile and witch laugh. Mr T is sabotaging himself as he didn’t think he would get this far. He doesn’t want a pack of advisors telling him what to do. Like a typical narc he thinks everyone else is stupid. I do like him though. He speaks painful truths.

  11. ann94063 says:

    HG, what kind of narcissist is President Obama? He sure uses the words “I” and “me” a lot when he gives speeches. I just read an article labeling him as a malignant narcissist. Would you agree to that characterization? How about Hillary Clinton? Would she be considered a co-dependent for putting up with Bill’s philandering? Or is she a narcissist, too, since she seems to be devoid of empathy, herself. How about Trump? In one of his interviews, he said that he never thought he’d be running for president, otherwise he would have been a little less controversial. I know that there has to be a certain amount of narcissism in a person to run for elected office. I think your insight here would be very valuable. In your estimation, which of the two running for president is the lesser evil?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Ann, I was having this very conversation with T privately a couple of weeks ago and with ABB more recently, In my assessment Trump is one of ours. Hillary Clinton is a mid range narcissist and co-dependent on Bill who is a greater – I listened to a long radio play by a quality station in the UK recently and whist I appreciate there is some artistic licence it was clear that Hillary is a narcissist and is co-dependent in terms of her adoration, reliance and longevity with good ole Billy Boy. She gave up a lot in their early days for them to be together and she once said, when rumours were circulating about his affair with Lisa Flowers (I think that’s her name) that “infidelity is not the worse thing that can happen in a marriage” which gives you some insight into her mind set. As for Obama, there is no doubt that he has narcissistic tendencies. Most leaders have otherwise they would not be where they are. I know many people think he is a narcissist and I think ultimately he is. He has charm in spades and I think he is highly adept at maintaining a brilliant façade (whereas Trump cannot help but show his true colours although he is smart enough to realise this works for him because he is very much a demagogue). I would vote for Hillary but as you say it is the lesser of two evils.

      1. ann94063 says:

        Thank you for your insight, HG. This is very helpful.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome Ann. Tell everyone you know.

          1. ann94063 says:

            Good morning from across the pond, HG! This is going to come as a shock, but I see things a little differently from you. 🙂 In my opinion, while all of them are narcissists, I see Hillary as a co-dependent/narcissist. I think she held her nose and stayed with ole Billy Boy for her own political ambitions. She says she is for women and a woman who has been raped deserve to be heard and believed, unless, of course, if they become a threat to her ambitions, such as the women that ole Billy Boy groped and raped. Speaking for myself, I would rather have a loud-mouth that tells me what I need to hear about the state of my country (not what I WANT to hear) than a politically-correct crook who speaks with a forked tongue. I appreciate Trump’s candidness in the same way I appreciate what you’re doing for all of us here on your blog. You tell us what we NEED to hear no matter how painful it may be.

          2. mlaclarece says:

            I completely agree about your observations about Hillary. I will also say, one if the most horrific natural disasters to hit the U.S. in Louisiana with the flooding and Obama and Hillary made no rush to get down there. Who did? Trump did on Fri. He terrifies me as well, but he did the right thing getting down there to see first hand what the people he wants to represent are having to overcome.
            40,000 homes destroyed. If this was the East Coast or Calif, there would be 24 hour coverage…and probably a stronger Democratic presence.

          3. ann94063 says:

            Yes, Trump’s actions by going down to Louisiana was very presidential. His arrival brought coverage to the region. And I agree, if this had happened to the East Coast or California, there would have been around the clock coverage.

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        Thank you. I was wondering the same. What would you do if you were in a battle with Trump? No pm. Oh well.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If I was in a battle with Trump, you mean to be president?

          I cannot. I am not a US citizen.

          1. 1jaded1 says:

            No…i know that. Dude, that is aomething we learned in grade school. For supreme N.

      3. mlaclarece says:

        I personally think Hillary is a power monger herself. She glazed over Bill’s affairs to stay the course for her own political agenda and in doing so also made a mockery of the institution of marriage. I don’t find her Co-dependent at all. It benefitted her much more to stay attached to Bill.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed but what about all the sacrifices she made early on?

          1. mlaclarece says:

            It served a greater good.

