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27 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths No. 9”
Left4dead, maybe your the N and you drove her batshit crazy? Just saying?
Let’s see… Five and half years together, she forgot my birthday three times, the last birthday she asked me what I wanted, I said a Schlotzky sandwich and a Baskin Robbins ice cream cone. She drove me to Schlotzkys and we had a sandwich, then she drove me home, never mentioning the ice cream. She called me Baby, everyday until five days before discarding me. Then she called me by my name. She started a completely new Facebook page thirteen days before discarding me. We never had a major fight, and quarrelled very little. When she ran over me with the $54,000 Chevy Silverado I paid for, she had my paycheck in her account and rent was due the next day. She got out of the truck walked back to where I laid bleeding and calmly said ” You broke my door handle” got back in the truck and drove off, I have never seen her since. Nine days later she sent me an email after I told her sister I left the state. It said that I was smart and kind and wished me the best. If I drove her bat shit crazy I don’t know how. If scratching her back every night until she went to sleep did it, guilty as charged. Thank you for your reply, if you have any further questions I would be more than happy to respond.
I sincerely wish you could read my story of five years with my narc ex. You might find entertainment knowing the ending of the tale left me homeless, jobless, penniless, and run over with a vehicle purchased by my money in her name, driven by her. It took six months to heal the wounds, the mental wounds won’t ever heal. The nightly ritual of the back tire going by my face is an excellent reminder of the pain. If you are interested please lete know.
L4D, that is so horrible! I’m sorry about your experience. Your face is your dignity, your identity. If it helps you heal, please share your story with the forum. If it just reopens wounds, then talk to us about anything. It’s therapeutic. 💚
Hello. What you described doesn’t sound entertaining at all. Feel free ro share as you wish. You have support.
L4D. This is the sh*t that makes me wish Earth would call it quits and start over in a couple million years, or not even bother.
It’s taking a long while to come to grips over all this. HG Tudor has helped so much and people like you 1jaded1. I have decided to pursue law enforcement for her criminal act. She has moved on with a man who has a 7 year old daughter and I am afraid for her. In five years with her what she did to my mind, what could she do to a 7 year old girls mind? She doesn’t like children, has nothing to do with her nieces and nephews. The manipulation and the fuel gathering would be intense. My empathetic nature feels more for this unknowing child and I have to at least try to get this narcissist woman off the streets and behind bars where she belongs.
N2 said that. No thank you.
My husband has told me if we are ever stranded for a long time without food or water he would eat me to survive……..but he would do me the ‘kindness’ of killing me first!!
you see red queen, we are all heart.
The birds would eat you, HG.
I cant swim. I once asked “so, would you save me if we were on a sinking boat”? His responce, “who else is on the boat”?
Hmmm, I felt really protected THAT day!
Par the course Lisa.
Indeed HG. Indeed…
Your posts became more depressing for me…or maybe it’s my awareness fault? 😢
H.G, protect you target from what?
Absolutely nothing. It sounds good to say it.
Lol! So true. A narc and I were walking in a neighborhood when an angry dog came running towards us. Narc took off towards the car, as I followed. He was the first to get in, and he locked the doors! Lol. Now I wonder if he locked the doors for fear that the rapid dog had super natural abilites, which allowed him to stand on hind legs and open car doors with his paws… possibly with his mind. Or was the narc just readying himself for a good ol dog vs girl fight.
Snow, I know. 😢 I wish I could protect every child. It’s that part in my ex that I wish I could have taken away, his past pain and abuse as a kid. We cannot always protect those we love from themselves or their pasts or their paths. We can barely protect ourselves. We have to first love ourselves.
What you write is very true and I think you and I feel it even more with the children because we work with them. I see how early on they are affected by their home lives and experiences. I wish I could hug them and take it away. They are so young and innocent.
Do you still attend 12 step meetings?
Yes, I agree. We both have a strong connection to children and feel for them deeply for some reason, partially because we work with them and have strong bonds with them on a regular basis. I think there is more to it, though, at least speaking for myself. I think some of it is my reworking my old wounds from that period. Do you feel this too or is it different for you?
I was introduced to 12 step meetings by a couple of my exes (the one that passed away this past month and the most recent ex who was also a narcissist). I realized after attending several meetings that I needed to incorporate some of its teachings in my own recovery from co-dependence and strengthen my boundaries. I have not attended in a while. I chose personal therapy as the setting brings up a lot of memories right now that are hard for me. I know, I know, that means I really need to do it. LOL I have a strong resistance to attending right now, perhaps due to familiarity with loss that is associated with this.
Hi Indy, I have thought a lot about what led me to be a co-dependent in life. I had a pretty normal childhood. No abuse at all. I have always been kind, remorseful, grateful, and empathetic. Always a giver. But I’m wondering if something changed in me when my son was diagnosed with all his disabilities. I became even more accepting, non-judgemental, and any kind of normal went out the door. My red auro grew by 100. Lol….
I remember my ex even commenting on parents who have kids like mine and how they have so much sympathy for others.
