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34 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No.46”
What about dreams? do narcissists dream? and I was going to ask if you receive any fuel from animals, you know, like a pet dog but, I guess if you have no empathy then that is not possible, correct? I think the relationship I’m in now is with a narcissist but not sure. He has a girlfriend had when I met him but, said he is ending it with her. He has some animals but says all animals are to serve a purpose, not just be pets. He is so loving yet he is able to look me straight in the eye and lie to me. Even when the evidence is right there. I’ve been attributing the strange behavior to PTSD from the military and war, and the abuse he endured as a child,which he shared little about with me. So many times I’ve tried to end it with him and he doesn’t let me. He begs and pleads I’ve never seen such strange behavior. He gets very angry and violent when I try leaving his house at night. I’m not sure if this is narcissistic I need to know so I know how to deal with this. Is there a way to know for sure?
I do not dream, no or if I do, I do not remember them. No, we do not get fuel from animals, animals are used as conduits to gain fuel from other people.
Right now I don’t care. Will he eventually talk to me again. This is very upsetting to me.
Yes he will because he will to gain more fuel from you.
I just found out today who told him. He was talking to me very little but now not at all. I wanna text him and apologize but what’s the sense. He won’t respond to my texts. I’m just afraid he won’t talk to me again. I want him to talk to me.
Your desire to talk to him is understandable because of the conditioning, but ultimately it will only serve to keep you trapped in the narcissistic cycle.
Here is my question. My narc text me Monday saying someone told him I mentioned him on Facebook. I told him I didn’t and I would never say anything bad. I asked if we were ok. He said we are fine come see me. So I did. Since then he’s barely talked to me but we talked for a bit on Thursday. Seemed fine. A guy we both know told me he talked to him and told him he was hurting me and told him to leave me alone. I don’t want him to leave me alone. I text him and told him. I don’t want u to leave me alone. If I did I’d tell you. Don’t let this person do this. Is he gonna just walk away from me now because this guy told him to?. I’m angry over this.
The intervention by this man may have provided fuel to your narcissist, dependent on how it was said. It might have criticised your narcissist and ignited his fury. He will however use this intervention as a means to manipulate you and draw fuel from you. He will use it against you Angel.
Hello, HG. Hope your weekend is going well. Quick question. If a criticism is followed by an apology, does it neutralize/ repair the wound?
Indeed it does because the apology will be regarded as fuel.
I’m sorry. I know this is controversial but it’s hilarious.
He once told me I should be able to push my own buttons by now
My response, with my sarcastic side shinning brightly, turned smiling oh so sweetly said “I am sorry but. I let you push my buttons” and walked away.
Did he really know that wasn’t completely true, or did he just get angry and not see this?
Random thought this morning
I know, right? I ask myself this every day. What did wrong? Why is he treating me like this? In the past I would search my memory banks trying to recapture when it was that I pissed him off and why. When he’d get pissed or treat me like shit, I’d mumble under my breath, oh great what’d I do this time? And it’s not like I’d apologize, but I’d always try to be the bigger person in his childish behavioral periods and ohhh did he enjoy these moments because he actually thought I was trying to kiss his ass. Hell no I wasn’t! I was just trying to move past it so he would calm down. I could tell he was enjoying this with his high horse attitude like, “Yeh, that’s what I thought bitch”
I’m sorry for listening to your lies.
I’m sorry I didn’t listen to the voices screaming in my head.
I’m sorry for protecting you.
I’m sorry for hiding the bruises you gave me .
I’m sorry for making excuses for you behavior .
I’m sorry for allowing you to lie, control & manipulate me .
I’m sorry you stole some of the best years of my life .
I’m sorry I you stayed so long .
I’m sorry for the day I ever set eyes on you .
I’m sorry your not dead.
as a brit we are taught to apologise for everything and anything, I wonder if that makes it easier to be sucked into this cycle with a narc? I know in some cultures you just don’t say sorry very often so it would be a more odd thing to do.
Hello L119, as well as generic empathic traits perhaps I should also consider those which appertain to race and/or nationality! It is certainly true that Brits do apologise more readily and that sense of automatically assuming that you are at fault will play into our hands.
I’ll start you off. I’m Canadian, we say: sorry EH
Yes… disgusting true… thank You
news to me … i never counted that as a trait
Here is one of the tactics where your real psychological abuse is so damaging. All this to be baited for an emotional reaction to keep managing us down.
Lack of real communication along with lack of fulfillment of all of the other senses, combined with ever present “ever presence”…when the distraught becomes unbearable we’ll do anything or promise anything including apologizing. Sound familiar?.
We hope that they will surely see the sacrifice to them this time and every time in the hope that they will see the good in this and emulate the good in kind. sound familiar?
This only serves to give further license for this is a damned if you do and damned if you don’t scenario for both parties.
Here’s my idea of an apology:
I exist but I’m not living, not really…
I just get through each day wracked with pain and thoughts of how I ended up in the garbage while I imagine him and his new perfect love. He gets a clean slate and a new start. I get soul crushing pain and the inability to switch the ruminating off. I can’t see future happiness now that I can’t trust. He was the love of my life and he murdered me. I couldn’t of predicted this outcome for me. I said a trillion sorrys while I was with him (when I’d done nothing wrong-to fix us)….. the only thing I’m truly sorry for is ever having met the snake.