          2. 1jaded1 says:

            So true. She may just be the ultimate narc. Even better than Trump. She has changed parties to suit her. She fn thinks she is above the law (sound familiar HG?…from what I gather it sent you to therapy in the first place…)…she is very fake and people are gobbling it up. At least Trump has the scrot to be who he is. Not voting for either. I may write HG in, even though he can’t be prez…Even HG has limitations.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Limitations? No, I don’t understand that word 1jaded1.

          4. 1jaded1 says:

            You do understand that word as you succinctly pointed out to me when you tried to chastise me about not knowing the US constitution. You can’t be POTUS and you know it. You told me above how as if I didn’t know That is a limitation. You can’t be elected POTUS. You can find a way around it…just like you have in your present circumstance…whatever that is. Care to share? Sharing is caring or something like that. I still might write you in.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            There is always a way around it. I wasn’t chastising you incidentally, I just made the observation.

      4. Theresa says:

        I respectfully disagree. I worked with President Obama at the University of Chicago Law school and I also worked on his first Senatorial run in Illinois. I got glimpses of his family dynamic. Michelle and the girls are happy. They would not be so, if the president is a narcissist.

  12. 1jaded1 says:

    Lol @ dictionary words…he was articulate when he spoke. He knew the meanings…he couldn’t spell worth sht. That could be attributed to much. It baffled me. Looking forward to reading more.

  13. luckyotter says:

    The way you describe the Lesser Narcissists make them sound rather dim. Do you think Lessers are probably not very high in the intellect department?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They are at the lower end of cognitive ability amongst our brethren. Some are not very bright at all, others are not thick but lack guile and cunning. They will have no or few academic qualifications, have a limited interest in the world at large, culture and so forth.

      1. luckyotter says:

        That’s what I thought. I’ve met quite a few, sad to say. They don’t possess much charm , do they?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No they do not,they just to tend to keep the beast under wraps long enough to capture the victim. Lessers aim for co-habiting, marriage, pregnancy faster than other schools of narcissists (as a general rule) as the arsenal they have to bind the victim to them is less resplendent than that of the Mid Range or Greater.

          1. luckyotter says:

            Thanks for clarifying

          2. HG Tudor says:


    2. rescuenomore says:

      Hi luckyotter. Lessers are quite dim academically and lack emotional intelligence. They cant read peoples faces, so if they offend people, they don’t get it. A number of times I have said to NM, Can you look at my face and interpret what I am feeling?.(EG: look of horror on my face with tears and scratchy upset voice) Nope, no idea at all.

      Another way to pick the lesser is to say to them : When you said That comment to ME, do you know how that may have made ME feel?. If they are a lesser they will look at you as if you are the idiot, and then start going on about how THEY feel. You then say:No I said how do think your comment made ME feel. At this point, just give up, as they use word salad to the point you just want to stick sharp pins into your own groin so the pain will distract you from their back to front pathetic attempt to get them selves out of a situation where a normal would just say, well actually I don’t understand, AND, I am very sorry if I offended you. AAHH words from heaven that I have never known accept in my own mind.

      My NM and NB have a lot of charm, but then does charm require a high intellect ?. This also confuses me (surprise) as NG observes others to get reactions so the next sting can take place. This to me makes sense. If you can read the reactions of others, it is far easier to get them in.

      In terms of their ability to interpret things that Normals discuss, news, politics, ideas and opinions. There world view is very simple, everyone else is stupid and I am the smartest. Lessers are so stupid that is close to literally what they say.

      I realise this is NG process, but the massive difference is, NG doesn’t deny he has this view ( to us anyway), and it is glaringly obvious that NG has a high intellect. Much more dangerous, but smarter and more interesting non the less.

  14. rescuenomore says:

    HG you got it yet again. One simple word. INSIGHT. My NM and NB must be lesser as they have the insight of a dead gnat. In saying that, sometimes even after all these years, I still wonder if they act Dumb, or really are dumb. These conflicting thoughts of mine obviously add to the gas lighting effect.
    They don’t have a boundary as to what is In their back to front minds and what comes out of their mouths. Things they have said to me and other people have left me gob smacked. I have had to get a jaw guard as my jaw has dents in it from hitting the floor so much.