Thanks for telling me about the meetings. My husband had been going to them for 5 months and his sponsor is encouraging me to attend al-anon. He is certain that living with an alcohol for 20 years somehow led me to my toxic affair. My husband has always had controlling issues but has always been able to control the alcohol until everything blew up . I wasn’t sure that I wanted to. I needed to find others that had a relationship with a narcissist and I needed the understanding of what happened to me. This blog and HG has done more for me than anything else. I will probably be in therapy for a while. I know you have mentioned the 12 step meeting several times and I was curious to see what your opinion was.
I know your loss is recent and I’m sorry if I brought some unpleasant emotions to the surface for you. I only have hugs and more hugs for you. XXXxxxx
What you describe does not sound co-dependent, it sounds compassionate and empathetic of others. I agree, once someone has a child with any sort of special needs, it increases one’s depth in understanding others suffering and an advocate for the underdog. It can also lead to something I refer to as being a “rescuer” and we forget sometimes to care for ourselves. Of course we need to care for our children, and with special needs it is very tricky as they have many legit needs. But we can forget that this tendency to “recue” takes away a sense of autonomy in achild too. This can lead to co-dependence patterns that lead to unhealthy patterns in relationships with others. I sooooo relate to it and have to watch it, as I do work in a helping field and can easily fall into wanting to “rescue” rather than have faith that the client can learn to rescue themselves. It is a false sense of power. It actually is more respectful too and a relationship of equals when done this way. I prefer to practice from that space.
Now, did you say you lived with an alcoholic for 20 years? If that is true, that can definitely affect how you see the world too. Some people become “rescuers” or “saviors” of their partner and often that leads to co-dependence.
I stopped going to meetings, though I do recommend them. I recommend (if you can) to try more than one group location, as some may not be a good match or have enough people. Other groups can feel too large for some. It depends on what you like and what is available in your area. I am fortunate enough to be able to shop around for a good fit. Lately, I have been resistant to going, partly because I am so busy with two jobs and all life’s “stuff”. But, honestly, some is denial. Some is being stubborn in me too. I think, “I can do this on my own”. That is where I can get into trouble. Being here certainly helps. It reminds me continuously what I can and cannot control. My ex who had narcissism taught me this, unknowingly. The continuous lesson that I cannot control anything other than me. Thus, my frequency of quoting the 12-step serenity prayer. I have actually something this is funny, a personal joke. You know the prayer, right? Well, right where is says “God grant me the serenity to accept”…I used to replace it unconsciously with “God grant me the POWER”…hahahahhaha….that’s me. I want the power, not the powerless feeling. However, once I embrace what I DO and DO NOT have power over, I feel so much more freedom….once I really radically accept that, the anxiety goes way down.
My peace to you! ****apples and hearts*** (no emoticons where I am at right now).
Hi Indy ( Cindy) ,
I have never felt so clueless as to who I am. Lol… I felt relatively “normal” until I got caught up in the hurricane of my life. I never had a label. Then after everything exploded I suddenly questioned my whole being, my sexuality, and my mental stability.
Co dependency kept coming up and I tried to get through one of the books about the subject but I wasn’t successful. Out of all the books that I had ordered that I thought would help me, I only finished HG’s…
It did point out:
I can never say no
I avoid conflict
Struggles with boundaries
Makes excuses for partner
Likes “to fix”
This is a subject on the back burner for me in therapy. It seems I will be there a lot longer than I thought. Lol
I liked your “rescuer” reference. I totally feel like that at work and in my personal life. You are a very strong woman Indy!!! I would have a terrible time coming to terms with not being able to rescue every one of your kids that you help. They are extremely lucky.
I have been married for 20 years to an alcoholic. We both didn’t think it affected our lives because he was always able to function normally and held a good job. Then came my affair and he ended up in detox and has now been sober 6 months. Now we are both seeing how his drinking really did affect us all those years. It did control our lives. He attends his meetings several times a week and his sponsor ( one of the few to know my whole story ) said it was worth me going because I was in two controlling relationship.
My therapist said exactly the same thing as you about selecting the right meeting for me. I just kept thinking I didn’t want to hear a bunch of alcoholic stories and I would end up introducing myself as someone who just got out of an extramarital lesbian affair who is a narcissist and my husband is an alcoholic. And asking them if they could help me? LOL 😂
The sensory part of the meeting doesn’t appeal to me either. And I think everyone wants to brainwash me. Lol… but I think I will try one and see how it goes.
I like that you want to replace words in the prayer. You DO have a lot of power but I am understanding more like you what you can and cannot control.
Lots of love back to u Indy
I wanted to add something to clarify too. I’m not saying you need al anon, just that it helped me some as I knew I was codependent. I think individual therapy and learning about narcicism here is very helpful and that may be all you need. Also, affairs happen for a whole host of reasons, not necessarily due to codependency. If you feel you are codependent and your individual therapist agrees, it’s worth checking out. Each person has to do what is right for them. Hugsss
Good morning Indy!!!
I know you weren’t❤️
I knew you had mentioned them and I just wanted to know what you thought about them. I do trust your opinion on a lot of things.
I need as much help as I can get. Lol
Thanks for talking and all your information. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
And I was the one who needed protected from her. She was in the woods the whole time waiting for me.
She did tell me she would protect and take care of me and I said the same thing back. I wish I could go back in time and protect her from her mother. 😓