Dawn, A heart beating in a grieving body is torture. I feel for you a lot. There are no words that can remove the pain. He does not have a clean slate, he does not know yet but he is sinking in the mire. In a way that we don’t immediately understand, it is anyone he connects with intimately that will proverbially slide into the bog right after him. You have been pushed to the side and spared, spiritually. That does not give a lot of comfort as we must live our lives in the dense sense of this existence as we know it. You said, how much you took on to fix us’…you cannot fix him. He does not feel he needs fixing. He is just another mercenary egocentric having a MLC that is getting too long in the tooth. He has albeit murdered you and extracted what he could until you feel like it is all beyond you now. That is precisely what he wants you to think and here is a tip: If he were to see the error of his ways, come back with Bunches of flowers or nothing but tears and a bended knee- you will hate yourself and this will be a reflection of how much you will have hated him for leaving you like a panting deer that has been hit with a rock by his hand. Anyone who leaves that panting deer denying it the three rites’ of survival is a stomach turning, evil that he is. Think about this: What can he possibly offer you after this that won’t cause you further turmoil in that you know yourself well as he has obliterated your trust? If there is something you can find there, I would commend you with being a far greater person than me and yet forgiveness is key to my beliefs and am not exercising it very well at all by my own admission. Dawn it is you that has the clean slate- dress up show up somewhere and don’t give up x
Thank you for your reply xx
You are welcome, I am sorry x
Dawn, I am exactly where you are after 27 years of marriage and three sons. He discarded me so callously and already has a new source he is engaged to be married to before our divorce was even completed. No one around me understands because I covered it all up for him. I feel alone, sneered at and disbelieved. He and his new fiancé have cozier up to our sons and I am the one on the outside watching her in my place with my boys. PurpleRibbonHealing, your words for Dawn hit my heart so well. I’m not sure what I want – I don’t want the loser back to continue the cycle, but I don’t want him to just merrily move along with a new happy life. And I especially don’t want my boys to replace me with the new (soon to be) wife because she’s giddy happy and I’m a depressed downer. Help!
Hello Caylon, do not concern yourself with him and her. It is what it is now and will go down the same route that you experienced. I bet you are not alone when you apply your mind to it, it just seems that way. They are bound to cosy up to your sons, but they are your sons too, continue doing what you do with and for them and pay not attention to your ex husband or his new primary source. You and your boys are your focus.
Caylon, I understand the sense of injustice. I don’t know how you can bear your sons being rallied to a substitute. I am sorry that you are frustrated and still big used and I am deeply sorry that you covered it up or were manipulated to do so. I am sorry for your grief, your anger, the betrayals and the hurt. I am sorry for all that have suffered travesty. I am sorry for the TKO’s verbal, psychological and physical. Keep writing, it is a distraction and a way through and your feelings are validated. They have no idea how this will play out spiritually. Just because they are alive and threw away the years like it was a cheap imitation it is the cheap imitation that will suffer. You know how there are counterfeits that is what he is and whoever is satisfied with a counterfeit won’t be for long. There is nothing like the real deal, go find it…He is out there, you are all the wiser now, use it sister! Make a pact with your self: Live by it and don’t flex. Don’t give him the satisfaction by being what he expects. Don’t throw him a lifebuoy at any stage- let the pain remind you how empty he is and grace yourself with dignity, class and an upright version of you that he never saw coming. x
Hey Dawn, I have experienced the grief from being tossed aside by a person with NPD, at the time I didn’t even know the condition existed, but in the past few weeks he reappeared into my life so I decided to do some research … hence finding this blog and listening / reading everything I could find on the subject of personality disorders. It’s actually been a great comfort to me, every time I get a text or feel the need to reply I remind myself that I’m dealing with someone with a condition, similar to someone with schizophrenia or any disorder delevoped by the individual to enable them to cope with difficulties. When I look at it like that I really don’t have the medical qualifications necessary to help this person, nor do I have the desire to sacrifice myself for his self-gratification.
If your ex has the personality disorder it won’t be long before he starts the sadistic ritual with his new partner, because ironically it’s a predictable ‘need’ and as much as these people seem to think of themselves as different and wonderful, there seems to be a ‘cookie cutter’ approach of characteristics they all have….and being in a healthy happy relationship is not on this list. You should be grateful you’re no longer on the receiving end of his rath, and remind yourself that no one is going to get the perfect relationship he promised you, because it was fiction, something that doesn’t exist in his world and was just a tactic used by him to build you up in order to enjoy ripping you down… mental illness is never fun be glad you have been set free to find someone who won’t suck the life from you!
Thank you xx
I appreciate your reply.
It’s mind boggling to me now that I was so easily tricked, or indeed that this condition seems to exist everywhere and seems to slip under the radar, like I said (and this is a tactic I use) simply remind yourself that you’re dealing with someone with a serious mental illness, and what you feel like you’re missing is simply the concoction of a dilusional mind. It’s harder to be sad when you think about it like that and also remind yourself that someone else is not going to get the relationship he promised you because he’s not capable of it, you were sucked into the hallucinations of someone suffering from a mental illness and eventually the cracks will show in his next relationship… it’s exhausting being something you’re not and he won’t have the energy needed to do it for too long in my opinion 🙂