    One thing I have noticed over all these years is , when I am out in public with them, they are totally different than when I am alone with them. Out in public they are charming, agreeable, they listen and respond to people in a normal manner. When I am alone with them, the abuse, word salad, invalidation gas lighting is total.

    Perhaps HG you could clarify this apparent contradiction that confuses me. Appearing to have no insight yet acting totally different in public.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The public face is the façade. It is done to draw fuel and preserve the idea of us being wonderful people. In private, we do not need the façade and unleash the full horror against you as the primary source. This contradiction is bewildering. What makes it worse is that when you try to point out to the façade what we are really like, nobody believes you, which makes your situation worse. Lesser and Mid Range Narcissists behave like this instinctively. It is based on wanting the rest of the world to adore them and based on lashing out at you because once you are in devaluation you repeatedly (albeit unintentionally because it is based on the N’s perception) criticise them, thus you get the horror. There is no conscious decision by the Lesser and Mid-Range to do this. They just do.

  15. mlaclarece says:

    The two different times I threw direct accusations at JN, I received responses right back as “stop reading the Intro into Psychology 101, lol”.
    And, “after endless questions about why I did x, y, and z, you insert your own dime store psychology to create your own reality.”
    Always on deaf ears.
    I think the only way it would affect his status / façade pillar is if outsiders collaborated in agreement with me on his treatment of me.

  16. Snow White says:

    Great article!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Snow White. Don’t eat the apple by the way, but the mirror is fine.

      1. Snow White says:

        Are you Prince Charming or the evil one? Or BOTH? 🍎

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Talking of which…..

      2. Snow White says:

        And unfortunately I didn’t have you before I ate the apple. Lol

  17. Snow White says:

    I really feel that you have a crystal ball into my life. I saw that she posted that she forgives me and she is a good woman. I figured out what she was after searching around for an answer. At our “goodbye” I told her that she was a narcissist and her response was ” so you think that I made you fall in love with me?” What is your opinion on her response? Do you believe she knows what she is? She had excellent manipulation and seduction skills and loved to play the victim card repeatedly. She was the best boundary pusher!!! She got me to do anything that she wanted. She even got me to accept a marriage proposal from her and I was going to be her second wife and I was still married to my husband. I was filling out the divorce papers and was going to be in a polygamist marriage. It sounds incredible as I sit here and write this. She always referred to herself as a monster, a psychopath, and broken.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Snow White, when you have done what I have so often, interacted with, observed and studied both my kind and you kind, one becomes able to predict behaviour with considerable accuracy hence it will feel like I have a crystal ball into your life. That is why it seems like we are everywhere.
      Her response indicated that she knew what she was.

  18. c2gemineyes says:

    Thank u HG for this particular piece as Ive been searching for something just like it. And thank u overall for all ur insight. I wait with anticipation, daily, for ur writings to show up in my inbox. Stay safe. Peace.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  19. Hope says:

    Great post. Makes me realize it’s instinctual. Our empathy is also instinctual. They can’t change. We can’t change. It’s the way we were created.

    Your posts, HG have made me realize that there is no “secret book” Narcissists read to act the ways they do. That was what I had originally thought. You’ve convinced me otherwise.

  20. nikitalondon says:

    Very very interesting… Great informatiom.
    Is the lesser the most toxic?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No the greater is.

      1. Indy says:

        Can I hop in here and challenge….I agree the greater is more dangerous to a larger number of people and is a larger threat due to the level of awareness, stealth, malign intent. When compared to say a man that beats his wife and gets drunk and has no clue why he likes it.

        However, isn’t it also true to say that a man that beats his wife and gets a kick out of it (unconsciously) is just as toxic (poisonous) as a man that is genius, aware and engages in premeditated verbal and emotional abuse to gaslight and control his wife?

        Its like the difference between arsenic and cyanide.

        Am I wrong?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          We are all toxic. Some of us are more toxic than others.

  21. Maddie says:

    I can imagine how malignant narcissist would react 😉 btw another lovely post G xxx

  22. Love this! I’m wondering how the other two types of Narcissists would react…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Tamara. You will find out over the next couple of days.

      1. Very much looking forward to it HG!

      2. nikitalondon says:

        Looking forward also. Last time I missed the greater.

  23. Gem says:

    I did not seek to ‘unmask’ the narcissist. (Yet).
    1. I do not see it as my job to educate him on this point.
    2. Any contact/communication inevitably leads to ‘word salad’ and the conversation will turn around onto me and I will be attached. Thus, it is pointless to engage in this way.
    3. The narcissist doesn’t think he is a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath, (his ex-wives and various women have labelled him before). He thinks is a ‘nice open-hearted guy’.
    He told me he did do a self-administered psychopath test and scored normal. The result of this test is invalid at any rate due to the fact that he took it himself!

    Faced with the magnitude of this self-delusion and denial what is there to do but walk away. I also did fear his reaction if I did try to educate him, however, I care less about that now.

    At least HG, you know what you are, you do not pretend to be a ‘nice guy’ and go around telling everyone you are a nice guy. Or maybe you do.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do like your comment about a self-administered test, that amused me.

      I don’t pretend to be a nice guy. I am a nice guy. At first.

      1. nikitalondon says:

        Very nice ❤️❤️❤️

      2. Christopher can't stop says:

        Oh man, realizing my ex had this disorder doesn’t make this any easier. The love bombing was fantastical. Very nice at first indeed. In the end she accused me constantly of cheating on her. It was her, after I walked out pissed that she never trusted me, that was seeing some one we had met months and months earlier. An overweight oil changer of all people. She told me of all the abuse she endured at the hands of her ex so was a narcissistic abuser. She taught me what gas lighting was and then proceeded to try to use it on me. Well, she also introduced me to speed, and after the marathons of phenomenal sex began to slowly ebb in interest, as it always does with a male, reading becomes paramount. I must learn everything and put it to use. Well one day she said another false statement. I was like, “Dude, you said it in a text like 5 hours ago, I can prove you are wrong / lying right here.” (I have a complex about being right all the time. Mostly random trivia shit. I just can’t stand when some one is saying something I know to be false.) So I told her, “You’re gas lighting me?!? Are you serious?!?” Her response, no that’s what I was doing to her. I was dumbfounded, baffled, confused. You name it. I know now that’s another classic characteristic. She really had a thing for fighting with me. Every night in the end was a fight. We would both say we didn’t want a fight. That was pretty much that bell to start the first round. She knew I had a temper. Never have a hit a girlfriend, still haven’t. But I can hurt with my words more than any person I’ve ever come across. Not proud of it, but in the moment it’s exhilarating. I’m like a freestyle rapper with things that were pushed back in my head that were said in trust and confidence. It’s just more cannon fodder, and nothing is off the table. You hurt me?! You’ll get it back ten fold. Always have been a Scorpio. One night sticks out more than any other. I told her to walk away. Leave me alone. You will not be happy with the outcome of this. She screamed, “You’re threatening me?!”
        Nope, just a fact. Leave me alone and we calm down and talk later. She never could. She was on the floor in a puddle of her own tears and mucus gasping for air in full on anxiety mode. My temper was so much more out of control than I had ever let it get. I just let go of my subconscious and watched from inside. If that makes any sense. It was mortifying. I didn’t even go to her for 10 minutes or so. Eventually I collapsed beside her on the floor and added to that puddle. Now, knowing that it was all a ploy for supply, I wish I had walked out of the house. I want revenge so bad. I want to do all the bad things. I’m too impulsive. Passionate to a fault in my love and even more so in my need for justice. Vindictive Scorpio. She blocked my calls and emails and when I finally got a hold of her, she says I should be paying her more for rent since I didn’t get my things out for 3 weeks of the month. Fucking cunt! And then leaves my stuff in the yard for me to pick up and keeps the things she wants!!
        I need her world to collapse around her. Very empathic I am. Don’t fuck with a pissed off empath. Called her bullshit out right away. I pick up on what you’re doing. She would look at me with this contemptuous look on her face. I’d say, why you got that foul look like you’re better than me on your face? What’s up with that shit tone in your voice? That’s how you sound! Is the response. Are you fucking kidding me?! Wow. Damn that felt good to say. Is there any way to get my good feels and not give her the supply she is looking for? I suppose I just don’t do anything and drop her. I want to sue her for fair market value of my things. I want to expose her for every thing she is. And I want to see the look on her face as every one is disgusted and walks away. Oh man. That can’t be a normal feeling either. I wonder if I have a mental disorder. Definitely anger issues…..

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